movies that suck

[Madman]

That was Dirty Dancing for me. Godfuckingdamn I hated that movie. I still want Patrick Swayze to die a thousand horrifying deaths for inflicting it on an unsuspecting public.

Yeah, but he more than made up for Dirty Dancing by being in Road House.

If you want a great movie track down the movie that contains the quote 'Raise the flags of all nations, that'll slow us down!'.

[Wolf]

I also have the accomplishment of successfully reading all ten volumes of Mission Earth.

Heh I read them all, too. Can't say it's the longest thing I've read, as WoT is at #11 now...

[Ironwood]

Don't Diss The Big Bus.

[Ironwood]

Maybe I ought to watch that one as well.  I tend to think of Betty Blue instead.

´

Now, there's a movie that sucked but you had to pretend to like if you wanted to get laid in the 80s.
(at least in my part of the world where we don't run screaming at the sight of subtitles)

I watched it all the way through once and didn't mind it horribly.  But previous viewings (around 100 of them or so) had always been restricted to the first five ten minutes.

[Bunk]

I also have the accomplishment of successfully reading all ten volumes of Mission Earth.

Heh I read them all, too. Can't say it's the longest thing I've read, as WoT is at #11 now...

Ah, but I read all ten in highschool (mostly during classes) in about 3 months. Jordan didn't beat Hubbard for me, because I gave up on WoT after book 9 was nothing but a recap of two days that happened in book 8.

[Sky]

I got 6 books into WoT, but read all the Hubbard series, and Battlefield Earth. Liked both.

[MrHat]

Wanna know what doesn't suck?

Ong-Bak.  Good times.

[Madman]

Don't Diss The Big Bus.

I wasn't dissing it. I was calling it a great movie. That movie is so damn funny and I usually have a bias against older movies.

[Viin]

Wanna know what doesn't suck?

Ong-Bak.  Good times.

Yah pretty good movie. Half the time you are cringing - ow! ow! ow! that had to hurt! Good martial arts flick. :)

[Velorath]

Although not the same bridge it is in the same area (like within a few feet.)  Seriously, it would have been cool to have the battle on the bridge.

That's the bridge leading towards the Uni.  I went to that Uni.  I had sex on that bridge.  I also puked my guts over it into the murky river so many times you wouldn't believe it.

Ahhh, when I was young.

That sounds eerily like something SirBruce would have posted.

[Ironwood]

No, it really doesn't.

Unless I posted a made-up chart in there as well, or possibly details of the times I fucked a dog while wearing a fursuit and the dog was drugged up.


While giving blood.

[Wolf]

Wanna know what doesn't suck?

Ong-Bak.  Good times.

I don't know about Ong-Bak, but the next movie from the same guy (Tom Yum Goong) was featured on lame movie night. It was awesome.
Basically the story goes like this: Evil Japanese people steal the main dude's (MD) Elephants (one big and one little one). So MD kicks some ass, understands they're in Sydney, goes to Sydney, around 100 skaters attack him in an abandoned warehouse, he kicks their asses, I zoned out at this point, he fights a Brazilian capoeira-dude and than a professional wrestler (as in WWF Wrestler...), zoned out again, he starts cutting people with broken bones, movie ends. There was also an Asian anchorwoman that tried to speak with "Aussie" accent, it was very funny. She was cute. It was an awesome movie all around. I highly recommend it for some lame fun.

edit: I forgot, at one point there was a fat guy that ate a Scorpion, because apparently it's an endangered species and a delicacy. No Christana Loken topless sex in this movie :(

[Bunk]

I watched the new Dukes of Hazzard movie last night. Not exactly a great movie by any means, but it had some nice eye candy, some cute references to the TV series, and a few pretty funny moments. Probably would have been better if Sean William Scott was actually playing Bo Duke rather than the guy from Dude, where's my car?

I actually bring this up, because the movie was directed by Jay Chandrekelelsssarr... of Broken Lizard fame. Dukes actually includes an unexpected reference to Super Troopers that had me howling. It has inspired me to offer another entry in to the list of Bad movies that really aren't bad:

Club Dread.

To date, I have found two people how enjoyed this movie, myself being one of them. Sometimes I just don't understand people's taste. This movie is a perfect parody of every teen slasher movie made. Scream tried to be a "serious parody" of slashers, and Scary Movie was essentially a parody of a parody - Club Dread on the other hand is plain over the top making fun of slasher movies.

Interestingly, the roles played by the actors are pretty much reversed here from Super Troopers, with Jay Chandrasekhar playing the annoying boob, and Kevin Heffernan playing the hero.

It takes the slasher movie standards and embraces them. And then it gropes them a little. The rules followed in this movie are pretty simple; if you do any of the following during the movie - walk alone, have sex with a girl, discover a clue, seem guilty, think you killed the slasher, or pretty much just happen to not be one of the two main characters... the slasher gets you.

What I liked is that around all of the over the top slasher parody, you still have a pretty funny little movie. Watching Bill Paxton as Coconut Pete freaking out on a fan for asking him to play Margaritaville (rather than Pina Coladaburgh, which he wrote 7 years before that hack wrote Margaritaville) was classic. Yes, the movie moves away from the story for the last half hour, which devolves in to a nonstop run from the slasher sequence (as all such movies do), but that's ok. Some people have complained to me that this sequence is never ending, but personally I think that was the point.

There is plenty of requisite t&a content here, though Brittany Daniel's rack really should have been set free at some point. It also manages to keep the horror content on the cheesy funny level rather than getting in to the pee your pants scary level, which is appropriate with the feel of the movie.

Really, it's a movie for fans of Broken Lizard - I just don't get why they don't have more fans.

[Zetleft]

Club Dread.
To date, I have found two people how enjoyed this movie, myself being one of them. Sometimes I just don't understand people's taste.

Ok so you enjoyed Battlefield Earth and that flick.... I'm thinking you are the one with the odd movie tastes.  Hell I love stupid movies and even I could not stand to watch more then a minute of either of those abominations. 

Personally I get a kick out of Underworld though the first time I saw that I was very disappointed.  What's the consensus on the sequel?

[Bunk]

Underworld Evolution - in a nutshell, it was a fun action movie, but it lacked the style the first one had.

[Polysorbate80]

Personally I get a kick out of Underworld though the first time I saw that I was very disappointed.  What's the consensus on the sequel?

Poorly written and acted, as well as somehow predictable and confusing at the same time, but entertaining in a gratuitously bloody sort of way.

And y'know, Kate, tight leather, all that stuff :)

[Merusk]

This thread doesn't deliver. I need to know more movies that suck so I can avoid spending my hard-earned money on rentals.  I just don't go to theaters anymore.  Paying to see "Batman & Robin" was what did me in.  After that, I've avoided them except when 1) given free tickets 2) there was a movie I knew I absolutely HAD to see on a bigscreen.   My theater viewings are down to something like 2-3 times a year now.

[Signe]

I enjoyed Cool Runnings.   

[Hanzii]

My most guilty pleasure is Dead Heat.

[HaemishM]

Club Dread.

To date, I have found two people how enjoyed this movie, myself being one of them. Sometimes I just don't understand people's taste. This movie is a perfect parody of every teen slasher movie made. Scream tried to be a "serious parody" of slashers, and Scary Movie was essentially a parody of a parody - Club Dread on the other hand is plain over the top making fun of slasher movies.

Dude, Club Dread kicks much ass. I love that movie, and it's what got me to see Super Troopers. I still need to watch Dukes, if only because the Broken Lizard guys are involved. Bill Paxton was magic in Club Dread. It was a better teen slasher flick than most of the teen slasher flicks have been in the last 5-10 years, and more entertaining. And I don't just mean because of the boobage.

[shiznitz]

Watched Into the Blue (Jessica Alba and Jessica Alba's ass in a bikini and that annoying dude from Fast and Furious). Acting is atrocious, but it did crank up the tension enough at the end to save itself.

[Yegolev]

Club Dread was awesome.  Live-action PAC-MAN?  Yeah, I cracked up.  Paxton was hilarious.  It was ridiculous on purpose, which is much different than being ridiculous accidentally.

Brit didn't have to let the girls out in order to accomplish her goal, assuming her goal was to be hot.

House of Flying Daggers: Saw it Saturday.  Meh.  I have seen worse, I guess, but I have certainly seen better.  Nice scenery, though.

[Bunk]

Dude, Club Dread kicks much ass. I love that movie, and it's what got me to see Super Troopers. I still need to watch Dukes, if only because the Broken Lizard guys are involved. Bill Paxton was magic in Club Dread. It was a better teen slasher flick than most of the teen slasher flicks have been in the last 5-10 years, and more entertaining. And I don't just mean because of the boobage.

Dukes actually sucked - but its worth seeing for one particular scene that Chandrasekhar put in as sort of an homage to Super Troopers. Had me howling.

Also just saw Puddle Cruisers. Terrible movie that basically got released to video because it was made by Broken lizard before Super Troopers. See it if your a BL fan, just for fan sake, otherwise stay away.

[HaemishM]

It is now on my Netflix queue.

[Yegolev]

I found Closer to be bad, but relationship movies are not my thing.  The dialog was bothersome.  Owen was good but not worth enduring Roberts or Law.  I have not seen Jude Law in anything else but he didn't impress me in Closer.  Of course, Owen probably just made everything else look more shitty by being so good.  Amidala in the strip club was OK, though.

[Strazos]

Just saw Underworld Evolution 2 nights ago. The movie was largely pointless, and pretty gratuitous.

Like, it's great that Kate Beckinsale did a nearly-nude sex scene, which was then followed by some brief nudity by some hookers....but wtf was the point? It made no sense.

"Whew, we survived the big scary mutated vampire guy (for now), and I didn't die when I was exposed to a few seconds of sunlight - lets bang in this cargo container in an abandoned Siberian warehouse!"

Inferior to the original. Though, Kate did look damn good in the movie. Flat tummy and tight leather for the win.

[Hoax]

I sort of enjoyed Puddle Chasers, it had some moments and was so low budget most everything else could be forgiven.  It had that super indy "realness" feeling to it.

Club Dread was damn funny though, anyone who says otherwise is crazy, live action pacman almost killed me.