f13.net

Frontpage threads started by Shockeye: 8!
Frontpage threads started by Arc. 8!
... counting one fake Al Jaaezera story and one about how Shockeye starts a lot of silly threads... or something.

[I'll pit all of my threads from yesterday against all of the threads by Shockeye, and make it a retirement match - loser leaves the site. Let me know who won.

OH TEH DRAMA!

:P

Channel Five felt the wrath of outraged viewers from complaints about the reality show The Farm.

Shocked and disgusted viewers hurled a string of complaints to both Channel 5 and OfCom over graphic scenes of Rebecca Loos and her treatment of a Pig.

Some complainants even branded it not less than beastiality.

You had to remind us that reality TV really sucks ass, didn't you?

In one of its more delicate rulings of recent years, the British television watchdog has ruled that a pig sexually pleasured on television by a minor celebrity did not feel degraded by the experience.

Dozens of viewers complained about the episode in so-called reality television show The Farm, in which a series of celebrities were sent to do tough work with agricultural crops and animals.

The audience were treated to the sight of Rebecca Loos, the self-proclaimed ex-lover of England football captain David Beckham, stimulating the boar for 10 minutes to produce a flask of semen.

Many viewers complained to the government's Office of Communications (Ofcom) that this was "akin to bestiality", while a leading animal charity condemned the scenes as "morbid and sordid".

In a ruling released on Monday, Ofcom cleared broadcaster Channel Five of breaching decency standards, saying the procedure was perfectly normal.

"The task performed by Rebecca Loos is one that occurs regularly on UK farms. It was properly supervised by a qualified veterinary surgeon and was carried out for a genuine purpose, to artificially inseminate the pigs on the 'celebrity farm'," the ruling said.

"We don't believe that the scene was degrading or harmful to the boar."

U.S. Rep. Mark Foley, concerned about a proposed labor center for illegal immigrants on the Atlantic Coast, sent a memo to reporters on Dec. 22 that may have stirred fears of UFOs.

"Foley urges Jupiter to reconsider alien labor center," read the subject line of the e-mailed memo.

Foley, whose district stretches from Palm Beach County to Charlotte County, sent the memo to express his displeasure with the town of Jupiter's proposal to open a labor resource center for undocumented foreign immigrants.

The text of his memo may have given some the wrong impression.

"These aliens have not only broken the law by residing in the United States without proper authorization, but they have put an enormous strain on both our economy and our health-care system, and pose a national security threat," the memo continued.

A spokesman in Foley's office said the congressman hasn't received a response from officials of Jupiter (the town or the planet).

And here's Tom showing off his Glorious Hero of the Scientology Revolution to Save the Planet medal as he holds hands with his personal idol, Commander David Miscavige. In his acceptance speech, Cruise said of Miscavige: "I have never met a more competent, intelligent, tolerant, compassionate being, outside of what I have experienced from LRH." [Plus, he's shorter than me! -- Ed.]

Kidman has no problem with fans staring at her naked

World Entertainment News Network
Posted December 29 2004

Hollywood beauty Nicole Kidman has no problem with fans ogling her naked form on the Internet because it's human nature to enjoy nudity.

When Kidman's movie Birth is released on DVD in the coming months, still images of a graphic sex scene involving the 37-year-old will soon be plastered online.

And open-minded Kidman doesn't mind in the slightest.

"Why the shock with nudity? We're all naked at some point in the day," she said. "If someone gets a thrill from the movie and the scenes then so be it."

This is an old thread.  Arc has not been seen for some time, not since he started his new Chik-Fil-A franchise.  Let this be a lesson to all of who are tempted to dabble in the Black Art of Fast Food.
Bruce

Lesson about what? You won't have as much time to post on a messageboard?

Given some of the personal issues Arc was facing before he made this change, it's not exactly like posting was anywhere to be found on his list of priorities. And I don't blame him.

It's a joke, sonny. Lighten up.

Keep it up.  Sooner or later they'll figure out I was never the one fagging up the threads.

HARARE, Zimbabwe - A man allegedly bit off and swallowed another man's finger during a bar brawl, court officials said Thursday.
   
Alex Nyarubakora, 39, appeared in court in the town of Chitungwiza, 15 miles south of Harare, on Wednesday charged with assault with intent to cause grievous bodily harm.

Prosecutor Isau Janhi said Nyarubakora was arguing with his wife in a bar last week when he became angry at a second man's attempts to intercede.

After the two men began fighting, Nyarubakora is accused of biting off his opponent's finger, chewing and swallowing it. No remains of the finger were found by police at the scene, Janhi said.

Nyarubakora was freed on bail to reappear on court on Jan. 14. He faces the penalty of a fine or imprisonment.

DALLAS - A 21-year-old man bit off a co-worker's ear after an argument over money, police said.

Doctors were able to reattach Anthony Tran's ear, police said. Co-worker Ray Leon Jefferson was in Dallas County jail Wednesday on $25,000 bail facing an aggravated robbery charge

The dispute began Tuesday night at a plant of Strategic Partners, a distributor of medical uniforms. According to police, Jefferson asked Tran, 21, for change for a $100 bill. Tran pulled a $20 bill and a $50 bill from his wallet. Jefferson took both bills, the police report said.

After telling Jefferson to return the money, police said, Tran held a pen to Jefferson's stomach. A scuffle ensued, and Tran's ear was bitten off, the police report said.

BALDWIN, N.Y. - Two Long Island women who sold hot dogs and sodas from a truck were arrested on charges that their menu also featured sexual acts in exchange for money.
   
Catherina Scalia, 38, and Rose Skorge, 34, were arrested Wednesday afternoon after they "offered and agreed to engage in sexual conduct with others in return for a fee" at their hot dog stand, which was parked at Sunrise Highway and Rockwood Avenue, Nassau County police said in a news release.

Scalia offered to expose her breasts to an undercover officer who was buying a hot dog and Skorge offered him oral sex in exchange for money, Deputy Inspector Rick Capece, commanding officer of the Narcotics/Vice Squad, told Newsday for its Thursday editions. The women also gave the officer a card for a stripper business, Capece said.

Police started watching the truck more than a week ago after receiving a tip, he said.

Scalia and Skorge were charged with prostitution and were released on desk appearance tickets. They were scheduled to return to court on Jan. 10.

A message left at a telephone number listed for Scalia was not immediately returned. There was no listing for a Rose Skorge.

MINOT, North Dakota (AP) -- Thirty-six children were injured in a sledding accident during an all-night New Year's Eve party hosted by a religious organization.

Three of the children were hospitalized, but all were in stable condition Saturday, hospital officials said. The others were treated and released.

Police Sgt. Winston Black said more than 100 children ages 12 to 19 attending a Youth for Christ event gathered at a high school around 4 a.m. to slide down a hill using sleds built out of cardboard boxes.

A sign posted on the hill prohibited sledding.

The children and Youth for Christ staff piled eight to 12 passengers on the sleds, then went down the hill in quick succession, Black said. "The sleds struck rocks, a light pole and each other," he said.

Black said he did not know if the organization had permission to use the hill. Police were investigating.

There was no immediate response to a call seeking comment from Youth for Christ headquarters on Saturday.

By JONATHAN WEINBERG

HAPPY New Rear!

2004 is at an end so what better way to celebrate than to see the back of some gorgeous celebrities.

These stunners have all had a great year and they're bound to have even more success in 2005.

But can you guess who they are?

We've been a bit cheeky and we're only showing you a snapshot of their bum along with a little clue to their identity.

So take your turn in guessing and find out if you're right by clicking each rear for a great phew of the saucy siren in all her glory.

And make sure you stick with The Sun Online throughout the coming months for all the best showbiz gossip and sexy pictures.

In 2005, thongs can only get better!

God, I hate the Sun.

You make me titter with outrage.

HILLSBORO, Ore. - Nearly every day, Larry Park rises early and drives the Pacific Northwest looking for earthquakes.

In the bed of his beige pickup, the computer expert has installed a rotating 3-foot (1-meter) disc that he says picks up certain vibrations that telegraph impending quakes around the world — temblors that conventional seismographs cannot measure.

This week, he said his data indicated another Big One brewing beneath the same area of south Asia where an earthquake unleashed tsunamis last weekend that killed more than 100,000 people.

He warned the governments of India, Indonesia and Australia. India, fearing another tsunami, took him seriously enough to issue a public warning. Tens of thousands of Indians fled their coastal homes in panic Thursday, but no quake or giant waves materialized.

Authorities now are chagrined they acted on the advice, since Park is not a geologist. The Indian science minister later dismissed Park’s prediction as “hogwash,” and one American scientist called it “gobbledygook.”

Grand Island standoff ends in suicide by chain saw

A Grand Island man killed himself with a chain saw Wednesday after a seven-hour standoff with police and state troopers, authorities said.
   
Paul E. Smidt Jr.
 
Paul E. Smidt Jr., 40, died after police tried to arrest him on a federal warrant, said Deb Collins, a spokeswoman for the Nebraska State Patrol.

The incident, the second recent standoff involving Smidt, began about 5 p.m. Tuesday at his Grand Island business, Smidt Lawn Care.

Police went there to serve Smidt a federal warrant for being a felon in possession of a firearm, Collins said.

Smidt refused access to the business and barricaded himself inside.

A 10-person SWAT team from the State Patrol was called in to assist, she said. The State Patrol also sent two negotiators, traffic units and commanders for a total of 18 people. Collins didn't know how many Grand Island police officers were present.

Negotiations with Smidt continued until after midnight, she said, when officers got into the building.

Smidt, carrying a chain saw, barricaded himself in a bathroom at the back of the business. Officers got into the bathroom and ordered Smidt to drop the chain saw.

When he refused, an officer fired a nonlethal "beanbag" round, striking Smidt, Collins said.

Smidt then lowered his neck onto the chain saw, taking his own life, she said. "He did not stumble or fall on the chain saw," she said.

Collins declined to name the officer who fired at Smidt. All of the officers involved were on duty Wednesday and underwent a stress debriefing, she said.

Beanbag rounds are 1 to 11/2 inches square and are fired from a 12-gauge shotgun, said State Patrol Capt. Fred Ruiz.

Most people would bruise if hit with a beanbag round, Ruiz said, but it usually doesn't penetrate the skin and typically isn't forceful enough to knock someone down.

The major effect, he said, is of stunning the person who is fired upon.

Smidt had recently been involved in a standoff at the Grand Island home of his estranged wife. Police were called there Oct. 29 after Smidt had threatened to kill her.

Smidt, armed with a shotgun, confronted Lois Smidt shortly after she arrived home at 5 o'clock that night, police said. He grabbed her and ordered her to the basement, threatening to kill her if she didn't comply.

He released Lois Smidt after a few minutes but stayed inside the house. The Grand Island-Hall County SWAT team arrived about 6 p.m., and the State Patrol SWAT team about 7:30 p.m.

Officers obtained an arrest warrant and entered the home about 2 a.m. Police said Smidt fired one shot during the standoff. No one was injured.

A woman who answered the phone at Smidt's house Wednesday directed questions to Grand Island lawyer Bill Kelly.

Kelly said he had visited Smidt's family and that they were grief-stricken.

He said they had a lot of questions, but information cannot be disclosed because of a pending grand jury investigation.

Kelly said he didn't know about the arrest warrant being served Tuesday until after his client was dead.

Smidt was awaiting trial in Hall County District Court on charges connected to the earlier standoff, including burglary, first-degree false imprisonment, making terroristic threats, being a felon in possession of a firearm, violating a protection order and stalking, according to court records.

He was out on bail, the records say.

Smidt served 14 months in prison in 1986 and 1987 for a theft conviction in Buffalo County. He did not have a history of violence, Kelly said.

"I thought he was a very cooperative client and enjoyed working with him immensely," he said. "In my dealings with him, he was a fine individual."

Kelly said Smidt had given no indication that he wanted to end his life.

Smidt had two or three children, Kelly said, and was in the process of getting divorced. His wife could not be reached for comment.

A special prosecutor will be named and a grand jury will investigate Smidt's death. State law requires that a grand jury be convened any time a person dies in police custody or while being apprehended.

Smidt then lowered his neck onto the chain saw, taking his own life, she said. "He did not stumble or fall on the chain saw," she said.

"He did not stumble or fall on the chain saw," she said

Smidt was awaiting trial in Hall County District Court on charges connected to the earlier standoff, including burglary, first-degree false imprisonment, making terroristic threats, being a felon in possession of a firearm, violating a protection order and stalking, according to court records.

What kind of moron locks himself in a bathroom with a chainsaw to hold off police? The kind of moron who doesn't have a gun handy.

For an example go look at the Whole Ten Yards, Big Trouble, and Catch Me if you Can. Which one turned out to be a good movie?

Put the bunneh, down.

DOTHAN, Ala. -- There's a potty prankster on the loose in Dothan (DOH'-thun), Alabama.

Since November, someone has tipped over about 50 portable toilets. The last two were tipped over the weekend.

Police are vowing to catch the culprit. Officers are keeping an eye on building construction sites, and they're considering setting up a sting operation.

Police suspect a group of people may be responsible, since a portable toilet can weigh up to 400 pounds.

The owner of Portable Toilet Services says each damaged toilet costs at least 150 dollars in time, energy and repairs, plus the drain on police resources.

The company is offering a reward for information leading to an arrest.

Britney quits pop music to become a forensic scientist

January 4, 2005, 12:55:25

Britney Spears is reportedly set to quit pop music - to become a forensic scientist.

The sexy star has allegedly told friends she is considering swapping her singing career for student life and enrolling at university to study for a degree after being motivated by a TV series.

A source told Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper: "It sounds ridiculous but she's been inspired by TV's 'Crime Scene Investigation', which shows scientists solving crimes. "Brit has been growing tired of all the media attention and is thinking about taking a break from it all.

Insiders have revealed that the 23-year-old star, who launched her music career aged just 16, has even consulted 'Star Wars' beauty Natalie Portman - who graduated from prestigious Harvard University two years ago after studying psychology - about her plans to return to education.

And friends claim the pop babe's second husband, Kevin Federline, who she wed in a surprise ceremony last year, is also backing her decision.

The source added: "She's taking this university idea quite seriously." "She's happy with Kev and he'd support her in anything she wants to do. If she decides she wants to study then he'd be fine with that."

January 4, 2005 --

NBA resident loudmouth Charles Barkley is letting his pen do the talking. The former All-Star forward, who's known for his outrageous off-the-cuff declarations, has a book due in May titled, "Why Do White People Hate Me?" The folks at Penguin have yet to see Barkley's manuscript, but assure us he's trying to get to the bottom of the Caucasian conspiracy against him by interviewing the likes of Maya Angelou, Magic Johnson, Barack Obama, Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton.

Britney watches too much CSI. (http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/celebrity/19922004.htm)

Sir Charles just wants to be loved. (http://www.nypost.com/gossip/37591.htm) Don't you love Charles?

Scary.   (http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/050102/482/wxs30101022334&e=6)

You think being worth a billion dollars would make them look less like a pair of undead models.

(http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20050102/capt.wxs30101022334.people_olson_stamos_wxs301.jpg)

Scary.   (http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/050102/482/wxs30101022334&e=6)

You think being worth a billion dollars would make them look less like a pair of undead models.

(http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20050102/capt.wxs30101022334.people_olson_stamos_wxs301.jpg)

You think being worth a billion dollars would make them look less like a pair of undead models.

What's next? Sig pics?

I Dream of Jeannie (2006)

Directed by
Gurinder Chadha

Writing credits
Cormac Wibberley
Marianne Wibberley

Credited cast:
Lindsay Lohan

destroys his chance at the presidency

Coming soon to a theatre near you! (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0415863/)

Insiders have revealed that the 23-year-old star, who launched her music career aged just 16, has even consulted 'Star Wars' beauty Natalie Portman - who graduated from prestigious Harvard University two years ago after studying psychology - about her plans to return to education.

School Emergency Policy: Leave Wheelchair-Bound Kids Behind

POSTED: 5:55 am EST January 5, 2005
UPDATED: 10:00 am EST January 5, 2005

WESTMINSTER, Md. -- When a Carroll County, Md., high school had an emergency evacuation, everyone got out except for two students who were confined to wheelchairs.

They were abandoned in the stairwell on the second floor.

WBAL-TV in Baltimore said there is a policy at Westminster High School for what to do with the two students in wheelchairs in case of a fire. The policy said because their classrooms are on the second floor, teachers are to lead them to the second-floor stairwell and leave them there and wait for the fire crews to come to their rescue while everyone else evacuates.

I'd like to think that in an actual emergency there would be at least 4 non-jackasses who would carry the handicapped kids down.

Scarlett Johnasson calls her breasts 'girls'!
January 5, 2005, 11:37:39

Scarlett Johnasson loves her breasts. which she calls 'girls'.

The stunning actress says she is very proud of her assets as they make her feel very womanly.

She said: "I'm proud of my girls. They're my charms, my feminine wiles."

However, the 20-year-old beauty says she's not entirely happy with her looks, especially her face.

She said: "Sometimes I'm not comfortable with my face but it's stuck there and there's nothing I can do about it.

Scarlett, who has an on/off relationship with Hollywood heartthrob Jared Leto, recently admitted she will have plastic surgery when she gets older to keep her looking young.

She confessed: "I definitely believe in plastic surgery. I don't want to be an old hag. There's no fun in that."

That's probably pretty standard if the emergency is a fire, since the first rule of fires is DON'T USE THE FUCKING ELEVATORS (I have no idea why, but by God it's beaten into my head) and the elevators are how you get around if you're in a wheelchair.  I'd like to think that in an actual emergency there would be at least 4 non-jackasses who would carry the handicapped kids down.

Justice is Supreme, but not on jury

By Gina Holland, Associated Press  |  January 5, 2005

No one took notice of the tall, slim man who appeared yesterday for jury duty in Marlborough. Had he worn his black robe, Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer no doubt would have drawn more attention.

Even District Court Judge Thomas Sullivan Jr. didn't recognize Breyer until he read the justice's name on a document listing potential jurors. "When I looked at the slip, I said, 'Oh, my God,' " Sullivan said.

Two cases were to be heard, one for drunken driving and another for assault. Enough jurors were picked for the assault case before Breyer's name was called, and the defense attorney in the drunken driving case excluded the justice from that jury.

Breyer, 66, said he felt it was important to do his civic duty. "It proves that everyone can participate," Breyer said.

Chances are, most of them would be afraid of dropping the kid and getting sued.

wondering what the fuck the 'blonde' bimbette in front of her was thinking even trying to apply for college, much less a scientific persuit.  

Scarlett Johansson is very proud of her... girls. (http://forums.f13.net/posting.php?mode=reply&t=968)


Yes I'm aware they spelled her name wrong. Don't let that distract you from her girls.

I-80 crash claims UNL student's life
BY BUTCH MABIN / Lincoln Journal Star
Derek Kieper was a smart, funny, intense young man who relished a good debate and would do anything for his friends.

Kieper, a 21-year-old senior at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, died early Tuesday morning when the Ford Explorer he was a passenger in travelled off an icy section of Interstate 80 and rolled several times in a ditch. Kieper, who was riding in the back seat of the Explorer, was ejected from the vehicle.
...
Derek, who was thrown from the vehicle, was not wearing a seat belt, Lefler said. He said Havermann and Uphoff were wearing seat belts at the time.

In a column written for the Daily Nebraskan in September, Derek attacked seat belt laws as intrusions on individual liberties and expensive to enforce.

"It is my choice what type of safety precautions I take," he wrote.

"There seems to be a die-hard group of non-wearers out there who simply do not wish to buckle up no matter what the government does. I belong to this group."

Erica Rogers, opinion page editor at the Daily Nebraskan, said Derek's brains and intensity would be missed. Kieper and Rogers had lively political debates, she said.

Erica Rogers, opinion page editor at the Daily Nebraskan, said Derek's brains and intensity would be missed.

Because we can't trust people to not be jackasses.

That's probably pretty standard if the emergency is a fire, since the first rule of fires is DON'T USE THE FUCKING ELEVATORS (I have no idea why, but by God it's beaten into my head) and the elevators are how you get around if you're in a wheelchair.  I'd like to think that in an actual emergency there would be at least 4 non-jackasses who would carry the handicapped kids down.

Forensic experts are hardly scientists. They are trained in scientific procedures, but calling them scientists is like calling a sonogram technician a med student. Forensics is all about asking if A matches B, C or D and knowing which devices to use and how to use it. Would you be surprised if Britney wanted to go to dental hygiene school? It is much closer to that that you might think. They are both about procedure, not judgement.

Fitness celebrity and television personality, John Basedow still missing in Phuket, Thailand – feared deceased.

(PRLEAP.COM) Fitness celebrity and television personality, John Basedow has been missing in Phuket, Thailand since the deadly Tsunami devastated the area where he was vacationing on Sunday, December 26th, 2004. Best know for his fitness video commercials, John Basedow has long been a part of the fitness community and has appeared in many health and fitness periodicals and television programs.

John Basedow was vacationing in Phuket, Thailand when the Tsunami hit and has not made contact with his Public Relations Agent, Paquita Jean-Charles as expected. An avid body surfer and volleyball player, Mr. Basedow routinely travels to Phuket, Thailand for vacation during the winter holidays. The last communication with Mr. Basedow was on Christmas day. Since the Tsunami atrocity his whereabouts have been unknown. He has not contacted friends, family or business associates via telephone or e-mail. Phone calls to the Patong Beach Hotel, where Mr. Basedow was staying have not led to any additional information. Local hospital records have not reported him as a patient.

“We are hoping for the best.” Says Public Relations Agent, Paquita Jean-Charles. “If John is capable he would be helping all those he can. We can only hope that that’s what he has been doing and why he has not contacted us.”

In addition to his best selling fitness video series, Mr. Basedow has also been featured in a number of health and fitness related periodicals including Exercise for Men, Men's Exercise, Natural Muscle Magazine, MuscleZine, New Living, and LI Voices.

Manta Communications, the company that produces and distributes the John Basedow video series is seeking any additional information. The United States State Department and the Royal Thai Government Foreign Ministry has been contacted but unfortunately are unable to provide any additional information as to Mr. Basedow’s whereabouts. Any information or questions should be directed to Paquita Jean-Charles at mantafit@safe-mail.net.

Good day:

Mr. Nixon just called from the bank and told me that they can
decrease your m o rtg age payment by 2%. It will take no
p a perwork, so just go here and we will take care of the rest.

Thank you

Eliseo D. Rucker
US Department

John Basedow

SIERRA VISTA - Two Bisbee residents are scheduled to appear in court on Jan. 18 for having more than two chickens.
 
No residence can have more than two animals of a certain species, according to the city's herd rule.
 
Mayor Ron Oertle had intended to have the Bisbee Planning and Zoning Commission redefine the herd rule.
 
But the commission meets Jan. 20, two days after Bill Elliott and Jeff Harris are scheduled to appear in court.

THE NOAH PLAN
A million years have come and gone.
The Earth is shifting towards the sun.
Synthetic atmosphere is lost,
And forces the computers off.
Communications are confused.
The tides reverse and start a chain reaction...

The seismograph prints out
incredible results.
It says we're losing all control.
We're losing all control.

The scientists around the world
decipher everything they're told,
but they don't really know.
They don't really know.

Instead of systematic,
the news becomes erratic.
No one can agree.
No one can agree.

The world is getting frantic
as people start a panic,
What does all this mean?

The sun is moving closer
and the atmosphere gets hotter
as the system overloads.
System overloads.

Fighting these adverse condition,
loading for the expedition,
Everyone must go.
Everyone must go.

The fools that think the worst is over
they won't live to be much older.
Why do they remain?
Why do they remain?

Everything is ready.
Everyone that's coming
has been safely brought on board...

The time has come
to leave again.
Activate the Noah Plan.
Returning to
the universe.
Give out the word:
Abandon Earth.

Magnetic fields surrounding us,
and pounding is increasing
as the ship is taking off.
Ship is taking off.

The electronic shields
protect us from the heat.
We're slowly breaking loose.
We're slowly breaking loose.

The ship is lifting higher,
the Earth is growing smaller
as we leave the atmosphere.
Leave the atmosphere.

We watch the Earth get closer,
getting closer, getting closer
as it drifts into the sun...

The time has come
to leave again.
Activate the Noah Plan.
Returning to
the universe.
Give out the word:
Abandon Earth.

The time has come
to leave again.
Activate the Noah Plan.
Returning to
the universe.
Give out the word:
Abandon Earth.

The time has come
to leave again.
Activate the Noah Plan.
Returning to
the universe.
Give out the word:
Abandon Earth.

Being somebody that works in a public school, especially in southern California, I know finding 4 non-jackasses is a tall order.

Chances are, most of them would be afraid of dropping the kid and getting sued.

Being somebody that works in a public school, especially in southern California, I know finding 4 non-jackasses is a tall order.

Chances are, most of them would be afraid of dropping the kid and getting sued.

Sex and the single pizza?
 
Colin Farrell says that paying for sex is like having food delivered. And he means it in a positive way.

“It’s like ordering a pizza. Someone comes around, you spend an hour, you have a smoke with them afterwards,” the Irish bad boy star told Britain’s B Magazine. “I’ve never been with a prostitute I haven’t been completely polite to and treated like a human being.”

Farrell, it would seem, has a bit of a problem with commitment. “Girl trouble for me is when you fall in love — that’s [bleeping] girl trouble,” he said. “If you have a bad lay, that’s not girl trouble.”

Wow, nice work Colin. Proclaiming love as girl trouble. He's still single ladies, line up now.


The sad part is that they will.

Someone should invent a sarcastic font.

Paris Hilton Not Welcome In Jersey Middle School

UPDATED: 3:20 PM EST January 6, 2005

BUENA BOROUGH, N.J. -- Parents in an Atlantic County, N.J., community say Paris Hilton has no place in their classrooms.

They are upset that the hotel heiress may tape a segment of her reality show, "The Simple Life," at Cleary Junior High School.

Officials say the possibility of the show coming to the school is still in the talking stage and nothing has been agreed upon. But some parents who have children at Cleary are furious and say that under no circumstances do they want any part of Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie. Hilton has appeared in at least two sex tapes that have appeared online.

"I think it's crazy," said Linda Burch, a parent.

"I'm hurt. I'm disgusted," said Cecilia Bachinsky, a grandmother of one of the students.

"One word -- livid," said John Krokos, a student's uncle.

Parents and other angry residents have started a grassroots effort to keep "The Simple Life" away from Cleary Junior High School.

"I think it's a very detrimental thing happening to our children," Bachinsky said.
 
"I can say there's probably a possibility, but we don't know anything definite. That's why I really can't comment," said Tom Kearny, the school district's business administrator.

Officially, administrators with the Buena Regional School District will confirm very little, but sources say the district was approached by people connected with "The Simple Life" last month about the possibility of a segment starring the often provacatively-dressed Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie being recorded at the school.

"It's like selling your soul. Selling your children to the devil," Bachinsky said.

The Fox series features the wealthy young women traveling the country, immersing themselves in the lives of more simple folk.

The parents, who complained that the school district has kept them in the dark, said that a visit to the school would be highly inappropriate and would have nothing to do with learning.

"I just don't feel that our children, our community, should be made a joke of," said Sue Barber, a parent and a township committe member.

Barber said that a crew from the show even came to one her son's classes recently without her knowing.

Philadelphia television station WCAU's calls to the Fox network for comment were not returned. There should be plenty of comments made at the next school board meeting on Tuesday night.

Jerry Springer Opera, featuring 'gay Jesus', sparks record 5,500 complaints

LONDON, Jan 6 (AFP) - Plans to broadcast a London musical that features a nappy-wearing Jesus who admits he is "a bit gay", have sparked a record 5,500 complaints, a television watchdog said Thursday.

The BBC nevertheless vowed to go ahead with its plan to show "Jerry Springer The Opera", based on the controversial US talk show and which is still playing to packed houses in the West End of London.

The opera contains a total of 3,168 "f"-words and 297 "c"-words. The expletive-laden songs include Pregnant By A Transsexual and Here Come The Hookers.

British media regulator Ofcom said it had received 5,500 complaints about the plan to broadcast the show, which is due to be screened on Saturday as the centrepiece of Jerry Springer Night on BBC2.

That figure is three times as many as the previous record holder, Martin Scorsese's film "The Last Temptation of Christ," which sparked 1,554 complaints when it was shown on television here in 1995, it said.

The BBC added that it has received more than 15,000 calls from viewers concerned about the programme.

But the National Secular Society urged the national broadcaster to stand firm against "religious bullies".

"This organised attack is the latest of a series of attempts by religious interests to control what we can see or say in this country," said the group's vice-president Terry Sanderson.

The furore follows a Sikh protest in Birmingham over the staging of a controversial play "Behzti" (Dishonour), which depicts murder and rape in a fictional Sikh temple.

Violent protests led the Birmingham Repertory Theatre to cancel the prdouction.

01/06/2005 18:34 GMT - AFP

The whole American Puritanical 'sex is bad mmmkay?' but violence is just fine hypocrisy makes me fucking crazy.

MC HAMMER TO MARRY MOTLEY CRUE NEIL

Rap star MC HAMMER is set to officiate at the wedding of MOTLEY CRUE frontman VINCE NEIL on Sunday (09JAN05).

The GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS rocker, 43, and the PRAY rapper, 42, struck up an unlikely friendship during the first series of VH1 reality TV show THE SURREAL LIFE in 2002.

Neil gets on so well with 80s star Hammer - real name STANLEY KIRK BURRELL - he has asked him to conduct the ceremony to girlfriend LIA GERARDINI in Las Vegas, Nevada.

MC Hammer was ordained as a minister last year (04).
06/01/2005 17:55

Police: Hooker Turned In John After Seeing Child Porn At His Home

POSTED: 6:07 pm EST January 6, 2005

HOLLYWOOD , Fla. -- A hooker turned in a customer after seeing child pornography, including a video of an apparent toddler rape, on the man's home computer, police said Thursday.

Detective Carlos Negron said police were contacted by the woman two days ago, saying that while at the man's apartment working as a prostitute she saw numerous pictures of children who appeared to be between the ages of 3 and 16 performing sex.

The woman told police that it was a disturbing video that showed the rape of a younger child, perhaps no older than 2, that caused her to make the call after she left the apartment, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported.

Negron said Federico Eduardo Amezaga, 29, let investigators search his apartment, where they found numerous photos and videos of children performing sex acts.

Hollywood officers arrested the man on 15 charges of possessing child pornography and took him to the Broward County Jail, where he was booked under total bond of $150,000.

The jail had no information about his legal representation.

When Ashlee came on and began to perform, though, I literally dropped my fork. Then I cupped my hands over my ears, but it didn’t help. Ashlee’s singing sounded like a cross between a political prisoner being tortured and a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.

I desperately searched for the remote so I could hit the mute button, but I must have misplaced it. But I also couldn’t believe that someone didn’t rush the stage and stop her. The local police. The FBI. Homeland security. Even an angry mob of vigilantes. Instead, they just let her keep going. I’ve never felt so helpless or vulnerable in my life.

I happened to look out the window and noticed that some of my neighbors were running down the street, their hands over their ears, screaming for help. I wanted to help them, I really did. Yet I was gripped by horror and disbelief. I was practically catatonic. For their sake — and for mine — all I could hope for was a swift end to the halftime show.

Shrieking like a hyena giving birth, she closed her “song” with something that approximates the phrase, “you make we wanna SCREAM!” And then she waited for applause.

Instead, she got boos, the kind of irate and vindictive boos that usually occur after a pro wrestler taunts a crowd.  Through the cacophony, the gentle strains of “You suck!” could be heard. Ashlee was escorted off the stage and through a tunnel, and let’s just say the Indiana Pacers were received more warmly by Detroit fans when they walked toward the locker room after the brawl.

Dirk Diggler's "You've got the touch!" (yes, I know it was intentionally bad).

Rolling back bad taste

A Wal-Mart worker showed a photo of himself wearing only a sack.

By CLARK KAUFFMAN
REGISTER STAFF WRITER
January 7, 2005

A 65-year-old Wal-Mart greeter has been fired for greeting customers with a computer-generated photograph of himself wearing nothing but a Wal-Mart sack.

Dean Wooten was fired in September from his job as a greeter at the Muscatine Wal-Mart store where he had worked for seven years, state records show. He was accused of greeting customers with a picture of himself in which he appeared to be naked except for the carefully placed sack.

Wooten allegedly told customers that Wal-Mart was cutting back on expenses and that the sack represented the new employee uniform.

After some customers complained, a supervisor told Wooten not to display the picture. Five days later, after more customers complained, Wooten admitted he had brought the picture back to work and had been showing it again to customers. He was fired that day.

Wooten applied for unemployment benefits but was denied by Administrative Law Judge Susan Brightman, who ruled that "a reasonable person would know the act of showing a naked body wearing a Wal-Mart sack would not be good for the employer's business."

Wooten said he thought customers would find the photo amusing. It wasn't intended to be critical of Wal-Mart, he said.

"I didn't have nothing against Wal-Mart," he said. "A friend of mine got the photo of the body off the Internet, and he had a picture of me and he put my head on it. When I first seen it, I pretty near died laughing."

Lately, we've been besieged by public shams, from Jason Giambi's alleged steroid use to never-realized assurances about Iraq's weapons of mass destruction. But it's hard to voice our dissatisfaction.

...Ashlee made it easy. She took the stage. She sounded bad. We booed...

...Ashlee, meanwhile, is unfazed by her detractors.

In the upcoming March edition of Teen People, she tells music editor Zena Burns that those who complain about her "are just old people who watch the news and don't know anything about me."

Just think of Melissa Etheridge, who struggled with a faulty microphone and detuned guitar during the sold-out, nationally broadcast Concert for New York at Madison Square Garden in 2001. Where Simpson would have smashed the guitar and stormed out, Etheridge persevered and the audience loved her for it.

'Growing Pains' Actress Pleads Guilty

VENTURA, Calif. (AP) - Former "Growing Pains" child star Tracey Gold pleaded guilty to driving drunk when her sport utility vehicle overturned, hurting her husband and two of her three children.

Tracey Gold Marshall, 35, sobbed as she stood before a Superior Court judge Thursday and heard the charges against her - one count of felony drunken driving causing injury to her husband and two allegations that she caused injury to two of her sons.

When asked how she intended to plead, she replied an almost inaudible, "guilty."

The former actress, who played Carol Seaver during the seven-year run of "Growing Pains," which ended production in 1992, was behind the wheel of the SUV on Sept. 3, 2004, when it went off a highway in Moorpark and rolled down an embankment.

She will be sentenced March 21. The crimes could lead to a five-year prison term, although Deputy District Attorney John Vanarelli said she would likely be placed on probation because it was her first drunken driving offense.

Mrs. Marshall, her husband Roby Marshall and defense lawyers declined comment.

"For good reasons, we've decided not to discuss this until it is presented to the court for sentencing," defense attorney Chuck Samonsky said.

Mrs. Marshall and her infant son weren't hurt in the crash, but her husband suffered neck injuries and the couple's 5- and 7-year-old sons suffered minor injuries.

After some customers complained, a supervisor told Wooten not to display the picture. Five days later, after more customers complained, Wooten admitted he had brought the picture back to work and had been showing it again to customers. He was fired that day.

Actor's backside bared in cold remedy spot
 
ESPN.com news services

Nicollette Sheridan's back before Monday Night Football: yes, though even that pregame spot sparked apologies galore.

Mickey Rooney's backside in a Super Bowl ad: no. Especially not after Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" at last year's Super Bowl ...

Fox has rejected a proposed ad for Airborne, a natural cold remedy, that reveals the 84-year-old's rear end, USA Today reported Friday.

In the spot, the veteran movie star freaks out when someone coughs behind him in a sauna -- jumping up, screaming and heading for the door, with his towel slipping in the confusion and baring his backside for about two seconds, according to the newspaper.

"Our standards department reviewed the ad and it was deemed inappropriate for broadcast," Lou d'Ermilio, spokesman for Fox Sports, told USA Today.

Although there's nudity involved, Airborne co-owner Rider McDowell categorized the commercial as harmless. "It's tantamount to showing a baby's bottom," he told the newspaper, expanding on his statement that there's "nothing sexual about the ad."

Rooney concurred, releasing a statement that included the following: "There's nothing sensual about the brief exposure of my backside, and it's not gratuitous. ... It's a fun spot, and the public deserves to see it."

McDowell told USA Today that he thinks Fox is being "overzealous" in rejecting the ad after months of talks. The $1.2 million Airborne planned to spend on the 15-second spot represents 10 percent of the California-based company's budget, according to the newspaper.

David Rice, McDowell's lawyer, sent a letter Monday to the Federal Communications Commission, arguing that the ad is "amusing and entirely appropriate for broadcast" and urging the commission to issue an order directing Fox to broadcast it, USA Today reported, adding that an FCC spokeswoman had responded Thursday that such an order would never happen because the commission responds to complaints after things air.

Any ad man worth his hooves

LONDON -- A British man was jailed today for repeatedly stabbing a long-lost best friend he had traced via the popular "Friends Reunited" Web site, and the victim says he still wants to be buddies.

Brendan Walsh, 27, nearly killed Noel Duff when he stabbed him seven times in a drunken rage because he mistakenly believed his friend had attacked his sister, Karen, whom Duff had started dating.

However, Walsh was immediately overcome with remorse, called an ambulance and Duff was rushed to a hospital where doctors said it was a miracle he had survived a stab wound to the heart.

Walsh, who was sentenced to three years in jail by London's Old Bailey after pleading guilty to wounding with intent, had been a close friend with Duff at school and had met up with him again via the Web site, later introducing him to his sister.

"The victim is no longer angry at you and the remarkable fact is that (he) even gave evidence on your behalf and said he would like to be friends with you again," Judge David Paget told Walsh, who was cleared of attempted murder.

"Even the victim later remarked 'I can't believe a stupid fight came to this.'"

Hollywood glamour couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have split, Pitt's longtime publicist confirmed Friday.

"We would like to announce that after seven years together we have decided to formally separate," the couple said in a joint statement released by Pitt's publicist Cindy Guagenti. "For those who follow these sorts of things, we would like to explain that our separation is not the result of any speculation reported by the tabloid media. This decision is the result of much thoughtful consideration."

The couple didn't indicate if they planned to file for divorce, and Guagenti declined to comment beyond the statement, which also said, "We happily remain committed and caring friends with great love and admiration for one another."

The separation, first reported on People magazine's Web site, comes 41/2 years after the pair's Malibu wedding and after months of speculation that their marriage was in trouble.

In their statement, they asked for the public's "sensitivity in the coming months."

Aniston has recently been photographed in public without her diamond-studded wedding ring, according to People, although the magazine said the couple had spent the New Year's weekend together on the Caribbean island of Anguilla with Aniston's former "Friends" co-star Courteney Cox and her husband, actor David Arquette.

Pitt, 41, and Aniston, 35, have been together since being set up on a blind date in 1998. They were married in a lavish wedding on July 29, 2000, on a Malibu estate overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Some 200 people attended the event, which included four bands, a gospel choir, fireworks and tens of thousands of flowers.

Part of Pacific Coast Highway was shut down to accommodate the influx of guests, which included actress Cameron Diaz and most of Aniston's "Friends" co-stars. Media reports at the time pegged the event's cost at $1 million. It was the first marriage for both.

Until rumors began swirling that they were about to split, there were near-constant tabloid rumors that Aniston was pregnant. The actress had told People in 2002 that she and Pitt eventually wanted to start a family.

"Absolutely it will happen but probably not for a while," she said at the time.

Since their wedding they have been touted not only as one of Hollywood's most glamorous couples but also one of the film industry's most powerful. They are co-owners of the Plan B production company with producer Brad Grey, who earlier this week was hired to replace Sherry Lansing as head of the Paramount studio.

Aniston is perhaps the most recognizable star of "Friends," the ensemble show that concluded a 10-year run last year as one of television's highest-rated comedies. She also has starred in such films as "Along Came Polly," "Bruce Almighty" and "The Good Girl." Her father is veteran soap opera actor John Aniston.

Pitt, long one of Hollywood' most bankable film stars, is currently seen in "Ocean's Twelve." Other film credits include "Ocean's Eleven," "Fight Club," "Meet Joe Black," "Seven Years in Tibet," "Sleepers," "12 Monkeys," "Legends of the Fall," "A River Runs Through It" and "Thelma & Louise."

Masturbating boys cause a stir
07/01/2005 12:24  - (SA)

Riot Hlatshwayo and Glacier Nkhwashu

Tzaneen - Sexily-dressed women in a small Limpopo town have fallen prey to a group of teenage street kids that masturbate in public whenever they see them.

One woman, 24-year-old Gloria Shingange, had an embarrassing moment on Thursday when the boys drooled over her at the Tzaneen Mall because she was wearing a mini-skirt.

"They followed me around the mall with their hands inside their trousers. I walked out of the mall and when I stopped at the robot next to the Tzaneen police station they shouted saying I was attractive," Shingage said.

She said the boys took out their penises and started masturbating in full view of everyone while groaning in ecstasy.

Cops just laughed

"One of them said my legs were sexy. He then closed his eyes, grimaced and shouted at the top of his voice in apparent enjoyment of what he was doing," said Shingange.

"He held up his penis for everyone to see and started masturbating," she added.

"I was very embarrassed. They stopped traffic and all eyes were on me."

Shingange's embarrassment was however not going to end there.

The incident sent police officers at the Tzaneen station into stitches as she tried to open a case of public indecency.

The police allegedly refused to open a case, claiming that the street kids didn't commit any offence because they didn't touch her.

"They told me straight in the face that they were not taking my complaint because I wasn't raped," said Shingange.

Mopani police spokesperson Superintendent Moatshe Ngoepe said he wasn't aware of the matter.

"This is an act of public indecency and cannot be tolerated," Ngoepe said.

"Anyone who tries to open a case of any kind at a police station and finds no help must not leave the station without speaking to the station commissioner," he added.

Some people however have a different view.

Vegetable vendor Mthavini Khoza said she condoned the boys' action.

"These boys are doing the right thing because their actions are likely to reduce the tendencies of wearing 3cm (sic) skirts in public and embarrass every woman," she said.

"I wish they rape them one day so they may start respecting their bodies," Khoza said.

One of the boys, a 14-year-old whose name cannot be revealed because of his age, had no qualms to speak about the incident.

"I feel very happy after masturbating next to a woman with beautiful legs and wearing see-through clothes," the boy said.

"There is no girl out there who wants a filthy glue-sniffing street kid so the only way to relieve our sexual appetite is to masturbate," he explained.

I walked out of the mall and when I stopped at the robot next to the Tzaneen police station

Neighbors complain Globe editor twice brought them bad nudes
By Gayle Fee and Laura Raposa
Tuesday, January 11, 2005

A Boston Globe editor was arrested for ``open and gross lewdness'' after two young women complained he turned up at their front door ``naked and masturbating.''

     Don't you hate when that happens?

     Sources say Bryan Marquard, a married deputy city editor at the Boring Broadsheet, has been out on ``personal leave'' since the alleged incident. He is due back in South Boston District Court Friday for a pretrial hearing.

     ``The charge is false and should not be dignified further with a response,'' said Marquard's attorney, Ellen Zucker. ``We have every confidence that when a judge or jury sees the case, Mr. Marquard will be completely exonerated.''

     According to a police report of the alleged incident, the women - who are Marquard's neighbors - arrived home early in the morning of Dec. 20 and shortly thereafter, heard a knock on their door.

     ``When the victims answered the door, they observed the suspect, Marquard, standing outside in the hallway, in front of their apartment door, naked and masturbating in front of them.''

     The women said it was the second time the Globie had put on a peep show for them.

     ``Approximately three weeks ago, as they arrived home, they noticed that the suspect's door was open and he was sitting in a chair in plain view steering (sic) at them masturbating,'' the police report says.
     When the cops went to Marquard's condo to get his version of the alleged perversion, ``the first words he asked the officers,'' the report says, ``was `Am I being arrested?' ''

     The answer was yes. He pleaded innocent at his arraignment the next day.

     The Globe confirmed that Marquard is employed as a deputy city editor at the newspaper but would have no further comment on his status.

     A former editor and reporter at Newsday in New York, Marquard was moved to the Globe's city desk after stints on the copy desk and as co-editor of the paper's West Weekly section. As deputy city editor, he helped supervise reporters and coordinate coverage in the paper's City & Region section.

     A source close to the matter said Marquard will contend that the women made up the stories in retaliation after a neighborhood dispute. The alleged victims did not return our calls.

     File under: A Series of Unfortunate Events?

Dolenz is now a DJ
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
BY JAY LUSTIG
Star-Ledger Staff

It has been quite a few years since he had a hit record, so Micky Dolenz is trying to launch a new career. Yesterday, the Monkees drummer-singer made his debut as a morning (6-10 a.m.) disk jockey on WCBS-FM (101.1, New York).

The music was pretty much what you would expect --the Beatles, the Stones, the Beach Boys, the Monkees and so on, along with some slight surprises, like the Doobie Brothers' "Black Water" and Stevie Wonder's "Superstition." The affable Dolenz, 59, told stories, took phone calls from listeners, bantered with his producer and his weatherman, and chatted with his wife, his daughters, his lawyer and fellow Monkee Peter Tork.

 He also dealt with minor technical difficulties and made fun of himself, playing the following promo, for instance: "And now, here's the CBS-FM million dollar crapshoot ... Micky Dolenz in the morning. It might be good. Eh, maybe not so much."

Here are some highlights.

6:07 a.m.: Dolenz talks about going to England in 1967 and meeting "the royal family" -- the Beatles. He watched television with Paul McCartney and visited the band in a recording studio, where John Lennon played him a tape of a song they were working on: The "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" track, "Good Morning, Good Morning."

6:08 a.m.: The show's first song is "Good Morning, Good Morning."

6:12 a.m.: The second song is Wilson Pickett's "In the Midnight Hour."

6:15 a.m.: "Well, it's 15 minutes and I'm still on the air," Dolenz says.

6:22 a.m.: The third song is the Bee Gees' "Night Fever."

6:36 a.m.: A listener, Arlene from Brooklyn, calls in and asks, "Why do you sing with your eyes closed?" Dolenz responds: "I just kind of drift into another world of music and rock 'n' roll, and all that kind of psychedelic stuff, I guess."

6:54 a.m.: Dolenz plays the Monkees' "Last Train To Clarksville."

7:04 a.m.: Martin Lewis calls in. Dolenz introduces him as a "humorist/Beatles historian/bon vivant." Lewis says he's in town to talk to Steven Van Zandt about developing a satellite radio show, and calls Dolenz' John Lennon impression, earlier in the show, "the worst John Lennon impression of all time." He says Dolenz sounded more like Freddie of Freddie & the Dreamers.

7:07 a.m.: Dolenz says he's not a yuppie, but a bobo -- "burnt out but opulent."

7:34 a.m.: Tork calls in from his car in western Connecticut. He lives in eastern Connecticut but drove across the state so he could hear the show. He plugs his blues band, Shoe Suede Blues, and requests the Dell-Vikings' "Whispering Bells."

8:07 a.m.: Dolenz offers a pair of tickets to the upcoming Elvis Presley-inspired Broadway musical, "All Shook Up," to a random caller. He can be heard saying hello to the caller as a commercial begins playing.

8:23 a.m.: Dolenz fields separate phone calls from his wife Donna and daughters Emily and Georgia. He dedicates Elvis Presley's "Can't Help Falling In Love" to Donna, and Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl" to Emily. Georgia requests Bob Dylan's "Like A Rolling Stone." Dolenz plays it, and can be heard singing along.

8:55 a.m.: Referring to the difficulty of putting together the show for the first time, Dolenz says, "Thanks goodness I don't ever have to do this again." He then plays a song he says expresses the way he feels: the Beatles' "Help!"

9:10 a.m.: Dolenz plays the first song he sang in his pre-Monkees cover band, Micky & the One Nighters: The Animals' "House of the Rising Sun."

9:22 a.m.: Another daughter, Ami, calls in and requests The Monkees' "Pleasant Valley Sunday."

9:44 a.m.: Perhaps running out of ideas, Dolenz sings the weather forecast.

9:57 a.m.: "I can't wait to come in tomorrow morning, and hopefully all this equipment will work," Dolenz says. He closes with the Beatles' "Hello Goodbye."

No phone sex please - we are eating here!

    January 10 2005 at 04:42PM

Lisbon - A restaurant in Portugal has barred its customers from talking on their mobile telephones after a man had a racy conversation while having a meal at the establishment, a daily newspaper reported on Monday.

"He completely forgot that he was in a public place, everyone stopped to listen to the conversation which I can only say was really very sensual," the owner of the restaurant, Carlos Fernandes, told Correio da Manha.

Diners at the restaurant in the northern city of Guimaraes, located 350km north-east of Lisbon, are now asked to leave their cellphones at the door, turn them off or in case of an emergency, keep them on vibration mode.

"Of course if the conversation is not pleasant, I am the one who pays because the food will not taste as good and it will seem like it is a problem of the restaurant," Fernandes said.

Portugal has one of the highest rates of cellphone ownership in the European Union, with more than nine million cellphone owners.

Amish Teen Electrocuted in Ohio

CHARDON, Ohio (AP) - A 17-year-old Amish boy was electrocuted trying to remove a power line that got tangled in his horse-drawn buggy's wheels, authorities said.

The boy drove over a power line Tuesday that had sagged down within a foot of the road after separating from a pole, authorities said.

The line got stuck in the wheels and stopped the buggy. The boy got out and grabbed the 4,800-volt line in an attempt to remove it from the wheels, the Geauga County Sheriff's office said. He died at the scene.

The boy's name was not released because his family had not all been notified, officials said.

The Amish are a deeply religious group who shun modern conveniences such as electricity, telephones and car ownership. About 40,000 Amish live in Ohio, the most of any state.

The boy was traveling south on a road near Geauga-Trumbull County line in northeast Ohio, about 25 miles east of Cleveland.

The horse pulling the buggy was not injured.

Amrish Puri is dead

rediff.com Moviesdesk | January 12, 2005 08:53 IST

Actor Amrish Puri died at the Hinduja Hospital in Mumbai on Wednesday following prolonged illness, hospital sources said.

He was 72.

Puri suffered a blood clot in the brain and slipped into coma, the sources said, adding he was also being treated for malaria.

The actor had undergone a surgery last week.

Initial reports had suggested that the actor, who is survived by his wife, a son and a daughter, had died of brain haemorrhage.

The funeral is likely to take place on Thursday, the sources added.

Puri was born on June 22, 1932 and made his Bollywood debut in 1971 with Reshma Aur Shera.

The younger brother of character actor Madan Puri, he initially screen-tested for a hero's role in 1954, but the producer rejected him.

He then turned to theatre and also lent his voice to several advertisement jingles.

After Reshma Aur Shera, he had to wait a long time before filmmaker Shyam Benegal offered him roles in films like Nishaant, Manthan and Bhumika.

His career-defining role came with Mr India in 1987, as Mogambo. The line, Mogambo khush hua, became one of the most famous in the history of Hindi cinema.

He also acted in Steven Spielberg's Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

Aitraaz was his latest release.

Woman riddled with parasites
From correspondents in Ankara
January 13, 2005

DOCTORS have removed parasites weighing a total of three kilograms from the stomach of a young woman in central Turkey in what they have described as a rare case in medicine, Anatolia news agency reported today.

Kemal Arslan, the surgeon who operated the 18-year-old patient in Alaca town in the province of Corum, told Anatolia that the size of the parasites varied between five and 20 centimetres.

"Normally intestinal parasites are easily treated with drugs, but we had to operate on this patient because her intestines were blocked," he said.

The woman was recovering well after the surgery, he said.

A Small Problem...
New Doctor Who Series  •  January 12
Reports in today's Daily Mirror and elsewhere have surfaced that the new series has been hit by a shortage of dwarf actors because of the filming of two films, "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and the next Harry Potter film. "It's very difficult to employ persons of restricted growth when, as our producer Phil Collinson says, `Bloody Gringotts and the Chocolate Factory are filming at the same time'," executive producer Russell T Davies has been quoted by the Mirror as saying. The series is said to have needed them to play tiny blue aliens. "The two big movies have snapped up the talent. It's been hard to find who we want," said an anonymous source quoted in the Mirror, while another management agency for dwarf actors, Peter Burroughs, admitted he had been unable to supply Dr Who with a 3ft 8in star. "That was very difficult to find, especially with the other productions going on," Burroughs said. We're not sure if this is a recent development (Outpost Gallifrey did feature photos of dwarf aliens from an outdoor shoot last fall, but this could be studio-bound work for the same story or another). The story was picked up on Ananova, icWales, the Glasgow Daily Record, Sky News and other sources. (Thanks to Paul Engelberg, Steve Tribe, Chuck Foster, Sean Bradshaw, Kenny Smith, David Collins for the various links)

NEW YORK -- You've had your breasts enhanced and now you have that Jayne Mansfield look. But something's still missing. Your nipples just don't have that perk.

Enter one of the fastest growing cosmetic surgeries in the United States... nipple enlargement. New York-based nipple surgeon Bruce Nadler performs the procedure on half a dozen people a year and says most do it because they want the "teasing look " of an erect nipple all the time.

Still others - mostly men - are nipple fetishists who want their nipples to be the biggest, most desirable nipples possible. The "super-sizing" is done with injections of collagen or cartilage taken from the patient's ear. Dr. Nadler says another popular procedure is nipple reduction surgery, which is done mostly by women who are self conscious about looking nipply in cold weather.

Seems Dr. Who has a midget shortage. (http://www.gallifreyone.com/cgi-bin/viewnews.cgi?id=EEpVVuZyEVEofOVjcy&style=newsrss&tmpl=newsrss)

Man admits trying to have sex with goat
12 January 2005

A Nelson man has appeared in court for a second time for attempting to have sex with a goat.

George Kepa, a 41-year-old unemployed man, pleaded guilty in Nelson District Court yesterday to bestiality and unlawfully entering a building.

Police prosecutor Chris Stringer said Kepa went to visit a friend on January 7.

The friend was asleep and Kepa went to a tin shed where the goat was kept, took some of his clothes off and attempted to have sex with it, Mr Stringer said.

Judge Paul Whitehead remanded Kepa until February 1 for a pre-sentence drug and alcohol report.

In 2002, Kepa was sentenced to 80 hours' community work and 18 months supervision for committing an indecency with a goat.

Testicle torn off by ex-lover

Press Association
Wednesday January 12, 2005
The Guardian

A jilted woman admitted ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her hands after he refused to have sex with her.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage after her former boyfriend, Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a drunken house party. She yanked off his left testicle, which was later handed to him by a friend with the words: "That's yours."

Monti, of Birkenhead, Merseyside, pleaded guilty to wounding at Liverpool crown court yesterday and will be sentenced next month.

The court heard that Mr Jones had ended his long-term relationship with Monti towards the end of May last year. The pair remained on good terms and on May 30, Monti drove him to a party and then home again, where friends joined them for more drinks.

Monti told Mr Jones she wanted to discuss their relationship and offered him sex. When he refused, she grabbed his face and a struggle ensued.

Mr Jones threw Monti out of the house. She then smashed a window. Another struggle took place and Monti was knocked to the floor, from where she pulled down Mr Jones's shorts.

Monti initially tried to hide the testicle by putting it in her mouth, but released it. Doctors were unable to reattach the organ.

Wendy Lloyd, defending, said her client did not remember much of the struggle. But she accepted the prosecution's version of events and did not claim to have acted in self-defence.

Monti initially tried to hide the testicle by putting it in her mouth,

There was a point that F13 routinely locked threads that were simply a brief blurb and a news link.   Sometimes, I miss those days.   Ah well, at least it's confined to one thread.

Not to say that Shockeye's links aren't the highlight of my day, of course.   I just thought it was interesting to mention how things have changed.

She yanked off his left testicle, which was later handed to him by a friend with the words: "That's yours."

Not to say that Shockeye's links aren't the highlight of my day, of course.   I just thought it was interesting to mention how things have changed.

Because THAT'S necessary.

You guys should try leaving this thread alone for a few days then being hit by a bunch of these stories at once. I am feeling rather disturbed after the naked old man in a sack, the gang of masturbators (seriously... wtf WAS that?), the masturbating globe exec, goatboy, mr phone sex, and the testicle rip-off.

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German brothel owner has been so moved by the plight of survivors from Asia's tsunami disaster that she is donating part of her takings from clients.
 
"It's not every day you can make a charitable gesture by going to a brothel," said Mercedes Mueller, who is giving five euros ($6.60) of the 39-euro ($51) entrance charge clients pay.

"It's so terrible what happened there and I wanted to do something," said Mueller, who owns the Happy FKK Club in the western city of Dortmund.

Mueller said clients, prostitutes and the public had all responded with great enthusiasm to her gesture, and that about 1,300 euros ($1,700) had been raised so far.

"We have as much of a right to raise money as any other business," she said. "We all have a heart too. I hope it will serve as an example to others."

The Associated Press
Updated: 3:03 p.m. ET Jan. 12, 2005MEPSTEAD, N.Y.

Did you hear the one about the two guys arrested for telling lawyer jokes?

It happened this week to the founders of a group called Americans for Legal Reform, who were waiting in line to get into a Long Island courthouse.

“How do you tell when a lawyer is lying?” Harvey Kash reportedly asked Carl Lanzisera.

“His lips are moving,” they said in unison.

While some waiting to get into the courthouse giggled, a lawyer farther up the line Monday was not laughing.

He told them to pipe down, and when they did not, the lawyer reported the pair to court personnel, who charged them with disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor.

“They just can’t take it,” Kash said of lawyers in general. “This violates our First Amendment rights.”

Dan Bagnuola, a spokesman for the Nassau County courts, said the men were “being abusive and they were causing a disturbance.” He said he did not have the name of the lawyer who complained.

Americans for Legal Reform monitors the courts and uses confrontational tactics to push for greater access for the public. The pair said that for years they have stood outside courthouses on Long Island and mocked lawyers.

On Monday, however, Kash said he was due in court to answer a drunken driving charge from a year and a half ago. The men are due back in court on the disorderly conduct charge next month.

Madonna's Kabbalah Center in Holocaust Row

Thu Jan 13,12:26 PM ET

By Mike Collett-White

LONDON (Reuters) - A documentary about a branch of Kabbalah, the mystical form of Judaism that counts pop idol Madonna (news - web sites) among its devotees, will show a senior figure saying Jews died in the Holocaust because they did not follow the sect.

The program, to be aired by the British Broadcasting Corporation on Thursday evening, also features members of the London Kabbalah Center trying to sell an undercover reporter bottles of "healing" water they say could help cure cancer.

John Sweeney, who made the film with the help of three undercover "moles," said it would throw an unflattering light on the Kabbalah Center in London, part of an international network led by Philip Berg, who is based in Los Angeles.

"It's a devastating indictment," Sweeney told Reuters.

"The perceived view is that this (the Kabbalah Center) is a Hollywood craze, fluffy, a bit silly. But we found a score or more ex-members all of whom said it was a dangerous cult."

According to the BBC, the program will show a senior figure at the Kabbalah Center saying: "Just to tell you another thing about the six million Jews that were killed in the Holocaust: the question was that the Light was blocked. They didn't use Kabbalah."

The center declined to comment on the documentary before it was aired, but added in a statement: "For millennia, Kabbalah has been misrepresented by some members of the community trying to discourage others from studying its wisdom."

It said the center welcomed people of all creeds to join, and invited them to find out more at an open house next week.

ANGRY RESPONSE

But leaks from the Kabbalah Center, which has attracted some of the biggest names in showbusiness, have angered Jewish leaders, who argue that the organization is distorting the movement's teaching.

Many distinguish between Kabbalah, a branch of ancient Jewish mysticism, and the Kabbalah Center which has attracted fashionable supporters like Madonna and actress Demi Moore.

"This center is trading on the name Kabbalah and duping people into thinking it is a legitimate source of study," said Rabbi Barry Marcus of the Central Synagogue in London.

Commenting on the remarks made in the program, he added: "It's preposterous. It is insulting to the memory of people who died in the Holocaust. This is arrogance I can only condemn in the strongest terms."

Sweeney said that one of the undercover reporters, who was suffering from cancer, was offered a package of remedies for the disease costing a total of 860 pounds ($1,600).

They included nearly 400 pounds for 10 cases of Kabbalah water, 150 pounds for "extra-strength" water and 289 pounds for Zohar books, the Kabbalah "bible."

On the Kabbalah Center International's Web site, a 23-volume edition of the Zohar is on sale for $415. Also featured is a length of red string costing $26 which, it claims, protects people from the "Evil Eye... a very powerful negative force."

Kabbalah shot to prominence in the late 1990s, helped by Madonna's keen interest. In June last year, the Catholic-bred singer said she had adopted the Hebrew name of Esther, and in September she went on a spiritual pilgrimage to Israel to practice her newfound faith.

Mini-Me Verne Troy Not So Mini With 3 Playboy Girls
January 13, 2005, 7:34:00

TROYER: 'I PLEASURED THREE PLAYBOY GIRLS'

Diminutive actor VERNE TROYER shocked fellow housemates on reality TV show THE SURREAL LIFE, by boasting about his wild five-in-a-bed romp at porn baron HUGH HEFNER's Playboy Mansion.

The pint-size star, who plays MINI ME in the AUSTIN POWERS movies, is sharing a California home for two weeks with model ADRIANNE CURRY, former BRADY BUNCH actor CHRISTOPHER KNIGHT, wrestler CHYNA, GO-GOS guitarist JANE WEIDLIN and model MARCUS SCHENKENBERG.
And he attacked Weidlin's belief women aren't attracted to smaller men by pointing out he pleasured three beauties at Hefner's infamous home.

The 36-year-old said, "I did three girls at the Playboy Mansion. There was another guy with me, but there was plenty of p**sy to go around.

"I know what women want, and it's me."

Bright pink handcuffs latest additional to sheriff's arsenal

Jan. 13, 2005 12:00 AM

First it was pink underwear. Then pink sheets. And now it's pink handcuffs.

Starting today, Maricopa County sheriff's deputies will begin using fluorescent pink handcuffs to transport inmates.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio said he got so tired of losing handcuffs to his own deputies and other law enforcement agencies, he wanted to put a stop to it. So he ordered 1,000 hot-pink handcuffs, which are made in England, at $19.44 each. (The regular ones cost $18.84 a pop.)

"We presume nobody else has pink handcuffs, so we can spot them and know they're ours," he said.

The sheriff bet that even stores like Castle Boutique don't carry pink handcuffs. But in fact, they do. The Castle Boutique on Camelback Road sells pink metal handcuffs for $9.99.

Patrol deputies will still carry the normal silver cuffs, which they pay for on their own.

1999 mazda protege', This car is a real head turner. It never fails to draw attention, and make jaws drop while driving down the road. Even the guys admire the craftsmanship that went into this girlie racer. It has won at every car show we have brought it to. And you can see why. Every one just loves this "hello Kitty" fast and furious protege'.

Compliments on finding the GAYEST THING ON FOUR WHEELS

Speaker Touts Stripping to 8th Graders

By BILEN MESFIN, Associated Press Writer

SAN FRANCISCO - The principal of a Palo Alto middle school may not invite a popular speaker back to an annual career day after he told girls they could earn a good living as strippers.

Management consultant William Fried told eighth-graders at Jane Lathrop Stanford Middle School on Tuesday that stripping and exotic dancing can pay $250,000 or more per year, depending on their bust size.

"It's sick, but it's true," Fried said in an interview later. "The truth of the matter is you can earn a tremendous amount of money as an exotic dancer, if that's your desire."

Fried has given a popular 55-minute presentation, "The Secret of a Happy Life," at the school's career day the past three years. He counsels students to experiment with a variety of interests until they discover something they love and excel in.

But school principal Joseph Di Salvo said Fried may not be back next year.

The principal said Fried's comments to the class came after some of them asked him to expand on why he included "exotic dancing" on his list of 140 potential careers.

Fried spent about a minute answering questions, defining strippers and exotic dancers synonymously. According to Jason Garcia, 14, he told students: "For every 2 inches up there, you should get another $50,000 on your salary."

"A couple of students egged him and he took it hook, line and sinker," said Di Salvo, who also said the students took advantage of a substitute teacher overseeing the session.

"It's totally inappropriate," Di Salvo said. "It's not OK by me. I would want my presenters to kind of understand that they are coming into a career day for eighth-graders."

That stripping advice wasn't the only thing that riled parents. Di Salvo said one mother said she was outraged when her son announced that he was forgoing college for a field he loves: fishing.

"He really focused on finding what you really love to do," said Mariah Cannon, 13.

Fried, 64, said he does not think he offended any of the students: "Eighth-grade kids are not dumb," he said. "They are pretty worldly."

Davison High School denies honor to alum Michael Moore

January 14, 2005, 7:29 AM

DAVISON, Mich. (AP) -- Oscar on the shelf or not, Michael Moore is not getting much respect at his old high school.

Despite his fame and many honors, the filmmaker has been rejected all four times that he has been nominated for Davison High School's Hall of Fame.

"Would you want him as a role model? Would you want your son or daughter to be like him?" asked Don Hammond, a member of the Davison Hall of Fame selection committee, who has voted not to elect Moore. "I haven't talked to anybody yet who's for him. The word to describe Michael Moore is embarrassing. He embarrasses everybody."

Ryan Eashoo disagrees. The 1997 Davison High graduate has spent 80 hours the last two weeks and $600 of his own money trying to get Moore elected this time.

"We've been blacklisted," Eashoo, 25, told the Detroit Free Press for a story Friday. "I'm a huge Michael Moore fan. He's a great producer, great filmmaker, always sticking up for minorities. He's kind of an underdog."

Eashoo got the idea to back Moore for his Flint-area school's hall of fame several weeks ago when he noticed an item in the Davison School Board's newsletter that it was time to nominate for the hall.

So far, Eashoo has 300 signed nominations of Moore. His goal is 2,000 by Feb. 1.

The committee meets Feb. 11 to choose its inductees.

Central Fla. Man Arrested For Possessing Lethal Ricin
Agents Find Uzi-Type Submachine Gun, AK47 Rifle In Man's Home

POSTED: 2:25 pm EST January 13, 2005
UPDATED: 8:49 am EST January 14, 2005

OCALA, Fla. -- A 22-year-old man was arrested on charges of possessing the lethal toxin ricin at his home, authorities said Thursday.

Steven Michael Ekberg, 22, was detained late Wednesday and charged with possession of a biological agent, which carries a penalty of up to 10 years in prison. FBI agents said they didn't believe Ekberg had any connection with terrorist groups, although they didn't release a possible motive.

 His mother, Theresa Ekberg, who lives with her son, declined to comment.

The Marion County Sheriff's Office was tipped off on New Year's Eve by an anonymous informant who told agents that Ekberg had been visiting clubs while carrying multiple firearms, a violation of the concealed weapons permit law.

The informant also told agents that Ekberg had shown off a box containing several glass tubes, vials and jars as well as white, brown and red seeds. Ekberg had said one of the vials held ricin, according to a sheriff's report.

Ekberg was also arrested and released last Friday on charges of possession of cocaine and violating the concealed weapons law. Agents from the sheriff's office and the Florida Department of Law Enforcement then searched his house. They found an Uzi-type submachine gun, an AK47-type semiautomatic rifle and a semiautomatic bipod rifle, the sheriff's report said.

The also found a cardboard box containing suspicious chemicals, which was determined to contain ricin after a chemical analysis in a Jacksonville laboratory.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, as little as 500 micrograms of ricin, roughly the amount that fits on the head of a pin, is enough to kill an adult. Lethal doses depend on how the poison is delivered -- powder, mist, pellet or dissolved in water. The poison can be made from waste left over from processing castor beans.

GARNER'S BREASTS ENLARGED FOR ELEKTRA

JENNIFER GARNER had an important adjustment made in order to play the title character in hew new movie ELEKTRA - her breasts were made to look bigger.

The brunette beauty stars in the DAREDEVIL spin-off as the comic book heroine, and bosses decided her look would be completed by a slight increase in her bust size.

The film's costume designer, LISA TOMCZESZYN, says, "Comic book heroines have to have supernatural bustlines to match their supernatural strength."

As a result, Garner's cup size was pushed up to a C.

Tomczeszyn adds, "(The increase is) not out of line with today's Hollywood starlets."
14/01/2005 09:28

Scarlett happy to share

Sid Billington

Scarlett Johansson has revealed what a kind and generous person she is by saying she’s happy for her male co-stars to catch an eye-full of her “girls”.

Which are her boobs, by the way.

The pouty blonde admitted to Harpers and Queen magazine that sex scenes don’t rattle her.

“A lot of people get nervous. I try to be relaxed.

"There are those first few takes where you're like, 'This is awkward', and it's hot and you're almost naked.

"But if someone catches sight of your bare breasts, you think: 'Let them have it and enjoy it for the day."

Bless her, and her girls.

Vermont high-schoolers total seven points in basketball game
The Associated Press
Updated: 9:07 p.m. ET Jan. 13, 2005

MILTON, Vt. - Hard to imagine a 3-pointer in the second quarter of a high school boy's basketball game would turn out to be the winning basket _ unless it's one of only three made in the entire game.

That basket, along with an earlier field goal, was all Bellows Free Academy-Fairfax needed to beat Milton on Wednesday night. The final score: 5-2.

To the teams' credit, the score was the result of an apparently deliberate stalling strategy.

It could not immediately be determined if the score was a state or national record low, but the contest certainly attracted attention.

"We've been talking about it all morning over here," said Bob Johnson, the director of student activities for the Vermont Principals' Association, which governs high school sports.

"It had to have been one of the most boring games in the world," he said.

The scoring was kept way down on purpose, a strategy made possible by the fact that Vermont high schools don't use a shot clock. No player went to the free-throw line as Milton committed five fouls and BFA had one.

BFA took a 5-0 lead and neither team scored in the second half.

"It was the ultimate deliberate stalemate," Milton coach Jim Smith said. "They didn't come out after us and we didn't go in against them."

Smith said the slowdown was implemented because BFA (7-4) has a strong scoring presence, while Milton (2-8) does not. The Milton players believed their best chance to be competitive was to just hold onto the ball.

The strategy almost worked.

"We had a shot go off the rim that would have tied it," Smith said. "We were one possession away to tie the game. We have not been in that position for quite some time."

Alex Weber's basket gave BFA a 2-0 lead in the first quarter. Shadoe Adams' 3-pointer made it 5-0 at the start of the second quarter. Brian Phelps scored later in the period and Milton trailed 5-2 at halftime.

"I've never had a player hit a game-winner in the second quarter before," BFA-Fairfax coach Glen Button Jr. said.

We really need to get her and Colin Farrell together.

Umm....Why?

Caught On Tape: Suspect Steals Cruiser

Deputy Chases His Own Car

An Oklahoma sheriff's deputy ended up chasing his own car Thursday after a man he was arresting stole the police cruiser.

The deputy was forced to give chase in the suspect's car, and it was all caught on the cruiser's dashboard camera.

While Garfield County Sheriff's Deputy Matt Mixon searched his vehicle, suspect Billy Gurney, 34, slipped behind the wheel of the patrol car and out of his handcuffs.

"I had to make a lot of decisions, and I had to make them ... then, there, and quick, with no way to ask for permission," Mixon said.

Mixon hopped into the suspect's stolen vehicle and gave chase -- without a radio or any communication with his command.

He fired at the cruiser, but it did not stop the driver. At one point, the cruiser was going so fast that it went airborne after hitting a rise in the road. "I could actually see the horizon underneath my patrol car," Mixon said.

Speeds reached 120 mph, with the patrol car's lights flashing the entire time.

And after several close calls with innocent drivers, Mixon forced the suspect to spin out in the cruiser.

The motorized pursuit was over, but the chase was not. Mixon said he chased Gurney on foot and finally subdued him with a Taser gun.

The dangerous joyride down rural roads spanned two counties and 25 miles.

Neither the suspect nor the deputy were seriously injured.

Bank of America Fires Head of High-Yield Research After Report

Jan. 14 (Bloomberg) -- Bank of America Corp.'s securities unit fired Andrew Susser, a top-ranked analyst and head of its high- yield bond research group, after his face appeared superimposed on a woman's body in a report sent to clients.

The 56-page report includes a front-page photograph doctored to make it appear as though Susser, wearing a black dress and high heels, is getting swept over the threshold of a hotel suite by another man. Susser, who covered the lodging and gaming industries from New York, approved publishing the report about the lodging industry entitled ``Checking In,'' according to people familiar with the matter, who declined to be identified.

Customers who follow Susser's work said his dismissal on Jan. 10 may hurt the firm's efforts to win underwriting and trading business. Last year, Banc of America Securities LLC won high-yield underwriting deals from companies he covered, including part of a $1.3 billion sale for a unit of casino operator Wynn Resorts Ltd. and half of MGM Mirage Inc.'s $550 million offering.

``It's a big loss,'' said Thomas Parker, who manages $2.6 billion in high-yield debt, including gaming bonds, for Barclays Global Investors in San Francisco. ``He's definitely one of the top gaming analysts. Since we play gaming bonds, we want to know what he has to say.''

Susser, 39, declined to comment when reached by telephone at his home in New York. Banc of America Securities spokesman Jeff Hershberger declined to discuss the reasons for Susser's firing.

No. 1 Ranking

Susser topped Institutional Investor magazine's ranking of high-yield analysts for lodging and gaming for the past three years.

Banc of America Securities was the fourth-biggest U.S. underwriter of high-yield debt last year, up from sixth in 2003 and eighth in 2000, data compiled by Bloomberg show. The firm's share of the $136 billion market for high-yield sales doubled to 11 percent last year from 5.4 percent in 2000.

``He's a very good analyst and my casino analyst who gets his reports happens to think very highly of him,'' said Harry Resis, who helps manage about $550 million in high-yield bonds at Henderson Global Investors Ltd. in Chicago. ``He's obviously one of the top guys in high-yield research.''

Susser also covered Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide Inc., the world's second-largest hotel operator by sales, Host Marriott LP, a unit of Host Marriott Corp., and Donald Trump's Trump Hotels & Casino Resorts Inc.

Susser left the firm after almost six years, Hershberger said. Banc of America Securities, which is based in New York, named Larry Bland to succeed him as head of high-yield research. Bland has been running the firm's high-yield research on health-care companies.

So they could spawn an uber-hot race of models. Duh.

We really need to get her and Schild together.

The thing about handcuffs sold in sex shops is, (at least in the US) they're all required to have a safety release catch these days, since so many people were losing keys.   Cops' handcuffs are made out of heavier gague metal, too.

It seems all women want Mini-Me. Just ask him. (http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/entertainment/23132004.htm)

Mini-Me Verne Troy Not So Mini With 3 Playboy Girls
January 13, 2005, 7:34:00

TROYER: 'I PLEASURED THREE PLAYBOY GIRLS'

Management consultant William Fried told eighth-graders at Jane Lathrop Stanford Middle School on Tuesday that stripping and exotic dancing can pay $250,000 or more per year, depending on their bust size.

Paris Hilton Drops 'F-Bomb' On Fire-Dispatch Radio
Hotel Heiress Filming TV Series In New Jersey

POSTED: 7:33 am EST January 20, 2005
UPDATED: 3:03 pm EST January 20, 2005

Controversial heiress Paris Hilton is back in the news in New Jersey, after she apparently made an FCC violation by using obscene language on a publicly broadcast fire-dispatch radio.

Hilton and friend Nicole Richie were in Atlantic City on Jan. 14 filming their television series "The Simple Life 2" at the city's fire station at Mississippi and Atlantic Avenues.

According to witnesses, Hilton gained access to the radio system used to dispatch firefighters. Hilton then said on the live microphone, "Ladder 1, OK, mother (expletive)!"

The use of obscene language on public airwaves, even for fire dispatching, usually falls under the regulation of the Federal Communications Commission. There's no word on if any action will be taken. The expletive was the dreaded "F-bomb" that has landed other public speakers in trouble.

The series was filming at the station after a New Jersey school district declined to allow Hilton and Richie to work as teachers and cafeteria monitors at a middle school earlier this month.

In related news, New Jersey environmental officials have issued summonses to two men who apparently shot a deer for "The Simple Life," even though they had no connection to the program and weren't asked to kill the animal by producers.

The show's producers had strongly denied allegations the alleged poaching was tied to the show.

The show's third season, which premieres Jan. 26, has the 22-year-old Hilton and co-star Richie traveling the nation, working as interns in a series of menial jobs.

Conservatives Pick Soft Target: A Cartoon Sponge
By DAVID D. KIRKPATRICK

Published: January 20, 2005

WASHINGTON, Jan. 19 - On the heels of electoral victories barring same-sex marriage, some influential conservative Christian groups are turning their attention to a new target: the cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants.

"Does anybody here know SpongeBob?" Dr. James C. Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family, asked the guests Tuesday night at a black-tie dinner for members of Congress and political allies to celebrate the election results.

SpongeBob needed no introduction. In addition to his popularity among children, who watch his cartoon show, he has become a well-known camp figure among adult gay men, perhaps because he holds hands with his animated sidekick Patrick and likes to watch the imaginary television show "The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy."

Now, Dr. Dobson said, SpongeBob's creators had enlisted him in a "pro-homosexual video," in which he appeared alongside children's television colleagues like Barney and Jimmy Neutron, among many others. The makers of the video, he said, planned to mail it to thousands of elementary schools to promote a "tolerance pledge" that includes tolerance for differences of "sexual identity."

The video's creator, Nile Rodgers, who wrote the disco hit "We Are Family," said Mr. Dobson's objection stemmed from a misunderstanding. Mr. Rodgers said he founded the We Are Family Foundation after the Sept. 11 attacks to create a music video to teach children about multiculturalism. The video has appeared on television networks, and nothing in it or its accompanying materials refers to sexual identity. The pledge, borrowed from the Southern Poverty Law Center, is not mentioned on the video and is available only on the group's Web site.

Mr. Rodgers suggested that Dr. Dobson and the American Family Association, the conservative Christian group that first sounded the alarm, might have been confused because of an unrelated Web site belonging to another group called "We Are Family," which supports gay youth.

"The fact that some people may be upset with each other peoples' lifestyles, that is O.K.," Mr. Rodgers said. "We are just talking about respect."

Mark Barondess, the foundation's lawyer, said the critics "need medication."

On Wednesday however, Paul Batura, assistant to Mr. Dobson at Focus on the Family, said the group stood by its accusation.

"We see the video as an insidious means by which the organization is manipulating and potentially brainwashing kids," he said. "It is a classic bait and switch."

Boy Sues Math Teacher Who Assigned Summer Homework
Teen, Dad Say School Has No Authority Over Students During Summer

POSTED: 11:47 am EST January 20, 2005

MILWAUKEE -- A suburban Milwaukee teen and his dad are suing the boy's math teacher for assigning homework to be done over summer vacation.

Peer Larson , 17, and his father, Bruce Larson, say teachers have no legal authority to make students do schoolwork over summer vacation because the state-mandated, 180-day school year is over.

Mr. Larson says it's poor public policy. He says the students are still children and need a break during the summer months from increased pressure.

The teen attends Whitnall High School. The lawsuit filed in Milwaukee County Circuit Court also names the math department chairwoman, principal, school district and state superintendent.

Now, Dr. Dobson said, SpongeBob's creators had enlisted him in a "pro-homosexual video," in which he appeared alongside children's television colleagues like Barney and Jimmy Neutron, among many others. The makers of the video, he said, planned to mail it to thousands of elementary schools to promote a "tolerance pledge" that includes tolerance for differences of "sexual identity".

It seems that summer is a time for lazy days, homework, and a lawsuit. (http://www.local6.com/education/4111678/detail.html)

Spidey creator sticks it to Marvel

BY ROBERT GEARTY and TRACY CONNOR
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITERS

Ka-Pow? Try ka-ching!

Spider-Man creator Stan Lee has won a major victory in a lawsuit against Marvel Comics after a judge ruled he's entitled to 10% of the profits from movies and toys based on the superheroes he created.

It's a windfall that could turn a goblin green with envy.

Since the company raked in $50 million from the first Spider-Man movie and sold more than $100 million worth of web-slinger products in 2002 alone, Lee, 82, is in for a huge payday.

The decision by Manhattan Federal Judge Robert Sweet also applies to films and TV shows about other characters Lee dreamed up, including the Incredible Hulk, Daredevil, the X-Men and the Fantastic Four.

"I'm very gratified by the judge's decision although, since I'm so deeply fond of Marvel and the people there, I sincerely regret that the situation had to come to this," Lee said.

His lawyer Howard Graff noted that Lee had been working for Marvel since he was a teenager and created its best-known characters. "He believes the company reflects his life-long work and effort," Graff said.

Lee sued Marvel in 2002, claiming the company had breached his 1998 contract to act as a spokesman for the comic book giant and was cheating him of millions from its Hollywood ventures.

The judge agreed that Marvel must fork over a tenth of any profit it makes from movies, TV shows or products made by its toy division.

Marvel said it intends to appeal, but it's already taking a beating in the court of public opinion.

At Forbidden Planet near Union Square, customers said Manhattan-based Marvel should show Lee more respect - and more money.

"There wouldn't be a Spider-Man without Stan Lee," said Rodney Ramos, 39, a comic book artist from the East Village. "Imagine Microsoft without Bill Gates."

Spaceballs Being Retooled for TV
Source: Variety
January 20, 2005

Mel Brooks' wacky 1987 "Star Wars" spoof Spaceballs is being retooled for television via a three-way project involving the producer, MGM TV and German company BFC, reports Variety.

Brooks is partnering with Berliner Film Co., whose principal pitched the idea to the producer some months ago, and with MGM, which owns the rights to the original movie. Variety says the idea is to deliver an animated TV series that takes on the latest wave of sci-fi and fantasy icons, including the "Star Wars" prequels and "The Lord of the Rings."

Brooks will be working with his Producers collaborator Thomas Meehan, who co-wrote the Spaceballs movie, to produce the pilot and supervise the writing of the other episodes.

Brooks will again voice two of the returning characters, President Skroob and Yogurt. He's also voicing a character in 20th Century Fox's upcoming Robots.

Under the agreement with Brooks, BFC and MGM will produce an hourlong pilot and 13 half-hour episodes.

Big money says Ned Flanders is gay -18/01/05

Large wagers are being placed that the devout Christian character in the Simpsons, Ned Flanders, is to be "outed" in an upcoming episode.

Rumours have been circulating since last summer on who it might be, after producers of the hit cartoon series announced that it would feature the gay marriage of one of its lead characters in a new episode, expected to be aired in this month.

 In recent weeks however the debate and speculation have turned into big money wagers according to betting firms.

Although Ned Flanders is not the favourite, being posted as 15/1, several large wagers have been placed on his character, which has come as a surprise to the bookmaker BetUs.com

"Don't be surprised if the gay character is Flanders," said Mike Foreman from the company. "Can you imagine the controversy Matt Groening and writers will create if Ned comes out of the closet!"

"It appears that many of our customers have an opinion on who the gay character is," said Foreman.

"We've taken more than 900 bets, mostly on Patty and Smithers."

Marge's sister Patty was the favourite at 4/5 with Smithers trailing at 4/1 to be "outed."

"We were positive that Patty would be the bettors' favourite, seeing that she has been identified in many online sources as the gay character thanks to a leak at Fox," says Foreman. "Nevertheless, it seems that our customers believe that Patty is just a rumour planted by the network to throw viewers off."

Critically acclaimed for its fresh and creative storylines, The Simpsons is the longest running cartoon featured on prime-time television in the US.

The Archbishop of Canterbury is among fans of the show, and has previously said that he would look "very seriously" at an invitation to appear on The Simpsons after it was reported that the show's producers were poised to invite him onto the animated show.

The show's moral and religious dimension has also been the subject of a book: 'The Gospel According to the Simpsons'

Pop Idol judge Simon Cowell has appeared on the show as has Prime Minister Tony Blair, U2, the Rolling Stones, Sir Paul McCartney, Leonard Nimoy, Mel Gibson and Sting.

Rolling Stone Magazine Rejects Ad For Bible

POSTED: 7:20 am EST January 20, 2005

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. -- You can find plenty of babes, booze and bongs in Rolling Stone magazine, but you won't seen an ad for the Bible.

The nation's largest Bible publisher said the rock publication has rejected an ad for a new translation of the Bible aimed at young people. Doug Lockhart, a VP of Zondervan, a division of HarperCollins Publishers, said they're surprised and disappointed. He said the company paid Rolling Stone for the ad space last July.

USA Today quoted a Rolling Stone executive as saying it's not in the business of publishing advertising for religious messages. While Rolling Stone won't advertise the new Bible, MTV.com will.

Doc in disgrace
RESPECTED MEDICO USED HOSPITAL COMPUTER TO WEBCAST SORDID SEX WITH HOOKER, MIKE STROBEL LEARNS
By MIKE STROBEL

 BRILLIANT PHYSICIAN hires call girl. Things go downhill from there.

They play doctor, and then some, for six months.

He gives her narcotics.

He hires her as his assistant at St. Joseph's Hospital in London, Ont., where he is a respected rheumatologist, epidemiologist and professor of internal medicine.

Then he posts photos of their trysts on the Web. Spiced up even more by porn tales penned by him.

He does this FROM A HOSPITAL COMPUTER!

Not so brilliant, for a guy listed as Dr. Kevin Patrick White, MD, BA Chem, PhD, FRCPC, IntMed, Rheum, in the 2004 Canadian Medical Directory.

Saucy photos are not his only contribution to the Internet.

White, 45, has authored many papers, taught many classes, given many speeches, broken much ground in rheumatology, especially in the study of chronic pain, fibromyalgia.

He does not look like a giant of medicine, hunkered beside his lawyer in a hearing room at the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario.

Ichabod Crane, more like. Mousy. Spectacled. Balding from the front, hair swept forward at the sides.

He wears earthy tweed with elbow patches, over a drab olive sweater, white collar, brown pants and black loafers.

ACCUSATION OF INCOMPETENCE

The college wants to add DDU to his resume: Disgraceful, Dishonourable, Unprofessional. It also accuses him of incompetence. He pleads guilty.

A panel is deciding, at its College St. digs, whether to pull his licence or let him keep it with conditions.

He has been suspended since March, when his hospital discovered uploads and downloads that are not, strictly speaking, medical.

The college hearing identifies the hooker/patient/employee only as Patient A.

An agreed statement of facts says she and the doc conducted business "on numerous occasions" from August 2001, when he phoned her escort agency, to January 2002.

Several times White took photos of Patient A performing fellatio on him.

She agreed, on the condition they not show her face.

How either thought that was positionally possible is not explained.

PRESCRIPTIONS FOR HER

Sure enough, Patient A was front and centre. The photos and stories were "sexually graphic and degrading" to her.

In January 2002, White hired Patient A to assist him at the hospital. The agreed statement does not describe her duties.

He began writing prescriptions for her in December 2001.

Between September 2002, and February 2004, he gave her narcotics, knowing she was severely hooked on opiates.

"In this way, Dr. White enabled the patient's addiction to continue longer than it might have under professional guidance." White has no training in addiction medicine.

He wrote only five clinical notes about Patient A, though he saw her at least twice a week. But from Dec. 7, 2002, to May 17, 2003, he billed OHIP for 140 services on her totalling $4,687.45.

Even after -- until last February -- he prescribed opiates for Patient A and visited her home three times a day to shoot her up with Lorazepam.

By now you are wondering: Why? What drove an admired professor and physician down this sordid path?

Well, White has an explanation. It is a doozy.

It belies his resume. "It's absolutely at the far end of the brilliance of this man," says his lawyer, David Little.

"You will not believe his story," says Little, without irony.

He hints at dark secrets in White's family history.

It is "incredible." It is "sad."

Then White takes the stand and tells it. And his lawyer is right. Incredible and sad.

But I cannot tell you what White said. Not yet.

The college slaps a ban on his testimony. It buys Little's argument that what White says might jeopardize the disgraced doc's own rights and privacy as a patient.

"The absolutely unacceptable behaviour of White is not anything other than a disease," says Little, and White is "in treatment" for it.

"The play-by-play stuff is sensationalism at best." At worst, it might keep White from a cure, says Little.

Dunno. There is the small matter of the public's right to know what our docs are up to.

Today college prosecutor Carolyn Silver is to finish cross-examining White. The panel will decide whether to lift the ban, or parts of it, and I can tell you what's underneath.

Better have your meds handy.

17 out of the 20

Didn't you post that before?

Nev. Man Castrates Himself to Lower Libido

RENO, Nev. - A 50-year-old Reno man who was hospitalized after he castrated himself told police he learned of the procedure on the Internet and did so to lower his libido. The man, whose name was not released, called 911 at about 1:30 a.m. Monday and asked for help because he could not stop the bleeding from a self-castration operation, police said.

Reno police and medics responded to the man's home and he was taken by ambulance to the hospital.

Washoe Medical Center officials cited privacy issues on why they could not release any information on the man, including his condition. But police said hospital officials confirmed Wednesday the man successfully castrated himself.

"The man obviously needs some sort of counseling," Reno police Lt. Ron Donnelly told the Reno Gazette-Journal.

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Tara Reid swears flashing her breast was accident

Associated Press
Jan. 21, 2005 08:57 AM

NEW YORK - Tara Reid says she had no idea she was flashing the paparazzi when the strap of her dress slipped off her left shoulder as she walked the red carpet at Sean "P. Diddy" Combs' 35th birthday party last year.

"I swear to you, I had no idea that had happened," Reid said in an interview Thursday on the syndicated entertainment TV show "Access Hollywood." Excerpts were released in advance.

"I had a fur coat on, so when I took the coat off, the coat was heavy, and the strap came out with the coat. They were like, 'Tara, let me see the dress, let me see the dress.' ... I didn't see the strap fall down, so I'm smiling like an idiot. ... Then, when someone came up to me, I was like, 'Oh, I'm so embarrassed!' "

 The 29-year-old actress said she was upset at the photographers' reaction to her wardrobe malfunction.

"I just hated that the paparazzi were high-fiving each other and laughing," she said. "It was so cruel. But it happened and ... you move on."

Reid also said she doesn't understand why she's labeled a party girl.

"What's the worst I've ever done? Dance on a table? Like, get drunk and dance on a table, what's so bad about that?"

Reid added that now that she's getting older, she's "calming down a lot."

Norwegians Confused by Bush Salute

Fri Jan 21, 8:55 AM ET   

OSLO, Norway - Many Norwegian television viewers were shocked to see U.S. President George W. Bush (news - web sites) and family apparently saluting Satan during the U.S. inauguration.

But in reality, it was just a sign of respect for the University of Texas Longhorns, whose fans are known to shout out "Hook 'em, horns!" at athletic events.

The president and family were photographed lifting their right hands with their index and pinky fingers raised up, much like a horn.

But in much of the world those "horns" are a sign of the devil. In the Nordics, the hand gesture is popular among death metal and black metal groups and fans.

"Shock greeting from Bush daughter," a headline in the Norwegian Internet newspaper Nettavisen said late Wednesday above a photograph of Bush's daughter, Jenna, smiling and showing the sign.

Bush, a former Texas governor, was simply greeting the Texas Longhorn marching band as it passed during a Washington D.C. parade in the president's honor, explained Verdens Gang, Norway's largest newspaper.

Just the same, the Internet was abuzz Thursday with speculation about what the Bushes really mean by the sign.

Holy rollers stopped
Used pages from Bibles to make their cigarettes
By FRANK LANDRY, LEGISLATURE REPORTER

 Holy smokes! Inmates at Headingley Correctional Centre have had their prison-issued Bibles confiscated because too many pages were being ripped from the books and used as rolling papers.

The jail is supposed to be smoke free.

"We're a little bit surprised (inmates) would go to such lengths to try and make a home-made cigarette," said Cathy Sandney, the jail's superintendent.

Sandney said Bibles used to be available for inmates in the living quarters of the prison -- including cell blocks, dorms and common areas. About two weeks ago the chaplains asked for the books to be removed after it was learned Bibles were being defaced and pages were going up in smoke, she said.

Inmates wanting a copy of the Good Book must now ask for it from chaplains, who assess whether the Scriptures will be read or burned, Sandney said.

Tory justice critic Kelvin Goertzen said he finds burning Bibles offensive, but taking away the scriptures is not the answer.

Goertzen said Justice Minister Gord Mackintosh should have hired additional staff to crack down on prison puffers when Headingley and other provincial jails went smoke free in 2003.

"It's a foolish NDP government system where you can get crack pipes on the street for free if you're a cocaine addict but you can't have access to Bibles in prison anymore," Goertzen said.

SUPPORTS CRACKDOWN

Mackintosh declined to comment on the situation at Headingley, saying he was unfamiliar with what's been going on. A spokesman later said Mackintosh supports the crackdown.

The Winnipeg Sun first reported in December inmates in Manitoba's provincial jails were getting around a smoking ban by making "tobacco" from nicotine chewing-pieces and used tea leaves.

Rolling papers are fashioned from pages ripped out of Bibles, apparently because the paper is thin and burns well.

Sandney said guards have never caught an inmate puffing on a holy smoke, but defaced Bibles and a spike in tea bag sales is evidence it's happening. If an inmate is nabbed, they could be forced to pay for the book or even be charged for damaging government property, she said.

Goertzen said tougher sanctions are needed to discourage inmates from smoking.

Headingley inmate Robert Mayo said the jail's policy is an assault on his religious freedom.

Mayo, who is awaiting trail for a violent home invasion, said many prisoners are afraid to ask for copies because they will be ridiculed by other inmates. He's been lending out a personal copy.

"If you take away the written word of the Lord, where else is there to turn?" Mayo said.

Graham Stewart, executive director of the John Howard Society of Canada -- a prisoners' rights group -- said it seems the provincial jail had no choice but to implement the Bible ban.

"We know chaplains have very few resources in prisons -- practically none," Stewart said. "If this was becoming a significant cost factor than they're doing what they have to do to preserve that resource."

January 21, 2005 --  ROBERT De Niro has confirmed he's in talks with Martin Scorsese about a possible sequel to their classic "Taxi Driver." The acting legend, who starred as crazed cabbie Travis Bickle in the gritty 1976 masterpiece, says he and Scorsese have been mulling over script ideas. De Niro, 61, recently told journalists: "I was talking with Martin Scorsese about doing what I guess you'd call a sequel to 'Taxi Driver,' where he is older." The reunion would come just in time for De Niro, whose reputation is eroding with critically panned films like "Meet the Fockers."

Oncogene Plays a Critical Role in Tumor Formation

NEW YORK, January 20, 2005 - Scientists at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center (MSKCC) have identified a new cellular oncogene essential for the development of cancer. Oncogenes are genes that, when mutated or dysfunctional, lead normal cells to become cancerous. The investigators have named the gene POKEMON (for POK Erythroid Myeloid Ontogenic factor). The work is being published in the January 20, 2005, issue of Nature.

"There are a number of genes that can cause cancer, the so-called oncogenes, but Pokemon is unique in that it is needed for other oncogenes to cause cancer." said MSKCC cancer geneticist Pier Paolo Pandolfi, MD, PhD, the senior author of the study. "More important, because the Pokemon protein plays such a crucial role in the formation of cancer, it could prove to be an effective target for new drug therapies."

Pokemon works by controlling the pathways that are required to transform normal cells to cancerous ones. The researchers found that when they "knocked out" the Pokemon gene in mice, that transformation was blocked and cells do not become cancerous. (Knocking out a gene means inactivating it through genetic engineering.) A drug that could block the protein's function in the same way could be a powerful anticancer agent.

"Pokemon is a main switch in the molecular network that leads toward cancer," Dr. Pandolfi added. "If we could turn Pokemon off, it may block this oncogenic circuitry and stall the malignant process."

The investigators confirmed Pokemon's cancer-causing role by inserting the oncogene into mice. Pokemon does its damage by repressing the function of other proteins, including a tumor suppressor called ARF. The mice developed aggressive, fatal forms of lymphoma. In further work, using a technique called tissue micro arrays to study tumor samples from people with many types of cancer, they confirmed that Pokemon is present in very high levels in certain types of B-cell and T-cell lymphomas. They also found that tumors with high levels of Pokemon protein were much more likely to be aggressive.

"Pokemon is a member of a family of proteins that are known to be transcription factors and are mutated in human cancer," said Takahiro Maeda, MD, PhD, a postdoctoral research fellow in Dr. Pandolfi's laboratory who was the paper's first author. "It is likely that the protein plays a role in solid tumors as well, and we now have means to specifically interfere with the activity of these transcription factors."

Other authors on the paper were Robin M. Hobbs, PhD; Taha Merghoub, PhD; Ilhem Guernah, MS; Carlos Cordon-Cardo, MD, PhD; and Julie Teruya-Feldstein, MD from MSKCC; and Arthur Zelent, PhD, of the Institute of Cancer Research in the United Kingdom. The work was supported in part by a grant from the National Cancer Institute.

Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center is the world's oldest and largest institution devoted to prevention, patient care, research and education in cancer. Our scientists and clinicians generate innovative approaches to better understand, diagnose and treat cancer. Our specialists are leaders in biomedical research and in translating the latest research to advance the standard of cancer care worldwide.

"...Dr. Pandolfi added. "If we could turn Pokemon off, it may block this oncogenic circuitry and stall the malignant process."

'Copycat' charged in McD's scheme
Cops say man placed objects in sandwich, then claimed injury
Thursday, January 20, 2005
By Michaelangelo Conte
Journal staff writer

WEST NEW YORK - A Cliffside Park man has been charged with cutting his own mouth with a razor and stuffing his McDonald's chicken sandwich with staples and a paper clip in an apparent copycat attempt to cash in with a lawsuit against the company, officials said.

The incident follows a lawsuit filed earlier this month by Beatriz Bermeo of North Bergen against the same Bergenline Avenue McDonald's, in which she claims she ingested five needles that were inside her chicken sandwich.

 At about 2 p.m. Tuesday, West New York police arrested Jose Rodriguez, 48, and charged him with supplying a false report to law enforcement and tampering with or fabricating evidence, Capt. Robert Antolos said.

Police responding to a call of someone biting into a sandwich containing a sharp object arrived at the McDonald's to find Rodriguez bleeding from the mouth, Antolos said.

Rodriguez had created a scene in the restaurant, showing other customers and police the sandwich, which had staples and a paper clip protruding from it, Antolos said.

Rodriguez was taken to Palisade Medical Center while police began an investigation in which "evidence was recovered at the scene indicating that this new incident was nothing but a scam," Antolos said.

The investigation revealed that Rodriguez ordered a chicken sandwich and took it into the restroom, where he bit into it and spit the portion out into the garbage, Antolos said.

He then placed a row of staples and a bent paper clip into the middle of the sandwich and rewrapped it, Antolos said.

Finally, he took out a razor blade and used it to cut the inside of his mouth before discarding the blade in the garbage, Antolos said.

Rodriguez then walked back into the restaurant, sat down at a table and faked biting the sandwich before pretending to have been cut, Antolos said.

Armed with the evidence, police visited Rodriguez at the hospital and gave him another chance to say what happened, but he gave them the same story, Antolos said.

They then showed him the evidence against him and he admitted he had fabricated the story, Antolos said.

Rodriguez was arrested and his fingerprints and mug shot were taken in the hospital before he was released on his own recognizance to receive treatment for the cut in his mouth, which was serious enough to require stitches, Antolos said.

He said the investigation leading to Rodriguez's arrest used procedures put in place at the restaurant in consultation with police in the aftermath of the Bermeo incident.

Antolos would not comment on whether video security cameras were employed. The case against Rodriguez is to be presented to a grand jury.

Bermeo's lawsuit alleges that on Dec. 29 she was in the restaurant when she bit into a sandwich and pain shot through her, said her attorney, Rosemarie Arnold of Fort Lee.

Bermeo clutched at her throat, thinking she was choking, and her husband opened her mouth, saw two needles stuck in her, and pulled them out, Arnold said.

Bermeo was taken to Palisades Medical Center, where three more needles were surgically removed from her digestive tract, Arnold said, adding that Bermeo spent three days in the hospital before her release. She is suing McDonald's for an unspecified sum, Arnold said.

A criminal investigation is actively being pursued into all aspects of the Bermeo incident, Antolos said yesterday. Antolos credited Detectives Ed Monty, Ray Hernandez and Victor Martinez for the teamwork that led to a quick determination of what happened on Tuesday.

"Hopefully this will stem any copycat crimes," Antolos said.

Dancer's Surgery On Wrong Knee Despite "X" Marking

"X" did not mark the spot where a New York surgeon performed knee surgery on a dance director and choreographer.

A New York hospital and the New York Rangers' hockey team doctor have been ordered to pay $450,000 to Douglas Hall, who had surgery on the wrong knee.

Hall went to St. Vincent's Hospital in November 2001 for arthroscopic surgery on his right knee. Despite marking the right knee with an "X," Doctor Andrew Feldman operated on the left knee.

The parties disagree on how the mix-up happened.

The defense is asking for a reduction or dismissal of the jury award.

Hall, a dancer for 20 years before becoming a choreographer, is now studying drama production.

Student Skins, Cooks Pet Store Animals In Class

POSTED: 10:41 am EST January 21, 2005

THOMPSON, Ohio -- The principal of a high school in Ohio is promising to change the guidelines of a living skills class -- after a student skinned and cooked a rabbit and a Guinea pig in class.
 
The principal said the 16-year-old prepared the animals on Wednesday , adding that the student said he got the teacher's approval.

Now police in the town, which is north of Cleveland, are investigating the matter, as are officials from the humane society. A humane officer said, "Something irrational and wrong happened" -- and added that the agency may bring animal cruelty charges.

However, the principal said the boy's actions aren't criminal.

The animals were bought at a pet store. The student who cooked them said he killed them at home before bringing them to school.

Student Skins, Cooks Pet Store Animals In Class

Now police in the town, which is north of Cleveland, are investigating the matter, as are officials from the humane society. A humane officer said, "Something irrational and wrong happened" -- and added that the agency may bring animal cruelty charges.

Blast from the grave: Hockey fan slams lockout in own obit

January 21, 2005

OTTAWA (AP) -- An ardent hockey fan who died this week used his obituary to denounce the NHL lockout.

Archie Bennitz, 84, instructed his son to criticize NHL commissioner Gary Bettman and union leader Bob Goodenow in his death notice.

Bennitz called Bettman and Goodenow ``skunks for denying him the pleasure of watching the NHL on TV this year,'' the obituary in the Ottawa Citizen read. Bennitz also urged Bettman to step aside in favor of Wayne Gretzky.

David Bennitz said his father had become increasingly angry during his last month in the hospital as the lockout dragged on. Hockey was the only thing he watched on TV.

Bennitz, who was born in Nova Scotia and grew up just north of Toronto, was a dedicated Maple Leafs fan. He developed a soft spot for the Ottawa Senators, however, after he moved to Ottawa about three years ago to be closer to his family.

ARVADA, Colo. (AP) - A 40-year-old Arvada woman who police say wanted to be seen as a, "cool mom", is suspected of supplying drugs and alcohol to high school boys, and having sex with them.

Sylvia Johnson faces charges of sexual assault and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Police say she had parties for the boys almost every week between October 2003 and October 2004.

She's accused of giving them marijuana, methamphetamine and alcohol.

Investigators said Johnson told them she wasn't popular in high school, but recently felt like "one of the group."

Police began investigating her after one of the boys told his mother about the alleged encounters.

A preliminary hearing in the case is set for next month.

Police in California City to Ignore Burglar Alarms

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Police in a prosperous Californian city near San Francisco will begin ignoring most burglar alarms, prompted by too many false alarms and too little money.

Fremont police said the overwhelming majority of warning signals they receive are false alarms that cost the city $600,000 a year. Because of budget cuts, starting next month they will only respond if they have additional verification, such as a video feed of a crime occurring or a witness report.

"We had 7,000 alarm calls last year and 66 of those were burglary," police chief Craig Steckler told KTVU television. "What do you want us to do?"

Several large cities have similar policies, including Salt Lake City, Milwaukee and Las Vegas, the police department said.

The city estimates 41 percent of Fremont's 209,000 residents earn more than $100,000 a year.

But California's state and local governments have faced money problems in recent years. Salinas, author John Steinbeck's hometown, recently said it would close all its libraries for financial reasons.

Mounties seek dildo thief
 
VANCOUVER (CP) -- The Mounties are on the hunt for a man who made off with three vibrators from a suburban adult entertainment store.
 
Police say late Thursday night the man was browsing the aisles of the store when a clerk saw him stuff the vibrators into his clothing.
 
"The clerk clearly witnessed the male fumbling and stuffing three expensive battery operated male appendages in his clothing and decided to intercept this shoplifter," the RCMP said in a news release on Friday.
 
"The employee asked the male if he was going to need batteries for these objects. The male calmly stated 'No,' and then panicked and fled, running out of the store with the three objects, minus batteries."
 
Police described the suspect as about 22-years-old, standing five-foot-six and weighing 150 pounds, with a thin moustache and short sandy blond hair.

ARVADA, Colo. (AP) - A 40-year-old Arvada woman who police say wanted to be seen as a, "cool mom", is suspected of supplying drugs and alcohol to high school boys, and having sex with them.

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Star-crossed and suffering

    People heartbroken by the Brad-Jennifer breakup viewed the celebrity couple's marriage as proof that "happily ever after" could come true. ... Oh, well.

By KELLEY BENHAM, Times Staff Writer
Published January 22, 2005

 Yes, we know there is great suffering in the world, sorrow and awfulness. Tsunamis and mudslides. Politics. War. We have reporters working on that stuff. Thanks for the tips, though.

And no, Cecilee Schirmer, you are not alone.

Yes, there are others feeling sick and sad and a little heartbroken, and asking themselves which is worse: the Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston breakup or their reaction to it.

We asked, and caller after caller said this hurt worse, for some reason, than Ben and J. Lo, Tom and Nicole, Demi and Bruce, worse even than Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton (either time). Maybe that's silly. Lots of people were shy about how they felt.

None of them knew Brad and Jen. But maybe when you think about it, this isn't really about Brad and Jen anyway.

Like anything that makes your heart hurt, it's more personal than that.

She'd just seen the Star at the Publix checkout. It assured her everything was fine and a baby was in the works.

Then came that awful morning when she woke up and her husband turned on the television like always and the Today show was talking about the breakup. First she only half-heard it. Then it settled in. Then she understood.

Sadness overwhelmed her.

She could not understand why she felt this way. Cecilee Schirmer is 60, a retired paralegal in Spring Hill. She has children and grandchildren and a husband and a life. Brad and Jen are not aware that she exists.

The sick feeling lingered all day. She told herself how pathetic this was. Pathetic and stupid and none of her business. But still.

She called her 34-year-old daughter. "Mom, they're movie stars, what do you want?"

She called her 11-year-old granddaughter. "You know, Gram, you just can't get into these movie people. You just don't know where they're coming from."

She knows this is true.

She ironed her pillowcases to stay busy. She has not ironed pillowcases in 40 years.

"I don't know. I'm questioning myself. Where am I coming from? Is it that, gee, I haven't dealt with my own life because I'm living life through Brad and Jen and now that there's no baby what am I going to do?

"I'm trying to hold my own marriage together, so why do I care about Brad and Jen?"

The morning after the breakup, her husband asked her if she wanted him to turn on the TV.

No, she told him. No more morning news. No more Extra.

"I don't want to know," she says. "I need to regroup."

* * *

Like a lot of people, Charlene Lewis can't believe she's bothered by this. But everyone wants to believe in fairy tales, even at 45.

To her, Brad and Jen were like Ken and Barbie. Ken and Barbie, plastic and perfect, are supposed to last. Brad and Jen should stay skinny forever and repopulate Hollywood with pretty babies.

Anything else is so ... human.

Looking back, Santa Claus was the first fantasy to crumble. Then the tooth fairy. Then the notion that parents are infallible. Then the first marriage.

Then Princess Diana, and so much for Prince Charming, and now this.

"You're just still hoping or wishing there's still something magical out there," said Mrs. Lewis, who lives in Largo. "You want someone to make it."

Her second marriage is fabulous. She still believes in Happily Ever After.

Remember how nice it was, though, when every story ended that way?

* * *

She had it figured out in fourth grade.

"The whole world's mixed up," she told her mom. "They're thinking about money and this and that. It's all about love, mom. Isn't it?"

Now Esther Rupp is 59. "I'm an old lady," she says. "But I still believe that."

She teaches middle school in Plant City, and consoles the brokenhearted every day. Her own heart was first clobbered in seventh grade, and she remembers how that hurt. She tells her students they will break up with everyone but the last one.

"And the last one," she says, "is going to be so cool."

She met a boy in high school and she knew he would be the last one. They didn't date then, just sat on the steps and talked about their crushes and disappointments. Then he joined the military and she noticed how good he looked in uniform. Then she married him. She was absolutely certain it would last forever.

She thinks Brad and Jen must have felt like that once. Everyone feels like that once, if they're lucky.

Her marriage lasted 20 years, but not forever. He died in a motorcycle accident, and just like that, she would not grow old with him after all.

In his place was emptiness. A lonely uncertainty. She thinks Brad and Jen must feel some of that now.

She's not obsessed with celebrities. She's in love with love. She figures no matter who you are or how old you get, it is as thrilling and as devastating.

"Nothing feels the same," she says.

It turns out her last one wasn't who she thought it was. She found someone new, despite the magazine articles that told her it would never happen.

He makes her tea when she doesn't even ask for it and brings her roses on Monday mornings.

She wants that for Brad and Jen. She wants it for everyone. One more chance.

* * *

They were in the living room. He said, "I just heard that Brad and Jen broke up."

She said: "That's not funny."

How could he joke about something like that with their wedding just two months away? She brushed it off and went to take a shower.

Then he was banging on the door. Said he wasn't kidding.

"You're confused, Michael." Jennifer Garner maybe. Jennifer Lopez. Not Jennifer Aniston.

She heard her voice getting louder. You're confused! You're thinking Ben and Jen! Liar!

Jessica Wallace, 30, and Michael Milisci, 35, have been together five years. They watched Friends together, saw 12 Monkeys, Troy, Ocean's Eleven and Ocean's Twelve.

They felt connected to Brad and Jen. Sort of imagined their marriages would parallel each other. Maybe their kids would grow up together. Sort of.

"I would die to meet either one of them," Jessica says. "But not in a psycho way."

Michael had a dream about them. They were in Mexico and Brad and Jen had the room next door and they were all hanging out together.

Not like they were famous or anything, just hanging out like normal people. When Jessica finally accepted the news, she felt like it had happened to friends.

"I wanted to call Brad up and say, "Hey, what's the problem?"'

Maybe the wedding stress is freaking her out. She doesn't think this is some kind of sign. But divorce is everywhere, and model marriages are rare. Her parents are divorced. Her grandparents seem happy, but can you really tell? Brad and Jen seemed happy.

She's sure that she and Michael will be happy.

They live in Holiday. That's a long, long way from Hollywood.

* * *

It was dark and they were falling asleep.

Linda Flack, for whatever reason, turned to her husband and said, "I can't believe Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have broken up."

Stan didn't say anything. He's a sensitive guy, but apparently this did not interest him. So Linda just kept talking.

"You'd think with everything they had going for them, all that money, great careers, they'd have a shot at making it."

She's not sure why Brad and Jen even came into her head. Maybe it's that when you have a happy marriage, you want everyone to have a happy marriage. She has known Stan since high school. Sometimes, she wonders if they would have been too independent to make it work if they'd met later. Sometimes, he does something irritating and she thinks, "If this were a date, I'd ask him not to call back." But it has been 20 years and three kids and a dog and house in Seminole, and she has never been able to imagine a future without him. He knew it was right before she did, but how do you ever really know?

Then came Stan's quiet voice. "I don't know why you think about these things," he said.

"Give me the guy whose hours have been cut from his job, and no, there is no extra money to do this or that, and yet he and his wife manage to stay together. That's reality. Not Hollywood."

They laughed a little, and he said, "Can we go to sleep now?"

She was thinking that she married the right person. And he had just reminded her why.

Kelley Benham can be reached at 727 893-8848 or benham@sptimes.com

The "elephant' in the room

I can remember hearing the news as if it were only yesterday, or at least very recently. I was driving to work, channel surfing on the car radio. The news reported Brad and Jen were calling it quits. I nearly had an accident. Luckily, the coffee spilled onto the passenger seat and not my new white shirt. I pulled to the shoulder of the road. The breakup news was big. It was on all the stations. Well, except for NPR. They were talking about tsunami relief, upcoming Middle East elections and changes to the Social Security system. Unbelievable! No reports about Brad and Jen. They wonder why they have to do pledge drives to stay on the air. I quickly changed the channel.

At work, tension was everywhere. We tried to keep our minds off the breakup. We talked about job responsibilities for the day. We started working. Who were we trying to fool? No one wanted to acknowledge the "elephant" in the room. Not one of my colleagues talked about the breakup that day, or the next, or the next. In fact, they have yet to talk about it. I don't know how they keep it all in. It can't be good. Call Dr. Phil!

As a nation we have had much to endure. First, the Lopezes call it quits. Now, the Pitts have destroyed our romantic fantasy, too. We lost Ben and Jen. Then, we lose Brad and Jen. For my sanity and comfort I turn to the only couple who have never let me down. I am drowning my sorrows in a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream.

Strength America,

John E. Ruddy

St. Petersburg

She should just hang herself then...I mean really, does anyone here really give a flying fuck about celeb news?

I killed 7 people that day, including myself. Twice.

 
Wau Schild, that was unbelievably funny, in a PWOT kinda way. Made my morning, thank you.

 - meg

I wasn't aware anyone actually read this thread. I figured all the page views were from my refresh script I run on this thread at night when I'm sleeping.

"I would die to meet either one of them," Jessica says. "But not in a psycho way."

AFAIK, PWOT means "pointless waste of time."

That is indeed correct sir. You don't, perchance, post there, do you?

I quit posting there because I'd won the game.

This place needs more funny.

Harry Potter fans pay homage at graveside of British soldier in Israel

Tue Jan 25, 9:11 AM ET
   
JERUSALEM (AFP) - Fans of literary boy wizard Harry Potter have been beating a path to the tomb of a 19-year-old British soldier who is buried in a cemetery close to Tel Aviv.

Corporal Harry Potter, a member of the Royal Worcestershire regiment, was killed 66 years ago during fighting in the southern West Bank town of Hebron and was subsequently laid to rest in a cemetery in the town of Ramle.

"Every day tourists and visitors come wanting to see Harry's grave," the cemetery's custodian Ibrahim Huri told the Maariv daily on Tuesday.

"At first I didn't know why they were interested in this grave, but then I was told there were books and movies about him."

The local council has recently added the grave to the official tourist guide.

"There is great interest and curiosity over Harry's grave," Ramle deputy mayor said. "We want to make an historical investigation into the soldier killed in Hebron when he was only 19."

Feeling lonely? (http://www.google.com/search?sa=X&oi=fwp&pb=f&q=%22Sylvia+Johnson%22+arvada)

I have a sneaking suspicion that it would be very funny to see you dance for real.

Anyone looking for a new computer desk? (http://www.ikea.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10101&storeId=12&productId=25905&langId=-1&parentCats=10121*10390)

care instructions
Wipe clean using a damp cloth and a mild cleaner.
Wipe dry with a clean cloth

It seems the Smoking Gun has the goods on our favorite mom (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0124051partymom1.html).

(http://www.f13.net/images/ourfavmom.jpg)

Paige Davis has been sacked by TLC (http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,15766,00.html?tnews). Rumor has it that the channel was not happy that stories continue to circulate about a sex tape on the 'net, following public pictures (NSFW) (http://www.anothersite.co.uk/paige-davis-strip.htm) of her stripping at a party.  From a channel that calls itself The Learning Channel, you would think that they would have learned from Paris how good this is for ratings.

It seems the Smoking Gun has the goods on our favorite mom (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0124051partymom1.html).

(http://www.f13.net/images/ourfavmom.jpg)

Good, she annoys me. Replace her with a chick with a bigger rack and possibly a sexy accent. I suggest Heidi Klum.

No one is certain what George Lucas might put in the final film. Rumors of a Jar Jar/ewok love scene and a musical scene involving Emperor Palpatine have fans of every generation on edge.

Gloria Wilkens from Lucasfilms said, "Mr. Lucas realizes how important the films are to millions of fans around the globe and appreciates their concerns. That is why he's taken even more control of Episode III than any of the other films."

"Nooooooooooooooo..." sobbed Hymer.

Man Hopes Episode III Doesn't Ruin His Childhood. (http://www.bbspot.com/News/2003/02/episode3.html)  "What if the Jedi turn out to the bad guys? What if there really is no 'force?' It could alter my reality in an awful way."

I'm sure you geniuses are aware that BBspot is a parody/satire site.

I'm sure you geniuses are aware that BBspot is a parody/satire site.

I'm sure you geniuses are aware that BBspot is a parody/satire site.

Find him a new avatar, Signe. School him in your ways.

Which once again proves my theory: Germans love David Hasselhoff!

Bah!  That might be an schild-like picture but he would NEVER flip off a kitten.  I think you're JOE!

I think if you "let" your daughter wear that to the prom, you shouldn't expect her to be in by curfew. You should also issue her a condom with it.

Yes 7 of 9 was a walking boner. No doubts there.

The sad part of that dress is, 9 out 10 girls that buy it will look awful in it. It's not flattering at all.

Conn. Bar to Hold 'Naked Karaoke' Contest

Wednesday, February 9, 2005

(02-09) 13:56 PST BERLIN, Conn. (AP) --

After a yearlong fight with the town, a bar is going ahead with a plan to have patrons belt out ballads in the buff. On Saturday night, the Berlin Station Cafe is scheduled to hold its controversial "Naked Karaoke" event.

The bar has been under fire ever since co-owner Marty St. Pierre put up a fake sign advertising the event as a joke more than a year ago. The establishment's neighbors called Town Hall to complain, and St. Pierre was told he could face fines or arrest if he operated the naked musical performance without a permit.

But St. Pierre's business partner David Koskoff, who is also an attorney, sued the town in March, claiming that the ordinance was illegal, and the owners won their lawsuit.

"Now we're just fulfilling," St. Pierre said. "It's a completely voluntary activity. It's not like I'm paying people to do karaoke with clothing optional."

St. Pierre said 120 people have signed up for "Naked Karaoke" on Saturday night, but he is unsure of how many people will actually show up and bare all.

Cops stop U-Haul, bust kegger in back
Associated Press
February 10, 2005
   
ROCK HILL, S.C. -- Police found more than they bargained for when they stopped a U-Haul truck with a burned-out taillight.

Instead of furniture in the back, police on Monday found a rolling keg party with about 20 people drinking whiskey and beer. Eleven people were charged with underage drinking.

``They all kind of froze and didn't know what to do, I guess,'' officer Robert Marshall said.

The partygoers told police they rented the truck for someone's 21st birthday party because the bars were closed. The moving party was traveling streets without a particular destination.

The truck's driver first told police he was hauling a couch for a friend, according to police reports. But Marshall said he became suspicious after hearing scratching noises in the back of the vehicle.

The truck's driver was charged with reckless driving because the people in the back could have been injured, police said. Officers allowed the partygoers to call for rides and no one was arrested.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

British woman sentenced for ripping off ex's testicle

REUTERS

LONDON -- A British woman was sentenced to 2 1/2 years in jail today for ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands during a drunken brawl after he refused her sex.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage in May last year after Geoffrey Jones, 37, who had ended their long-term relationship, rejected her advances.

She grabbed him by the genitals, tearing off his left testicle, then hid it in her mouth before a friend of Jones handed it back to him saying "that's yours."

Monti, of Birkenhead, near Liverpool, pleaded guilty to unlawful wounding at an earlier hearing.

Stampede at Opening of London IKEA Store

By MICHAEL McDONOUGH, Associated Press Writer

Thursday, February 10, 2005

(02-10) 02:19 PST LONDON, United Kingdom (AP) --

A man was stabbed and five other people were taken to hospital after thousands of customers caused a stampede at the midnight opening of a new IKEA furniture store in north London, British authorities said Thursday. The Swedish retailer expressed regret at the incident.

The stabbing victim, a man in his 20s, was attacked at around 1:30 a.m. near the IKEA store, a spokeswoman for London's Metropolitan Police said, adding that his condition did not appear life-threatening.

The new IKEA warehouse in the Edmonton district had been due to operate 24 hours to mark the opening, but shut until further notice after some 40 minutes because of the unexpectedly large crowds.

Some 6,000 people flocked to the Swedish furniture store, which had been offering special bargains including leather sofas for $84.

Many customers abandoned their vehicles in the middle of a major road near the shop and walked to the store, causing severe traffic jams, police said. In addition to the stabbing victim, one patient was taken to hospital with chest pains and four others were treated for minor injuries, a London Ambulance Service spokesman said.

IKEA said it had opened 12 other stores in Britain before and was stunned by the Edmonton stampede.

"IKEA could never have predicted and are genuinely overwhelmed at the outcome of the evening and the consequences that the opening of a home furnishing retailer has had," the retailer said in a statement.

The store was forced to close 41 minutes after it opened, an IKEA spokeswoman said.

Assistant Divisional Officer William Bird, of the London Fire Service, said he had never seen anything like the crush before.

"It was extraordinary and to a certain extent unexpected," Bird told British Broadcasting Corp. radio. "There were crush injuries and people suffering from shock from the pushing and shoving."

I've heard of lighting farts, but when one actually goes out of one's way to light their pubes on fire, sterilization is the only answer.

Melted genitalia is high comedy.

I gotta go with the redhead.

That fire would have died out before it ever got to their nether regions.. did you see how much forest it would have had to plow through?

Holy hairball.

That's gross.

On a side note, those people should have their testicles removed so as not to breed.

Based on that video, I'm pretty sure none of them has had to worry about that for quite some time.

Broken link there, Flapjack.

Look at her breast area. Her "padding" is slipping out under the left breast and it's being squeezed out on top of the right one. The photographers at SI really really really suck.

I just don't know what to do with this link (http://www.partylenses.com/RegularArticles/DrunkDorm.htm). It's not really safe for eyes.

Each doll is 9 inches tall, and that sparkle in their eyes? That's the Joy of the Lord!

It seems that summer is a time for lazy days, homework, and a lawsuit. (http://www.local6.com/education/4111678/detail.html)

Judge Dismisses Lawsuit Over Homework (http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=816&ncid=816&e=3&u=/ap/20050309/ap_on_re_us/homework_lawsuit)

50 minutes ago

MILWAUKEE - A judge threw out a high school student's lawsuit against mandatory summer homework, saying he and his father should have done a little more studying themselves before bringing the case.

Students in the Whitnall High School math course — honors pre-calculus — were supposed to do three assignments by certain dates over the summer. Peer Larson, 17, and his father, Bruce, had filed suit in Circuit Court, arguing that homework should not be required after the 180-day academic year is over.

The Larsons argued it was difficult for the boy to do the assignments because he had a summer job as a camp counselor. They also said students should be able to enjoy their summers free of homework.

But it's up to school boards to decide such things, Judge Richard J. Sankovitz ruled Tuesday.

"Had the Larsons done a bit more homework," he wrote, they would had learned that "the people of our state granted to the Legislature ... the power to establish school boards."

Bruce Larson said he had not immediately decided whether to appeal. He said the judge ignored a key issue — whether it was reasonable for a school to spring "three lengthy assignments" on students just before summer vacation began.

I once had an adjunct tell me that my creations were "wrong" because they were "too chaotic" and were therefore "not art."

For any of you that are in college - There is No Such Thing as Art Theory.

There are three types of artists. Most people fall into the 'crappy artist' category. I do, spent a few years as an art major to learn that. If not for the band, I'd have moved to the second largest category, the 'con-man'. See: Andy Warhol. Modern art usually falls into this category, the stuff just isn't that tough to create, but it always has some lame-ass 'explanation' (the con) for why it's 'art'. "This orange blob? It represents teh hopes and desires of the unborn fetus, protean and unformed." No, it's a blob of fucking paint you are charging $250,000 for. But hey, who am I to criticize, people pay for that line of bullshit. Good capitalism, a good american.

Then there is the vast minority of truly talented artists, who deserve more than they'lll ever get in their lifetime.

There's Art Theory 101 by Sky.

If not for the band, I'd have moved to the second largest category, the 'con-man'. See: Andy Warhol. Modern art usually falls into this category, the stuff just isn't that tough to create, but it always has some lame-ass 'explanation' (the con) for why it's 'art'. "This orange blob? It represents teh hopes and desires of the unborn fetus, protean and unformed." No, it's a blob of fucking paint you are charging $250,000 for. But hey, who am I to criticize, people pay for that line of bullshit. Good capitalism, a good american.

Where do the "Velvet Elvis" and "Dogs Playing Poker" fit?

as they do it being a means to express only the interpretations (damn the actual subject if need be)

It has been my experience that you can't tell someone who has spent "a few years as an art major" anything about art.

I'd take Bob Ross over Andy Warhol.

Bob Ross was an incredible person. But beyond that, he was a pretty darn good artist when you consider his speed and techniques. Best of all, he was humble and his mission was to show everyone they could be artists, not to be some elitist douchebag who had to explain his art for you to understand it.

Where the hell do you find this shit? What's the "process" here? How do you find useless news?

I mean, damn, I've done my fair share of web surfing for going on 10 years now, but I couldn't even find something like that on accident.

edit: That goes for "Chocolate Yuna" too.

I was just teasing you, really, Sky.  You seemed to be in need of a good, hard teasing.

I think Sky should replace his avatar 

She looks like a normal girl.  What's wrong with you people?

I have no words. I... am at a loss. (http://www.dirtyminutemeals.com/)

"Hi, I'm Rachael Ray, and today, not only am I beating the clock, I'm beatin' the box."

Some people are shocked, I guess, to find that redheads have very faintly visible facial hair, and some women accentuate their eyebrows and lashes with makeup. I mean, look at Sissy Spasek, fer crissakes. You are a callous bunch of turds looking for the next thing to mock from your branch on the tree of superiority.

Meanwhile, she's a huge pop star and you're some punks on a message board wasting time. Teh hate is stupid, read the memo, kids.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled generic rage.

Some people are shocked, I guess, to find that redheads have very faintly visible facial hair, and some women accentuate their eyebrows and lashes with makeup. I mean, look at Sissy Spasek, fer crissakes. You are a callous bunch of turds looking for the next thing to mock from your branch on the tree of superiority.

Meanwhile, she's a huge pop star and you're some punks on a message board wasting time. Teh hate is stupid, read the memo, kids.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled generic rage.

she cooks really stupid food that anyone in 6th grade home ec could make.

Scary pic of the day. (http://deansplanet.com/nomakeup_avril.html) Maybe NSFW banners.

At the risk of outing myself as a female who doesn't have an overbite or rock 250, I'll let you remain in your dark little hole where hot chicks can't cook or play videogames.

Some people are shocked, I guess, to find that redheads have very faintly visible facial hair, and some women accentuate their eyebrows and lashes with makeup. I mean, look at Sissy Spasek, fer crissakes. You are a callous bunch of turds looking for the next thing to mock from your branch on the tree of superiority.

Meanwhile, she's a huge pop star and you're some punks on a message board wasting time. Teh hate is stupid, read the memo, kids.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled generic rage.


Better?

Oh Ho, but are they also usually cuties?

No? That's what I thought.

My wife is a hot chick who doesn't play videogames. She claims she can cook, but, well...

Some days I'm really lucky she doesn't read the shit I post here.

You missed the point, which is that some women have the looks, the game and the sauce.

You're right. I shouldn't have even responded to that nonsense about Rachel Ray. But jeez, guys, don't lower your standards just because you think the whole package is an endangered species! I'm not saying you do (or are), but just don't.

You missed the point, which is that some women have the looks, the game and the sauce.

At the risk of outing myself as a female who doesn't have an overbite or rock 250, I'll let you remain in your dark little hole where hot chicks can't cook or play videogames.

Edit: see later post

Nigella is a hottie. Big cans in tight shirts ftw, as always.

What channel is she on?

She makes regular appearances on Regis and Kath..er Kelly.

She does the occasional show on The Food Network

And she is also on Fine Living.


Women that can also cook...


(http://www.cnn.com/SHOWBIZ/9803/29/two.fat.ladies/women.jpg)

And sad to say, these women probably do rock 250, or however that lily person put it.

But they probably cook a mean pot roast.

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't fuck with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Fuck am I hard no

J-Dogg: You there baby??
Partner2: Yeah I'm here.
J-Dogg: You ready?
Partner2: Okay.
J-Dogg: I take off my trenchcoat I'm nekked beneath, with pistols on my belt.
Partner2: Cowboy boots?
J-Dogg: WWI era trench issue boots.
Partner2: okay...
J-Dogg: Help me pull my boots off baby.
Partner2: Whats that smell?
J-Dogg: Rotting toes.
Partner2: Ummm...
J-Dogg: My boots pop off. My feet are black. The toes crumble off with the slightest touch. The dead black tissue that was once my skin chips off in large crispy flakes. A smell of death pervades the room. Gangrenous pus drips from the ends of the stumps where my toes were. I look deep in your eyes, and shove my tongue down your throat.
Partner2: ...
J-Dogg: You carress my ass, and trim my pubes...

Fairly Goth
You scored 43!
You know some stuff. Chances are you're one of those counter-culture hybrids like goth-punk,electro-goth,or nature-goth.You like the gothic counter-culture and you seek out the bits you like most.I bet you love Tim Burton movies.Chances are you've never seen Switchblade Symphony live before they broke up but you may own a CD.Hey-Tapping the Vein still tours!Your dream profession is probably something where you have total control like owning your own buisness or freelance artist.

29. What religion are you?

Christian/Muslim/Bhuddist
Pagan/Agnostic/Atheist
Scientologist
DISCORDIAN!! WOOOP! NAAA!

Very Goth
You scored 63!

Not only do you know who Switchblade Symphony is, you own every CD and EP they ever put out.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
 
You scored higher than 47% on gothies

20. Which one of these bands are NOT an industrial band?
Laibach
Wumpscut
Black Tape For a Blue Girl
KMFDM

Very Goth
You scored 69! 
You're a Goth. Whether you admit it freely or not there is no denying it. You love the stuff and can't get enough. You decorate your living space in a way that is part morbid part chaotic.I'm sure your music is mostly Goth/Industrial/Darkwave. Wherever you go you're probably dressed mostly in black.Not only do you know who Switchblade Symphony is, you own every CD and EP they ever put out. Your dream profession is definatly something that benifits goths-Tattoo artist, goth DJ, freelance Gothic artist, Gothy comic creator ect.ect.ect... 

The test couldn't be more wrong.  Just because I'm an outcast doesn't make me a goth.  Yes, my wardrobe is 75% or more black, but honestly, I don't listen to goth music or wear makeup or have anything pierced.  I like Goths fine, but I surely am not one.

I like Goths fine, but I surely am not one.

Bruce

Very Goth
You scored 69!

I have never seen a Goth play fantasy league baseball or teach Sunday School.

Many do, and you wouldn't know it.

Goth isn't a fashion statement.

I like Country Music, just as long as it's by someone who's either been to prison, sings about being in prison, sings at prison, or wears all black. And if none of the above, I still may give it a chance if I can hear some good guitar playing.

I like country if it's by Shania Twain, mmhmmm.

Buy this DVD with Saved by the Bell - Seasons 3 & 4 DVD ~ Elizabeth Berkley today!

Naw, she was one of the main characters also, AC Slater's girlfriend, etc. She was probably the closest thing as a parallel to Screech (both smart, but she wasn't as "geeky").

Normal girls fall out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down?

I bet it's all those rouge-like games Avril plays.

I like Country Music, just as long as it's by someone who's either been to prison, sings about being in prison, sings at prison, or wears all black. And if none of the above, I still may give it a chance if I can hear some good guitar playing.

I second that.

good country music

Oxymoron.

The only problem with that is it misses George Jones, I think. And one cannot dismiss George Jones when talking about good country music.

I'm going with Nicholas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez because you never fuck with the Jesus.

Just what I needed to see- a fucking sword-wielding clown in a banana hammock. Guess I can skip meals the rest of the day.

Has anyone watched the horrible home-made trailor for Thundercats (http://www.transbuddha.com/index.php/buddha/thundercats-sometimes-its-possible-to-love-something-a-little-too-much/)? It is sheer hilarity. Hilarity, I tell you! I couldn't link right to it, but just click the jpeg to see it.

Has anyone watched the horrible home-made trailor for Thundercats (http://www.transbuddha.com/index.php/buddha/thundercats-sometimes-its-possible-to-love-something-a-little-too-much/)? It is sheer hilarity. Hilarity, I tell you! I couldn't link right to it, but just click the jpeg to see it.

Oh Jesus shit. Is that Thora Birch? What, not getting any work since Ghost World? Sorry, honey, YOU'LL NEVER BE AS CUTE AS SCARLET! It doesn't mean you need to throw your career away!


Edit: Okay, I just have to revisit this: why is Lion-o at his desk? Where the fuck do these people work? You remember all the Peter Pan dude pix, right?
(http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/Imagezz/peterKellygrn3_480h.jpg)

We don't see it. Thank god for that.

No, that's what I'm talking about - the motherfucker has a block on being able to hotlink his jpegs. Can you balee dat?

furry friends, people of the earth, sages, hello...
server now work again...this internet thing is tricky, very tecknikal...
did you go see THE JIMMY CHAMBERLAIN COMPLEX last night??
i did!! very nice...
go see Jimmy, he loves you more than i do...
but love you i must...
(actually, i love you very much, but don't tell anyone)
because i must sell STUFF...
digital bits, pieces of cardboard, dreams...
check out those "legal" download sites...
pumpkins galore!!! out of tune, fuzzy, brimming with self-assurance, full of hope!!
who knew? (not me...)
must feed my cats, they are hungry like the wolf...
have you ever LeBon'd??
well, i have...
soon: album, mySpace, video, more me, tour, love...
lots of love...
b m-f'n c