movies that suck

[Furiously]

So - which will be the better vampire movie: Bloodrayne or Underworld: Evolution??

I'm so tempted to go see both for some reason though...

[tazelbain]

Underworld.

I like cheesy vampire movies and I liked Underworld 1.
Skipping Bloodrayne.  Lifetime produces movies with better production values then what I have seen in the trailers for Bloodrayne.

[Furiously]

I hear it's Uwe Boll's best film to date....

[Shockeye]

I hear it's Uwe Boll's best film to date....

That's like saying one form of cancer is better than another. Sure it might be curable or not as much of a hassle, but it's still cancer and it still sucks.

[WayAbvPar]

Man, this thread title could inspire a thousand posts. I carefully avoid seeing most movies I KNOW will suck, but some still get through my filters. On occasion I will purposely subject myself to a bad flick just to see how bad it is- the past 2 have had markedly different reactions.

Van Helsing- I turned it off before the 10 minute mark. SO FUCKING STUPID. I was horrified by just how bad it was. If I had seen this in a theatre I would have AT THE VERY LEAST gotten a refund. They would be lucky if I didn't burn the theatre down.

The Day After Tomorrow- Also known as the movie that science forgot. Watched the whole thing, mostly because I was half asleep on my couch and couldn't find the remote. Anyone who ever graduated the 3rd grade could poke giant holes in the plot. This might be a good MST3K candidate.


As for the original post- one has Beckinsale. In tight black leather. That is easily a decisive factor.

[Furiously]

As for the original post- one has Beckinsale. In tight black leather. That is easily a decisive factor.

So did Van Helsing.

[schild]

This is not a healthy thread for me.

[Shockeye]

This is not a healthy thread for me.

I've seen your movie collection. You have a healthy number of movies that fall under the "suck" category.

[schild]

This is not a healthy thread for me.

I've seen your movie collection. You have a healthy number of movies that fall under the "suck" category.

Agreed.

[Signe]

I can't imagine that this thread was started for any other reason than to see Haemish type nasty words in a giant, red font.

[WayAbvPar]

As for the original post- one has Beckinsale. In tight black leather. That is easily a decisive factor.

So did Van Helsing.

I didn't get that far. Frankenstein and his monster did me in with nary a hottie to be seen.

[Furiously]

It's ok - she was wearing a merrywidow-thingie with a floral print and I swear for 3/4 of the movies I was thinking... "It that a nipple? Did I just see a nipple? No - that was her shirt annoying me again. Making me think it was a nipple. Damn nipple patterns on a floral print shirt. A white shirt would have been so much better."

Of course by that time - 5 minutes had passed and I missed everything that had happened. So there were other characters then her shirt and frankenstein?

[Fabricated]

I remember getting dragged to The Day After Tomorrow by a friend of mine. I can't remember what it was, but we originally went to see what ended up being a MUCH better movie, but my friend wanted to see The Day After Tomorrow so we ended up watching that.

God, CG wolves and people running from cold air down a hallway.

[Samwise]

WE DIDN'T LISTEN!

[Hoax]

Really though if you saw the SouthPark about global warming AND the Day after Tomarrow then the movie was worth it.  Because that episode was 30 minutes of comedic bliss.

[Samwise]

The episode was comedic bliss on its own.  I didn't see anything of the movie beyond the trailer and I didn't feel like I was missing anything.

[DevilsAdvocate]

"The Island" - saw this one on DVD. Interesting characters, neat story, but I got a feeling about halfway through that it was written in chunks by different people. Stuff they introduce at the beginning that you would think were setup for later plot points are ignored later on. When you get to the end, it still leaves you with a question that the movie never answered although those dropped points could have - what caused the event that caused all this to happen again?

I saw the first Underworld. It was OK. Acting was subpar, story wasn't very good either. Effects were decent. Then the VAMPIRE gets stabbed in the arm and passes out from blood loss and I went WTF? Ain't no blood going to her undead brain. A lack of it should not cause her to pass out. And if you say the loss of blood equates to loss of power so she shuts down, then how does she wake up without getting a blood refill? The gaping inconsistency was my vote against adding it to my movie collection.

That reminds me of League of Extraordinary Gentleman. In the end, an immortal guy fights a vampire. He has known her for a very long time. Yet, he stabs her with a metal sword, then walks away like she is dead. She gets up and owns him. WTF??? You know she is a vampire and you have known for a very long time that she ain't gonna be killed by a sword. You gotta stake her or burn her. Sean Connery rocked in that movie, but the silly plot stuff like that just pissed me off.

AWESOME MOVIES that I have recently rented: Hero, House of Flying Daggers, Serenity. I would highly recommend all three of them. Kung-Fu Hustle was pretty good too, but the story was essentially the same as Shaolin Soccer.

[Viin]

The Van Helsing anime cartoon short is good. While you are renting that, rent Chronicals of Riddick: Dark Fury.

Actual sucky movies (looking at my netflix ratings):
 
American Movie
Lost Highway
Abandon

Umm why do I have things on my 'returned' list that I've never seen? Weird.

I pretty much stay away from movie theatres (now) unless I know for sure it's a move I want to see or my fiancee makes me go. Thank god she went to see Brokeback Mountain with some of her girlfriends.

Movies I've seen recently (in theatres):

- The Ringer: **
- Syriana: ***1/2 to ****
- Narnia: ****
- Walk the Line: ****
- Jarhead: ****1/2
- Memoirs of a Geisha: ***1/2
- Aeon Flux: ***1/2

I recommend all of them except The Ringer. Why oh why did I let them drag me to that awful movie?

[tazelbain]

Hero

So Chinese propaganda is good plot?

[DevilsAdvocate]

Hero

So Chinese propaganda is good plot?

Did we watch the same movie?

The story was excellent. How it related to real life events in China, I have no idea. I assumed it was a myth.

If you are meaning that the "Birth of a Nation" aspects of the story are propaganda, I see it as harmless. No more harmful than 4th of July Colonial history stuff like "The Patriot".

[Bunk]

The Patriot was plenty harmful, thanks.  *Shudder*

I fully admit to having a huge collection of movies that suck. While I like good movies, I also enjoy movies that are fun, exciting, and have quality T&A. Movies like Underworld and Resident Evil qualified under that, the first Tomb Raider as well. Van Helsing did not.

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen tried, but fell short. Same thing with Brothers Grimm.

I am actually a big fan if Underworld. Personally I didn't really care about Scott Speedman's character, but I loved pretty much everything else about it. There are only two movies I have bought the basic dvd first, and then a directors cut later: Underworld, and some movie about Hobbits.

For anyone who didn't hate Underworld, I do recommend seeing the Director's cut. It adds 15 minutes or so in to the movie, and it's almost all character building and fleshing out the backstory. I thought it really made the movie feel more complete.

Hell, I've had a thing for Beckinsale since Much ado About Nothing, so yea, I'll be there opening night.

While on the topic of movies that are supposed to suck, but actually don't; I'll throw out a favorite from my collection for discussion:

Josie and the Pussycats.

First off - no slamming it unless you actually saw the movie. I found it to be entertaining satire right through, mixed with harmless comedy and cute girls. The villains ham it up to the extreme, but that can work when you have a couple of great performers like Alan Cumming and Parker Posey (why, oh why did she do Blade 3?).

I knew I'd love the movie right from the start once we were introduced to a Boy Band called "du Jour". It's a movie that if you take it for what it's meant to be, can really be quite entertaining.

Perhaps I'll subject my self to more ridicule in the future with some more bad movie suggestions.

[squirrel]

Well recently a friend of mine who's a diver rented Into the Blue and brought it over for some big screen goodness. What a vapid film. Absolutely no redeeming qualities save the fact that the director was wise enough to capture as much footage of Jessica Alba's ass as possible. This made it bearable. Just.

[Tebonas]

The only enjoyment I got out of "Day after Tomorrow" was the thought that during the flight one of the engines would fall down from the plane, making it a total Donnie Darko moment.

They didn't, but I still enjoyed the movie pretending the boy was Donnie Darko after all. He played him the same way, so it was easy.

The worst movie I ever saw in the cinema was "House of Flying Daggers". Expecting some treat similar to "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" or "Hero" (Propaganda, Schmopaganda, you wouldn't know it from the movie if you didn't know it was supposed to give a propaganda message), it had neither a compelling story nor interesting fight scenes. I swear this was the first and last movie I really regretted paying money for, because I couldn't even mock it over a burger afterwards.

[Bunk]

Wow. If you hated House of Flying Daggers that much, I'm not even going to talk to you about "bad" movies.

Just, wow. Personally, I liked it better than Hero.

[Tebonas]

Well usually I don't go into the cinema to watch movies that I think could be bad. Not that I work hard for my money as can be experienced right now, but I don't throw away my money on principle. House of Flying Daggers was one of about three surprise in thirtyone years in that regard. And Hero was good, it had if nothing else a superb usage of coloring the scenes. If I would have to think about one thing I like about House of Flying Daggers I would draw a blank. But there is no account for taste they say.

[Ironwood]

House of Flying Daggers was awesome.

If you think it had no story, you weren't watching.


Sorry, I promised to stay out of this thread.  I PROMISED, MR FRODO!

[Tebonas]

I said compelling story, didn't I?

[Ironwood]

Then I take it back, since compelling is subjective.  I found it compelling.  But then I think the same thing about my wife and I wouldn't want you to get fascinated about her.

:)

[Murgos]

Blind Date with Bruce Willis.  Worst movie ever.

I liked League of Extraordinary Gentlemen simply because it had Sean Connery doing Alan Quartermain.  Pretty much everything else in the movie I can gloss over.

[Strazos]

I said it way back when the movie originally came out....

I hated Hero, I really really did.

And is it just me, or does Jet Li seem to play the same kind of character in everything he does? The slighted hero out for vengeance. Who doesn't do a lot of talking.

[tazelbain]

"Hero" (Propaganda, Schmopaganda, you wouldn't know it from the movie if you didn't know it was supposed to give a propaganda message)

No, thats what pissed me off the most, I wasn't expecting it. It was okay little film about a man taking the evil empire that had more style than substance.  Then, suddenly boom, the whole "be a good little communist and die for the state" kicks in.  Puke.

[Gutboy Barrelhouse]

The Thin Red Line....................................

Pearl Harbor.............................

Some directors and producers should stay away from real life events.

[Sky]

I have the Underworld director's cut. Decent enough flick, the commentary was interesting, too.

Suckiest movie I've seen lately: Nick Fury starring The Hasslehoff. Holy shit is that bad. Only caught the end of it, but couldn't turn it off, it was grossly fascinating.

[Shockeye]

[Furiously]

The Thin Red Line....................................

Pearl Harbor.............................

Some directors and producers should stay away from real life events.

See - I could watch Pearl Harbor again and again and again. But that could just be Kate Beckinsale. And yea - the commentary on Underworld was good.

I'll agree with Josie and the Pussycats.  Mostly for Du Jour. Backdoor Lover made me laugh.