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Author Topic: Useless Movies  (Read 17115 times)
TheWalrus
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Reply #315 on: September 11, 2017, 06:30:04 PM

Slap tits on the mummy this time, that'll sell!

Paelos: Somebody find that post where I declared Seattle dead, because those fuckers are NFL cockroaches in the NFC.
Velorath
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Reply #316 on: September 11, 2017, 07:54:49 PM

To be fair, Sofia Boutella was not the problem with that movie.
Khaldun
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Reply #317 on: September 11, 2017, 07:58:03 PM

No, but the concept thinking that casting the Mummy as a woman embodied the problem. If you write a story where arguably the woman turned into a supernaturally powerful mummy is semi-sympathetic conceptually, make the fucking movie around that. Shit, even the Brendan Fraser version got that. The old Universal films definitely got that--the monster had to be at least somewhat sympathetic. But you have to really get that idea at some deeper level than a script pitch to a bunch of coked-up fuckfaces sitting around in a Burbank office.
schild
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Reply #318 on: September 11, 2017, 08:03:08 PM

They made her the mummy and then had a white male yank her power away and become a scientologist god.

The movie was shit.

It wasn't even the fucking Mummy.
calapine
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Reply #319 on: September 16, 2017, 05:34:07 AM

As a less depressing version of "XY died" I propose "What, XY is still around?"

Part 1: Philip Andre Rourke jr aka Mickey Rourke turned 65 today.

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Merusk
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Reply #320 on: September 16, 2017, 06:43:27 PM

Michael Keaton is going to ruin his comeback if he keeps picking stinkers like American Assassin. None of the charm of Bond. None of the action of Bourne. None of the fun of Kingsman. 

The women in the movie existed solely as props, yes, even the CIA handler and field agent. They were token and the "I understand you" scene was cringey even though it had a reason.

The plot was as thin as a UK shopping bag and the 'twists' were more predictable than a conservative's response to gay neighbors.

In all, I'm glad I only used movie pass for it. I kept waiting for some real action or drama and it just never came. Keaton nailed his performance and character, but the kid was wooden and I never bought him as the badass or rule-breaker he was supposed to be other than because of the events on screen.

2/5

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
Shannow
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Reply #321 on: September 29, 2017, 08:50:58 AM

There's a trailer out for Annihilation. I won't grace it with a thread yet. It looks boring and confusing , just like the book. Or am I not cool enough to get it?

I found that book immensely crappy.

Someone liked something? Who the fuzzy fuck was this heretic? You don't come to this website and enjoy something. Fuck that. ~ The Walrus
Khaldun
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Reply #322 on: September 29, 2017, 09:21:10 AM

I wanted to like it--I get that it was going for a Lovecraftian feeling where nothing could be too directly seen or described--but yeah, in the end, it just felt flat and uninvolving to me. I could not really care about the main character.
HaemishM
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Reply #323 on: September 29, 2017, 02:39:05 PM

The trailer looks great to me.

Ironwood
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Reply #324 on: October 02, 2017, 05:20:48 AM

Me too.  The film is going to bomb hard though.  There's no way it'll do the pointless nature of the books any justice if it tries and if it doesn't, I don't see the point.

Yes, I see the multiple irony and pun-itude in what I wrote.  I stand by it.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Shannow
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Reply #325 on: October 02, 2017, 09:11:40 AM


Yes, I see the multiple irony and pun-itude in what I wrote.  I stand by it.


 Ohhhhh, I see.

Someone liked something? Who the fuzzy fuck was this heretic? You don't come to this website and enjoy something. Fuck that. ~ The Walrus
calapine
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Reply #326 on: October 24, 2017, 10:20:10 AM

Kelvin Kline is 70 today.

Maybe time to rewatch a A fish named Wanda.  Heart


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Abagadro
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Reply #327 on: October 26, 2017, 11:03:50 PM

Happy Birthday Mr. Manfrengensen.

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Samwise
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Reply #328 on: October 31, 2017, 10:07:07 AM

Not at all a useless movie, but I saw "The Thing" for the first time ever in a theater the other day (in glorious 70mm), and holy shit is that a great movie that I should have seen a long time ago.

"Nice attempted blast about my "drinking".  I do enjoy a nice cuppa, but that is because I am a bon vivant of gregarious nature and cheery disposition." - Ab
Signe
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Reply #329 on: October 31, 2017, 12:21:54 PM

The Kurt Russell one, right?  I love that film, too, and it freaked the crap out of me!  They Live was really good, too.  Probably better but it didn't have Kurt Russell.  Having said that, it DID star Rowdy Roddy Piper.

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Ironwood
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Reply #330 on: October 31, 2017, 12:41:11 PM

Not at all a useless movie, but I saw "The Thing" for the first time ever in a theater the other day (in glorious 70mm), and holy shit is that a great movie that I should have seen a long time ago.

What the fuck is wrong with you ?

For anyone else ;  If you haven't seen this, you should see this. Jesus.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Samwise
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Reply #331 on: October 31, 2017, 01:24:06 PM

Not at all a useless movie, but I saw "The Thing" for the first time ever in a theater the other day (in glorious 70mm), and holy shit is that a great movie that I should have seen a long time ago.

What the fuck is wrong with you ?

For anyone else ;  If you haven't seen this, you should see this. Jesus.

I was not yet 1 year old when it came out, and I guess it never came on the Sci-Fi channel when I was a teenager, which was my main way of catching up on older movies as I grew up.   Sad Panda 

Prior to going to see it in the theater I was about 30% sure I had seen it as a kid, because I remembered what it was about, but once I saw the first monster effect I knew I was wrong because I would absolutely remember those visuals.  Must have just heard it described to me.

I am glad I got to have the experience of seeing it for the first time in a theater, though.  I may have been a bit disruptive because I kept giggling with delight.

"Nice attempted blast about my "drinking".  I do enjoy a nice cuppa, but that is because I am a bon vivant of gregarious nature and cheery disposition." - Ab
Father mike
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Reply #332 on: November 08, 2017, 11:02:34 AM

Watched 'Usual Suspects' with the daughter this weekend.  Figured she ought to see it before somebody spoiled it for her.

And between Kevin Spacey and Bryan Singer, it's reputation will probably lose a lot of it's shine ...

I would like to thank Vladimir Putin for ensuring that every member of the NPR news staff has had to say "Pussy Riot" on the air multiple times.
BobtheSomething
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Reply #333 on: November 08, 2017, 12:47:48 PM

Watched 'Usual Suspects' with the daughter this weekend.  Figured she ought to see it before somebody spoiled it for her.

And between Kevin Spacey and Bryan Singer, it's reputation will probably lose a lot of it's shine ...

Wow.  Now I can't stop wondering if they ever had some kind of dragon-and-cyclops predatory showdown on set.
schild
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Reply #334 on: November 09, 2017, 07:45:38 AM

Watched 'Usual Suspects' with the daughter this weekend.  Figured she ought to see it before somebody spoiled it for her.

And between Kevin Spacey and Bryan Singer, it's reputation will probably lose a lot of it's shine ...

bah

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schild
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Reply #335 on: November 09, 2017, 10:50:11 PM

Happy Death Day was really good. Worst name in the history of cinema. On a scale of 1 to To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar, it ranks a -4.

But for real, comedy has groundhogs day. SciFi has Edge of Tomorrow. Thrillers have Happy Death Day. It did the repetition genre proud.
Sky
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Reply #336 on: November 13, 2017, 01:17:12 PM

Hope the new Star Wars movie is good, because the director is greenlit for a new canon trilogy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSBEm1oNLT4

Ironwood
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Reply #337 on: November 20, 2017, 04:59:46 AM

Finally got to see Wonder Woman and I can't even be bothered bumping the thread, it was so meh.  I mean, I get it.  It's an ok movie (and totally brilliant if you only compare it to the rest of the DC drek) and it's good to see a woman and there's a lot of good feminism and some bum notes too, but.... but it's really just Captain America :  World War One edition and I'm all like ;  Is that it ?

Gal Gadot tho.  Jesus.


"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Abagadro
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Reply #338 on: November 22, 2017, 01:48:10 AM

I swear I've seen Spaceballs at least 20 times and I pick up a new throw away joke every time (unless I am toasted and saw it and forgot it which is possible).  This round:

Colonel Sanders changing Spaceballs I to MegaMaid: "Prepare for metamorphosis. Ready Kafka?"

EDIT: I also watched Bridge On the River Kwai for approximately the 40th time tonight. One of my favorites of all time.
« Last Edit: November 22, 2017, 02:11:26 AM by Abagadro »

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”

-H.L. Mencken
Phildo
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Reply #339 on: November 22, 2017, 09:03:18 AM

Sir T
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Reply #340 on: November 22, 2017, 09:07:45 AM

Did anyone ever see "Spaceballs III: the Search for Spaceballs II"? I've always wondered is it any good, but I never had the courage to watch it as I figured the funniest thing about it would be the title...

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Shannow
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Reply #341 on: December 01, 2017, 08:02:34 AM

What myself and my children did over dinner last night:

All the Pixar movies rated:

The Pantheon: Finding Nemo, Incredibles, Monsters Inc., Toy Story 1 and 3

Almost Pantheon: Inside Out, Toy Story 2, Ratatouille, Wall-E, Bugs Life

Better than great, not almost pantheon: Coco, Finding Dory

Good, but not great: Monsters University, Up

Better than Average: Cars

Average: The Good Dinosaur, Brave

Cars 2 bad: Cars 2

Not rated: Cars 3 (though according to my 8 year old, ‘It was emotional’)

Someone liked something? Who the fuzzy fuck was this heretic? You don't come to this website and enjoy something. Fuck that. ~ The Walrus
Ironwood
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Reply #342 on: December 01, 2017, 08:04:47 AM

UP can kiss my fucking ass.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Shannow
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Reply #343 on: December 01, 2017, 09:45:49 AM

Up is highly overrated by some people, including film critics , who'd put it and Wall-E in the pantheon. Wall-E is good. Up is mainly crap. I was outvoted on that one.

Someone liked something? Who the fuzzy fuck was this heretic? You don't come to this website and enjoy something. Fuck that. ~ The Walrus
Merusk
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Reply #344 on: December 01, 2017, 10:46:16 AM

UP gets high marks for that first 10 minutes and having some really memorable lines from the dog. Those really stick with people and the opening, in particular, speaks to old people who have felt that loss themselves and that gives the critical inflation.  The rest of the movie was entirely forgettable, which I realized when I saw it again recently.

I wouldn't put any of those "Almost Pantheon" movies (Note: I still haven't seen Inside Out so I can't talk about that one)  except Wall-E that that tier as I found them all inferior to Cars. Cars had a decent story and moral and flowed really well with some good, memorable (albeit racist) characters. It's Better than Great, IMO.

Bugs Life and Toy Story 2, in particular, were kind of meh.


The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
Samwise
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Reply #345 on: December 03, 2017, 12:27:44 PM

The intro to UP was a great short.  Should have stopped there.

"Nice attempted blast about my "drinking".  I do enjoy a nice cuppa, but that is because I am a bon vivant of gregarious nature and cheery disposition." - Ab
schild
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Reply #346 on: December 04, 2017, 02:25:17 PM

What myself and my children did over dinner last night:

All the Pixar movies rated:

The Pantheon: Finding Nemo, Incredibles, Monsters Inc., Toy Story 1 and 3

Almost Pantheon: Inside Out, Toy Story 2, Ratatouille, Wall-E, Bugs Life

Better than great, not almost pantheon: Coco, Finding Dory

Good, but not great: Monsters University, Up

Better than Average: Cars

Average: The Good Dinosaur, Brave

Cars 2 bad: Cars 2

Not rated: Cars 3 (though according to my 8 year old, ‘It was emotional’)

I think the only ones I've ever wanted to re-watch are Toy Story, Incredibles, and Ratatouille (which I actually think is their best movie).
Khaldun
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Reply #347 on: December 05, 2017, 01:52:40 PM

Monsters Inc seems to me to maybe be Almost Pantheon when I rewatch it. Finding Nemo also slips for me a teeny bit.

Monsters University is almost Cars 2 bad. The Good Dinosaur is Below Average but not Cars 2 bad.

Ratatouille is unambiguously Pantheon.

Wall-E is like Up only the genius part lasts a lot longer. Once we're on the Fat Ship it loses a lot of its charm and becomes obvious.

I think Inside Out is going to shade slowly up into Pantheon over time.
Father mike
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Reply #348 on: December 06, 2017, 05:12:40 PM

I think the thing about ALL the Pixar movies is that they're highly personal stories.  Each person's Pixar Pantheon depends on their own experience. 

My wife and daughter think Brave the best one -- bar none.  But that's because it tells THEIR story, a contentious but deeply loving mother-daughter relationship.  I don't relate (except maybe peripherally to the Billy Connolly embattled Dad character), so to me it's one of their more average efforts.


I would like to thank Vladimir Putin for ensuring that every member of the NPR news staff has had to say "Pussy Riot" on the air multiple times.
schild
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Reply #349 on: December 06, 2017, 11:39:09 PM

That's probably true

After all I do like food and wouldn't mind having super powers
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