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Author Topic: You can't make this shit up...  (Read 43171 times)
Jimbo
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Posts: 1470

still drives a stick shift


on: June 24, 2011, 12:25:24 AM

Been an eventful week in the Emergency Department:

Yesterday, had a lady get drunk, drive her car into a tree and face plant into it, she was alive on arrival, we intubated her and flew her to the trauma center.  Her family showed up, instead of showing the normal tearful grief, they had all lined up around the helicopter pad (one even had his truck up near it) and they all were clapping and cheering like she had won the tree vs car demolition derby as we were loading her onto the bird and flying her out.  I would have loved to have had a camera to record something that crazy.

  Then on Friday, we had just gotten a patient in by ambulance who had cut her wrist, and I was talking to the deputy when in runs one of our RT's from outside.  She says to me, "Jimbo!  Come quick there has been a bad accident in the parking lot!"  I grab another nurse and a stretcher and go out to the parking lot with the deputy, and low and behold we see a jeep cherokee that has driven over a large grass and cement median and hit two parked cars, the driver is out and has blood coming out of his arm and is running around, in the back seat we we see an guy that is unconscious looking like a pretzel, our other RT is yelling at the front seat passenger (who is pregnant) to stay still.  The pregnant girl gets out, runs to the back and pulls the unconscious guy out as me and the deputy are walking up, so I start yelling.  I have one grab the running around bleeding guy, one RN and RT take charge of the back seat passenger who is unconscious and that when the pregnant girl pulled out dropped him on his head on the ground, and one to take the pregnant girl in, the deputy and I did a quick survey, I asked him to further investigate and call dispatch, and left him to take the three back inside.

  Once inside we find out the driver has a laceration that needs stitches on his arm and hand, the pregnant girl went to OB floor to get checked (no injuries), and the unconscious guy wakes up with the great words of, "DID WE HIT THEM BITCES!"  He is waking up and getting combative, we have our security in the room who is a really big police officer, the little dude who was beaten unconscious takes a swing at him, and gets pinned and cuffed in like 0.2 seconds.  We ended up having to restrain him and give him a ton of haldol, geodon, and ativan, get him sleeping, then take him to CT.  He looks like he has been beaten on his left side of his face, where he might have a skull fracture, orbital fracture, Le Fort fracture, and jaw fracture, he was swollen to hell, and his chest had boot marks on them.  While getting him restrained and undressed I pulled off his shoe, revealing a fluffy pink woman's style sock, we all couldn't help but laugh as he yelled, "yea bitches I got pink sock!"  The officer asked him his name and he said a famous person's name, so our officer was like, "yeah right, what is your real name," then he said it again, so once again we were like, "comon' man, what is your real, name?"  I then got his wallet out and pulled out a learners permit with the famous person's name on it.  The patient then yells out, "I've got a 2 inch penis!" and pulls down his pants with a free arm.  One of the female RN's stated, "well at least he is honest."  So anyway, we finally get him calmed down and sedated and off to CT.

  His dad came in and gave the real story, seems they were in a motorcycle gang, and had a gang fight earlier in the morning.  He and his best friend (the driver) are like wannabies who hang around the gang and do their dirty work, so they had gone to rumble with some other gang.  He had gotten his ass beat at the rumble and was beaten unconscious there, so his friend took him to his house.  When he woke up, he got violent and started attacking his best friend and knifed his best friend in the arm and was tearing up the house.  So his best friend got tired of fighting him, so he got a baseball bat and beat him unconscious again (ding! mechanism of injury on left side of face fits it!), then freaked out because they couldn't wake him back up.  Oh, did I mention, both of them (driver and back seat passenger) were drunk?  They had been drinking all day, the famous "2 drinks" as they told us (when questioned, most people will tell me 2 drinks, even though they can't walk).  So both had trauma, were drunk, one person beaten unconscious twice, and so the drunk best friend decides to drive to the hospital, instead of letting the pregnant girl friend drive (who was sober).  So since he was driving fast to get to the hospital, he looses control in the parking lot, jumps the median, and hits two parked cars (smashed them up pretty bad), and then when the girl friend freaked out and dragged him out hit his head on the ground again!  His dad states that he lives in the basement, so when he gets out he is grounded (he is like mid 20's), and also told me he has a history of getting beaten unconscious a lot.

  Amazingly he didn't break anything and had no internal bleeding!  The driver went to jail, the pregnant girlfriend left AMA (who knows why she left the OB floor), and the drunk back seat passenger who was beaten unconscious several times, got admitted to ICU.  The next day he left AMA when he woke up, and walked out of the hospital and left walking down the side walk.


Later that Friday night we had a guy come in with the cops, he was under arrest for being stupid, well attempted robbery.  He took a steak knife to the mini mart @ 0400, told he clerk to give him the money he was robbing him.  The clerk laughed at him and told him, "you can't rob me, get out of here!"  The 20 something kid was like, "I can't rob you?"  The clerk again said, "no you can't, now get out of here!"  The kid was like, "I suck I'm gonna stab myself since I can't do anything right!"  and then stabbed himself in the big toe.  The clerk then came around the counter, took the knife away and held the kid down till the cops came.  He got a couple of stitches and tetanus shot, and went to jail, hopefully he is starring in worlds dumbest criminals.

stu
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Reply #1 on: June 24, 2011, 01:18:13 AM

 Heart

Dear Diary,
Jackpot!
Cadaverine
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Reply #2 on: June 24, 2011, 01:25:16 AM

I can only hope this sort of insanity isn't the norm.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.
ghost
The Dentist
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Reply #3 on: June 24, 2011, 06:50:28 AM

I can only hope this sort of insanity isn't the norm.

It is. 
Bunk
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Operating Thetan One


Reply #4 on: June 24, 2011, 08:00:10 AM

Um, I have to ask, did he take his shoe off first and do it methodically or was it some sort of barbarian yell followed by a lunging stab down at his own foot? Neither way seems very plausible, nor practical, when it comes to injuring oneself.

I really don't envy you Jimbo - that's not a job I could handle on a day to day basis. I have three stories I can think of regarding batshit crazyness in an ER. I've only been in an ER four or five times.

"Welcome to the internet, pussy." - VDL
"I have retard strength." - Schild
Draegan
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Reply #5 on: June 24, 2011, 10:11:46 AM

I got a chuckle out of "I have a 2-inch penis!"  That was pretty fucking random.
01101010
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You call it an accident. I call it justice.


Reply #6 on: June 24, 2011, 11:32:43 AM

So how long till the lawyers get past the clearance phase to drop this on Reality TV? I'd watch this over COPS any day.

"I want to watch it all burn in an orgy of smashed Coke machines and weasel rape." - HaemishM
Ingmar
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Reply #7 on: June 24, 2011, 12:59:26 PM

I have to imagine the confidentiality issues are a lot bigger with medical stuff.

The Transcendent One: AH... THE ROGUE CONSTRUCT.
Nordom: Sense of closure: imminent.
ghost
The Dentist
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Reply #8 on: June 24, 2011, 01:10:00 PM

I have to imagine the confidentiality issues are a lot bigger with medical stuff.

Yeah, not gonna happen. 
Prospero
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Reply #9 on: June 24, 2011, 01:39:29 PM

I'm sorry you have to suffer for our amusement Jimbo, but your work posts are better than any medical show on TV.
01101010
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You call it an accident. I call it justice.


Reply #10 on: June 24, 2011, 01:59:31 PM

I have to imagine the confidentiality issues are a lot bigger with medical stuff.

Yeah, not gonna happen. 

What about before they come under care of a medical professional? The scene in the parking lot should qualify as public no?  Oh ho ho ho. Reallllly?

"I want to watch it all burn in an orgy of smashed Coke machines and weasel rape." - HaemishM
LK
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Reply #11 on: June 24, 2011, 02:15:58 PM

I've drunk enough where I start acting that stupid.

Yeah. I'm not drinking so much anymore.

"Then there's the double-barreled shotgun from Doom 2 - no-one within your entire household could be of any doubt that it's been fired because it sounds like God slamming a door on his fingers." - Yahtzee Croshaw
Yegolev
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2/10 WOULD NOT INGEST


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Reply #12 on: June 25, 2011, 05:28:07 PM

Jimbo.  Write down all this shit and publish a book.  Instant monies.

Why am I homeless?  Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question.
They called it The Prayer, its answer was law
Mommy come back 'cause the water's all gone
Evildrider
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Reply #13 on: June 25, 2011, 06:49:42 PM

You don't even have to write a book, just twitter it.  Then you can get your own show starring William Shatner too!   awesome, for real
K9
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Reply #14 on: June 26, 2011, 08:35:00 AM

Book

Write it!

I love the smell of facepalm in the morning
Nerf
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Reply #15 on: June 26, 2011, 08:05:31 PM

Book

Write it!

It exists, it's called "Emergency!" IIRC, and full of great shit.  I've still got my copy around somewhere, I hope.
Yegolev
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2/10 WOULD NOT INGEST


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Reply #16 on: June 27, 2011, 08:47:22 AM

It's best that you are not a book publisher or television executive.

Why am I homeless?  Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question.
They called it The Prayer, its answer was law
Mommy come back 'cause the water's all gone
Azazel
Contributor
Posts: 7692


Reply #17 on: July 06, 2011, 10:13:59 PM

Amazing.

What is AMA?

Also, write or twitter this shit. I would absolutely buy this.

http://azazelx.wordpress.com/ - My Miniatures and Hobby Blog.
Trippy
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Reply #18 on: July 06, 2011, 10:18:24 PM

Against Medical Advice.
Paelos
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Error 404: Title not found.


Reply #19 on: July 07, 2011, 09:27:11 AM

Against Medical Advice.


Write a book, get rich, and name your new boat this, Jimbo.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Jimbo
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still drives a stick shift


Reply #20 on: July 07, 2011, 11:37:24 AM

Thanks all,

I love to read, but hate to write (I consider message boards the new "yellow post it notes" that we used to leave on each other doors or bulletin boards), so would have to be a collaborative endeavor.  It could even be used as a fund raiser if I could get enough of the departments to tell me some of the other things that have happened, then write them all down and publish it.

& if I ever do own a boat, I'll name it "Against Medical Advice"  Grin

Dr. Samuel Shem wrote "The House of God" back in 1978, it is fiction, but is based on real life, plus there have been many others.

I've got some more crazy stuff to write up, been a weird week, and believe it or not, no one blew themselves up or burned themselves with fireworks while I was there on the 4th!  First time in 6 years for me during a 4th of July shift.
Hawkbit
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Like a Klansman in the ghetto.


Reply #21 on: July 07, 2011, 04:15:50 PM

Good friend of ours is doing his residency as an eye surgeon.  He was pretty damn busy this past weekend.  Fireworks and eyeballs don't mix, I guess. 
Lantyssa
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Reply #22 on: July 07, 2011, 04:31:10 PM

I love to read, but hate to write (I consider message boards the new "yellow post it notes" that we used to leave on each other doors or bulletin boards), so would have to be a collaborative endeavor.  It could even be used as a fund raiser if I could get enough of the departments to tell me some of the other things that have happened, then write them all down and publish it.
Get a ghostwriter.  You relate the stories, they write them down and pretty them up, and you both walk away happy.

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
Der Helm
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Reply #23 on: July 07, 2011, 05:49:36 PM

Dr. Samuel Shem wrote "The House of God" back in 1978, it is fiction, but is based on real life, plus there have been many others.

That is one awesome book btw.  awesome, for real

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
Azazel
Contributor
Posts: 7692


Reply #24 on: July 07, 2011, 11:23:57 PM

& if I ever do own a boat, I'll name it "Against Medical Advice"  Grin

Looks like you've already got your book title...

http://azazelx.wordpress.com/ - My Miniatures and Hobby Blog.
Sir T
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Reply #25 on: July 13, 2011, 07:38:03 AM

Story I found on another forum that belongs on this thread...

Quote
Reminds me if a squad call I went on once. We were called out for a stabbing, (bad neighborhood) found the patient standing in front of a house with multiple stab wounds, chest and hand. Cops arrive with us. I take the patient into the unit, cops follow.

Cop 1: Sir, who did this to you?

Patient: My dad. (Patient was a (scary looking) 30 something living at home)

Cops head for the house. I’m doing my thing, bleeding control, O2, IV, ECG yadda yadda.

Patient’s ready to transport, cop 2 comes back to the unit. Gives me the “come here” nod. I go to the door.

Cop 2: He okay?

Me: Yep, nothing vital hit, was the dad in there?

Cop 2: Yep. Cop 1 is putting him in the car.

Me: What’d he say?

Cop2: (Shaking his head) Says he didn’t stab anyone, says he was just standing there holding a knife and his son ran up on it.

Me: Right

"I think its pretty troubling when a backyard decoration comes out swinging harder against Nazis than the President of the United States." Stephen Colbert
Tebonas
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Reply #26 on: July 18, 2011, 08:21:24 AM

Sounds legit to me. You know these 30somethings who live with their parents are into some crazy shit. Word of Warcraft most likely. The media tells me those roleplayers aren't above running against knives a few times just for giggles. Maybe he just wanted to see what he drops...
naum
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WWW
Reply #27 on: July 18, 2011, 05:39:58 PM

Mrs. Naum used to work in the ER and had stories similar to this… …especially on weekends, after dark…

"We offered players a Camelot. We immediately discovered players wanted to smear shit all over the walls, create giant penises out of whatever was available, rape, rob and kill their fellow players and anything else not given invulnerability while making the teabag emote over their corpses and generally be utter and complete cunts. So we dialed it back a little." ~HaemishM
Khaldun
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Reply #28 on: July 18, 2011, 06:06:13 PM

Interesting story in the NY Times on legal "bath salts" that this made me think of. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/17/us/17salts.html
Murgos
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Reply #29 on: July 18, 2011, 06:40:14 PM

Mrs. Naum used to work in the ER and had stories similar to this… …especially on weekends, after dark…

My wife's dad was a Dr. in the ER in a major city hospital for his entire career.  He doesn't talk about it much and mostly his family medical advice is, 'suck it up'.  Though, to be fair he does a thorough job of explaining why you should 'suck it up' and not bother going to see a Doctor.

"You have all recieved youre last warning. I am in the process of currently tracking all of youre ips and pinging your home adressess. you should not have commencemed a war with me" - Aaron Rayburn
Jimbo
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still drives a stick shift


Reply #30 on: August 03, 2011, 10:11:37 PM

Been hard to write, my friend was killed in the line of duty and his partner wounded.

Officer Brent Long and his partner Shadow (Belgian Malinois) were helping the federal marshals serve a federal warrant, when they were ambushed by the perp when Shadow found him in a hidden wall.  I'll let the local news tell you of "Bean" as we knew him...
http://www.wthitv.com/dpp/news/local/death-of-a-hero
http://interactives.wthitv.com/photomojo/gallery/660/1/fallen-in-the-line-of-duty-officer-long/policemen-react/

Officer Shadow was shot in the jaw, you can read about how he was saved here :
http://www.petconnection.com/blog/2011/07/21/officer-down-the-saving-of-shadow/

I don't want to end on a sad note, we've been really busy, probably from all the heat, and the natives are restless, I'll be back with some more local crazy crap soon.
Lantyssa
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Reply #31 on: August 03, 2011, 10:32:02 PM

I'm sorry, Jimbo.

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
Hawkbit
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Like a Klansman in the ghetto.


Reply #32 on: August 04, 2011, 01:22:21 AM

Yeah, I'm sorry, too.  I'm just appreciative of you folks out there making our lives better. 
RhyssaFireheart
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WWW
Reply #33 on: August 04, 2011, 08:12:05 AM

Really sorry to hear about your friend, Jimbo. :(

Sky
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I love my TV an' hug my TV an' call it 'George'.


WWW
Reply #34 on: August 04, 2011, 08:56:26 AM

Jimbo, sorry about your buddy.

It's odd how much the heat brings out the crazy, is it just because they're drinking more beer or that they don't have AC and are irritated.

I've almost been in countless accidents the last couple weeks because it seems all order has gone out the window.

I was making a right into a parking lot and a woman making the left into the same lot had pulled across two lanes, partially into my lane. Blocking oncoming traffic, but I had just enough room to get by, as she wasn't responding to my waving her in (so someone didn't hit her). She then cut across the parking lot (a pet peeve of mine) without slowing to look for traffic, almost hit a couple people and finally pulled out in front of a minivan, which hit her. When I came out of the store ten minutes later, expecting to give a quick witness report to the police, they were gone. Crazy.

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