movies that suck

[ahoythematey]

We are but shadows in dust, jpark.  Shadows in dust.

[Fabricated]

I thought Predator 2 was hilarious because Danny Glover beats a killing machine of an alien in a hand-to-hand fight with the alien's own weapon.

[Furiously]

What was there to like in Gladiator that wasn't done better in Braveheart?

[HaemishM]

I condemn you all... you're the same guys who didn't like Gladiator.

Bah.

I liked Gladiator, despite its complete lack of any actual historical accuracy whatsoever.

[schild]

I liked gladiator and if I want history I'll read a history book.

[Shockeye]

I condemn you all... you're the same guys who didn't like Gladiator.

Bah.

I liked Gladiator, despite its complete lack of any actual historical accuracy whatsoever.

It was very historical to me. The truthiness of that movie was beyond what any book might say.

[WayAbvPar]

I condemn you all... you're the same guys who didn't like Gladiator.

Bah.

Probably because Gladiator sucked ass.


What do you call a Roman Senator with a pube in his teeth? Gladiator! 

[Llava]

I condemn you all... you're the same guys who didn't like Gladiator.

Bah.

You are a bad human being for liking that movie.

[jpark]

I condemn you all... you're the same guys who didn't like Gladiator.

Bah.

I liked Gladiator, despite its complete lack of any actual historical accuracy whatsoever.

Whoa.  I am no historian - but the I thought the depiction of Rome in its final conflict with the Teutonic tribes in the opening scene in Europe was quite impressive.

[Bunk]

Gladiator qualified for me in the entertaining movie category. Braveheart was a movie with a few good sequences, but was basically overrated tripe.

[Rasix]

Gladiator has 100% less crazy-as-fuck Mel Gibson in it. 

[jpark]

Looking forward to the sequal to Underworld. 

I realize films are subjective - but if you're a man - Kate Beckinsdale is not 

In other words - there is every reason to see the film   

[Shockeye]

Kate Beckinsale photos from "Underworld: Evolution" premiere.

[Lt.Dan]

Gladiator has 100% less crazy-as-fuck Mel Gibson in it. 

I vote Gladiator too.  The whole "Narnia as allegory for the life of Christ" thing got me thinking about Braveheart.  Mel Gibson playing "the martyr for the true people of a certain land against the oppressive regime" really sticks in my craw.  Bring back Haemish's Melvatar.

[Megrim]

Kate Beckinsale photos from "Underworld: Evolution" premiere.

Thank YOU.

[voodoolily]

To everyone who doesn't like Yimou Zhang films (Hero, Hidden Daggers, etc.): you're ignorant, you're an asshole, and you're wrong. You don't get Wu Xia and that's your fault, not his. Don't knock a centuries-old genre of storytelling (and filmmaking, for the last 85 years) just because your lazy western ass doesn't understand that these stories are ancient Chinese fairy tales.

Cinéma chinoise is a thing of beauty, and if you don't agree it's because you're wrong. Or just stupid.

[schild]

Hey Voodoolily - Hero was a piece of shit.

The guy has a good batting record, but no one can make Jet Li worth watching. House of Flying Daggers was masterful though.

Edit: And just for fun, I could smoke your ass on the topic of chinese cinema. People know my <3s for Asia.

[voodoolily]

This isn't a competition, schildy. Blow it out yer ass.

[schild]

This isn't a competition, schildy. Blow it out yer ass.

* schild blows daggers out of his ass at your copy of Hero.

[Signe]

I don't get those movies.  I didn't get that Flying Tiger, Hidden Driveway one, either.  They don't make a spit of sense to me.  They're fun to watch, however...  because they are so silly looking.

[voodoolily]

but no one can make Jet Li worth watching.

Any red-blooded girl (and 10% of boys) knows there are "other reasons" for watching Jet Li films, silly.

[schild]

but no one can make Jet Li worth watching.

Any red-blooded girl (and 10% of boys) knows there are "other reasons" for watching Jet Li films, silly.

Oh, admit it. You've got the fever.

[Strazos]

Is VDL having some kind of withdraw or something? The hate is strong...

[voodoolily]

Jet Li is hawt. In that tiny Asian man sort of way.

[Evil Elvis]

Unleashed was the bomb.

[Megrim]

DRAMA!

[HaemishM]

To everyone who doesn't like Yimou Zhang films (Hero, Hidden Daggers, etc.): you're ignorant, you're an asshole, and you're wrong. You don't get Wu Xia and that's your fault, not his. Don't knock a centuries-old genre of storytelling (and filmmaking, for the last 85 years) just because your lazy western ass doesn't understand that these stories are ancient Chinese fairy tales.

Cinéma chinoise is a thing of beauty, and if you don't agree it's because you're wrong. Or just stupid.

Fairy tales can be told in 10 minutes, are told to children to get them to act right, and generally have a fucking point. Hero was 10 minutes of story wrapped inside an hour and a half of directorial masturbation, photographic lushness and the belief that looking pretty is more important than keeping the fucking audience awake.

Also, the opening battle sequence in Gladiator was good, and mildly historical. But frankly, the first episode of Rome got the historical tactics of the Roman legions "righter." After that opening battle sequence, Gladiator took a hard left turn into silly, inaccurate melodrama. It was entertaining, and I liked it, but I had to turn off my brain to do so.

I haven't watched Braveheart since I saw The Passion. Mel Gibson's brain needs a goddamn enema. But Braveheart is still a better movie than Gladiator, and just as historically inaccurate. If you ask me why, just on a whim I might say something like "the battle of Stirling involved a bridge."

[Murgos]

Although not the same bridge it is in the same area (like within a few feet.)  Seriously, it would have been cool to have the battle on the bridge.

[Strazos]

That always got me...

The Scots won the damn battle SOLELY because of their use of the bridge as a chokepoint against the English. You take the bridge out, and it's not even the same battle.

That's like staging the Battle of Salamis (480 BC) in the open ocean. It's stupid.

[Soln]

Propaganda at the end aside...  there were some pretty beautiful and impressive moments in Hero.  The leaf fight and library fight or exhibition, were very cool IMO.

[Bunk]

I don't want to pick sides between Schild and Lily here, but my opinion here falls more to Scild's side. Hero was an absolutely beautiful movie, and yes I do understand Wu Xia, it just felt really shallow. I think it was part Jet li, and part just the fact that it was essentially the same short story told three times in a row. Daggers had some pacing issues and such, but it was a totally engrossing movie for me.

Crouching Tiger on the other hand... Signe you baffle me here, as Crouching Tiger had to be one of the most accessable Wu Xia films made. It's a story about romance and resposibilty - pretty standard stuff with a little wire-fu mixed in. It's still high on my list of all time favorite movies.

As for Braveheart - I laughed at the ending. I'm talking bust a gut out loud howling at "FREEEEDOOOOMMMMM>>GLTRCH!". Most of the people around me at the time were probably a little offended. Oh well.

Damn do I hate working on Saturday.

[Zetleft]

Damn do I hate working on Saturday.

At least we can all agree on that.

Hero seemed like a pretty forgettable movie the first time I watched it, the second time I saw it I thought it was the most brilliant and well shot movie ever.  I was very very stoned at the time so I think that may have something to do with it.

[jpark]

Schild's class of choice is the Paladin.  His taste in character classes is only matched by his taste in films 

I quite liked Hero.  It was interesting from a cultural point of view - to get a sense of the propganda/spin the Chinese put on their own history and what some of their concerns are regarding national unity.

Jet Li not watchable?  If you want great acting see Anthony Hopkins/ Pacino / Hepbrun et al.  That is not Jet's value proposition:  he is genuinely athletic.

Since the innovative but widely copied matrix flim sequences for combat - these days Woody Allen could be a super action star.

Jet is one of the few action stars today that can live up to the billing (my up and comer in this category is that guy that Starred in the Transporter movies).

[HaemishM]

Again, Hero WAS shot brilliantly. It was absolutely gorgeous, with only Crouching Tiger matching it for sheer lushness. Hero actually looked a little better.

But that's not enough for a movie. Crouching Tiger's story was MUCH denser, with characters you got to care about. Hero's characters weren't even solid enough to be called one-dimensional. They were one line descriptions of characters, whose motivations weren't even expressed by their actors. To me, even the fight scenes were boring, whereas the fights in Tiger were incredible.

And I had tears in my eyes when I saw the "FREEDOM!" yell at the end of Braveheart, in the theater. Yes, it was a manipulative as fuck cinematic moment, but it worked for me. It was about 100 times squared more effective than any moment in The Passion.

[Signe]

I don't know... I just don't understand them.  My sister, however, loves them all... the weirder, the better.  I'm not saying I haven't enjoyed watching some of them... I have.  I just don't know what the hell is going on most of the time.  I enjoy the weirdness and wire-fu without having to understand much of the story.  I am very, very easily entertained.  It's mostly Asian film that muddles my mind, such as the ones mentioned in this thread.  I'm ok with other sorts of artsy fartsy indie type films and I'm very attracted to them.  I'm especially big on the German and Italian ones.

I'm much better with books.  My book comprehension-fu is very good.  I'm also good with other art forms, such as fine art and sculpture, especially conceptual.  That's why I never say mean things about Yoko Ono.