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Author Topic: You can't make this shit up...  (Read 86245 times)
MahrinSkel
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When she crossed over, she was just a ship. But when she came back... she was bullshit!


Reply #210 on: June 24, 2013, 03:18:08 PM

To unpack what's happening there, you have to review literally thousands of years of history.  Almost as long as there's been a China, there have been exams to get into government service that were so grueling and demanding you essentially had to study your entire life to pass them.  So of course, there has been cheating, because literally your entire life is on the line in those exams and the consequences for getting caught cheating are effectively the same as failing.

Once cheating is common enough, cheating enough to beat other cheaters is the new bar.  This city was full of people who were really good at cheating and at getting the examiners to look the other way while they cheated.  And before you think this is just some wacky Asian thing, look at the shenanigans surrounding SAT/LSAT/MCAT testing here, and imagine what that would be like after a few hundred years.

--Dave

--Jello Biafra: "If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve."
Stormwaltz
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Reply #211 on: June 25, 2013, 04:56:50 PM

I was sure that "invigilator" was a made-up nonsense word. Turns out it's just British.

Nothing in this post represents the views of my current or previous employers.

"Isn't that just like an elf? Brings a spell to a gun fight."

"Sci-Fi writers don't invent the future, they market it."
- Henry Cobb
Engels
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inflicts shingles.


Reply #212 on: June 27, 2013, 01:21:44 PM

English is mostly made-up nonsense words.

I should get back to nature, too.  You know, like going to a shop for groceries instead of the computer.  Maybe a condo in the woods that doesn't even have a health club or restaurant attached.  Buy a car with only two cup holders or something. -Signe

I LIKE being bounced around by Tonkors. - Lantyssa

Babies shooting themselves in the head is the state bird of West Virginia. - schild
Jimbo
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still drives a stick shift


Reply #213 on: June 28, 2013, 05:15:24 AM

Had a wonderful time working the "super full moon", only got attacked by one patient.

I work part time at a small critical access hospital, were only 25 pt's can be admitted and the ER is only 9 beds, 2 (sometimes 3) RN's and one doctor. Some days it is busting ass busy and some days it is slow where you can actually read and catch up on continuing education (or dick around on facebook).

At 3 am, we get a call from the floor, one of the elderly pt's who has alzheimer's and dementia and she is paranoid big time, well she got up to the bathroom, shoved her daughter out, locked the bathroom door, and started beating the door with a gait belt (belt that you put around the pt to help them walk and keep them from falling, pretty thick web belt with big metal buckle).

She is screaming that we are coming to kill her, that we broke into her house and are going to kill her. And she is pissed off sounding and beating on the bathroom door and won't open it. Plus, we find out that the key to the bathroom door is no where to be found. At night there is no maintenance workers, so there was no way to call and get them to open the locked bathroom. Luckly, my pocket knife/multi-tool, could open the door. After about 1 hour of her beating on the door and screaming, her doctor said to open it and restrain her and give her meds. The pt's doctor is about my age, so I picked the lock, opened the door, and she tried to shut it, but we pulled it open hard. Then she backed up, squared up, and had the gait belt in a menacing 2 handed grip, and was going "MEERRRRRRRAAAAAAGH!" I took a bed sheet, gave one end to the doc, and I had the other, explained to the doc that we would step in and hold the sheet up so it would catch the belt when she swung, grab the belt, then I'll grab the arm nearest to me, and you grab the arm nearest to you, we close in and keep her restrained. He said, "Got it."

We stepped in, she swung and the sheet caught the belt, I tangled the belt into the sheet and pulled it away, at the same time I grabbed her right upper arm, then her right wrist with my other arm. The doc did the same thing. It worked, now we just had to walk her back to her bed. Then we placed her in bed, she still tried to bite and kick. But the medicine was ready and we gave her some ativan and haldol, which is used to stop crazy or out of control people.

The thing is, the 2 RN's working the floor were smaller than me and would have had a helluva time taking her down if I and her family doctor weren't available.

Sir T
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Reply #214 on: June 29, 2013, 11:40:29 AM

Yeesh. You think she was on something or just dementia?

Sometimes irony is pretty ironic.
Selby
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Reply #215 on: June 29, 2013, 12:19:38 PM

You think she was on something or just dementia?
Sounds like dementia if she was older.  Some people when they get badly confused in the later stages of dementia\Alzheimer's can get really violent if they are still physically capable of moving around much.

Younger people doing things like that tend to be mostly on some drug or have a severe mental problem.
Signe
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Muse.


Reply #216 on: June 29, 2013, 12:48:49 PM

My dad, who was always somewhat violent and clinically nuts, got more and more agitated and violent as he grew older until it became very difficult to even have him with us during holidays.  Luckily, his demeanour and body language would give him away when he was getting out of control.  He would also exhibit really bizarre behaviour even when he was calm, such as sleeping with both legs in one pajama leg and stuffing his nose and ears with paper.  Not long after my mother died, when he was around 60 or so, he became very reclusive something with which many of my family on that side suffer.  When he fell ill and we had to move him out of his flat, we found about 300 different sorts of knives, from tiny pocket knives to great big sword thingamabobbies.  No idea wtf he was thinking.  It was very sad.

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
angry.bob
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Reply #217 on: July 01, 2013, 01:24:54 PM

When he fell ill and we had to move him out of his flat, we found about 300 different sorts of knives, from tiny pocket knives to great big sword thingamabobbies.  No idea wtf he was thinking.  It was very sad.

Could he have taken up knife collecting? I'm not trying to minimize or invalidate your experiences, but lots of people collect a particular type of weapon as an object instead of a tool. Even with mental illness 300 seems like an excessive number to own with the intend of using them for violence.

Wovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen.
ghost
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Reply #218 on: July 01, 2013, 01:50:47 PM

Sounds like some serious OCD and/or schizophrenia.  I never put anything past schizophrenics.  The poor guys just have no touch with reality. 
Signe
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Muse.


Reply #219 on: July 01, 2013, 03:05:00 PM

Yes, he collected them but he used to carry them around, too.  He kept giving people knives for birthdays or holidays or just whatever.  It was very disconcerting.  I'm sure he didn't buy them intending to use them for some kind of planned violence.  Having said that, it doesn't mean he wouldn't have hurt someone or even himself when he was feeling paranoid.  Some people are just so unpredictable.  I was pretty much terrified of him when I was very young.  I've know other people who were super unpredictable although not violent.  It's freaky. 

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
rk47
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Reply #220 on: July 04, 2013, 11:39:19 PM


Colonel Sanders is back in my wallet
schild
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WWW
Reply #221 on: July 05, 2013, 12:14:07 AM

whoa
TheWalrus
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Reply #222 on: July 05, 2013, 01:06:30 AM

Holy fuckin wow if real.

we did it gang, we successfully actually impeached trump

now! [claps hands] on to the next, more important step of this — we must convince ourselves this is meaningless and we have accomplished nothing in an even symbolic sense and will still lose. let's have a big "nothing matters" on the count of three! one, two
-Samprimary
rk47
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The Patron Saint of Radicalthons


Reply #223 on: July 05, 2013, 01:14:23 AM


Colonel Sanders is back in my wallet
Sir T
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Reply #224 on: July 07, 2013, 06:55:56 AM

CNN story on the same incident

At least I hope its the same incident.

http://edition.cnn.com/2013/07/07/world/americas/brazil-soccer-dismemberment/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

Sometimes irony is pretty ironic.
proudft
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Reply #225 on: July 08, 2013, 05:45:30 PM

At the bottom of this article is allegedly a link to video of the aftermath: http://deadspin.com/referee-kills-player-then-gets-beheaded-at-brazilian-so-685459212

I say allegedly because there's no way in hell I'm clicking on it.
Cadaverine
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Reply #226 on: July 08, 2013, 06:18:51 PM

It is a video of the referee at what looks to be the coroners office.  He was definitely decapitated, and dismembered.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.
Der Helm
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Reply #227 on: July 09, 2013, 01:20:32 AM

Well that escalated quickly...

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
Rasix
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Reply #228 on: July 10, 2013, 06:29:17 PM

I think he'd rather have the divorce..

I couldn't watch the whole thing.  Wife casually hires hitman to kill husband.  Smiles and laughs a lot..  ACK! ACK! ACK! ACK! 

"Don't kill him inside, that might be messy"

-Rasix
Paelos
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Reply #229 on: July 10, 2013, 06:39:16 PM

That's pretty sick.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
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Merusk
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Reply #230 on: July 10, 2013, 07:19:44 PM

Wow, she's fucking twisted and all kinds of into herself.

Then again, 20-years-old and married "for a while." (As she'd been thinking about doing this for some time) to a guy 7 years older who also doesn't want her to go to prison. Ugh.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
ezrast
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Reply #231 on: July 10, 2013, 11:00:19 PM

That is hilarious in that it's, like, "sheltered middle-class white girl" taken to its most absurd extreme. Hope the dude figures out pretty quick the judge is doing him a favor.
Paelos
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Error 404: Title not found.


Reply #232 on: July 11, 2013, 11:09:09 AM

That is hilarious in that it's, like, "sheltered middle-class white girl" taken to its most absurd extreme. Hope the dude figures out pretty quick the judge is doing him a favor.

If the dude doesn't want to press charges against a woman who actively tried to have him killed, he's probably not long for this earth anyway.


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Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
ezrast
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Reply #233 on: July 11, 2013, 08:16:08 PM

It's a pretty traumatic way to have your marriage fall apart. Poor guy's probably just in denial.
Paelos
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Reply #234 on: July 11, 2013, 10:48:45 PM

It's a pretty traumatic way to have your marriage fall apart. Poor guy's probably just in denial.

They couldn't have been married longer than a couple of years, she's only 20. I mean there's a ton you can forgive in a marriage, but there's a video of her PUTTING OUT A HIT ON THE DUDE. I can't even wrap my head around denial over that.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
rk47
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Reply #235 on: July 13, 2013, 08:09:46 PM



A MAN has died after a cow crashed through his roof and landed on him as he lay sleeping.

According to media reports Joao Maria de Souza, 45, was in bed with his wife, Leni, when the bovine crashed two and a half metres through the ceiling of their home in Caratinga, in south eastern Brazil.
The roof backs on to a steep hill and it is believed the cow climbed up there after escaping from a nearby farm, the Daily Mail reported.
The victim’s mother, Maria de Souza, reportedly told Brazil's SuperCanal TV channel: “I didn't bring my son up to be killed by a falling cow.”
Mr de Souza was taken to hospital with a suspected fractured leg and was reported to be talking and fully conscious. However, he died some hours later from internal bleeding after doctors failed to treat him, his family said.

Both the one-and-a-half tonne cow and Mr de Souza's wife were reportedly unharmed.

Mr de Souza’s mother told the TV station: “He nearly died when he was two and got meningitis, but I worked hard to buy medicines for him and he survived.
“And now he's lying in his bed and gets crushed to death by a cow. There's no justice in the world.”


Read more: http://www.news.com.au/world-news/brazilian-man-killed-in-bed-after-cow-falls-through-his-roof/story-fndir2ev-1226679058525#ixzz2Yyge0DI8

Colonel Sanders is back in my wallet
Paelos
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Error 404: Title not found.


Reply #236 on: July 13, 2013, 08:16:42 PM

And that was the beginning of the cow rebellion.

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calapine
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Reply #237 on: July 14, 2013, 05:26:55 AM

And that was the beginning of the cow rebellion.

Lt. Colonel Kilgore, two years into the War C: 'I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Smells like beef!'

I'll get my coat.
« Last Edit: July 14, 2013, 05:31:32 AM by calapine »

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Signe
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Muse.


Reply #238 on: July 14, 2013, 10:36:34 AM

I could make this shit up.

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
Jimbo
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Reply #239 on: February 02, 2014, 04:01:47 PM

Been busy, here is some things that have happened:

Have had 2 self inflicted stab wounds to the neck lately. The first one was from a guy who is paranoid schizophrenic and thought a motor cycle gang was after him. So he took a box cutter and hid in his friends trailer and cut his own throat! He took the box cutter and made a bunch of slashes across his throat. He slashed so many he made a hole in his throat almost right where a surgeon would have done it for a tracheostomy. The medics got him under control, got him an iv and some pain meds and bandaged it and beat feet to our ER. We then set up for a RSI, where the ER Doc tried and it came out the whole he had cut in his throat. So the next time he went deeper, but it didn't feel or act right. So we grabbed a big trache tube and slid it in and it worked great. We then examined his neck and found that he had missed the arteries, so we were able to bandage up his neck, and to secure them we put a c-collar on which held the bandages and left a passage for the trache tube. Then off to Indy he went via helicopter to the trauma center. Later we heard he did great and was on the psych floor getting treatment. BTW, we rocked the trauma room, I think there was blood on the ceiling once we were done.

The next guy happened a week later, most of us were on again that worked the blood mess. The next one they call and say that another guy cut his throat and is all bloody at check in. We rush him on back, I'm holding pressure, the doc is in, the other team members are in, and we pull it back and it was like a 3cm cut. Missed everything, so we all looked at each other, then started sewing it up. The guy first tried to say his girl friend did it. Then changed to 2 black guys jumped me at the gas station, then finally he said he did it because they were fighting. Then the dumb ass tried to sign out and leave after we had him sewn up. So we got an emergency detention and sent him to the stress unit (they were loving us).

Got some more, but working tonight, so I've been jotting down notes and need to expand some of the things that happen.
Der Helm
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Reply #240 on: February 03, 2014, 10:02:13 AM

Oh oh oh.... I got one I think, I had forgotten about this thread.

So I still work at this hotel/hostel, but at the moment I work in the smaller of the two houses we run in Cologne. Fun part about this is that I can work alone, the whole night. Never new how many crazy people wander the streets of my home town at night. Recent high watermark was set by a certain lady whose name escapes me at the moment. I distinctly remember that she gave almost ran out of space on the registration form because of the amount of names she had. Not sure if I am phrasing this correctly but her first names were something along the lines of Anneliese Lieselotte Elfriede Margarethe (and several more) followed by a von Müller-Thurgau zu Auenstein (pretty sure about Müller-Thurgau since it is also a brand of wine in Germany).
Before my shift started the lady had already arrived and had just checked in. Apparently she had arrived in a large limousine. My coworker from the day shift informs me that, while he was checking her in, he had gotten a call from a different hotel warning us not to check her in, because she had left her room there without paying and quite severely damaged. Upon me requesting to know WHY THE FUCK DID HE THEN CHECK HER IN ?!?eleven1! he replied that she was "already filling out the forms" when the call came. I had to fight my impulse to just smack him up the head, very hard. But now she is in the room, it is already approaching midnight so I decide to let her just stay in the room because an eviction almost always results in me calling the cops since the former guests just don't believe that I am allowed to kick them out if they misbehave. I would have to remove them by force, a job for which the police is much better paid and that disturbs the other guests. Very well, maybe it was a misunderstanding. The night is pretty quiet until 5 am. The lady in question is standing in front of me, waving back forth, left and right like reed in the wind and demands a different room since this one has cat hairs in it and she is allergic.  Can't breath. The smell of cheap booze, beer and no showering for a few days is breathtaking. I inform her that there a A) no more rooms avaible and B) there are no cat hairs in her room because guests are not allowed to bring other pets than dogs.  She does not take it well. Starts arguing with me, demands at least disinfectants for her to clean the room herself. Fat chance, she would have probably drunk it. I am also pretty that would not help against allergies. She wanders off, back to her room. about 10 minutes later an ambulance stops before the hotel, the paramedics rush in and inform me that someone had called for help, a women, she were on the verge of suffocation. I give them the room number, but the almost dead lady just comes down the elevator at this very second. And insists that she is taken to the hospital. This pattern repeats itself for a few days. She has a complaint, gets nowhere with it and gets an asthma attack, gets driven off in an ambulance, comes back a few hours later, repeat a few hours after that. During that time I had a few days off, no idea why nobody just kicked her out, but apparently my coworkers are afraid of the guests and to intimidated kick someone out. So I have to do it when I notice that she has only payed the first night of her 4 night stay (in German Hostels you usually have to pay upon check in). When I confront her about it, asthma again (surprise). I call the ambulance AND the police, police arrives earlier, checks her ID, finds out there is a warrant on her for outstanding hotel fees in 5 or  6 cities in Germany. She is driven off by the ambulance, police take her into custody at the hospital, that was 4 weeks ago. We still have her stuff locked away in our storage.

It's a fun job.

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
Ironwood
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Reply #241 on: February 03, 2014, 10:23:17 AM

She sounds very much like The Countess Von Nutter-Butter.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
HaemishM
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Reply #242 on: February 03, 2014, 11:21:35 AM

Was this her?


Der Helm
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Reply #243 on: February 03, 2014, 06:13:30 PM

Same crazy eyes, don't know about the STDs, probably less. She was a classy lady, just psychotic and alcoholic.

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
Der Helm
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Reply #244 on: February 10, 2014, 12:54:31 AM

So. Some stupid cunt gets into a drunk fight with her romeo and decides to jump out of the window. 2nd Floor. About 9 feet drop. There was lots of screaming.

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
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