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Author Topic: You can't make this shit up...  (Read 39743 times)
Hawkbit
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Like a Klansman in the ghetto.


Reply #35 on: August 04, 2011, 09:37:28 AM

When I worked for the library system, the summers were awful.  I worked inner city, so we got a fair share of already nutty people coming in for the A/C. 

Examples of crazy in the heat:

Summertime was the only time I would catch people masturbating in the library. 
I got into a fistfight trying to evict a homeless person from the building.
Kids not in school dumped their stolen cars off at the library, one they left in gear and it hit the building. 

The list goes on...
naum
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Reply #36 on: August 04, 2011, 11:32:33 AM

Jimbo, that sucks.

Heat always brought more fist-fights, knife-fights, gunshot wounds, and mangling and mutilation of all sorts stranger than anything concocted by fictional narratives -- at least that is what the folk manning the ER spots have informed me…

"There must not be a God because a demon hand didn't burst out of the ground, reach into Jindal's anus, and pull him inside out before dragging him into the shit-filled sodomy pits of Hades." If you read that and thought, "Well, this is a reasonable person who should be treated with respect," then perhaps it is your anus that needs a hellclawing. ~The Rude Pundit
Paelos
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Error 404: Title not found.


Reply #37 on: August 04, 2011, 11:49:39 AM

Heat always brought me more audits.

That sucks about your bud.  huh

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Sky
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I love my TV an' hug my TV an' call it 'George'.


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Reply #38 on: August 04, 2011, 01:09:46 PM

I got into a fistfight trying to evict a homeless person from the building.
Not allowed to physically eject someone, we tell them to leave then call the police.

Hawkbit
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Posts: 4814

Like a Klansman in the ghetto.


Reply #39 on: August 04, 2011, 03:10:38 PM

We wouldn't usually either.  He was asked to leave then started cussing, screaming and finally lunging at a female employee.  Two of us stepped between and the guy backed off.  As we were corralling him away from other people he suckerpunched my buddy, so I took the guy down.  He got out from my grasp before the cops got there though. 

Officer and our head security told me next time to stay back, but I told them I'm not going to let another (especially female) employee be attacked and not intervene.  They said okay, but next time make sure to beat the shit out of the guy before they get there...  yeah.  They really said that.   swamp poop
Merusk
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Reply #40 on: August 04, 2011, 04:38:12 PM

Sorry to hear that, Jimbo.

I can't get past the panties - Alluvian
I really like the cocks. - Lantyssa
People rarely believe just how good I am at sucking. - Lantyssa
I love the swinging dongs - Signe
Strazos
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Reply #41 on: August 04, 2011, 09:14:44 PM

 cry

Fear the Backstab!
"Plato said the virtuous man is at all times ready for a grammar snake attack." - we are lesion
"Hell is other people." -Sartre
Furiously
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Reply #42 on: August 09, 2011, 02:10:04 PM


Ingmar
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Reply #43 on: August 09, 2011, 02:11:18 PM

I'd say it counts since it sounds likely he's made it at least significantly more difficult for himself to breed.

The Transcendent One: AH... THE ROGUE CONSTRUCT.
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Lantyssa
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Reply #44 on: August 09, 2011, 03:58:07 PM

Thank the gods for that.

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
Jimbo
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still drives a stick shift


Reply #45 on: September 09, 2011, 11:17:15 AM

& we're back!
1st off, had some one try & "kidnap" me smiley well more like she was so drunk she didn't know what she was doing.  We got the report of female passed out from drinking, she was awake & ready to go when she got to us.  I was off doing something else & saw her jump out of bed & stripper dance on her IV pole, so I went & told her to get back in bed so she doesn't hurt her self.  She took a look @ me & had that come here & fuck me look that females get (puppy dog eyes big time!!), and was doing everything I told her.  Her sister told the doc to either let her take her home now or we could keep her & deal with her drunkeness.  The doc was qucik to write it up, while I'm unhooking her iv & getting vitals she keeps grrabbing & rubbing my arms & once my scrub pants!  The 2 female RNs outside were crackin up over me trying to keep drunk horney chick from groping me.  Finally got her outside in a wheelchair (hell no I'm not letting her walk & fall), & she is like "you are soooo cute!  Can I take you home?" I'm like no I have to work!  She then says, " can I tie you up & throw ya in the back of the truck & make ya smile?"  I'm like no you need to go home & sleep!  Her sister pulls up & says sorry she just got out of prision & she is so drunk & horney!  Lol!  Just what I need a crazy girl w/ a prision record comeing after me!

Next tale will be off the crazy dude who shot himself in the mouth...off to work, be safe all!
Engels
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Reply #46 on: September 09, 2011, 11:46:08 AM

that's the stuff!

I should get back to nature, too.  You know, like going to a shop for groceries instead of the computer.  Maybe a condo in the woods that doesn't even have a health club or restaurant attached.  Buy a car with only two cup holders or something.

-Signe

I LIKE being bounced around by Tonkors. - Lantyssa

"let go of my dick you mother fucker!"  - Jimbo
Paelos
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Error 404: Title not found.


Reply #47 on: September 09, 2011, 11:59:17 AM

Dear Penthouse...

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Der Helm
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Reply #48 on: September 09, 2011, 06:44:43 PM

Was she hot ?
ust what I need a crazy girl w/ a prision record comeing after me!
Pics ?  Oh ho ho ho. Reallllly?

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
Jimbo
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Reply #49 on: February 03, 2012, 10:39:43 PM

Sorry Der Helm, no pic's allowed or I would get in trouble.

I had a dude who sounded like the zombies from Call of Duty, he shot himself in the mouth and it was wild!  Call came in for a male that had attempted suicide and missed and shot himself in the right lower jaw with a .357 magnum.  Medics said he was anxious but holding his airway, they had put it back into place and were securing it with a NRB Mask (non-rebreather mask), had given him some meds to sedate him and got him to us.  Our Doc was debating on if he needs to just intubate the person, or if the airway is so messed up he would have to do an emergency cricothyrotomy (cut a hole in his neck and pass a tube into his lung).  When the pt arrived, he was stable other than his airway, I was getting report and helping to move him over, when his mask fell off when we unhooked it for cot change.  He tried to talk and made the zombie noises and blood was spraying everywhere.  Doc made the call of intubation and after RSI (rapid sequence intubation) meds given and he was out, Doc grabbed his jaw, held it out and slide the tube down into his lungs w/o problem.  Report at 1st was that this guy had caught his girlfriend and his friend having sex, walked into the living room and put a gun to his head and said i can't live without you, and fired...but he had it too low so he blew off his lower...well sort of part was gone and part there, it was a freaking jigsaw puzzle that was bloody!

Well we stabilized him and sent him off to the trauma center in Indy, and then the cops show up and tell us the real story.  Seems the three of them were actually robbers, who were going to rob and meth dealer, and they had gotten together and planned it out.  They went to get a gun and the dude who shot himself had acquired a gun and was bringing it into the house to show the other two and when he got it out of his truck it had gone off and shot his truck, the other 2 were watching and said that zombie mouth had said, "hey it works!"  Then all three of them went inside where zombie mouth then said, "hey let's play Russian Roulette!"  The other two said hell no!  So zombie mouth decides to play with it with himself, he did one click and said, "hey I'm winning!"  Then on the second click BOOOM!  He lost.  The other two had tried to make the story of suicide, but the cops had know about these idiots and that all three had different girl friends or boy friends.  The other two came clean pretty quick when confronted.  Oh he lived, they had to take a piece of his rib and reconstruct his lower jaw, found out because he came in under arrest for DUI.
Paelos
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Error 404: Title not found.


Reply #50 on: February 04, 2012, 08:14:15 AM

So, how does someone in your line of work just not decide at one point that humanity isn't worth saving?

And you become a supervillian!

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IainC
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Reply #51 on: February 04, 2012, 08:40:55 AM

So, how does someone in your line of work just not decide at one point that humanity isn't worth saving?

And you become a supervillian!

Early in his career, Doctor Doom was simply EMT DOom.

- And in stranger Iains, even Death may die -

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cironian
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Reply #52 on: February 04, 2012, 08:42:03 AM

All those cases were carefully staged by evil future time-travelling Jimbo.
MuffinMan
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Reply #53 on: February 04, 2012, 09:02:07 AM

So supervillain Jimbo is setting him up in the past to turn himself into a supervillain. Interesting. The day he wraps himself in tinfoil and climbs into the MRI machine is when he gets his powers.

I'm very mysterious when I'm inside you.
Der Helm
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Reply #54 on: February 04, 2012, 09:30:50 AM

The day he wraps himself in tinfoil and climbs into the MRI machine is when he gets his powers.
Can't remember if tinfoil is magnetic or not.

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
MuffinMan
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Reply #55 on: February 04, 2012, 09:40:37 AM

It's not, I guess. Evidently my superpower is being a dumbass.

I'm very mysterious when I'm inside you.
Sheepherder
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Reply #56 on: February 04, 2012, 12:27:07 PM

Technically aluminum and tin are paramagnetic.  Which is to say: they react to magnetism, but only a physicist would notice or care.
Furiously
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Reply #57 on: February 04, 2012, 08:50:51 PM

My brass magnet disagrees.

Sheepherder
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Reply #58 on: February 04, 2012, 10:59:49 PM

Orly?

Incidentally, a brass rare earth magnet is not a brass magnet.
« Last Edit: February 04, 2012, 11:05:33 PM by Sheepherder »
TripleDES
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Reply #59 on: February 05, 2012, 10:35:58 AM

Doesn't a MRI create a fucking strong oscillating magnetic field? You'd think that aluminum would show visible reaction to this.

EVE (inactive): Deakin Frost -- APB (fukken dead): Kayleigh (on Patriot).
Sheepherder
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Reply #60 on: February 05, 2012, 02:23:09 PM

Ironwood
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Reply #61 on: February 05, 2012, 03:05:47 PM

Chaps, what are we doing ?

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Sheepherder
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Reply #62 on: February 05, 2012, 03:32:24 PM

Taking about the feasibility of Jimbo turning into a mutant via MRI.  Me?  I think he's going to borrow some radioiodine from oncology.
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Reply #63 on: February 06, 2012, 11:03:58 AM

Against Medical Advice is both a book I would work on AND help get published.

Too good.
Jimbo
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still drives a stick shift


Reply #64 on: February 22, 2012, 09:28:41 AM

It was a rocking Sunday!  I came on, saw 4 cop cars and 2 ambulances in the bays, new it was gonna be a fun night.

I'll sum up the notes on this one:

EMS from out of town roll in with a middle aged man on board holding a big serving spoon in his hand.  He has a really deranged look in his eyes but got off the ems cot w/o problem, but held on to his spoon.  I was out in the hall and couldn't help myself, I had to say "SPOON"  like The Tick, but damn it, I was the only one who got it, had to explain about the tick and his use of the spoon.  Another nurse triaged him, I'll relay my notes she gave me on him:

Arrived by EMS from XXXX
Police dispatched to pt's house in XXXX for pt on the roof of his house shouting about Satan.  Per EMS, pt is not taking his psych meds for an unknown amount of time.  When EMS arrived, pt is holding a spoon (large serving type spoon), stating, "i have been eating spoonful of sugar to beat someone"  Pt has not eaten or slept for days, pt is awake but not willing to answer questions.  Pt thinks the year is 1962, denies that he wants to hurt himself, but states, "they want to burn me"  Pt then states that his long haired dachshund is hunting witches in the house, and will come out and blink Morse code to him with status reports.

Needless to say, we took the spoon away (which broke darn it!), and gave him a nice dose of haldol and ativan and he went to sleep.  We got him Emergency Detained and sent up to the psych ward.  We ended up calling the pt's spoon, "the spoon of justice" since he was shouting at the devil while hunting witches.  I felt sorry for his dog!

Next one----

New Year's Eve:

We get a guy who is in his late 60's come in for neck pain, he is on an ambulance from the county below us, but didn't want to go to there ER and came to mine.  EMS reports that he suffered a fall, has been drinking and taking narcotics.  He has a c-collar on and has a hx of broken lower back.  Once in and on my cot, we find out the whole story.  EMS states that they  picked him up at the American Legion in XXX, his wife was the driver and went to jail, he was the passenger, they had just left
XXX hospital AMA, and was trying to drive to us when he couldn't take the pain, so the called 911, which the police came and arrested her for driving drunk and he got sent to us for his neck pain.

What had happened, he was at the Moose Lodge and had been drinking, so him and his wife left to go home.  He needed to pee on the way home, so pulled over to the side of the road.  The road he is on has a very steep ditch, about 8 feet down, with some cement in the bottom.  Well, he lost his balance while relieving himself and fell down, hitting his head on the bottom.  He felt a snap and felt a crunch in his neck, he didn't throw his hands out (was holding onto his penis) and try and stop the fall, so his head took the brunt.  He then finishes up, climbs back up, gets in the car, decides his neck hurts so takes two extra strength vicoden and drives to the local ER.  They immediately bring him back, get him in a gown and put a c-collar on him, but the the drunk dude gets mad at the doctor, yells at him, and leaves.  He makes his wife drive, but she is drunk like him, so they don't make it far, they pull into the American Legion and call 911, where the cops come and arrest her and send him b ambulance to get checked out.

My exam shows a bruised and swollen middle of forehead, point tender to his neck, he freely admits to drinking "alot of beer and whiskey and then I took some more Vicoden to help the pain"  I had to keep replacing the c-collar as he would keep
trying to take it off.  The CT confirmed what I was thinking, he had a vertebral compression fracture of C-4.  It was stable, but needed treated to keep from getting worse.  We got his family in to help get him convinced he needed to go to Indy to get it taken care of and to do what was told.

When I called report to the trauma center, the Charge Nurse there took my report, summed it back up, "so he got drunk, drove, stopped to pee, slipped while peeing and fell on his neck, crawled out, took more vicodn, then drove hims self to the ER, left that ER ama, tried to drive to your er, couldn't make it, so had his wife drive, but she was pretty drunk, so she got arrested and he came to you by ambulance"  "and when he fell he broke his neck?"  I said yep that is right.  The charge RN in Indy went, "Unfucking Believeable.

Got some more, but I'm tired
K9
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Reply #65 on: February 22, 2012, 10:33:38 AM

 awesome, for real

I love the smell of facepalm in the morning
Paelos
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Reply #66 on: February 22, 2012, 10:41:11 AM

The dog blinking status updates in Morse code got me.  why so serious?

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Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Sir T
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Reply #67 on: February 26, 2012, 04:22:46 PM

he didn't throw his hands out (was holding onto his penis) and try and stop the fall, so his head took the brunt. 

I like a man who has his priorities straight.

"I think its pretty troubling when a backyard decoration comes out swinging harder against Nazis than the President of the United States." Stephen Colbert
Khaldun
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Reply #68 on: February 26, 2012, 08:35:02 PM

"A spoonful of sugar makes the beating down!"
brellium
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Reply #69 on: March 20, 2014, 08:37:38 AM

I'll have to at some point connect Jimbo with our nurse who worked in the ER at JCH in Baltimore.  I'm sure she has more crazy stories.

‎"One must see in every human being only that which is worthy of praise. When this is done, one can be a friend to the whole human race. If, however, we look at people from the standpoint of their faults, then being a friend to them is a formidable task."
—‘Abdu’l-Bahá
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