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f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  General Discussion  |  Serious Business  |  Topic: You can't make this shit up... 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
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Author Topic: You can't make this shit up...  (Read 171294 times)
tgr
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Posts: 3366

Just another victim of cyber age discrimination.


Reply #175 on: March 21, 2013, 03:30:12 AM

I can't figure out what's worse...that he tried it in the first place, or that he went through with it and did not succeed.
Or that he got married in the first place, and as such apparently had a chance to perpetuate his idiot genes.

Cyno's lit, bridge is up, but one pilot won't be jumping home.
K9
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Posts: 7441


Reply #176 on: March 21, 2013, 04:40:39 AM

'Murica

I love the smell of facepalm in the morning
Ironwood
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Posts: 28240


Reply #177 on: March 21, 2013, 04:45:26 AM

The only thing that can stop a bad guy shooting his ring finger off is a good divorce lawyer with a gun.

Or something.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Sheepherder
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Posts: 5192


Reply #178 on: March 28, 2013, 01:12:29 AM

I can't figure out what's worse...that he tried it in the first place, or that he went through with it and did not succeed.

I'm going with the fact that he went for a gun rather than a set of side cutters.
Jimbo
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still drives a stick shift


Reply #179 on: May 16, 2013, 02:17:44 PM

Starting 7 nights in a row, and at our Charge RN meeting for ER, we found out one of our Regional Bosses is going to come visit. He likes to do something stupid which is pose as a fake pt and check in, see how we treat him, then sign out AMA.

I fucking hate shit like that!

Anyway, may take a job at another hospital after all this crap our higher ups keep giving us.

ghost
The Dentist
Posts: 10619


Reply #180 on: May 16, 2013, 02:21:53 PM

Starting 7 nights in a row, and at our Charge RN meeting for ER, we found out one of our Regional Bosses is going to come visit. He likes to do something stupid which is pose as a fake pt and check in, see how we treat him, then sign out AMA.

I fucking hate shit like that!

Anyway, may take a job at another hospital after all this crap our higher ups keep giving us.



I always did too.  People that are douchebags generally deserve to get treated like a douchebag.  

A lot of this rigmarole that we have to go through is only going to get worse, particularly in Texas.
Engels
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Posts: 9029

inflicts shingles.


Reply #181 on: May 17, 2013, 09:48:18 AM

What's an AMA? Is that some sort of health authority certification?

I should get back to nature, too.  You know, like going to a shop for groceries instead of the computer.  Maybe a condo in the woods that doesn't even have a health club or restaurant attached.  Buy a car with only two cup holders or something. -Signe

I LIKE being bounced around by Tonkors. - Lantyssa

Babies shooting themselves in the head is the state bird of West Virginia. - schild
Father mike
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Posts: 533


Reply #182 on: May 17, 2013, 10:16:20 AM

Against Medical Advice.

"We told you not to leave, so when something goes sideways, good luck suing us."

I would like to thank Vladimir Putin for ensuring that every member of the NPR news staff has had to say "Pussy Riot" on the air multiple times.
ghost
The Dentist
Posts: 10619


Reply #183 on: May 22, 2013, 04:49:37 PM

Yeah, it's a CYA certificate that they usually have the patient sign prior to leaving. 
Brofellos
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Reply #184 on: June 04, 2013, 11:53:30 AM

My dad was an ER doc for like 25 years (now does computer stuff) so I love reading these stories.  He did his residency at Detroit Receiving, so he saw some shit.  My personal favorite is the gang that initiated recruits by stabbing them in the left armpit.  If they lived they were in...
Bunk
Contributor
Posts: 5828

Operating Thetan One


Reply #185 on: June 05, 2013, 06:12:59 AM

I have the pleasure of having a good friend who is an XRay tech, who likes to share stories. This weekend he showed up with "20 Questions on what the man in ER had stuck in his Penis!"

answer:


"Welcome to the internet, pussy." - VDL
"I have retard strength." - Schild
Signe
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Posts: 18942

Muse.


Reply #186 on: June 05, 2013, 06:50:28 AM

A gazillion years ago I worked for a short time in a hospital in Santa Fe and I can almost very nearly understand the butt.  People were always getting things stuck in their butt.  Once a man came in with a whole  light bulb stuck in his butt. The ER doc was scared it would break and he's have to spend all day picking bits of glass out of this blokes butt hole.   But the penis?  Why would anyone stick anything in their penis?  Does it feel nice?

Wow.  I say butt a lot.

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
Lantyssa
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Posts: 20848


Reply #187 on: June 05, 2013, 07:58:44 AM

The first part of that is weird enough... but past the bend?  How?  HOW!?

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
dd0029
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Posts: 911


Reply #188 on: June 05, 2013, 09:03:14 AM

My younger sister is a prison psychologist. She doesn't talk about it much, but she does have some good ones occasionally. The most recent was in regards to the change to some sort of paper spork. Her comment on it was, "I don't care where you stick that. It'll dissolve." One of the inmates who apparently can't wear clothes because he's a suicide risk expressed his displeasure with the paper sporks by mooning the staff and then farting out a paper spork. He then turned around and said, "That's what I think of that!"
ghost
The Dentist
Posts: 10619


Reply #189 on: June 05, 2013, 10:25:23 AM

Most of my stories are pretty mundane.  Except for the time the lady from Mexico pulled this big jar out of her handbag filled with formaldehyde containing her uterus.  They had been nice enough to take it out for her even though it was an inoperable cancer.   Ohhhhh, I see.
Bunk
Contributor
Posts: 5828

Operating Thetan One


Reply #190 on: June 05, 2013, 11:58:43 AM

The first part of that is weird enough... but past the bend?  How?  HOW!?

We started to debate that question, and then very quickly decided to talk about something else. Anything else.

"Welcome to the internet, pussy." - VDL
"I have retard strength." - Schild
Merusk
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Badge Whore


Reply #191 on: June 05, 2013, 03:43:05 PM

You obviously have to do it when flaccid.

We also weren't told the diameter of the key.  It could have been a 1/16 instead of the 1/8 or 3/16 we're used to seeing.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
01101010
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You call it an accident. I call it justice.


Reply #192 on: June 05, 2013, 04:21:58 PM

You obviously have to do it when flaccid.

We also weren't told the diameter of the key.  It could have been a 1/16 instead of the 1/8 or 3/16 we're used to seeing.

IT. DOESN'T. MATTER.  ACK! ACK!

Does any one know where the love of God goes...When the waves turn the minutes to hours? -G. Lightfoot
Paelos
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Error 404: Title not found.


Reply #193 on: June 05, 2013, 04:33:35 PM

I can honestly say that's never occurred to me to jam something in there.

CPA, CFO, Sports Fan, Game when I have the time
Rendakor
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Reply #194 on: June 05, 2013, 04:41:54 PM

Never occured to me either until I read Guts (NSFW text).

"i can't be a star citizen. they won't even give me a star green card"
Lantyssa
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Posts: 20848


Reply #195 on: June 05, 2013, 04:42:35 PM

But now that you have, it's tempting, right...? Ohhhhh, I see.

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
Ingmar
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Auto Assault Affectionado


Reply #196 on: June 05, 2013, 04:42:56 PM

I have heard, but thankfully not experienced, that when they take a swab there for testing for stuff that it hurts for a long time afterward. So... the allen key thing seems like it should take that to a new level of awfulness.

The Transcendent One: AH... THE ROGUE CONSTRUCT.
Nordom: Sense of closure: imminent.
Cheddar
I like pink
Posts: 4987

Noob Sauce


Reply #197 on: June 05, 2013, 05:08:52 PM

Never occured to me either until I read Guts (NSFW text).

This is NSFA.  "Not Safe For Anyone."

Christ.

No Nerf, but I put a link to this very thread and I said that you all can guarantee for my purity. I even mentioned your case, and see if they can take a look at your lawn from a Michigan perspective.
Paelos
Contributor
Posts: 27075

Error 404: Title not found.


Reply #198 on: June 05, 2013, 05:35:35 PM

Good fiction. Anything involved buttplay is obviously a winner.  why so serious?

CPA, CFO, Sports Fan, Game when I have the time
Sir T
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Posts: 14223


Reply #199 on: June 05, 2013, 07:16:24 PM

Its amazing how well my "must click that" impulse has receded because of this forum.  Ohhhhh, I see.

Hic sunt dracones.
Morat20
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Reply #200 on: June 05, 2013, 08:02:27 PM

I deeply regret clicking that. It was a mistake.
HaemishM
Staff Emeritus
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the Confederate flag underneath the stone in my class ring


WWW
Reply #201 on: June 06, 2013, 07:57:35 AM

Ain't nobody got time for that!  ACK!

Der Helm
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Posts: 4025


Reply #202 on: June 09, 2013, 02:09:25 PM

allen key


1. I had to google that. Now I wish I had not done that. Also, I fucking hate you now.
2. While we are on a semi-related topic do not ever click on a link titled "maggot girl".

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
Merusk
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Badge Whore


Reply #203 on: June 09, 2013, 07:57:02 PM

Well we don't know what diameter allen key (we call them wrenches around here)

It could have been a 1/32 or 1/16th.. doesn't have to be the 1/4 or 3/8 most of us are familiar with from furniture.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
Bunk
Contributor
Posts: 5828

Operating Thetan One


Reply #204 on: June 09, 2013, 10:45:54 PM

It still has a 90 degree bend in it...

I always dread when he shows up with a story to tell from work.

"Welcome to the internet, pussy." - VDL
"I have retard strength." - Schild
Nerf
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The Presence of Your Vehicle Has Been Documented


Reply #205 on: June 20, 2013, 09:45:16 PM

My first question would have been if he started with the long end or the short end.

So, which was it?
rk47
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Posts: 6236

The Patron Saint of Radicalthons


Reply #206 on: June 22, 2013, 05:45:49 AM

Chinese Students Riot - 'It's not fair if you don't let us cheat.'



Quote
Riot after Chinese teachers try to stop pupils cheating
What should have been a hushed scene of 800 Chinese students diligently sitting their university entrance exams erupted into siege warfare after invigilators tried to stop them from cheating.

By late afternoon, the invigilators were trapped in a set of school offices, as groups of students pelted the windows with rocks. Outside, an angry mob of more than 2,000 people had gathered to vent its rage, smashing cars and chanting: "We want fairness. There is no fairness if you do not let us cheat."

Colonel Sanders is back in my wallet
Ironwood
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Posts: 28240


Reply #207 on: June 23, 2013, 02:46:10 AM

Wait what ?

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Paelos
Contributor
Posts: 27075

Error 404: Title not found.


Reply #208 on: June 23, 2013, 08:47:15 AM

It makes sense in a communist way, which is to say it doesn't make real sense.

CPA, CFO, Sports Fan, Game when I have the time
Engels
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Posts: 9029

inflicts shingles.


Reply #209 on: June 24, 2013, 09:19:03 AM

I think there may be more to this story than meets the eye. Its quite possible that these 'exams' are so prohibitively impossible to pass 'normally' that cheating has become an accepted and endemic way of working within the system. Perhaps the same phenomenon of baffled looks I experience when I try to explain to my Chinese grad students that they don't have to pirate software for school, that the university has a license and they don't have to torrent MS Office.

I should get back to nature, too.  You know, like going to a shop for groceries instead of the computer.  Maybe a condo in the woods that doesn't even have a health club or restaurant attached.  Buy a car with only two cup holders or something. -Signe

I LIKE being bounced around by Tonkors. - Lantyssa

Babies shooting themselves in the head is the state bird of West Virginia. - schild
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