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June 26, 2024, 09:56:15 AM

we're back, baby

Quote from: Shockeye on April 12, 2005, 12:41:37 PM

Oh come on. She was almost sorta kinda hottish a dozen years ago. In a trashy sort of half-blind viewer kind of a way.

You used to drink a lot. Didn't you?

Quote from: Shockeye on April 12, 2005, 12:41:37 PM

Oh come on. She was almost sorta kinda hottish a dozen years ago. In a trashy sort of half-blind viewer kind of a way.

Rename the thread to Shockeye's House of Pain. You bastard.

Quote from: Paelos on April 12, 2005, 01:13:50 PM

Rename the thread to Shockeye's House of Pain. You bastard.

Oh come now. It was easier on the eyes than Tobey aka Blimp Boy.

Ann Coulter just keeps getting hotter and hotter.

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CONSERVATIVE VIRGINS DONATE BLOOD FOR COULTER’S BATH

by Scott C., WO'C's Children of the Night Correspondent

When best-selling author Ann Coulter arrived at Charles Coughlin College in Lynchville, Illinois, Ceci Lawrence was shocked." She looked so different from her photos," the 22-year old co-ed marveled." She had these long, bony fingers, and her skin was all stretched and thin like rice paper, and I remember thinking during her speech: she looks like a talking kite." It was then that Ceci and several of her sorority sisters resolved to do something for their distinguished visitor.

"We decided to have a blood drive," Ceci said, "So that Ann could renew the unholy forces which animate her flesh by bathing in the blood of the innocent. Let’s face it—she travels all the time and that’s got to play havoc with any sort of rigorous beauty regimen. After all, the average human body only contains six quarts of blood, so you can imagine how many virgins it would take to fill up even one of those crappy little tubs at the Ramada Inn. I mean, come on—she can’t just keep dropping by Townhall.com and draining Ben Shapiro for a pint—he’s starting to look bleached."

Finding a sufficient number of uncontaminated maidens, even on the campus of a conservative bible college, proved to be a chore. "Yeah," observed Ceci. "It was a lot of work, but it was worth it. Ann is my role model."

Ceci explained that she began college as a Speech Communications major. "I wanted to be on TV, so I was studying to be a spokesmodel. My dad wanted me to be a lawyer, but that was like way too much work, thank you very much. But then I saw Ann on Fox News, and realized that you could be a lawyer even if you didn’t practice law, or go to court, or know anything about the constitution. And even better, people would like. . .pay you to go on TV and say bitchy stuff about people! It’s like somebody saying, ‘Hey! Spreading rumors that all the smart girls are lesbians and then locking yourself in your dorm room and masturbating to Whittaker Chamber’s Witness is actually a job. We’ll pay you for that!’ My god! Having Fox News in your life is like having a rich boyfriend who’s too Episcopalian to demand a handjob! Anywat. . . The very next day I switched my major, and next year after I graduate, I hope to follow in Ann’s footsteps and attend the Barbizon School of Law."

Asked if the arduous, daylong blood drive was worth it, Ceci was unequivocal. "Absolutely! For one thing, Ann and I have become very friendly as a result. And for another, I’m pretty sure that if she’d gone one more day without blood she would have started killing my roommates."

And how does Ann Coulter herself feel about this outpouring of admiration and blood? The blanched and hollow-eyed pundit flashed an enthusiastic thumbs-up as she lowered her emaciated carcass into a hip-bath brimming with virgin gore. "Ahh," she said, splashing the ruddy, life-giving fluid over her bony chest, "This is the life. Or the undeath, anyway."

Ann's Humble Beginnings

Born in the Hungary in 1560 as Elizabeth Bathory, the conservative sensation changed her name to Countess Marya Zaleska upon first coming to the United States in 1936. She later opted for the more Anglo-sounding Ann Coulter because, in her words, "I wanted my very name to announce my patriotic devotion to America," and because, "The FBI was closing in."

Asked whether soaking in the blood of virgins might alienate the GOP’s fundamentalist Christian base, Coulter waved a bone-white hand and uttered a dismissive, "Pah!"

She added knowingly, "Look how enthusiastically the base has supported President Bush’s tax cuts for the wealthy. To me, that’s a clear sign that the Heartland has given those of us in the upper echelons of society the go-ahead to live off the blood of our social inferiors. The way I like to think of it is: red states are red corpuscle states, brimming with life and vitality. While the blue states are blood cells depleted of oxygen, the same way the Democrat party is depleted of ideas and morality. If American values and ideals are to survive, we must confront our political opponents, rip out their throats with our sharp incisors, and feed upon the warm blood flowing from their ruptured arteries."

As a tired Ceci poured the last bucketful of blood into her idol’s copper bath, she paused to reflect on the day’s labors. "I’ve learned more from Ann in one day than I think I’ve learned from all my professors over the past four years. I’ve learned that liberals are traitors who want to destroy the nuclear family. I’ve learned that plasma is an excellent humectant. And I’ve learned which girls are really virgins, and which are letting the snake into the garden, if you know what I mean, because if Ann bathes in the blood of an soiled woman, she starts to smoke and shriek like a banshee. It’s kind of like when you drop a piece of magnesium in water. Except for the shrieking."

OMFG - that is brilliant, ~~Haemish~~ Shockeye. I especially like the part when they said the Coulter looks like a talking kite.

Edit: and btw, magnesium (and sodium) does shriek when you put it in water.

Edit 2: it's hard to keep track of all the Afflecks.

I only wish I had written that or found it. LE BRILLANT!

Once again I bring you the hard-hitting news other sites miss.

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The very next day I switched my major, and next year after I graduate, I hope to follow in Ann’s footsteps and attend the Barbizon School of Law."

Art.

I wish I could find the Onion article that said something about 'the teeth in Ann Coulter's vagina' or some such. Not exactly the phrase I want to Google from work, however.

Here's something not completely useless. I didn't want to open a new thread about it so I'm putting it here because I can.

Quote from: Sudhian

Now, in fairness, when the iMac works it remains my computer of preference over the Windows and Linux machines in my house. It is a pleasure to sit in front of, and Mac OS X does feel like it's a generation ahead of Windows XP. At work, I use a PowerBook G4 1.5GHz that I bought in September of 2004. This machine has been 100% reliable and is again my machine of choice – despite being somewhat slower than comparably priced AMD/Intel laptops. However, there's no room for complacency. In the five months I've been using Mac OS X I've found it to be less stable than Windows XP (I can reliably generate a kernel panic and reboot on my iMac by simply plugging in a Western Digital external disk on Firewire – USB 2.0 works fine) and some areas of performance leave much to be desired. The Finder routinely crashes and takes 100% CPU, scrolling text within a window is slow and erratic and Safari hogs the CPU whenever an animated GIF appears and suffers from memory leaks. Compatibility also remains a serious issue. Despite Microsoft making Office for the Mac, opening a Powerpoint file generated on a Windows machine is painfully slow. Apple boasts of the features of the iChat video conferencing software – but I have yet to find a single friend or family member I can use it with. What's worse, all my friends and family use MSN Messenger for video conferencing and this is totally unsupported on Apple - my $150 iSight webcam sits unused. So much for Apple's claim that “It Works Effortlessly with PCs”.

I want Apple to succeed. But for this to happen, they are going to have to do much better. Apple have chosen a business model in which they supply everything – the retail outlets, the hardware, the software and the after sales support. They are therefore responsible for the complete package, and simply relying on slick marketing, cheap swipes at Microsoft, pretty designs and an attractive operating system is not enough. They probably only have one opportunity to persuade users to switch – and if they screw that up, few will give them a second chance. Switching to Apple already involves quite a bit of sacrifice on the part of the user – higher costs, slower machines, less hardware choice, less software and compatibility issues with the Windows-dominated world to name but a few – and so Apple simply cannot afford to add poor sales support, misleading advertising, unreliability and ineffective repairs to the list.

Read the whole ordeal over at Sudhian Media.

I smell a libel suit.

That's like creepy uncle stuff there.

Looks like another celebrity has embraced the cocaine diet.

Yet further proof that Lindsay Lohan is vastly overrated as a sex symbol. Yikes!

Yeah...she had a nice girly, curvy body, but the face is sub-par. Now she is just plain sub-par.

I do, however, hafta defend skinny girls. Some of us have the hips of a 12-year old boy and can only grow boobs if we're 20 pounds overweight. Since we can't have sexy Selma Hayek-esque curves, we hafta go for the willowy sylph thing. Luckily, some of us are actually lucky enough to score a leg man. Tit men are a dime a dozen, followed closely by ass men.

I thought ass and legs went hand-in-hand?

There's no such thing as an "ass", it's just the tops of the legs.

This coming from a guy who is neither a tit, ass, or leg guy. I'm more of an "overall package" type guy.

You can't beat a pretty face, if you ask me.

Legs are a runner up though.

My best-assed girlfriend has less-than-ideal ankles. That's where things can get ugly. Skinny women can't usually rock the bomb booty, even if their legs are flawless. And sometimes the longest, most coltish legs are topped by the pancake ass. That is sad.

Yes, it is all in the face. And the style.

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My best-assed girlfriend has less-than-ideal ankles

As long as she can pin them behind her ears, things are all good.

Godo Job on the Dead Link, kthx.

EDIT: My mistake, NOW it works....

EDIT x 2: An oldie, but a goody.

Quote from: Strazos on May 11, 2005, 11:25:33 AM

Godo Job on the Dead Link, kthx.

Not dead to me. Get a better internet connection.

I just saw it on someone's blog. They had the funniest tagline:

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It’s his face at the end, zoomed in upon by his awful parents, that sells it.

Props to the cat for the puffpaw treatment. Otherwise.... well BBQ cat is stringy but sometimes an imperative.

I guess I know where her money is going. Ouch.

Yes, that's Kelly Osbourne.

Dear God...she is eating Ozzy out of house and home! Are those fake cans, or just a product of her extreme bloat?

Quote from: WayAbvPar on May 11, 2005, 01:16:12 PM

Dear God...she is eating Ozzy out of house and home! Are those fake cans, or just a product of her extreme bloat?

I was thinking fake.

Damn, I'm blind! I haven't seen melons like that since I went to the Farmer's Market.

Quote from: HaemishM on May 11, 2005, 01:54:26 PM

Damn, I'm blind! I haven't seen melons like that since I went to the Farmer's Market.

Was there a giant pig eating the melons at the market or something?