Holy shit, tea.

[Kitsune]

The TL;DR:  Get a tea robot.

The boring long edition:

So I like tea.  Except I don't like 'microwave a mug of water and stick a teabag in it' tea, which always winds up crappy when I try to make it.  And I'm too goddamned lazy to stand over a teapot with a thermometer and timer to steep tea X at temperature Y for time Z.  This has resulted in my not drinking hot teas for years.  Since I'm one of those people who loves the smell of coffee beans but can't stand the horrible taste of the finished product, I've mostly wound up drinking water lately.  Thanks, diabeetus!  Well I shouldn't have been drinking that much soda anyhow, even if it wasn't trying to kill me.  There were some places in town that served a decent selection of teas with meals, but they're pretty few and far between.

But anyways, I'm visiting a friend up in the DC area, and he starts whipping out some fantastic tea from a pitcher.  I am incredulous at this, as he is a lazy bum much like me, and all of a sudden he's waving around cans of loose tea like some wizard brewing potions.  I'm getting really suspicious that he might be a doppelganger right up until I learn that he isn't actually doing anything, the tea pitcher has a magnetic basket thing inside that dunks the tea leaves in the water for a set amount of time while the base heats the water to a set temperature.  He was just dumping tea in the basket and hitting the button for the type of tea and it was making the tea for him.  It was a robot.  That made tea.  HOLY FUCK.

I've always considered it unfair that any coffee-drinking idiot could get a coffee machine for twenty bucks, but there's no tea machine that works worth a damn.  Only now there is.  And it's immensely expensive.  DC buddy apparently shelled out two hundred and fifty for it.  But he's a database engineer who makes insane cash, so it doesn't matter much.  And in fairness, one of my coffee-addict friends says that she put down over a grand for an espresso machine, and seemed to believe that it wasn't a wasted purchase even after confirming to me that the machine wasn't giving her blowjobs.  So to each their own, I guess.

I probably could've gone my whole life without a tea robot until I find out that bed bath and beyond carries them.  And I had like a solid pound of those 20% off coupons they keep stuffing into my mailbox.  All of a sudden it became a $200 tea robot.  That's when the sweating began.  I mention this to a friend in passing, and they say, "Oh hey, my brother works in one of those kitchen stores, he got one for like a hundred seventy last month."  Two days later I have a tea robot and hopefully he isn't being fired for abusing his employee discount.

Thus armed like a toddler with a pistol, I decide to embark upon my journey into the tea world I'd been missing for years.  I have a rough idea of the teas I like, but not the super-specific blend names, so I start poking around for tea stores.  Google pops up a Teavana in the yuppie mall, but it has bad reviews about salespeople trying hard to sell customers shit they don't want.  I idly put in a search about the company, and find a 500-post thread full of hair-curling stories about the employees being abused and customers being ripped-off.     Ooohkay, so hey look there's a locally-owned tea store in the other end of town.  That sounds like a much more sane place to shop at.

I walk into the store, and there's a big binder on the counter with 'Health Benefits' on it.  Now I realize that a store owner should take whatever good sales tactic that presents itself, but I've always been really leery of herbal health benefits, given that for every study that says that an herb makes you immortal, there's another study that says it gives you cancer.  I've never once thought that I was doing my health any favors by drinking tea, I'm just in it for the flavor.  And in that regard, I'm pretty lost.  The lady there didn't try to hard sell me anything, but that's mostly because she didn't say anything.  She seemed nice enough, I'm sure if I'd started asking for advice she would have given it, but I didn't have a lot of time to stand around interrogating the tea lady, so I went with the safest bet and picked a black masala vanilla chai mix.  I'd never had theirs, but I hadn't ever encountered a chai tea I didn't like, so I felt pretty... five bucks an ounce?  I was tempted, briefly, to ask whether 'tea' was actually a euphemism for some other leafy product of less legal standing, as I was worried that using the tea robot to steep marijuana would void the warranty.  The couple of ounces I bought amounted to a larger bag of tea than I'd been expecting, though, so it wasn't so bad as I'd first feared.  They said that an ounce of tea made about fifteen cups; I haven't made enough yet to know how accurate that statement is.

I take the tea home, toss it in the machine, fire it up, and get my very own $190 cup of tea a few minutes later.  Even though it's traditional, I don't add the milk and sugar at first to the chai, drinking it straight.  After all, if you dump enough milk and sugar (or milk and stevia in my case, thanks again Wilford Brimley!) in a drink it doesn't matter how crappy the tea was, it'll come out pretty good.  I go through a couple of cups to satisfy myself that I'm not feeling stupid for putting down that much cash for a tea robot, then fire up the milk and stevia for the more desserty variety of chai.  In order to make the most of the not-cheap tea, I make three pots worth from one batch of leaves, with the second and third pots set to a longer steeping time to keep the flavor constant.  On the upside, lots of tea.  On the downside that makes me unwilling to start a fresh batch of tea later in the evening, as the leaves are 'wasted' if I don't get more pots out of them.  I've just started making the first batch when I get home from work; it's easy to find opportunities to make the other two batches as the evening progresses, especially if guests come by, the tea-guzzling bastards.  I'm already mildly concerned that some of my friends may have me killed to get the tea robot.  But at least now I'm under $10 per cup of tea, with the price dropping more with each batch.

The problem I'm running across now is the lack of a cheap test run for tea.  It takes a few grams of tea to make a pot.  But people selling tea don't seem to want to sell anything less than two ounces, so if the tea turns out to be crap you have a fair pile of unused tea that you don't like.  I've wound up swapping samples of tea with various tea drinking friends to try to get around the problem, and a couple of online tea stores sell sampler packs with smaller quantities of multiple teas, but it's a mildly annoying degree of effort when what I'd like to do is walk into the tea store and just buy a sack containing a scoop of each of their teas so I can run them all through the tea robot over a weekend and quickly work out which ones I like the best.  Additionally, I'm nerding out to a degree that one of my roommates came into the kitchen to find me measuring the grams of loose tea to put into the robot.  I endeavored to explain to him that the little scoop with the tea robot was an inaccurate system and that different teas were packed to different densities so measuring by volume was flawed compared to measuring by weight.  This just made me look more insane, I'm pretty certain.

So the end result is that I have hot tea again after forever, and it's very good hot tea thus far.  Haven't run across any samples that I've disliked yet, so that's a promising sign at least.  People with money to burn who like teas might be interested to know that there are actual decent tea makers on the market now, so I decided to share with the class.

[Trippy]

It would've helped if you linked to this fucking tea robot

I'm assuming this is what you are referring to.

[Chimpy]

I bought an electric kettle with a thermometer built in for like 30 bucks. Even has little "zones" for each tea type.

Works great for making my decaf green tea in the mornings (which I need to go do now!)

[Miasma]

Most tea stores around here also brew individual cups and you can see whether or not you like a particular tea that way.

[RhyssaFireheart]

So I like tea.  Except I don't like 'microwave a mug of water and stick a teabag in it' tea, which always winds up crappy when I try to make it.  And I'm too goddamned lazy to stand over a teapot with a thermometer and timer to steep tea X at temperature Y for time Z.  This has resulted in my not drinking hot teas for years.  Since I'm one of those people who loves the smell of coffee beans but can't stand the horrible taste of the finished product, I've mostly wound up drinking water lately.  Thanks, diabeetus!  Well I shouldn't have been drinking that much soda anyhow, even if it wasn't trying to kill me.  There were some places in town that served a decent selection of teas with meals, but they're pretty few and far between.

Are you me?

I love hot tea as well and right now just rely on the Keurig we got a few months ago.  I also tend to use the cups twice when I'm on a tea kick, just because they are expensive.  Not sure I'd ever go for a tea robot though. I would like to get more into trying different blends of loose tea and will eventually buy a "make your own" cup for the Keurig (WTF $24 for that Kohls?!?) so I can experiment.  There is a local tea shop in a nearby town that I'd go to (mostly because the owner is a customer at the husband's bank) but he's stopped in to get me gifts there and says it looks like a place I'd love.

[Draegan]

I've had something like this for a few years.  These have been around forever.  My wife and I drink tea all the time.  Except that this just heats up the water for you and doesn't make a whole pot of tea.  It's better imo so you can make 1 cups worth or 4.  Fill with water, press a button.  Done.

[Kitsune]

Yeah, that's the one, Trippy.  I found another one that retails for 125, but it doesn't raise and lower the basket on its own; it just has a timer that beeps to let you know to pull the basket up yourself.  Which rather defeats the whole "push buttan and walk away, come back later for tea" thing, but saves a noticeable bit of money if you don't mind having to stand over it while it works.
Link.

[Draegan]

Seems pricey.  The electric tea kettles cost $30.

[Salamok]

Does a french press work well for tea?  I have one but I have never tried it out on tea.

[Kitsune]

Seems pricey.  The electric tea kettles cost $30.

Yeah, that's why I didn't get the cheaper one; it's essentially an electric kettle with a timer on it, you still have to dip the tea yourself.  The more expensive one is also an electric kettle, but one that maintains a temperature that you specify while dunking the tea itself, so it can run unattended.

[CmdrSlack]

I have an electric kettle. I have an infuser teapot. I add water to kettle, press butan. Sooner or later, water is ready. I hear butan go "snap." I pour water into teapot with loaded infuser basket. I set a timer. To do so, I push three butans. Timer beeps, I pour and enjoy tea.

I'm not seeing how this is such a complex and time-consuming process.

[Paelos]

$5 an ounce?

I'm glad I just like Luzianne.

[Kitsune]

I have an electric kettle. I have an infuser teapot. I add water to kettle, press butan. Sooner or later, water is ready. I hear butan go "snap." I pour water into teapot with loaded infuser basket. I set a timer. To do so, I push three butans. Timer beeps, I pour and enjoy tea.

I'm not seeing how this is such a complex and time-consuming process.

F13 needs an :effort: tag for me to use to convey precisely how lazy I am.  And all of the kettles I've seen before the new ones mentioned in the thread had one setting: hot.  Both the tea robot and the cheaper kettle have thermometers to maintain the temperature at the level that tea snobs claim are the best for whichever tea you're making.  I've seen some teas steep at 175, others as high as 212.  I can't say whether the precise temperature makes a huge difference; some of the people who insist it does also say they "age" their tea water in a special cistern or filter it through silver before making tea with it, so their opinions may be a bit suspect. 

[RhyssaFireheart]

I steep tea at "hot" and don't give a damn about the temp, but I've not fallen into snob territory.

[Sheepherder]

I can't say whether the precise temperature makes a huge difference; some of the people who insist it does also say they "age" their tea water in a special cistern or filter it through silver before making tea with it, so their opinions may be a bit suspect. 

Some of the organic compounds responsible for the flavour of tea will boil off at low temperatures, or won't steep out of the plant until it reaches a high temperature, or may change in chemistry if exposed to proper heat.  That (somewhat) checks out.

Without knowing the details the cistern might have some effect.  Maybe there's some particularly delicious mineral in the cistern wall?

Filtering it through silver is new age mysticism bullshit.  People have used silver in tableware for a long-ass time, but it's because it doesn't taste like iron or copper, not because it imparts any special properties, and presumably it doesn't come in contact with the water for long enough to impart any chemical change on the water.

[Samwise]

The length of time it takes to steep tea "correctly" is just long enough to make me bored while I'm waiting for it to happen but just short enough that I can't go do something else.  Perfect sort of thing to automate.

Usually I solve this problem by just drinking milder teas that don't suffer too much when you wander off and let them steep for half an hour.     A tea robot might expand my horizons a bit.

[Kitsune]

I steep tea at "hot" and don't give a damn about the temp, but I've not fallen into snob territory.

If it involved actual effort on my part, I'd ignore the temp too.  The level of tea snobbery that involves some poor idiot hovering over a $500 Japanese iron tea pot with a thermometer in his hand is well above and beyond what I'm going to go through for a cup of tea, or any drink for that matter.  People in that tea forum linked to in my first post were unironically discussing methods of putting pots inside other pots of heated water to achieve and maintain the proper temperature.  That... is maybe a bit insane.  Sure, I have a water filter on my kitchen tap and make the tea with the filtered water, but that's the extent of my effort, and only then because my unfiltered tap water's a little gross-tasting.  When you see someone buying cases of spring water for making their tea, you're looking at someone who's gone past the point at which they should have stopped and reexamined their priorities in life.

[CmdrSlack]

I have an electric kettle. I have an infuser teapot. I add water to kettle, press butan. Sooner or later, water is ready. I hear butan go "snap." I pour water into teapot with loaded infuser basket. I set a timer. To do so, I push three butans. Timer beeps, I pour and enjoy tea.

I'm not seeing how this is such a complex and time-consuming process.

F13 needs an :effort: tag for me to use to convey precisely how lazy I am.  And all of the kettles I've seen before the new ones mentioned in the thread had one setting: hot.  Both the tea robot and the cheaper kettle have thermometers to maintain the temperature at the level that tea snobs claim are the best for whichever tea you're making.  I've seen some teas steep at 175, others as high as 212.  I can't say whether the precise temperature makes a huge difference; some of the people who insist it does also say they "age" their tea water in a special cistern or filter it through silver before making tea with it, so their opinions may be a bit suspect. 

Oh yeah, water temp. I tend to drink Puerh teas, which are steeped at 212. When I make a green tea or white or whatever else that takes 185ish, I tend to either a) kill the tea kettle before a full boil or b) toss an ice cube into the water. The second method is endorsed by a rep from Rishi teas, which is the snooty yet awesome tea brand in my area.

In other news, I can now show this post to my wife, who will once and for all not be able to call me lazy. 

[01101010]

Yeah, hated chem class in college, still hate it now. No thanks. Boil water, insert tea bag, let stand till I remember it, add sugar, drink.

[Numtini]

Anyone with experience with online tea shops?

[Kitsune]

Some friends spoke well of Adagio and bought me a couple of their tea samplers.  I haven't had the chance to try the tea for myself yet so can't give my own opinion.

On a side note, while browsing in my local tea store a few days ago I ran across a tea named Iron Goddess of Mercy.  That's apparently an actual official tea name and not something they just made up after binging on old kung fu movies.  I was compelled to purchase it, because frankly who would dare to pass it by?  I drank it, expecting to have red light go shooting out of my eyes or something as a result, but it was actually a very mild tea (which isn't a big surprise for an oolong) and thus far I haven't noticed any new super powers.  But I'll keep people posted in case evil monks come crashing through my windows and I have to fight them all.

[Draegan]

Some people put too much effort into making tea.  You're like the people I hear in Starbucks saying "Venti Triple Espresso 110 degrees, 3.5 sugars, 1 blahblahlah"

Fuck that.

[Trippy]

Heathen.

[MisterNoisy]

I'm a bit more manual.

For tea, I use a french Press and a 2 cup Pyrex measuring cup in the microwave to heat the water.  With a $20 infrared thermometer from Newegg and a bit of trial and error, I've discovered that 2c of water hits the correct temperature for green teas in 2:45 in my microwave, while making coffee with the AeroPress or the french press requires 3:10.  Added bonus is that the IR thermometer is handy for all sorts of things.

[proudft]

Countertop hot water dispenser 4 life.  

http://www.amazon.com/Tiger-PDH-B30U-Dispenser-Kettle-Capacity/dp/B0001WDFKO

This is our second model after the low-quality brand first one got kinda rusty inside (a $30 one from a chinese grocery store.... it lasted a year though, that was $30 worth).  It took a week or so for the weird plastic/oil/mystery smell from the factory for this one to go away but it's been fine once it got going.  Always having near-boiling water available is something you rapidly get used to for all sorts of random stuff like ramen.

Loose tea is either put a tea ball thing directly in the mug pulled out after the steeping, or if I'm making ice tea, in a pyrex cup which is then strained into my plastic cup o' ice.

We technically get tea from a local store, but as he has some pretty rigid hours, we often just mail-order it from the guy and throw the USPS some work (also his packing is hilariously overdone with bags and boxes and peanuts): http://www.teafountain.com/

I do not like flavored teas at all, so I don't know how "tasty" those are (I also don't put milk or sugar in my tea, blecch).  My favorite from teafountain is the Russian Superior #2 Blend which is a high-caffeine mix of different leaves. I'm not really a green tea fan so I've not had many of those, but I've tried the majority of his black teas and settled in with the Russian one after a few years.  

I do also really like one of his Darjeeling black teas (2004 Organic Prime India Black Tea DARJEELING 2011 FTGFOP1 Makaibari Estate) for an afternoon snack with toast or something.  I pretend I'm not a tea snob, but I think at this point I probably am.

[Kitsune]

I'm a bit more manual.

For tea, I use a french Press and a 2 cup Pyrex measuring cup in the microwave to heat the water.  With a $20 infrared thermometer from Newegg and a bit of trial and error, I've discovered that 2c of water hits the correct temperature for green teas in 2:45 in my microwave, while making coffee with the AeroPress or the french press requires 3:10.  Added bonus is that the IR thermometer is handy for all sorts of things.

Ha, geek.  That's an awesomely nerdy way to make drinks.  You just need to find some way to involve some beakers and glass tubes.

[proudft]

Yeah, I also got one of those infrared thermometers a while back (from Fry's I think) and they are, like, WAY more useful than you would think for all sorts of random stuff.  Microwave some leftovers or a box of restaurant rice or some random gooey thing and not sure if it's hot enough to eat?  Bam, thermometer says its 140, it's hot enough.  It's 180?  That'll burn your mouth, man, wait a few minutes.

How hot is it in here?  Shoot the wall with the thing.

I got my brother one for Christmas and he uses it to check to see if the bathwater for his kid is the right temperature.

It also doubles as a cat toy.

[taolurker]

Ha, geek.  That's an awesomely nerdy way to make drinks.  You just need to find some way to involve some beakers and glass tubes.

Actually, I would say it's less geeky than say spending $190 on a specialized machine to do it for him.

Once you measure with the thermometer once, and know the correct time setting for the microwave, you really don't need to ever do it again. I actually did this too with my microwave to figure when water was nearly boiling (although it wasn't for tea). It's like microwaving one bag of popcorn and noting how much time it took, so you can then set and forget for every next bag.

[Sheepherder]

Until your microwave starts to lose it's sorcerous powers.

[palmer_eldritch]

I wondered why you were talking about heating water in a microwave but from reading this thread I get the impression it's kind of unusual to own a kettle in the US? Weird.

Anyway you've convinced me I need a tea maker so I'm going to get myself one of these: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B004MKML8S

[Chimpy]

I wondered why you were talking about heating water in a microwave but from reading this thread I get the impression it's kind of unusual to own a kettle in the US? Weird.

Most Americans don't drink hot tea. The only tea they have ever had is iced.

The hot drink of choice for the U.S. is usually coffee. Pretty much everyone has a coffee pot of some sort.

[palmer_eldritch]

Every home in Britain has a kettle. Not having one would be like not having a knife and fork in the house. This does mean that people tend to drink freeze dried instant coffee (just add hot water from the kettle) rather than decent coffee.

[CaptainNapkin]

Anyone with experience with online tea shops?

My wife's the tea drinker and orders from Adagio and enjoys their stuff, good service and prices according to her. She's got contraptions all over the house for tea but we don't yet have that Breville machine (or similar) Trippy linked up in the thread. I know how much I like my 1 button push expresso machine so I assume this is the same for a tea type, need to investigate further. You folks are good at spending my money without even knowing it.

[MahrinSkel]

My mother owned a kettle, but it was never used for tea.  I've never owned one, but I don't drink coffee, either (Diet Mountain Dew when I need a caffeine surge).  I don't think I've seen one outside of a housewares store since I was a child.

--Dave

[penfold]

English tea.

- One of those strange "kettle" things. I noticed on a search walmart did a whistling stovetop for $17 so can't be too uncommon, but I've seen the most Americans don't have a kettle thing before. I couldn't live without one, not just for tea either, how do you guys make instant sauces, soups and instant noodle/ramen?

- Water.
- 1 teabag of yorkshire tea.
- Sugar and milk

Teabag, 2 heaped spoons of sugar (adjust to taste) into a half pint mug. Pour boiling water (actively bubbling) into mug, hence a kettle and why a microwave/coffee machines are crap at making tea. Do something else for at least a minute, i'll happily leave it there 5 mins or more. Remove teabag and add milk, stir. Don't add milk before the water it's the brew is all about the water being as hot as possible. That's why the British of a certain generation have teapots which they warm first, and a bizarre selection of knitted teapot insulation accessories.

Teh Tarik (Malaysian tea)
Tea (as above), no sugar. Add condensed milk. Stir. Pour between two containers for a while, so it becomes aerated and cools down a bit. The higher the pour the better it is*. The old tea masters can throw it between two glasses like one of the squirty worm fountains you get at theme parks.

* Careful, you don't want to end up like Emil in Robocop.