G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

[Broughden]

I don't give a good god damn about the source material but god dammit there's much better things they could have done with this than HALO:the movie.

One word: Ninjas.


 

[LK]

I used to think this was going to be good.

Then I saw the latest trailer and Transformers 2.

This is going to suck all kinds of SHIT.

[Lakov_Sanite]

I just saw the new trailer on tv and the baroness doesn't have an accent.


 

[Triforcer]

There will be fights in the beginning, then one of the G.I.s will really talk with Cobra Commander and realize he had a traumatic childhood.  The G.I.s will realize that THEIR willingness to use violence makes them really no different than the people who they are fighting.  In the end, both sides will finally obtain the most powerful weapon of all:  love. 

[ahoythematey]

I'm okay with that if said love involves Sienna Miller in interesting positions.

[Oban]

I'm okay with that if said love involves Sienna Miller in interesting positions.

Do a google search, she has been in pretty much every position already.

[ahoythematey]

You say that like it ever gets old. 

[Tebonas]

So, if I didn't know before what GI Joe is, I can ignore this movie?

[01101010]

When I first heard GI Joe was going to be a movie, I got happy - then I recalled the horror that unfolded on the screen during the Transformers movie and then got sad. I mean really...

 vs
Feels like when I was a kid seeing the difference between the 1/2 gallon of vanilla ice cream in the freezer and walking into a Baskin Robbins.

[Yegolev]

I had not planned on seeing this unless there are Porkchop Sandwiches.

[Merusk]

When I first heard GI Joe was going to be a movie, I got happy - then I recalled the horror that unfolded on the screen during the Transformers movie and then got sad. I mean really...

 vs
Feels like when I was a kid seeing the difference between the 1/2 gallon of vanilla ice cream in the freezer and walking into a Baskin Robbins.

Valid gripe, except the first year or so there were only 11 figures out there.  Look at it that way.

Not that the movie won't be horrible on the level all 80s toy movies have been.

[Oban]

This movie is looking more and more like it will give Stealth a run for its money as the worst big budget action movie of the decade.

[Tannhauser]

All I remember from the show was that people could shoot the gun from your hand but couldn't actually hit anyone.  Also, both sides lost a lot of planes but no soldiers.  Budget overruns for the Joe's must have put us in a deficit.

[Slyfeind]

This movie better do at least as well as Transformers 2, otherwise I swear, I shall be no end of confused!

[AutomaticZen]

When I first heard GI Joe was going to be a movie, I got happy

 

Did you seriously expect the movie to include four guys based on sports, a guy dressed like a killer bee, two samurai, a pink shirtless Jason reject, four ninjas, a parrot, a jaguar, a panther and DEEP FUCKING SIX? (note, I could actually keep going as there are some schizophrenics and other interesting characters as well)

Did you expect that magical movie to be good?

The only characters worth taking seriously are in the bottom right of that picture, and most of them are...well... not that far from the what you have in picture two.

I'm not saying the movie will be good, but the movie some G.I. Joe fans had in their head was never going to be good.  Especially not with two-thirds of those rejects.  At least Resolute paired it down to a good 20-something Joes.

[Yegolev]

I'm thinking: remake the Bugs Bunny Saturday morning opener but using every G.I. Joe character.  Eighty minutes of awesome.

[Slyfeind]

Overture, curtain, lights!

I always thought a GI Joe movie would be more like Mortal Kombat, just embracing the cheese and going for it, instead of trying to get people to take them seriously and "reimagine" and whatever. And dark. Can't forget dark.

[Lakov_Sanite]

I would have loved to see massive battles on both sides, ya know armies fighting which is sort of what gi joe is supposed to be.  All we're gonna get is small squad combat in super suits which is...meh. 

Personally it should end with the joes having decimated an entire city(with no casualties of course) and then standing atop the rubble of what used to be L.A  then, after marlon wayans comes in and says "Sir, we've defeated cobra and gotten all the people to safety, we won."  they will pan out and show the near complete destruction and have hawk shout out "Yo Joe!"

[Cyrrex]

Overture, curtain, lights!

I always thought a GI Joe movie would be more like Mortal Kombat, just embracing the cheese and going for it, instead of trying to get people to take them seriously and "reimagine" and whatever. And dark. Can't forget dark.

The key difference being that the cheesy version would get wholly overlooked by the mainstream, while the douched up sellout version will be a summer blockbuster.  Count on it.  We all seem to have trouble understanding that when films like this are created, there is only ever one motivating factor.  Money.  They care about the source material only to the extent that it is a recognizable IP.  

We also continually fail to realize that IPs like GI Joe and Transformers are constantly being reinvented.  They both exist or existed in some other form than the 80s TV show.  They don't have any specific canon they must adhere to, because they always fucking change.  You're simply setting the wrong expectations.

The chicks better still be hot though, that's a given.

Edit:  added quote.

[Slyfeind]

Oh yeah, don't get me wrong. I totally expected it to go into cult status. I didn't think they'd get so much money to make it, either.

What weirds me out about Transformers is that Optimus was a semi in the movie. He was NEVER a semi except that one time. So...they used the 80's version, but didn't? Huh? Same with GI Joe. They're using the 80's version, but not? Or something? Reimagining some parts and going "THIS IS NOT THE 80'S GI JOE!" But they're still using some of it and going "THIS IS TOTALLY THE 80'S GI JOE!"

Whatever. I'll still see it.

[WindupAtheist]

The existence of any non-eighties version of Optimus that turned into something besides a semi truck was irrelevant. People who know/care about some non-eighties version of Optimus that turned into something besides a semi truck are themselves irrelevant. They made him a truck because he's a truck in the mind of the general public, but made him a different model of truck because they thought it looked better.

Why is this so hard to understand?

[Merusk]

Do they even still make the old mac trucks for them to have propped up, anyway?  All I ever see around here are the engine-forward types and none of the old "ride the engine" semis.

[Lakov_Sanite]

G.I joe is not going to bea blockbuster. Transformers2 rode on the success of the first and was still somewhat decent in the action dept. gi joe has much, much less going for it and the IP is even less important than in the case of transformers.

[UnSub]

When I first heard GI Joe was going to be a movie, I got happy

 

Did you seriously expect the movie to include four guys based on sports, a guy dressed like a killer bee, two samurai, a pink shirtless Jason reject, four ninjas, a parrot, a jaguar, a panther and DEEP FUCKING SIX? (note, I could actually keep going as there are some schizophrenics and other interesting characters as well)

Of course! Hollywood needs to learn to respect the source material or else people won't take it seriously! 

[Trippy]

The chicks better still be hot though, that's a given.

[Margalis]

The ads for this movie are now running with a lame quite like "lots of fun" from Knowles at AintItCool, which means it must be even worse than we imagined.

[Cyrrex]

G.I joe is not going to bea blockbuster. Transformers2 rode on the success of the first and was still somewhat decent in the action dept. gi joe has much, much less going for it and the IP is even less important than in the case of transformers.

I probably shouldn't have used the the term blockbuster.  I think it has the potential to be a success, though.  I think there are a lot of guys my age who want to see a hot Baroness duking it out with a naughty Scarlett.  Not to mention a Snake Eyes vs. Stormshadow brawl, the though of which makes the 11 year-old in me tingle with anticipation.

[WindupAtheist]

I could see this being one of those movies that makes like $150m domestic and $300m worldwide and is still regarded as a disappointment for bringing in $100m profit instead of $400m. A semi-flop in the mold of both Hulk movies.

[tazelbain]

Of course! Hollywood needs to learn to respect the source material or else people won't take it seriously! 

I was the person who said "respect the source" on the first page.  I don't see what the problem is.  Iron Man, LotR, 300 and Spiderman did it and made good money.  I was specifically talking about movies I want to see.  Hollywood is free to film abortions of childhood memories and make a bundle doing it, but these are not movies I will watch.  Nobody has taken Hollywood seriously in a very long time regardless of G.I. Joe.

[DraconianOne]

Because pairing down the team and giving leather costumes to the X-men really damaged that film.

[Slyfeind]

The existence of any non-eighties version of Optimus that turned into something besides a semi truck was irrelevant. People who know/care about some non-eighties version of Optimus that turned into something besides a semi truck are themselves irrelevant. They made him a truck because he's a truck in the mind of the general public, but made him a different model of truck because they thought it looked better.

Why is this so hard to understand?

First, disclaimer: I LOVE REIMAGININGS AND AM NEVER IN GEEK RAGE WHEN A DIRECTOR OR WRITER CHANGES SHIT. Please to not lump me in with the shitfuck fuckfucktardfuckers who fucking freak out when fucking shit gets changed because I fucking hate adherence for the sake of fucking nostalgia. Direct translations bore me to tears. Pisses me right the fuck off.

That said, I honestly figured the general public saw him as a firetruck.

[Slyfeind]

I was the person who said "respect the source" on the first page.  I don't see what the problem is.  Iron Man, LotR, 300 and Spiderman did it and made good money.  I was specifically talking about movies I want to see.  Hollywood is free to film abortions of childhood memories and make a bundle doing it, but these are not movies I will watch.  Nobody has taken Hollywood seriously in a very long time regardless of G.I. Joe.

Respect the source material when it's good. Change it when you can do better. Changing for the sake of changing stuff (i.e. directorial masturbation like the elves at Helm's Deep) is just as bad as keeping crappy stuff in.

[AutomaticZen]

I was the person who said "respect the source" on the first page.  I don't see what the problem is.  Iron Man, LotR, 300 and Spiderman did it and made good money.  I was specifically talking about movies I want to see.  Hollywood is free to film abortions of childhood memories and make a bundle doing it, but these are not movies I will watch.  Nobody has taken Hollywood seriously in a very long time regardless of G.I. Joe.

Hollywood has never been about anything but money.  Never.  Oh sure, there are those out there with vision and whatnot, but you generally need money to get there and make profit to stay there.

That said, the source material, even at its most serious is like this:
or this:
And the movie is like this:

The difference there is almost immaterial.  And people bitch about the damn accelerator suits, but the cartoon had these wonderful gems.

So... frankly who cares what they did to it?

[Cyrrex]

What AZ said.  Also, I forgot how awesome the trubble bubble is.  You have sparked some serious nostalgia in me, dude.

[HaemishM]

I haz BATTLE BALLZ!

From what I've heard, the accelerator suits are in that one long action sequence that you've seen everywhere and that's it. It seems strange to use something so minor as such a heavy point of emphasis, but meh. I think the movie will be fine as a braindead action movie that has some similarities to the characters they are based on. As long as it isn't Bayformers or Van Helsing bad, I'm ok with it.