Shockeye's Useless News

[sidereal]

Chances are, most of them would be afraid of dropping the kid and getting sued.

Yeah, that was my first thought.  My second thought was that the inevitable outcome of this is that multi-floor spiral ramps will be installed in all public buildings at a cost of umpty trillion dollars.  Because we can't trust people to not be jackasses.

[shiznitz]

wondering what the fuck the 'blonde' bimbette in front of her was thinking even trying to apply for college, much less a scientific persuit.  

Forensic experts are hardly scientists. They are trained in scientific procedures, but calling them scientists is like calling a sonogram technician a med student.  Forensics is all about asking if A matches B, C or D and knowing which devices to use and how to use it.  Would you be surprised if Britney wanted to go to dental hygiene school? It is much closer to that that you might think.  They are both about procedure, not judgement.

[Paelos]

Scarlett Johansson is very proud of her... girls.

Scarlett Johnasson calls her breasts 'girls'!
January 5, 2005, 11:37:39

Scarlett Johnasson loves her breasts. which she calls 'girls'.

The stunning actress says she is very proud of her assets as they make her feel very womanly.

She said: "I'm proud of my girls. They're my charms, my feminine wiles."

However, the 20-year-old beauty says she's not entirely happy with her looks, especially her face.

She said: "Sometimes I'm not comfortable with my face but it's stuck there and there's nothing I can do about it.

Scarlett, who has an on/off relationship with Hollywood heartthrob Jared Leto, recently admitted she will have plastic surgery when she gets older to keep her looking young.

She confessed: "I definitely believe in plastic surgery. I don't want to be an old hag. There's no fun in that."

Yes I'm aware they spelled her name wrong. Don't let that distract you from her girls.

Your link is wrong.

[Shockeye]

When you rail against seat belt laws, don't be suprised to end up dead because you didn't wear a seat belt.

I-80 crash claims UNL student's life
BY BUTCH MABIN / Lincoln Journal Star
Derek Kieper was a smart, funny, intense young man who relished a good debate and would do anything for his friends.

Kieper, a 21-year-old senior at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, died early Tuesday morning when the Ford Explorer he was a passenger in travelled off an icy section of Interstate 80 and rolled several times in a ditch. Kieper, who was riding in the back seat of the Explorer, was ejected from the vehicle.
...
Derek, who was thrown from the vehicle, was not wearing a seat belt, Lefler said. He said Havermann and Uphoff were wearing seat belts at the time.

In a column written for the Daily Nebraskan in September, Derek attacked seat belt laws as intrusions on individual liberties and expensive to enforce.

"It is my choice what type of safety precautions I take," he wrote.

"There seems to be a die-hard group of non-wearers out there who simply do not wish to buckle up no matter what the government does. I belong to this group."

Erica Rogers, opinion page editor at the Daily Nebraskan, said Derek's brains and intensity would be missed. Kieper and Rogers had lively political debates, she said.

[Paelos]

Erica Rogers, opinion page editor at the Daily Nebraskan, said Derek's brains and intensity would be missed.

They could probably find them scattered somewhere on the highway if they wanted to look hard enough.

[shiznitz]

If you hadn't written that, I would have. It just pops into one's head, doesn't it?

[HaemishM]

I thought it was just me being a bastard that thought of that. Nice to know I wasn't the fastest bastard.

[Paelos]

It really does, I'm not so much making light of the guy, but the horrible use of language to describe his loss.

That and irony is a huge bitch when it comes to death. Buckle up for safety kids, the govenment isn't trying to get in your face for no reason.

[Train Wreck]

Because we can't trust people to not be jackasses.

That's my creed.

[Merusk]

That's probably pretty standard if the emergency is a fire, since the first rule of fires is DON'T USE THE FUCKING ELEVATORS (I have no idea why, but by God it's beaten into my head) and the elevators are how you get around if you're in a wheelchair.  I'd like to think that in an actual emergency there would be at least 4 non-jackasses who would carry the handicapped kids down.

1) It is standard for physically handicapped people to go to stairwells and stay there in case of a fire.  The starwell is the most fireproof and structurally sound object in a modern building. (If properly constructed.)  

Your average stairwell has about a 1 1/2 to 2 hour fire rating on the walls and a minimum of 1hr on the door. That means a 'typical' fire (no accelerants) will take an hour to burn through into the interior of the stairwell.  This is why stairwell doors have closers and it's an offense to prop one open. Defeats the safety factor if flames can just pass through an open doorway.

Barring a stairwell, some buildings will have "safe rooms" built into them that work in a similar fashion.

2) You don't use an elevator because it's a big metal chimeny through the entire height of a building.  Elevator doors just hang there and and can't block flames or smoke into the shaft. (Ever notice you can see how many floors you've traveled past by looking at the door joint?)

On top of that Elevator shafts are filled with oil, grease and other things that really like helping flames spread.  The elevator is probably the worst place to be in a fire if living is your goal.  Fire alarms go off and you're in the elevator? Rip the doors open and pray you didn't stop at the floor with the flames.

Forensic experts are hardly scientists. They are trained in scientific procedures, but calling them scientists is like calling a sonogram technician a med student. Forensics is all about asking if A matches B, C or D and knowing which devices to use and how to use it. Would you be surprised if Britney wanted to go to dental hygiene school? It is much closer to that that you might think. They are both about procedure, not judgement.

I'll concede I implied they were scientists, although its not what I meant.  I know they're not "Dr. Criminalist," but it's still a more scientific persuit than shaking your ass for dirty old men.  As such, I think it's one that "Brit" is hardly qualified for.

[Shockeye]

Few things bring a smile to my face like the infomercials for 6-pack abs that run at 3am. It seems there may be one less infomercial on TV soon.

Fitness celebrity and television personality, John Basedow still missing in Phuket, Thailand – feared deceased.

(PRLEAP.COM) Fitness celebrity and television personality, John Basedow has been missing in Phuket, Thailand since the deadly Tsunami devastated the area where he was vacationing on Sunday, December 26th, 2004. Best know for his fitness video commercials, John Basedow has long been a part of the fitness community and has appeared in many health and fitness periodicals and television programs.

John Basedow was vacationing in Phuket, Thailand when the Tsunami hit and has not made contact with his Public Relations Agent, Paquita Jean-Charles as expected. An avid body surfer and volleyball player, Mr. Basedow routinely travels to Phuket, Thailand for vacation during the winter holidays. The last communication with Mr. Basedow was on Christmas day. Since the Tsunami atrocity his whereabouts have been unknown. He has not contacted friends, family or business associates via telephone or e-mail. Phone calls to the Patong Beach Hotel, where Mr. Basedow was staying have not led to any additional information. Local hospital records have not reported him as a patient.

“We are hoping for the best.” Says Public Relations Agent, Paquita Jean-Charles. “If John is capable he would be helping all those he can. We can only hope that that’s what he has been doing and why he has not contacted us.”

In addition to his best selling fitness video series, Mr. Basedow has also been featured in a number of health and fitness related periodicals including Exercise for Men, Men's Exercise, Natural Muscle Magazine, MuscleZine, New Living, and LI Voices.

Manta Communications, the company that produces and distributes the John Basedow video series is seeking any additional information. The United States State Department and the Royal Thai Government Foreign Ministry has been contacted but unfortunately are unable to provide any additional information as to Mr. Basedow’s whereabouts. Any information or questions should be directed to Paquita Jean-Charles at mantafit@safe-mail.net.

[schild]

Good day:

Mr. Nixon just called from the bank and told me that they can
decrease your m o rtg age payment by 2%. It will take no
p a perwork, so just go here and we will take care of the rest.

Thank you

Eliseo D. Rucker
US Department

It's real, rite?

[schild]

John Basedow

3 words:

Won't be missed.

That guy scares the fuck out of me. Some kind of late-night mutant Bob Saget.

[Rasix]

That guy frightens me. He looks like someone's sick photoshop experiment come to life.

*shivers*

[schild]

I apologize.

[Shockeye]

It seems one Arizona town is finally starting to take a stand against herds of... chicken.

SIERRA VISTA - Two Bisbee residents are scheduled to appear in court on Jan. 18 for having more than two chickens.
 
No residence can have more than two animals of a certain species, according to the city's herd rule.
 
Mayor Ron Oertle had intended to have the Bisbee Planning and Zoning Commission redefine the herd rule.
 
But the commission meets Jan. 20, two days after Bill Elliott and Jeff Harris are scheduled to appear in court.

[schild]

It's Noah's Ark syndrome.

THE NOAH PLAN
A million years have come and gone.
The Earth is shifting towards the sun.
Synthetic atmosphere is lost,
And forces the computers off.
Communications are confused.
The tides reverse and start a chain reaction...

The seismograph prints out
incredible results.
It says we're losing all control.
We're losing all control.

The scientists around the world
decipher everything they're told,
but they don't really know.
They don't really know.

Instead of systematic,
the news becomes erratic.
No one can agree.
No one can agree.

The world is getting frantic
as people start a panic,
What does all this mean?

The sun is moving closer
and the atmosphere gets hotter
as the system overloads.
System overloads.

Fighting these adverse condition,
loading for the expedition,
Everyone must go.
Everyone must go.

The fools that think the worst is over
they won't live to be much older.
Why do they remain?
Why do they remain?

Everything is ready.
Everyone that's coming
has been safely brought on board...

The time has come
to leave again.
Activate the Noah Plan.
Returning to
the universe.
Give out the word:
Abandon Earth.

Magnetic fields surrounding us,
and pounding is increasing
as the ship is taking off.
Ship is taking off.

The electronic shields
protect us from the heat.
We're slowly breaking loose.
We're slowly breaking loose.

The ship is lifting higher,
the Earth is growing smaller
as we leave the atmosphere.
Leave the atmosphere.

We watch the Earth get closer,
getting closer, getting closer
as it drifts into the sun...

The time has come
to leave again.
Activate the Noah Plan.
Returning to
the universe.
Give out the word:
Abandon Earth.

The time has come
to leave again.
Activate the Noah Plan.
Returning to
the universe.
Give out the word:
Abandon Earth.

The time has come
to leave again.
Activate the Noah Plan.
Returning to
the universe.
Give out the word:
Abandon Earth.

[schild]

Every page of this thread now gets a picture of a wilting George Lucas.



Don't ask why.

[Shockeye]

schild is pissed because I made him look at this picture.

[schild]

[WindupAtheist]

How dare you not give Vader a 2 to go with his 4!

[schild]

James Earl Jones was badass. Vader was just a suit.

[Paelos]

So is this going to be our bucket of ass thread to randomly spew meaningless stuff?

If so,



VIVA MELMAC!

[Signe]

John Baselow's resemblence to schild's avatar is uncanny, especially side by side like that.

[sidereal]

No, schild's avatar is King Arthur.

[pants]

I'd like to think that in an actual emergency there would be at least 4 non-jackasses who would carry the handicapped kids down.

Being somebody that works in a public school, especially in southern California, I know finding 4 non-jackasses is a tall order.

Chances are, most of them would be afraid of dropping the kid and getting sued.

From what I understand, its not the being sued effect (although I'm sure thats in there), but its rather the whole carrying-a-large-and-unweildy-item down a narrow set of stairs around lots of corners, while behind you is a queue of possibly panicked people screaming FIRE FIRE FIRE.  If a large and unweidly item is dropped in the stairs, with people charging downstairs from the fire, it could all go horribly, horribly wrong.  Thats also why you're not supposed to carry anything (handbags, suitcases, etc) if you have to go down fire stairs, just in case you drop it and people trip on it.

And wot Merusk said about it being the safest spot in the building to wait out a fire.  Especially when the firefighters turn up, and someone says 'Theres a guy in a wheelchair on the 2nd floor fire stairs' and they get up there asap.

You learn all this exciting stuff when you're a fire warden at work.  And you get a nice spiffy red helmet to wear.

[Disco Stu]

I'd like to think that in an actual emergency there would be at least 4 non-jackasses who would carry the handicapped kids down.

Being somebody that works in a public school, especially in southern California, I know finding 4 non-jackasses is a tall order.

Chances are, most of them would be afraid of dropping the kid and getting sued.

Or one smart non-jackass to ditch the wheel chair and throw the kid over their shoulder.

And it's not King Arthur. It's 'umm you know that badass dude from the BMW movies.'

[schild]

Clive Owen played King Arthur, The Driver, and yes, the writer/main character from Croupier.

[WindupAtheist]

Yay for random shit!

[gimpyone]

As a disabled person, I was always assigned a buddy whose duty it was to get me out of the classroom.  Thank bob  there were no natural disasters during school hours.

[Merusk]

One other reason to not even attempt to take the elevator (that I'll admit I forgot, but I do residental Arch, not commercial).  Elevators are programmed to go to the first floor and stay there as soon as the fire alarm goes off.  If you're waiting on the elevator in a fire, all you're going to do is get burned.

Also, what's with the parent's outrage at this 'sudden' revelation?  If you've got a 'special needs' kid, wouldn't that be among your first question when registering them for school?  What kind of parent doesn't check into this stuff until, "Oh, your kid is in the stairwell!"  A fucking lousy one, but let's just ignore that.

[Hanzii]

I used to train firefighters.
The last page of this thread gets my seal of approval!




.... well, not the Lucas pic obviously.

[Shockeye]

It seems Colin Farrell just can't keep it in his pants.

Sex and the single pizza?
 
Colin Farrell says that paying for sex is like having food delivered. And he means it in a positive way.

“It’s like ordering a pizza. Someone comes around, you spend an hour, you have a smoke with them afterwards,” the Irish bad boy star told Britain’s B Magazine. “I’ve never been with a prostitute I haven’t been completely polite to and treated like a human being.”

Farrell, it would seem, has a bit of a problem with commitment. “Girl trouble for me is when you fall in love — that’s [bleeping] girl trouble,” he said. “If you have a bad lay, that’s not girl trouble.”

[HaemishM]

Wow, Colin Farrel continues to come up with ways to make me think of him as the scuzziest human alive.

As for leaving handi-man in his wheelchair in the stairwell, whether or not the stairwell will survive a fire, isn't the main cause of death in a fire smoke inhalation? Nothing says love your lungs like being stuck in a fucking chimney-shaped edifice while your classmates pour out of the school on their good, working legs.

[Paelos]

Wow, nice work Colin. Proclaiming love as girl trouble. He's still single ladies, line up now.




The sad part is that they will.