Parenting Fail

[Hindenburg]

A side effect of having the lil' debutant marry the not-so-rich-but-still-reasonably-wealthy farmer.

Problem is, even here in a solidly red state like Idaho it's illegal for the kiddies to possess a handgun.  After she shot the guy, I'd have to worry about all the prison sex she was getting down at ye olde juvenile facility

Nicholas Cage showed us an alternative to that in the epic romance Face Off.

[Polysorbate80]

...running in slo-mo through a flock of doves?

[Oz]

I prefer methods like dropping $100 in cash on the coffee table and saying: "See that? If I wanted to buy some kids your age to kick your ass, how many do you think it would get? Hurt my daughter child and we will find out."

Thank you.  I'm totally stealing this idea. 

[Hindenburg]

...running in slo-mo through a flock of doves?

Sticking a switchblade in their leg and twisting it.

[DraconianOne]

Saw this on Yahoo! News the other day - unlike other news sources, they highlighted the fact that the dad was a Polish national. Cultural differences? I don't know.

There's a club if you'd like to go?  You might meet somebody who really loves you.  So you go and you stand on your own.  And you leave on your own.  And you go home, and you cry and you want to die.

You shut your mouth!

For those who've never encountered Morrissey before, this is all you need to know.

[Triforcer]

Every unmarried, childless 20-something that has ever posted on an Internet message board thinks they are gunna be totally cool and totally raise their kid without any of those quaint rules that Bible-thumpers have bogusly imposed on society to totally restrict creativity and wonder.

...then said person actually HAS a kid, and having at least a few rules suddenly becomes more attractive than using the kid as a political platform to rage against tha machine. 

EDIT:  Not saying hardcore authoritarianism in parenting is good either (I saw those kids in college, and they went off the other deep end within the first month), but the Internet Parental Libertarian routine is also pretty damn retarded.  Being somewhere in the middle is usually best.

[DraconianOne]

My son is three and my daughter is one.

I have absolutely no fucking idea what I'm going to do when they start dating - I'm going to leave that to their mother. The only thing I'm in charge of is their music and film educations.

My main concern is about when my daughter is 18 and brings her friends around and how I can avoid feeling like some middle-aged, lecherous old perv. 

[gryeyes]

All of the kids i grew up with with somewhat irresponsible parents (not neglectful) that allowed tons of freedom. Ended up pretty well adjusted. The kids i knew from private school with extremely repressive parents where all kinds of fucked up. I personally cant even attempt to say what i would do with my own children.

[Paelos]

My main concern is about when my daughter is 18 and brings her friends around and how I can avoid feeling like some middle-aged, lecherous old perv. 

This came up recently with a friend of mine whom I've known for 10 years, and his sister since she was 8. Now she's 18 and her little friends that just graduated high school like to head up to the lake with us late 20s folk to my friend's house. I tend to just avoid them because they are incredibly annoying, and I try to play defense with our alcohol supply. Half because they are underage and half because IT'S MY BOOZE DAMMIT.

[Grimwell]

Honest moment about daughters and the admission that you can't control/prevent/stop them from doing everything you'd like them not to:

I'm not 100% sure if/when I will tell them this but I am seriously debating paraphrasing the following to them before they start dating.

I'd prefer it if you didn't take any nude pictures of yourself and send them to your boyfriends; or allow anyone to take nude pictures of you. While you may not want to  believe me, at some point that guy is going to post them on the internet and embarrass you with them. That's what happens with nude pictures. I can't stop you from doing this if you really want to, but I would prefer that you listened to me and didn't.

If you ignore this suggestion, please plan on being found naked on the internet. In that event, instead of letting some douchebag post your pictures for free, why not wait until you are 18 and get paid for it? Not that I want you to do that, but if you are going to ignore me and have naked pictures anyway, at least profit from them.

[Sky]

Yeah, I'd pay for that.

 

[Cyrrex]

Can't we just get a fapping Daffy emoticon?

[NowhereMan]

Alternatively show them 4Chan and tell them that is where any naked pictures of them will end up. Of course if you really fuck they may well be posting naked pics of themselves there at some point. The warning should definitely involve, "And some weird freaks may find out where you live and post those pictures all over your school. If that happens don't say I didn't warn you." Which of course would be no help if they're stupid enough to do it but at least you might feel mildly vindicated?

[Grimwell]

The problem with that is if I use 4chan as the tool it could be the wrong day. Racsim, fucking gross corpses, and all kinds of other things are better for my kids peers to introduce them to than me.

[gryeyes]

This came up recently with a friend of mine whom I've known for 10 years, and his sister since she was 8. Now she's 18 and her little friends that just graduated high school like to head up to the lake with us late 20s folk to my friend's house.

That is completely fair game. Young but not extremely inappropriate, well obviously don't dick the little sister.

[Paelos]

This came up recently with a friend of mine whom I've known for 10 years, and his sister since she was 8. Now she's 18 and her little friends that just graduated high school like to head up to the lake with us late 20s folk to my friend's house.

That is completely fair game. Young but not extremely inappropriate, well obviously don't dick the little sister.

Yes, well that's a given.

[Oban]

The problem with that is if I use 4chan as the tool it could be the wrong day. Racsim, fucking gross corpses, and all kinds of other things are better for my kids peers to introduce them to than me.

Web cache.

[Nonentity]

This thread reminds me of an old PLIF comic.

[Hindenburg]

I went to a disco once when I was 15. Hated every minute of it. Came home. End of any dating experiences for the next 9 years

There's a joke to be made here. A pretty hilarious one. But I'll let someone else make it. If they don't in a week, I will.

Time's up.

[schild]

I went to a disco once when I was 15. Hated every minute of it. Came home. End of any dating experiences for the next 9 years, bar occasionally going to a bar when I was in college.

You know, most days I think you went to an english class once when you were 15 and hated every minute of that and it ended any experiences with proper grammar, argument, and spelling for the next 9 years.