Twilight: New Moon

[Nerf]

Oh god, someone erase the last several hours.

I can't even begin to describe how awful this movie, and the first twilight movie both are.  None of it makes any fucking sense, and the lead vampire's one look that I'm told is supposed to be 'serious' just looks like he has to shit with great urgency.  Don't waste your time on this unless you're getting something out of it.  I traded to go see a midget stripper, I hope its worth it.

Why is this shit so popular?  I get it, young girls love the fucking books, but jesus christ the first movie was shitty shit shit, and the second was even worse.  Judging from how packed the theater was, and the fact that it was playing on all 20 screens, I imagine it's not going away, but it fucking needs to.
Fuck.

[K9]

Seriously, what the fuck were you expecting?

[Morat20]

Okay, let's start simple: Twilight is a romance novel. Vampires and werewolves and shit are the distraction. It is, in fact, the type of romance novel that is pretty much porn for a certain very common type of woman.

Lots of women carry around certain worries --- Twilight creates a world where there's no uncertainity who loves who, there's absolute faithfullness, and love and sex aren't confused. It's no different than bodice rippers.

Where it gets fun is that it was written by a Mormon teenager, and frankly you can tell that she really wanted to be Goth, but didn't dare, so her repressed desires come out all over the page. I've been informed that the last book or so is basically a synposis of "I thought I wanted to be a mommy, but babies are poop and hard work and hurt like hell coming out. Fuck that noise". (Mormon girls are raised to believe that having children is pretty much the end-all and be-all of existance, and that it is a deep joy unriveled by anything else. I suspect reality was quite a slap to the face).

I've only read one of the books -- out if idle curiousity that has damned my soul, nand have not seen the movies, but my wife is a junior high English teacher and holds a Master's (not in English, a specific field devoted to teaching writing) and she had to spend more damn time reading and analyzing those books, because crap or not -- it's what kids are reading, and you get kids to read, write, and develop those parts of their brain if you work with what they're willing to do naturally when possible.

She did say the movie was like a fork to the eye.

[Triforcer]

In what fucking movie theater would that play on all 20 screens?  I can only think of one, but I didn't know you could post to these forums from hell. 

[Nerf]

Midnight showing, and 12:01, and 12:02, and 12:03, and so on and so forth.  The girlfriend bought tickets at around 8pm and everything except the 12:50 and 12:55 show were sold out, and the morning news is reporting now that apparently the next several weekends are already sold out at many theaters in town.  It was a giant clusterfuck, which really goes along with the movie pretty well - there was no ticket checking past the actual entrance to the theater, so I imagine a lot of people with tickets to the 12:01, 12:02, etc shows ended up wandering into other theaters that started a bit later trying to find seats, which meant the theater for the 12:50 show was completely full by 12:15.

I'm going to take great pleasure in the violent collapse of the leads career though, he's apparently starring in a few other movies by the same studio, and from the previews it's pretty apparent the guy can't act at all - it was just blind luck that he was cast for 'angsty quiet vampire with IBS".

[Merusk]

I knew they were basically teen porn, Morat, but I didn't know the Mormon thing. Interesting.

The woman can't write for shit and I'm amazed your wife made it through the book given her credentials.  I read a page and a half of my wife's copy and it was atrocious.

[Velorath]

In what fucking movie theater would that play on all 20 screens?  I can only think of one, but I didn't know you could post to these forums from hell. 

I'm guessing the theater has all digital projectors, which makes it pretty easy to do for midnight shows.

[Morat20]

I knew they were basically teen porn, Morat, but I didn't know the Mormon thing. Interesting.

The woman can't write for shit and I'm amazed your wife made it through the book given her credentials.  I read a page and a half of my wife's copy and it was atrocious.

Doesn't have much of a choice -- she does say it helps to get into the angsty, teenage, wanna-be Goth but Dad would throw a fit -- mindset. :)

Still, it's what a ton of the kids she teaches reads. If she wants them to read and write eagerly, she has to start with what they like, regardless of what she feels about the literary merits of it. Show contempt for their tastes, and they'll tune you out. You leverage that stuff. So she asks them to write about why they liked it, what parts were their favorites, etc -- and use that to leverage them towards other books. "If you liked that, you'd like The Lightning Thief" or "If you liked that, I think you'd enjoy Wee Free Men", etc. Heck, she's proud of one kid she got to write (when she was teaching elementary) because she let him write about Pokemon. He fought every other teacher, but he actually wrote about Pokemon. At length. Give them something they enjoy, and they'll be more willing to do something they're less fond of. Kids do understand those tradeoffs.

[Big Gulp]

Okay, let's start simple: Twilight is a romance novel. Vampires and werewolves and shit are the distraction. It is, in fact, the type of romance novel that is pretty much porn for a certain very common type of woman.

Bingo.  It's the Tiger Beat of vampire movies.  It's sexually non-threatening which should appeal to tween girls who naturally feel scared about that.  What I can't fathom is how supposedly grown women who should have come to grips with that part of life still think this is the bee's knees.  It's just really, really sad.

[Morat20]

Bingo.  It's the Tiger Beat of vampire movies.  It's sexually non-threatening which should appeal to tween girls who naturally feel scared about that.  What I can't fathom is how supposedly grown women who should have come to grips with that part of life still think this is the bee's knees.  It's just really, really sad.

Bad boys, but safe. Absolute, true, unquestioning and unfailing love and fidelity. There's apparently this whole thing about how when they fall in love, it's 100% and there are no doubts, worries, or straying, and the guy is 100% focused on you.

Not what he can get from you, not if he can get you in bed -- you're the entirety of his universe, the only damn important thing he has.

You can understand why women might fantasize about a guy whose love is certain and knowable, whose fidelity is assured, and who treats them as if they're more important than anything else in the world.

[Big Gulp]

You can understand why women might fantasize about a guy whose love is certain and knowable, whose fidelity is assured, and who treats them as if they're more important than anything else in the world.

I can understand why teenage girls fantasize about that, because they're teenage girls.  If you're an adult shouldn't you have a little bit more emotional depth than that?  If those qualities are your fantasy just get a dog.  They meet all the above criteria.

And for the record, I'm not against romance movies.  Remains of the Day is one of my favorite movies, but it's also about deeply flawed human beings with realistic motivations.  If you're an adult you really should be embarrassed to be a fan of this kind of crap, and I think we have a civic duty to embarrass them for the betterment of society.

[apocrypha]

I can understand why teenage girls fantasize about that, because they're teenage girls.  If you're an adult shouldn't you have a little bit more emotional depth than that?  If those qualities are your fantasy just get a dog.  They meet all the above criteria.

I know loads of women (and men) ranging in age from 20 to 40 who seem, to me, to be totally emotionally stunted and locked into this false ideal of perfect, eternal love that has been thrown at them constantly since childhood by the media.

The several people I know who are obsessed with this Twilight crap all fall into that category and are all clearly deeply disappointed with the reality of their lives, and yeah it's incredibly sad.

[KallDrexx]

But they have a budget for this movie! 

(What I was told when my friend asked me if I wanted to go to the midnight showing.  Budget can't make shitty actors better)

[Morat20]

I can understand why teenage girls fantasize about that, because they're teenage girls.  If you're an adult shouldn't you have a little bit more emotional depth than that?  If those qualities are your fantasy just get a dog.  They meet all the above criteria.

It's fucking porn for women.

You'd think 30 to 40 year old men wouldn't constantly wank off on scrawny, bleached, plastic chicks unenthusiasitically faking an orgasm. Or airbrushed across a page.

Yet it's the biggest market in the US.

What you're basically saying there is "I understand why horny teenagers wank to porn. Adults should be a bit more mature about it". Just because these women aren't diddling themselves to it (well, probably not while reading it) doesn't mean it's not fufilling the same basic, escapist fantasy that Bob Average gets flipping through his collection of Asian porn or whatnot.

[NowhereMan]

Well now you've got something to point to when women complain that men's porn is horrible and adds nothing of value to the world.

[Big Gulp]

You'd think 30 to 40 year old men wouldn't constantly wank off on scrawny, bleached, plastic chicks unenthusiasitically faking an orgasm. Or airbrushed across a page.

I'm 35 and I can assure you that my favorite section of RedTube is the amateur section.  I want my sex dirty, poorly filmed, and somewhat authentic, even though most of that shit is still staged.

[K9]

TMI

[Signe]

I don't have even the tiniest urge to see this crap.  I bet none of the women here do.  I don't even know why anyone would bother to bring it up... what?  For all the women who don't come to f13?  And to actually go see it?  I'm sorry.  There, there.

[Bungee]

TMI

I especially liked it paired with his avatar. Although there would be better fitting ones around here.

[Rasix]

None of it makes any fucking sense, and the lead vampire's one look that I'm told is supposed to be 'serious' just looks like he has to shit with great urgency. 

Is that the face he makes in the TV previews?  Where the werewolf is coming at him?  Looks like he just chugged a gallon of spoiled milk. 

No fangs.  Twinkle in the sun.  Not overtly sexual.  Sounds great. 

My sisiter-in-law was banned by her friends from seeing this movie with them.  Apparently they didn't appreciate her laughing throughout the previous one.  I'm pretty sure that'd be my same reaction.

[Cyrrex]

I don't have even the tiniest urge to see this crap.  I bet none of the women here do.  I don't even know why anyone would bother to bring it up... what?  For all the women who don't come to f13?  And to actually go see it?  I'm sorry.  There, there.

Because some people's wives (not mine, thank the maker) actually insist that their man go see this movie with them.  Pretty ridiculous.

[Big Gulp]

Because some people's wives (not mine, thank the maker) actually insist that their man go see this movie with them.  Pretty ridiculous.

That's when you say, "Fuck no, by all means go out with your girlfriends, but I'm not going to endure that shit".  Of course, this is probably why I'm no longer married.  There are worse fates, like not having the balls to tell your wife to take a flying leap.

[WayAbvPar]

So glad that my wife isn't in to this silly shit. Even if she was she would leave me the hell out of it and go see it with her friends.

[IainC]

Sadly my wife is in to all of this shit, she also has a couple of shelves of Laurell K Hamilton stuff to boot. She knows better than to try and take me to a Twilight movie though.

[Rendakor]

So glad that my wife girlfriend isn't in to this silly shit.

[Sir T]

Friend of mine had free tickets to the midnight showing, so we went as kind of a good bye thing as I fly out tomorrow. The line stretched across 2 sides of the fucking block, and as we were walking along I jokingly said "You know, we could just go back to your place and rent a movie" and she said "Ok"

So we went and saw Mystery Men. I think we made the right choice.

[NowhereMan]

You can never got wrong with the Shoveller.

[Ingmar]

I can understand why teenage girls fantasize about that, because they're teenage girls.  If you're an adult shouldn't you have a little bit more emotional depth than that?  If those qualities are your fantasy just get a dog.  They meet all the above criteria.

It's fucking porn for women.

Eh it strikes me more like fucking abstinence propaganda for women. Like a romance novel without the flowery euphemisms for orgasms. But, my info is all second-hand.

[Nevermore]

Which is the opposite of the aforementioned Laurell Hamilton.  Her stuff really is straight up porn.

[Lakov_Sanite]

Which is the opposite of the aforementioned Laurell Hamilton.  Her stuff really is straight up porn.

I used to love the first three books or so in the anita blake series. It really starts out as a modern day detective/mystery novel series but then somewhere along the line the relationship stuff took over and there are literally vampires splooging on her ass. It's such a shame too because I was really digging the vibe and world she'd created until that point.

[HaemishM]

It's EMOTIONAL pr0n for women, since the ones who would probably like this shit wouldn't want to admit they are sexual creatures as well.

Robert Pattinson (the male - if you can call it that - lead) is stricken with one of the worst cases of doucheface I've ever seen.

[RhyssaFireheart]

Oh, this movie cme out?  That would explain why the theatre parking lot was emptying out at 2am this morning when I was out looking for a 24hr drive through.  (I was awake and hadn't had dinner!  Don't judge me!)  

I still don't get why some parent would take their grade school aged child to this movie on a school night though.  Saw a kid in the vehicle behind me while in line.

As for the Twilight series, I've not touched it, thankfully.  Especially not after hearing about how the characters act (stalker!Edward for starters).  It's scarier to think that teenage girls may be getting their ideas about relationships from this tripe and think that some things are signs of TWU WUV! instead of the creepy shit that it is.  Of course, kids these days think rape is a sign of love as well, so I guess the next generation is well and truly screwed.

[NowhereMan]

Hey Sleeping Beauty sort of consented by never saying no! Or less stupidly put, this kind of ridiculous happily ever after, true love view of romance has been around a lot longer than twilight. Worst case it's reinforcing the stereotype in a new generation of teenagers after we've had one, maybe two generations that had rejected the whole courtly love ideal. It's one of those societal memes that's been floating around for quite a while in the West. I'm never going to read it and I doubt it has any kind of literary merit but worrying this sort of stuff is going to emotionally retard generations of teenage girls is about as sensible as being concerned that Harry Potter is going to cause your 7 year old to develop a strong interest in sorcery and witchcraft and turn into a Wiccan.

[Abagadro]

One correction:  Stephanie Meyers wrote these in her 30's.  I guess she just writes like a teenager.

[Nerf]

I can't even begin to fathom the stunted emotional state that a woman in her 30s would have to be in to write this nonsense.  It's just soo fucking stupid.