NFL 2015

[Mithas]

God the Redskins are bad.

[Malakili]

The giants really tried to give it away, but the redskins just didn't want it.

[brellium]

Yeah, my poor, poor Bears.

Sadly, I would have done better in my pool last week had I played Cutler (8 of 9 before the aforementioned spraining)

I actually felt kind of good about how the Bear defense looked against Greenbay because they gave up less than 42. Baby steps!

TBH 42 (or more) is probably going to happen any time you allow a kick off return for 108 yards on the opening kick off.

[K9]

In all fairness, GB, Arizona, Seattle is a brutal set of games to open the season with. But equally, we're not looking particularly great anywhere on the field.

[TheWalrus]

Seattle's easy. Just keep pressure on the O line, and throw long bombs. We've decided we're going to do jack and shit about those two things this year. Fuck.

[Tannhauser]

Atlanta and Carolina making the NFC South look presentable this season.

Mariota ties an NFL record with 8 TD passes in his first three games...in a loss.  Still, it beats Ryan Leaf.

Denver vs. Detroit tonight.  Manning should have fun; the Lions don't field a defense.

[Mithas]

I've decided that 3/4 of NFL games are unwatchable. Mostly due to poor QB play.

[WayAbvPar]

Wow. The Bears are bad. Seattle looked like hot garbage for 80% of that game and it was never in doubt.

[HaemishM]

I've decided that 3/4 of NFL games are unwatchable. Mostly due to poor QB play.

Actually, I'd start the unwatchable discussion at "shitty offensive line play" and "too many goddamn penalties." The QB play just naturally falls out of that.

Games I didn't watch
LOL at the NFC South. Carolina can barely beat a New Orleans team that is super shitty WITH Drew Brees, which should be even shittier on the road with Luke McCown at QB. How was this game even close? I thought the Panthers had a defense. Also very glad I didn't watch this game. The Steelers lose Rothliesberger to what amounts to a rape accusation suspension injury.  He's lucky he didn't tear the shit out of that MCL/ACL area, because that's very similar to the hit that almost ended Carson Palmer's career. Expect plenty of LOL's the next six weeks as Tomlin tries to make Mike Vick look like an NFL QB again. Le'Veon Bell and Deangelo Williams fantasy owners should be thrilled. Holy shit, San Fransicso - aren't you glad you ran off Jim Harbaugh and replaced him with the high school janitor? Your almost Super Bowl Winning QB threw 4 picks including 2 pick sixes and less than 100 yards but at least that Harbaugh asshole is gone, AMIRITE? Meanwhile, what the fuck happened to San Diego? Two straight bad losses but at least the Cincy loss is understandable - they have a good defense. Minnesota? They do not. They do have All-Day Child Abuser Adrian Peterson in the backfield though and it appears the Chargers can't stop the run because the Vikings sure as shit didn't put up 31 points on the strength of Teddy Bridgewater's performance. And suddenly, San Diego is worse than the fucking Raiders. THE... RAIDERS.

Games I did watch
Bears vs. Seahawks - once again America's Game of the Week is a punishment for something. The war on drugs probably. This game was fucking awful from start to finish. I'm not even sure why the Bears even bothered coming to the game though you wouldn't actually know that they HAD come to the game from their performance. What was the game plan? Do as little as possible and don't get hurt? I realize you have Jimmy Clausen as your QB but stacking the line with 2 tight ends and 6 offensive linemen then running the ball up the gut 3 straight times isn't going to win you games even with Matt Forte running. The shittiest part is that Clausen didn't look bad - hell, he didn't have a chance to look bad. 17 total passes and I think one of them might have been longer than 10 yards. 10 possessions, 10 punts. I knew the Bears were bad but holy shit, that's bad. Worst part is that I can't say there'd have been a lot of difference with the Cutlet under center though Seattle might have had a few INT's to go with it.

As for Seattle, what... the... fuck? Ok, Marshawn Lynch is hurt but their running game didn't seem to suffer. Except for third down and short, when their offensive line looks completely unable to move the pile no matter who is running the ball. Also, Darrell Bevell really is a fucking shithead. "Hey guys, I know we traded our pro bowl center for this Jimmy Graham guy. He's a tight end, right? What do you mean he can't block? What does he do? Catch touchdowns and fuck bitches? Great! Let's have him pass blocking defensive ends! No one will expect that!" At least one sack on Russell Wilson (against a shitty Bears' defensive line, remember) happened because Jimmy Graham has the blocking abilities of a crippled goat. At least they finally threw him a TD pass but they continue to use him on crossing routes and underneath shit. Why? Send him down the seam, let Wilson chuck it downfield at him, ball game. When he's healthy (which we know he won't be at some point this season), he's a better pass catcher than every other player on the team. Let him catch some fucking deep balls, FFS. Also, get that Tyler Lockette kid in the pass game more. He's got more skills than every other pass catcher on the team besides Graham so... you know, use him. As for the defense, I just don't know what to say. How is it you can shut out another NFL team and yet still not really look all that threatening? I suppose I expected them to break Claussen in half and they really didn't. But hey, your next game is against Detroit at home, so it's not like you'll have to try too hard to win that game either. I'm sure Darrell Bevel will make sure it comes down to a field goal in OT, though.

Denver vs. Detroit - when did this matchup become so so shitty? The Lions are utterly inept. Their defense and their O line are both just coasters - they take up space and serve a purpose just not one that anyone gives a shit about. Who knew that letting your best defensive player go would cause the entire rest of your defense to suck so mightily? TBF, they are also missing DeAndre Levy to injury but shit - two players shouldn't cause that much drop off. As for the offense, how can a group with Matt Stafford and fucking MEGATRON look so boring and average? Well, no running game is a start but they haven't really had much of a running game the entire time those two have been on the team, so it can't be that. They just don't look capable of beating anyone.

And yet, the Lions' shitty defense still made a Peyton Manning-led offense sweat. The Broncos also have no fucking offensive line - it just doesn't exist. It's a figment of the imagination. They can't run block, so as a result the Broncos' can't run for shit. Kubiak insists on a run-first offense despite being shit at it. Putting Peyton in the half-shotgun helped Peyton out a lot, though so I guess there's that? Watching Peyton Manning throw this year is like watching your grandparents fuck. It's like they remember what they are supposed to be doing but they just don't have the energy for it. He threw the ball a little better this week but if his arm strength were a football, Tom Brady would be asking for more air in it. And dear God watching him do one of those fucking bootleg plays that Kubiak loves is painful. I mean, at least he didn't Matt Schaub a few pick sixes out of them but you are just waiting for Manning's shin bones to go flying out of his skin with every step. I'm reminded of Kurt Warner's last playoff game - he's a statue trying to throw a football. Making him bootleg is only going to get him hurt. With the Raiders looking competent, and San Diego shitting the bed, the AFC West looks wide open this year.

Tonight should actually be the only non-shitty game to watch this weekend.

[Shannow]

In summary: A lot of shitty football was played this weekend.

[Bunk]

The telling point in the Bears game was 4th and 1 around midfield, end of the third quarter, down 23 - They punted. Got another 4th and 1 on the next drive I believe - and punted.
Basically, Fox gave up and was coaching to just not get blown out any worse.

[Paelos]

The telling point in the Bears game was 4th and 1 around midfield, end of the third quarter, down 23 - They punted. Got another 4th and 1 on the next drive I believe - and punted.
Basically, Fox gave up and was coaching to just not get blown out any worse.

I noted that too. If I was a Bears GM or owner I'd seriously question if I had the right man in that job. You never give up in an NFL game like that as a coach. It's contagious. The Bears might as well just fold up for the season.

[HaemishM]

In summary: A lot of shitty football was played this weekend the past two seasons.

Fixed that for you. The NFL's on-field product has turned to utter shit, mostly since the new CBA got signed.

[Rasix]

Peyton threw some spirals! He looked like he was going to pop a blood vessel in his head, but hey, some passed weren't horrible ducks.

That game was basically unwatchable though.  The level of ineptitude on both sides was thick as fog. A giant fog of suck.

[Paelos]

I watched the Denver game until the half thinking Detroit might eek it out.

Until they completely botched that last second 4th down play at the end of the first half. Morons.

[Shannow]

Gregg Easterbrook in his TMQ column (now on NYT I think, he was probably too critical of the NFL to stay on ESPN) continually harps on coaches punting on 4th and short in the oppositions half. His theory is that its conservative coaches trying to keep their jobs vs trying to win games.

I wonder if anyone has done analysis on margin of victory in the last two seasons vs prior seasons to see if the product has gotten shittier. Wouldn't be surprising. My feeling is that the emphasis on passing has exposed us to more and more shitty QBs (while college is still doing a lot of option and funky shit) while defensive players maybe have gotten bigger and faster so we haven't seen a balance come in the running game or something.

Let's instead marvel at the loljets and Brandon Marshalls's helmetlateral , almost as good as the buttfumble.

[HaemishM]

The scary part is that the Jets only lost to basically a Darren Sproles punt return. Sam Bradford's numbers were their normal shitty. But you know... lolJets.

The guys in the Den/Det game last night did let out telling stat leak out before not saying shit about it again. The average number of penalties per game in the first two games of this season was like 15.8 or some shit, and that's the highest that number has been since the AFL/NFL merger in 19-fucking-70. So yes, they really are tossing a shitton more flags - it isn't just me.

[Paelos]

Average penalties per game is 7.575 per team in 2015 so far. That's just over 15 per game.

2014 it was 6.6 per team
2013 it was 6.1 per team
2012 it was 6.23 per team
2011 it was 6.31 per team
2010 it was 6.04 per team
2009 it was 5.88 per team
2008 it was 5.59 per team
2007 it was 5.67 per team
2006 it was 5.85 per team

So let's just say it was around 5.8 flags per team per game about 5-10 year ago. That's 11.6 per game, which is 3.4 fewer flags per game than now. Doesn't seem like much until you take into account that there are 256 regular season games, and it's almost an extra 1000 penalties a season more than it was back then.

[Malakili]

Are the new penalties that are being called directly related to new penalties they have added to the rules (low hits on QBs, defenseless receivers, etc), or do just have more people jumping offsides than usual?  I'm guessing the former, but it's just a guess and I'm wondering if anyone has actual stats.

[MrHat]

I wish we could add pass interference penalties for receivers in fantasy football.

And -1 point to defenses for each penalty taken.

It is totally out of control.  You don't really realize it when all you watch is redzone, but night time games are completely unwatchable.

[Paelos]

I can't finish an East coast game at night anymore. They start at around 8:20 now, and there's zero chance in hell you're getting done before midnight.

[HaemishM]

The Sunday night and Monday night games this early in the season are both set on preseason expectations, so the matchups are "marquee" matchups, not ones based on this season's quality. They start flexing the Sunday night games later in the season to be more meaningful but things like next weekend's match? Yeah, we are stuck with that one - a Romo/Bryant-less Cowboys team and a Saints team that has been terribad WITH Drew Brees and may be without him. I am not even remotely interested in watching that game. The Monday night games have been worse over the last few seasons because Sunday night is getting the marquee matchups AND the flex, and Monday night seems to be "give every team that didn't lose 13 games at least 1 TV slot" and holy shit are there some bad games on that list. Tonight's Packers/Chiefs should be good but Detroit @ Seattle? Pittsburgh @ San Diego with no Rapistberger and the Philip Rivers slow-mo disintegration? The Giants @ Philly? Oh man, Chicago @ San Diego in week 9? Baltimore @ Cleveland in Week 12?

Are you ready for some (shitty) football?

[Shannow]

The fact that after EVERY. SINGLE. defensive play where your team breaks up a pass you have to clench your butt cheeks for 5 seconds waiting for the PI flag to come in is fucking awful.

The roughing the passer and kicker calls are getting ridiculous as well. When Brady gets hit in the head (by a Jags lineman who was trying to block the pass) and doesn't even whine about it you know the call is shitty.

[HaemishM]

You know, just to be positive for a second, I will say that I really like the changes to replay AND the changes to the extra points that the NFL made this year. Having every called turnover be reviewed was just way overdue and makes for fewer challenge flags, and the missed extra points give a little bit of variation to the game that wasn't there before.

EDIT: Greatest comment ever about the Brandon Marshall lateral fumble from Deadspin:

It’s a normal thing, with the Jets, seeing a fumble caused by an asshole.

[K9]

Are the new penalties that are being called directly related to new penalties they have added to the rules (low hits on QBs, defenseless receivers, etc), or do just have more people jumping offsides than usual?  I'm guessing the former, but it's just a guess and I'm wondering if anyone has actual stats.

From the games I've seen it seems like a lot of the penalties seem to be ones that aren't really on the refs. I'm happy to be corrected by actual numbers, but it seems like there have been a ton of penalties down at the line of scrimmage (false starts, NZ infractions, offsides etc) and fewer things like PI. I know when I was watching the Denver vs Chiefs game the Broncos' D-Line had a ton of stupid penalties. As I say though, this might just be my impression.

In other exciting Bears news, we've traded Jared Allen to the Panthers for a conditional 6th round pick apparently. Some other BEars fans seem to think we got rinsed, but frankly I think it's probably about right for Allen, who isn't the force he was 3-4 years ago. The team is in rebuild mode, and clearing up space for some of the younger guys to get experience in the front seven (which while not stellar is looking a lot better than the past couple of years) is probably a better move for the future. No idea why the Panthers want him, are they considered a 'win-now' team? From what I can see the best they can hope for is to make the playoffs, largely due to the ineptitude of their division rivals.

[K9]

And now we're sending Jon Bostic to the Patriots; it will be fun watching them turn him into a pro-bowler or something 

Apparently there's a fire sale on Chicago defensive players.

[Shannow]

Anyone see Pagano's locker room speech after the Tennessee game? 'That's as big a win as I've been a part of in my life'.

Yup, a week 3 win over shitty Tennessee.

Good luck Colts!

[HaemishM]

And the Colts only won because they stopped a 2-point conversion. GO COLTS!

The Packers/Chiefs game was glorious for about 3 quarters. A-Aron just tearing shit up because he has a decent O line, a great set of running backs and receivers who mostly don't trip over their own dicks. I really wish my remote had a "Gruden Mute" button because holy fuck do I hate hate hate listening to him fellate players even when I agree with his assessments (like on A-Aron). Then, Dom Capers decides "Fuck it, we're up by like 31 points, let's take the 4th quarter off." At that point, he stops pass rushing and just throws up the softest prevent coverage possible. KC gets back in the game with 3 fucking garbage time gift wrapped touchdowns before Capers starts to realize they are getting close and calls blitzes again. FFS, the last KC TD drive was like 18 plays long, you think in one of those he could have called something to stop the very obvious dumpoffs and short passes they were throwing but NOPE NOPE NOPE. It's the same shit that lost us the NFC Championship game last year. You cannot do this against a good team. Luckily, KC's offense is not really that good but hey, at least they finally got a TD pass to a wide receiver!!!!

[WayAbvPar]

If Rodgers stays healthy they are going to be tough to beat.

[Shannow]

Capers will find a way.   

[Paelos]

If Rodgers stays healthy they are going to be tough to beat.

If teams stop trying to jump the count on him, they'll probably do better. He's an assassin with a free play.

[HaemishM]

It's not like teams are drilling against that. KC supposedly practiced that shit all week and still got busted on 2 of those offside calls.

[Paelos]

It's not like teams are drilling against that. KC supposedly practiced that shit all week and still got busted on 2 of those offside calls.

KC has issues beyond just jumping offsides though.

[Shannow]

It's not like teams are drilling against that. KC supposedly practiced that shit all week and still got busted on 2 of those offside calls.

I'd file that in the same drawer as 'teams that said they practiced covering Gronkowski all week'

A decent o-line, a smart QB with a clever (but not overly) OC are almost unstoppable in this league. GB ran that play 3 times where the two receivers basically run a pick play for the 3rd..borderline illegal but you can't defend it.

[Stewie]

As dolphins fan  I am not familiar with this term "A decent o-line" please tell me more.

The phins 2 "starting" guards are ranked 71st and 74th overall. That's right , there are nearly a dozen backups around the league that are better than either of Miami's starters and with an injured starting LT they are playing jason "the human turnstile" fox there. I think Ryan Tannehill may die this year.