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f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  General Discussion  |  Movies  |  Topic: Useless Movies 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
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Author Topic: Useless Movies  (Read 13289 times)
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3106

Reply #315 on: September 11, 2017, 06:30:04 PM

Slap tits on the mummy this time, that'll sell!

Paelos: Somebody find that post where I declared Seattle dead, because those fuckers are NFL cockroaches in the NFC.
Posts: 7811

Reply #316 on: September 11, 2017, 07:54:49 PM

To be fair, Sofia Boutella was not the problem with that movie.
Terracotta Army
Posts: 8591

Reply #317 on: September 11, 2017, 07:58:03 PM

No, but the concept thinking that casting the Mummy as a woman embodied the problem. If you write a story where arguably the woman turned into a supernaturally powerful mummy is semi-sympathetic conceptually, make the fucking movie around that. Shit, even the Brendan Fraser version got that. The old Universal films definitely got that--the monster had to be at least somewhat sympathetic. But you have to really get that idea at some deeper level than a script pitch to a bunch of coked-up fuckfaces sitting around in a Burbank office.
Posts: 55315

Reply #318 on: September 11, 2017, 08:03:08 PM

They made her the mummy and then had a white male yank her power away and become a scientologist god.

The movie was shit.

It wasn't even the fucking Mummy.
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4366

Solely responsible for the thread on "The Condom Wall."

Reply #319 on: September 16, 2017, 05:34:07 AM

As a less depressing version of "XY died" I propose "What, XY is still around?"

Part 1: Philip Andre Rourke jr aka Mickey Rourke turned 65 today.

Restoration is a perfectly valid school of magic!
Terracotta Army
Posts: 27189

Badge Whore

Reply #320 on: September 16, 2017, 06:43:27 PM

Michael Keaton is going to ruin his comeback if he keeps picking stinkers like American Assassin. None of the charm of Bond. None of the action of Bourne. None of the fun of Kingsman. 

The women in the movie existed solely as props, yes, even the CIA handler and field agent. They were token and the "I understand you" scene was cringey even though it had a reason.

The plot was as thin as a UK shopping bag and the 'twists' were more predictable than a conservative's response to gay neighbors.

In all, I'm glad I only used movie pass for it. I kept waiting for some real action or drama and it just never came. Keaton nailed his performance and character, but the kid was wooden and I never bought him as the badass or rule-breaker he was supposed to be other than because of the events on screen.


I can't get past the panties - Alluvian
I really like the cocks. - Lantyssa
People rarely believe just how good I am at sucking. - Lantyssa
I love the swinging dongs - Signe
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