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f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  General Discussion  |  Serious Business  |  Topic: You can't make this shit up... 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
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Author Topic: You can't make this shit up...  (Read 42066 times)
Cheddar
I like pink
Posts: 4972

Noob Sauce


Reply #70 on: July 12, 2012, 08:10:00 PM

more plz

No Nerf, but I put a link to this very thread and I said that you all can guarantee for my purity. I even mentioned your case, and see if they can take a look at your lawn from a Michigan perspective.
Pennilenko
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3439


Reply #71 on: July 12, 2012, 08:35:05 PM

Some how, reading Jimbo's stories makes me feel a lot better about myself and my life.

"See?  All of you are unique.  And special.  Like fucking snowflakes."  -- Signe
ghost
The Dentist
Posts: 10503


Reply #72 on: July 13, 2012, 11:11:04 AM

I'll have to at some point connect Jimbo with our nurse who worked in the ER at JCH in Baltimore.  I'm sure she has more crazy stories.

Anyone that's ever worked in an ER has crazy (and sad) stories to tell.  Your metro ER is the cesspit of humanity.  One of my co-residents had a pistol pulled on him in the psych ER many years ago.  It's not all that fun, to be honest.
Jimbo
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still drives a stick shift


Reply #73 on: July 30, 2012, 03:53:05 PM

I think we need some theme music when some of the patients come in...

Things to remember, never get drunk and jump off your house, sad thing this is the second time I've had a patient do this!

Call came in for a possible diving board injury, that a 45 y.o. female had been hurt while jumping off a diving board into there pool.  She came in by EMS and with Sheriff's Deputies, and that is when the full story came out.  It seems she and her husband were drinking with there kids and some friends (thank goodness her kids were in there 20's), when the kids were climbing on the roof and jumping in the pool.  Oh lots of alcohol was being consumed, she had been drinking and her kids were egging her on to jump off the roof into the pool.  Well she tried, and when she jumped she missed.  She hit feet first on the concrete next to the pool, then bounced into the pool!  So what she had done was climb her drunk ass up onto the roof, which is about 15 feet up, then jumped and landed flat footed not in the pool, but on the concrete next to the pool, then kinda bounced into the pool...which was about 8 feet deep on that end.  Ya for redneck home building!  Luckly they called 911 and pulled her out.  The deputies and ems got her packaged and the cops secured the scene, well as they were treating the mom, one of the kids was still wanting to party so came back in and started drinking again, so the deputies removed the son till he calmed down and the mom was gone and they could investigate the accident.  She broke not her ankles (had a guy about 8 years ago jump out of a 2nd story window with an umbrella while drunk, and broke both ankle/tib fibs) which looked like it, but worse, she broke her back.  She had a fracture of the 4th lumbar and it was a doozy, it was a burst fracture where the it kinda exploded, she wasn't paralyzed, but had lost fine motor control.  She couldn't move her toes, but could move her foot.  So since my hospital doesn't have a neuro group, off to Indy she went by the helicopter.  She got to jump off a roof and ride in a helicopter all in a day.  Oh yeah, her blood alcohol level was 0.24 which is 3 times the legal limit.  And the paramedic and crew stated that her friends and family were cheering her jump, bounce, splash like she had broken an Olympic record.

Gotta work again, more coming up later (bath salts, k2, freaky diaries)...
ghost
The Dentist
Posts: 10503


Reply #74 on: July 30, 2012, 04:09:36 PM

Luckly they called 911 and pulled her out.

I'm not so sure about that.   Ohhhhh, I see.
Paelos
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Reply #75 on: July 30, 2012, 05:32:53 PM

Oh dear lord the bath salts story is going to be the winner.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Cyrrex
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Reply #76 on: July 31, 2012, 12:13:27 AM

Luckly they called 911 and pulled her out.

I'm not so sure about that.   Ohhhhh, I see.

Exactly what I was thinking.  Sounds like the whole family needs a head injury.

Never, ever assume someone that short and fat has their shit together. - Schild
Der Helm
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Reply #77 on: November 07, 2012, 12:27:17 PM

Boy, did I have a fun night at work yesterday. Meth is one hell of a drug apparently.
 I work as a security guy in a rather large hotel/hostel (rather large for Germany, about 150 rooms, about 1/5th dorms).

The night starts out very unspectacular, only mildly interesting thing happening were loud sex noises on the second floor. No big deal, somebody might have brought a hooker in the hotel (not allowed, if 2 people use the room, 2 people pay, you really don't want your house to get THAT kind of reputation), but when I came back to check with a co-worker, everything was quiet. So maybe it was just somebody watching porn on his laptop or something, nobody left the rooms in question, nobody who was not a guest left the hotel, and since no one complained we decide not to search the rooms.
Back in the lobby there are only a few guests left, it's about 2 am most people are busy watching news feeds on the election. Suddenly a rather pretty young lady appears at the reception and asks us to call her a taxi, she gives us a room number for a room on the same floor we had the sex noises earlier,not the same room though. Taxi gets called, young lady leaves, one guy in the lobby starts listening to his own music on his laptop, I ask him to turn the volume way down or use headphones, he complies.
3:30 am
Pretty lady enters the lobby again, only staff, one guy watching a German news channel on the bar TV and Mr. Awefulltaseinmusic are around (lobby and bar are more or less the same area). Lady chats up Laptopguy, they decide to play a few rounds of billiard. He had quite a few beers during my shift, she seems to be a bit drunk, but not overly so, mildly intoxicated I'd say. He orders another beer, she orders a Vodka-Red bull. I run my hourly check of all floors, nothing special going on so I return to the lobby. Lady orders a second Vodka-Red bull, Laptopguy orders one as well (for some reason his switch to the same drink as her caught my attention). They sit down at his table, he cranks the music up a bit again, it's not too loud and who wants to stand in the way of a budding love affair so we don't mind.Yet.
I do another round, when I come back there are several rounds of long-drinks sitting on their table, only one of them half empty, the rest is full. Laptopguy is evidently trying to make out with the girl, she does not seem to be agreeing to this idea, stuff does not get violent or anything  but I decide to stick around just in case. He keeps talking to her and she gets more and more apathetic. He seems to be raging drunk by now (at least I thought he was). When it suddenly starts to look like she has passed out (all this takes place in maybe 3-5 minutes) I walk up to them and ask her if she needs an ambulance (as far as we could tell, she had only 2,5 long-drinks and we don't mix them that bad). Laptop guy jumps up, gets in my face, talking shit to me why I would think he would not be able to take care of his girlfriend. I calmly tell him that I am pretty sure she is not his girlfriend and that I'd like him to step away so I can check on her right now. Guy gets more agitated, moves even closer to me in a (presumably) threatening matter. Girls is obviously unconscious by now, falls out of the chair and is lying on the floor. I decide to call an ambulance, he is having none of that and tries to wrangle the phone out of my hand. This is the moment I decide that this guy is no longer a guest of us, I tell him so and I also tell him that he is going to leave the premises right now. He does not leave, I do not get paid to get physically involved so I call the police and an ambulance. They arrive surprisingly fast, police talks to the guy for a few seconds, he makes a wrong move and the next thing I see of him is him getting dragged out of the hotel by four policemen. Girls is still unconscious and they take her to the hospital. Because of the whole affair I get  2 hours of paid overtime, so thank you very much.

Oh, did I mention that he threatened to kill me a few times while we waited for the police ? Anyway, the hotel is going to press charges because apparently he wrecked his room as well, destroyed a few pieces of furniture when they took him down and I will do the same because of the death threats. Fun times.

On him they found a non-trivial amount of meth and some other stuff they could not identify on the spot. Apparently that fucker slipped something into her drink to have his way with her.

I should have waited on calling the police and given that fucker the beating of a lifetime.

Anyway, first time I had contact with meth apart from Breaking Bad. It IS one hell of a drug.  swamp poop
 

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
Signe
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Muse.


Reply #78 on: November 07, 2012, 01:08:32 PM

Yikes!  What fun!  Lucky for him the police came.  Little did he know he was dealing with The Helmet who could have kicked his boney arse with words! 

(every time I see your name I think of superheroes!)

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
Yoru
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the y master, king of bourbon


WWW
Reply #79 on: November 07, 2012, 01:40:30 PM

Jesus. I take it this sort of thing is unusual in your neck of the woods?
Lantyssa
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Reply #80 on: November 07, 2012, 02:59:20 PM

Thanks for watching out for her.  You are the dude, Helm.

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
ghost
The Dentist
Posts: 10503


Reply #81 on: November 07, 2012, 06:43:31 PM

Sounds like Kentucky.  Or East Texas. 
Segoris
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Reply #82 on: November 07, 2012, 06:53:21 PM

Sounds like Kentucky.  Or East Texas. 
Or anywhere else there are douches.

 

GJ Helm, that is awesome to hear.
Kail
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Posts: 2777


Reply #83 on: November 07, 2012, 07:27:19 PM

GJ Helm, that is awesome to hear.

Yeah, in a "I wish I'd never heard of this" kind of way.  Ugh.  Fuck this planet, man.

Good job on stopping him, though.  I was a security guard for a few years and it's damn rare that I felt like I was doing anything worthwhile.
Der Helm
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Reply #84 on: November 08, 2012, 12:05:15 AM

Yikes!  What fun!  Lucky for him the police came.  Little did he know he was dealing with The Helmet who could have kicked his boney arse with words! 

(every time I see your name I think of superheroes!)
Pretty sure that kicking "arse" with words IS my superpower, I have made grown men cry before.  Oh ho ho ho. Reallllly?


"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
ghost
The Dentist
Posts: 10503


Reply #85 on: November 08, 2012, 08:11:59 AM

Is this typically a dangerous job?
Paelos
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Reply #86 on: November 08, 2012, 08:54:29 AM

Working in any hotel is a dangerous job. For both your sanity and your person. People do horrible horrible things in hotels.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Signe
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Muse.


Reply #87 on: November 08, 2012, 09:21:08 AM

Like what?  Srsly, I want to know. 

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
Mortriden
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Reply #88 on: November 08, 2012, 09:26:07 AM

1st, way to go Helm.  It's easy to be apathetic wave your hand and say "whatever" then move on.  Thank you for not being that person.  2nd, your instincts were correct.  One of the things the other bar bouncers taught me at an old job was to watch for guys who did a "rapid switch" from one type of drink to match the exact same drink their "date" had.  Of course, this is a well known and effective tactic for sleazy as well as the guys who wanted to drop roofies in girls' drink, but it was a marker we looked for. 

It's like calling shenanigans.  But you say "jihad" instead. - Llava
They are out there, but they are bi-products of funny families. If you know funny old people, see if they have daughters. -Paelos
Yes my seed is that strong. I literally clap my hands and women are with child. -Paelos
Der Helm
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Reply #89 on: November 08, 2012, 09:53:35 AM

Like what?  Srsly, I want to know.  
First thing that comes to mind is the fact that we had one guest a few months ago who was apparently dissatisfied with our service and made a point by taking a shit in one of the elevators  every single night for 5 days.  It's only funny the first 3 nights, believe me.   swamp poop

Second thing would be the (Danish, I think) rugby team that stayed in 3 of our bigger (8 beds) dormitories. In one room they managed to "steal" a mattress (bloody thing just disappeared) and used the wooden bed frame as a urinal. Apparently for the whole 2 nights they stayed there (Housekeeping could not get into the rooms to clean them on the second day, I don't remember why), so they managed to fill it to the brim and still slept in the room for at least another night. In the summer. The aroma was ... palpable.  ACK!

edit PALPABLE! Good lord.
« Last Edit: November 08, 2012, 02:35:49 PM by Der Helm »

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
ghost
The Dentist
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Reply #90 on: November 08, 2012, 09:54:32 AM

This is frat house behavior.  I'm surprised that you haven't killed someone.
Der Helm
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Reply #91 on: November 08, 2012, 10:10:10 AM

This is frat house behavior.  I'm surprised that you haven't killed someone.
It's pretty hard to make me angry, you can't work in the hospitality business when your temper gets the best of you.

The shit above (no pun intended), I can laugh about. Insults, Yelling, general drunkenness, complaints, I don't take personal. On the other hand, most people are surprised when they realize that I actually CAN  (and will)  kick them out on the streets at 3 am in the morning on a cold winters night if they don't behave.  awesome, for real

Oh, I got called a "Halbstarker" tonight, that's hard to translate, I's something you'd call some male teen in the mid of puberty with delusions of grandeur (It's not really a term of endearment). By a girl in their early twenties, 13 years younger that me. I was like  ACK!  why so serious?  awesome, for real

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
Paelos
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Reply #92 on: November 08, 2012, 11:02:34 AM

Yep, that sounds like my experience. I worked as a bartender in a hotel bar for a period of time during a summer, and the shit those people at the front desk have to put up with puts any of the drunks I had to deal with to shame. People for some reason think renting a room for a night gives them carte blanche to act like rockstars on a bender, sans consequences. That's why we had a 6'8" 300+ guy named Jeff who solved our problems with rowdy people up to 2AM. The cops took care of the rest.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
cmlancas
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Reply #93 on: November 08, 2012, 11:24:25 AM

Yep, that sounds like my experience. I worked as a bartender in a hotel bar for a period of time during a summer, and the shit those people at the front desk have to put up with puts any of the drunks I had to deal with to shame. People for some reason think renting a room for a night gives them carte blanche to act like rockstars on a bender, sans consequences. That's why we had a 6'8" 300+ guy named Jeff who solved our problems with rowdy people up to 2AM. The cops took care of the rest.

My favorite hotel bar ever is the Georgia Terrace in the ATL.  I literally saw a hooker, a dude who propositioned me and then my girlfriend at the time (but not for money) and a bunch of other surreal things happen in a span of two hours.  I make it a point to drink in every hotel bar nowadays.   DRILLING AND WOMANLINESS

f13 Street Cred of the week:
I can't promise anything other than trauma and tragedy. -- schild
croaker69
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Reply #94 on: November 08, 2012, 02:32:21 PM

Like what?  Srsly, I want to know. 
The aroma was ... palatable.  ACK!


I'm hoping you meant palpable!

What may at first appear to be an insurmountable obstacle will in time be seen for what it really is: an impenetrable barrier.
Der Helm
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Reply #95 on: November 08, 2012, 02:34:54 PM

Like what?  Srsly, I want to know. 
The aroma was ... palatable.  ACK!


I'm hoping you meant palpable!
Indeed. Good catch. Yuck.

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
KallDrexx
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Reply #96 on: November 11, 2012, 10:11:03 AM

Is this typically a dangerous job?

My friend's dad owns a hotel and my friend used to work in the front, up until someone pulled a gun on him, made him give up the money and tied him up in the back.  That day he quit.  It's not uncommon from what I underrstand either.
Der Helm
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Reply #97 on: November 11, 2012, 10:53:20 AM

I don't feel my job is dangerous, if I would, I would not do it. Pay is not good enough for that.  Oh ho ho ho. Reallllly?


"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
Paelos
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Reply #98 on: November 11, 2012, 06:39:34 PM

I don't feel my job is dangerous, if I would, I would not do it. Pay is not good enough for that.  Oh ho ho ho. Reallllly?



You and I have varying degrees of dangerous. There is zero chance I'm going to get punched in the face at my current job.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Merusk
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Reply #99 on: November 11, 2012, 07:37:56 PM

So they don't let you talk to clients then?

I can't get past the panties - Alluvian
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Paelos
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Reply #100 on: November 12, 2012, 08:38:51 AM

Clients don't want to punch ME in the face. They want to punch the IRS in the face.

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Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Ironwood
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Reply #101 on: November 12, 2012, 08:42:32 AM

If you're not getting punched in the face in your job, you're just not doing it wrong enough.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Ingmar
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Reply #102 on: November 12, 2012, 11:07:45 PM

I don't feel my job is dangerous, if I would, I would not do it. Pay is not good enough for that.  Oh ho ho ho. Reallllly?



You and I have varying degrees of dangerous. There is zero chance I'm going to get punched in the face at my current job.

At a UGA tailgater, however...

The Transcendent One: AH... THE ROGUE CONSTRUCT.
Nordom: Sense of closure: imminent.
Sheepherder
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Reply #103 on: November 13, 2012, 03:28:43 AM

Anyway, first time I had contact with meth apart from Breaking Bad. It IS one hell of a drug.  swamp poop

You have it lucky, it's getting pretty fucking serious in North America because it's so damn easy to make due to the high availability of ephedrine/pseudo-ephedrine and anhydrous ammonia.  The other latest craze in cooking is a one pot synthesis done inside a pop bottle, which since it's not actually a pressure vessel occasionally explodes and sprays lye and burning lithium metal everywhere.

Also, I will be so very disappointed if your coworkers don't start calling you the white knight or paladin.
« Last Edit: November 13, 2012, 02:47:42 PM by Sheepherder »
Paelos
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Reply #104 on: November 13, 2012, 09:05:51 AM

At a UGA tailgater, however...

The odds go up to about 50-50 at any away game.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
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