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Author Topic: You can't make this shit up...  (Read 68308 times)
Paelos
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Reply #245 on: February 10, 2014, 08:20:34 AM

Rent higher floors to the crazies.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Der Helm
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Reply #246 on: February 10, 2014, 08:48:27 AM

Rent higher floors to the crazies.
I have seen enough bloody corpses in my life, I don't need drunk idiots to replay the Happening at my place of work, thank you very much. Although I usually give Walk Ins rooms on the 4th floor, so she would be dead now if I had checked her in. Ouch.

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
Nebu
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Reply #247 on: February 11, 2014, 10:16:39 AM

Been busy, here is some things that have happened:

Thank you for these anecdotes.  You help me remember why I got out of medicine and back into research.

When I advise students about a career in medicine, my new tactic is to ask them if they enjoy going to WalMart.  Why?  Those are the people you will be dealing with on a daily basis... en masse.

"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."

-  Mark Twain
Jimbo
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still drives a stick shift


Reply #248 on: February 11, 2014, 04:57:25 PM

I really wish we were a hospital that video's our major trauma/medical emergencies. Some hospitals do it for review and to make the programs better. We have to sit down and re-hash it and that is hard to do. But the dude who took the box cutter and cut his throat was freaking insane! I wish I could describe it better, he was covered in blood from head to toe. He was crazy, so he thought stabbing himself would keep him safe from the motorcycle gang out to get him. It had to hurt like hell, and to see the look in his eyes when the medics rolled in with him. Plus the way we managed the air way was awesome. To see the ET tube pop out the first time made us all go "holy fuck". Then when we got it secured with a big trache tube. The fact that some how he did that to open up his airway, but not hit any of the arteries was impressive. I hear he is still on the psych ward.

Crazy people have been acting up too, well, it is probably all of them cooped up since we have snow this year and cold weather. We had a guy show up, come up to our registar, and say, "I'm with the Native American Defense Department, I'm hear to protect the patients on the psych floor, and I brought my knife!" He was holding up his state ID card and his knife at the same time. Thank God our security was right there and stepped in. He had to walk him around the back way to get him into the ER. He then told me he was bitten by a MRSA spider and it is on his finger and it can cure cancer. Dude was nuttier than a shit house mouse. So we gave him some good anti psychotics and got him up to the stress center. When he came in babbling and holding his knife you should have seen all the people in the waiting room wonder WTF. They always ask why we have big signs saying don't act up. Then they see the crazies roll in or the cops drag in some meth'ed out person.

I felt bad for this truck driver the other night. The medics bring him in, as he was found at this girls house beaten unconscious. He was staying at a hotel, was at the bar in the hotel, chatted up the bar tender and he went back to her place when it closed. He was in her bed half asleep and she was in the bathroom, when her ex-boyfriend showed up, kicks in the door, and was drunk yelling he was going to beat her ass for breaking up with him (ya! another fine male species) he charges into the bed room, sees this guy in her bed, so starts pounding this poor dude. She gets out and calls 911 and the cops take the drunk ex-boyfriend to jail. The trucker comes to me, has a head injury, and a Le Fort III http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_Fort_fracture_of_skull fracture. I think he also had a jaw fracture. Either way he was swollen and hurting. He said he was almost asleep and bam he was being hit in the face hard. Not sure but probably a baseball bat. Anyway, the bar tender did show up, she was thankful, because she was even smaller and he probably would have killed her if the drunk ex had gotten a hold of her. So the poor guy had to go to the trauma center over getting some strange that night. I feel sorry for him, as I've had lots of ex's come after me for some reason...or the girls forget to tell me "oh I'm still married we are getting a divorce soon" which means I'm the target sometimes of their rage.

Never ever drink and do acid on your birth day. We had a girl come in, was her 21st birthday, had gone out with her brother. They drank a lot, then did a bunch of hits of acid. She then went nuts tearing up his place, she was so out of control that he called the cops. She is about 5' 6" and 140 lbs, and it took 4 cops and 4 medics to bring her in. She was arching up, and had so much mucus in her mouth and nose it was flying everywhere. Me and another Male RN, took her in, and ended up having to put her in restraints, she looked like Linda Blair from the Exorcist how she would contort around and spit and hack up snot and spit everywhere. We gave her some good drugs too and sent her to ICU. She is going to have one hell of a "not remembering" remembering about her 21'st birth day.

Khaldun
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Reply #249 on: February 11, 2014, 07:49:17 PM

I had a horrific stomach bug 20 years ago where I vomited and shat non-stop for 36 hours, and my wife eventually realized I was getting dangerously dehydrated, a bit delirious, at about midnight. We lived at the time in a pretty mixed area in terms of socioeconomics--basically the first apartment we'd had since I had gotten a job teaching. So off we went at about midnight on a Saturday in the first warm week of spring to the ER. They were crazy busy already with all sorts of stuff but they took one look at me, did the vitals and were like, "ok, you should be here". So they got me on IVs on a gurney, the examining rooms were all full. So I'm only kind of semi-conscious, just totally wiped out, but feeling a bit better after 15 minutes. And then they roll in a guy with tattoos head to toe, bald, really tough looking motherfucker who had clearly done a lot of hard living, and he is fucking bugshit--bleeding from three shallow knife wounds, wired out his gourd on something, screaming and writhing, and three cops can't really hold him down easily. They get him strapped to a gurney, he's going nuts, clothes and face have blood on them (his and I think other people's) and then they've got to get him out of the way a bit. So they park him right next to me. Dude is not actually seeing me--or I think anything really--but wow, it was hard to forget this guy three feet away going out of his gourd.

That would be unbelievably difficult to deal with night after night.
Der Helm
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Reply #250 on: February 12, 2014, 09:10:11 AM

This reminds me of something I wanted to ask you guys. Is there a book that is an "emergency room" version of House of God ? I kind of think I remember reading something about it on the internet a few years ago, but my Google skills fail me.

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
Jimbo
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Reply #251 on: May 20, 2014, 12:27:43 AM

I feel like:



Been both the younger and older guy and the partying ones too! The gals at work will provoke me and get me rambling about the times in the service and I'll be like, "God damn it, you ladies got me off on those times again..." which if the wrong people hear it, they bitch that we were having fun.

The gals do sing me praises lately for having to take down some people that attacked our RN's. One guy was brought in drunk and suicidal and decided to getup and grab one of the RN's. I then restrained him to the bed, it was pretty quick, she felt his hand touch her, then it was gone and she turned around and I had him restrained yelling, "you will behave!" He then was placed in restraints, I'll give him credit, he had a better insult than most did, he kept yelling at me, "who cut your hair your mom? Why don't you go home and let her cut it again." Out cop got a chuckle out of that, at least he wasn't yelling FUCK! at the top of his lungs.

Another gal came in who was drunk big time. She was found passed out and the medics couldn't wake her up. They started lines and got her to us, when she woke up when they took her out of the ambulance. She went ape shit. She was trying to kick, bite, hit, and screaming! She was so freaking loud and we were packed of course, so all these other patients were like what the hell, as some drunk chick was screaming. It took 5 of us to restrain her, then we had to get her calmed down. We gave some ativan (benzodiazepine--lorazepam), and it took a while, she was yelling and trying to bite me while restrained. Then she switched to singing loudly and drunkenly anything I said, quite comical. She had a blood alcohol of 0.450 (legal drunk is 0.08), so she was hammered big time. We ended up putting her in ICU, and when I took her to ICU she was all nice! She was like, "Hi!" to the ICU RN's, and they looked at me like how the hell did you have to restrain her...I then told them they can come play the next time they come in singing and biting, they declined :)

Another sad case of dementia and why I think nursing homes suck ass. We had an elderly lady who was brought in by her husband and daughter for being combative. She had gone over to the neighbors yard and was beating his car with her cane, telling him that it was wrong and was not his to be driving. She didn't recognize her husband, but if she heard his voice on the phone she would cry and beg him to come home from the hospital. The plan was to admit her to a senior psychiatric hospital and they would help with placement and treatment (they advertise there geriatric pscyh and pediatric psych facility and treatment). Anyway, she got wild and was out in the hall screaming at her family. I got the order for some Haldol and me and a couple of RN's guided her back in to the room. Another RN and I took her by the arms and walked her into the room. Of course she hit me with her cane and hit the door with it...thank goodness I could take her cane away pretty easy (knowing where the weak line is when you have to take something away or escape from a hold comes in handy). So we get her in and get her on the bed and give her the shot. She calms down, gets cleared and admitted to the other nursing facility. She had high blood pressure so we had to give her a catapress too. So we got her cleared, calmed down, and blood pressure down. She left at about 2100. At 0130 she came back by ambulance, and once again those fuckers didn't call report. EMS said they were called for breathing difficulty due to an allergic reaction. So I called to find out what was going on, the RN there (I hope she was, hell she could have been a janitor for all I know), said, "she had high bp and she got a catapress and she is allergic to catapress." I was like uh...we got the bp down, what was it there, and she was like, "well she had high blood pressure at your facility." I said yes she did, but we treated it, what were her vital signs there. She got really flustered, I said that is okay, the she said, "she is allergic to catapress and you gave her one." I was like, "okay, thanks, we will update you later." You give up talking to these people. It isn't worth your time trying to explain to them about knowing they are "allergic" which patients put down all kinds of crazy shit, and the fact we monitored her for 1 hour after we gave it and no signs of anaphylaxis was noted, she was not having an allergic reaction. The EMS crew had started an IV and hooked her up to the monitor and found she was in A-Fib with RVR. They had also noted possible wheezes and probable rales, with some pitting edema noted, also she had no signs of hives or redness, but was pale and diaphoretic. Okay what that means is her heart was beating irregular and way to fast (Atrial fibrilation with rapid ventricular response). She had trouble breathing probably from some congestive heart failure kicking in and causing the rales (wet sounding) lungs, the wheezes might be from anything but she was pretty stressed. She was barely responding, the EMS had put her on oxygen and started a duo-neb tx, they were just down the block so they didn't have time for EKG and drug therapy. We did cardizem to break the A-fib and control the heart rate, gave her lasix, nitro, and placed a foley cath to diaresis her (pull the extra fluid off her so her heart can beat better and lungs and heart will work better and she can breath better). Well we did it great, she came around and started yelling at us. She was screaming, "My vagina itches!" "I'm leaving her you bastards!" And she kept trying to get out of bed and kept taking the oxygen off and kept tangling herself up in everything. I was charting every 15 minutes, pt still screaming, "my vagina itches!" Never thought I'd be doing that when I went into this profession :) Plus she had an elevated test for blood clots, so we had to sedate her, and she took enough to knock down a horse. She ended up having Congestive heart failure, A-Fib with RVR, and had a heart attack--it was the kind where you don't get the EKG changes (we call that a non-stemi) but her heart markers went up. And of course the dementia with violent behavior. Her poor husband and family. She has no idea what is going on and they can't comfort her. Getting old sucks.

I'll have to write up some other stuff later.
TheWalrus
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Reply #252 on: May 20, 2014, 02:11:33 PM

She had a blood alcohol of 0.450

I wonder if she will ever know how close to dying she was.

Paelos: Somebody find that post where I declared Seattle dead, because those fuckers are NFL cockroaches in the NFC.
rk47
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Reply #253 on: May 20, 2014, 08:56:08 PM

in this #yolo generation? meh.

Colleague queried me on the possibility of an older excel to open newer excel files. I said yes, it should be OK, but she claimed it is unable to save.
I asked her to demonstrate why this is so.
Upon reviewing the process step by step, I consider it a bug or a feature that MS implemented in their latest patch.
But my concerns proved groundless upon realizing the save button was merely grayed out because she did not type in a file name when prompted.

Clearly the software is to blame.
« Last Edit: May 21, 2014, 02:04:33 AM by rk47 »

Colonel Sanders is back in my wallet
Phildo
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Reply #254 on: May 21, 2014, 08:01:58 AM

Hey, if you can send emails without a subject, you should be able to save files without a name!
IainC
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Reply #255 on: May 21, 2014, 05:24:16 PM


- And in stranger Iains, even Death may die -

SerialForeigner Photography.
Ironwood
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Reply #256 on: May 21, 2014, 05:28:30 PM

Fucking Excel.  You're just bringing Paelos out...

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Paelos
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Reply #257 on: May 21, 2014, 05:34:18 PM

Fucking Excel.  You're just bringing Paelos out...

You rang?  why so serious?

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Polysorbate80
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Reply #258 on: May 21, 2014, 06:29:10 PM

I thought you had to say it three times

“Why the fuck would you ... ?” is like 80% of the conversation with Poly — Chimpy
Sir T
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Reply #259 on: June 02, 2014, 09:38:27 AM

3 people read it, that's all it needs. The old ones keep up with technology.

Sometimes irony is pretty ironic.
Ironwood
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Reply #260 on: June 02, 2014, 09:52:04 AM

Fucking Excel.  You're just bringing Paelos out...

You rang?  why so serious?

In all seriousness though (and yes Trippy, I know this isn't the place for it !) you SHOULD have a look at PowerBI from Microsoft, Paelos.

It would make you really tingly in your accountancy parts.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Paelos
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Reply #261 on: June 02, 2014, 07:41:59 PM

Yes, I've seen it but unfortunately our office only has about 8 people. So trying to convince the bosses to upgrade to Office 2010 was a headache. They don't like expenses for software.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Sir T
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Reply #262 on: June 03, 2014, 10:51:21 AM

Who does, frankly.

Sometimes irony is pretty ironic.
Paelos
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Reply #263 on: June 03, 2014, 12:30:54 PM

Who does, frankly.

People that understand the lost productivity of using an inferior product, and the inherent expenses necessary in upkeep.

Software expenses are one of those things that can make your system so much more efficient if you implement it properly and don't skimp on the implementation and educational side.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
MahrinSkel
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Reply #264 on: June 03, 2014, 01:58:41 PM

If you argue that better tools will improve productivity, their first question is going to be 'How many of our 8 accountants could we fire if we switch?'  Shut up before they think of the same logic themselves.

--Dave

--Jello Biafra: "If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve."
Paelos
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Reply #265 on: June 03, 2014, 02:55:06 PM

If you argue that better tools will improve productivity, their first question is going to be 'How many of our 8 accountants could we fire if we switch?'  Shut up before they think of the same logic themselves.

--Dave

You don't understand how public accounting works. We're not admin staff, we're the actual service.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Jimbo
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Reply #266 on: June 03, 2014, 05:47:45 PM

Who does, frankly.

People that understand the lost productivity of using an inferior product, and the inherent expenses necessary in upkeep.

Software expenses are one of those things that can make your system so much more efficient if you implement it properly and don't skimp on the implementation and educational side.

If you could get my company to understand that it would be a Godsend! So much time is lost in how craptastic of an electronic medical record was produced and every damn system seems to suck and not be able to talk to each other!
Father mike
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Reply #267 on: June 04, 2014, 11:45:45 AM

If you could get my company to understand that it would be a Godsend! So much time is lost in how craptastic of an electronic medical record was produced and every damn system seems to suck and not be able to talk to each other!

That's just medical records software.  It's almost like there's an industry-wide conspiracy to provide the shittiest software experience to doctors, so that the not-quite-as-shitty products are hailed as revolutionary and amazing.

I've seen a Visual Basic front end on a SQL database maintained by 2 guys (with 8500 users) that runs better than $200K records packages provided by Greenway, etc.

I would like to thank Vladimir Putin for ensuring that every member of the NPR news staff has had to say "Pussy Riot" on the air multiple times.
Merusk
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Reply #268 on: June 04, 2014, 12:34:23 PM

That's just medical records software.  It's almost like there's an industry-wide conspiracy to provide the shittiest software experience to doctors, so that the not-quite-as-shitty products are hailed as revolutionary and amazing.
resist electronic records so nobody finds out how computer illiterate Doctors are as a whole.

 awesome, for real

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
rk47
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Reply #269 on: June 18, 2014, 03:19:20 AM

Shipping goods to Australia.
Koala fuckers want things to be done their way.
OK. Brief me please. ANYONE?
No. Send me excel. Ask me to fill up their PO.
FINE I CAN READ.

They ordered Blue color fabric but wants me to write it down as Navy Oxford.
Lilac turned into Aubergine or some shit.
Fucking hell. Matching those with the China factory documentation is already a bitch but opening the excel gave me a pause.



 swamp poop

Some columns I don't quite get so I ask a question:
'For Box. No column does it mean the carton serial no.? Or is it the amount of boxes?'

Direct Email Quote Answer: Box. No column -  takes the ‘Box Number(s)’ for the qty on that line.

What does that mean? Anyone?



Colonel Sanders is back in my wallet
Merusk
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Reply #270 on: June 18, 2014, 07:45:19 AM

It means they don't know and copied the info from some .docx or .pdf they have for their use.

Now let me get this straight. They want you to fill out the PO their way but didn't fill in their order in the yellow cells? Get your boss to tell them to fuck off and send your own standard invoice.

Filling out the order yourself and then the supplier side is just begging for trouble down the line when they contest you shipped them the wrong shit.  Especially since they're telling you to write down colors different than you supply.  I've seen enough GCs do this to less savvy suppliers of materials (always over the phone). When push comes to shove and lawyers get involved documentation trumps conflicting stories.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
Numtini
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Reply #271 on: June 18, 2014, 01:48:53 PM

Quote
People that understand the lost productivity of using an inferior product, and the inherent expenses necessary in upkeep.

My partner worked in the accounting department of a dysfunctional non-profit and they had this ancient accounting system that couldn't printing to a laser printer. Instead, it required a second application that would print checks based on an outputted text file. They couldn't get rid of it because it had been donated ten years earlier and "it might offend the donor" if they switched to something more modern.

If you can read this, you're on a board populated by misogynist assholes.
Paelos
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Reply #272 on: June 18, 2014, 02:05:14 PM

We forced a non-profit to update to Quickbooks from whatever ridiculous software they were using because they were going to fail the internal controls portion of their audit.

Seriously, at some point you're making so many bad software workaround decisions that your accounting fraud risk goes through the roof.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
TheWalrus
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Reply #273 on: June 18, 2014, 02:15:07 PM

How bout just plain mistakes, let alone fraud. Yuk.

Paelos: Somebody find that post where I declared Seattle dead, because those fuckers are NFL cockroaches in the NFC.
Phildo
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Reply #274 on: June 18, 2014, 02:50:14 PM

Oh man, we do IT for a pretty large accounting firm and it's a mess.  My sympathies to everyone else that has to deal with one.
Phildo
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Reply #275 on: June 19, 2014, 08:54:24 AM

I just had to try and hunt down a floppy disk drive for someone.  Imagine our collective surprise when no stores in the area had them in stock.
Paelos
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Reply #276 on: June 19, 2014, 09:45:15 AM

Floppy disk drive.

Wow.

Those haven't been in use since I was in high school in the 90s.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Sir T
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Reply #277 on: June 19, 2014, 07:07:29 PM

They were in use here in the wilds of the EU for longer than that. I think they finally really went out of use in the mid to late 2000s.

Sometimes irony is pretty ironic.
Merusk
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Reply #278 on: June 19, 2014, 07:11:22 PM

I just had to try and hunt down a floppy disk drive for someone.  Imagine our collective surprise when no stores in the area had them in stock.

Like a 3.5" or a 5"?

Either way, wow, ut one's got more swamp poop than the other.

If it's a 3.5" I've got a box that's still got Win95 on it with a floppy that works.  Hell it even has an internal ZIP drive that might spin up still. awesome, for real

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
Phildo
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Reply #279 on: June 20, 2014, 08:46:32 AM

3.5", thank god.  At least someone still manufactures drives that can read those.  They're super cheap, too, if anyone out there still has old floppies kicking around that they'd want to access for a laugh.
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