Shockeye's Useless News

[Dark Vengeance]

Lesson about what? You won't have as much time to post on a messageboard?

It's a joke, sonny. Lighten up.

So was my comment. Way to read entirely too much into it.

Bring the noise.
Cheers............

[geldonyetich]

Keep it up.  Sooner or later they'll figure out I was never the one fagging up the threads.

[Dark Vengeance]

Keep it up.  Sooner or later they'll figure out I was never the one fagging up the threads.

Don't you have some books to read or something? Oh wait, guess not.

Bring the noise.
Cheers.............

[geldonyetich]

I've updated my sig appropriately to eliminate all doubt.

BTW, that statement of yours does not apply to you how, exactly?

[Dark Vengeance]

Sorry, I meant TEXTBOOKS. I was trying to be subtle.

Bring the noise.
Cheers.............

[HaemishM]

Yes, please, let's fag up another thread, k?

[Hanzii]

DVs title:
Helps Geld fag up the threads even he can't fag up alone.

[geldonyetich]

Fair enough title, I suppose.

FYI I've been on vacation.  Winter quarter doesn't start until next week for me.

[HaemishM]

You see that thing that just whizzed by your head?

That was the point. And yes, you missed it.

[Shockeye]

Jesus people, this thread isn't about points or attacks or anything else. This thread is about me posting really useless shit that originally upset Arc but now I hope upsets everyone.

[Shockeye]

I feel it's my duty to bring two... delicious stories that I ran across this morning.

The first one comes from Zimbabwe.

HARARE, Zimbabwe - A man allegedly bit off and swallowed another man's finger during a bar brawl, court officials said Thursday.
   
Alex Nyarubakora, 39, appeared in court in the town of Chitungwiza, 15 miles south of Harare, on Wednesday charged with assault with intent to cause grievous bodily harm.

Prosecutor Isau Janhi said Nyarubakora was arguing with his wife in a bar last week when he became angry at a second man's attempts to intercede.

After the two men began fighting, Nyarubakora is accused of biting off his opponent's finger, chewing and swallowing it. No remains of the finger were found by police at the scene, Janhi said.

Nyarubakora was freed on bail to reappear on court on Jan. 14. He faces the penalty of a fine or imprisonment.

I think it's the chewing of the finger that really has me bothered.

Next up we have Dallas. Only in Texas....

DALLAS - A 21-year-old man bit off a co-worker's ear after an argument over money, police said.

Doctors were able to reattach Anthony Tran's ear, police said. Co-worker Ray Leon Jefferson was in Dallas County jail Wednesday on $25,000 bail facing an aggravated robbery charge

The dispute began Tuesday night at a plant of Strategic Partners, a distributor of medical uniforms. According to police, Jefferson asked Tran, 21, for change for a $100 bill. Tran pulled a $20 bill and a $50 bill from his wallet. Jefferson took both bills, the police report said.

After telling Jefferson to return the money, police said, Tran held a pen to Jefferson's stomach. A scuffle ensued, and Tran's ear was bitten off, the police report said.

What? No chewing?

[Shockeye]

Can I get a hot dog with a side of sex, please?

BALDWIN, N.Y. - Two Long Island women who sold hot dogs and sodas from a truck were arrested on charges that their menu also featured sexual acts in exchange for money.
   
Catherina Scalia, 38, and Rose Skorge, 34, were arrested Wednesday afternoon after they "offered and agreed to engage in sexual conduct with others in return for a fee" at their hot dog stand, which was parked at Sunrise Highway and Rockwood Avenue, Nassau County police said in a news release.

Scalia offered to expose her breasts to an undercover officer who was buying a hot dog and Skorge offered him oral sex in exchange for money, Deputy Inspector Rick Capece, commanding officer of the Narcotics/Vice Squad, told Newsday for its Thursday editions. The women also gave the officer a card for a stripper business, Capece said.

Police started watching the truck more than a week ago after receiving a tip, he said.

Scalia and Skorge were charged with prostitution and were released on desk appearance tickets. They were scheduled to return to court on Jan. 10.

A message left at a telephone number listed for Scalia was not immediately returned. There was no listing for a Rose Skorge.

Why can't I get one of those special menus? All I ever see is sauerkraut for an extra fifty cents.

[shiznitz]

Buy oral, get a hotdog free!

[HaemishM]

So I guess they eat mayo on that dog?

[geldonyetich]

Well, I'm certainly not ordering the special sauce from that stand.

[Shockeye]

I guess it's too cold to read in North Dakota.

MINOT, North Dakota (AP) -- Thirty-six children were injured in a sledding accident during an all-night New Year's Eve party hosted by a religious organization.

Three of the children were hospitalized, but all were in stable condition Saturday, hospital officials said. The others were treated and released.

Police Sgt. Winston Black said more than 100 children ages 12 to 19 attending a Youth for Christ event gathered at a high school around 4 a.m. to slide down a hill using sleds built out of cardboard boxes.

A sign posted on the hill prohibited sledding.

The children and Youth for Christ staff piled eight to 12 passengers on the sleds, then went down the hill in quick succession, Black said. "The sleds struck rocks, a light pole and each other," he said.

Black said he did not know if the organization had permission to use the hill. Police were investigating.

There was no immediate response to a call seeking comment from Youth for Christ headquarters on Saturday.

[Shockeye]

In case any of you fancy yourselves a celebrity behind expert, the Sun would like to take you up on a challenge.

By JONATHAN WEINBERG

HAPPY New Rear!

2004 is at an end so what better way to celebrate than to see the back of some gorgeous celebrities.

These stunners have all had a great year and they're bound to have even more success in 2005.

But can you guess who they are?

We've been a bit cheeky and we're only showing you a snapshot of their bum along with a little clue to their identity.

So take your turn in guessing and find out if you're right by clicking each rear for a great phew of the saucy siren in all her glory.

And make sure you stick with The Sun Online throughout the coming months for all the best showbiz gossip and sexy pictures.

In 2005, thongs can only get better!

[Signe]

God, I hate the Sun.

[Shockeye]

God, I hate the Sun.

God, I hate your temporary avatar. Bring back the pussy! I mean, bring back the shaved cat.

[Signe]

No more shaved pussy for joo!  I can't believe you didn't put my Patsy back and stuck me with that goddam shaved pussy again.  You messed with me!  It's not right!  I'm sure that's an invasion of something!  

You make me titter with outrage.

[Shockeye]

You make me titter with outrage.

Indeed you are.

[Shockeye]

Homebrew Scienceman causes India some embarassment.

HILLSBORO, Ore. - Nearly every day, Larry Park rises early and drives the Pacific Northwest looking for earthquakes.

In the bed of his beige pickup, the computer expert has installed a rotating 3-foot (1-meter) disc that he says picks up certain vibrations that telegraph impending quakes around the world — temblors that conventional seismographs cannot measure.

This week, he said his data indicated another Big One brewing beneath the same area of south Asia where an earthquake unleashed tsunamis last weekend that killed more than 100,000 people.

He warned the governments of India, Indonesia and Australia. India, fearing another tsunami, took him seriously enough to issue a public warning. Tens of thousands of Indians fled their coastal homes in panic Thursday, but no quake or giant waves materialized.

Authorities now are chagrined they acted on the advice, since Park is not a geologist. The Indian science minister later dismissed Park’s prediction as “hogwash,” and one American scientist called it “gobbledygook.”

[geldonyetich]

It seems a disaster like the 9.0 quake would make anybody a bit jumpy, to the point of believing storm chasers in matters of geology.

[_savant_]

This one's a pretty good story too.

Grand Island standoff ends in suicide by chain saw

A Grand Island man killed himself with a chain saw Wednesday after a seven-hour standoff with police and state troopers, authorities said.
   
Paul E. Smidt Jr.
 
Paul E. Smidt Jr., 40, died after police tried to arrest him on a federal warrant, said Deb Collins, a spokeswoman for the Nebraska State Patrol.

The incident, the second recent standoff involving Smidt, began about 5 p.m. Tuesday at his Grand Island business, Smidt Lawn Care.

Police went there to serve Smidt a federal warrant for being a felon in possession of a firearm, Collins said.

Smidt refused access to the business and barricaded himself inside.

A 10-person SWAT team from the State Patrol was called in to assist, she said. The State Patrol also sent two negotiators, traffic units and commanders for a total of 18 people. Collins didn't know how many Grand Island police officers were present.

Negotiations with Smidt continued until after midnight, she said, when officers got into the building.

Smidt, carrying a chain saw, barricaded himself in a bathroom at the back of the business. Officers got into the bathroom and ordered Smidt to drop the chain saw.

When he refused, an officer fired a nonlethal "beanbag" round, striking Smidt, Collins said.

Smidt then lowered his neck onto the chain saw, taking his own life, she said. "He did not stumble or fall on the chain saw," she said.

Collins declined to name the officer who fired at Smidt. All of the officers involved were on duty Wednesday and underwent a stress debriefing, she said.

Beanbag rounds are 1 to 11/2 inches square and are fired from a 12-gauge shotgun, said State Patrol Capt. Fred Ruiz.

Most people would bruise if hit with a beanbag round, Ruiz said, but it usually doesn't penetrate the skin and typically isn't forceful enough to knock someone down.

The major effect, he said, is of stunning the person who is fired upon.

Smidt had recently been involved in a standoff at the Grand Island home of his estranged wife. Police were called there Oct. 29 after Smidt had threatened to kill her.

Smidt, armed with a shotgun, confronted Lois Smidt shortly after she arrived home at 5 o'clock that night, police said. He grabbed her and ordered her to the basement, threatening to kill her if she didn't comply.

He released Lois Smidt after a few minutes but stayed inside the house. The Grand Island-Hall County SWAT team arrived about 6 p.m., and the State Patrol SWAT team about 7:30 p.m.

Officers obtained an arrest warrant and entered the home about 2 a.m. Police said Smidt fired one shot during the standoff. No one was injured.

A woman who answered the phone at Smidt's house Wednesday directed questions to Grand Island lawyer Bill Kelly.

Kelly said he had visited Smidt's family and that they were grief-stricken.

He said they had a lot of questions, but information cannot be disclosed because of a pending grand jury investigation.

Kelly said he didn't know about the arrest warrant being served Tuesday until after his client was dead.

Smidt was awaiting trial in Hall County District Court on charges connected to the earlier standoff, including burglary, first-degree false imprisonment, making terroristic threats, being a felon in possession of a firearm, violating a protection order and stalking, according to court records.

He was out on bail, the records say.

Smidt served 14 months in prison in 1986 and 1987 for a theft conviction in Buffalo County. He did not have a history of violence, Kelly said.

"I thought he was a very cooperative client and enjoyed working with him immensely," he said. "In my dealings with him, he was a fine individual."

Kelly said Smidt had given no indication that he wanted to end his life.

Smidt had two or three children, Kelly said, and was in the process of getting divorced. His wife could not be reached for comment.

A special prosecutor will be named and a grand jury will investigate Smidt's death. State law requires that a grand jury be convened any time a person dies in police custody or while being apprehended.

[Shockeye]

Smidt then lowered his neck onto the chain saw, taking his own life, she said. "He did not stumble or fall on the chain saw," she said.

Wow. Just... wow.

[stray]

"He did not stumble or fall on the chain saw," she said

I'm having a hard time believing it.

[geldonyetich]

Smidt's last thoughts, "Shoot me with a beanbag, will they?  Well, I'll show them!"

Smidt was awaiting trial in Hall County District Court on charges connected to the earlier standoff, including burglary, first-degree false imprisonment, making terroristic threats, being a felon in possession of a firearm, violating a protection order and stalking, according to court records.

There's a new one.

[Llava]

That guy has serious bragging rights in hell.

"I got hit by a bus.  How did you die?"
"I tried to cut off my head with a GODDAMN CHAINSAW!"

[HaemishM]

Ok, how fucked up is it that he threatened his wife's life, FIRED A SHOTGUN when police tried to rescue his wife, and yet the motherfucker was out on bail? I mean, if he was a convicted felon in possession of a firearm, shouldn't he have been immediately returned to prison to serve out the rest of his sentence?

I also find it hard to believe that he didn't fall over when smacked by the beanbag. Though I'm sure the cops would claim, "Yeah, he took the beanbag to the breadbasket, then screamed, 'You'll never take me alive, coppers!' before falling on his own chainsaw." I'm sure that story is being repeated verbatim by all the officers involved.

What kind of moron locks himself in a bathroom with a chainsaw to hold off police? The kind of moron who doesn't have a gun handy.

[Dark Vengeance]

What kind of moron locks himself in a bathroom with a chainsaw to hold off police? The kind of moron who doesn't have a gun handy.

Ash says "I disagree with ya, baby."

Bring the noise.
Cheers............

[HaemishM]

Yeah, but Ash could hardly not lock himself in a bathroom with a chainsaw, seeing as how his hand WAS a chainsaw. And Ash would never be stupid enough to fall on it.

[schild]

Ever since the movie Sneakers came out, we've been getting dramas, comedy and thrillers with multiple people, normally waist-up/head on teaser posters and one sheets.




I think we're moving into a new era of "brooding star looking downward like he's thinking of something important." Typical movie posters lead to total suck. For an example go look at the Whole Ten Yards, Big Trouble, and Catch Me if you Can. Which one turned out to be a good movie?

Now that's useless news.

Edit:


Now look at how Depp and Cage are looking forward, at you, saying "Come watch my movie." Now those will be good flicks.

The above post is total bullshit. I'm just tired. But I think I'm onto something with those Batman and Constantine posters.

[stray]

Catch Me if You Can was great. And if you take it's alternative poster into account, the rule still applies (kinda):

[schild]

For an example go look at the Whole Ten Yards, Big Trouble, and Catch Me if you Can. Which one turned out to be a good movie?

I'm saying Catch me if you Can turned out to be the good movie of those 3. Big Trouble and Whole Ten Yards had typical boring ass shitty posters and the official one sheet for Catch me if you Can was just awesome.

Sigh, I don't even know why I felt the need to explain that.

Anyway, here's the original one sheet for Catch me..



Here's links to the terribly cliche Big Trouble and Whole Ten Yards

[stray]

Ah, I gotcha.

In that case, Episode III will be good: