Twilight: New Moon

[WindupAtheist]

Everyone's seen it but I'll post it anyway.

[bhodi]

And it makes me laugh every time.

Every. Time.

[Morat20]

Blade's not technically a vampire, right? So we can claim he falls outside the "Not Vampire Vampires Are Today's Vampires" thing.

Of course, as someone noted above -- vampires have never actually been vampires, and what defines vampire has and always will be fluid. So I guess technically it's just a matter of taste if you prefer your vampires to be the hot, angsty, obsessive Children of the Night or the creepy, fucked up monsters that prey on all that is good in the world.

*shrug*. I thought the movie sucked, and I desperately wished I'd brought an iPod (yes, I saw it today. Not by choice). Then again, I tried the first book after I caught my wife talking to it and couldn't stand the writing, plot, characters or...well, anything...and tossed it after about three chapters.

About the only common answer I've gotten about the appeal of the books or movies is that it lets people's inner 14-year old girls out, creepy stalker overtones or not.

And since I just got done playing X-Com because it let MY inner 14 year old out (my inner 14 year old -- or roughly thereabouts -- haveing played it when it first came out), I suppose I can't bitch much.

Still, The Dark Is Rising was better. It did make me think of Carpe Noctum, though. I think there's plenty of room for a vampire movie in which vampires convince humanity they're beautful, sad, emotionally vulnerable people cursed to fight against their animal urges and leverage that into controlling the world --- then laugh and feast off us behind the scenes. More or less like the Blade movies concept, but with vampires having commissioned all this angsty shit so their prey loves them and donates to them and frankly can't imagine them being, you know, predators that eat people.

I'd watch that movie. Especially if a Twilght fan got eaten first. :)

[schild]

No, it has nothing to do with vampires, but this thread desperately needed something awesome.

[lamaros]

Thanks for the  .  It makes me feel all giggly inside, like a little school girl.  Or maybe that's the residual Twilight effect.

The Oh, I See was for your crap argument. Twilight just made you retarded.

Edit: But it's ok, Margalis tried to make that argument further up and it was stupid then, too. I'll admit, I know a whole lot about stupid shit (not Twilight, but still), and frankly, I'm at least willing to call that stuff "Stupid Shit" and don't claim it to be any sort of good or even remotely awesome. Except Congo, that shit is off the hook.

You are not representative. I'm sure we can rustle up a number of people, from this board no less, who are incapable of talking about the stupid shit they like with any sort of intelligence. Let alone the internet generally.

You admit you know shit all about Twilight, what makes you think you have any idea about the people who read the books?

[schild]

...what makes you think you have any idea about the people who read the books?

I'm an excellent judge of people.

For example, you're not being a white knight. You're an internet douchebag being argumentative for no worthwhile reason.

Of course, that's unfair since it's how 99% of your posts come off and 2903 is a fairly safe sample size for such a thing. Hell, let's just go back a couple pages:

Twilight is just Harry Potter for adolescent girls and 40 year old women. I've see far worse from male fans of Fight Club. Good god they are surely the most self-righteous stupid bunch of idiots in existence.

Twilight isn't Harry Potter for adolescent girls and 40 year old women. Harry Potter is Harry Potter for adolescent girls and 40 year old women. But anyone who knows the demographics of the readership of both would never say anything so stupid. Also, male fight club fans aren't the problem. It's males who fancy themselves clever after watching something like Fight Club and saying "Oh I get it. It's art." Just like Twilight and Harry Potter didn't make these people stupid, Fight Club didn't either. It's just the mass market demographic that's like that.

Like what you ask? Stupid. That's what.

[lamaros]

Also, male fight club fans aren't the problem. It's males who fancy themselves clever after watching something like Fight Club and saying "Oh I get it. It's art."

There are other kind of Fight Club fans?

[schild]

Also, male fight club fans aren't the problem. It's males who fancy themselves clever after watching something like Fight Club and saying "Oh I get it. It's art."

There are other kind of Fight Club fans?

Yea, people that just like it as a movie.

[Ratman_tf]

You know what this thread reminds me of? All the hate that single adults had for Barney the Dinosaur. I never could figure out why the fuck they even cared about a kids show in the first place.

[ghost]

Fight Club actually had very little to do with fighting.

[schild]

You know what this thread reminds me of? All the hate that single adults had for Barney the Dinosaur. I never could figure out why the fuck they even cared about a kids show in the first place.

Because he was fucking everywhere and annoying as fuck to anyone over 6 years old and those people's parents. If he'd been confined to Nickelodeon or whatever and never appeared anywhere else, it'd have been tolerable.

[stray]

Bah. Fight Club is awesome, fuck the haters. Not a big fan of IKEA here. Or being 30.

[WindupAtheist]

If we're talking about horrifying children's shows, I have to mention Lazy Town. I saw it exactly one time and it was completely fucked up. I mean there's a kid with pink hair and a dude with a blimp, and whatever, I'm not paying that much attention. Then I notice that all the girl's friends are puppets, and she even refers to one of the puppets as her uncle.

Hmm.

Abruptly the overly analytical part of my brain that leads to ten page threads about mechs and dumb shit like that perks up and says "Hey they can't be related, he's a puppet and she's a human being!" Then the other half of my brain goes "Dude he's not supposed to be a puppet in the context of the show. Big Bird was a guy in a costume but everyone just acted like he was a talking bird. Same thing, so quit thinking about this bullshit."

Fair enough. I go back to not really paying attention as the show's badguy goes about... I dunno... trying to steal everyone's snacks or whatever he was doing. Only he doesn't really talk, he just sort of mutters. After being somehow thwarted by one of the puppet characters, he mutters "I hate those puppets!"

FUCK. HE CAN SEE IT TOO. HOLY SHIT. FUCK.

Suddenly I was filled with empathy for this poor man, the only sane man in an insane puppet-ruled hellworld, desperately lashing out at everything around him. There are only like three real people in the world, and two of them are completely out of their minds and treat the puppets like human beings. I'd do a lot worse than steal cookies in that guy's situation. I'd start slicing open puppets and pulling out their puppet guts and showing them to that little bitch while she screamed "Oh no look at all the blood!" and I'd be like "IT'S NOT BLOOD, IT'S FOAM YOU LITTLE SHIT! I WILL MAKE YOU SEEEEEEE!"

Fuck your Barney.

[Ironwood]

Seriously, when you have a kid who watches Barney Non-Stop, you'll know the true horror of Barney.

Good post WUA.

[Soln]

personally, I would be more interested to know what the LDS thinks of all this Twilight sexo stuff and how it's from one of their own.

[ghost]

Just throw the fucking TV out the door.  Then you won't have to worry about Barney or any of that other shit disrupting your kid's development.

[Ironwood]

Yeah.

How many kids ?

[waffel]

Please make the 4th movie.

http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html

Even though New Moon has made a bazillion dollars and even though the third Twilight book, Eclipse, is already filming, Summit has declined to announce the fourth and final Twilight book as a movie. There's a good reason for this: Breaking Dawn is completely fucking insane, and it is probably totally unfilmable. But if they do film it... man, we are in for a treat.

Breaking Dawn opens with Bella Swan, the lacteal heroine of the series, finally getting married to Edward Cullen, the mopey vampire hero. They go off to honeymoon on Isle Esme, a Brazilian island the Cullen clan owns (this is already ridiculous beyond belief. Imagine a vampire going snorkeling; it basically happens in this book), and Edward is afraid to fuck his new bride. The reason: he's super strong and she's just a human - Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex type of situation here. But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her - and knocks her the fuck out, leaving her badly bruised.

 

[Abagadro]

personally, I would be more interested to know what the LDS thinks of all this Twilight sexo stuff and how it's from one of their own.

They eat it up.  The theaters here in Utah had the highest per screen attendance in the nation opening weekend I believe. It's all okay because they get married, or something.

[Ratman_tf]

Please make the 4th movie.

http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html

Even though New Moon has made a bazillion dollars and even though the third Twilight book, Eclipse, is already filming, Summit has declined to announce the fourth and final Twilight book as a movie. There's a good reason for this: Breaking Dawn is completely fucking insane, and it is probably totally unfilmable. But if they do film it... man, we are in for a treat.

Breaking Dawn opens with Bella Swan, the lacteal heroine of the series, finally getting married to Edward Cullen, the mopey vampire hero. They go off to honeymoon on Isle Esme, a Brazilian island the Cullen clan owns (this is already ridiculous beyond belief. Imagine a vampire going snorkeling; it basically happens in this book), and Edward is afraid to fuck his new bride. The reason: he's super strong and she's just a human - Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex type of situation here. But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her - and knocks her the fuck out, leaving her badly bruised.

 

He can't just lay down and let her do all the work? Or is this some symbolism that I'm missing?   

[Lakov_Sanite]

Please make the 4th movie.

http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html

Even though New Moon has made a bazillion dollars and even though the third Twilight book, Eclipse, is already filming, Summit has declined to announce the fourth and final Twilight book as a movie. There's a good reason for this: Breaking Dawn is completely fucking insane, and it is probably totally unfilmable. But if they do film it... man, we are in for a treat.

Breaking Dawn opens with Bella Swan, the lacteal heroine of the series, finally getting married to Edward Cullen, the mopey vampire hero. They go off to honeymoon on Isle Esme, a Brazilian island the Cullen clan owns (this is already ridiculous beyond belief. Imagine a vampire going snorkeling; it basically happens in this book), and Edward is afraid to fuck his new bride. The reason: he's super strong and she's just a human - Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex type of situation here. But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her - and knocks her the fuck out, leaving her badly bruised.

 

He can't just lay down and let her do all the work? Or is this some symbolism that I'm missing?   

It was written by a mormon woman, she's lucky if she even knows the missionary position.

[Sir T]

He can't just lay down and let her do all the work? Or is this some symbolism that I'm missing?   

Symbolism that involves him biting the pillow in half.

[ghost]

It was written by a mormon woman, she's lucky if she even knows the missionary position.

I'm sure her father taught it to her.

[Pennilenko]

It was written by a mormon woman, she's lucky if she even knows the missionary position.

I'm sure her father taught it to her.

 

[Ratman_tf]

[lac]

Finaly! The youtube one minute re-enactment synopsis thingy you've been waiting for.

[Mrbloodworth]

Finaly! The youtube one minute re-enactment synopsis thingy you've been waiting for.

Awesome.

[Lakov_Sanite]

Finaly! The youtube one minute re-enactment synopsis thingy you've been waiting for.

The dog got me pretty bad.