The Hobbit (2012/2013)

[Ironwood]

Heh.

No.

Sam wears hats.

[Simond]

Easy fix. Take a couple of the extraneous dwarves nobody really cares about, like Bofur or Oin, and give them vaginas. Insert hilariously implied dwarven three-way-in-a-barrel after the escape from the elves.

How do you know that half of the dwarves weren't females? 

[Johny Cee]

Easy fix. Take a couple of the extraneous dwarves nobody really cares about, like Bofur or Oin, and give them vaginas. Insert hilariously implied dwarven three-way-in-a-barrel after the escape from the elves.

How do you know that half of the dwarves weren't females? 

Because the ratio of female to male dwarves is 1:3.   

[shiznitz]

Bah. According to Netflix, The Hobbit is not on DVD.  Maybe I can find this on ebay.

edit: yup. $4.99 +$3 SH on VHS.  I actually still have a working VHS.

[Fraeg]

  

With the notable exception of things that were family outings, the last film I have seen in a theater was Return of the King, and it looks like the Hobbit part 1 will be the next.

Given everyone involved, I don't see how this can be anything but wonderful.

[VainEldritch]

So it seems the second part of the movie will bridge direclty into the start of Jackson's Fellowship making this - what? - a Middle-Earth Penalogy?

What I'm really excited about - and rather nervous, tbh - is the apparent intent to treat the White Council material that is in the "sub books". I've always wondered just what the Gandalf, Galadriel, Saruman and the rest did to drive the Necromancer out of Dol Guldur when they "put forth their power".

And remember, the Necromancer is actually Sauron which is great and interesting but this may place Mr. Jackson in a pickle.

You see, in his movies he made the mistake of taking Tolkien literally and making Sauron a giant eyeball while choosing to ignore, for whatever reason, Tolkien's own letters in which the Professor states that Sauron at the end of the Third Age did indeed have a physical form that should be thought of as "exceedingly terrible". Jackson also ignored the fact that Gollum, who was brought before Sauron for questioning in the time between The Hobbit and The Fellowship, says that he (Sauron) has "only nine fingers". So I sincerely hope Jackson does not stick another eyeball in Dol Guldur as yet another of his poor interpretations, though how he would connect the incarnate Maia that Tolkien intended with "Eyeball Sauron" I cannot say.

Oh, and looks like that girl from "The Lovely Bones" will be playing an Elf so you’re looking at a crowbar-in love story right there which, as far as I can remember has no basis whatsoever in the books - even the latterly published gleanings from the great man's wastepaper basket...

[Soln]

I'm still optimistic.  Also, regarding a human form, he was there in full armor at the start of the trilogy, losing a finger.  Not impossible to put back in semi scarry armor or robes.

[Ratman_tf]

So it seems the second part of the movie will bridge direclty into the start of Jackson's Fellowship making this - what? - a Middle-Earth Penalogy?

What I'm really excited about - and rather nervous, tbh - is the apparent intent to treat the White Council material that is in the "sub books". I've always wondered just what the Gandalf, Galadriel, Saruman and the rest did to drive the Necromancer out of Dol Guldur when they "put forth their power".

And remember, the Necromancer is actually Sauron which is great and interesting but this may place Mr. Jackson in a pickle.

You see, in his movies he made the mistake of taking Tolkien literally and making Sauron a giant eyeball while choosing to ignore, for whatever reason, Tolkien's own letters in which the Professor states that Sauron at the end of the Third Age did indeed have a physical form that should be thought of as "exceedingly terrible". Jackson also ignored the fact that Gollum, who was brought before Sauron for questioning in the time between The Hobbit and The Fellowship, says that he (Sauron) has "only nine fingers". So I sincerely hope Jackson does not stick another eyeball in Dol Guldur as yet another of his poor interpretations, though how he would connect the incarnate Maia that Tolkien intended with "Eyeball Sauron" I cannot say.

Oh, and looks like that girl from "The Lovely Bones" will be playing an Elf so you’re looking at a crowbar-in love story right there which, as far as I can remember has no basis whatsoever in the books - even the latterly published gleanings from the great man's wastepaper basket...

Wasn't Sauron supposed to come face Aragorn in the movie version of ROTK? I seem to remember Jackson (or some source) saying that The Eye was a manifestation of Sauron's power, not Sauron himself. (Not that I"m defending Jackson. I think the movies were a mixed bag.)

[Tarami]

Yes, he was. He was digitally replaced with a troll at the last minute. It's mentioned in the extras from the extended DVD set.

As far as I know, there's nothing in the films that says Sauron is an eye and an eye only. The eye is just ONE manifestation of Sauron. In fact, I think Gandalf mentions that Sauron is yet not strong enough to take physical form so the eye form is suggested to be more of a phase.

Besides, you have to admit it makes for a much more iconic bad guy than a tall dude in a black suit of armour does.

[Ingmar]

Sauron's physical form appears in the original movie trilogy anyway, we watch Isildur chop his finger off during the HERE IS YOUR EXPOSITIONAL INFO DUMP at the start of the first movie. So yeah the 'he is just an eye' thing is categorically false even in the movies.

[Tannhauser]

Not that they'll do it, but they could have the WC destroy Sauron's physical form and he flees to Mordor as a big flamin' eye

  Sauron assumed a fair form during his captivity in Numenor.  When that kingdom was destroyed, his body was caught in the catastrophe and he thereafter was unable to assume a fair form.  His body was described as black and burning hot.

He kept this form when he lost The Ring, but in the Third Age he most frequently appeared as a single fearsome eye.
I assume Sauron preferred to reveal himself as this to scare the crap out of folks even more.

Cool sidenote:  According to my source (Complete Guide to Middle Earth) Sauron wasn't destroyed when the Ring was destroyed but afterwards he was so weakened that he could never again assume physical form. 

And for thirty years now I thought Sauron was just a evil spirit, which is dumb, because he needs a physical body to put the Ring on eh?

[Ingmar]

To get technical, he probably is best described as an evil spirit. The Maiar are basically immortal spirits that can take various physical forms.

[Tannhauser]

Spot on.  Sauron has also assumed the forms of a werewolf and a (non-sparkly) vampire. 

I'll probably catch hell for this, but I'm pretty much OK with whatever Jackson does with Dol Guldur and all that.  I just want to see two good Middle Earth films.  I know Jackson took liberties with the trilogy but fuck it, Michael Bay could be directing.

[Sheepherder]

I know Jackson took liberties with the trilogy but fuck it, Michael Bay could be directing.

He removed the one scene in The Fellowship of the Ring where the Witch King necrobitchslaps a hobbit a 50 yards.  He removed Strider being a total dickhead to Sam in the inn.  He removed Gandalf and Elrond totally high-fiving each other over how much awesome shit they threw into the flood and the Ringwraiths getting their shit mauled with fire and thrown into the flood.  He removed the barrow wight and the blades of MONUMENTAL PLOT SIGNIFICANCE.

[Comstar]

Not that they'll do it, but they could have the WC destroy Sauron's physical form and he flees to Mordor as a big flamin' eye

For some reason I can only envision this like Pacman getting a power pill boost, killing a ghost, and it going wuuwuwuwuwu back to Mordor.

[Ironwood]

I know Jackson took liberties with the trilogy but fuck it, Michael Bay could be directing.

He removed the one scene in The Fellowship of the Ring where the Witch King necrobitchslaps a hobbit a 50 yards.  He removed Strider being a total dickhead to Sam in the inn.  He removed Gandalf and Elrond totally high-fiving each other over how much awesome shit they threw into the flood and the Ringwraiths getting their shit mauled with fire and thrown into the flood.  He removed the barrow wight and the blades of MONUMENTAL PLOT SIGNIFICANCE.

Really ?

Really Sheepherder ?  You're gonna go there ?  Not even I went there.

Jackson did fine.

[Sheepherder]

Fine being the operative word.

But he trimmed more than Tolkien neckbeard.

[VainEldritch]

Fine being the operative word.

But he trimmed more than Tolkien neckbeard.

Not only that, his treatment of Gandalf during the siege of Minas Tirith - particularly the dire encounter with the Witchking - was nothing short of abuse.

[Azuredream]

 

I'm so glad I read the books AFTER I saw the movies.

[Ratman_tf]

I'm so glad I read the books AFTER I saw the movies.

 

[Simond]

Not that they'll do it, but they could have the WC destroy Sauron's physical form and he flees to Mordor as a big flamin' eye

  Sauron assumed a fair form during his captivity in Numenor.  When that kingdom was destroyed, his body was caught in the catastrophe and he thereafter was unable to assume a fair form.  His body was described as black and burning hot.

 

[Ironwood]

Fine being the operative word.

But he trimmed more than Tolkien neckbeard.

Not only that, his treatment of Gandalf during the siege of Minas Tirith - particularly the dire encounter with the Witchking - was nothing short of abuse.

You win for missing my point harder than Sheepherder.

If I wanted, I could get laid into some of the changes and omissions too.

But you know what ?  It's really, really not worth it.

Enjoy your half a loaf.  You never know when you're gonna get another one.

[Johny Cee]

So, Stephen Fry is going to play the Master of Lake-Town.

 

[Sheepherder]

Enjoy your half a loaf.  You never know when you're gonna get another one.

Here's the problem: the movies had less explosions and dismemberment than the books written by an old neckbeard in the depths of time (at the very least the first one was lacking in this manner).  By this metric alone I can prove Jackson's failure as a director.  The random fucking with plot threads that made a bunch of shit incoherent is just sauce.

[shiznitz]

The question has to be asked: did you buy the DVDs?

[Ingmar]

Enjoy your half a loaf.  You never know when you're gonna get another one.

Here's the problem: the movies had less explosions and dismemberment than the books written by an old neckbeard in the depths of time (at the very least the first one was lacking in this manner).  By this metric alone I can prove Jackson's failure as a director.  The random fucking with plot threads that made a bunch of shit incoherent is just sauce.

I was holding out on deciding for sure until now, but I guess you really just are fucking nuts.

[Sheepherder]

The question has to be asked: did you buy the DVDs?

No.

I was holding out on deciding for sure until now, but I guess you really just are fucking nuts.

I can't help it that pretty much the only scene in the first movie that didn't bore the fuck out of me was Gandalf delivering a smackdown on the Balrog.  Seriously, the pacing is just fucking atrocious.  You get to be neckbeardy and stick to the source material, or you get to make massive changes to the source material and make up for it with Baysplosions, you don't get to be explosion-less and neckbeardy.

Everything between Weathertop and them sitting in front of the door to Moria was just fucking tedious.  You know what it really could have used?  Gandalf exploding some wolves.

[01101010]

The question has to be asked: did you buy the DVDs?

No.

I was holding out on deciding for sure until now, but I guess you really just are fucking nuts.

I can't help it that pretty much the only scene in the first movie that didn't bore the fuck out of me was Gandalf delivering a smackdown on the Balrog.  Seriously, the pacing is just fucking atrocious.  You get to be neckbeardy and stick to the source material, or you get to make massive changes to the source material and make up for it with Baysplosions, you don't get to be explosion-less and neckbeardy.

Everything between Weathertop and them sitting in front of the door to Moria was just fucking tedious.  You know what it really could have used?  Gandalf exploding some wolves.

"oh yes, by the way my friends, I got a side quest from one of those elves in Riven... I have to collect 15 wolf asses" 

[Ratman_tf]

No, I'm with the Sheepherded on this one, LOTR was a series of movies that didn't know if they wanted to be a summer action flick, or a adaptation of the books, and that waffling in the middle produced some pretty incoherent garbage. In between neat SFX like the Balrog, and cool moments from the books, there's terrible acting, directing, meandering moments, and comically bad use of CGI.

[Sheepherder]

"What did i tell you, Mr Pippin?"  said Sam, sheathing his sword.  "Wolves won't get him.  That was an eye-opener, and no mistake!  Nearly singed the hair off my head!"

[Rasix]

So, which one of you has the longer ponytail?

[Tannhauser]

No, I'm with the Sheepherded on this one, LOTR was a series of movies that didn't know if they wanted to be a summer action flick, or a adaptation of the books, and that waffling in the middle produced some pretty incoherent garbage. In between neat SFX like the Balrog, and cool moments from the books, there's terrible acting, directing, meandering moments, and comically bad use of CGI.

Hey hipster, can I get you another Pabst?

[Ratman_tf]

So, which one of you has the longer ponytail?

Me! Me me!

There ain't no shame in liking a bad movie. I liked the Star Wars prequels, but I know they're bad. Same for LOTR.

[Slyfeind]

"What did i tell you, Mr Pippin?"  said Sam, sheathing his sword.  "Wolves won't get him.  That was an eye-opener, and no mistake!  Nearly singed the hair off my head!"

Yeah, I kinda agree here. Book-Gandalf had fireballs and crap like that, which surprised me when I read it.

[Tannhauser]

So, which one of you has the longer ponytail?

Me! Me me!

There ain't no shame in liking a bad movie. I liked the Star Wars prequels, but I know they're bad. Same for LOTR.

You're certainly entitled to your opinion, but millions of moviegoers and the Academy Awards disagrees with your assessment it's a bad movie.