Useless Conversation

[Samwise]

She can love him, but she has to be against the behavior. Publicly. Because she is a public figure.

I doubt the world would have judged her with anything but unwavering support if she'd walked away.

I find that while I strongly agree she did the wrong thing, I also strongly disagree that being a public figure obliges her to make decisions about her personal life based on how others will view her.

[Trippy]

Chris Brown has serious anger management issues. He has not changed. Her life is in danger if she stays with him, seriously, but it is her choice.

[Merusk]

Why is this about her?

My hate is all brown and the way people overlook it on him.  Stop inviting the useless shit to things.

[schild]

Oh, she'll just find another abusive boyfriend. Chris Brown should be tarred, feathered, and burned though. I absolutely disdain that we're supposed to just "accept it" since they're such great entertainers.

They both pretty much blow ass though.

[Morat20]

Yeah, I'm gonna go with "Her choice, and it's a retarded fucking choice any way you slice it, but Chris Browm is a fucking bitch that should be flat-out fucking ostracized from society".

"You're welcome to come, Chris isn't." should be the line from, well, EVERYONE.

[Lantyssa]

But by being famous and having money, she has access to services that people in abusive situations don't. She doesn't have to worry about whether or not she'll have a place to stay if he does it again. She doesn't rely on him for anything. She can love him, but she has to be against the behavior. Publicly. Because she is a public figure.

She has lots of advantages, but it doesn't mean they'll help to a sufficient degree.  The whole situation is sad, and it's easy for us to know what is 'right', but we're not the ones in the middle of it nor with a scarred psyche.

She needs help, not judgement.  Brown needs a cluebar to the head though.  Repeatedly.

[Yegolev]

Can't stop it.  Can't stop shitty posts, either.

[Ironwood]

That looks sore.

[HaemishM]

Yeah, I'm gonna go with "Her choice, and it's a retarded fucking choice any way you slice it, but Chris Browm is a fucking bitch that should be flat-out fucking ostracized from society".

"You're welcome to come, Chris isn't." should be the line from, well, EVERYONE.

This too. Anybody giving Chris Brown any fucking money deserves to her their business license taken away. And he sure as shit shouldn't be honored with a Grammy Nomination or invite or any other honor but the "Useless Shitbag WifeBeater" awards, hosted by Ike Turner.

It's her choice, she made a bad one and now millions of little girls around the world will think it's ok for a man to beat on them, especially if he has money and fame. I'm not good with that.

[Rasix]

My son has figured out that he can fake being sick at school and be sent home.  He's 3.  I feel like I need to leave note in teacher feedback box: "Don't believe his lies."

His illness today amounted to being frustrated and hungry.  Cost my wife half a vacation day. 

[Samwise]

My mother always made sure that no matter how sick I was, if I made her leave work so I could go home sick, I'd wish I'd stayed at school.  To this day I'm terrible about taking sick days off work.

[Ironwood]

Yeah.  My mother was a teacher, so it was basically 'Do you want to fuck over 30 other kids for your sniffles ?'

Did it hardly at all.  Even when limbs were falling off.

[Strazos]

I took all my sick days in high school - ALL of them.

But at least I was responsible about it - never on test days or due days for projects/papers.

[lamaros]

I booked flights for Easter. Got an email reminder about my flight for the 28th of Feb last night...

Friend visiting from the US, other friends 30th... Shit.

[Selby]

I took all my sick days in high school - ALL of them.

I got the perfect attendance award in high school... 3 years in a row...  Would have had it in 6 years of college too had they given one.  There was no such thing as an allowed sick day in my high school, doctor's note or it's "unexcused" and after 5 unexcused absences you could face expulsion.

[Segoris]

I took all my sick days in high school - ALL of them.

But at least I was responsible about it - never on test days or due days for projects/papers.

^This.

I think I would have been expelled from Selby's school within the first month. By those rules, I took off 5 "unexcused" absences just for mine and my friends' birthday parties. Luckily, I played sports and was/still am friends my guidance counselor and her family.

[Sky]

My job allows parents to use a significant portion of their sick time as family ill time, stay home with the kids etc.

Do you have any idea how shitty that is for my fiancee and I, who have no children?

I tried to get vet visits allowed, but no...I have to use personal time. Dammit.

/firstworldproblems

[Morat20]

Yeah.  My mother was a teacher, so it was basically 'Do you want to fuck over 30 other kids for your sniffles ?'

Did it hardly at all.  Even when limbs were falling off.

Teacher's these days are "JESUS CHRIST IF YOU HAVE THE FUCKING FLU STAY HOME YOU LITTLE SHITS".

Of course, technically they're ALSO supposed to stay home but you only get two weeks of paid sick leave and if you take it anytime the school needs you there (which is basically like the entire school year) you get shit up one side and down the other.

[Strazos]

I got the perfect attendance award in high school... 3 years in a row...  Would have had it in 6 years of college too had they given one.  There was no such thing as an allowed sick day in my high school, doctor's note or it's "unexcused" and after 5 unexcused absences you could face expulsion.

They were unexcused - 3 per marking period before it's an issue.

I never quite understood the whole doctor's note thing - sure, if you're out for more than 3 days or something, fine. But needing to go to the doctor's office because you have a minor flu or virus? Waste of time, and spreads your sickness around, and gets you out of the house when you should be resting.

[Yegolev]

My son has figured out that he can fake being sick at school and be sent home.  He's 3.  I feel like I need to leave note in teacher feedback box: "Don't believe his lies."

Just a comment that you're likely already aware of: they do get more crafty as they age.   We allow sick days but we bring home all the classwork/homework and have him do it.

Do you have any idea how shitty that is for my fiancee and I, who have no children?

Yes, sir, I know exactly how shitty that is.  The amount is "not very".

[Ironwood]

 

[Reg]

Hey Sky, You've talking about your fiancee for about as long as I can remember.  Are you ever going to actually marry her or is "fiancee" just a cover for "happily living in sin." 

[RhyssaFireheart]

My job allows parents to use a significant portion of their sick time as family ill time, stay home with the kids etc.

Do you have any idea how shitty that is for my fiancee and I, who have no children?

I tried to get vet visits allowed, but no...I have to use personal time. Dammit.

/firstworldproblems

Yeah, furkids should be counted as well!  Or just let people use their sick/PTO as they choose and not have to provide an excuse.

Do you have any idea how shitty that is for my fiancee and I, who have no children?

Yes, sir, I know exactly how shitty that is.  The amount is "not very".

Oh yeah, and who do you think picks up the slack for parents who constantly have to leave early or take time off to deal with their offspring for whatever reason (kids got sick, school was let out early, vacation, etc. etc. etc.)?  Or who gets preference for extra time because "they have a family to feed"?  Or who pays all those taxes into the system to support schools/parks/etc. while rarely taking anything out?  Who pay extra to have a dog park and have to listen to parents complain about the noise an expansion would bring yet wouldn't make a peep if the park were for kids.

/petpeeve

[Samwise]

is "fiancee" just a cover for "happily living in sin." 

I don't know why you'd even ask that question.

[Nebu]

Oh yeah, and who do you think picks up the slack for parents who constantly have to leave early or take time off to deal with their offspring for whatever reason (kids got sick, school was let out early, vacation, etc. etc. etc.)?  Or who gets preference for extra time because "they have a family to feed"? 

/petpeeve

Sounds more to me like your employer is an asshole.  First for making you pick up the slack for someone taking a day off for a company approved reason and second for giving preferential treatment.   

[Reg]

is "fiancee" just a cover for "happily living in sin." 

I don't know why you'd even ask that question.

I was just curious.  Sorry if I've offended.

[Rasix]

My job allows parents to use a significant portion of their sick time as family ill time, stay home with the kids etc.

Do you have any idea how shitty that is for my fiancee and I, who have no children?

I tried to get vet visits allowed, but no...I have to use personal time. Dammit.

/firstworldproblems

Yeah, furkids should be counted as well!  Or just let people use their sick/PTO as they choose and not have to provide an excuse.

Please never use this word again. Thanks.  

Side note: Many parents have pets too.  We manage.  

edit:

The childless do seem to have a nice advantage at least in the environment I work.  They can (or are just willing) work longer/stranger hours than I can.   My last 3 managers have been a divorced dad with a grown kid, younger female with no kids, similar aged female with no kids, and now some similar aged guy I that really haven't even met yet (new one). 

Our office environment seems to reward killing yourself for the company.  Something I was able and willing to do pre-kid, but not anymore.

[Sky]

I did my part, ball is in her court now.

She's weird, if that wasn't obvious from the fact she's my fiancee. Living separately is pretty awesome, though.

[Merusk]

Same experience as Rasix.  If you're willing and able to work 60-70 hours a week you go far, fast, at every company I've worked for.  Doubly so in my Brother-in-Law's place of employment - a  bank.  (it's why he was a Vice President at 35).  Kids or a non-working spouse prevent this.

Those of us with Kids who leave at regular times because of their schedules get marks down for not, "Being a team player." or "putting in the effort required." because of those sick days, even if we can and do work from home during them.

 So yeah, asshole employers everywhere.

[Samwise]

is "fiancee" just a cover for "happily living in sin." 

I don't know why you'd even ask that question.

I was just curious.  Sorry if I've offended.

By which I mean it should be obvious the answer is yes.   

[Paelos]

Same experience as Rasix.  If you're willing and able to work 60-70 hours a week you go far, fast, at every company I've worked for.  Doubly so in my Brother-in-Law's place of employment - a  bank.  (it's why he was a Vice President at 35).  Kids or a non-working spouse prevent this.

Those of us with Kids who leave at regular times because of their schedules get marks down for not, "Being a team player." or "putting in the effort required." because of those sick days, even if we can and do work from home during them.

 So yeah, asshole employers everywhere.

It's a tradeoff really. I'm not sure it makes them assholes for not promoting you. There are a variety of choices involved in those decisions, many of which can be hard. However, I see clients all the time who I practically have to stop myself from screaming at because they both insist on working. At the end of the day, Unless you are making over six figures a year each, there's almost no point to it after tax when you take into account all the ancillary issues of kids.

[Merusk]

At the end of the day, Unless you are making over six figures a year each, there's almost no point to it after tax when you take into account all the ancillary issues of kids.

Suffice to say you're wrong, and I get much more benefit from 2 incomes than any tax breaks from the single income.  I make too much for the EIC and too little to get by on one income.

Too often I see professionals look at 2 professional incomes instead of one working-class and one professional or 2 WC jobs and say, "You don't REALLY need to do that. 2 incomes isn't helping any."

Actually, yes, with many families it does.

http://www.hughchou.org/calc/dappen.cgi

I did that.  My family makes $16.5k a year out of a 23k gross income with the second income.  Many of those fields are 0 because WC people don't belong to clubs, have 'a look' or dry cleaning or any of that to keep up with.  Eating out is a luxury.  The field of "oh I'm too tired" isn't an option and seeing it there is laughable.

No, I can't give up $1,375 a month. Not if I want to stay in a house and actually pay back my school loans and keep my kids clothed outside of what they get from relatives for birthdays/ Christmas.

[bhodi]

You can always get more money, but you only have one chance to watch your kid grow up.

[Paelos]

At the end of the day, Unless you are making over six figures a year each, there's almost no point to it after tax when you take into account all the ancillary issues of kids.

Suffice to say you're wrong, and I get much more benefit from 2 incomes than any tax breaks from the single income.  I make too much for the EIC and too little to get by on one income.

I'm not wrong. That's the choice argument. Many people want to maintain a certain lifestyle, so they choose what they choose. They want the house instead of renting. They want the certain child care place instead of the other one. They want this car instead of this car. They want to live in 2500 square feet instead of 1500.

At the end of the day, you're choosing to have $16,500 a year more. But perhaps you're not looking at the whole picture in that calculator. As you said before, employers bitch when one of you takes a day off for your kids, or they are sick, or you have to keep regular hours. Maybe you don't get that promotion because you're "not a team player" as you said. What if, on the other hand, one of you is going 60-70 a week instead of 2 people going 40? What happens to that base income over 3 years? What if you get that promotion instead of that $23k to $16.5? What about long term retirement and investments, etc?

I don't judge people for choosing what they are choosing. I get a headache as a professional when I lay out the options and they just pass it off as impossible. Too many times I've seen people literally work themselves into bankruptcy situations over these kinds of issues because they were doing 2 jobs adequately instead of one job exceptionally.

[Yegolev]

Oh yeah, and who do you think picks up the slack for parents who constantly have to leave early or take time off to deal with their offspring for whatever reason (kids got sick, school was let out early, vacation, etc. etc. etc.)?  Or who gets preference for extra time because "they have a family to feed"?  Or who pays all those taxes into the system to support schools/parks/etc. while rarely taking anything out?  Who pay extra to have a dog park and have to listen to parents complain about the noise an expansion would bring yet wouldn't make a peep if the park were for kids.

/petpeeve

I know all about this as well, since I was not always a parent.  Having seen both sides, I'll say that I understand what you are saying and add that I don't want this conversation to go to a Bad Place.  I also currently have four cats and a dog (previously more of each), so I know about that stuff as well.  I can't speak for others, but from personal experience I'd not complain about the enormous wealth of freedom that comes with being childless.  Unfortunately it's not something that people are going to understand via an internet conversation, or any conversation at all.  Before/after parenting is like before/after Rick waking up in The Walking Dead.