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Topic: Twilight: New Moon (Read 54684 times)
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Merusk
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Posts: 27449
Badge Whore
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He's learning English from Ms. Meyer.
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The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
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Aez
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Posts: 1369
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Yeah, I'm sometime able to post something decent but it takes allot of time and 5+ review. I guess I can't get with any easy posting. Will edit it.
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Morat20
Terracotta Army
Posts: 18529
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Where it gets fun is that it was written by a Mormon teenager
Source? I only ask because my wife doesn't believe you. And that debate with this thread is all I ever need to know about this IP  I have no idea where I got that apparently very wrong tidbit. I guess someone said "Like it was written by a teenager" and I couldn't be bothered to pay attention. Either that, or my head just confused her with the Eragon guy. I'm pretty sure he wasn't out of high school when he wrote that. Or maybe I'm thinking of someone else..... As for the pregnancy bit: Yeah, I heard aboiut that. Kinda fucked up sounding. |
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Aez
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Posts: 1369
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Stephenie Meyer graduated from Brigham Young University with a bachelor's degree in English. She lives with her husband and three young sons in Phoenix, Arizona. After the publication of her first novel, Twilight, booksellers chose Stephenie Meyer as one of the "most promising new authors of 2005" (Publishers Weekly). But she is actually Mormon. |
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naum
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Posts: 4263
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Stephenie Meyer graduated from Brigham Young University with a bachelor's degree in English. She lives with her husband and three young sons in Phoenix, Arizona. After the publication of her first novel, Twilight, booksellers chose Stephenie Meyer as one of the "most promising new authors of 2005" (Publishers Weekly). But she is actually Mormon. Lots of Mormons in Arizona, Northern Arizona + Mesa may be comprised of majority Mormon populations… |
"Should the batman kill Joker because it would save more lives?" is a fundamentally different question from "should the batman have a bunch of machineguns that go BATBATBATBATBAT because its totally cool?". ~Goumindong
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Trippy
Administrator
Posts: 23657
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Sjofn
Terracotta Army
Posts: 8286
Truckasaurus Hands
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The more I hear how wretched the Twilight thing is, the more I am tempted to read and/or see it because I love terrible shit like that in a "holy shit, this is terrible! Awesome!" way. But I'm pretty sure it would just fill me with rage instead, and then I would be disappointed.
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God Save the Horn Players
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Nerf
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Posts: 2421
The Presence of Your Vehicle Has Been Documented
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I'll sum it for you and save you the time:
Awkward 100 year old teenage vampire with IBS: You smell pretty, I will love you forever.
Awkward teenage girl: Ooo! Sparkly! I love you!
That pretty much sums up the first 2 movies/books, from what I've been told the third book is basically:
Awkward teenage girl: Make me a vampire so we can actually kiss and you don't have to stop yourself from eating me (in the bad way)
Vampire with IBS: Marry me first, I will love you until the end of time.
Awkward teenage girl: I will also love you forever, but no.
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Morat20
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Posts: 18529
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Then they get married. And she becomes a vampire. And somehow she gets pregnant, and it eats it's way out of her or something. (I'm a little iffy on those details). And then it grows up really fast so it doesn't have poopy diapers and goes into cute, potty-trained age real quick? Also iffy on those details. And then the "oh noes, werewolf love interest" that's the big part of THIS movie turns out to be in love with her baby, and was smelling her unconcieved child and thus acting all in love with her --- it's just understandable confusion, and apparently the werewolf will just hang around in a creepy, pedophile way.
Yeah, I'm not making that up. The werewolf-vampire-normal girl triangle is entirely a mistake on the werewolf's part, as his destined mate isn't her but the offspring of her and Sparkly Vampire Dude. And then when the kid is born, apparently Werewolf guy just....hangs around in a creepy, overbearing, always there, massive pedophile way....until she's old enough to bone.
Fucked up.
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Samwise
Moderator
Posts: 19324
sentient yeast infection
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WindupAtheist
Army of One
Posts: 7028
Badicalthon
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I'll just link this. She apparently posted her reactions to each chapter upon reading it for the first time, rather than reading it all and then writing it up. OH FUCK DID JACOB JUST IMPRINT ON THE NEWBORN DEATH BABY? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I JUST WHAT THE FUCK HOLY GODDAMN HELL. |
"You're just a dick who quotes himself in his sig." -- Schild
"Yeah, it's pretty awesome." -- Me
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Sjofn
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Posts: 8286
Truckasaurus Hands
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Ha, awesome, now I don't even have to think about reading them. <3 The baby thing is um.  |
God Save the Horn Players
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Morat20
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Posts: 18529
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Ha, awesome, now I don't even have to think about reading them. <3 The baby thing is um. In between telling me how creepy it was, my wife informed me of the lengths the author went to to explain how it wasn't creepy. Because it's apparently Twue Wuve, which means that Werewolf boy will be exactly what she needs when she needs it, and won't even think about anything else. So he'll be a big brother or cool, not interested in fucking you at all Uncle, until she's an adult and mentally and emotionally ready for a relationship, in which case he'll suddenly transform from "Hey, I'm like your Uncle and totally not interested in you in other than a protective, family way" into full blow "TWUE WUVE AND SPARKLY HAND HOLDING UNTIL MARRIAGE". Which at least indicates that the author was pretty aware that creepy "future mates" hanging around young children doesn't really work out. |
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Sjofn
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And yet, somehow, that is EVEN CREEPIER. |
God Save the Horn Players
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Selby
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Posts: 2963
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And yet, somehow, that is EVEN CREEPIER. Yeah, the more I read about this from various sources the creepier and creepier it gets. It goes from "lame romance novel fluff that people read" to "are you serious?" into "you can't make this shit up" territory. |
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RhyssaFireheart
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Posts: 3525
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OMFG! These chapter recaps from that link are freaking hilarious! I've got tears here from laughing.
Now I want to read the books just to see how fabulously bad they are. Train wrecks are fascinating to watch, after all.
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lamaros
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Posts: 8021
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I am slowly being drawn in. I will have to read this shit if this keeps up.
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pxib
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Posts: 4701
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I hesitate to take Twilight anymore seriously than I take Harry Potter. Fads that get this popular may tap into a deep and mysteirous need, but most often its our deep human need to be part of popular fads. At some point all of your friends are raving about Twilight and you go from "WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?!" to "Wait... what am I missing?" When everybody's talking about it, it's nice to have something to talk about. Much of the runaway success of World of Warcraft falls under the same banner. Cross that popularity tipping point (for whatever reason) and it becomes self-sustaining. Much as pundits, anthropologists, fans, haters, and the uninitiated may run themselves ragged looking for deeper meaning, it's probably just another popular fad.
Twilight is escapist fiction. You're not supposed to think about it.
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if at last you do succeed, never try again
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Margalis
Terracotta Army
Posts: 12335
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You all sure seem to know a lot about Twilight.
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vampirehipi23: I would enjoy a book written by a monkey and turned into a movie rather than this.
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NowhereMan
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Posts: 7353
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I can honestly say pretty much everything I know about Twilight I learned from this thread. Does reading this thread mean I can count myself as a part of the popular fad?
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"Look at my car. Do you think that was bought with the earnest love of geeks?" - HaemishM
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Morat20
Terracotta Army
Posts: 18529
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I can honestly say pretty much everything I know about Twilight I learned from this thread. Does reading this thread mean I can count myself as a part of the popular fad?
Yes. For every fad, there's a fad of people bitching about the lameness of the fad. And then there's another layer, who bitch about the people who always bitch about the lameness of the fad. Those people are assholes, though. |
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lac
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1657
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Twilight Fans Get Punked - Funny or die. Twilight fans show up to what they think is the red carpet premiere of "Twilight New Moon" only to discover that they are not going to be seeing Twilight, but instead will be forced into a vampire intervention.
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Pennilenko
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3472
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I can honestly say pretty much everything I know about Twilight I learned from this thread. Does reading this thread mean I can count myself as a part of the popular fad?
Yes, we are all doomed. |
"See? All of you are unique. And special. Like fucking snowflakes." -- Signe
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WindupAtheist
Army of One
Posts: 7028
Badicalthon
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Everything I know about Twilight, including that link, I learned from a friend of mine who has read the entire series despite loudly claiming to absolutely hate it. Supposedly she read it in that "gawking at a trainwreck" sort of way, but I wonder if she doesn't secretly love it and just feels guilty for doing so.
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"You're just a dick who quotes himself in his sig." -- Schild
"Yeah, it's pretty awesome." -- Me
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Ironwood
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Posts: 28240
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That's fairly common.
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"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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NowhereMan
Terracotta Army
Posts: 7353
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Twilight Fans Get Punked - Funny or die. Twilight fans show up to what they think is the red carpet premiere of "Twilight New Moon" only to discover that they are not going to be seeing Twilight, but instead will be forced into a vampire intervention. I have to say quite a few of those people took that pretty well. |
"Look at my car. Do you think that was bought with the earnest love of geeks?" - HaemishM
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naum
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4263
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"Should the batman kill Joker because it would save more lives?" is a fundamentally different question from "should the batman have a bunch of machineguns that go BATBATBATBATBAT because its totally cool?". ~Goumindong
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WindupAtheist
Army of One
Posts: 7028
Badicalthon
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"You're just a dick who quotes himself in his sig." -- Schild
"Yeah, it's pretty awesome." -- Me
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K9
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Posts: 7441
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For the first time ever, the youtube comments come through. |
I love the smell of facepalm in the morning
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NowhereMan
Terracotta Army
Posts: 7353
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I randomly watched one of her other videos and she looked like a fat, white Klingon.
Also some guy wanders in and starts saying how New Moon is worse than the Holocaust and she nearly cries. Hilarious.
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"Look at my car. Do you think that was bought with the earnest love of geeks?" - HaemishM
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IainC
Developers
Posts: 6538
Wargaming.net
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What. The. Fuck. I'm going to expound some poorly thought through opinions in a Youtube video; that'll silence all the haters! |
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Cadaverine
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Posts: 1655
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ANGRY POTATO DEMANDS VAMPIRES  |
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.
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Mrbloodworth
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Posts: 15148
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ANGRY POTATO DEMANDS VAMPIRES That one made me giggle as well. |
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Threash
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Posts: 9171
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So which one wins, necrophilia or bestiality?
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I am the .00000001428%
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Johny Cee
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3454
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Ha, awesome, now I don't even have to think about reading them. <3 The baby thing is um. In between telling me how creepy it was, my wife informed me of the lengths the author went to to explain how it wasn't creepy. Because it's apparently Twue Wuve, which means that Werewolf boy will be exactly what she needs when she needs it, and won't even think about anything else. So he'll be a big brother or cool, not interested in fucking you at all Uncle, until she's an adult and mentally and emotionally ready for a relationship, in which case he'll suddenly transform from "Hey, I'm like your Uncle and totally not interested in you in other than a protective, family way" into full blow "TWUE WUVE AND SPARKLY HAND HOLDING UNTIL MARRIAGE". Which at least indicates that the author was pretty aware that creepy "future mates" hanging around young children doesn't really work out. Actually, this kind of future mate thing is not that uncommon in genre works, mostly when there's a time-travel angle or an immortality angle. Dan Simmons, Anne Bishop, Orson Scott Card, and Anne Bishop all used it off the top of my head. It's a major plot point in Glen Cook's "Dread Empire" books, and Erikson comes at it from the reincarnation angle. I haven't seen either, but isn't that really the point of both The Time Traveler's Wife and the Benjamen Button movie? The real life angle is the huge number of teachers that go on to have relationships with former students. |
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. - schild