f13.net

Been an eventful week in the Emergency Department:

Yesterday, had a lady get drunk, drive her car into a tree and face plant into it, she was alive on arrival, we intubated her and flew her to the trauma center.  Her family showed up, instead of showing the normal tearful grief, they had all lined up around the helicopter pad (one even had his truck up near it) and they all were clapping and cheering like she had won the tree vs car demolition derby as we were loading her onto the bird and flying her out.  I would have loved to have had a camera to record something that crazy.

  Then on Friday, we had just gotten a patient in by ambulance who had cut her wrist, and I was talking to the deputy when in runs one of our RT's from outside.  She says to me, "Jimbo!  Come quick there has been a bad accident in the parking lot!"  I grab another nurse and a stretcher and go out to the parking lot with the deputy, and low and behold we see a jeep cherokee that has driven over a large grass and cement median and hit two parked cars, the driver is out and has blood coming out of his arm and is running around, in the back seat we we see an guy that is unconscious looking like a pretzel, our other RT is yelling at the front seat passenger (who is pregnant) to stay still.  The pregnant girl gets out, runs to the back and pulls the unconscious guy out as me and the deputy are walking up, so I start yelling.  I have one grab the running around bleeding guy, one RN and RT take charge of the back seat passenger who is unconscious and that when the pregnant girl pulled out dropped him on his head on the ground, and one to take the pregnant girl in, the deputy and I did a quick survey, I asked him to further investigate and call dispatch, and left him to take the three back inside.

  Once inside we find out the driver has a laceration that needs stitches on his arm and hand, the pregnant girl went to OB floor to get checked (no injuries), and the unconscious guy wakes up with the great words of, "DID WE HIT THEM BITCES!"  He is waking up and getting combative, we have our security in the room who is a really big police officer, the little dude who was beaten unconscious takes a swing at him, and gets pinned and cuffed in like 0.2 seconds.  We ended up having to restrain him and give him a ton of haldol, geodon, and ativan, get him sleeping, then take him to CT.  He looks like he has been beaten on his left side of his face, where he might have a skull fracture, orbital fracture, Le Fort fracture, and jaw fracture, he was swollen to hell, and his chest had boot marks on them.  While getting him restrained and undressed I pulled off his shoe, revealing a fluffy pink woman's style sock, we all couldn't help but laugh as he yelled, "yea bitches I got pink sock!"  The officer asked him his name and he said a famous person's name, so our officer was like, "yeah right, what is your real name," then he said it again, so once again we were like, "comon' man, what is your real, name?"  I then got his wallet out and pulled out a learners permit with the famous person's name on it.  The patient then yells out, "I've got a 2 inch penis!" and pulls down his pants with a free arm.  One of the female RN's stated, "well at least he is honest."  So anyway, we finally get him calmed down and sedated and off to CT.

  His dad came in and gave the real story, seems they were in a motorcycle gang, and had a gang fight earlier in the morning.  He and his best friend (the driver) are like wannabies who hang around the gang and do their dirty work, so they had gone to rumble with some other gang.  He had gotten his ass beat at the rumble and was beaten unconscious there, so his friend took him to his house.  When he woke up, he got violent and started attacking his best friend and knifed his best friend in the arm and was tearing up the house.  So his best friend got tired of fighting him, so he got a baseball bat and beat him unconscious again (ding! mechanism of injury on left side of face fits it!), then freaked out because they couldn't wake him back up.  Oh, did I mention, both of them (driver and back seat passenger) were drunk?  They had been drinking all day, the famous "2 drinks" as they told us (when questioned, most people will tell me 2 drinks, even though they can't walk).  So both had trauma, were drunk, one person beaten unconscious twice, and so the drunk best friend decides to drive to the hospital, instead of letting the pregnant girl friend drive (who was sober).  So since he was driving fast to get to the hospital, he looses control in the parking lot, jumps the median, and hits two parked cars (smashed them up pretty bad), and then when the girl friend freaked out and dragged him out hit his head on the ground again!  His dad states that he lives in the basement, so when he gets out he is grounded (he is like mid 20's), and also told me he has a history of getting beaten unconscious a lot.

  Amazingly he didn't break anything and had no internal bleeding!  The driver went to jail, the pregnant girlfriend left AMA (who knows why she left the OB floor), and the drunk back seat passenger who was beaten unconscious several times, got admitted to ICU.  The next day he left AMA when he woke up, and walked out of the hospital and left walking down the side walk.


Later that Friday night we had a guy come in with the cops, he was under arrest for being stupid, well attempted robbery.  He took a steak knife to the mini mart @ 0400, told he clerk to give him the money he was robbing him.  The clerk laughed at him and told him, "you can't rob me, get out of here!"  The 20 something kid was like, "I can't rob you?"  The clerk again said, "no you can't, now get out of here!"  The kid was like, "I suck I'm gonna stab myself since I can't do anything right!"  and then stabbed himself in the big toe.  The clerk then came around the counter, took the knife away and held the kid down till the cops came.  He got a couple of stitches and tetanus shot, and went to jail, hopefully he is starring in worlds dumbest criminals.

 :heart:

I can only hope this sort of insanity isn't the norm.

It is. 

Um, I have to ask, did he take his shoe off first and do it methodically or was it some sort of barbarian yell followed by a lunging stab down at his own foot? Neither way seems very plausible, nor practical, when it comes to injuring oneself.

I really don't envy you Jimbo - that's not a job I could handle on a day to day basis. I have three stories I can think of regarding batshit crazyness in an ER. I've only been in an ER four or five times.

I got a chuckle out of "I have a 2-inch penis!"  That was pretty fucking random.

So how long till the lawyers get past the clearance phase to drop this on Reality TV? I'd watch this over COPS any day.

I have to imagine the confidentiality issues are a lot bigger with medical stuff.

Yeah, not gonna happen. 

I'm sorry you have to suffer for our amusement Jimbo, but your work posts are better than any medical show on TV.

What about before they come under care of a medical professional? The scene in the parking lot should qualify as public no?  :grin:

I've drunk enough where I start acting that stupid.

Yeah. I'm not drinking so much anymore.

Jimbo.  Write down all this shit and publish a book.  Instant monies.

You don't even have to write a book, just twitter it.  Then you can get your own show starring William Shatner too!   :awesome_for_real:

Book

Write it!

It exists, it's called "Emergency!" IIRC, and full of great shit.  I've still got my copy around somewhere, I hope.

It's best that you are not a book publisher or television executive.

Amazing.

What is AMA?

Also, write or twitter this shit. I would absolutely buy this.

Against Medical Advice.

Write a book, get rich, and name your new boat this, Jimbo.

Thanks all,

I love to read, but hate to write (I consider message boards the new "yellow post it notes" that we used to leave on each other doors or bulletin boards), so would have to be a collaborative endeavor.  It could even be used as a fund raiser if I could get enough of the departments to tell me some of the other things that have happened, then write them all down and publish it.

& if I ever do own a boat, I'll name it "Against Medical Advice"  ;D

Dr. Samuel Shem wrote "The House of God" back in 1978, it is fiction, but is based on real life, plus there have been many others.

I've got some more crazy stuff to write up, been a weird week, and believe it or not, no one blew themselves up or burned themselves with fireworks while I was there on the 4th!  First time in 6 years for me during a 4th of July shift.

Good friend of ours is doing his residency as an eye surgeon.  He was pretty damn busy this past weekend.  Fireworks and eyeballs don't mix, I guess. 

Get a ghostwriter.  You relate the stories, they write them down and pretty them up, and you both walk away happy.

That is one awesome book btw.  :awesome_for_real:

Looks like you've already got your book title...

Story I found on another forum that belongs on this thread...

Sounds legit to me. You know these 30somethings who live with their parents are into some crazy shit. Word of Warcraft most likely. The media tells me those roleplayers aren't above running against knives a few times just for giggles. Maybe he just wanted to see what he drops...

Mrs. Naum used to work in the ER and had stories similar to this… …especially on weekends, after dark…

Interesting story in the NY Times on legal "bath salts" that this made me think of. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/17/us/17salts.html

My wife's dad was a Dr. in the ER in a major city hospital for his entire career.  He doesn't talk about it much and mostly his family medical advice is, 'suck it up'.  Though, to be fair he does a thorough job of explaining why you should 'suck it up' and not bother going to see a Doctor.

Been hard to write, my friend was killed in the line of duty and his partner wounded.

Officer Brent Long and his partner Shadow (Belgian Malinois) were helping the federal marshals serve a federal warrant, when they were ambushed by the perp when Shadow found him in a hidden wall.  I'll let the local news tell you of "Bean" as we knew him...
http://www.wthitv.com/dpp/news/local/death-of-a-hero
http://interactives.wthitv.com/photomojo/gallery/660/1/fallen-in-the-line-of-duty-officer-long/policemen-react/

Officer Shadow was shot in the jaw, you can read about how he was saved here :
http://www.petconnection.com/blog/2011/07/21/officer-down-the-saving-of-shadow/

I don't want to end on a sad note, we've been really busy, probably from all the heat, and the natives are restless, I'll be back with some more local crazy crap soon.

I'm sorry, Jimbo.

Yeah, I'm sorry, too.  I'm just appreciative of you folks out there making our lives better. 

Really sorry to hear about your friend, Jimbo. :(

Jimbo, sorry about your buddy.

It's odd how much the heat brings out the crazy, is it just because they're drinking more beer or that they don't have AC and are irritated.

I've almost been in countless accidents the last couple weeks because it seems all order has gone out the window.

I was making a right into a parking lot and a woman making the left into the same lot had pulled across two lanes, partially into my lane. Blocking oncoming traffic, but I had just enough room to get by, as she wasn't responding to my waving her in (so someone didn't hit her). She then cut across the parking lot (a pet peeve of mine) without slowing to look for traffic, almost hit a couple people and finally pulled out in front of a minivan, which hit her. When I came out of the store ten minutes later, expecting to give a quick witness report to the police, they were gone. Crazy.

When I worked for the library system, the summers were awful.  I worked inner city, so we got a fair share of already nutty people coming in for the A/C. 

Examples of crazy in the heat:

Summertime was the only time I would catch people masturbating in the library. 
I got into a fistfight trying to evict a homeless person from the building.
Kids not in school dumped their stolen cars off at the library, one they left in gear and it hit the building. 

The list goes on...

Jimbo, that sucks.

Heat always brought more fist-fights, knife-fights, gunshot wounds, and mangling and mutilation of all sorts stranger than anything concocted by fictional narratives -- at least that is what the folk manning the ER spots have informed me…

Heat always brought me more audits.

That sucks about your bud.  :?

Not allowed to physically eject someone, we tell them to leave then call the police.

We wouldn't usually either.  He was asked to leave then started cussing, screaming and finally lunging at a female employee.  Two of us stepped between and the guy backed off.  As we were corralling him away from other people he suckerpunched my buddy, so I took the guy down.  He got out from my grasp before the cops got there though. 

Officer and our head security told me next time to stay back, but I told them I'm not going to let another (especially female) employee be attacked and not intervene.  They said okay, but next time make sure to beat the shit out of the guy before they get there...  yeah.  They really said that.   :uhrr:

Sorry to hear that, Jimbo.

 :cry:

http://m.cbsnews.com/storysynopsis.rbml?feed_id=0&catid=20090088&videofeed=36 (http://m.cbsnews.com/storysynopsis.rbml?feed_id=0&catid=20090088&videofeed=36)

Almost a Darwin.

I'd say it counts since it sounds likely he's made it at least significantly more difficult for himself to breed.

Thank the gods for that.

& we're back!
1st off, had some one try & "kidnap" me :-) well more like she was so drunk she didn't know what she was doing.  We got the report of female passed out from drinking, she was awake & ready to go when she got to us.  I was off doing something else & saw her jump out of bed & stripper dance on her IV pole, so I went & told her to get back in bed so she doesn't hurt her self.  She took a look @ me & had that come here & fuck me look that females get (puppy dog eyes big time!!), and was doing everything I told her.  Her sister told the doc to either let her take her home now or we could keep her & deal with her drunkeness.  The doc was qucik to write it up, while I'm unhooking her iv & getting vitals she keeps grrabbing & rubbing my arms & once my scrub pants!  The 2 female RNs outside were crackin up over me trying to keep drunk horney chick from groping me.  Finally got her outside in a wheelchair (hell no I'm not letting her walk & fall), & she is like "you are soooo cute!  Can I take you home?" I'm like no I have to work!  She then says, " can I tie you up & throw ya in the back of the truck & make ya smile?"  I'm like no you need to go home & sleep!  Her sister pulls up & says sorry she just got out of prision & she is so drunk & horney!  Lol!  Just what I need a crazy girl w/ a prision record comeing after me!

Next tale will be off the crazy dude who shot himself in the mouth...off to work, be safe all!

that's the stuff!

Dear Penthouse...

Was she hot ? Pics ?  :grin:

Sorry Der Helm, no pic's allowed or I would get in trouble.

I had a dude who sounded like the zombies from Call of Duty, he shot himself in the mouth and it was wild!  Call came in for a male that had attempted suicide and missed and shot himself in the right lower jaw with a .357 magnum.  Medics said he was anxious but holding his airway, they had put it back into place and were securing it with a NRB Mask (non-rebreather mask), had given him some meds to sedate him and got him to us.  Our Doc was debating on if he needs to just intubate the person, or if the airway is so messed up he would have to do an emergency cricothyrotomy (cut a hole in his neck and pass a tube into his lung).  When the pt arrived, he was stable other than his airway, I was getting report and helping to move him over, when his mask fell off when we unhooked it for cot change.  He tried to talk and made the zombie noises and blood was spraying everywhere.  Doc made the call of intubation and after RSI (rapid sequence intubation) meds given and he was out, Doc grabbed his jaw, held it out and slide the tube down into his lungs w/o problem.  Report at 1st was that this guy had caught his girlfriend and his friend having sex, walked into the living room and put a gun to his head and said i can't live without you, and fired...but he had it too low so he blew off his lower...well sort of part was gone and part there, it was a freaking jigsaw puzzle that was bloody!

Well we stabilized him and sent him off to the trauma center in Indy, and then the cops show up and tell us the real story.  Seems the three of them were actually robbers, who were going to rob and meth dealer, and they had gotten together and planned it out.  They went to get a gun and the dude who shot himself had acquired a gun and was bringing it into the house to show the other two and when he got it out of his truck it had gone off and shot his truck, the other 2 were watching and said that zombie mouth had said, "hey it works!"  Then all three of them went inside where zombie mouth then said, "hey let's play Russian Roulette!"  The other two said hell no!  So zombie mouth decides to play with it with himself, he did one click and said, "hey I'm winning!"  Then on the second click BOOOM!  He lost.  The other two had tried to make the story of suicide, but the cops had know about these idiots and that all three had different girl friends or boy friends.  The other two came clean pretty quick when confronted.  Oh he lived, they had to take a piece of his rib and reconstruct his lower jaw, found out because he came in under arrest for DUI.

So, how does someone in your line of work just not decide at one point that humanity isn't worth saving?

And you become a supervillian!

Early in his career, Doctor Doom was simply EMT DOom.

All those cases were carefully staged by evil future time-travelling Jimbo.

So supervillain Jimbo is setting him up in the past to turn himself into a supervillain. Interesting. The day he wraps himself in tinfoil and climbs into the MRI machine is when he gets his powers.

Can't remember if tinfoil is magnetic or not.

It's not, I guess. Evidently my superpower is being a dumbass.

Technically aluminum and tin are paramagnetic.  Which is to say: they react to magnetism, but only a physicist would notice or care.

My brass magnet disagrees.

Orly? (http://lmgtfy.com/?q=brass)

Incidentally, a brass rare earth magnet is not a brass magnet.

Doesn't a MRI create a fucking strong oscillating magnetic field? You'd think that aluminum would show visible reaction to this.

http://hyperphysics.phy-astr.gsu.edu/Hbase/tables/magprop.html

Chaps, what are we doing ?

Taking about the feasibility of Jimbo turning into a mutant via MRI.  Me?  I think he's going to borrow some radioiodine from oncology.

Against Medical Advice is both a book I would work on AND help get published.

Too good.

It was a rocking Sunday!  I came on, saw 4 cop cars and 2 ambulances in the bays, new it was gonna be a fun night.

I'll sum up the notes on this one:

EMS from out of town roll in with a middle aged man on board holding a big serving spoon in his hand.  He has a really deranged look in his eyes but got off the ems cot w/o problem, but held on to his spoon.  I was out in the hall and couldn't help myself, I had to say "SPOON"  like The Tick, but damn it, I was the only one who got it, had to explain about the tick and his use of the spoon.  Another nurse triaged him, I'll relay my notes she gave me on him:

Arrived by EMS from XXXX
Police dispatched to pt's house in XXXX for pt on the roof of his house shouting about Satan.  Per EMS, pt is not taking his psych meds for an unknown amount of time.  When EMS arrived, pt is holding a spoon (large serving type spoon), stating, "i have been eating spoonful of sugar to beat someone"  Pt has not eaten or slept for days, pt is awake but not willing to answer questions.  Pt thinks the year is 1962, denies that he wants to hurt himself, but states, "they want to burn me"  Pt then states that his long haired dachshund is hunting witches in the house, and will come out and blink Morse code to him with status reports.

Needless to say, we took the spoon away (which broke darn it!), and gave him a nice dose of haldol and ativan and he went to sleep.  We got him Emergency Detained and sent up to the psych ward.  We ended up calling the pt's spoon, "the spoon of justice" since he was shouting at the devil while hunting witches.  I felt sorry for his dog!

Next one----

New Year's Eve:

We get a guy who is in his late 60's come in for neck pain, he is on an ambulance from the county below us, but didn't want to go to there ER and came to mine.  EMS reports that he suffered a fall, has been drinking and taking narcotics.  He has a c-collar on and has a hx of broken lower back.  Once in and on my cot, we find out the whole story.  EMS states that they  picked him up at the American Legion in XXX, his wife was the driver and went to jail, he was the passenger, they had just left
XXX hospital AMA, and was trying to drive to us when he couldn't take the pain, so the called 911, which the police came and arrested her for driving drunk and he got sent to us for his neck pain.

What had happened, he was at the Moose Lodge and had been drinking, so him and his wife left to go home.  He needed to pee on the way home, so pulled over to the side of the road.  The road he is on has a very steep ditch, about 8 feet down, with some cement in the bottom.  Well, he lost his balance while relieving himself and fell down, hitting his head on the bottom.  He felt a snap and felt a crunch in his neck, he didn't throw his hands out (was holding onto his penis) and try and stop the fall, so his head took the brunt.  He then finishes up, climbs back up, gets in the car, decides his neck hurts so takes two extra strength vicoden and drives to the local ER.  They immediately bring him back, get him in a gown and put a c-collar on him, but the the drunk dude gets mad at the doctor, yells at him, and leaves.  He makes his wife drive, but she is drunk like him, so they don't make it far, they pull into the American Legion and call 911, where the cops come and arrest her and send him b ambulance to get checked out.

My exam shows a bruised and swollen middle of forehead, point tender to his neck, he freely admits to drinking "alot of beer and whiskey and then I took some more Vicoden to help the pain"  I had to keep replacing the c-collar as he would keep
trying to take it off.  The CT confirmed what I was thinking, he had a vertebral compression fracture of C-4.  It was stable, but needed treated to keep from getting worse.  We got his family in to help get him convinced he needed to go to Indy to get it taken care of and to do what was told.

When I called report to the trauma center, the Charge Nurse there took my report, summed it back up, "so he got drunk, drove, stopped to pee, slipped while peeing and fell on his neck, crawled out, took more vicodn, then drove hims self to the ER, left that ER ama, tried to drive to your er, couldn't make it, so had his wife drive, but she was pretty drunk, so she got arrested and he came to you by ambulance"  "and when he fell he broke his neck?"  I said yep that is right.  The charge RN in Indy went, "Unfucking Believeable.

Got some more, but I'm tired

 :awesome_for_real:

The dog blinking status updates in Morse code got me.  :why_so_serious:

I like a man who has his priorities straight.

"A spoonful of sugar makes the beating down!"

I'll have to at some point connect Jimbo with our nurse who worked in the ER at JCH in Baltimore.  I'm sure she has more crazy stories.

more plz

Some how, reading Jimbo's stories makes me feel a lot better about myself and my life.

Anyone that's ever worked in an ER has crazy (and sad) stories to tell.  Your metro ER is the cesspit of humanity.  One of my co-residents had a pistol pulled on him in the psych ER many years ago.  It's not all that fun, to be honest.

I think we need some theme music when some of the patients come in...

Things to remember, never get drunk and jump off your house, sad thing this is the second time I've had a patient do this!

Call came in for a possible diving board injury, that a 45 y.o. female had been hurt while jumping off a diving board into there pool.  She came in by EMS and with Sheriff's Deputies, and that is when the full story came out.  It seems she and her husband were drinking with there kids and some friends (thank goodness her kids were in there 20's), when the kids were climbing on the roof and jumping in the pool.  Oh lots of alcohol was being consumed, she had been drinking and her kids were egging her on to jump off the roof into the pool.  Well she tried, and when she jumped she missed.  She hit feet first on the concrete next to the pool, then bounced into the pool!  So what she had done was climb her drunk ass up onto the roof, which is about 15 feet up, then jumped and landed flat footed not in the pool, but on the concrete next to the pool, then kinda bounced into the pool...which was about 8 feet deep on that end.  Ya for redneck home building!  Luckly they called 911 and pulled her out.  The deputies and ems got her packaged and the cops secured the scene, well as they were treating the mom, one of the kids was still wanting to party so came back in and started drinking again, so the deputies removed the son till he calmed down and the mom was gone and they could investigate the accident.  She broke not her ankles (had a guy about 8 years ago jump out of a 2nd story window with an umbrella while drunk, and broke both ankle/tib fibs) which looked like it, but worse, she broke her back.  She had a fracture of the 4th lumbar and it was a doozy, it was a burst fracture where the it kinda exploded, she wasn't paralyzed, but had lost fine motor control.  She couldn't move her toes, but could move her foot.  So since my hospital doesn't have a neuro group, off to Indy she went by the helicopter.  She got to jump off a roof and ride in a helicopter all in a day.  Oh yeah, her blood alcohol level was 0.24 which is 3 times the legal limit.  And the paramedic and crew stated that her friends and family were cheering her jump, bounce, splash like she had broken an Olympic record.

Gotta work again, more coming up later (bath salts, k2, freaky diaries)...

I'm not so sure about that.   :oh_i_see:

Oh dear lord the bath salts story is going to be the winner.

Exactly what I was thinking.  Sounds like the whole family needs a head injury.

Boy, did I have a fun night at work yesterday. Meth is one hell of a drug apparently.
 I work as a security guy in a rather large hotel/hostel (rather large for Germany, about 150 rooms, about 1/5th dorms).

The night starts out very unspectacular, only mildly interesting thing happening were loud sex noises on the second floor. No big deal, somebody might have brought a hooker in the hotel (not allowed, if 2 people use the room, 2 people pay, you really don't want your house to get THAT kind of reputation), but when I came back to check with a co-worker, everything was quiet. So maybe it was just somebody watching porn on his laptop or something, nobody left the rooms in question, nobody who was not a guest left the hotel, and since no one complained we decide not to search the rooms.
Back in the lobby there are only a few guests left, it's about 2 am most people are busy watching news feeds on the election. Suddenly a rather pretty young lady appears at the reception and asks us to call her a taxi, she gives us a room number for a room on the same floor we had the sex noises earlier,not the same room though. Taxi gets called, young lady leaves, one guy in the lobby starts listening to his own music on his laptop, I ask him to turn the volume way down or use headphones, he complies.
3:30 am
Pretty lady enters the lobby again, only staff, one guy watching a German news channel on the bar TV and Mr. Awefulltaseinmusic are around (lobby and bar are more or less the same area). Lady chats up Laptopguy, they decide to play a few rounds of billiard. He had quite a few beers during my shift, she seems to be a bit drunk, but not overly so, mildly intoxicated I'd say. He orders another beer, she orders a Vodka-Red bull. I run my hourly check of all floors, nothing special going on so I return to the lobby. Lady orders a second Vodka-Red bull, Laptopguy orders one as well (for some reason his switch to the same drink as her caught my attention). They sit down at his table, he cranks the music up a bit again, it's not too loud and who wants to stand in the way of a budding love affair so we don't mind.Yet.
I do another round, when I come back there are several rounds of long-drinks sitting on their table, only one of them half empty, the rest is full. Laptopguy is evidently trying to make out with the girl, she does not seem to be agreeing to this idea, stuff does not get violent or anything  but I decide to stick around just in case. He keeps talking to her and she gets more and more apathetic. He seems to be raging drunk by now (at least I thought he was). When it suddenly starts to look like she has passed out (all this takes place in maybe 3-5 minutes) I walk up to them and ask her if she needs an ambulance (as far as we could tell, she had only 2,5 long-drinks and we don't mix them that bad). Laptop guy jumps up, gets in my face, talking shit to me why I would think he would not be able to take care of his girlfriend. I calmly tell him that I am pretty sure she is not his girlfriend and that I'd like him to step away so I can check on her right now. Guy gets more agitated, moves even closer to me in a (presumably) threatening matter. Girls is obviously unconscious by now, falls out of the chair and is lying on the floor. I decide to call an ambulance, he is having none of that and tries to wrangle the phone out of my hand. This is the moment I decide that this guy is no longer a guest of us, I tell him so and I also tell him that he is going to leave the premises right now. He does not leave, I do not get paid to get physically involved so I call the police and an ambulance. They arrive surprisingly fast, police talks to the guy for a few seconds, he makes a wrong move and the next thing I see of him is him getting dragged out of the hotel by four policemen. Girls is still unconscious and they take her to the hospital. Because of the whole affair I get  2 hours of paid overtime, so thank you very much.

Oh, did I mention that he threatened to kill me a few times while we waited for the police ? Anyway, the hotel is going to press charges because apparently he wrecked his room as well, destroyed a few pieces of furniture when they took him down and I will do the same because of the death threats. Fun times.

On him they found a non-trivial amount of meth and some other stuff they could not identify on the spot. Apparently that fucker slipped something into her drink to have his way with her.

I should have waited on calling the police and given that fucker the beating of a lifetime.

Anyway, first time I had contact with meth apart from Breaking Bad. It IS one hell of a drug.  :uhrr:
 

Yikes!  What fun!  Lucky for him the police came.  Little did he know he was dealing with The Helmet who could have kicked his boney arse with words! 

(every time I see your name I think of superheroes!)

Jesus. I take it this sort of thing is unusual in your neck of the woods?

Thanks for watching out for her.  You are the dude, Helm.

Sounds like Kentucky.  Or East Texas. 

Or anywhere else there are douches.

 

GJ Helm, that is awesome to hear.

Yeah, in a "I wish I'd never heard of this" kind of way.  Ugh.  Fuck this planet, man.

Good job on stopping him, though.  I was a security guard for a few years and it's damn rare that I felt like I was doing anything worthwhile.

Pretty sure that kicking "arse" with words IS my superpower, I have made grown men cry before.  :grin:

Is this typically a dangerous job?

Working in any hotel is a dangerous job. For both your sanity and your person. People do horrible horrible things in hotels.

Like what?  Srsly, I want to know. 

1st, way to go Helm.  It's easy to be apathetic wave your hand and say "whatever" then move on.  Thank you for not being that person.  2nd, your instincts were correct.  One of the things the other bar bouncers taught me at an old job was to watch for guys who did a "rapid switch" from one type of drink to match the exact same drink their "date" had.  Of course, this is a well known and effective tactic for sleazy as well as the guys who wanted to drop roofies in girls' drink, but it was a marker we looked for. 

First thing that comes to mind is the fact that we had one guest a few months ago who was apparently dissatisfied with our service and made a point by taking a shit in one of the elevators  every single night for 5 days.  It's only funny the first 3 nights, believe me.   :uhrr:

Second thing would be the (Danish, I think) rugby team that stayed in 3 of our bigger (8 beds) dormitories. In one room they managed to "steal" a mattress (bloody thing just disappeared) and used the wooden bed frame as a urinal. Apparently for the whole 2 nights they stayed there (Housekeeping could not get into the rooms to clean them on the second day, I don't remember why), so they managed to fill it to the brim and still slept in the room for at least another night. In the summer. The aroma was ... palpable.  :ye_gods:

edit PALPABLE! Good lord.

This is frat house behavior.  I'm surprised that you haven't killed someone.

It's pretty hard to make me angry, you can't work in the hospitality business when your temper gets the best of you.

The shit above (no pun intended), I can laugh about. Insults, Yelling, general drunkenness, complaints, I don't take personal. On the other hand, most people are surprised when they realize that I actually CAN  (and will)  kick them out on the streets at 3 am in the morning on a cold winters night if they don't behave.  :awesome_for_real:

Oh, I got called a "Halbstarker" tonight, that's hard to translate, I's something you'd call some male teen in the mid of puberty with delusions of grandeur (It's not really a term of endearment). By a girl in their early twenties, 13 years younger that me. I was like  :ye_gods:  :why_so_serious:  :awesome_for_real:

Yep, that sounds like my experience. I worked as a bartender in a hotel bar for a period of time during a summer, and the shit those people at the front desk have to put up with puts any of the drunks I had to deal with to shame. People for some reason think renting a room for a night gives them carte blanche to act like rockstars on a bender, sans consequences. That's why we had a 6'8" 300+ guy named Jeff who solved our problems with rowdy people up to 2AM. The cops took care of the rest.

My favorite hotel bar ever is the Georgia Terrace in the ATL.  I literally saw a hooker, a dude who propositioned me and then my girlfriend at the time (but not for money) and a bunch of other surreal things happen in a span of two hours.  I make it a point to drink in every hotel bar nowadays.   :drillf:

I'm hoping you meant palpable!

Indeed. Good catch. Yuck.

My friend's dad owns a hotel and my friend used to work in the front, up until someone pulled a gun on him, made him give up the money and tied him up in the back.  That day he quit.  It's not uncommon from what I underrstand either.

I don't feel my job is dangerous, if I would, I would not do it. Pay is not good enough for that.  :grin:

You and I have varying degrees of dangerous. There is zero chance I'm going to get punched in the face at my current job.

So they don't let you talk to clients then?

Clients don't want to punch ME in the face. They want to punch the IRS in the face.

If you're not getting punched in the face in your job, you're just not doing it wrong enough.

At a UGA tailgater, however...

You have it lucky, it's getting pretty fucking serious in North America because it's so damn easy to make due to the high availability of ephedrine/pseudo-ephedrine and anhydrous ammonia.  The other latest craze in cooking is a one pot synthesis done inside a pop bottle, which since it's not actually a pressure vessel occasionally explodes and sprays lye and burning lithium metal everywhere. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kq7zj8Kd_Q)

Also, I will be so very disappointed if your coworkers don't start calling you the white knight or paladin.

The odds go up to about 50-50 at any away game.

Highlights of this night in chronological order.

22:05 Guests check in, visible strong alcohol in their luggage (2 persons, 1 bottle of Jack Daniels, 1 bottle of semi-cheap vodka, softdrinks), Guests are informed that , while drinking in the room is  tolerated, it is not encouraged and that too much noise during the night time can and will get you evicted, as does smoking in the rooms. Nods and understanding all around.

A few hours pass, we do 2 rounds through the house per hour, nothing important comes up, this should be a quite night, right ?
Wrong.
02:30
Above mentioned guests are way to loud, loud music, loud talking, yelling and laughing. When they are informed about this, they seem to be pretty drunk (which was to be expected) but they apologize and promise to go to sleep soon.
03:00
They are still too loud,  final warning is issued.
03:30
After about an hour of peace, the party seems to have restarted, shift leader tells me go throw these clowns out of the hotel. Since by now those guys are so drunk they have seem to have lost the grasp on their first and second languages, it takes me about 30 minutes to convince the last guy who is semi-understandable that yes, they are too loud, yes, they have to leave the hotel right now, YES, I have the authority to evict them, AND WHO THE FUCK IS THAT THIRD GUY IN YOUR ROOM (it was a twin room). They get 30 minutes to pack their stuff and leave.
2 guys are by now so drunk they don't react at all, 3rd guy comes down to the reception and tries to talk to the shift leader, who by now is pretty angry himself, to no avail.
04:30
Police arrives. I show them to the room. In about 15 minutes 6 more policemen (and 2 very attractive policewomen) arrive at the scene, they are not taken seriously, they don't have any sense of humour, 1 guy gets arrested for resisting,  the other 2 guys leave the premises after a long discussion. Police tells me that those guys told them they got a car in our garage. So I take off to see if I can find that car and to reset the lock on their ex-room so they can't access it (since we forgot to take their keys away before the police sent them away). In the room I notice the sudden absence of 1 of the mattresses.  When I come back to ground level I find said mattress in front of the main entrance.
Apparently one of the guys managed to get back into the hotel unseen before I made it to the room to reset the lock. I probably missed the guy by only a minute or so. So now I have to check the whole hotel to see if this guy is still on the premises or not. 9 floors, 180 rooms, 3 staircases and lots off nooks and crannies were a drunken person could try to find some sleep.
Of course I don't find anybody. Which makes this guy a very lucky person. Because I am very, very angry.

My quantum of solace ?
They have to come back to get their car. The guy who got arrested will face a 200 euro fine for smoking in the room (we can't sell the room for a few days because it has to be cleaned thoroughly, several asmathic and allergic people book us because of our strict no-smoking policy.
And we will inform him that the hotel will press charges for disturbance of the peace, trespassing, malicious injury of property and whatever else my manager can think of. He paid for 3 nights, he won't get his money back. ( ca. 200 Euros)
Best part about this is that there are several huge trade fairs in town this week so he won't be able to get another bed in any hotel here for under 400 Euro per night/person, if at all.

I walked home with a smile on my face.  :grin:

Is Jack Daniels popular over there?

About as popular as Jim and Johnny, they are more or less standard bourbon (they are bourbons, right ?), not the cheapest stuff on the market but not very pricey either. I am not a  big fan of spirits, I only drink them in long-drinks, have yet to find one that I can stand the taste off.

Jim and Jack are American corn whiskeys (bourbons). Johnny is scotch.

One lives and learns.

Just to be pedantic, Jack is technically a bourbon under trade law but identifies itself as a "tennessee whiskey" because it goes through a  charcoal filter unlike other bourbons.

You guys take your schnaps seriously.  :ye_gods:

Oh no you didn't!

Thats mainly the stuff you use to pour into Coke to make it an alcoholic beverage over here. Nobody I know drinks that vile stuff undiluted unless he is tanked enough to knock out his tastebuds, you have quality Irish whiskey for that.  I don't drink Alcohol, but words like "Single Malt" are thrown around on those occasions. :awesome_for_real:

Something about this seemed off and now I know why.

Schnapps are distilled from fruits or have fruit/ sweet essences added to a 'neutral' grain spirit.   Whiskeys (of which Bourbon is one) while distilled from grains don't have anything added when stored. They can be single grain or multiple grain from corn, wheat, barley, rye, and malted rye.  Bourbon is only made in the US of at least 51% corn mash and then aged for at least 2 years in charred oak casks after distilling before being sold.

The more you know.

Thats the language barrier though. In German everything over 32% Alcohol can be called Schnaps.

Quod Erat Demonstrandum. We don't take our Schnaps as serious as you.  :awesome_for_real:

We have an obsession with alcohol since it's almost as taboo as sex.

Germans take beer serious, 'mercuns take our rye serious. And to the US's credit, we've started to make non-horrible beers for the last two decades.

Heh, exactly what I wanted to say.

I was at a national sales meeting a few weeks ago and 2 salesmen brought up a girl from the hotel bar to one of their rooms.  She called to get her girlfriend to join, then a big black guy with a gun showed up and demanded money and shot one of them twice (non life threatening he walked out of the hospital the next day).

I drink Jack Daniels straight.  The honey jack is actually quite good for that price level.

Our fellow men are idiots. News at eleven.

This is where I link the Mandatory.com blog I saw on Lum's page today.  I love it when things coincide.

http://www.mandatory.com/2012/11/13/ok-cupid-an-exploration-into-just-how-low-some-guys-will-go/

ooo, derail alert!

I tried the Honey Jack and the Wild Turkey American Honey side by side and could not tell the difference to save my life.  Which is odd since I despise plain Wild Turkey to the point I would almost rather drink kerosene. I found I could barely even tolerate it in coke!  But both of the honeys are absolutely incredible for soothing the throat or a cough, so I keep a stock of the Wild Turkey minis since I can get them for $1 each instead of stocking cold medicine/cough syrup.  Hmm, now that I think about it the fact that I taste tested them while suffering from the mother of all colds just *might* have impacted the results.

Depending on mood and how long I want it to last I sip my whisky/bourbon/scotch straight, or on the rocks, or in water.  For straight sippin, the best I've found in the world are Balvenie DoubleWood Scotch and Baker's Bourbon (I think that one's like 115 proof  :ye_gods:  :grin:  :awesome_for_real:).  But at $50-60 / 750ml bottle those just don't fit very well in my current budget nor in my desire to avoid getting totally trashed *sadface*.  So I mostly settle for midrange stuff I can dilute with water without feeling like I'm committing sacrilege, like Maker's Mark, the unheard of but excellent Weller's bourbons, or Bushmill's or Jameson's Irish whiskeys when I can find them on sale.

Of the honey bourbons, I prefer the Wild Turkey to the Jack or the Evan Williams, haven't tried any of the other brands.  I'm hardly a serious drinker, though; I just occasionally sip on drinks, and go for the flavorful stuff rather than use vodka to turn something into 90% rocket fuel.  Alcoholism runs in my family, so I avoid imbibing more than a glass in a night.

Wow. Thanks for that.  :awesome_for_real:

That guy got trolled HARD.  :awesome_for_real:

I despise Wild Turkey, so I never tried their variant.  Best Irish Whiskey for sipping, imo, is  Powers Gold Label.

Well the problem with that experiment is that most guys will just PM away for random shits and giggles, and most of the time if the chick is cute, who gives a fuck.  I mean when I was on OKCupid, and a girl was responding like that, I would just keep the conversation going and screenshot it for the lulz.

Ok, sort of off topic but I didnt figure this was worth a new thread, but it is in "you cant make this shit up" territory

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/01/30/texas-crude-oil-tanks-explode-after-smokers-light-up/


Hiur hur, no-ne could be that stupid again, right? Wrong. 2 days later.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/01/31/3-injured-in-san-diego-explosion-after-suspects-light-cigarette-near-hash-oil/


Cigarettes and oil/gas don't mix, m'kay?

The amount of times I've seen people at fuel pumps with a cigarette dangling off their lip would amaze you.  I don't see it as often now that I fuel up at 6:30am but during college I saw someone at least once a month.

A cigarette isn't hot enough to ignite fuel vapors, however the lighter flame to light the cigarette will do so easily.

(http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/202402_4503664782540_350678033_o.jpg)
That is how I ended Christmas Eve. Wow I am slacking on all the stuff that has happened.

I was working 24 December, when the Indiana Poison Control called, telling me that a lady would probably bring in a live or dead bat for me. They had contacted the State Board of Health Doctor, and she said that she wants to do an exam on the live or dead bat. Problem is, it is Christmas, so no one is open that handles this crap. So animal control is closed in our county and won't open for 3 days, health department is closed in Terre Haute (where I'm at) and in Indianapolis (where the doc is who wants the bat), so it is us and the police department. Police were like sure we will kill it, but we are not keeping it in the evidence locker. So I called the coroner, told him what was going on, and he said (thank God), "sure, put the bat in one of the coolers, it will die, but that won't matter for the rabies exam." So the little bitty bat is in this big ass cooler, which the person didn't want back. So we didn't mess with it, named it "Eve" for Christmas Eve, and put it in the morgue. What had happened was the lady had woken up and seen a bat in the corner of her room. She was visiting, did not see any bite marks on her, and her and her friends wacked the bat with a broom and put it in the tub above. They said it was pretty stunned when they dumped it in a box, then the box in the tub, then taped (yeah I know, over kill). Anyway, they called poison control, poison control called health department, and the Health Doc told them what to do.  So off to my hospital they go :) We did get the bat up to Indy via a health department runner when it opened back up and I must say, the Public Health Doctor was very pleasant and helpful. The patient was very understanding too, she declined to have an exam, but did take instructions on what to do and who to follow up with if things did progress and how to check with the state health department on the status of the rabies exam.

I joke a lot that "I wear a bunch of different hats and I am a herder of cats." This time I was a bat wrangler.

Poor bat.  :sad:

I knew that people would feel bad for the bat when he posted it.

Bats are evil.

PS - I'm terrified of bats.

I love the creepy crawlies (and fliers) of the world.  Except roaches.  They can all die in a conflagration.

Yeah the woman was probably overreacting, but I can't really blame her for being cautious since rabies isn't something to mess around with.  I still feel bad for the bat though.

Bats are awesome, not evil. Mind you, we don't have rabies here in the UK.

Lucky you, we have it in wild animals, bats being one of the prime vectors for it. It is still very rare, here is a chart showing how many we have found. http://www.in.gov/isdh/20518.htm Even though they found a rabid dog in 1989, the last dog bite that gave a human rabies was 1946.

I always chuckle when I have a person come in and tell me they were bitten by a "cotton mouth" and need rabies shots. I usually describe our brown water snake and how fucking mean they are ( http://www.in.gov/dnr/files/snakes.pdf ), we have almost no water moccasin's in Indiana. Plus reptiles can't get rabies, need a warm blooded animal.  Oh, watch dirty jobs where Mike Rowe has to help catch and exam them ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVSXH1aDP8A )

It sucks the bat died, over kill, but hey you could be the lucky one that gets rabies from a bat w/out a bite! There was like 5 cases of a someone getting rabies from the bat w/out the bat biting them, something like the bat french kisses you while you sleep. http://www.dhhs.nh.gov/dphs/cdcs/rabies/documents/bats.pdf

Well, water moccasins are common in Florida and if I were bitten by one I'd be a bit more worried about the venom, even though it's rarely actually fatal, than rabies.

And yes, even though they're flying rats I still feel a bit bad for that bat.

As kids we used to 'play' with the bats around our house.  We'd throw frisbees up in the air at twilight and they'd swoop around them.  Awesome animals. 

My neighbor's attic is filled with a couple thousand bats thanks to their house being the only one on the block with improper sealing of their attic vent covers. When I first moved here I'd sit on the porch just after sundown and watch them as they spent the next hour flying out to go about their business.

I honestly do not understand how they can live with the noise, and I imagine the smell of guano is horrendous.

Meth lab smell probably hides it well.

In a lot of places, bat habitats are extremely protected. If bats take up residence then many places don't let you demolish, rebuild or otherwise disturb the habitat.

We'd throw up tennis balls.  They'd fly up and down with them.

Hehe when we were young and stupid me and my brother used to throw choke cherries up to the bats they seemed to really like them but it was kinda funny watching a bat chewing on one as those things are so tart lots of lip licking and head shaking but the lil guys would finish them off.

In my teenage years, we used to dry cast fly rods in the evening when we saw bats.  A bat can take a lot of line before it splashes down.  Yes, most of them drowned before we got them to sure.  Kids are cruel yadda yadda.

It actually is, but the ash acts as an insulator to external flammables while inside the ash where the heat is there is also little oxygen due to sustained combustion.

So, yesterday I met a person (at work) who managed to annoy me enough that I almost punched him in the face.

Good story.

I had 2 beers when I posted this, but I am pretty sure my original post was a bit longer than that. Looks like I accidentally the most of it. Lets see if I muster enough outrage to retype it.

Looks like the beer's still working.  :grin:

(http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/482542_4887445336814_347331199_n.jpg)
Ya Bath Salt Story Time!

1st: Had a guy come in middle 40's, not acting right, two of the nurses went to get him off the drive, they came in wheeling him in, worried he looked like a big heart attack in progress. I took a look and something just wasn't right about him. He was moaning really loud, sweating up a storm, had a "crazy look" in his eyes and about him. It was the middle of winter and he had no shirt on, just a pair of shorts. We kept trying to talk to him, he would grab his chest, was all over the bed--couldn't sit still, was withering all over the place, sweat is pouring off him. We finally get him still long enough for an EKG, it is sinus tach about 140's (not good, but not a heart attack), get an IV started. There are 3 RN's, 1 Police/security, 1 ER Doc, so we are trying to keep him in the bed and get somethings on him going. The doc and the other 2 girls (RN's) go to get some meds, I've come in with more supplies, and the pt jumps up out of bed, stands at the sink, howls, then growls, grabs a paper towel and eats it. I'm like what the fuck, this isn't cardiac at all. Security and I manage to get him back in the bed, one of the other RN's was talking to the wife and she says, "he has been doing K-2 and bath salts like everyday and using a lot of them, he did like 6 packets of bath salts before he came in here." We all are like, no shit, he is off his rocker now. Then the guy like foams at the mouth, his eyes roll into the back of his head, and starts having full blown tonic-clonic seizures. Off course he pulled out the 1st IV, so now it is wrestle time, as all 4 of us RN's, the security guard, a tech from upstairs, and the ER Doc, are trying to get restraints on him, get an IV, and get some meds into him to stop his seizure and calm him down. In that process he was like a sweaty hulk, throwing the staff around every now and then, thank goodness none of us got hurt and the pt stayed on the cot. The bad thing, even after getting an IV, we started hitting him with our meds and he was not stopiping for anything. We had our sedation drip running wide open, we had given the first 3 line of anti seizure meds, had him intubated, restrained, and pumping anti-convulsants into this guy like crazy. Finally after like an hour and half of hitting him with enough drugs to sedate an elephant did he calm down. Of course we didn't have a Neurologist so we had to send him to Indianapolis. So if you ever want to hulk out, go into seizures that won't stop, and dang near have your heart beat so fast it explodes, get a hold of some bath salts :)

2nd: We got a call out that the half-way house for drug addicts and alcoholics was sending us a resident who had a seizure and passed out. He comes in, EMS says he is pretty out of it and won't respond, we get him moved over and me and Megan were trying to get him to talk to us. He looks at me with those crazy eyes and growls. Okay...not a good sign, Megan goes, "you ready for another rodeo?" and grins. All the pt does is growl at me and her. I step out to get something, and get yelled for another issue for the charge nurse, so I tell Megan to get some more help and I'll be back. I go over and start talking to a pt and pt's family when we start hearing howling and growling and stuff being thrown, and another RN is running around shutting all the doors. The family I was talking to suddenly realizes maybe their complaint isn't that big a deal, and I thank them and tell them I'll be back. I come out and see 4 police on the patient, 2 RN's, and 2 tech's, all trying to keep him in bed, he is growling still, sweating up a storm, and pretty much out of control. So we get him restrained, then get him sedated, but once again it took a ton of drugs to get him calmed down. We never found out for sure what had happened, we do know that the day before he had gone on a pass out of the facility and came back. The bath salts don't show up in our drug screen we have, but how he acted and how he had a seizure, and had tachycardia w/HTN, and an altered mental status, sure make you think he did that. We kept him at our facility and he went to ICU where they kept him pretty sedated till the next day. The police that helped us were great, they were in for some people getting DUI testing and came to help. One officer got urinated on, another made the comment, "no wonder they shot the guy in Florida who was eating that guy."

I'll have to write some more later, have 2 more bath salts to go.

You know, why the fuck does anyone do these things?  I've never seen or read ANYthing positive about the experience.

Some people legitimately don't deserve help - medicallly or otherwise.

pt = patient?

Crazy shit dude

And yeah, usually in the notes I have to read pt = patient and ct = client

Yup bathsalts are up there with PCP for making insane rage monsters for people abusing them. The really nasty thing is it tends to overheat them so most will be wearing little/no clothing and sweating up a storm and having super rage strength and feeling 0 pain makes them really hard to gain control over to subdue so you can even start to try and help them.

Yes.

This is what people do when they hate their life.  They escape it in any way possible.  Some use coke, some meth, some LSD... this guy was bath salts.

I expect to see this more and more as the wealth gap widens.  People see themselves trapped in a shitty life with no way out and start resorting to some serious escapism. 

Sheet.

I've said it before, but you really need to write a book about all this Jimbo.

Hippie. If people aren't resourceful or cunning enough to drag themselves up to the level of HUMAN then we need to cull them from the herd somehow.  Social Darwinisim is best Darwinisim!   :why_so_serious:

Sorry I get to typing and forget that I'm using lingo from my work.

Pt=patient
perp=perpetrator (usually someone under arrest for something that they bring in for clearance)
y.o.=year old (age of pt)

I think those are my main one's I use and forget to spell out. We are getting away from abbreviations, but I may right "sinus tach" instead of sinus tachycardia, or some others, but then it can be misleading if people can't understand it.

And we had another bath salts rodeo last night. I'm so glad the two RN's didn't get hurt, but they way this crazy lady tried to hurt them was nutty. I'm in the middle of 7 nights, tonight is night "5", so I'm gonna try and eat and grab some stuff for work, and maybe I can write some stuff this weekend.

bath salts? Is that a euphemism for something? or honest to god "hey, this shit looks good" bath salts from, you know, wherever people buy bath salts. The bath salts store.

It's a legal dodge, 'legal highs' that are not technically banned substances sold as 'potpourri' or 'bath salts'.  If you see either for sale at a convenience store in a sketchy part of town, odds are that's what you're looking at.

--Dave

Oddly enough if you put that shit in bath water you get a nice relaxing aromatherapy experience. :grin:

The other factor is that as the enforcement catches up to one chemical, they create another variant.  Since testing and quality control tend to be a little shorted, each new variety can turn out to create...novel reactions, in people who had used the previous versions without unintended effects.

We have some organic chemists on the board, they can probably explain it better than I can.

--Dave

Yeah, they called them "head shops" in Ireland, basically anything that was not SPECIFICALLY banned in legislation they thought they could sell. And when they did ban something they just altered the mixture and slapped a new name on it. They shut them all down last year. Seems the idea has migrated over to the states. FREEDOM!

Dammit, Jim!  I'm a chemist, not a doctor!

Unsurprisingly, substances not intended for internal use cause strange reactions when eaten, inhaled, or injected.

Just for clarification are we talking about "bath salts" the slang term for stuff containing methylenedioxypyrovalerone or the traditional bath salts containing magnesium sulfate? I assume the former as that's what is commonly abused.

It makes you happy, horny and it smells like fish.  Seems silly to put it in your bath.  Also, I can't believe Nebu typed out that whole word!  How hot is that?

I thought bath salts contained any number of compounds, including PCP, LSD, methampetamine, ecstacy, etc.

Wikipedia says the former. Glad this shit wasn't common when my uncles and cousins were in their drug abuse heydays.

This story needs to be told and I guess this thread is as good as any.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/loaded-gun-in-vagina-687341

Look into these sweet brown eyes before reading this story...

(http://i.cdn.turner.com/dr/teg/tsg/release/sites/default/files/assets/christiedawnharris.jpg)


Spoilered due to sise


Happiness is a loaded gun...

:awesome_for_real:

That's German for Kathy "Subconscious"  :awesome_for_real:

On a similar vein (http://www.kgw.com/news/national/198448691.html)

I can't figure out what's worse...that he tried it in the first place, or that he went through with it and did not succeed.

Or that he got married in the first place, and as such apparently had a chance to perpetuate his idiot genes.

'Murica

The only thing that can stop a bad guy shooting his ring finger off is a good divorce lawyer with a gun.

Or something.

I'm going with the fact that he went for a gun rather than a set of side cutters.

Starting 7 nights in a row, and at our Charge RN meeting for ER, we found out one of our Regional Bosses is going to come visit. He likes to do something stupid which is pose as a fake pt and check in, see how we treat him, then sign out AMA.

I fucking hate shit like that!

Anyway, may take a job at another hospital after all this crap our higher ups keep giving us.

I always did too.  People that are douchebags generally deserve to get treated like a douchebag.  

A lot of this rigmarole that we have to go through is only going to get worse, particularly in Texas.

What's an AMA? Is that some sort of health authority certification?

Against Medical Advice.

"We told you not to leave, so when something goes sideways, good luck suing us."

Yeah, it's a CYA certificate that they usually have the patient sign prior to leaving. 

My dad was an ER doc for like 25 years (now does computer stuff) so I love reading these stories.  He did his residency at Detroit Receiving, so he saw some shit.  My personal favorite is the gang that initiated recruits by stabbing them in the left armpit.  If they lived they were in...

I have the pleasure of having a good friend who is an XRay tech, who likes to share stories. This weekend he showed up with "20 Questions on what the man in ER had stuck in his Penis!"

answer:

A gazillion years ago I worked for a short time in a hospital in Santa Fe and I can almost very nearly understand the butt.  People were always getting things stuck in their butt.  Once a man came in with a whole  light bulb stuck in his butt. The ER doc was scared it would break and he's have to spend all day picking bits of glass out of this blokes butt hole.   But the penis?  Why would anyone stick anything in their penis?  Does it feel nice?

Wow.  I say butt a lot.

The first part of that is weird enough... but past the bend?  How?  HOW!?

My younger sister is a prison psychologist. She doesn't talk about it much, but she does have some good ones occasionally. The most recent was in regards to the change to some sort of paper spork. Her comment on it was, "I don't care where you stick that. It'll dissolve." One of the inmates who apparently can't wear clothes because he's a suicide risk expressed his displeasure with the paper sporks by mooning the staff and then farting out a paper spork. He then turned around and said, "That's what I think of that!"

Most of my stories are pretty mundane.  Except for the time the lady from Mexico pulled this big jar out of her handbag filled with formaldehyde containing her uterus.  They had been nice enough to take it out for her even though it was an inoperable cancer.   :oh_i_see:

We started to debate that question, and then very quickly decided to talk about something else. Anything else.

You obviously have to do it when flaccid.

We also weren't told the diameter of the key.  It could have been a 1/16 instead of the 1/8 or 3/16 we're used to seeing.

IT. DOESN'T. MATTER.  :ye_gods: :ye_gods:

I can honestly say that's never occurred to me to jam something in there.

Never occured to me either until I read Guts (NSFW text) (http://chuckpalahniuk.net/features/shorts/guts).

But now that you have, it's tempting, right...? :oh_i_see:

I have heard, but thankfully not experienced, that when they take a swab there for testing for stuff that it hurts for a long time afterward. So... the allen key thing seems like it should take that to a new level of awfulness.

This is NSFA.  "Not Safe For Anyone."

Christ.

Good fiction. Anything involved buttplay is obviously a winner.  :why_so_serious:

Its amazing how well my "must click that" impulse has receded because of this forum.  :oh_i_see:

I deeply regret clicking that. It was a mistake.

Ain't nobody got time for that!  :ye_gods:

1. I had to google that. Now I wish I had not done that. Also, I fucking hate you now.
2. While we are on a semi-related topic do not ever click on a link titled "maggot girl".

Well we don't know what diameter allen key (we call them wrenches around here)

It could have been a 1/32 or 1/16th.. doesn't have to be the 1/4 or 3/8 most of us are familiar with from furniture.

It still has a 90 degree bend in it...

I always dread when he shows up with a story to tell from work.

My first question would have been if he started with the long end or the short end.

So, which was it?

Chinese Students Riot - 'It's not fair if you don't let us cheat.' (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/china/10132391/Riot-after-Chinese-teachers-try-to-stop-pupils-cheating.html)

(http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02595/riot_2595770b.jpg)

Wait what ?

It makes sense in a communist way, which is to say it doesn't make real sense.

I think there may be more to this story than meets the eye. Its quite possible that these 'exams' are so prohibitively impossible to pass 'normally' that cheating has become an accepted and endemic way of working within the system. Perhaps the same phenomenon of baffled looks I experience when I try to explain to my Chinese grad students that they don't have to pirate software for school, that the university has a license and they don't have to torrent MS Office.

To unpack what's happening there, you have to review literally thousands of years of history.  Almost as long as there's been a China, there have been exams to get into government service that were so grueling and demanding you essentially had to study your entire life to pass them.  So of course, there has been cheating, because literally your entire life is on the line in those exams and the consequences for getting caught cheating are effectively the same as failing.

Once cheating is common enough, cheating enough to beat other cheaters is the new bar.  This city was full of people who were really good at cheating and at getting the examiners to look the other way while they cheated.  And before you think this is just some wacky Asian thing, look at the shenanigans surrounding SAT/LSAT/MCAT testing here, and imagine what that would be like after a few hundred years.

--Dave

I was sure that "invigilator" was a made-up nonsense word. Turns out it's just British.

English is mostly made-up nonsense words.

Had a wonderful time working the "super full moon", only got attacked by one patient.

I work part time at a small critical access hospital, were only 25 pt's can be admitted and the ER is only 9 beds, 2 (sometimes 3) RN's and one doctor. Some days it is busting ass busy and some days it is slow where you can actually read and catch up on continuing education (or dick around on facebook).

At 3 am, we get a call from the floor, one of the elderly pt's who has alzheimer's and dementia and she is paranoid big time, well she got up to the bathroom, shoved her daughter out, locked the bathroom door, and started beating the door with a gait belt (belt that you put around the pt to help them walk and keep them from falling, pretty thick web belt with big metal buckle).

She is screaming that we are coming to kill her, that we broke into her house and are going to kill her. And she is pissed off sounding and beating on the bathroom door and won't open it. Plus, we find out that the key to the bathroom door is no where to be found. At night there is no maintenance workers, so there was no way to call and get them to open the locked bathroom. Luckly, my pocket knife/multi-tool, could open the door. After about 1 hour of her beating on the door and screaming, her doctor said to open it and restrain her and give her meds. The pt's doctor is about my age, so I picked the lock, opened the door, and she tried to shut it, but we pulled it open hard. Then she backed up, squared up, and had the gait belt in a menacing 2 handed grip, and was going "MEERRRRRRRAAAAAAGH!" I took a bed sheet, gave one end to the doc, and I had the other, explained to the doc that we would step in and hold the sheet up so it would catch the belt when she swung, grab the belt, then I'll grab the arm nearest to me, and you grab the arm nearest to you, we close in and keep her restrained. He said, "Got it."

We stepped in, she swung and the sheet caught the belt, I tangled the belt into the sheet and pulled it away, at the same time I grabbed her right upper arm, then her right wrist with my other arm. The doc did the same thing. It worked, now we just had to walk her back to her bed. Then we placed her in bed, she still tried to bite and kick. But the medicine was ready and we gave her some ativan and haldol, which is used to stop crazy or out of control people.

The thing is, the 2 RN's working the floor were smaller than me and would have had a helluva time taking her down if I and her family doctor weren't available.

Yeesh. You think she was on something or just dementia?

Sounds like dementia if she was older.  Some people when they get badly confused in the later stages of dementia\Alzheimer's can get really violent if they are still physically capable of moving around much.

Younger people doing things like that tend to be mostly on some drug or have a severe mental problem.

My dad, who was always somewhat violent and clinically nuts, got more and more agitated and violent as he grew older until it became very difficult to even have him with us during holidays.  Luckily, his demeanour and body language would give him away when he was getting out of control.  He would also exhibit really bizarre behaviour even when he was calm, such as sleeping with both legs in one pajama leg and stuffing his nose and ears with paper.  Not long after my mother died, when he was around 60 or so, he became very reclusive something with which many of my family on that side suffer.  When he fell ill and we had to move him out of his flat, we found about 300 different sorts of knives, from tiny pocket knives to great big sword thingamabobbies.  No idea wtf he was thinking.  It was very sad.

Could he have taken up knife collecting? I'm not trying to minimize or invalidate your experiences, but lots of people collect a particular type of weapon as an object instead of a tool. Even with mental illness 300 seems like an excessive number to own with the intend of using them for violence.

Sounds like some serious OCD and/or schizophrenia.  I never put anything past schizophrenics.  The poor guys just have no touch with reality. 

Yes, he collected them but he used to carry them around, too.  He kept giving people knives for birthdays or holidays or just whatever.  It was very disconcerting.  I'm sure he didn't buy them intending to use them for some kind of planned violence.  Having said that, it doesn't mean he wouldn't have hurt someone or even himself when he was feeling paranoid.  Some people are just so unpredictable.  I was pretty much terrified of him when I was very young.  I've know other people who were super unpredictable although not violent.  It's freaky. 

(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/829607/CK2/KFC/01/BRhue.png)

whoa

Holy fuckin wow if real.

http://br.esporteinterativo.yahoo.com/noticias/soccer--ap%C3%B3s-matar-jogador--%C3%A1rbitro-%C3%A9-esquartejado-durante-partida-de-futebol-no-maranh%C3%A3o-153211118.html

CNN story on the same incident

At least I hope its the same incident.

http://edition.cnn.com/2013/07/07/world/americas/brazil-soccer-dismemberment/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

At the bottom of this article is allegedly a link to video of the aftermath: http://deadspin.com/referee-kills-player-then-gets-beheaded-at-brazilian-so-685459212

I say allegedly because there's no way in hell I'm clicking on it.

It is a video of the referee at what looks to be the coroners office.  He was definitely decapitated, and dismembered.

Well that escalated quickly...

I think he'd rather have the divorce.. (http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/watch_smiling_divorcing_tries_would_7vaRg5SYKDlH5bnr4eJRsI)

I couldn't watch the whole thing.  Wife casually hires hitman to kill husband.  Smiles and laughs a lot..  :ye_gods: :ye_gods: :ye_gods: :ye_gods: 

"Don't kill him inside, that might be messy"

That's pretty sick.

Wow, she's fucking twisted and all kinds of into herself.

Then again, 20-years-old and married "for a while." (As she'd been thinking about doing this for some time) to a guy 7 years older who also doesn't want her to go to prison. Ugh.

That is hilarious in that it's, like, "sheltered middle-class white girl" taken to its most absurd extreme. Hope the dude figures out pretty quick the judge is doing him a favor.

If the dude doesn't want to press charges against a woman who actively tried to have him killed, he's probably not long for this earth anyway.

It's a pretty traumatic way to have your marriage fall apart. Poor guy's probably just in denial.

They couldn't have been married longer than a couple of years, she's only 20. I mean there's a ton you can forgive in a marriage, but there's a video of her PUTTING OUT A HIT ON THE DUDE. I can't even wrap my head around denial over that.

(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/829607/daily/04/03.png)

A MAN has died after a cow crashed through his roof and landed on him as he lay sleeping.

According to media reports Joao Maria de Souza, 45, was in bed with his wife, Leni, when the bovine crashed two and a half metres through the ceiling of their home in Caratinga, in south eastern Brazil.
The roof backs on to a steep hill and it is believed the cow climbed up there after escaping from a nearby farm, the Daily Mail reported.
The victim’s mother, Maria de Souza, reportedly told Brazil's SuperCanal TV channel: “I didn't bring my son up to be killed by a falling cow.”
Mr de Souza was taken to hospital with a suspected fractured leg and was reported to be talking and fully conscious. However, he died some hours later from internal bleeding after doctors failed to treat him, his family said.

Both the one-and-a-half tonne cow and Mr de Souza's wife were reportedly unharmed.

Mr de Souza’s mother told the TV station: “He nearly died when he was two and got meningitis, but I worked hard to buy medicines for him and he survived.
“And now he's lying in his bed and gets crushed to death by a cow. There's no justice in the world.”


Read more: http://www.news.com.au/world-news/brazilian-man-killed-in-bed-after-cow-falls-through-his-roof/story-fndir2ev-1226679058525#ixzz2Yyge0DI8

And that was the beginning of the cow rebellion.

Lt. Colonel Kilgore, two years into the War C: 'I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Smells like beef!'

I'll get my coat.

I could make this shit up.

Been busy, here is some things that have happened:

Have had 2 self inflicted stab wounds to the neck lately. The first one was from a guy who is paranoid schizophrenic and thought a motor cycle gang was after him. So he took a box cutter and hid in his friends trailer and cut his own throat! He took the box cutter and made a bunch of slashes across his throat. He slashed so many he made a hole in his throat almost right where a surgeon would have done it for a tracheostomy. The medics got him under control, got him an iv and some pain meds and bandaged it and beat feet to our ER. We then set up for a RSI, where the ER Doc tried and it came out the whole he had cut in his throat. So the next time he went deeper, but it didn't feel or act right. So we grabbed a big trache tube and slid it in and it worked great. We then examined his neck and found that he had missed the arteries, so we were able to bandage up his neck, and to secure them we put a c-collar on which held the bandages and left a passage for the trache tube. Then off to Indy he went via helicopter to the trauma center. Later we heard he did great and was on the psych floor getting treatment. BTW, we rocked the trauma room, I think there was blood on the ceiling once we were done.

The next guy happened a week later, most of us were on again that worked the blood mess. The next one they call and say that another guy cut his throat and is all bloody at check in. We rush him on back, I'm holding pressure, the doc is in, the other team members are in, and we pull it back and it was like a 3cm cut. Missed everything, so we all looked at each other, then started sewing it up. The guy first tried to say his girl friend did it. Then changed to 2 black guys jumped me at the gas station, then finally he said he did it because they were fighting. Then the dumb ass tried to sign out and leave after we had him sewn up. So we got an emergency detention and sent him to the stress unit (they were loving us).

Got some more, but working tonight, so I've been jotting down notes and need to expand some of the things that happen.

Oh oh oh.... I got one I think, I had forgotten about this thread.

So I still work at this hotel/hostel, but at the moment I work in the smaller of the two houses we run in Cologne. Fun part about this is that I can work alone, the whole night. Never new how many crazy people wander the streets of my home town at night. Recent high watermark was set by a certain lady whose name escapes me at the moment. I distinctly remember that she gave almost ran out of space on the registration form because of the amount of names she had. Not sure if I am phrasing this correctly but her first names were something along the lines of Anneliese Lieselotte Elfriede Margarethe (and several more) followed by a von Müller-Thurgau zu Auenstein (pretty sure about Müller-Thurgau since it is also a brand of wine in Germany).
Before my shift started the lady had already arrived and had just checked in. Apparently she had arrived in a large limousine. My coworker from the day shift informs me that, while he was checking her in, he had gotten a call from a different hotel warning us not to check her in, because she had left her room there without paying and quite severely damaged. Upon me requesting to know WHY THE FUCK DID HE THEN CHECK HER IN ?!?eleven1! he replied that she was "already filling out the forms" when the call came. I had to fight my impulse to just smack him up the head, very hard. But now she is in the room, it is already approaching midnight so I decide to let her just stay in the room because an eviction almost always results in me calling the cops since the former guests just don't believe that I am allowed to kick them out if they misbehave. I would have to remove them by force, a job for which the police is much better paid and that disturbs the other guests. Very well, maybe it was a misunderstanding. The night is pretty quiet until 5 am. The lady in question is standing in front of me, waving back forth, left and right like reed in the wind and demands a different room since this one has cat hairs in it and she is allergic.  Can't breath. The smell of cheap booze, beer and no showering for a few days is breathtaking. I inform her that there a A) no more rooms avaible and B) there are no cat hairs in her room because guests are not allowed to bring other pets than dogs.  She does not take it well. Starts arguing with me, demands at least disinfectants for her to clean the room herself. Fat chance, she would have probably drunk it. I am also pretty that would not help against allergies. She wanders off, back to her room. about 10 minutes later an ambulance stops before the hotel, the paramedics rush in and inform me that someone had called for help, a women, she were on the verge of suffocation. I give them the room number, but the almost dead lady just comes down the elevator at this very second. And insists that she is taken to the hospital. This pattern repeats itself for a few days. She has a complaint, gets nowhere with it and gets an asthma attack, gets driven off in an ambulance, comes back a few hours later, repeat a few hours after that. During that time I had a few days off, no idea why nobody just kicked her out, but apparently my coworkers are afraid of the guests and to intimidated kick someone out. So I have to do it when I notice that she has only payed the first night of her 4 night stay (in German Hostels you usually have to pay upon check in). When I confront her about it, asthma again (surprise). I call the ambulance AND the police, police arrives earlier, checks her ID, finds out there is a warrant on her for outstanding hotel fees in 5 or  6 cities in Germany. She is driven off by the ambulance, police take her into custody at the hospital, that was 4 weeks ago. We still have her stuff locked away in our storage.

It's a fun job.

She sounds very much like The Countess Von Nutter-Butter.

Was this her?

(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1739972/web-images/cheryl_tunt_demote.jpg)

Same crazy eyes, don't know about the STDs, probably less. She was a classy lady, just psychotic and alcoholic.

So. Some stupid cunt gets into a drunk fight with her romeo and decides to jump out of the window. 2nd Floor. About 9 feet drop. There was lots of screaming.

Rent higher floors to the crazies.

I have seen enough bloody corpses in my life, I don't need drunk idiots to replay the Happening at my place of work, thank you very much. Although I usually give Walk Ins rooms on the 4th floor, so she would be dead now if I had checked her in. Ouch.

Thank you for these anecdotes.  You help me remember why I got out of medicine and back into research.

When I advise students about a career in medicine, my new tactic is to ask them if they enjoy going to WalMart.  Why?  Those are the people you will be dealing with on a daily basis... en masse.

I really wish we were a hospital that video's our major trauma/medical emergencies. Some hospitals do it for review and to make the programs better. We have to sit down and re-hash it and that is hard to do. But the dude who took the box cutter and cut his throat was freaking insane! I wish I could describe it better, he was covered in blood from head to toe. He was crazy, so he thought stabbing himself would keep him safe from the motorcycle gang out to get him. It had to hurt like hell, and to see the look in his eyes when the medics rolled in with him. Plus the way we managed the air way was awesome. To see the ET tube pop out the first time made us all go "holy fuck". Then when we got it secured with a big trache tube. The fact that some how he did that to open up his airway, but not hit any of the arteries was impressive. I hear he is still on the psych ward.

Crazy people have been acting up too, well, it is probably all of them cooped up since we have snow this year and cold weather. We had a guy show up, come up to our registar, and say, "I'm with the Native American Defense Department, I'm hear to protect the patients on the psych floor, and I brought my knife!" He was holding up his state ID card and his knife at the same time. Thank God our security was right there and stepped in. He had to walk him around the back way to get him into the ER. He then told me he was bitten by a MRSA spider and it is on his finger and it can cure cancer. Dude was nuttier than a shit house mouse. So we gave him some good anti psychotics and got him up to the stress center. When he came in babbling and holding his knife you should have seen all the people in the waiting room wonder WTF. They always ask why we have big signs saying don't act up. Then they see the crazies roll in or the cops drag in some meth'ed out person.

I felt bad for this truck driver the other night. The medics bring him in, as he was found at this girls house beaten unconscious. He was staying at a hotel, was at the bar in the hotel, chatted up the bar tender and he went back to her place when it closed. He was in her bed half asleep and she was in the bathroom, when her ex-boyfriend showed up, kicks in the door, and was drunk yelling he was going to beat her ass for breaking up with him (ya! another fine male species) he charges into the bed room, sees this guy in her bed, so starts pounding this poor dude. She gets out and calls 911 and the cops take the drunk ex-boyfriend to jail. The trucker comes to me, has a head injury, and a Le Fort III http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_Fort_fracture_of_skull fracture. I think he also had a jaw fracture. Either way he was swollen and hurting. He said he was almost asleep and bam he was being hit in the face hard. Not sure but probably a baseball bat. Anyway, the bar tender did show up, she was thankful, because she was even smaller and he probably would have killed her if the drunk ex had gotten a hold of her. So the poor guy had to go to the trauma center over getting some strange that night. I feel sorry for him, as I've had lots of ex's come after me for some reason...or the girls forget to tell me "oh I'm still married we are getting a divorce soon" which means I'm the target sometimes of their rage.

Never ever drink and do acid on your birth day. We had a girl come in, was her 21st birthday, had gone out with her brother. They drank a lot, then did a bunch of hits of acid. She then went nuts tearing up his place, she was so out of control that he called the cops. She is about 5' 6" and 140 lbs, and it took 4 cops and 4 medics to bring her in. She was arching up, and had so much mucus in her mouth and nose it was flying everywhere. Me and another Male RN, took her in, and ended up having to put her in restraints, she looked like Linda Blair from the Exorcist how she would contort around and spit and hack up snot and spit everywhere. We gave her some good drugs too and sent her to ICU. She is going to have one hell of a "not remembering" remembering about her 21'st birth day.

I had a horrific stomach bug 20 years ago where I vomited and shat non-stop for 36 hours, and my wife eventually realized I was getting dangerously dehydrated, a bit delirious, at about midnight. We lived at the time in a pretty mixed area in terms of socioeconomics--basically the first apartment we'd had since I had gotten a job teaching. So off we went at about midnight on a Saturday in the first warm week of spring to the ER. They were crazy busy already with all sorts of stuff but they took one look at me, did the vitals and were like, "ok, you should be here". So they got me on IVs on a gurney, the examining rooms were all full. So I'm only kind of semi-conscious, just totally wiped out, but feeling a bit better after 15 minutes. And then they roll in a guy with tattoos head to toe, bald, really tough looking motherfucker who had clearly done a lot of hard living, and he is fucking bugshit--bleeding from three shallow knife wounds, wired out his gourd on something, screaming and writhing, and three cops can't really hold him down easily. They get him strapped to a gurney, he's going nuts, clothes and face have blood on them (his and I think other people's) and then they've got to get him out of the way a bit. So they park him right next to me. Dude is not actually seeing me--or I think anything really--but wow, it was hard to forget this guy three feet away going out of his gourd.

That would be unbelievably difficult to deal with night after night.

This reminds me of something I wanted to ask you guys. Is there a book that is an "emergency room" version of House of God ? I kind of think I remember reading something about it on the internet a few years ago, but my Google skills fail me.

I feel like:

(http://37.media.tumblr.com/17c1cbc6dd413fea89975a7f129958a7/tumblr_n5sl71SN7p1skz7tyo1_1280.jpg)

Been both the younger and older guy and the partying ones too! The gals at work will provoke me and get me rambling about the times in the service and I'll be like, "God damn it, you ladies got me off on those times again..." which if the wrong people hear it, they bitch that we were having fun.

The gals do sing me praises lately for having to take down some people that attacked our RN's. One guy was brought in drunk and suicidal and decided to getup and grab one of the RN's. I then restrained him to the bed, it was pretty quick, she felt his hand touch her, then it was gone and she turned around and I had him restrained yelling, "you will behave!" He then was placed in restraints, I'll give him credit, he had a better insult than most did, he kept yelling at me, "who cut your hair your mom? Why don't you go home and let her cut it again." Out cop got a chuckle out of that, at least he wasn't yelling FUCK! at the top of his lungs.

Another gal came in who was drunk big time. She was found passed out and the medics couldn't wake her up. They started lines and got her to us, when she woke up when they took her out of the ambulance. She went ape shit. She was trying to kick, bite, hit, and screaming! She was so freaking loud and we were packed of course, so all these other patients were like what the hell, as some drunk chick was screaming. It took 5 of us to restrain her, then we had to get her calmed down. We gave some ativan (benzodiazepine--lorazepam), and it took a while, she was yelling and trying to bite me while restrained. Then she switched to singing loudly and drunkenly anything I said, quite comical. She had a blood alcohol of 0.450 (legal drunk is 0.08), so she was hammered big time. We ended up putting her in ICU, and when I took her to ICU she was all nice! She was like, "Hi!" to the ICU RN's, and they looked at me like how the hell did you have to restrain her...I then told them they can come play the next time they come in singing and biting, they declined :)

Another sad case of dementia and why I think nursing homes suck ass. We had an elderly lady who was brought in by her husband and daughter for being combative. She had gone over to the neighbors yard and was beating his car with her cane, telling him that it was wrong and was not his to be driving. She didn't recognize her husband, but if she heard his voice on the phone she would cry and beg him to come home from the hospital. The plan was to admit her to a senior psychiatric hospital and they would help with placement and treatment (they advertise there geriatric pscyh and pediatric psych facility and treatment). Anyway, she got wild and was out in the hall screaming at her family. I got the order for some Haldol and me and a couple of RN's guided her back in to the room. Another RN and I took her by the arms and walked her into the room. Of course she hit me with her cane and hit the door with it...thank goodness I could take her cane away pretty easy (knowing where the weak line is when you have to take something away or escape from a hold comes in handy). So we get her in and get her on the bed and give her the shot. She calms down, gets cleared and admitted to the other nursing facility. She had high blood pressure so we had to give her a catapress too. So we got her cleared, calmed down, and blood pressure down. She left at about 2100. At 0130 she came back by ambulance, and once again those fuckers didn't call report. EMS said they were called for breathing difficulty due to an allergic reaction. So I called to find out what was going on, the RN there (I hope she was, hell she could have been a janitor for all I know), said, "she had high bp and she got a catapress and she is allergic to catapress." I was like uh...we got the bp down, what was it there, and she was like, "well she had high blood pressure at your facility." I said yes she did, but we treated it, what were her vital signs there. She got really flustered, I said that is okay, the she said, "she is allergic to catapress and you gave her one." I was like, "okay, thanks, we will update you later." You give up talking to these people. It isn't worth your time trying to explain to them about knowing they are "allergic" which patients put down all kinds of crazy shit, and the fact we monitored her for 1 hour after we gave it and no signs of anaphylaxis was noted, she was not having an allergic reaction. The EMS crew had started an IV and hooked her up to the monitor and found she was in A-Fib with RVR. They had also noted possible wheezes and probable rales, with some pitting edema noted, also she had no signs of hives or redness, but was pale and diaphoretic. Okay what that means is her heart was beating irregular and way to fast (Atrial fibrilation with rapid ventricular response). She had trouble breathing probably from some congestive heart failure kicking in and causing the rales (wet sounding) lungs, the wheezes might be from anything but she was pretty stressed. She was barely responding, the EMS had put her on oxygen and started a duo-neb tx, they were just down the block so they didn't have time for EKG and drug therapy. We did cardizem to break the A-fib and control the heart rate, gave her lasix, nitro, and placed a foley cath to diaresis her (pull the extra fluid off her so her heart can beat better and lungs and heart will work better and she can breath better). Well we did it great, she came around and started yelling at us. She was screaming, "My vagina itches!" "I'm leaving her you bastards!" And she kept trying to get out of bed and kept taking the oxygen off and kept tangling herself up in everything. I was charting every 15 minutes, pt still screaming, "my vagina itches!" Never thought I'd be doing that when I went into this profession :) Plus she had an elevated test for blood clots, so we had to sedate her, and she took enough to knock down a horse. She ended up having Congestive heart failure, A-Fib with RVR, and had a heart attack--it was the kind where you don't get the EKG changes (we call that a non-stemi) but her heart markers went up. And of course the dementia with violent behavior. Her poor husband and family. She has no idea what is going on and they can't comfort her. Getting old sucks.

I'll have to write up some other stuff later.

I wonder if she will ever know how close to dying she was.

in this #yolo generation? meh.

Colleague queried me on the possibility of an older excel to open newer excel files. I said yes, it should be OK, but she claimed it is unable to save.
I asked her to demonstrate why this is so.
Upon reviewing the process step by step, I consider it a bug or a feature that MS implemented in their latest patch.
But my concerns proved groundless upon realizing the save button was merely grayed out because she did not type in a file name when prompted.

Clearly the software is to blame.

Hey, if you can send emails without a subject, you should be able to save files without a name!

(http://i.imgur.com/aCnippy.jpg)

Fucking Excel.  You're just bringing Paelos out...

You rang?  :why_so_serious:

I thought you had to say it three times

3 people read it, that's all it needs. The old ones keep up with technology.

In all seriousness though (and yes Trippy, I know this isn't the place for it !) you SHOULD have a look at PowerBI from Microsoft, Paelos.

It would make you really tingly in your accountancy parts.

Yes, I've seen it but unfortunately our office only has about 8 people. So trying to convince the bosses to upgrade to Office 2010 was a headache. They don't like expenses for software.

Who does, frankly.

People that understand the lost productivity of using an inferior product, and the inherent expenses necessary in upkeep.

Software expenses are one of those things that can make your system so much more efficient if you implement it properly and don't skimp on the implementation and educational side.

If you argue that better tools will improve productivity, their first question is going to be 'How many of our 8 accountants could we fire if we switch?'  Shut up before they think of the same logic themselves.

--Dave

You don't understand how public accounting works. We're not admin staff, we're the actual service.

If you could get my company to understand that it would be a Godsend! So much time is lost in how craptastic of an electronic medical record was produced and every damn system seems to suck and not be able to talk to each other!

That's just medical records software.  It's almost like there's an industry-wide conspiracy to provide the shittiest software experience to doctors, so that the not-quite-as-shitty products are hailed as revolutionary and amazing.

I've seen a Visual Basic front end on a SQL database maintained by 2 guys (with 8500 users) that runs better than $200K records packages provided by Greenway, etc.

 :awesome_for_real:

Shipping goods to Australia.
Koala fuckers want things to be done their way.
OK. Brief me please. ANYONE?
No. Send me excel. Ask me to fill up their PO.
FINE I CAN READ.

They ordered Blue color fabric but wants me to write it down as Navy Oxford.
Lilac turned into Aubergine or some shit.
Fucking hell. Matching those with the China factory documentation is already a bitch but opening the excel gave me a pause.

(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/829607/daily/50/wtf.png)

 :uhrr:

Some columns I don't quite get so I ask a question:
'For Box. No column does it mean the carton serial no.? Or is it the amount of boxes?'

Direct Email Quote Answer: Box. No column -  takes the ‘Box Number(s)’ for the qty on that line.

What does that mean? Anyone?

It means they don't know and copied the info from some .docx or .pdf they have for their use.

Now let me get this straight. They want you to fill out the PO their way but didn't fill in their order in the yellow cells? Get your boss to tell them to fuck off and send your own standard invoice.

Filling out the order yourself and then the supplier side is just begging for trouble down the line when they contest you shipped them the wrong shit.  Especially since they're telling you to write down colors different than you supply.  I've seen enough GCs do this to less savvy suppliers of materials (always over the phone). When push comes to shove and lawyers get involved documentation trumps conflicting stories.

My partner worked in the accounting department of a dysfunctional non-profit and they had this ancient accounting system that couldn't printing to a laser printer. Instead, it required a second application that would print checks based on an outputted text file. They couldn't get rid of it because it had been donated ten years earlier and "it might offend the donor" if they switched to something more modern.

We forced a non-profit to update to Quickbooks from whatever ridiculous software they were using because they were going to fail the internal controls portion of their audit.

Seriously, at some point you're making so many bad software workaround decisions that your accounting fraud risk goes through the roof.

How bout just plain mistakes, let alone fraud. Yuk.

Oh man, we do IT for a pretty large accounting firm and it's a mess.  My sympathies to everyone else that has to deal with one.

I just had to try and hunt down a floppy disk drive for someone.  Imagine our collective surprise when no stores in the area had them in stock.

Floppy disk drive.

Wow.

Those haven't been in use since I was in high school in the 90s.

They were in use here in the wilds of the EU for longer than that. I think they finally really went out of use in the mid to late 2000s.

Like a 3.5" or a 5"?

Either way, wow, ut one's got more :uhrr: than the other.

If it's a 3.5" I've got a box that's still got Win95 on it with a floppy that works.  Hell it even has an internal ZIP drive that might spin up still. :awesome_for_real:

3.5", thank god.  At least someone still manufactures drives that can read those.  They're super cheap, too, if anyone out there still has old floppies kicking around that they'd want to access for a laugh.

Way too much shit happened....

Lost 2 friends, http://m.tribstar.com/obituaries/cheryl-l-waggoner-reynolds/article_6d363a22-6f52-5f36-8447-476df4fb36ec.html?mode=jqm and what happened, http://wthitv.com/2014/09/30/autopsy-results-in-waggoner-death/

I knew both of them, trained both of them, and in a blink of an eye on a Cheryl is gone and Joe will be locked up for a long time. I'm not going to speculate on it, just that it looks like Joe shot her during an argument and it was accidental.

The funeral was sad and wonderful. It brings up memories of the first time I went to a fallen comrades death or the services for those I couldn't save. It also brings up the feelings of those runs. I'm lucky, I don't have nightmares, and I usually don't break down. But we all do. Godspeed Cheryl, may you look over us on all our runs and codes with the smile you always had...

The town went nuts. One student shot another on ISU campus, then a girl stabbed her boyfriend in the chest and killed him, then my friend died, then another girl got shot in the arm, then another dude stabbed himself in the leg, then another student at ISU got shot, the a Doctor went crazy after his wedding and killed his new wife and himself.

I'll have to think and write up about the guy who stabbed himself in the leg, he was quite the asshat :)

Wash your hands, cover your coughs, and get your flu shots! All that crap is starting early.

Fuck dude.  Sorry to hear that.  I change my mind about wanting a JimboCam.

But accidentally shot in the heart during an argument?  Not following there.  No need to expand on it, the brief article just doesn't connect those dots at all (I did not watch the video part).

That's horrible.  I'm so sorry, Jimbo. 

Yes, that's an awful story Jimbo. Sorry to hear about that loss.

Oh man, sorry to hear about that, Jimbo. 

http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/08/us/indiana-wedding-couple-murder-suicide/index.html?hpt=hp_t2 (http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/08/us/indiana-wedding-couple-murder-suicide/index.html?hpt=hp_t2)
What's going on over there?

Jesus, sounds like Beirut over there. Sorry Jimbo :/

Thanks guys and gals, yes my town went nuts.

I big bitch I've got right now, is that some Pediatricians are crazy. A couple of them that admit to our hospital do things that scratch your head. They admit for viral pneumonia (they want every kid stuck for blood and an IV placed and fluids no matter what), and if it is viral they want blood cultures and antibiotics started. One of the other pediatric doctors was questioning why we do this, we had to explain that the department head is demanding this, he thinks that all kids being admitted must have an IV, blood work, blood cultures, and IV antibiotics even if it is viral. The three docs that do this are Indian (trained in India), and 2 are Filipino (trained in the Philippines), our FNP asked her once why she gives antibiotics to virus because of the risk of becoming resistant. The doc told her, "I don't care if they become resistant, I won't be treating them when they are older, I need to keep them healthy at all cost." Needless to say, none of us take our kids to our own pediatric group. I'm not bashing on all foreign docs, but some have some crazy ideas, or they are afraid they will get sue'ed so they really practice crazy defensive medicine.

So to sum it up, I've been jabbing all kinds of kids with needles and finding out they have a virus. Then we put them on antibiotics.... The problem is if a super bug shows up, even if I testify, I doubt anything will be done against these asshole doc's that helped make it. I can see why Nebu got out of pediatric practice. I still love taking care of kids, I'm not done yet. Oh I have learned to bite my tongue, try not to make a face of "are you really that stupid", and figure out ways to educate the parents to help the kids out. Sometimes it works, most of the time I'm just helping the child get comfortable, showing them that Tylenol and time with sips of fluids will make the child feel better. Oh my corporation won't let me every ask a parent why they don't vaccinate or explain to a parent why not vaccinate is bad for the child and community. I did once and got called to the carpet with the Superintendent and CNO... I had to apologize to the crazy mom. If I didn't need a job I would have quit but hey I'm still needing to pay for shit.

Found out more on my friends who are in jail and dead. Was a crazy night and Joe and Cheryl are both gone...never new so much that could go so wrong and go so crazy.
The ICU RN and the Anesthesiologist who got married and went crazy...ugh, just sounds ugly from all parties on all sides. I had met Kelly before, never did a rotation with him. I've heard he was pretty decent, but you never know why things happen. The ICU is freaked and so is the surgery section over at Union. That weekend had a bunch of stabbings and other shootings that didn't get published as much.

Fear of litigation: When I get on bitch that we need to reform the health care laws, it is this what I'm bitching about more. The fact that I have to act and do things because if I don't then I leave my ass hanging out to be taken to court. At the same time both non-profit and profit hospitals are taking on the business model of customer service where customer satisfaction and loyalty scores are become more important and with them comes some crazy metrics. What happens is I get told to do more with less and make the customer happy and make him want to come back. Probably not the best model for effective health care.

Fuck. Wow. I keep thinking how my career choices have been to keep me as far away as humanly possible from what you deal with on a regular basis. Video games and now accounting. I don't know what to say -- you're living 'real life' far more than I ever have in my life.

I'm sorry that you're being put through so much. Take care of yourself, man.

Crap Jim, that situation with the flu and kids sounds awful. I don't know much about medicine, but I thought that viruses cannot be treated with antibiotics, just bacteria. I mean, isn't that freakin' layman's knowledge? Sounds like someone somewhere should report the hospital to an oversight board somewhere.

I could not do the job you do.  For so many reasons, but this one for sure.

Correct.  But patients don't know better so if you didn't give little Timmy an antibiotic you obviously weren't doing everything you could to make him feel better.

Personally I think it's harmful and should be treated as such, but most fail to see how something that can be good in one situation can be terrible in another.  Otherwise the nurses could call the doctors out on this without getting in trouble.

Hey Jimbo... ask me why I got out of medicine.

Our health care system is proper FUCKED.  It will take complete failure before any consideration will ever be made to unfuck it.  The pay system for physicians and administrative hierarchy only serve to exacerbate the issue.

The only potential thing is a risk of super infection. I.E. because you're sick and your immune system is fighting off one infection you can get bacterial infections on top of this. It happened to me when I had my wisdom teeth out (all 4 at once, pulled, no cutting, no general anesthesia). I got herpes and staff and was in the hospital for 3 days(protip: Do not google eczema herpeticum). Preventative antibiotics potentially could have prevented both of them, since the strain of one lets the other in, but certainly would have made the final reaction less severe.

Frankly we probably should have sued (basically there was risk of permanent brain damage or death) for malpractice since they knew I had immune conditions which made such problems more likely and so should have prescribed antibiotics (as would be normal for any surgery where there was increased risk of post surgery infection)

Basically that last part is what they're protecting against. Though they're doing so over zealously. If you don't have immune issues, you shouldn't be prescribed antibiotics for a viral infection.

You had surgery.  Antibiotics are standard with surgery because an infection can easily develop at the wound sites.

If you have the flu and there are reasonable concerns you might pick up something from being immuno-compromised then yes prescribe them.  As a generic practice though?  No, it's bad.

Trade that risk against the risk of a life-threatening allergic reaction, which can apparently develop even after one has had a given set of antibiotics before. Or killing off all but the antibiotic-resistant germs in your system, which then turn into a life-threatening infection.

I've had an antibiotic-resistant infection before, and nearly died. It's lots of fun to hear a doctor tell you that there aren't any drugs that can treat what you have, but there used to be except that people have been abusing antibiotics. Bonus points when they tell you that a majority of people who have what you have won't die, and of the survivors, many won't even have permanent side effects. Then you find out that "a majority" means "slightly more than half".

Also toss in Stevens-Johnson Syndrome, Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis, potential kidney damage, blah, blah, blah. Despite the carefree way we use them antibiotics have the potential to really fuck a person up. 

While not a dig at doctors or the medical profession, I'm bewildered by the amount of what's basically guesswork and just trying everything on a flowchart until something works. I'm also amazed at the number of people who come in for a planned surgery for whatever and then find out later that their body is packed with cancer they knew nothing about.

Physicians work on a differential diagnosis system. The patient comes in with a list of primary complaints and, based on those complaints, the physician attempts to narrow what the issue is down to as small a number of possibilities as possible.  Due to the complexity of the human body, it's often quite challenging to narrow down what is causing the issue.  The availability of sites like WebMD only serve to make this more challenging for physicians as patients now feel that they should try to diagnose themselves rather than precisely and specifically citing their chief complaints. 

Imagine that you're an MD and you see 40 patients in an 8 hour period.  Consider that you need about 10 mins to chart each patient.  That leaves you VERY little time to actually talk to the patient, assess their issues, and get to the bottom of their condition.  Couple to this the fact that most people aren't educated enough to be specific about their condition and you'll begin to understand why proper diagnosis is such a challenge.

Pfff.  House can do it.

No, I understand. I wasn't trying to bitch about doctors, especially residents. Just that we spend so much money but it really doesn't translate into much better diagnostic information or help narrow things down much. It also doesn't help that patients seem to really like to leave out really important symptoms or other information because they didn't want to annoy the doctor or didn't think it mattered. Especially if it involves any part covered by underpants. It's really weird. A huge chunk of my time is spent getting that sort of stuff to doctors so they can make a more informed decision.

The cancer thing wasn't really directed at doctors at all. I'm just literally amazed and concerned that people can have metastatic cancer and have no idea.

Add on to this the fact that most people see doctors in for-profit clinics where the onus is on the doctor to see as many patients in a day as possible for as little time as possible so as to get more billings. Hell, most of the time I've been to the doctor, I spend more time waiting and/or speaking to the nurses than I do the doctor. That has to change for better medicine to be practiced, as well as the patient expectation that a doctor isn't doing anything unless he's prescribing something or referring you somewhere.

As stupid as most MDs are, I'm not sure more time would help.  Med School entrance screens for all the wrong attributes. 

Every doctor I ever went to for my problem kept trying to run tests and give me drugs or tell me I was fine.

It wasn't until I said fuck it and went the consultant MD route (ie - fee per hour, no insurance) that I finally got some better answers and help.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYMLMj-SibU

http://wthitv.com/2014/11/01/name-released-in-fatal-interstate-70-accident-2/

She was an ER RN at the other hospital in town. The TV station got the hospitals mixed up. One of our EMS crews for TransCare took the infant to us and stayed with her till the state police could get her Dad. I was thankful she could stay and be with the infant as it was a zoo Friday night. I'm not sure on the status of her 13 year old son, but the little girl was doing pretty good when we sent her to the trauma center in Indy.

No kidding. I had PVCs. Went to a cardiologist, did all the tests. You know what triggers them? Have stomach gas and laying down. (Other things do it, but that does it pretty much every time). Nary a one for weeks, but I go to bed with a bloated stomach and I'll have random ones for several minutes.

Why? Fuck if I know. Fuck if my cardiologist knows. I got "might be just some funny pressure on a nerve" (pretty sure he didn't believe that) with "it's harmless"  (which he did believe, or more expensive tests would have been forthcoming. I had good insurance at the time) which I took at face value (all the dangerous stuff has been ruled out).

It's literally "your body is just kinda weird like that" and a shrug. GI stuff is even worse. Food insensitivity? Weird allergy? Your colon just hates you? Suddenly can't digest one of the fake sugars? Body suddenly reacts to caffeine by shitting out everything you've ever eaten? It's a mystery, you just feel like shit randomly for no reason. (A relative of mine has a huge list of stuff she just suddenly can't eat. Just..one year, her GI system just said "Fuck it" and she spent four years figuring out what it no longer tolerated).

Every seven years give or take my body switches around foods that it punishes me for eating. I think that's pretty much the same for everyone. THat reminds me, I need to start being careful with what I eat in about a year. Nothing is worse than going to Cleveland for dinner and a show and discovering that anything with shrimp in it now gives me firehose diarrhea.

All that stuff about missed diagnoses and misdiagnoses is why I CAN'T WAIT for them to finish developing a Dr. version of Watson. It doesn't have to be AI, just practical statistical analysis with a good data collection process and a full catalog of historical treatment outcomes data with a hundred million datasets for comparison and kept up-to-date with ALL (not just the positive) outcomes of every diagnosis/treatment regime. It really is not rocket science, just big data, the vast majority of which is kept unavailable in silos to protect the profits of private companies "privacy of individuals".  Sadly it WILL NOT HAPPEN in the good ole USofA in my lifetime, since there are several multi-trillion dollar "heath care" and pharmaceutical industries which stand to lose most of those profits if some machine actually started providing accurate medical advice.  argh.  The good news, for a few people, is something of that sort will probably be available to astronauts and researchers in Antarctica and the ultra-rich within a decade. Just not for us normal folk.  Meanwhile there is an almost facebook-like unofficial collaboration system (I can't remember the name of) going on where physicians share odd cases with each other and exchange ideas, kind of like an expanded corridor/coffeeshop shop-talk consultation, which is proving remarkably useful and productive and which I expect to be shut down any day now by some lawsuit.

re patients telling physicians all their symptoms, it's hard. It's hard to track gradual changes, hard to recognize stuff that you live with every day isn't the norm for most other people, hard to remember to mention it to your physician, hard to find the balance between hypochondria and hyperstocism, and hard to describe what the hell you're feeling in a way that the physician can recognize as a significant data point on their diagnostic flow chart. I've learned to take notes to take in to the doctor and still forget important stuff sometimes. (OK, I'm getting old, plus the Dr. visit is disorienting and intimidating)

And by disorienting and intimidating I mean my last two medical visits have resulted in $1000 worth of tests including blood and urine labs, x-rays and a biopsy, with the following diganoses: enlarged prostrate (but not cancerous, thank God), arthritis in the spine and hip, and yet another skin cancer (squamous cell this time, coming off next week).  And my Dr. (actually a PA doing FAR better general internal medicine than any actual M.D. I've ever gone to) nagging me for my cholesterol going all the way up to 144 (!!!11!!one!!) because I guess she's run out of more serious things to nag me about?

Teresa, I get the IT people to send me selections of my PIC computers.
Pls ask Steve to help see.
My functions are
Can carry around
can do.power point
Can do quotation
Can take picture
Can serve internet
Can link to server or cloud.
Must be light weight
2 pcs.

Etch a Sketch

Okay, found at work the other night, we can crash our computer system! We have 17 beds with computers, plus 8 more at the Nurses station for the Doc, PA/FNP, Secretary and 5 more for charting for Nursing Staff. Our big company Health Care of America (not really the name...ugh they changed the rules at both hospitals I work at so I have been trying to remember to sterilize my stories and where I work at, although I think most of you could figure it out), which is the largest in the world with hospitals and clinics in US and England, is so freaking cheap on how they do things they chained all of the computers in the ER so if one guy goes crazy trying to log in, and it is slow, so he keeps trying, it crashes the network in the Emergency Department. They had to call IT in and have them fix it. Then during the work week they went in and decided to not make it so if you crashed the log in on one computer, it wouldn't crash the others. They still have us charting on one of the most clunky and not user friendly programs in the world.

I have had a run of crazy stuff again. We had the police call the other night, they said there was a stabbing on the way in, they were in route when the victim had left the scene and was heading our way. He came in the door yelling he was stabbed, I went out and brought in him straight back, he kept yelling, "I think he stabbed my liver!" and I carried him in and tried to get him in bed. Of course he wanted to jump up on the bed in a doggy style position. So me and the doc had to talk him into sitting up, getting undressed, starting IV's and giving him pain meds and controlling the bleeding. He was lucky. it missed his spine barely and it got a small part of his lung where we didn't have to put a chest tube in (he had like a 5 or 10% no shortness of breath, so was admitted to surgical floor for monitoring in case he needed one or got worse), he had free air around the wound too, so that needed monitored and surgical consult. I will be so glad when we get our Trauma surgeons as the regular ones we have just won't come in half the time. I asked him what it was over, and he said, "this guy has been harassing my family, so I told him lets end it tonight, so I build a boxing ring down stairs and we were going to duke it out, but the guy stabbed me in the back when I turned around to get ready." The cops new him and the guy who did it and the family quite well. So later on, we found out, it was, "my brother-in-law owes me 10 dollars since before Christmas (it was in late January now), and I keep bugging him for it. But he won't pay me, and we were arguing and I was demanding my 10 dollars and turned around to walk off and he was mad and stabbed me in the back." All for 10 dollars. Oh yes, they all had been drinking, smoking pot, and doing some meth too! Fun family night.

I've got more, so I'll have to check my notes and write them up later.

Good God.  Thank you Jimbo for having the strength of character to put up with the things that would drive me to insane. 

Jimbo wakes up everyday, and shrugs off the problems that would break another man. Mostly due to his love of female asses.

You have to admit, that is a good cause.

Maybe you could send them this:

(http://i.imgur.com/0S5spVm.jpg)

I wish they had slotted the memory horizontally.

Lant, you need help.

It'd fool more people if they did.

Plus you've been playing Warframe with me almost every night for a month.  You already know I need help. :-P

So the other night, they bring in a guy who is drunk and high on K2 (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synthetic_cannabis), he was found unresponsive, then woke up and started trying to punch the paramedics and cops, he hit the cop and the medic (The lead paramedic took the hit that was aimed at the paramedic student), ended up in soft restraints. He got into the ER, and we started the work up for overdoses/unresponsive pt's where he ended up breaking the soft restraints, had to put 4 point hard restraints on him. He spit on one of the cops face and kept trying to bite us and kick and fight us. Oh he had to small seizure from it too. But instead of going postictal (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postictal_state) he would go freaking crazier! By the way, I'm there helping at a secretary/tech since we were short that position, I'm not scheduled, and just there to help and shit rolls in of course. Any way, with the help of EMS/Police/Security/RN's and Techs, we put him in 4 point hard restraints and start doing testing and getting labs and getting meds ready to give. I was getting ready to start and IV in his right arm, had his arm restrained and some how he managed to twist his hand and grab my penis. I was furious! The first time I've ever yelled at a patient, "let go of my dick you mother fucker!" So we replaced his arms in different locations and started his IV and drew blood and gave him more medicine to try and calm him down. We ended up giving him a ton of medicine to calm him down and stop/prevent seizures. He admitted to drinking 3 beers, shooting up K2, Methamphetamine, and KDM (hell if we know, it could have been yard clippings as crazy as this guy was). He came back for blood alcohol level of .249 (0.08 is legal limit for reference) and negative on the Meth screen, so he had gotten into some bad shit that they sold him. Another incident report I never thought I'd have to write, "patient grabbed my genitalia and began to squeeze and patient was moved into a different restraint position to stop him from grabbing this RN or any other staff." And had to file the police report, since he was being charged with battery with bodily fluids on Police, battery on EMS, and battery on RN/Hospital personnel, and battery on police (spit on one cop, hit another cop). Someone asked if the judge would dismiss it since he had a seizure, I said it is the same if you get drunk and hit someone or get in a car and kill someone, impairment isn't an excuse.

Well we have good and bad things like always, we have our Trauma system going! The surgeons are like super nice! I asked one if he really was a surgeon because they aren't dicks like our local ones. The bad news is that I have to do more with less still. More patients, more things to do, and our headquarters gave orders to bring all patients back into the main bed area and place them in halls sitting in chairs or stretchers in 3 minutes, and the ER Doctor or PAC/FNP has to see them in 5 minutes. Oh my God, has that been a monkey fucking a football. We have patients everywhere, providers are stressed, RN's are stressed, but hey the dick head who get a bonus by cutting staff and get to go suck dick on a beach down in Nashville are happy. They can boast how awesome we are at getting things done. Some of it is great, I finally got a ultrasound machine to do IV's!!! We have been asking for this since 2004. Of course they didn't train us, just bought the damn machine :( but hey that is a start. We got a lot of equipment for trauma, neuro/brain/spine injuries, orthopedic, stroke, a new blood transfusion policy (ya!), and better threw put on getting patients admitted and a transfer center to help place patients we can't keep. Another bad thing is lack of psychiatric care. We seem to be housing behavior health patients in the ER because our stress center is full and we have a suicidal patient and we can't get them placed in another facility in the state (Indiana and Illinois).

Oh and the cute lab tech I went to high school with would call up later that night and say, "let me speak to the Charge Nurse Long Dick Dong" and laugh. They were like damn Jimbo you were hanging low tonight for him to grab you. Never thought I'd be having that happen...

You always get the cute ones, Jimbo.  :pedobear:

I love Jimbo's stories... mostly because I am reading them and not living them.  Carry on son, carry on.

New sig addition, thanks to Jimbo.

Let go of my dick, motherfucker.

That's a gem. Jimbo's stories are great.

Jimbo needs to write a book... or a screenplay.

Life is stranger than fiction.

Thank you for making my Friday, Jimbo.  Your stories are just awesome to read (because I ain't living it!).

Thanks for sharing these Jimbo, they're always an interesting read.

Seconding Nebu, you need to write a book. It'd be like James Herriot books, only with fewer sheep and a lot more meth

'Steve! Did you receive an email I forwarded you?'
'What is it about?'
'SOMEONE IN CHINA IS BUYING OUR DOMAIN STEVE! YOU NEED TO ACT QUICKLY! STOP THEM!'
'Oh really?'

I read the mail.

 :uhrr: Wah, this is serious. [Sarcasm 100]

'SEE?! DON'T DILLY DALLY! GET TO IT!'
'It's a scam.' [Perception 9]
'What'
'Here let me just google the title of your email...' [Science 47]

(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/829607/daily/90/halthalthalt.png)
(https://archive.moe/download/int/image/1360/11/1360119946331.png)

Heard this in the front office yesterday.


'I went and bought a bigger monitor, but the internet is still the same size!'

Pretty sure that must have been deliberate, no?  I say shit like that basically all day long.

I wish they meant it as humor. 

I work for the Pope now. St Vincent Health is who runs our system in Indiana, then it goes up to Ascension Health, which is the Catholic Charities that runs/bankrolls it. My little local hospital is really weird on social media and posting things, so I'm glad this is in a web-site where people wouldn't normally go to find health care blogs. They wanted to fire people over posting on Facebook one of our RN's suited up to take care of a pt in full P.P.E. (personal protection equipment-she had a high risk of getting splattered, so she was in gown, mask, goggles, gloves, booties, and surgical cap), the post said something like still smiling even under all that, or some crap like that. The CEO blew up. He wanted to fire the RN's that night and all the ones who liked it. This is the same CEO that jumped up in the middle of my job interview with him and yelled, "damn my balls are freezing! Are your's cold too?" I didn't take the director position and as long as I'm nights he stays away from me. Anyway, I'll have to keep the posts semi-sterile, where I keep any pt's name or hints from showing...I usually do a good job, I change all of the RN's names usually.

The hospital is smaller, it is only 8 rooms, 4 hallway beds, 1 Doctor, and 2 RN's with a 3rd from 3pm to 11pm, so critical pt's can slow the place down big time. I quit my old job even though there were some awesome training going on, but the lack of staff when they tried to run a Trauma center, Stroke Center, and Heart Center with next nothing on RN's was crazy. My Medical Director followed suit, he quit and went to another hospital and still works with me at the small hospital part time.

I really love it there, other than some of the management is crazy, well mostly 2 of them- the CEO and CFO. My direct boss is great and the CNO is great.

But on to the nights :) I know that is more entertaining then listening to the state of health care in the USA.

I had Lucy from 50 1st dates the other night. This girl had gotten drunk, gotten dropped off at her apt, walked out side with out her keys, and the door shut. So instead of calling someone or knocking on neighbors or something, she punches out a window. Except that caused a huge cut in her right arm. Luckily, it wasn't an artery she hit, but the problem was it freaked her out. She would start crying and screaming, till she passed out, then she would wake up, start off fine, then look down and see her arm, then start yelling, "what the fuck!? What the fuck is this?!" Then she would go into a banshee wailing and crying til she passed out. It took a bunch of sedatives to get her controlled and restraints eventually, but then she slept hard and it took the ER Doc about 1 hour to suture her back up. When she came back in 3 days later for her wound check, she was so apologetic, didn't remember anything. The Doc's stitches did great and her arm looks great when I see her out and about. But the 1st hour she was in the ER she was in a state of yelling, then passing out, then waking up, not remembering what she did, then seeing it, then going crazy screaming till she passed out.

I've got a one legged stalker. The girl who is my stalker is someone I took out 2 times back 2006, she went super possessive after the 2nd date and would send me text after text and filled up my inbox on my phone. So I told her good-bye, you're a bit to crazy for even my tastes. So I might say hi to her or her kid if I ran into them in the hospital or on the town, but not much of it I would make. Then about 2 months ago, I take this new gal I met to dinner (I'll call her Amiee), we went to Red Lobster. She has a brand new black Jeep Cherokee, so she was nice and let me drive (she knows I'm a Jeep nut), and we had a great dinner, ate, drank, and talked till they closed, then I drove her home. She lives in another town about 45 minutes away, but is from the town I'm from, we both went to school in this town and new a lot of the same people. So she stayed with her cousin that night, and the next day her family was getting together for breakfast. The one gal that I had taken out back in 2006 is now engaged to Amiee's uncle, and that gal has also lost her leg stepping in a hole in the floor in her public housing unit. Amiee's never liked her, as she thinks peg leg is after her uncle to get money from, since he is 62 and she 32. When they meet up, Amiee is accosted by the one legged gal, where she started questioning her in a snippy tone about how Amiee knows me, how did I pay for dinner, and when did I get a black Jeep when he has a yellow one. She knew where I lived, how old my kid is, where I work at, and on and on about my life. Amiee said, "Listen here Eileen (the one-legged gal is named Adrian), it is none of your damn business what we did, and besides you're supposed to be into my uncle not what the guy I'm out with is doing." The one legged gal broke down and started telling Amiee how she never got over me and has been stalking me since then...so of course I'm watching out for boiling bunnies on my stove, especially since my son and I forget to  lock the doors at times. She even has had thoughts of switching her hospital to the new one I work at which is 30 miles from her! So the gals I work with have been screening any calls to not tell what staff is on.

There is a bad respiratory infection that is trying to kill half the population and another stomach infection that is making the other half miserable. But on a bright note, one of the RN's I work with, has helped deliver 2 babies! I tell her that is awesome, as I've still not caught a baby (or got my stork pin) and I've been doing this since 1990 in some capacity or another, and the only time I got to help with birthing a baby is during clinical rotation in labor and delivery where they are expected to come out.

More to come, have to start a better journal, since it has been pretty intensive and lots of nights.

You should be a TV show.  And it could just be called Jimbo.

Thanks Jimbo.  You are a daily reminder of why going into research was the best choice for me. 

Glad you're enjoying the new job. 

Meh I thought I had some cool work stories, mine suck compared Jimbos

Please share anyway.

(http://68.media.tumblr.com/335e972b3ffebed64aaacb8b609c8214/tumblr_ofrtmhX4Wb1skz7tyo1_500.png)

Dude came into the County ER late one night complaining of arm and chest pain on the right side. He then proceeded to tell me, "I had a headache for 2 weeks, so I took my stun gun and shocked my head. And it got rid of it." This was while I was scrounging for a good IV site since we were going to have to scan his chest for a possible blood clot. He ended up getting mad and leaving because we weren't giving him IV narcotics quick enough for his pain.

I did have one lady who came in because as she said, "her damn boy toy was drinking and driving that damn scooter (the mobility kind) and ran over my fucking foot." It was possibly broke, but the worst was we can't find pulses even with the doppler or the portable ultrasound. So once again I'm scrounging for an IV site, the lady is coming down off of meth btw, and has crappy veins, finally get a nice one, and get her scanned. We found a big ass blockage in the knee and ankle, where the arteries had been occluded, probably from the trauma. No fracture of the foot, but real problem that she will loose that limb or worse the clot will break loose and kill her. So what does rational ass person do? She calls us a bunch of dumb mother fuckers and signs out against medical advice. So 2 days later her family finally convinces her to go to a bigger hospital (which is where we going to send her in the  first place) and by then the damage is so bad she looses her foot from the knee down on that leg. Thank God I had charted like crazy and had been making sure to do 15 to 30 mins checks and documented everything. The ER Doc and I spent at least 30 mins talking to her and her family but there was no convincing her to go to the bigger hospital that night and get treatment. Now, she comes in for the stump getting infected, like the last time, she put Bengay (https://www.bengay.com/bengay-ultra-strength-cream) muscle cream on the site of her surgery wound. It smelled of rotting flesh and Bengay...ugh  :uhrr: It made the purulent drainage freaking blue!! I've seen some pretty nasty pus from infections, but freaking slime blue?!?! Anyway, the kicker is she is a year younger than me, but looks like hell.

The new hospital is great by the way. After I quit the small hospital, long story for another time, I started at a bigger hospital near my house. But it is a non-profit, so we have ER Techs, Orderlies, and even HOUSE KEEPING all night long! Now we still help each other, because we have 50 beds and some nights we rock out 180 patients. Some nights we don't. But still even being busy all night, it doesn't get overwhelming like it could. Anyway, EMS brings in a lady, she was black, had been drinking, and had gone for a walk form her house to the gas station and back at around 1130pm. She called EMS because, "something jumped out of my trash can on my property and bite my leg." She had like 3 small puncture wounds on the top of her right thigh and 4 small puncture wounds on the back side of her right thigh. Didn't really look like an animal, but whatever. So I'm teaching a new ER Nurse how to fill out an animal bite form that the state of Indiana requires, and our Doc comes in, he doesn't know what type of bites, says they look like insect bites, the damn lady doesn't say a damn word to the ER Doc. So when he leaves, I clarify with her, "you said an animal bite you, even though you can't say what animal it is right? This wasn't from an insect bite?" And of course, now I'm the bad guy with her, she says, "yeah it's fucking animal that bite me, I want you to get out of my room you damn fat fonky." The girl I was training couldn't keep from laughing, so she did the right thing and walked out. I said sure I'll leave and I'll go tell the ER Doc what she thought had happened. He chuckled, but we treated it as an animal bite wound and gave her the rabies vaccine and treatment. Plus we got a chuckle that she was drunk enough to call me a "Fonky" instead of "Honky".

More to come, it's still a wild ride in the ER  8-)

When was the last time I told you that I love your stories, Jimbo?  I love your stories, Jimbo.   :awesome_for_real:  You should write a book.  NOT a scratch and sniff book, though.

Nothing like a blue slime meth infection to really make a story pop!

In other words, Jimbo understands exactly how Trump got elected.   :grin:

You're a great man, Jimbo.  Hang in there.

This almost sounds like it could be a Jeff Foxworthy skit

Love the stories Jimbo, thanks for keeping on fighting the good fight!

Jimbo, you need a blog or something, you could call it Purulent Drainage.  Or preferably, just come here every day an post about the previous day's events.  I suspect your lunch breaks are more interesting than my entire day.

Thanks Jimbo, it does a body good. In this time of existential crisis, it is refreshing to hear that some brave git like you is facing blue puss, amputations all while getting called a Fonky and still able to face the next day.

So election night was fun, I mean what does my crazy ass town do? Some of them celebrate by drinking, "2 big ass bottles of dark eyes vodka, those almost half-gallon sized bottles. Then he got on a razor scooter, road it in the house down the hall about 4 feet, fell and hit his head." Dude was unconscious, and drunk beyond what monkey's get. He was not responding, reaked of alcohol, so we treated it as an overdose-trauma patient, since he did ride a Razor Scooter (https://www.razor.com/products/kick-scooters/a2/) off into the sunset...well hallway, then fall and hit his head. He was so drunk we had to intubate him, taking over his breathing. It was wild, as when I dropped the oral gastric tube down into his stomach and hooked it up to suctions (on ventilator patients we do that so they don't vomit and so we can give some oral meds if needed) I got about 500ml of pink clear fluid that really smelled of alcohol. I then asked if his family was coming, the paramedics said, "no, the whole house was drunk as hell, I don't think anyone is going to come, I'm not sure who called 911." To make it even worse for the guy, he had a possible broken neck too. So to ICU he went, with a c-collar on, intubated and ventilated, and family too drunk to come see him. The charge RN said his girl friend did call to check though...but she was pretty hammered on the phone talking to her.

I thought with the one crazy patient who put Bengay on her surgical wound was bad, but then we got a guy who had let his legs rot! I mean he came in with maggots on the wound on his foot, one toe so rotten it was down to the bone, and just looking like hell. We then started cleaning him up, and the other foot/lower leg was swollen but not rotten, or so we thought. It ruptured where it was swollen down around the ankles and maggots came out!!! I was like what the hell! We ended up calling adult protective services, as his wife was normal as hell, but didn't care one bit he was emaciated and full of maggots! This would be one patient I wish they would have filmed it. You don't see infections that bad, hell, I didn't see infections that bad in the MedCaps in Panama or the Philippines.

We had one crazy fucker come in for shop lifting 332.42 dollars worth of items from a grocery store. He wasn't very obvious, he had a back pack with his name on it, walking around the store at 2 am, grabbing items and throwing them in his back pack, then when he tried to leave the store, the security guard (off duty deputy) stops him. He throws the back pack and takes off running, the local police catch him, but he grabs a bottle of Xanax and downs almost 30 pills. He had all this chewed up pills in his mouth and was also kinda foamy at the mouth. Anyway, cops bring him in, he ends up getting restrained and we have to work him up. He admits to trying to overdose, then admits to doing Bath Salts. I'm thinking great another junior grade chemist gone wrong in my town again. The thing is he, had a ton of warrants out for him, so the police were not just releasing him and having us call, they stayed. While we were checking him in, he was fighting us and the cops, so he ended up getting put in restraints, and one gal was starting the IV and one was straight cathing him for urine (sticking a tube up his penis to get urine then pulling it out after we get the urine). One of the registrars asked what he was wanted for, I just replied all dead pan, "he was teaching Sunday School on Saturday." While the wonder patient was yelling, "my dick, my dick, what the fuck I didn't put the pills in my dick! You bitch!."

We did have some recent pediatric saves that were nice, then we got more crazy people doing drugs again...never ending cycle sometimes.

What the fuck.  Thread Title is Warranted.

I laughed, I cried, I threw up. Shouldn't read this thread before lunch.

I keep thinking sometimes about all the stuff that the rest of us don't know about the world beyond our experience of it--like we're all holding one piece of a hugely complicated cypher that is humanity. Jimbo seems to be holding an important and distressing part of the code.

As a parent, thanks for this!!!

You're a light in the darkness, Jimbo. Don't ever let them change you.

Yes, thank you Jimbo, particularly on behalf of parents and kids everywhere.

If anything ever happened to my son, I would hope that I could find somebody like Jimbo. The level of care that he appears to still have even after everything he has seen is admirable.

I couldn't do what you do, Jimbo.

*Warning* very shitty post on how humans treat each other...

A little 9 year old boy named Cameron died the other morning at 0441...

http://wthitv.com/2017/02/23/this-is-what-he-deserves-to-be-starved-to-death-four-arrested-in-connection-with-death-of-9-year-old-to-appear-in-court-thursday-afternoon/

They had starved this child to death, he was 9 years old and weighted 6.92 KG (15.22 pounds!)! He looked so contracted and sunken and hollowed out, with the worst looking eyes that wouldn't close.

I hadn't seen anyone that starved since we had refugee's in from Bosnia and they weren't even that bad. His foster parent's had starved him, he was 9 years old. I'm not going to go to much into detail till the case is done. It really freaked out my charge RN, she had never seen anything like this before. I ended up taking care of him the best I could even after he died, as we had to do the full Child Protective Agency and Law Enforcement death investigation. It did make me infuriated at some patients I was in charge of and holding for a bed (well more there family, many family will think we do a shitty job no matter how much you try and smile), they kept wanting shit and couldn't wait to come bug me every 15 mins. There are 4 arrests in this case now, I'm hoping they could get one or 2 more, there were 2 friends that brought the one "legal guardian mom" in and they were quite snobbish to me. Also those bastards never came into see him after he died.

I had to explain to a couple that if he caught Chlamydia, and if she had sex with him, she probably has Chlamydia too. I had to explain that he couldn't have gotten it from anything but having sex. The lady was smiling and giggling, so I wonder if she was going to use this on him big time. They were from Saudi Arabia, and she was visiting him on her break (she is going to school in California, him in Terre Haute, Indiana), and I can just imagine what she was thinking of her boyfriend screwing around. More or less she was going to use that on him big time. I had to dig out the new treatment center information as we lost Planned Parenthood in our town  :sad: , it is now some place called
http://www.wabashvalleypregnancy.com/services/ Crisis Pregnancy Center of the Wabash Valley. I mean it is cheap, and does provide the STD and Pelvic exams, but it does fuck all on birth control (besides condoms). I called it a "no kill sex center".
Still amazes me that people think you can get sexual transmitted diseases by not having sex (and no I don't want to hear about the 1 in a million way someone did, 99.9% of the time it is sticking something somewhere and getting the disease).

Then my little stripper girl comes in again, she is so sweet and cute, but God Damn it, I want to put a shock collar on her to keep her from not using a condom. She will strip in the room when I get her in there and I'm like, "OMG! Will you wait till I leave before you start taking your clothes off!?!?" I think she does it to tease me. Then we have the talk, she will say, "i think I caught something and I might be pregnant." I'm like, "did you wear a condom or get on some other birth control?" She will say, "no, I didn't use a condom and I haven't gotten my mirena IUD appointment set up yet." She has that look that she knows she fucked up. But I'm nice to her, as I think she is getting it, she knows she needs to wear a condom, she knows she needs on birth control or she will get pregnant. It is comical as the gals I work with notice the slutty ones love me. They also are amazed I handle the reproductive side and sex advice side probably the best out of all of them.

BTW, getting hit with the tasers that our officer's use will make you shit if you have a full bowels! We had some crazy assed drunk lady run from the cops, she started out 2 blocks from our hospital, drove down US 41 at high speed, turn onto a residential lane and drive down it at 90 mph! She then finally stops when they blocked the road, she then gets out of the car with a baseball bat and charges the officers! WTF! The one officer tased her and man did she shit herself. So when we got her to the hospital, we took her clothes off and cleaned her up, then her BAL was 0.349! How the hell she was out and about amazes me, but then my town has so many that abuse and use alcohol and drugs that they have tolerance built up. Oh I asked the officers how the hell she was doing 90 down that street and thank God no one was out (it was about 0200). That street has some awful railroad tracks, plus it has a school, parks, residents, etc..., so she could have hit someone if it had been earlier. The cops said she hit the tracks and went airborne, came down with sparks flying everywhere. She's lucky as hell she didn't hurt anyone or get hurt herself.

Then I had a sighting and attack of "Some Dude."
Patient came in by EMS with a wound on his left leg that was pretty deep and long, but bleeding controlled. He told us and Law Enforcement that "some dude" stabbed him in the leg when he was walking down the street at 0300. Crazy patient was treated as trauma patient like it should be, and I had to take him to CT after the surgeon and the rest of his stabilization happened (IV, stop bleeding) which happened pretty quick. He then keeps asking for Methamphetamine and Heroine and how he wants to have sex with my Charge RN, the Charge just started the IV and then made sure all the females were removed from his care (I don't mind, it defuses the situation better when they leave sometimes). Then he started jerking himself as were rolling into CT. I had to yell at him, "quit playing with it!" And then I had to go over, what is acceptable and not acceptable behavior, and that was not acceptable. So we get the CT, then as were rolling down the hall way, he flings the sheet back and starts stoking his dick! I'm like "God Damn it quit!" And cover him up. The police officer that was with him yelled at him too, then we both talked to him and said "you can make it worse where if you behave you won't be in handcuffs." I find out he was kicking and punching windows on an apartment complex and had broken a window and glass had cut his leg. Once again, "Some Dude", just like "Bigfoot", turns out to be a hoax again.

Some dude is a busy guy.

Jimbo - Save these stories.  Write a book.  Anyone thinking, even for a minute, about going into health care as a profession needs to hear this. 

Keep up the good fight and don't let them fuck with your sanity.  You're an amazing human being. 

Seriously this has to be recorded and preserved. It's the sobering look behind the facade everybody needs to have shoved in their face.

The one thing about writing a book is you really have to cover your ass for talking about people without their permission. You could get sued into oblivion if you don't get releases and/or protect the identity of the folks enough.

He could fictionalize the whole thing and it'd still be a best-seller, I bet.

Go to Netflix/HBO, they'd be all over it just for the explicit pieces in Jimbo's life and would take care of getting it fictional enough.

Thanks guys and gals, yes I've thought about it, would have to make sure I don't get my ass handed back for releasing private information.

We had a feaking insane amount of methamphetamine that was either cooked or brought in a couple of weeks ago. And the ages of people doing meth is crazy! 18 to 61! The 61 year old woman came in by cops, she had been doing some meth and masturbating, then got depressed and called the cops saying she was going to kill herself by overdosing on more meth. She ended up being our least worry-some, as she got into the gown (we strip down all suicidal and homicidal patients then put them in a gown, no you don't even get your underwear), but we let her keep her cheap sunglasses on and her phone. She then watched porn and fingered herself to sleep, we did give her a blanket, so if you didn't know what she was doing you wouldn't know, but we do have to keep the door open and the curtain open. Plus she was going to leave she said, so she got Emergency Detained. Was funny as you would walk by, and see an older woman wearing cheap sunglasses at night sleeping (eventually after she stopped). She was least of our worries, next to her was a 31 year old male who was pacing his room over and over. He had done meth too, then he decided he would kill himself. So he called the police, told them he was going to hang himself or do more meth till he dropped. He had said he had stopped drinking and smoking cigarettes, but had started using methamphetamine, he was injecting it pretty hard core daily. He had lost his job (had a good one too), his wife and kids left him, and was living in his parents garage. He kept pacing the room, he would drop his gown, then realize it was down, then put it back up. We ended up giving him quite a bit of Zyprexa to get him calmed down. Then I had the one that had been doing Methamphetamine and mixing it with synthetic THC, bastard sounded like a zombie at times, would holler, shake, kick, spit, then pass out. The Paramedic who brought him in had tried to sedate him with Ketamine and Versed, it helped, but when he tried to kick my pregnant tech and me, security had to restrain him. He was in restraints for like 4 hours! He kept fighting and biting and spiting. We were worried he would go into seizures, so we had him all wired up and padded up, but still had to keep him restrained. But finally he went to sleep and behaved pretty calm. So when I took the restraints off him, he had no idea where he was at, how he got here, or what he had done. He was from a town near Chicago, IL, which is like 3 hours away. He got admitted for meth overdose. Then we  had the 18 year old who really went nuts partying, did like 1.5 ounces (which is like 42.5 grams), he hadn't done it a lot, so was still a rookie user. Well the normal starting dose is like 0.25 grams IV, he was way over how much he should have shot up. He was thrashing, fighting, shaking, biting, kicking, screaming, and ended up going into hyperthermia & seizures. The RN taking care of him was amazed how I described to her what was going to happen, I told  her to  get ready for those two conditions and to keep yourself safe and be prepared to move him to the big rooms when it gets really out of hand. Plus there were 3 more patients that came in for meth induced anxiety that ended up getting fluids and ativan and sent home. Whoever cooked that batch must have went all out, or the dealers didn't cut it like usual. That saying, the police did raid three different labs in our surrounding counties.

We have been packed to the gills lately too. I'm not sure what is going on that so many people are coming in and wanting to be seen and we are admitting a bunch of them too. They are making me into a floor nurse, where I have to care for admitted patients, but since we don't have a bed (or RN, I'm sure it is we don't have enough RN's upstairs, as I've heard reports of open rooms, but not enough nurses). So it makes my night suck, I'm and outstanding Emergency Nurse, but I have my limits, and caring for patients for long term is something I hate and don't enjoy doing, so you as a patient get a so-so RN for your admission. I'm still nice and helpful, but it isn't my expertise, so you won't get the care a true floor nurse would give you, plus I have to run off and treat the new patients more than I'll treat you the admitted patient (just the nature of the beast, take care of the unknown and new till it is stable, then come back to the admitted patient). From what I've gathered, it is nation wide (I've even heard reports of England having problems with it too).

We lost a 2 year old child the other night. Well, he died up at the Children's Hospital in Indianapolis, but he started off in our hospital. The morning was almost done, we had gotten him and had started checking him out, he had vomiting and not drinking well and looked peaked. We then got a patient in who was in Supra Ventricular Tachcardia, it's when the heart suddenly starts beating at an insane level, her's was 225. The other RN with me had never managed one, so I let her do a lot of the kit to get her ready to slow her heart down. She was stable, so I called for back up, and the ERMD came in, and another RN came in, we got her hooked up to the defib, got her IV started, got fluids and the EKG rocking, and we gave her the first dose of adenosine. It didn't work, so we repeated it, and got her heart under control. We came out like ya! We did it, when I hear the charge RN running our 2 year old to the pedatric code room. I was like God Damnit, fate snatched one away. He had vomited and was choking, then while she was doing the heimlick, he went unresponsive, so we started CPR. I was making my way there, when one of the gals came out and yelled for me to get a small nasal/oral gastric tube. I went and got it, placed and secured it. My partner that night who had just helped the lady's heart, was now having to code this child, she was recording, I helped with compressions and airway/suctioning. The child looked like and eschemic bowel, where he had blood in his vomit and blood in his diarrhea. We ended up giving him blood and fluids and good CPR to get him back. But kids tend to die the next couple of days after a stress like that. Needless to say, lots of the RN's that helped with that code had never been in on something like that. I got thanked over and over that Me and another RN were there and kept everyone going. A couple are still having nightmares, hopefully I can keep there spirits up, as we keep reminding them, if we're not there for them, who else is going to care for them?
I'll remind them of this too:
(http://68.media.tumblr.com/d1ed31babd3461afd81d7576b9928ae6/tumblr_ond9ziyJ171skz7tyo1_500.jpg)

And I had the craziest trauma the other night. One of my friends from high school who was a little weird, was brought in. Well, he had a pet raccoon, it got loose and he was chasing it, and he ran after it onto the busy highway and got hit! He is alive, but I swear he had almost as many broken bones as Evil Kenevil. Ricky the Raccoon had gotten loose, he ran after him, not thinking, and wham! Got hit by a car. God I wanted to laugh as I would hear what happened. He looked like Marty Feldman, so people would call him "Bug Man" because his eyes would be out due to his exophthalmos. So I was like singing Rocky Raccoon by the Beatles and changing it to Ricky. Bug man lived, he is gonna have to learn to walk again after a busted pelvis and bi-lateral busted femurs and tib/fibs. I'm not sure if anyone found his pet yet either.

If you do want to do a book, one of the angles that might make it safer to write would be something like "Stories From a Meth Epidemic". You know there's all this new research about how middle-aged whites without college degrees are dying in dramatically increased numbers from drinking, opioid use, meth use, and suicide--well, you're the on-the-ground witness who is seeing what that looks like in human terms, and holy shit it is vivid, gripping stuff.

Still no idea how you do it. I suspect you're having to beat off women with a stick as the only rational explanation as to how you get through this charnel house of misery every week. Thanks for being you.

Agreed. I don't know how people operate in this business. In addition to my blast injuries seminar I unfortunately had to sit through the other day, today I got to hear stories about how people's bodies interact with chain link fences at high speed.  Even just hearing about/seeing photos of this shit is starting to give me quasi-PTSD.  No idea how people deal with this shit day in and day out.  I hope Jimbo has a good support system in case things get tough for him as I've seen really strong types go south after some particularly gnarly shit.

I agree as well.  I spent two years working in a pediatric BMT unit and often helped in the Peds burn unit.  Two years was enough to chase me deep into research and away from humanity.

Thanks for doing what you do, Jimbo.  You are appreciated!

Wow. How do you handle all that?

Doesn't Jimbo deal with it with strippers or divorced MILFs or something similar?

Don't think it would be worth it, or would help much.

My notebook is getting full, have a vacation coming up where I need to write some things up!

Sex, booze, rock and roll is how I wish I deal with it, but working out, video games, cooking, and friends help more (and yes wild women sometimes).

While we wait, this fits into this thread. A youtuber in England stuck his head in a microwave (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2017/12/09/youtuber-discovers-that-cementing-your-head-into-a-microwave-is-a-bad-idea/?utm_term=.0ea4c2244110), then his friends squirted foam insulation inside.  He was stuck like that for about an hour and a half, then his friends called 999 (England's 911), and it took paramedics another hour to get him out. And its all captured on camera

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iY8gvu6h2Hc

"Tell you?" said Charles Darwin, his voice growing suddenly shriller. "Tell you what is written on that very Table of Stone which stands beside us? Tell you what is written in letters deep as a spear is long on the firestones on the Secret Hill? Tell you what is engraved on the sceptre of the Emperor-beyond-the-Sea? You at least know the Science which the Emperor put into England at the very beginning. You know that every traitor belongs to me as my lawful prey and that for every treachery I have a right to a kill...that human creature is mine. His life is forfeit to me. His blood is my property..."

"It is very true," said the Fire Department, "I do not deny it...Fall back, all of you," said the Fire Department, "and I will talk to Charles Darwin alone..."

I mean, what the fuck is your BEST CASE SCENARIO in that? Some things just aren't worth proving, one's stupidity being the foremost.

Best case is he gets a lot of attention to his channel, which seams to have succeeded.

In other news a Nurse I know told me a guy was in today who injected Heroin into his Dialysis machine.  :pedobear:

I could think of another best case scenario happening there....

Loved your imaginative missive Khaldun!

For some reason, I knew who it would be and I don't even follow channels like these or even subscribe to them. Unless it's all fake, the next few deaths are only a matter of time.

If I remember correctly some poor girl shot her boyfriend in the chest with a Desert Eagle .50 cal for a youtube video.
Somehow he thought a thick book would be enough to protect him.

edit: Oh yeah. This was the story (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/06/29/he-thought-a-book-would-stop-a-bullet-and-make-him-a-youtube-star-now-hes-dead/?utm_term=.b301d2e0202b)

Not as great as Jimbo's, but still enough I thought a couple of ya might enjoy.

One of our customers gets brought in on a hook. Expedition won't run. Engine cranks just fine. Battery is a touch low, probably from doofus tryin to start it repeatedly. Seems to have spark and it's a chain car, so everything is probably rotating in relation. Fuel gauge reads empty, but we've been assured that it started reading low a week ago. K. Put in two gallons of gas, and after priming the system a bit, it runs. Holy shit. Who knew internal combustion engines still required fuel to operate. Dude requests new fuel pump to be safe, since he probably cooked the brushes on this one. Install and return to customer. Yay. Two days later get a call that his interior door handle broke, and he needs to schedule that up. Here's the icing. He tells us he was locked in his truck at Safeway. Locked. In his truck. Because the door handle broke. Had to wait until someone walking by let him out. "Why didn't you just roll down the window, and use the outer handle?" I smell smoke.

Second case is actually really sad. Local car dealer who is normally pretty decent, sells car to old gal. Before she takes delivery, the Check Engine light comes on, so he drops it off for us to diagnose. We scan and find it's running max rich limit indicating a pretty massive vacuum leak. After a couple seconds of pokin about, I hear a whoosh when the brake is pushed. Booster is shot. So we replace that and the master cylinder. The new owner has her friend bring her down to pick up the car, and from the first second I talk to her, it's obvious she shouldn't be driving. She's quite old, and literally has no idea where she is. She thinks we're the dealership, and has a lot of trouble stringing words together. Nothing we can do but hand her the keys. Two days after that, I'm at the gas station, and I see this old gal walking around with her keys in her hand. She has lost her car. She has no clue where it is. She asks one of the local homeless if he can help her find it. They circle the block twice that I saw lookin for it. Pretty sad. Can't believe no one has takin the keys from her awhile ago. Gonna get someone killed.

Holy Shit!

Well, took the plunge, and became a Travel RN. Still work in the Emergency Department. Went to Gallup, New Mexico, and I work for Indian Health Services (IHS), which means I'm back working for the Government (until July 27th, then I'll head to another assignment somewhere). I've replaced the Methamphetamine with Alcohol. Never have seen so many drunks that should be dead, but live to drink another day.

Had one guy the other day, was so freaking pissed he was 0.600 blood alcohol level. He seemed like it would take a bunch of hours for him to sleep it off. We usually give them fluids and oxygen and let them sleep till they wake up, give them some food and drink, and send them to a place called detox (where they stay for 1 to 3 days depending how many times they have been there in a week). Anyway, we took his wet clothes off (he had passed out under a bush and was wet and cold and intoxicated), got him hooked up to some IV fluids, and got him warmed up. In about 2 hours we heard him pissing on the floor! Not just an easy pee, but a huge waterfall of a pee where it was like a waterfall unleashed. I was throwing blankets like it was an oil spill trying to keep the pee from going everywhere. So he was up and eating and going to detox quicker than we thought.

We had one helluva a MCI (mass casualty incident) https://www.krqe.com/news/new-mexico/crash-closes-i-40-westbound-east-of-grants/1407268598
The news still didn't get it right, they had some flown from the scene to Albuquerque (12 to UNM), 47 to us (were only a level 3 trauma center) 46 lived, the 1 died three days later at UNM, the hospital across the street got 3 which turned into 5 (she gave birth to twins). Was fast as lighting, as I was on mid-shift and arrived right when it kicked off. We were done by 7pm, so 6 hours to process and treat everything from dire emergencies to walking wounded. We tend to get lots of wrecks on Interstate 40.
Right after Christmas at 0115 (I was supposed to go home at 0130) we had a semi hit 3 cars. We got 8 patients from that pile up and the hospital across the street got the semi driver. We were to get 8 but incident command forgot to tell us that 1 patient declined treatment so only 7 were coming to us. It makes it interesting when were looking for another pt, doing head counts, then one of the EMS crews pops up and says, "oh yea, I think the 8th isn't coming."

We also had "The night of the Machete!" It was about 2000 hrs on a Thursday night, payday weekend, and people were out and about in downtown Gallup getting there drink on, when we got the first victim. He was drunk, but he said this dude ran up waving a machete and bottle of booze and hacked at him. The patient had a wound on his left forearm, defensive in nature, and it was bad enough we had to send him to surgery to repair it. He kept telling the police he had no idea who this guy with the machete was, or why he wacked him with it. Next we get another gal who had been hit in the head and shoulder with a machete! She was lucky as they weren't deep wounds. Oh yes, once again she was drinking and so was the dude with the machete. Next victim was a guy who got stabbed in the back by a machete. He had to get a chest tube and be admitted. Then in came the guy who was the MACHETE! He had been drinking and running around down town Gallup stabbing and slashing people with his machete, till someone took it away from him, and then beat him with it. The used the handle to head bash him, then stabbed him in the shoulder. Cops took him away. So a random Thursday night, like right after Christmas, some guy goes on a rampage (it was a warm night too).

More to come...been a while and having to sort threw my notebook.

Entertaining as always, man.  More!

Gallup will forever be a total shithole.