f13.net

http://deadspin.com/how-else-did-the-49ers-screw-up-their-coaching-search-1686060155

Heh Niners. How I loathe you and how happy it makes me to watch you struggle.

Reminds me of Dallas :awesome_for_real:

Dallas has a better excuse. We're run by an insane person hell-bent on stretching his face to the limit, getting blown by whores in a bathroom, all while on the phone to discuss our draft options.

And the Niners are owned by people who don't give a shit about football. Who has it worse?

The Browns.

Yeah, okay.

 :oh_i_see:

I mean at this point following the Browns is just being stubborn. Anybody and everybody would encourage you to jump off that failboat and find a better team. I just assume you enjoy pain and let you have your fun watching your dreams burn to death like a polluted river.

It's pretty bad when Harbaugh comes out of this looking like the good guy.

Blood runs deep.

Browns are to football what the Cubs are to baseball and the Leafs are to hockey.

"Crytal Meth is okay, after all, people do heroine too!"

Chargers, Raiders will jointly pursue an NFL stadium in Carson (http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-nfl-stadium-20150220-story.html#page=1)

 :drill:

Can't wait until the Rams move and all these teams fuck off with their WE'RE GOING TO LA IF YOU DON'T BUILD US A STADIUM shit.

I don't like it when Trippy forces us into a new thread before the Combine! BOOOOOOOO!

I love that the damn Raiders are thinking of moving to LA again. Like that worked out so well the first time. How would the NFL best show that they hate the city of LA? By allowing the Raiders to move there, share a stadium with the Chargers and then move one of them into the NFC West.

Having recently watched "Straight outta L.A." during my 30 for 30 marathon, the reason the Raiders in LA thing didn't work out was the same reason anything with the Raiders didn't work out: Al Davis.

He actually had everything  basically set up to build in the location the Rams are saying they are going to build but when the league approached him about the possibility of sharing the stadium with another team he promptly said "fuck you, back to Oakland I go!"

WE'RE GOING TO ST. LOUIS IF YOU DON'T BUILD US A STADIUM!  :awesome_for_real:

The Leafs have won a cup in my lifetime.

The Jets... Oh, the Jets. Browns fans got nothing on us.

Oh, you Jets fans can just drag out that lush Namath.  How many Super Bowls have the Browns been to again?

None.  :oh_i_see: But we were bad asses in the 40s and 50s I've been told...

I mean, it's not like Ohio residents don't have another option to root for.  You could just start rooting for the Beng....oh wait.

No. Fuck those river trolls (that goes for Pittsburgh too).  :awesome_for_real:

Like I said, at this point it's just being stubborn. Just root for Green Bay, you get agony with dashes of success, and the product is more fun to watch.

Great news Browns, you signed Josh McCown (http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/12395101/josh-mccown-cleveland-browns-agree-3-year-deal)

 :why_so_serious: This smiley doesn't do justice to how laughable that team is. Take my advice and jump ship. Do it. Save yourselves.

EDIT: Best comment so far

Well this is not a surprise at all and actually is a better option than Hoyer IMHO. McCown is brought in as a stop gap until they can get a decent rookie... maybe 2020.

Except McCown is a fucking dumpster fire. There are 20 QBs equally shitty on the market. Why not try one that hasn't proven he is awful?

At this point, I'm surprised they haven't signed that 3rd stringer that played in the playoffs for the Cardinals. I mean, shit, he's lost fewer games than McCown did.  :why_so_serious:

I knew when McCown did so well under Trestman that he'd get a contract much bigger than he deserved, I just never expected he'd get two.

Speaking of McCown, he expects to start (http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/12408309/josh-mccown-expects-start-qb-cleveland-browns). Oh and look at the guaranteed money.


3-years, $14 million, with over $6 million guaranteed. I guess that's cheap for a QB these days, but it's pretty expensive for how many wins he'll probably have.

$6M guaranteed for a shitty insurance policy isn't bad. It's still too much for him.

The NFL is starting to get a little nuts about having backups and paying them decent money. I say that's stupid. If your QB goes down, you're Arizona. You have zero shot at winning in the playoffs and you shouldn't pretend a $6M investment would make you competitive.

I'd rather toss that $6M into an extra RB signing for more injury risk there.

Having a good back up QB is a luxury most teams can't afford.  When you do have one, it makes life easier when your #1 goes down and can make the difference between playoff success and being an also ran.  I know it's not the NFL, but here in Calgary, the CFL Stampeders won the Grey Cup championship with a guy who was #3 on the depth chart last year.  Bo Levi Mitchell went from a nobody to arguably the 2nd best QB in the league in one season.  The guy who was #2 here the past few years, Drew Tate, could easily start for almost any team in the league and the Stamps have a lot of confidence in him to take over if Mitchell goes down.  The former #1, Kevin Glenn, is a 13 year veteran with over 43000 yards passing, 239 TD passes and twice threw for over 5100 yards, though he kind of shit the bed last year in BC after being left unprotected in the expansion draft.  So Calgary lets their veteran #1 QB be taken in the expansion draft, a QB who took them to the championship game in his first season, and names their #3 the starter, who not only ties the CFL record for most consecutive wins as a QB to start a career, 7-0, but he goes on to help the team win 2 playoff games and a Grey Cup championship.  All this in a league that has more than a few teams struggling to find one decent QB.  Calgary had 3 QB's that were all #1 quality and they either won the championship or were very close to winning the past few years.

TLDR version: good back up QB's are a very important but rare commodity for a football team to have.

Aren't the Cowboys one of the best cases for the value of a competent backup QB?  Romo tends to get (minor) injuries that force him to sit multiple weeks or play in body armor and much reduced efficacy, and Dallas is perpetually on the playoff bubble.  If they had someone decent enough to win them a couple of those games, or allow them time to get Romo healthy...

Yah, if your top tier starting QB goes down with a season ender you might as well fire the expensive backup and use your League minimum salaried 3rd stringer.

Green Bay from last year is proof that a good backup QB is worth a good bit. The fact that they didn't lose all those games last year with Wallace/Tolzien/Flynn kept them in the race and they won the division the first game Rodgers comes back. Had they lost one of those games with Flynn as QB or not tied Minnesota, they wouldn't have gone to the playoffs.

Exactly, I'd rather spend any extra money on a QB than a RB.  Decent RB's are a dime a dozen.  Not so much with QB's.

They went 2-5-1 in that stretch and got beat in the first round, even with Rodgers back. It's not a success story. That's my point. Most of the time these guys are useless. The two wins were over Atlanta and Dallas, one of which was an 8-8 joke and the other was a literal dumpster fire. I'm not sure if the QB situation made a difference at all. It was a terrible division and a year that GB by all rights shouldn't have made the playoffs.

Arizona showed what happens too. Yes you can make the playoffs, and get exposed. Big deal. I guess for some teams the idea of paying a backup is worth getting to the dance? Not me. Dallas didn't get settled into an actual playoff run until Tony was healthy almost the entire year. Weeden played one game and lost last year. Exactly.

They went 2-5-1 and had they not had Flynn, they likely would have lost all of those games and missed the playoffs completely. The 5 games they did lose were with a shitty 2nd string QB and a 3rd string QB. The difference between a shitty backup and a good backup was 2 wins, 1 tie and a playoff berth. The loss in the playoffs doesn't matter that much - just getting to the playoffs is big dollars even for a perennial playoff contender like the Packers. Ask Jerry Jones if he'd taken a playoff berth and first round loss over missing the playoffs and I can guarantee you his answer will be to make the playoffs.

Now, again, I said a GOOD backup QB. McCown isn't that and any fuckhead who thinks his success in Chicago was due to his ability and not Trestman's systems... well, those fuckheads pay him $6 million in guaranteed money for 3 years. He still would have been better than that 3rd stringer whose name I keep forgetting in Arizona.

But really, if you are down to your 3rd string QB, you're done. Even down to your backup, you're probably done in the playoffs. There just aren't even 32 guys good enough to be competent starting QB's, how many can come off the bench for an injured QB and be half as good?

If you have a remotely functional team at all outside your QB, you can win 25% of your games. It's a 4-12 record. That's basically what GB did, and they won a bad division at 8-7-1, before getting blown away in the playoffs.

From a financial standpoint, that's fine. But from a cap standpoint I'd rather concede that my chances are over if I lose my top 10 QB.

I mean, you can call it getting blown away in the playoffs, but unless I'm losing my mind weren't they about 2 minutes from making it to the super bowl?

No that was this year. He's talking about 2013. They didn't really get blown away there they just lost in on a last second kick. I'm just being facetious.

Either way, I don't think it's a place to spend the money if $6M in cap money can get you an extra RB, or an extra WR, or an extra LB where you need rotations.

Once your starter is gone, unless you hated him and were planning the move anyway, you're fucked. Plain and simple. The chances of winning a playoff game drop immensely, and the chances of winning it all are next to zero.

(http://s1.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/15-jeff-hostetler-super-bowl-winning-quarterbacks.jpg)

(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/82533/brady.gif)

 :awesome_for_real:

Well going by my Browns' standards... McCown is a step up to trash rather than sewage. He is a stop-gap and will probably be more veteran mentor to a young QB rather than a QB the team actually relies on. At this point, Browns fans have resolved themselves to never having a QB play for a full season anyway, so this is just another name under center. Someday maybe... someday.

Yeah, obviously they could have done worse. I guess their idea is he'll be a better mentor to Johnny Football than Hoyer or anyone else available?

He seems like the mentoring type. A lot of the chat from Chicago over the past year or so has highlighted him as a team-first type of guy who helps to keep order in the locker room, and works well with his teammates. I don't think he's close to being the difference-maker in Cleveland, but if you want someone to watch over Manziel he might not be the worst option.

Hey, Seattle has done pretty well with a backup QB!  :grin:

Eagles trade LeSean McCoy to the Bills for Kiko Alonso. (http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/12415886/philadelphia-eagles-trade-lesean-mccoy-buffalo-bills)

Pre-cap.

Uh, hmmm

I really can't figure out who benefits the most here.

Yeah, same here. The Eagles get about $10 million in cap space freed up I think, but I'm not sure what they've got is enough to make up for it.

Eagles have freed up close to $35MM with a combination of moves, including letting Trent Cole go. I don't see Chip spending it on the RB position and there are no QBs available beyond the draft, but I have to assume he has some kind of plan.

Otherwise  :ye_gods: :ye_gods: :ye_gods:

And then today happens.

Bills announced they will acquire QB Matt Cassel from Vikings and an undisclosed draft choice in exchange for undisclosed draft choices.
 (https://twitter.com/AdamSchefter/status/573174855992020992)

Loved that EJ Manuel pick.  :why_so_serious:

Hey I have an idea. You just bought a $10MM a year running back. How about an O-line?

To quote Mike Rodak on twitter (https://twitter.com/mikerodak):

Also the entirety of the Bills 2013 draft was a mistake apparently.

I don't know what the fuck Rex Ryan is on about with that Bills team. McCoy is not the back I would have gotten if I wanted a ground and pound type of offense. Not that he can't do it, but I think he's entering that part of his career where that type of running will end up with him spending as much time on the sidelines as on the field. Don't the Bills already have two good but injury-prone and breaking-down backs already?

EDIT: Also, the Matt Cassel trade is just  :ye_gods: What better way to signal to EJ Manuel that he has no fucking shot to be the starter than to trade for a guy who has no business being starter and is also coming off a season-ending injury? Does Buffalo even have a high enough pick to have a realistic chance at Mariottta?

Bills do not even have a 1st round pick this year. Cleveland has theirs, 12th.

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000407751/article/2015-nfl-draft-order-top-three-needs-for-all-32-teams

The funniest thing about that list? How QB isn't listed as a top three need for Jacksonville or Cleveland.

Jacksonville might want to try getting some WRs, RBs and O-Linemen before giving up on Bortles, though.

Manning taking a $5 paycut, staying with Broncos.
 (https://twitter.com/mortreport/status/573212816389357568)

 :drill:

I wanted Manning to return, but the pay was starting to loom a bit large given the drop off. This will help, with the cap increase, to make some signings. Hopefully we just let OJ walk.

How is 5 dollars going to make a difference?  :why_so_serious:

Hey, you can get a good amount of tacos from taco bell for that much.

Like Nevermore said, they only drafted Bortles next year. He wasn't lights out but he wasn't fucking horrible either.

Bortles can be absolutely amazing as a QB. Anybody that looks at his body type, throwing arm strength, and pocket awareness can see that.

The problem last season is they threw him to the wolves early, and he got really gun-shy late in the year. He was hearing footsteps and throwing the ball away a lot, plus he wasn't going downfield.

Unless he gets an O-line though? He's a casualty waiting to happen.

The David Carr effect.

I'd take him on Dallas if Tony went down behind that line. Bortles, not Carr.

Brandon Marshall to the Chargers (https://twitter.com/RapSheel/status/573526024807383041)

Fake account. Move along.

Cutler isn't going to like that move.

Cutler doesn't like anything.

True. I guess what I was saying is that the Bears are obviously going into rebuild mode. I'm not sure anyone wants to take on Cutler's contract but if they get an opportunity they will trade him too.

After last year, NOBODY is going to touch Cutler with a ten-foot pole until the Bears release him. His contract is way too big. This is definitely a sign that the Bears don't expect to compete much this year.

Fake account. Disregard. Fucking twitter.

It DID generate this great moment: https://twitter.com/BMarshh54/status/573529222465122304

(For those that don't know, there is an LB named Brandon Marshall.... on the Broncos.)

That Brandon Marshall cracks me up, it's not the first time he's made a joke out of the confusion.

Yeah, hoping he sticks around for a good long time. Good player, great attitude.

Saw this comment on the Deadspin article about the Brandon Marshall trade hoax. Thought it was too good not to share.


 :why_so_serious:

The burns are real  :cry:

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/12432188/chicago-bears-trade-brandon-marshall-new-york-jets

So is the Brandon Marshall trade - but to the Jets.  :ye_gods:

Now they just need a QB. Of course, Marshall is likely to break down even further on the turf but he'll likely still be an upgrade over everyone they have there once they release Harvin.

So yes, the Bears really are in rebuild mode. I expect if they don't make the playoffs in 2015, both Cutler and Forte will be cut.

Beat the rush, Cut Cutler now. He's no good to them in current format.

Don't even cut him, just trade him.  There's plenty of teams that will pay top dollar for him right now.  If you're going to rebuild, go all the way.

I doubt there is a team out there that would be willing to take on his current contract. Even my Browns aren't that stu... no. Not even going to say that lest the stupid actually happen.

God damn it.

The fucking Jets?
If it isn't obvious, Marshall's on my fantasy team. So is Cutler (douche or not, his fantasy stats are really good). At least they had chemistry together. Glad I still have time to decide who I'm protecting.

The problem is that Cutler's contract is almost nigh untradable. But they can't really cut him either because he's got like $38M in dead money floating around. I was being facetious there.

Cutler's cap hit is $16.5 in 2015. In 2016 it's $17M. Then you can start to renegotiate the deal because the dead money is gone.

Yeah, nobody is going to take Cutler's contract in a trade. At the very least, they'll be expected to part with a 1st or 2nd rounder and based on his performances last year, you'd be just as likely to win with a rookie QB as you would Cutler (and you KNOW Cutler is going to lose you at least 2-3 games by himself - that's just a fact). Plus, the only teams with that kind of cap money either have a QB established or that they are still kicking the tires on (like the Raiders and Jags).

I'd love to see either the Jets or Redskins trade for him just for the LULZ.

Arizona.

Carson Palmer. Even though he restructured his contract, I still don't think they'd take Cutler.

Yeah true, but a 35 year old QB coming back from injury? That injury? I'd be highly suspicious of him lasting 1-2 more years there. And no, Cutler to Zona makes no sense, but neither does McCoy to the Bills.

Cutler's an anchor. I joked they'd be better off cutting him now because, A - You eat the money now in a shit year instead of 2 years, and B - You get to try out new QBs on the offchance they don't suck ala Romo.

No, you draft a rookie. You're going to be eating his money anyway, and he will win some games despite his complete and utter lack of motivation to do so. If he's terrible, the rookie gets some starts and maybe pushes The Cutlet to get his head out of his own ass.

If you cut him it accelerates the money though I believe,  and I really want to watch the bears field a team short 38m

Looks like the Eagles are resigning the Butt-Fumble.

As a Cowboys fan I give this move  :thumbs_up:

I cannot for the life of me figure out what the fuck the Eagles are thinking this offseason. Unless they are angling to go full-on crazy with draftees, I just don't get it. Maybe they feel like they want to go younger like the Packers and just build from the draft and very limited free agency?

http://deadspin.com/what-is-chip-kelly-doing-1690255848

Short answer: Kelly must believe there are no irreplaceable players on a football team. He believes his scheme wins all. In short, he's a fucking idiot if he thinks the NFL is not about talent and is about a chess game. It's not.

I'm inclined to agree with Kelly aside from a few key positions that you absolutely need a marquis player at in the NFL.  You need a great QB, OT, MLB/ILB, and at least one star CB.  You can build around that with players willing to lose some identity for team chemistry.  Belechik has built teams around scant few players with  his scheme.  I assume Kelly has an inflated enough ego to think he can do the same.

Belichick has also done it with probably the best QB of all time (as much as it pains me to say it). That lessens the difficulty quite a bit.

I'd probably add either a top tier RB or WR, but yeah, pretty much.  

Belichick has a first ballot HOF QB and he still managed to fuck it all up until recently, when he finally produced a top tier defense by picking up Revis, Browner, and Chung.

It's nigh impossible to win the Super Bowl with a system. You need top tier HOF type talent at several positions.

And he still was one play away from losing that Super Bowl.  :why_so_serious:

The logical first step in this plan is to draft Frank Gore   :why_so_serious:


What the hell is your metric for fucking up? In the past 14 seasons they've only been under 10 wins once (2002, 9-7) and they've only missed the playoffs twice (2002, 2008). They've been to the Superbowl six times, winning four. Of their 12 playoff seasons, they've only been knocked out without at least one win twice.

I get that you have some festering hatred for Bill Belichek, but to describe this as fucking up is baffling. At the levels of the playoffs over this span most of the teams are fielding HOF QBs and other players; the man has achieved stupid amounts with often very raw talent.


In other news, Patrick Willis seems to have caught a really bad case of Religion from some prosperity gospel preacher and has retired, thus capping off the complete implosion of the 49ers. I'm sorry 49ers fans, this offseason has got to be rough.

We knew this last season was going to be it for a while.

You want me to give them a medal for dominating the AFC East? Because I won't do that. They basically got a free playoff spot a year minimum unless the AFC went completely insane like 2008. For 13 years. That's not just them being good, that's being top dog in a dumpster fire. Even now the best shot to unseat them is what? Buffalo? Good lord.

By fucking up I mean losing in the playoffs many times as a prohibitive favorite to inferior teams, and not winning since getting busted for spying. This was their best shot to prove it because Tom is almost done and the team has to retool again soon.

If he lost this year, they would have been described poorly by everyone, including many Boston fans for not living up to the hype. Is that fair? Well, nobody gives a shit about regular season titles, and NFL fans are greedy. He's a great coach, but don't get it twisted, this Super Bowl saved his legacy.

EDIT: I mean fuck, these are the articles you see about that division. http://www.weei.com/sports/boston/football/patriots/tim-benz/2015/03/09/because-tom-brady-even-worst-case-scenario-offse It's literally the worst division in the NFL, possibly in sports over the last decade.

I await your thoughts on Bobby Cox then.

I fall in the group of fans that wishes he would go away. I think he massively underachieved in the playoffs and with that lineup the Braves would have had 5 titles if it was Bruce Bochy today instead of Cox back then.

I respect his ability to win, but damn. The NL East was a floating joke for years. Atlanta fans still bring it up about how many divisions we won and I want to punch them.

Winning divisions even two years in a row is impressive. To do what Bobby Cox and Bill Belichek have done is fucking amazing. Hearing Braves fans run down Cox sickens me, then I remember how fucking shitty those fans are when they can't even fill up a stadium for a goddamn playoff game because they don't think a wild card playoff game is anything worth getting up about. Cubs fans would have killed for one shot in the goddamn World Series over the last two decades and Braves fans have the itch vag because they only won one of them. BOO-FUCKYOU-HOO.

I don't give a shit if the division is a dumpster fire. It's still impressive. It's not like they got into the playoffs at fucking 7-9 any of those years, it was a consistent 10-13 wins every year. Yes, he had a Hall of Fame QB for all those playoff years (the only one they didn't make the playoffs was the year that QB got hurt).

Cox is one of the top managers of all-time. He's a HOF, and I went to the ceremony in Cooperstown to watch him get inducted along with Maddux and Glavine.

I don't hate Cox, nor do I hate Belichick. They created amazing teams. But sports in America aren't defined by the regular season. If your vag is sandy over that, too fucking bad. It's never going to change. Nobody rates best sports towns in the long run how many divisions you won. They do it by titles. Both guys were getting heat from fans, media, and outsiders about not winning enough. It holds over Bobby to this day. It would have held over Belichick if he didn't win this year with the obvious best team in the AFC.

I'm happy for what Bobby did in Atlanta much like what Vince Dooley did at UGA. But that's one title over 20 years ago. One title in an entire city's history of professional sports. That's what people don't get. No other team in Atlanta has won anything.

Cubs fans can boo-fucking-hoo all they want, but the rest of Chicago has won titles more recently in a lot more sports. I mean for fucks sake they had the Bulls and the Blackhawks. Even the White Sox won more recently than the Braves. The City of Chicago can eat a dick if they want to complain about Atlanta wanting more championships. The city has like 17 in pro sports.

As for filling up playoff games? Take a look at the games after the run was over. In 2013, the Braves averaged 46,000 in the stands for both games. The media likes to hold is against the Braves because the building holds 50,000 people. Even though it's like 3rd biggest in the league. Yet when the Yankees didn't sell out their playoff games (http://sports.yahoo.com/news/no-show--yankees-try-to-disguise-empty-seats-at-alcs-by-moving-fans.html) they get a free pass because it's a great sports town, blah blah blah.

Yeah, but the Yankees suck monkey ass and have their cock firmly lodged in the media's mouth. So fuck the media.

Get this shitty sport out of the football thread, please.

Graham to the Seahawks. LULZ Saints.

Ngata to the Lions. OOOOKAY.

Supposedly the Eagles want to trade Foles for Bradford. Chip Kelly is secretly working for the Cowboys if that's true.

Falcons sign LBs Justin Durant and Brooks Reed.

I have no idea who these people are which fits perfectly with the Falcons. And one of them was a Cowboy.

I guess the Saints weren't satisfied with being second shittiest team in their division. This both helps Seattle a great deal (even though he'll likely miss 4-6 games each season) and it's not like they needed a lot of help.

The Eagles want to ship Foles off for... Sam "OW MY KNEES" Bradford?

(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1739972/web-images/ffs.png)

At least Ngata to the Lions makes SOME sense. He isn't nearly the player he once was, nor nearly the player Suh is, but he's probably the best replacement available that still gives them some cap room to add in areas they desperately need.

Didn't even see this story until now, but the Jake Locker era in Tennessee is over (http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/12456560/jake-locker-tennessee-titans-announces-retirement). Locker is to retire before he gets cut.  :why_so_serious:

Everybody out of that draft other than Cam was dogshit.

If Andre Johnson goes to the Colts that's going to piss some Houston folk off haaard

All sorts of other sports in mid or preseason and the NFL blows them all off the sports page in 5 minutes of transactions. Wow.

I am going to miss Unger, and REALLY going to miss the first round pick, but Graham is a goddamned monster. When he is healthy. I gotta hand it to Schneider and Carroll- they don't do things half-assed. I hope this works out better than Percy Harvin did.

Dude, you're consuming too much sports talk.

Even if the Pats were in a competitive division, they had the record to clinch a wild card in most of those years...  and they still went on to WIN playoff games.  If the Pats lost this year, there would be a bunch of chin-wagging about it but at the end of the day the Belicheck run produced 3 rings and a bunch more Super Bowl appearances that came down to a coin toss, along with a perfect season and overall an amazing record.  In a sport that is as flukey and any given Sunday as football, and somehow doing that in the cap era where your teams get sliced up every off-season, is amazing.

It's the same shit that gets thrown at Peyton for not winning more Superbowls.  It's talk radio fodder, and something for ESPN to beat to death.

The Patriots did not have a perfect season.

(http://i1094.photobucket.com/albums/i450/jmarko579/patriots-win-190.jpg) (http://s1094.photobucket.com/user/jmarko579/media/patriots-win-190.jpg.html)

Kelly is insane.  Bradford was done 2 years ago. Foles can't run his offense, but a guy with 2 ACL surgeries and a history of injury problems isn't going to do it either.

The only way the Eagles trade makes any sense in my head is if the Jets told Kelly they wanted Bradford instead of Foles in a package for the 6th pick.

Also, I'm pretty sure Kelly thought he was signing Gore when he let McCoy go. Now... lulz.

The only way the Eagles trade makes any sense in my head is if the Jets told Kelly they wanted Bradford instead of Foles in a package for the 6th pick.

Also, I'm pretty sure Kelly thought he was signing Gore when he let McCoy go. Now... lulz.

But that implies that Bradford is more valuable in such a package than Foles is, right?  I have said from the beginning that Foles was not what everybody thought he was in his debut season when he took over that offense, but Bradford is pretty much a dumpster fire.  As a Seattle fan, I am sad to see him go.  Foles is the more valuable commodity in just about everyone's opinion.  Except possibly Chip Kelly's.  No, I think he has some misplaced man-crush on Bradford.  And now haven't they gotten rid of all their WR talent AND their RB talent?  Or am I forgetting something?  The only fast paced anything Bradford is going to be pulling off in that offense is a fast track to injured reserve.  Or a fast track to the bench.

Also, he is probably going to over-pay for Byron Maxwell.  For anyone who watched a lot of the Seattle games, among the starters on that entire defense in their normal packages, he was the clear weak link.  I mean, he might indeed be an above average corner in this league, but it is pretty much a guarantee that he was made to look better than he was by the other people on that defense, and even then he was far from spectacular.

I wonder how Graham is going to fit in on Seattle.  From a pure chemistry point-of-view.  He strikes me as a prima donna (actually, he strikes me as a giant douche), and they have already had pre-game altercations with him, and then proceeded to make him their bitch during their last couple of games against the Saints.  I love the move from a football POV, but I still wonder.

The Chip-bots are already spouting the DONTPANICTHERESAPLAN! Party line.

I personally think the guy is an idiot who has too much control and he's going to get exposed for the college system asshole he is.

Let's not forget the Seahawk fans' reaction to the hiring of Pete Carroll in 2010. They thought Carroll was a terrible idea. 

American fans, for all their blathering, know little to nothing about American football. 

Ryan Fitzpatrick to NY Jets.  How many solid second string QBs have the Jets had over the past 5 years now?

I admit I was wrong about Carroll. I still think he is an unctuous cheerleader douche, but I give him (and John Schneider) a lot of credit for having a clear vision of what they want to do and then having the balls to go out and do it.

None.  :why_so_serious:

Fitzpatrick to the Jets sort of makes sense. He's still going to turn the ball over only slightly less than Geno Smith and if they draft Mariotta, he'll be a decent "role model" QB. And they paid less than a goddamn ham sammich for him, so why not?

While I think Nick Foles certainly overperformed in his 27/2 year, I still think he's a decent QB and could be decent in Philly. I think Bradford is a decent QB from the belly button up, but he's got to prove his knees are made of something stronger than tissue paper before I'd spend a pick on him, much less ship my starting QB out for him. I cannot for the life of me figure out what the fuck Kelly is doing. The only move that makes sense is adding talent to that defensive backfield because they were awful last year. Maxwell may have been the weak link in the Seahawks defense but that still makes him good enough to start for probably 28+ other NFL teams.

And he's the outlier. American fans have been right more than not about failed college coaches coming to the NFL. Jimmy Johnson is the other one.

Petrino, Spurrier, Saban, Switzer, Erickson, Butch Davis, Mike Riley, Rich Brooks, Greg Schiano, Lou Holtz, Lane Kiffin, Carroll failed with Patriots before too.

And then you can go into the 80s with some of the other coaches that are less known now. But still, the college jump fails more than it works. And it works even less if you try to do something really bizarre that has been tested and failed in the NFL.

Pete was a successful NFL defensive coordinator before he was a College head coach, though.

I think like QB's, coaches capable of not only holding a head coaching job in the NFL but SUCCEEDING in that job are few and far between. Even less so if you look at coaches that are also GM's in the salary cap era that can succeed. I think you have Belicheck and... yep, that's about it.

In 2-5 years time when both Manning and Brady have retired, Rodgers is approaching 36 and the end of his Green Bay contract, I don't see any QB that's currently in the league now having the kind of insane sustained success (regular and postseason) we've become used to with these HOF QB's. Maybe Andrew Luck if the owner doesn't continue to cheap out on the talent around him. The rest of the good ones are either on teams that can't get their heads out of their asses (Matt Ryan, Tony Romo), haven't proven able to win outside their system (Russell Wilson) or may be too inconsistent (Cutler, Cam).

I think the next crop of great HOF QBs are probably 5-10 years away from hitting the NFL. The college systems are pushing kids into these stupid non-pocket-passing-mobile-QB shit that doesn't play in the NFL. As such, until they stop running that, NFL people will have to get QBs from smaller schools or schools that run more pro-style sets.

And eventually college defensive guys will figure out how to beat it by recruiting faster, smarter, lighter guys who can pursue and contain. Then the offensive guys will switch back to heavier sets with more passing, and the dance will continue.

Ben Roethlisberger (though he's 2 years older than Rodgers) might be one if his body holds out. Matthew Stafford has a chance if the Lions can continue to improve.

I don't think the Rapist's body is going to hold out, but yes, he'd be one. Stafford is in the inconsistent category, as well as being on a team with head-in-ass syndrome.

NFL head coaches "fail" at a high rate regardless of whether they're college coaches or come out of the assistant ranks with no college time. I think it's a pretty meaningless distinction.

I think it's fair to say that, if we are looking at young QBs, only Andrew Luck appears to be great.  There are other young starters in the league who are probably fine.  But with Brady/Manning being at the top of the class for so long, and with Rodgers being the heir apparent, we've been spoiled for quite a while now.  I'm pretty young, but my NFL watching career transitioned pretty smoothly from Montana/Elway to Manning/Brady.  It just doesn't feel like we've got anyone on that caliber, besides Luck, waiting in the wings.

Depends on how they fail. Bad college coaches have tended to bust out entirely or head back to college. Bad NFL coaches get recycled back into the league it seems.

Andre Johnson to the Colts. Gets to play his old team twice a year. Well, his team will. He will blow his hamstring in accordance with his usual schedule.

Why would Indy get a second aging wideout? Does Reggie Wayne not spend enough time on the sidelines these days or did he retire?

He wasn't re-signed by the Colts. He did want to play one more year for them.

So they traded one aging set of hamstrings with the tensile strength of silly putty for a slightly less damaged version?

In the terminology of the QBs, I think the only "elite" coaches currently in the NFL are Belichek, Mike Tomlin, Mike McCarthy, John Harbaugh and... Maybe Sean Payton and Pete Carroll? I think it's too soon to consider Chuck Pagano, or Bruce Arians, and Tom Coughlin is a decent, but not elite coach; he's just lucky to be backed by an ownership that's incredibly patient.

*giggle*

Murray

*giggle*

to Philly

So, the master plan was "trade for Murray's old roommate".

OK.

I'm sure now he'll win a Super Bowl to make us all feel stupid and silly.  Until then..

(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/82533/headbongos.gif)

Getting DeMarco Murray in Philly is a good thing for them, and boy does it fuck the Cowboys hard. Still think Bradford was a terrible trade but we'll see.

Philly's retooling that O-Line I believe, and I wouldn't believe their QB is the threat. I don't expect Murray to be as productive in that scenario.

I agree. Murray is a really good back, but made waaaaaay better by a good run-blocking O Line in Dallas.  I would have considered McCoy a much better option in Philly's scheme.  Guess we'll see.  Still not a bad choice on Philly's part, either way (I say that without having a clue what it cost them).  Dallas better hope they can get AP.

Ray Rice is still available.  :why_so_serious:

I can tell you right now, if that happens I'm out for that season. I will not watch any team that hires that fuckhead.

Murray had 392 carries last year. That is all.

He won't get close to that again being in the same backfield as Mathews and Sproles.  Plus, he has less total carries over his career than McCoy has: 934 for Murray to 1461 for McCoy.  If we're going by carries.

And so the Pats have lost both Revis and Browner.  I guess they kept McCourty, but still.  That same team minus Browner and Revis would not have won the Superbowl, in my opinion.  Somebody might be outsmarting himself again.

http://fantasynews.cbssports.com/fantasyfootball/update/25105715/report-cowboys-sign-darren-mcfadden-to-two-year-deal

Darren McFadden to the 'Boys.   :ye_gods:

I'm sure he'll do fine for the first 6 games, after which he will sprain his vagina and manage 20 carries the rest of the season.

On the plus side, McFadden has shored up the fumble problems that plagued him in his early career.

On the downside, Murray missed 11 games in 4 years, while McFadden has missed 19 in that same stretch. That's half a season more.

However, he did put together a full season last year.

Unfortunately, it was only for 3.4 a carry and 2 TDs.

Still he's 27 years old and has only about 100 more carries than Murray in 3 more years.

Overall, it's going to show if the offensive line is the reason for success or if it was actually Murray. Because McFadden had a full season behind 4 new starters last season in Oakland.

TBF, I don't think McFadden was the feature back in Oakland last year. Then again, I just looked at the stats and saw he had twice as many carries as everyone else so... EWWWW. Latavius Murray was running behind that same O-Line and averaged 5.2 Y/C with half as many touches, so I'm leaning towards handing the Eagles the NFC East already, even despite all the bizarro moves Chip Kelly has made this season. Romo a year older, no Murray, a likely pissed-off Dez Bryant and a defense that got exposed in the second half of last season.

The problem with getting Oakland players is they might as well have been playing on the moon for all the fans that saw them.

If you put a gun to my head, I couldn't have named any of the receivers on Oakland, and I barely remembered the QB.

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/12477833/mike-wallace-traded-minnesota-vikings-miami-dolphins

To no one's surprise, Mike Wallace traded. To the Vikings no less...

It's no surprise the Dolphins wanted to get rid of him, but what is a surprise is that a team actually traded for him with that contract.

I'm also shocked they traded for him. But a 5th is nothing.

Well, the Vikings needed someone younger than Greg Jennings to stretch the field. And maybe Jennnings can impart some veteran wisdom. That starts to look like a good receiving corp if Bridgewater is any good.

And they released Jennings... Probably to be able to pay Wallace.

The NFLPA is the worst union in sports, headed by a fucking clown that somehow got reelected.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/redskins/raiders-sign-rb-trent-richardson/2015/03/17/3ad6bc5a-ccca-11e4-8730-4f473416e759_story.html

T-Rich to the Raiders... a running back so bad he was let go by the Browns.  :why_so_serious:

To be fair, the Browns at least got a first-round pick for him. Indy got less than 3.5 yards per carry.  :why_so_serious:

Chris Borland retires, citing risk of injuries (http://espn.go.com/espn/otl/story/_/id/12496480/san-francisco-49ers-linebacker-chris-borland-retires-head-injury-concerns)

Seems like a smart kid; looked at all the money he'd earn, looked at the shortened lifespan and risk of being mentally disabled, and decided to opt out.

More rough news for the 9ers though. Borland was one of the best rookies out of last year's draft.

I'm going to enjoy watching the Niners implode, should it come to pass as we suspect.

The only downside is that Jimmy boy ran for the hills.

I think it's almost a given the Niners will implode. Kap got exposed as a shitty pocket passer, they lost their workhorse runner, the only coach in the last 2 decades worth a shit (despite being a complete dickbag), and their defense is melting away like the Wicked Witch in a rainstorm. Their coach looks like a bull right after he's been killed by one of those brain punching boltguns - just utterly stunned and unable to comprehend the reality of the situation. They may well turn out to be the St. Louis Rams from the years before the Bradford draft.

Mooch was a good coach, it hasn't been 2 decades.

No, you're right, Mooch wasn't a bad coach, and he probably would have won more with a better front office that replaced aging vets with good players.

Cowboys are dangerously close to getting Greg Hardy. And I mean that with intent.

I hope they get him, since that means he didn't sign in Seattle. I don't want that asshole on my team.

Cowboys sign Hardy.

It may just be fanboys talking but I've seen a lot of posts on cowboyszone that bring enough "reasonable doubt" for me to accept this signing. It helps that the Cowboys defense is ass.  :why_so_serious:

Hardy's an ass, but the legal system has had their say on the issue both ways and there's no smoking video.

Do I believe him? No. Do I believe her story? Not really. I question when people bring civil suits and settle for criminal acts. That always smells like a payday to me.

In all likelihood he did threaten this girl. Beyond that, I don't know. I do know he can play football when he's on the field. If more comes out that he did actually beat on this girl, I'm writing him off as a shithead.

Even if you don't care about the Eagles and Sam Bradford, this is a great article about what NFL quarterbacks are expected to do...with GIFs!  I can almost hear John Madden narrating.

http://www.philadelphiaeagles.com/news/article-1/Eagle-Eye-Why-Sam-Bradford-Will-Thrive/53ab5112-b677-48db-9cae-f972f4ff2ec2

Kinda shocked there is that much tape of Bradford in the NFL.

It's competition committee time!

The Colts have proposed that teams in domes with retractable roofs be allowed to open them at halftime if they like. Doubt this will fly since it seems like it'd just be gamed for more of a home field advantage.

The Colts have also proposed that if teams are successful on a two point conversion, they get to have a shot at an extra point too from the 50, because who the fuck knows why?

The Ravens have proposed a rule change whereby players declaring ineligible would have to line up in the tackle box. Can't think what prompted that one

The Patriots have proposed that there be fixed sideline cameras on all boundaries of the game.

Lots of proposed changes to instant review. Full list here (http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2015/03/18/competition-committee-announces-2015-rule-proposals/)

annnd still the bullshit about what constitutes a catch is being pushed aside.  :uhrr:

The amount of sheer dumbfuckery on the rules committee agenda this year is staggering.

And yet still we have to deal with catches that shouldn't be catches, and things that are catches being called catches.

Yeah, I'm surprised the 'Boys didn't submit a change after Dez's catch in the playoffs.

To me, here's what a catch is. It's control in the air and your body hits the ground. If you still have control at that point and the ball isn't immediately loose? It's a catch. The controlling through the ground stuff we have in there is complete bullshit. To me a catch is two hands on the ball and a football move, or a knee on the ground. That's it.

What isn't a catch? The amount of sheer bullshit they've added to make things catches while the ball is actually TOUCHING THE GROUND. "Oh well that's a catch even if the ball moves" THE FUCK? That wasn't a catch years ago. You can't let the ground help you all of a sudden. All these low ball catches that get the benefit of the doubt are ridiculous. Throw the ball to the receiver, not as he's falling down all over the place trapping passes.

The list didn't look all that crazy beyond the "extra try" stuff.  I particularly like the protection of DB's on an interception. 

The possession rules would be solved, for the most part, by disallowing gloves and stick-em.  

Two hands on the ball is a non-starter.  This is not something easy to define with words even if most sensible people will agree on what constitutes a catch if they see it. A simple rule would lead to weird calls too.  Still, I will try.

How about "if the ball is grabbed from the air by one or two hands and does not touch the ground before the player" most of us would consider that a catch and Dez's catch would be a touchdown since his feet touched the ground - sealing the catch action - before he reached for the goal line.  

I think a simple rule like that would be easy to officiate.  Let the refs decide what constitutes a "grab".

In order of crazy to me:

1 - The extra try - we're not the arena league.
2 - Allow penalties to be challenged - This is crazy, why have officials? So many penalties are completely subjective. We're going to review a facemask? The games are already 4 hours.
3 - Allow coaches to challenge personal fouls - Yeah because coaches are completely rational about what does and doesn't constitute a subjective call. This is like challenging spots.
4 - Review a whole bunch of other shit - Again, we're getting close to reviewing every play and every action on the field. You might as well just remove officials, have every play go through a review, and then okay it after 5 minutes. The games will be like cricket and last a few days with a beer interval.
5 - More challenges - Here's an idea, no challenges. Limit the reviews to turnovers and boundary plays. Otherwise the call on the field stands, and the play is reviewed by the booth.
6 - If an eligible player reports as an ineligible receiver to the referee, he must align within the tackle box. - cry fucking more Ravens. You got beat by Belichick because you're dumb. Live with it.

Things that don't bother me:

Jersey rules, the defensive play thing, pushing players, peelback blocks, RB chop blocks.

Things I actually like:

1 - Two possessions in OT - Someone please just do this. I love the college OT. Just do it from the 50 in the NFL and call it a day. The NFL rules are still so so dumb.
2 - Put cameras everywhere on the boundaries - The fact they haven't done this already is just because the NFL is a bunch of money-grubbers. The incremental cost is nil to getting boundary calls right, which are some of the most important calls in the sport.

1. I agree

2. I see as a non issue in most cases if coaches are limited to 2 challenges per half.  If they want to use it for a penalty like a 50 yd PI call, I can see this as a useful change.

3. See #2

4. I tend to agree with you in terms of slowing the game down even more.  I stopped watching baseball when pitchers began delaying to the point of absurdity.  I imagine I'd do the same with football. 

5. I agree.  They don't need more challenges.

6. I actually like the idea of ineligible receivers being forced in the tackle box.  Players already have a ton to manage mentally during the heat of a game. 

This. HOLY FUCK, THIS. The fact that the NFL hasn't mandated this despite shitting up the games with a bazillion boundary/replay calls a game is a fucking travesty, especially when you make every fucking scoring play automatically reviewed.

If the NFL didn't think they were such fucking special snowflakes, they'd take a look at rugby union's use of the TMO (television match officials) and how the officials talk to each other. The refs are mic'ed up and all conversations between them are heard on the TV. If the ref feels he wants a review, he calls up to the TMO who reviews it as well as showing the review in stadium. No need for coach's challenges. It's all very open and transparent.

https://twitter.com/ESPNNFL/status/578585257949208576


 :oh_i_see:

Well, to be fair, Peyton Manning is a massive brain built on a Scarecrow frame while Trent Richardson is a huge pile of crap. 

Trent Richardson might not be the worst RB of all time, but he's certainly the worst that's seen a ton of carries. I saw a stat the other day which suggested he had the lowest YPC for any RB with more than 300 touches

As to the challenging of other things/everything - the CFL actually implemented challenging PI calls this year which I thought would be a total disaster. It actually went pretty smoothly. The interesting point was that they only 17 of 55 challenges on PI were successful. And only 55 challenges out of 162 games in the season isn't much.

I'd like to see the success rate on challenging spots, but I'd guess it's similar to that 17-55. If 70% of the time the call is going to stand up, I consider it a waste of time to challenge. That means that 70% of the time we just wasted at least 5 minutes debating something that's at best subjective.

Looks like SF cut Jonathon Martin. http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/12564071/jonathan-martin-waived-san-francisco-49ers

Bullying likely not involved. Just the fact he's not a great football player.

Cowboys just traded DMF and their 1st rounder for convicted child abuser Adrian Peterson. Good...I can root for the Vikings now.

Unless this is a shitty April Fool's joke. Will investigate further.

Has to be fake. ESPN has been waiting to pounce on a Peterson deal since the Super Bowl... They would be the first to crack this if not the first major outlet to report it.

Yeah I can't find it anywhere else than the original source.

Who is DMF?

Darren McFadden, whom they just picked up.  McFading, more like.

Oh right, I missed that trade and wikipedia doesn't seem to have listed on their roster yet (which makes sense I guess)

I think he is going to have a nice year if he stays remotely healthy. The Cowboys O-line is pretty fucking good.

He's played all 16 games exactly once in his career (and only carried 155 times in that season.) Granted, it was last year.

Yep...that is why I hedged. Although I think a lot of Oakland players are on the injury report as Questionable: Broken Spirit.

Best Deadspin comment about the new Browns unis:

Anything to take away from this coming season's misery.

(http://i.imgur.com/ksL6J9H.jpg)

 :why_so_serious:

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/12723790/tim-tebow-philadelphia-eagles-reach-contract-agreement

Confirming Chip Kelly is insane.

Wait... what? What the fuck? You couldn't trade your 3rd string probably never start an NFL game in his career again QB to make room for TEBOW, then you sign Tebow anyway?

Goddamn, I look forward to watching the Eagles literally spontaneously combust this season.

Well, his competition is Butt Fumble and the Ghost of Sam Bradford's ACL.  He could be the perfect fit for that offense, predicated on the idea that you don't have to complete more than 40% of your passes to succeed in the NFL. 

Probably what will happen is the same thing that happened to him last year, or whenever it was that the Patriots had him in camp.  He'll get cut before the regular season.  And if not, I will enjoy watching the show.

Second coming.

So the Eagles now have five quarterbacks on the roster.

I love this. I love everything about what the Eagles are doing. If I wasn't so certain that Chip Kelly has a god-complex, I'd assume he was tanking to get fired.

I can only imagine that if they keep Timmy, he'll be used as some hybrid running back/tight end. I can't see him being a QB, even in some 'wildcatesque' scheme.

Chip Kelly is playing the NFL as if it's Fantasy Football.

Tebow refused to be anything other than a QB in the past, so him being a hybrid anything seems unlikely.

My first thought was that Kelly watched Major League in the offseason and decided he wanted to get the team moved to Hawaii or Vegas.

Alternatively, QB tryouts will now be Thunderdome.

Very true. But he also talked about himself as a football player. Maybe his time off made him realize no one was going to hire him for it and he reconsidered his restrictions.

QBs are football players too, last I checked. So, I'm not really sure that indicates anything other than his desire to play in that professional field, and specifically in his chosen postion, QB.

Ever since he came into the league people have ruminated about this, but he always barks about wanting to only play QB. I don't see anything changing.

So the draft is going on... Do the Raiders ever draft defense? I mean really...  :ye_gods:

The ghost of Al Davis picks a wide receiver again...

Cowboys pick another DB, which is fine because that area is awful.

Really do not understand that football team. They have every top flight DL on the board and they pick a WR (although the best rated WR - not the speediest). I get that they want a weapon for Carr, but really? Really wonder if Del Rio was twisting in the wind when they took Cooper. Gotta believe Mack is pretty disappointed in having to do everything again this coming season.

Watched my Browns actually make some pretty smart safe picks. Still think they are fuckstupid not selecting a WR in the first round, but I can't argue with Shelton. Irving (sic) bolsters an already pretty good OL and with Mack in a contract year, it made sense in the long term but they are obviously not shooting for the moon this season. No QB and a cobbled together receiver core is not going to win much unless that run game takes off and the team starts stopping the run. Day 2 should be interesting.

The Colts picked a WR. Yes because THAT's the problem with your team. Instead their rivals the Pats get the best run stopper left on the board. hahahahahah.
Oakland drafts another WR? Some teams will never learn.

The theory behind not drafting a WR in the first round  is that the position simply doesn't get enough touches to justify using such a high value pick. A good WR will have 8-10? catches in a game? Lineman play every down, even tight ends are more useful as they can block. If you don't have a line that can block and a QB that can throw the ball then a great WR is somewhat useless. Not that WR's are useful , they're just not that useful.

That was what, 3 WR's and 2 RB's in the first round? I was under the impression there weren't really that many good prospects at those positions.

Packers draft a safety and I'm not even sure why. That's not a position of glaring need where ILB is now that they let A.J. Hawk go. They said the kid was a cover safety so I'm guessing he'll be a nickel and dime package guy but you give up a first rounder for that? Could he have been had in the 2nd round and maybe you trade the pick for extra picks? I don't know, just seemed weird. It was kind of a boring draft - not really a lot of surprises or any big-time trades.

Winston and Mariotta better get used to fucking losing. I look forward to watching Lovie Smith's offense have no fucking idea how to utilize Winston's abilities in any meaningful way.

Actually it was 6 WRs in the first round, including a couple massive reaches.  Granted I'm no talent scout, but I'd take Jalen Strong over Breshad Perriman or Dorsett.   Guy has all of the physical tools and he produced.

It's actually a loaded WR class, and GMS have fallen back in love with getting WRs early due to how well most of them did last year.

Cardinals got an OT.  Smart move.

Running backs and, to a lesser degree, wide receivers are a dime a dozen.  You can usually get a good one later on.  Why anyone would waste a 1st round pick on one that isn't OMFGWTF awesome is beyond me.

Ted Wells report is out.

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2015/05/06/ted-wells-more-probable-than-not-patriots-manipulated-balls/

TL;DR: Tom Brady cheated and lied about it.

I found the text message exchange between the equipment guys particularly funny:


Full report here: https://nfllabor.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/investigative-and-expert-reports-re-footballs-used-during-afc-championsh.pdf

Wow.

They actually have documented evidence that the guys were doing exactly what we thought, AND they reference conversations with Brady.

But of course, the Super Bowl champs will have nothing happen to them because they are the darling franchise of the NFL.

So Tom Wells spends how much time and money saying what everyone else knew, almost no one gave a shit about and which will likely lead to fuckall for real accountability.

The reason an investigation like this takes place is because the NFL makes everyone so much money. They know (or think they know) that fans will demand a level playing field and rule violations are not looked upon kindly. They are protecting their cash cow, even if they are doing so in a small way.

I just find the whole thing hilarious. I guess the equipment guys weren't very happy about doing it and Brady was paying him off with signed jerseys and footballs. It also looks like Brady was getting nervous and trying to cover up because he suddenly started communicating with the equipment guy way more often than he did previously.


I just imagine Brady doing a mafia style shakedown on the guy.

Yep, pretty much.  No one gives a shit about the amount of air in footballs. The language they are using with this "more probable than not" thing is also going to make whatever case they have seem really weak too.  

But honestly, no one is going to be talking about this after tomorrow.

Well in principle, it's a pretty big fucking deal. Regardless of how trivial it sounds, it's a major MVP level star, one of the faces of the entire game of football, being caught blatantly and willfully cheating, paying off guys to help him cheat as well as cover up the cheating. So in principle, it ought to come close to approaching the level of seriousness of something like PED's, or Pete Rose betting on baseball. Not because it makes a huge material change in Brady's performance but because it's cheating.

But as I said, it's the MVP face of the sport dude. He won't miss a game. He won't get suspended. He might have to pay a trivial fine and the Pats won't lose any draft picks or suffer more than a slap on the wrist fine.

Also, fuck the owner for being a douche. He should actually apologize to Goddell for being such an arrogant toolbag back when the story first broke. That likely won't happen either.

If ANYTHING comes of this, I might actually have a heart attack and die, Fred Sanford style.

Except I don't care about PEDs, and only barely Pete Rose - and it's long enough ago that I think it's time to give Pete a break.

Maybe I'm just cynical, but I'm just assuming teams are bending or breaking rules whenever they can.   Is it really that much more cheating than say, a guy who figures out a way to hold on every play and not get called most of the time?  But then, I don't really care if there is harsh punishment either.  Suspend Brady, vacate the super bowl for all I care - the game was great to watch either way.  Something like this that is within the realm of football - a totally inconsequential form of escapism - bothers me SO MUCH less than say, the Ray Rice stuff.  That's an actual scandal that matters.

I think New England should have to play the last 30 seconds of the Super Bowl over again.  :awesome_for_real:

You know Pete Carrol still wouldn't run the fucking ball, right?  :why_so_serious:

The whole season of 2014 should be stricken from the books. It was awful on so many levels. Domestic violence, drugs, scandals, murder cases, people bitching about cheating, deflategate, the Patriots winning, Roger Goodell basically proving he's bulletproof.

Fuck it all. Just start over next year with less stupid.

Oh and I can't wait for the Seahawks to overpay their QB and break that team in half. I'm tired of them already.

As beloved as he is by many of the idiot fans here, I don't think he would get out alive.

Haven't both Cleveland and Atlanta been dinged for some form of cheating since the Superbowl? Any other team and no one gives two shits. That being said, fucking delete your texts people. Duh.

2015 should be much more enjoyable. Without Revis and Browner the Pats defense is going to go back to being a repeat of 2009-2013.

No, I'm pretty sure 2015 is going to be the year of the rape, as #1 draft pick Jameis Winston finally finds a victim who will testify.  :oh_i_see:

Don't worry, the Seahawks picked a guy that will beat her up so she is afraid to testify.  :oh_i_see:

First ACL of the year; Dante Fowler Jr is out for the season with a torn ACL, poor kid.

The jags can't catcha break

And the second ACL of the year, Denver rookie TE Jeff Heuerman.  What are the chances this is the year when Peyton really falls apart. 

Peyton's body couldn't hold up through 16 games plus post season last year, and he hasn't got any younger. The man is still nigh-incomparably talented at his position, but he's at the point where his body just can't keep up. With this ACL, the loss of his coaching staff, and a fairly underwhelming bunch of offseason moves I can't see how Denver can hope to improve, they'd be doing well to even match their last two years production. I think their only saving grace is that the rest of their division didn't exactly light it up this offseason either. Nonetheless, I could see SD or KC taking the division from them, and if they do I think Denver could struggle to even get a wild card slot given the potential from other teams in the AFC. Pats and Jets are both looking very strong, Ravens and Steelers too, and while the Colts should walk the AFCS, I could see Houston possibly contending for a wildcard.

Four games for Tom Brady, the Pat's first round pick in 2016, and fourth round pick in 2017, and $1M.

Seems pretty overkill for something most commentators are viewing as dumb but not really a big deal.

I'm guessing it'll get appealed down somewhat.

Brady will get knocked down to 2 games on appeal. Not sure about the rest.

It's really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but don't break the rules and then lie about it.

I'm shocked he got more than 2 games. Yeah, it'll probably get knocked down to 2. It was a pretty stupid offense to get busted for but his attempts to cover it up and the unwillingness to go along with the investigation might mean he actually has to serve the full thing. A first round draft pick though? That might be a bit harsh, though again, the league could point to a pattern of cheat-y behavior dating back to Spygate or whatever the fuck they called that thing.

Seems awfully high for something they a) can't actually prove, b) probably didn't help, and c) nobody got hurt.

The league said the penalties were for "violating league rules and not cooperating fully in the investigation". I think that the Patriots having a history with this made the penalty harsher. They also suspended the two equipment guys indefinitely without pay which is total bullshit. They were just following orders from Brady.

The fact that the Patriots were basically statistically 50% less likely to fumble the ball over the last few years than the next team leads me to think that it did actually make a difference.

I can't for the life of me see why the league allows each team to have their own special balls. Both teams should be using the same batch of footballs set to whatever the regulation pressure is.

Brady and Manning pushed for the change in rules to allow teams to provide their own balls. Prior to that, it was the home team.

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2015/01/22/brady-pushed-for-rule-to-let-visiting-team-provide-own-footballs/

Kinda hoping Kraft goes full Al Davis here and starts suing the NFL and shit. Should be fun.

Fuck the Patriots, and fuck Brady for lying. If he came out and said he encouraged guys to take the balls as far as they could within the limits, he'd be fine. Because they'd have to prove texts about the balls were about going outside the limits, and there's no way they could do that.

But he panicked, as liars do, and just started lying harder. He deserves the suspension for being stupid if nothing else.

The Patriots organization as a whole is a bunch of smarmy dicks. They finally got caught with no wiggle room, and their special butt-boy status with Gooddell couldn't save them. I feel no remorse for them finally getting tagged after years of dodging the rules.

I love how amped up you appear to be about this. It's so damned boring and I can't believe this is getting so much attention 5 month's later.  Whatever, Brady out 4 games.  At least this stupid story is eating up the offseason now, instead of the week before the Super Bowl.

Why wouldn't I be amped? Remember, it's not about the actual act, it's about lying. The Patriots lie when they wake up. It's so natural to them that politicians go, damn son, might want to dial it back.

I'm glad they finally got a boot in the ass for the systemic bullshit they pull. And the first round pick is real issue more than anything. They can go 0-4 to begin the season and still probably win that QB-depressed trainwreck of a division.

And players act incredulous and insist they didn't just commit that holding penalty right before we see that they did it in crystal clear HD slow motion replay. 

You know the difference between on field penalties and intentionally, systematically trying to gain an advantage before the game starts. You're not dumb.

Both are examples of ignoring the rules to gain an advantage. The difference is mainly in scale. I have no problem with the penalty or punishment because I realize that this is as much a penalty for the Patriots long term "fuck you, we do what we want" attitude as it is anything. The presumption is that they've been doing this long term and I think that plays into the punishment.

The actual example I'd use is something like using a stick with too much curve in hockey. It's a deliberately gaining an advantage by intentionally using illegal equipment.  If you get caught with that it's a two minute penalty just like roughing or hooking or slashing.  You aren't suspended, your team doesn't lose draft picks.  The Patriots could have gotten a 15 yard penalty to start the second half of the Colts game.

And hockey handles that the wrong way in my mind. If you get caught with illegal equipment that shouldn't be a slap on the wrist penalty. But the reason it is a slap on the wrist is because they all realize the rule is completely antiquated to stop shots going at a goalie's unmasked face, and they are too lazy to rewrite the rules. Most hockey fans would admit this.

A better example is corking the bat in baseball. The rule says it's a mandatory ejection from the game, and then later in a guy like Sosa's case, he was suspended for 8 games. That's basically 5% of the games. But that was after Sosa turned over all his bats and they came back clean, and after he openly apologized with the excuse that it was a BP bat for fun. It would have been much worse if he stonewalled and acted like a dickhead.

I mean, fine. I'm not really disagreeing with you on any point except for that this whole thing has taken up WAY too much of our collective time already.  I also cynically believe that basically all teams are stretching the rules at all times to try and gain any advantage they can.  In something so inconsequential as sports I just do not care.

I don't disagree that it takes up time, but you can't throw your hands up and say everyone is doing it so don't punish them harshly, especially when they went out of their way to lie about it and then had the gall to demand a formal apology from the NFL. I mean, really?

The key is that you're dealing with stuff the directly affects the game on the field. If fans start to honestly believe the game is rigged, or that the game isn't fair, or that the league won't police itself? They'll stop watching the product.

I'd point out the fact that Brady's stats between home and away games don't really show a difference of an advantage, but you have a thing for the Pats so I'll just sit back and watch....

The NFL WANTS this story. This is a good story for them. They get to show they WILL punish their golden boy face of the sport for cheating. That way, they don't have to deal with the very uncomfortable specter of the #1 draft pick and new face of the NFL/franchise Jameis Winston being dragged into civil court for rape.

Well for one thing almost every top QB has a large difference between home and away QB rating, so I'm not sure what you mean. I don't think you can say this didn't play a part in what happened in the field because...

If it's no big deal why bother with this? Why go through it, send texts about it, complain to people about it, demand your equipment staff do it, pay them off with bribes, and then lie repeatedly about it when asked? When asked, every NFL QB would tell you a less inflated ball is easier to throw and catch.

Or rather, here's some science http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2015/01/20/378581349/scientists-say-the-nfls-deflate-gate-isnt-all-hot-air

It's clearly an advantage.  Although if deflating the ball a little leads to that much of a higher quality team, I'd say the NFL should just lower the PSI standard, because I'd rather watch Patriot quality football than the Browns v. the Bengals. :why_so_serious:

Clearly that advantage was lost in the second half of the colts game  :why_so_serious:

http://mmqb.si.com/2015/05/11/dante-fowler-jaguars-tom-brady-deflategate-nfl-peter-king/

Yeah, he's a Pats homer, but the numbers on the front page do tell a story, or lack of. Not much of a difference in the passing numbers for Brady home vs away.

I guess I don't see why there would be a difference. He can bring his own balls to an away game.

This.  :oh_i_see:

Brady has yet to bring balls to any game. :grin:

I believe the point is with the lack of a ball boy at away games that could possibly scamper off with them. The balls are only handled by home team personnel and officials. Thus negating the deflating factor.  :why_so_serious:

Giselle keeps them in a box.

What this all boils down to is that it's the Patriots. Any other team and no one cares anywhere near as much.

Case in point:

http://espn.go.com/blog/minnesota-vikings/post/_/id/11218/nfl-aware-of-game-ball-incident-during-panthers-vikings

It's entirely because it's the Patriots. People feel they have been getting away with crap for years

They aren't appealing.


https://twitter.com/BreakingNews/status/600712248152166403

Edit: The NFLPA still moving forward.


https://twitter.com/AlbertBreer/status/600711840021270528

So Kraft accepts it because he knows Goodell will give Brady a break on the 4 game suspension?

Honestly, the draft pick hit probably hurts more medium to long term than the fine or the suspension does.

A lot worse. That division is a trainwreck. I've said it before but the Pats can go 0-4 and still make the playoffs there.

I don't know, this year might actually be stiffer than usual for the Pats. The Bills still lack anything resembling a viable offense, while having arguably one of the best defenses in the league. The jets on the other hand are looking pretty scary, their only position of weakness is QB, and while that's a big fucking hole, the amount of talent they've stockpiled across both sides of the ball is pretty impressive. The dolphins aren't complete, although they've done well to lock up Tannehill (who I think will be a solid starter for them for years to come, potentially maturing to be an Eli Manning, Joe Flacco level player) and they've beefed up on defense. They're not going to compete for the division yet, but they're not going to roll over either. They need to ditch Philbin too, and get someone else in.

The Pats will still be great, but they're not looking great in the secondary, although I expect BB to work his usual magic and Tom Brady will reliably pull 2-3 wins out of his arse.

You don't regularly win a division with a non-functional QB. The odds are so stacked against it. Just because the Jets and Bills have decent other elements to their teams, that key part is still bad, and that key part is 50% of the battle on an NFL team.

Miami is the only team that solved the QB issue, and their coaching is a greasefire. Buffalo is going to deal with the offense that only Rex Ryan could love. The Jets are the Jets, they'll fuck it up because that's what they do.

Pats glide to 9-10 wins and get the division.

Clady out for the season. Assume the position, Peyton.

Saw this on cracked today and thought it was relevent here

(http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/9/6/2/415962_v1.jpg)

Could have picked a better matchup...

Yeah, that reeks of wanting it to fail.

So what if it is blacked out in those home towns because (reasons)? Can they NOT stream it? So confused...mainly about those blackout rules.

Blackout rules are stupid in general. However, I'm pretty sure Yahoo way overpaid for that "opportunity." The networks were probably all like... really? Bills/Jags? ENJOY!

Will NFL RedZone have it? That is all that matters.

Wait, you think there'll be touchdowns?  :why_so_serious:

RedZone shows field goals if there is nothing else happening....so you might see one of the 6 field goals kicked in that game.

The NFL no longer has a blackout rule. At least for now.

I honestly think the Bills are the sleeper this year instead of Miami in that division.

From the article I read, Yahoo has exclusive rights to all places except the home markets of the teams. So Sunday Ticket, RedZone, etc. won't be able to show it.

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/13153798/nfl-seeks-temporary-venue-los-angeles-market-2016-season

Speaking of San Diego... http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2015/07/02/antonio-gates-suspended-four-games-for-ped-violation/

Trippy's gonna get you for all those naked links.

I hope St. Louis doesn't sell a single ticket this year. They've all but moved. Fans should just boycott this season and let them eat the cost.

I'm not the one who cares about those things :awesome_for_real:

Also you can tell what it's about by the slug.

I get yall mixed up.  :why_so_serious:

So the Giants pull a $60M offer from JPP, and now apparently he's had his right index finger amputated after blowing his hand up with fireworks on July 4th. He's not letting the Giants medical team see him in hospital either.

I'm pretty sure an index finger, while not vital, is pretty important to a DE.

At least he didn't vaporize his head like somebody else did recently.

Is that a fireworks reference or a getting shot in the head reference? Because I really can't tell anymore.

Somebody launched a fireworks mortar off of his head recently. That did not go well.

And another shot one off his chest.  :ye_gods:

In other news, any catch the latest Tim Tebow (http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-football/25235343/russell-wilson-says-god-spoke-to-him-and-explained-super-bowl-interception) articles (http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-football/25234446/russell-wilson-knew-he-wanted-to-date-ciara-is-practicing-abstinence)?

 :why_so_serious: :why_so_serious: :why_so_serious:

I would argue that it went fine. It probably looked really fucking cool, and it removed sub-optimal genes from the pool. Win/Win.

The comments on those articles are  :uhrr: and  :grin:

It makes me happy inside that a majority of the comments are mocking him.   

Hand the ball off. Bang Ciara.  God don't care.

(http://www.quickmeme.com/img/35/35d182fa098247cc173f58c511cca56bbc59c9bcf17cfe5cebcd9b9a494e5a0a.jpg)

As if I couldn't hate Russell Wilson more, he comes out with this nonsense.

It makes no sense to talk about it unless you're trying to make a point. He's gunning for money and he's trying to position himself as this holier than thou character because he's really an average QB trying to make Superstar money on the backs of his defense and running game.

I loathe him.

EDIT: To clarify he's either the most boring human being alive who is blessed with being a position many men would envy and totally wasting his time, or he's a complete cock-knocker phony who has the best media spin in the game as he tries to play high-road-hard-ball with the Seahawks. Either one of those makes me dislike the man.

He might also be a literal crazy person who thinks god talks to him about the result of football games.

Well... fuck. I have no words.

You just described over half of the US.

No no, half the US wonder why God hates their team, not that God talks to them.

This is precisely why rooting for Russell Wilson weirds me out. He is like a Jesus robot. No one is that perfect. He has some MASSIVE skeletons in his closet. Stepford QB ftl.

Us Cleveland fans don't wonder. We just know.

Well, that's easy. Everyone hates Cleveland.

It has begun.

Deadspin's Why Your Teams Sucks 2015 (http://deadspin.com/tag/why-your-team-sucks-2015).

Oh man I love these

(http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--oHDMSOQj--/1349338838676040296.gif)

VS.

(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/82533/buttfumble.gif)

FIGHT.

That article was great and I had never seen that play because I already turned the game off because Oregon was utterly destroying FSU in the first half.  :why_so_serious:

Thank you, deadspin.

Oh man it's so true.  :rock_hard:

Yeah, I don't even particularly like or dislike Winston other than the whole might have raped multiple women and got away with it thing. I just boggle at how much effort the NFL and the Bucs have gone through to try to whitewash his past, over a talent that quite possibly won't even remotely be NFL caliber. Physical skills, sure, he's got all that. Physical skills haven't really helped RGIII now have they? If this kid is throwing 18 picks to COLLEGE defenders, and not even in a conference known for its defense like the SEC, how many picks is he going to throw in the NFL? Just on turnovers alone, he may end up being worse than Geno Smith and Ryan Leaf put together.

All these teams keep trying to find the next Mike Vick without really thinking about what that means. Vick had maybe 3-4 really good years, and the rest are disasters full of INT's and fumbles, injuries trying to escape the pocket or vacations at the behest of the state.  :why_so_serious:

College isn't producing NFL style QBs anymore because they don't run NFL systems. That's the dirty secret the NFL doesn't want to admit, so you end up with them shoving round pegs into square holes over and over.

Oddly that was probably Winston's problem too.

Yeah but Winston actually is playing in a system that was way closer to the NFL than Mariota. Hence the Bucs gambled on someone more in tune with the system than higher moral character.

The hilarious thing about that though? In the biggest games he's almost never under center

I went back to watch the first half of the 2014 National Championship they won. You know how many plays he was under center in that half? Three. You know how many he dropped back and pass of those three? Zero.

He was in a gun all half, and the hilarious thing was they were telegraphing plays. If he was in the gun it was a pass. If it was under center it was a run. Auburn was keying on everything, and that's why they got up to a quick 21-3 lead. It wasn't until FSU faked a punt, and then started going run out of the gun, that FSU scored the first TD of that half. Otherwise? They lose that game going away easy.

But when I look at Winston, I don't see an under center drop back passer. I see a guy that in his two biggest stages (which the NFL is an even bigger stage than a national championship against greater talent), a guy that relied on his athletic ability to stage big second half comebacks. In the first game it worked, in the second, he got annihilated.

This Raiders one is gold.

These are all fantastic. It's probably my favorite thing he does all year!

From the Jaguars:


I'm loving this shit.  :why_so_serious:

First Female Coach Hired by an NFL Team (http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/13328608/jen-welter-hired-arizona-cardinals-assistant-coach)

Awesome. I don't care if she bombs, at least somebody had the guts to try something different. And in Arizona, no less.

I can only imagine some of the reactions to this. Good on the Cards.

Still pretty sure Arians is a cretin, but I will give him one free gaffe without shitting on him for this move. Props.

My reaction is I think it's a publicity stunt. I've always thought of football as the one sport where female coaches would make less sense due to the fact that so few women play it professionally or in college, unlike basketball, baseball (softball), hockey, or soccer.

I don't think she's "taking a job from a man" or some of the other stupid shit I've heard from people. She's walking knowingly into a league of macho idiots playing a dangerous game at the highest level, and she's got experience coaching and playing. She's a rare unique person in that regard who is fit for the job. I have no illusions that female coaches in the NFL will become the norm simply because there's no feeder system at the youth or NCAA levels to encourage that. Nor do I believe we will ever see a female player other than special teams in the league, because they would be murdered.

Hell, roided up guys get murdered in that game.


I read the "fans" section on the Redskins and it was actually like reading person after person slitting their wrists on paper about their team. Bloody heck.

I tried to grab some training camp tickets. Sold out in 45 seconds.

That's probably the most honestly damning thing about RG I've ever heard in such a short paragraph.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/dc-sports-bog/wp/2014/11/19/chris-cooley-rgiii-was-so-bad-i-cant-assess-the-rest-of-the-redskins-offense/

I'd never read this before, but holy shit READ THIS IMMEDIATELY. Chris Cooley just goes line by line and coldly assassinates RGIII with no malice. It's not about him personally at all, it's about how shitty his play was and how mind-numbingly awful it is to be his coach.


I've NEVER heard a QB talked about like this before. Never. Certainly not one that's so highly touted on the front end. Even Cam Newton doesn't get this level of critique, and he gets it on all sides.

Very interesting read. I think the injury his rookie season (and then being asked to play on it, which made it a ton worse) destroyed any semblance of confidence he had. Either he is not bright, or he is scared to death, or (most likely) a combination of the two. I don't wish him ill, but if he is going to fail spectacularly, I couldn't be happier that he is playing for Daniel Snyder. Because fuck him to death.

Making him play on the injury was the first mistake, because he was fucking ELECTRIC before he got hammered. The offense they had installed for him in those first 10 or so games was simple, had lots of bubble screens and safe throws and chances for him to read the field and do his thing. Once he got hurt, then hurt AGAIN playing in a playoff game against a team even good, healthy QB's struggle against, that ruined him. I'm sure he's constantly got the yips, expecting his line to get him killed. He probably had coaches wrapping him in wool and telling him not to run because if he runs, he's going to get hit and then the questions will be about why the coaching staff was putting the franchise at risk. So his natural instinct is to run, he's being told to limit the running so he's intensely afraid of getting injured and ruining his career which means he's afraid of getting hit AND of running (and thus getting hit) so his only thought process is "GET RID OF THE BALL BEFORE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG!!!!!!" He's scared shitless and probably doesn't even know it. That Cooley piece shows his reads are all over the place which leads me to believe he's reading in panic instead of any sort of game plan.

And then they go and switch up OC's on him like what, two, three times now? I feel bad for the kid. Bad coaching decisions, the NFL pressure cooker, a shitlord owner that might as well be sitting on a fucking plantation porch sipping mint julips and all that have just ruined what could have been a spectacular talent.

Tom Brady's suspension upheld at 4 games.

This will go well.

Tom Brady could eat every dick from every mammal that ever lived and it still wouldn't be enough. Fuck him and fuck Belichick to death.

Amen to that. Superfuck Tom Brady and the Pats.

Also, the Deadspin Why Your Team Sucks for the Bears had me in tears.

He destroyed his phone. That doesn't eliminate your test record, Tom. You fucking dumbass. I really hope he goes to court so those become public record. And then they can subpeona everyone's phone records on the coaching staff and the equipment staff.

Oh man it'll be glorious.

According to one report he actually did that already, provided a list of all the people he contacted with dates and times of texts. The NFL said 'fuck that , its too hard for us to go track them down from the other end'. Take it for what its worth.

In more fun news  Robert Kraft is a liiiiiiitle bit annoyed at the league. (http://www.boston.com/sports/football/patriots/2015/07/29/bdc-kraft/kPEeuslw6wjtXb4CHNf1BK/story.html?p1=feature_pri_hp)

I still wonder if the whole things is a WWE style PR episode by the NFL to keep them in the headlines for the entire off-season.

Why won't this story die.  I thought the end of the appeal would just be the end of it one way or the other.  Sorry Tom, you lost.  Can we all move on with our lives now?

No, we must now make it a (literal) Federal case. The league and the team are  paying for it, not Tom, so why not fight until there's no more appeals.  :awesome_for_real:

Why would you want it to die? Patriot fans get to act all aggrieved, the rest of the country gets to hate on the Pats some more. This story is the gift that keeps on giving. The NFL contacted police in Maine today to make sure no one vandalized Goodell's 6.3 million dollar vacation home in Scarborough.  :grin:

Deadspin did the Falcons. And man, it's all true. Right down to the Magic City working asshole stadium

That was the first pictures I've seen of Atlanta's entirely unnecessary stadium. That's got to be an Arthur Blank self-portrait right?

It's the worst thing to happen to Atlanta since 75/85 merged.

Pretty much all the worst things in Atlanta seem to revolve around the traffic.  :why_so_serious:

Actually I blame the Olympics. The city has tripled in size since then in 20 years.

Holy moly that thing is ASSinine

Rams are going to be good this year. They will make a run at the Seahawks for the NFC West, and will probably make the playoffs. Their defense is legit, and Foles will probably last longer than Bradford usually does (into the regular season, at least!).

You sir, are high.

Todd Gurley is great, but who knows if he's 100%? Nick Foles had an outlier year in 2013, and now he's about to step into the full-time defensive nutcrusher that is the NFC West. Against which he threw 3 picks in 2 games last year. More than his 2 TDs in those same games.

Every analyst has been waiting as Magary says for the Rams to do good things because on paper they make these really smart NFL moves. On paper. In reality, they find a way to fuck it up.

I expect Gurley to blow out his knee quickly in that shitty ass dome. Foles will likely get exposed because he's running a Jeff Fisher offense with questionable receivers. They will still probably be passable because of that defense but I don't expect them to challenge for the playoffs. San Fran is probably going to fight them for last place but Arizona and Seattle are both too legit defensively to roll over to the Rams.

You need a solid line for Foles to be effective.  He's got the moves of a less mobile Drew Bledsoe.

I don't wish ill will on Gurley, but just like AJ Green, I have a hard time rooting for anybody that fucked over my college program as hard as they did with dumb ass suspensions. So while I don't hope that Gurley blows out his knee again, I sure don't wish the Rams any success simply because they drafted a UGA guy.

Ouch.

He owns Arsenal too, so I'm obliged to agree with the sentiment, if not the actual act.  :why_so_serious:

What you're forgetting about the NFC west is that the 49er's no longer exist. Basically everyone but Kapernick left. I believe he is the lone returning starter. And they lost their entire coaching staff. So the Rams have a legitimate shot at a wild card depending on who our AFC rival division is. Giving the Hawks a run for their money is possible, but its not likely they will win. The real question is whether or not they can beat the Cardinals for second place, which is entirely possible if hard. If they can do that then they have a real legitimate wild card shot.

Yeah, no.

The 49ers' have lost OLB Aldon Smith (released today after another DUI), ILB Chris Borland, DE Justin Smith, RB Frank Gore, coach Jim Harbaugh, both coordinators and most of the coaching staff, ILB Patrick Willis, LG Mike Iupati, CBs Perrish Cox and Chris Culliver, WRs Michael Crabtree and Stevie Johnson, OLB Dan Skuta, and RT Anthony Davis.

SF will be terrible this season unless Kaep suddenly learns how to both be functional in the pocket and walk on water.

Frank Gifford died.

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/nfl-legend-frank-gifford-passes-away-84-n406761

Like them or not, Al Michaels, Frank Gifford, and Dan Dierdorf are the voices of Monday Night Football for me. Every time I hear their voices, I think about watching MNF with my Dad when I was a kid.

It was Cosell, Gifford, and Dandy Don for me.

I got in on tail end of Dandy Don's run, so yeah, Gifford is a lot of Monday Night Football for me.

Apparently by a teammate.

https://twitter.com/nflnetwork/status/631160474868908032

Not that they were going to be good under Geno Smith, but this isn't really a good start for them. Time to bring back Vinny Testaverde?

As I said on Twitter-


I hope that LB enjoys pumping gas instead of making several hundred thousand dollars a year.Although there is outside chance that Belichick will sign him just to give the Jets and everyone else the finger.

Vick.

I like that in the span of two days, two QBs have already been punched in the face.

 :uhrr:

I checked the guy's stats who did the punching. 3 total tackles last year. But at least he appears to be able to hit his teammates better than Geno Smith.  :why_so_serious:

While poorly constructed in terms of the way he said it, I agree with his point. Nobody sucker punches a franchise QB that's a good leader and a good locker room guy. I've never even heard of something like this happening before.

No, it's still dumb. If you've never heard of it before, and there have been plenty of opportunities for it to happen, it still places the blame squarely on the dickhead.

The Redskins should hire that guy to knock RGIII out for a few weeks, too.

I'm sure he can handle that all on his own by week 3.  :why_so_serious:

Yesterday's Why Your Team Suck 2015 Minnesota Vikings was art.


Also, some great comments about Smith getting jacked:

That Pete Carrol one is A++

Apparently Enemkpali had run some camp which Geno had agreed to attend, but then cancelled on when his friend died in a motorbike crash, and Enemkpali has been chasing him for the $600 he spent on a plane ticket for Geno ever since. This is what led to the fight apparently.

I'm not going to blame Geno, but it does seem that for someone to whom $600 is pocket change, it might have been easier just to pay the damn guy.

$600 is a lot of hours at the gas station that dumbfuck will be working for next week.

Of course it's dumb. The fight was dumb. But the Jets fans are probably thrilled because Geno sucks and they don't like his leadership or play.

Pete would know. He was a mighty shitty Jet coach.

He's also a truther, which I think the joke was more of a stab at.

Edit: LAWL

https://twitter.com/kjhogo/status/631156430729515008

Give that scout a promotion.  :why_so_serious:

Rex has signed him to the Bills  :why_so_serious:

I love everything about that. Even if they cut him later it's Rex giving both Geno and the Jets the finger publicly

Oh, you Jets.  If it weren't for you, the circus of dysfunction would never need to travel out of the Cleveland city limits. 

(http://i.imgur.com/EhEYyS0.png)

 :awesome_for_real:

My main conclusion from the Skins-Lions game last night is that Jay Gruden's plan is to get RGIII murdered. Holy fuck the Lions made the skins o-line look awful.

In other news, Johnny Football is doing just enough to get the crowds to start that old familiar call for him to be the starter... and with McCown as really the only other person in that cesspool, it might not be a bad idea until they can draft another QB.  :oh_i_see:

McCown looked like McCown in what little I watched last night of that game. People seem to forget just how good that Bear's offence was the year he took over for Cutler. That wasn't due to McCown.

Johnny looked ok I guess. Was funny watching him run for his life from the all out blitzes ever third down.

The Skins O-Line is also just awful.

Yeah, I think the stat was something like 6 hits and 1 sack on 8 dropbacks for his night  :ye_gods:

Jesus.

Maybe I don't want to grab Morris this year.

I don't think you want to grab any Redskin player, other than maybe their punter.  :why_so_serious:

I get to see if the Jets have anything at QB today, which is interesting. I also get to see if the Falcons defense can stop a team with QB problems. That should be fun.

I think the answer to both those questions is likely to be no.

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT LALALALALALA

I know that as sure as I know that Green Bay's defensive numbers will graph out to be a fucking camel's hump in silhouette.  :why_so_serious:

The Bengals already look like they are in prime playoff mode.

Vick signed with the Steelers. Can't wait to hear it from the Ravens this season...

Since I'm moving to Florida, I've decided to take up my fandom in the Dolphins again. When I was a wee lad I had a full Dolphins uniform and loved Larry Czsonka and Mercury Morris.  I'm not old, YOU'RE old! Shut up!

Detroit Lions are still my #1 team and will be until the day I die; which the Lions keep advancing.

I mean, why not just take up Cleveland too if you're into lost causes in the NFL for the next decade?

It's not the Browns, Lions or Dolphins that just signed Rex Grossman.

The Falcons are a lost cause too. I've been saying that for the last 3 years as Thomas Dimitroff and his spiky hair draft useless players.

You know why they signed Grossman? Because the all knowing Falcons front office traded Akeem Dent for TJ Yates in 2014, and Yates fucking sucks. Meanwhile Dent had 38 tackles in 15 games with a sack.

 :sad:

Are you happy now monkey?  You made the Cleveland fan sad.

http://mmqb.si.com/mmqb/2015/08/25/cleveland-browns-fans-nfl-loyalty


And the broken record will continue until a goat has been sacrificed.

Impossible. Cleveland's normal state is sad.

Yeah, pretty sure that ship sailed a few decades ago. Right around when Earnest Byner coughed up the ball at the goal line.

Nope... Before that. Red Right 88.

I was 7 and have had football PTSD ever since. The Drive put another nail in the coffin, and the fumble buried it.

This is the worst.  Maybe they're trying to make Roethlisberger look like less of a scumbag in Vick's company?

Oh right. Mathis to the Broncos.

 :awesome_for_real:

I like when teams consolidate shitheads for me to root against. Saves me a lot of time.

Russell Wilson thinks Recovery Water saved him from a concussion (http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2015/08/26/russell-wilson-claims-recovery-water-healed-his-head-injury/)

It is just good science. The same good science that says the world is 6000 years old.

The secret is in the touch of 100% pure snake oil added to every bottle.

Have his PR people told him yet that this shit really doesn't endear you to people anymore?

I'd love to cheer for the guy, and my son for some reason seems to have latched on to the Seahawks, but he just sounds like more of a lunatic every time he opens his mouth.

He's the Tom Cruise of the NFL.

That is a great comparison. I have enjoyed numerous Cruise movies despite my complete and utter loathing of Mr. Scientology himself. And Wilson is very fun to watch actually play football. Except when his assmunch OC makes him throw the ball at the goal line. BRB need to vomit again.

I got on the train of hating him early.

Why Wilson is immune to the Tebow treatment is beyond me. Regardless of the Superbowl win...

At a guess, Tebow is actually a fairly nice guy regardless of his abilities as a QB and therefore is a nice soft target. Wilson is an ass who knows whose ass to kiss and which media outlets to threaten, and the money boys tell people to shut up.

But then I am just an interested observer with no knowledge or skin in the game.  :awesome_for_real:

He's black?  Just putting the obvious one out there. I am not advocating it as the reason.

Tebow has problems throwing a spiral.  Outside of a single playoff win, he's done pretty much fuckall in the NFL. His team also traded away a ton of picks to move up and get him, as opposed to Wilson who was relative bargain.  He's also been pretty upfront with his Jesus-freakness from the very start.

He's an easier target.  He always has been.  Wilson just now feels comfortable throwing his lunacy in everyone's face now that he's a proven winner, and has gotten paid.  I mean, hell, without the insanity, Wilson is extremely well spoken and likeable.  He just really needs to drop the messiah complex and bang Ciara.

My friend's jersey collection just hit twitter. (https://twitter.com/darrenrovell/status/636883518530920448)

It's like a Star-Studded Roll Call of Failure.

 :grin:

Amateur.  :why_so_serious:

Cousins named starter for the year in Washington. A guy with two career "wins" - one game he started, was yanked, and then the team came back and won it.

RG3 - how long until Saskatchewan comes calling?

Colt McCoy will be starting by Halloween, either because Cousins shits the bed or because his garbage OL gets him killed. And RGIII is done in the NFL. Once word gets out that you are shit (ESPECIALLY as a QB), then you go away pretty quickly. See Tebow, Tim.

Also- Colt McCoy should have been the Dawson's name in Varsity Blues.

I was just reading an article via Yahoo that talked about how he might be a good fit for the Chiefs, mentioning that Andy Reid has rehabilitated several similarly-profiled QBs in his career.  I could not find it just now, but I'll post it if it turns up later.

It's not even that he's shit. It's that he's so completely unmanageable and won't listen or lead. He's got the attitude of the worst spoiled entitled millenial you can ever imagine, with the helicopter parents to back it up.

I wouldn't want him near my franchise. He's the very definition of clubhouse cancer. Honestly, Vick was the exact same way until he went to prison, and he later admitted how much of a shithead he was. Except Mike was WAY more talented. Way more.

At least Vick could make a read once in a blue moon. RGIII seems to not even have that much capability.

RGIII was good his first season.  But he relied on his athletic ability instead of studying the playbook and watching film so when he went down there went 90% of his ability.

I can't even bring myself to feel bad for the guy.  He seems like a total douche with a serious lack of self-awareness. 

That said, I think he will get a chance somewhere else, if for no other reason than the fact that he has spent his short career in Washington.  Not exactly the place where careers are made to blossom.

Basically, has anyone who ever starred in a Subway ad not been an unmitigated ass?

Michael Strahan?

He does daytime TV now.

*micdrop*

He does have his issues. But who doesn't.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Strahan#Personal_life

(http://fullhousesports.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/happysubway.jpg)

I hear he gave his endorsement money to his grandmother to get her house out of foreclosure.  Can't be too bad.

Brady's ban got nullified in federal court. Sure to drive Patriot haters crazy but if you've been following the story even a little bit not surprising.

The NFL under Roger Goodell is a CLUSTERFUCK (well outside of the whole making trillions of dollars). He makes Gary Bettman look smart.

Loved picking up Tommy late late late in one of the F13 drafts.  :awesome_for_real:

The Lannisters win again.

Yeah I read the deadspin report and it looks like the judge ruled 100% correctly that the NFL screwed this the hell up, and it makes no difference if muscles is 100% guilty (he is).

http://deadspin.com/judge-overturns-tom-bradys-suspension-1728456783

MUSCLES? REALLY?

I'm in a snarky mood today.  :grin:

I'm ok with them voiding the suspension, because it was voided due to the NFL using a fly by the seat of their pants disciplinary system. Basically, the ruling told them to get their heads out of their asses and make an actual list of rules and penalties - not just rely on anything they don't like being "detrimental to the game". From that article, one of the sticking points was that the actual rule book that covers the issue in deflatgate was actually available to the players? That basically they were relying on the fact that Brady should have known better as being good enough.

That said, Brady is totally guilty.

Time to guess the quote!

So Brady and the Pats skate once again because Goodell can't be assed to come with anything better than "because I said so" as a disciplinary policy. He is such a fuckup. We can look forward to more of the same, smug old shit from Brady, Belichek and Robert Fucking Craft.

Well it has been working for them, so why the hell would they change the way things are done?

The facst that the courts keep overturning them and that basically everyone outside of Goodell's immediate family thinks he is a dolt would indicate that the current method is NOT working for them.

The NFL needs to sit down with the NFLPA and craft a better disciplinary policy with discrete steps/escalations/penalties. They can't wait until 2021 or whenever the current CBA ends. They need to amend it now.

They also need to drag the Ginger Hammer out back and put a couple in the back of his head, but I think that is probably in motion at this point.

Its somewhat amazing that they haven't already. I think that the NFL suffers from a huge case of institutional arrogance though.

In other news, water is wet.  :why_so_serious:

They are making BILLIONS being complete asshats. Of course they don't see the iceberg coming - hell, it may never come. Until it does.

As a diehard Dolphins fans, I say great! They wont have any excuses when we beat them and take the division this year.

*please let this be the year that our suffering ends....

Yeah fairly obvious, but their case was so bad and so absolutely poorly run it makes me wonder if they bought into the whole anti-Patriots thing. ('well everyone hates the Pats right?' so we'll just say and do whatever the fuck we want and everyone will go along with it, even federal judges!)

And at least the Pats haters get to know that they lost a 1st round draft pick (which is really the only indication of guilt left).

Roger Goodell has decided to skip opening night, I think the first time he ever has. O.M.G. you are a coward as well as being incompetent? So awesome.

RG3 now third string. (http://fantasynews.cbssports.com/fantasyfootball/update/25291353/report-redskins-demote-robert-griffin-iii-to-third-string)

Oh and the Eagles cut Tebow.  :awesome_for_real:

Two of the least surprising headlines in football.  :why_so_serious:

I don't understand- why didn't Jesus help them? They both had given me the impression that he was most interested in helping them along with their sporting endeavors.

Jesus hates the spread offense.  :why_so_serious:

He played pretty well, though, in his last game. He might get a chance somewhere else.

So. Spygate seems to be back.

Awesome.  More Patriots drama. 

Excuse me for a moment..
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/82533/headshot.gif)

(https://i.imgur.com/IVWi7XS.jpg)

From the gift that keeps on giving: (http://http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2015-seattle-seahawks-1728720266)



This one is killing me.  It's fantastic from start to finish.

You know, that ESPN article certainly explains why offensive "geniuses" Charlie Weis and Josh McDaniels turned out to actually be terrible coaches.  I would imagine it's a lot easier looking like a genius playcaller when you know the defense you'll be facing ahead of time on most plays.

Also doesn't hurt to have a Hall of Fame QB to call plays for either, as well as rules that heavily favor the passing game.

My wife has Gronkowski on her fantasy team. Seems like that was a good pickup.

This Steelers D looks like it couldn't cover my dead grandmother.

Patriots D is only marginally better.

Edit: They are making DeAngelo Williams look like a legit RB

So my keeper's league fucked up and didn't allow for keepers, meaning I lost Gronk. If this is a sign of what's to come I'm going to be really sad.

But yeah, Pitts looked lost out there and unable to finish a drive properly. Though, having an option for a 1-2 punch of Williams and Bell while having one of the best WRs in the game atm and a strong second WR will make them a whole different offense than what they were tonight

The real storyline here should be that Brady threw 0 TDs to his receivers last night, making them this year's Kansas City.

Edelman got a lot of attention.

But yeah, the Steeler's D looked out of sync most of the game. I'm sure it's just early season jitters. Their O will carry them through plenty of games, and the Pats are going to be one of their toughest opponents this year.

That too. The Pats D line looked like swiss cheese and if the Steelers had a legit #2 wideout who could catch the ball on 3rd down consistently, they'd have won that game. Their drives just utterly stalled too many times. New England, however, gave them plenty of chances by not utterly dominating that pathetic Steelers defensive backfield. The corners and safeties of the Steelers looked like they had no fucking idea where they were even supposed to be standing on the field, while the Pats secondary were just not very good.

Also, is it just me or does Darius Heyward-Bey just look straight up lazy? Like he starts out a route ok and then just fucking gives up like halfway through it almost every time?

I'll be honest, my favourite part of last night's game was the 'Where is Roger?' chant in the fourth quarter.  :grin:

Really, really looked like the Pats missed Wilfork last night.

Steelers D was fucking clownshoes, especially how much they talked about having a plan for defending Gronk. Was the plan to leave him completely unmarked and let him walk into the endzone?

If so, mission accomplished!

His decision making looked terrible, like the time where he missed the first down because he decided to turn his back into a defender and just fell over; and when he was too close to the sideline and went out of bounds on what should have been an easy TD.

Once the Steelers get Martavius Bryant back I doubt Heyward-Bey will see much of anything.

Dion Lewis looked pretty good I thought.

Edelman still caught 12 PPR pts worth, though. I will take it.

Brady receivers in PPR leagues are almost cheating.

.... No pun intended.

 :awesome_for_real:

So, the pushoff is still working for him?

Note to Darell Bevell:  Let's try to run play or two on the OTHER SIDE of the line of scrimmage.  Thx.  Also, go fuck yourself.

My avatar is still apropos. Sigh.

Mariota looked good. It's against the Bucs, so grain of salt and all that, but still I thought the kid looked good.

Manziel looked horrible; Winston looked panicked, Denver looked a bit lost.

Flacco had negative fantasy points.

 :oh_i_see:

If you started Flacco in fantasy football, you deserve negative points.  Peyton Manning though...  :ye_gods:

Edit: speaking of fantasy football, has there ever been a week where so many tight ends scored so many points?

Mariota good?  The guy had one of the best starts of any rookie QB in the history of the NFL.  13/16 for 209yds.  4TDS.  No Ints.  QB rating 158+ (perfect).  This was done with him only needing to rush 9yds (he's an option qb), largely in a single half, and he sat the entire 4th quarter.   :oh_i_see:   

If he can get similar efficiency and still use his legs when needed, there's not much teams are gonna be able to do with him.
I'm not surprised though.  I watched him a lot at Oregon and the man was an absolute tour de force there.  Winston was never in the same conversation as far as I'm concerned.

Yeah this is kind of crazy, and you made the comment before Witten's 20+ with 4 TEs to go. This is a crazy day for TE

My Chargers looked pretty good, if a little disjointed at times, against Detroit.  Melvin Gordon is still disappointing but slowly trending upwards I think.  Who needs Gordon when you have Super Squirrel Woodhead though!  And shit-talking-baby-making Rivers did throw for 404 total yards (well with two INT's).  Keenan Allen looks like he might be rebounding from his slump last year; and I think Stevie Johnson is underrated.  Cautious optimism engaged - another perfect setup where they can get into the playoffs and then choke it up / give it away as per usual.

Giants look like a total trainwreck and only had a chance to win because their defense made a few big plays (while playing overall kind of bad).  Looks like another year of being just good enough to make me watch their games to the end, while going something like 5-11.  Woo hoo.  :oh_i_see:

They looked horrid.  It seems like their offense was designed to specifically hide the fact that Peyton's arm has gotten to the point where he throws a worse ball than Tebow.  I had two players in that fantasy football dumpster fire. 

I made the remark before the Denver - Baltimore game that I'd be happy if both teams lost. Considering the result and the Suggs injury it was a good day.  :grin:

HOW BOUT DEM COWBOYS!  :grin:

How about that luck, you mean? Shit, the only reason the Giants were in the game is because they lucked into two defensive plays in the first half. Otherwise they looked shit. I didn't get a chance to watch the second half but based on the final score, I feel confident in that assessment. I will say though that their offensive line is legit and whoever is running behind it is going to do well.

Only other game I watched was terrible - the Fins/Racial Slur game. Jesus, both offensive lines were fucking turnstiles but at least Washington had Morris to run behind it. He's legit and he's stuck on a shit team. When Cousins had no time to think, he looked good - i.e. when he made quick, one read throws to screens, short outs and such. When he had time to think about the pass, he was fucking awful and a number of his picks and almost picks were throws into coverage that he either shouldn't have made, or shouldn't have floated in there. Their playcalling was fucking terrible especially on third down. It was like the OC was terrified to throw anything beyond 5 yards and I can see why. The fact that the team has no QB who can read a defense worth a fuck means it will be another long season for them. On the other side, Miami had no fucking running game and it wasn't just because their O line still sucks. Lamar Miller seems incapable of running through any hole that isn't miles wide. On the plus note, they actually have a good receiving corps including Jordan Cameron at tight end. Jarvis Landry is a legit playmaker, which means he'll likely get traded for magic beans to the Patriots at the end of this season. I think if Tannehill had any sort of blocking, he might be decent this year but against good teams, he's going to get killed again.

I drafted Peyton and Rivers in one of the fantasy leagues but I started Rivers because Peyton was playing Baltimore. I'm not sure that I won't be continuing that tradition based on what I'm hearing. If his arm is a wet noodle NOW at the start of the season, he might not be worth shit the rest of the year.

They opened the door, but you need to watch the last 5 minutes of that game. It was beyond belief how bad the Giants fucked it up, and how awesome Romo was down the stretch.

Oh, I don't doubt that. Romo can be really good when he's not running for his fucking life. Also, the Giants are really bad.

As an Eagles fan, I am happy that the Giants will ignore me, but Eli has to go.  Romo's ability to read the Giants D and counter was such a perfect opposite of Eli's competence.  Also, the Giants coaching staff miscounted how many T/Os Dallas had left. WTF? The fans watching the game shouldn't have better information than the coaches.

Kinda sad really. I watched most of the second half of the Denver game and every throw from Manning was a duck. Watching the slow-mo replays was almost painful to see that wobble coming off his hand. I felt a little bad given how excellent his career has been. He just had no zip on the ball. That said, I think he could underhand pass it given his mental aspect of the game and still win. He could definitely do that in Cleveland and be light years ahead of any QB we have (or had since ... ummm, Otto?).

Well, $15MM or whatever he is being paid is enough to beclown oneself.

Juuuuliiiiioooooo Jooooooones

Annnnnd the Hayne plane crashes on takeoff.  :sad:

I know SF is a dumpster fire, but they looked young, fast and hungry last night.

But holy hell, the QB play in that late night game was so atrocious.

Did they pull AP because he's old and tired or because he didn't study playbooks in his off time and kept missing blocks in the first half?

I watched the first quarter of the SF game and turned it off because it was unwatchable. I won't stay up to watch garbage football.

I checked the score this morning. God the Vikings are bad. How did they lose that game when SF was just trying to run the ball at all costs?

Trent Dilfer may be the fucking worst analyst in sports. After SF got a penalty for a false start (because the Vikings D line player moved by didn't infringe) he actually managed to say that he liked what the 49ers were trying to do and that it actually was better for their punter. Yes, because punting at midfield instead of converting a 4th and 1 is a good thing.  :uhrr:

Never mind that Berman was announcing. Fuck me.

Probably the first time I've actually deliberately watched an NFL game outside of the Pats or the Superbowl and this is what I get? Well at least the Hayne plane managed to put out the flames and wobble onto the runway. (Plus Bush got injured in the least surprising development of all time. Moving up the depth chart!)

I don't have ESPN so the NFL Monday night game can go get bent. At least I don't have to put up with Berman. Now can we get rid of Simms on Fox? Holy shit he irritates me to no end.

I didn't bother watching the Vikings/49ers game because I thought it would suck monkey ass. Looks like I was right.

I did watch the Eagles/Falcons game. Wow, the Falcons looked like a real team for 3 out of 4 quarters. They even managed to block! Coleman might actually be a pretty good running back but based on how bad the Eagles defense looks, that may be a false positive. Julio Jones is Julio Jones, so no surprises there (except that he stayed healthy). Holy shit, did Matt Ryan make two really boneheaded decisions with the football for the picks he threw. He apparently has a blind spot directly down the middle of the field like a horse with reverse blinders or some shit. Both picks were to a guy who he just never saw hanging out in the middle of the field and watching the QB's eyes. Bradford, OTOH, had about 1 quarter of competence preceded by two quarters of "WHAT DEFENSE ARE YOU READING? Because it's not the one on the field." But really, the Eagles lost that game because of Chip Kelly's coaching, IMO. Specifically, the missed field goal. He spent about 10-15 seconds on the sideline trying to decide whether to go for the first down or the field goal. That dilly-dallying meant that his kicking team had to scramble onto the field and rush the kick. And as a result, the kicker shanked it. I'm not saying he would have made it had they had more time but there's no reason in that situation to be making that decision with the 40-second clock ticking. Either you know you are going for it at 4th and X or less, or you know you are going to kick it on 4th down no matter what. You know that as a coach and you tell your offense and special teams what to be prepared for so they are ready. If it's that hard to make a decision, TAKE A TIMEOUT.

After that and the Giants bungling of the timeouts at the end of their game, I just have to shake my head at the coaching in the NFL. There's just no excuses for people paid this much money to get a simple thing like clock management wrong.

Congrats, Atlanta Fans. You might actually have a coach who can turn that dumpster fire of a defense into something approaching competence. In the shitty shit shit NFC South, you may even have a division winner. Tampa and New Orleans sure as fuck aren't going to be much of a challenge.

That announcing combination, especially during that cluster fuck first quarter, was goddamned dreadful.  Dilfer is a bigger dipshit than Theisman. 

Simms has been awful forever. He's king of the "I knew that would happen".  It's a shame, because he was one of my favorite players as a kid.  I'm pretty sure his announcing has driven down the value of his rookie card.

It's Carolina and Atlanta in my mind. Another two horse race to 9 wins, and whoever gets there takes the division.

Atlanta still hasn't solved the 3 major issues that plagued them last year

1 - Short yardage running. Need a 3rd and 1 to win the game? No dice, suckers.
2 - Offensive line play. They are signing Jake Long to try and shore up the problem. Jake...Long, mid-season no less.
3 - Pass rush. That Beasley pick is looking good already. He got bitch-slapped by pro-bowl tackle Jason Peters. He better hope it gets easier in New York and Dallas.

So the trendy Vikings bandwagon is in danger from everyone jumping from it after one game?  You don't say!

At least people didn't jump on the Jameis bandwagon early this year.

Hey, I picked the Vikings to bangwagon this year, and I'm not going to quit now!

Well I guess the Chiefs just wanted the loss that little bit more than Denver last night; what a rubbish game

Aside from Peters, that kid looked like a beast

I think I had a KC -3 and an under parlay covered until the last minute of that game.  :why_so_serious:

Oh well, I snuck out my Cowboys, Green Bay, Miami parlay last week by the skin of my teeth, so turnabout is fair.

Amazing what happens when you let Peyton be Peyton.

I just love this image.

(http://i.imgur.com/9hGVHzr.jpg)

I didn't get to see the Broncos/Ravens game but I watched last nights Broncos/Chiefs game. Holy shit is this ever accurate. Peyton's arm looks like it has all the strength of a wet fucking noodle. The ball has absolutely no zip on it. He reminds me of Kurt Warner during Warner's last year. He's an utter statue in the pocket, can't run anywhere and no longer has the arm strength to gun the ball into tight windows. His tight ends aren't as good as in the past. He doesn't have a masochistic 3rd down receiver like Welker. The Denver offensive line is literally tissue paper that can neither run or pass block. And somehow, Gary Kubiak has turned one of the most interesting QB's to watch into a goddamn utter bore by taking away his playcalling/audibles. Emmanuel Sanders is probably regretting his decision to go to Denver now, as he gets to suffer through the precipitous decline of a future HOF QB. This had better be Peyton's last year because it's going to look about like Favre's last year in Minnesota - and with that offensive line, I'm not sure I expect him to survive it because he is going to get KILLED. Somebody is going to turn what's left of his spine into a goddamn question mark, and we'll all get to watch seven of his vertebrae shoot out of his asshole. The Brock Osweiller era may be starting really soon.

The Chiefs weren't much better but at least they could run block (couldn't pass block for shit but Denver is good at the pass rush). However, Alex Smith looked to be about as good physically as Peyton only without the ability to read the defense. Without the ability to really throw the ball deep though, this team is going to have to rely on that very good defense to make the playoffs. The number of really bad turnovers the Chiefs coughed up was sick and Denver pretty much lucked into a win.

Did you not watch last nights game either then?

Why is that OC not fired yet? It's patently obvious that you're paying Peyton to run the show and all this under center clap-trap is some dickhead thinking he's smarter than the room.

The offense they are trying to run is Kubiak's, not Dennison's so if anybody needs to be fired for poor play calling it's Kubiak.

Which is full of ha-ha's. He should wait till next season when he is left with Brock. Trying to hem Manning into his offense is not going to work out for Peyton's survival this season. Unless the plan is to make an unequivocal showing that Manning is done and they'd have done better with a stronger younger QB. Either way, it will come back to bite Kubiak in the ass at some point.

I'm fine with firing him too. They never should have hired him in the first place.

Yeah, what you are seeing in Peyton is what happened to Schaub the last year he was in Houston. Just an utter deterioration of a solid QB into a blubbering mound of mush.

Why did they fire John Fox again after winning the division for 4 straight years? Because that still boggles my mind.

Which puts Peyton in a tough spot. He is good enough to operate as a coordinator on the field, but will he just tell his guys to dismiss the coaches and start running things or tow the line and get killed in the process as not to break morale? I think he has enough clout and experience that his teammates would follow him, but he doesn't seem the type to completely override the staff. All hypothetical, so don't start flinging poo at me.

The plan was to run more so Manning doesn't wear out so quickly but Anderson got hurt so they are back to throwing the ball.

I think he was uncomfortable with the amount of autonomy they expected him to allow Manning.

Welp Romo's broken and Dez is broken, we're fucked.

Ya.

It's really too bad because the defense is better than people have made it out and that offense is always good with Romo+Bryant.

Eagles are hard to watch. Terrible roster.

Bradford looks like he's terrified of being a professional football player.

That's a shame, boys looked like a lock for NFC East Champs.  Long season ahead though.

Maybe we hire Matt Flynn. Seems to be the option these days when shit has hit the fan.

Seahawks look like shit.

Good.

Actually, I don't think they played all that poorly. Their defense really misses Kam Chancellor though.

Also, Aaron Rodgers makes fun of Russell Wilson:

http://deadspin.com/aaron-rodgers-makes-fun-of-russell-wilson-by-crediting-1732038175

Chris Harris JR > Richard Sherman

My Sunday started off bad with Liverpool getting a draw against a team they should have beat. And then I picked New Orleans/Tampa Bay as my first NFL matchup. FUCK ME. This game was fucking awful. Apparently this NFL season is brought to you by the color fucking yellow because PENALTIES. The competition committee must think we like seeing refs 15-20 times a game because in all the games I watched, there were flags galore, sometimes for no good fucking reason. But back to this game. Holy shit. Both of these teams are horrible and should be ashamed. New Orleans should be more ashamed though, because goddamnit if they didn't make the crab-thieving rapist look fucking competent. No real pass rush, no ability to cover anybody. And what's worse is that Drew Brees now looks very very ordinary. There were at least three passes that he should have made that he just didn't. One INT was because he just couldn't heave the ball downfield long enough. He did take a lot of hits early in the game which either hurt his arm or scrambled his brain or both. Their offensive line is just that... offensively bad, which also seems to be a theme in this year's NFL. Is it that hard to find 5 meatheads to fucking block these days? It's not like Tampa's defensive line is great either. Other than Gerald McCoy, they don't really have anybody worth nothing and yet they were shredding the Saints all day. And you know, I'm just betting that Drew Brees is pissed that New Orleans traded away their best receiving threat for a center and their offensive line is STILL BAD. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? Maybe Tom Benson's money-grubbing kids can submit that trade as evidence that Benson is fucking senile. I would say that Peyton should probably lose his job this season but really, he's having to piece together a team with used chewing gum and spit after their GM trades away their best talents for magic fucking beans.

Game 2 - AMERICA'S GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!! If that's true, it must be punishment for the Global War on Terror because the Dallas/Philadelphia game was somehow infinity times worse than the Saints/Bucs. At least those offenses could score. Dallas actually wasn't that bad but you could tell that losing Bryant hurt their passing game. There was no real downfield threat. Also, losing Demarco Murray hurt their running game. I want to see them use McFadden as their featured back, but we all know that would only end with a random body part of his lying on the field separated from its owner for no good goddamn reason. I want to say Dallas's defense is good but then I see that they played the Giants and the Eagles so far this year. Which brings me to the Eagles who are holy shit WORSE THAN THE SAINTS. I'm not sure Bradford is going to last to the inevitable season-ending injury this year because he's fucking awful. I will grant him that his offensive line may be the worst in football (among a really crowded field of contenders). He looks utterly lost. Even Butt Fumble ran this offense better at times last year than he's doing now. He is running for his life on every play. And speaking of running, the Eagles are not. AT ALL. That offensive line couldn't block a wet fart. However, I still question the wisdom of signing Demarco Murray, a guy renowned for running really well behind a really good offensive line. He's a good power runner - he's not a scat back like LeSean McCoy or Darren Sproles or Ryan Matthews. What the fuck made Chip Kelly think he'd do well in a non-power oriented offensive line? I mean, the Eagles line wasn't any better last year but McCoy still ran the shit out of the ball. When Murray didn't have a good offensive line, he got hurt and was not nearly as effective. Which means that not only was Chip Kelly insane in all the moves he made (and that linebacker he got for McCoy... is hurt again), he wasn't crazy like a fox, he was just crazy. Unfortunately, Romo snapped his wishbone and the Cowboys get to see why Cleveland didn't want Brandon Weedon. And yes, I think Matt Flynn is available.  :why_so_serious:

Thankfully, my football palette was cleansed by Green Bay playing the offside trap against Seattle.  :why_so_serious: :why_so_serious: :why_so_serious:

That was a good game of football, made all the better for seeing Pete Carroll lose. And Russell Wilson throw a pick. Also, another Seattle defender just got drawn offside. Good thing your front office is fighting with Kam Chancellor over money. It's not like they need anyone to cover against the NFL's best goddamn quarterback or anything. Also congratulations on continuing to let your cornerbacks leave in free agency as well as your defensive coordinators. Good thing you kept Darrell Bevell. Holy fuck, this guy. You trade your pro bowl center for Jimmy Graham, one of the best tight ends in the league, then decide not to build your offense around him even though he's clearly the best pass catcher on your team by a country mile. Percy Harvin smugly says "Told you so." Speaking of idiotic coordinators, fuck you Dom Capers. I swear this guy is a defensive genius pre-game but goddamn Rain Man at halftime. I don't think I've seen a more consistent pattern of idiocy in my life. First two quarters, he shuts you down, forcing your team to make adjustments. Rather than making any adjustments himself, Capers just keeps doing what he's doing while your offense spends a quarter catching up and then gaining the lead. Green Bay will then go on to either 1) win with A-aron passing the ever living shit out of the ball in the 4th quarter and/or 2) the defense getting one or two crucial turnovers late. I really want them to fire Capers but I shudder to think who they'd replace him with.

Most of my fantasy picks this week shit the bed, including Phillip Rivers. I should have known Cincy's defense would disrupt him. Ah well, at least I won in the JV league.

See my avatar. Their OC is a moron. Give up a 1st round choice and a Pro Bowl quality center (and easily your best OL in a shaky bunch) for a TE and then only throw at him twice in four quarters? Standard. I am sure some of it is on RW3, but his entire offensive scheme apart from the run option package seems designed to NOT use the talent available where they are most comfortable/useful. See also WR screens to Doug Baldwin (not elusive) instead of Tyler Lockett, throwing an inside slant to the 4th string WR on the biggest play in franchise history, running a delayed handoff from the shotgun on a game deciding 4th and 1 against a DL that has registered to vote in your backfield due to long term residency, etc.

If they don't beat the Bears by 40 I am going to be extremely concerned.

Bevell's done this for a while, I agree. Hell, after that first season with Wilson, it looked like they decided to just stop using the read option altogether. I was watching games where he was trying to be a pocket passer and struggling (as much because of their really shitty roster of wideouts as to any faults in his talent) and thinking "Why the hell is he not doing the read option scramble thing?" You saw how effective he was in the 3rd quarter with it. Hell, if you've watched Green Bay against Seattle and San Fran over the last 3-4 years, Green Bay STILL can't defend the read option QB's worth a shit. They did better last night except for the 3rd quarter when they simply couldn't stop RW (see my earlier post about Capers not adjusting after halftime). They finally got it through the ends and outside linebackers heads to keep contain rather than pinning their ears back and sprinting upfield at him but it took a bit. But yeah, Bevell seems intent on NOT doing the things that they are so obviously good at. Maybe he thinks "That's what they expect us to do so we'll surprise them!"

I think that is exactly what it is. I heard a local reporter talking about a conversation he had with Bevell where he wondered aloud why a play was called, and Bevell smugly asked "So, you were surprised by the play?". So expect to see Marshawn Lynch dropping back to pass against the Bears, since that would indeed be a surprise. And completely retarded.

Johnny Football has a better passer rating and Y/A than Wilson this year

Joe Thomas is better than the entire Seattle OL put together, so that has probably helped  :drill:

Throwing less than 20 passes a game doesn't hurt, either.

There were like 3 billion penalties in the Pats - Bills game as well.

Considering what's happened to Manning and Brees why is no one accusing Brady of taking PEDs yet?

Fun fact, this week was the first time that the Bucs, Skins, Browns, Jags, and Raiders have all won on the same week.

Ever.

Coincidently, Vegas had its ass handed to it the week before. I'm sure they made it up this week. Those two probably are not at all related whatsoever.

http://espn.go.com/chalk/story/_/id/13653044/las-vegas-sportsbooks-lose-big-opening-nfl-sunday

My Lions shit the bed again, 0-2.  Meanwhile the Dirty Birds are 2-0?  Does not compute.  Mariota comes down to earth, beaten by His Right Honorable Dr. Johnny Football.  Interesting week.

Jet's 2-0, Colts 0-2. What world am I living in?

Another thing about Bevell and that whole Seattle offense...for at least three quarters in a game, it is extremely predictable.  And I don't mean predictable as in "they are going to run a lot", but predictable in that almost every offensive play starts around the line of scrimmage.  First down, let's through a bubble screen.  Second down, handoff to Lynch.  Third down, maybe we hand it off again by God, or pass to Baldwin/Lynch/NotGraham 1 yard past the line of scrimmage.  It is super easy to defend, because you can just cheat everyone into the box and gang tackle whoever gets the ball.  That offense only ever opens up when they start letting Wilson run, because then suddenly the defense doesn't know what the fuck is happening and there is far more territory to defend.  They never use this as a constant threat any more, they only open it up in panic situations.  And then if they get the lead again, they are likely to stop it again.  Super predictable.

Seahawks traded for Jimmy Graham so they could put him in a glass cube apparently.

On the broadcast one of the announcers was saying that Graham had recently commented that Brees would tell him exactly where to go and get him the ball and he isn't as used to the scramble style of Wilson yet and finding his way open in longer players.  I wonder if that has something to do with it.  Either way, I  blame Russel Wilson.

That's called Jimmy being used to an actual NFL quarterback.

Joe Thomas is getting old now. But Mack, Thomas, and Bitonio are a great core, and they should not be as bad as they have been looking. That is part Johnny being too squirrelly, and part not having an offensive coordinator.

Of course they looked horrible against the jets, but that might be because the jets look insanely good on def this year. They embarrassed my Browns and Indy last night.

I hope manziel gets 6-8 games, shows he is ineffective, and the browns move on. I don't trust him long term.

Long term, short term, I'm not sure there's a difference with Johnny Football.

I watched that terrible Colts/Jets games last night. Ok, NFL coaches and especially GM's who want to win? Here's your first fucking tip. GET GOOD OFFENSIVE LINEMAN. Holy fuck. This is goddamn football 101. That franchise QB you insist on paying upwards of $100 million? Trust me, he won't be worth 100 cents if he's constantly picking grass out of his fucking teeth. Watching Andrew Luck try to pass with both the defensive line and his own offensive lineman trying to slow dance with him in the pocket was fucking painful. Seeing Frank Gore dancing around in his backfield looking for holes that just aren't there was also painful. I realize scouting good O lineman is tough but fuck's sake, if your franchise saving QB goes down week 3 with an injury because you're a dickhead that can't protect him? You are a fucktard and you will lose your job for it. Luck was literally forced to try to win the game on his own last night and he suffered badly for it. OTOH, the Jets defense looks really fucking good. Their offense has moments of competence with Fitzgerald at QB, though you know he's going to throw a lot of picks at some point. I'm not sure Ivory is the right running back for this system but on the whole, the system is a fuckton of improvement over Rex Ryan's shitty offense, and a fuckton better than having Geno Smith at QB. I don't expect them to be an easy out at any time this season, not even against New England. Yes, the Pats will win that division, but I can't say that the 3 other teams in the division won't cause some people problems and one of them may make the playoffs. All of them have good defenses with New England's being the weakest of the bunch - but of course, the Pats have Brady and the power of rampant cheating on their side.

And FUCK YOU NFL. Your games are become borderline unwatchable with the shitton of penalties that are getting called. So many Mickey Mouse penalties that completely break the flow of watching the game without improving it one fucking bit.

The QB gulf is widening so fast it's going to become a have and have-not league in the next 3 years.

If you have a QB that can read a defense and make changes at the line while going down the field? You are in the playoffs or at the very least contending. If not? You're DOA.

I would agree with you except that Andrew Luck IS that kind of QB and he's getting fucking killed out there for lack of blocking. A-Aron didn't win a Super Bowl until his offensive line started gelling AND they got a defense that was capable of shutting people down.

But yeah, if you don't even have a good QB? For-fucking-get about it. And it's becoming clear that the number of good, much less great, QB's is dwindling FAST.

I'd say the list of functional QBs that can get you to the playoffs without a stellar defense:

Aaron Rodgers
Drew Brees
Tom Brady
Matt Ryan
Tony Romo
Joe Flacco
Andrew Luck
Matt Stafford
Big Ben
Andy Dalton
Carson Palmer
Phillip Rivers


I think that's about it. The rest of them? They'll need a great defensive effort or they are boned.

Dalton. Stafford, and Palmer have no business on that list (Palmer would have been 10 years ago). Brees is dicey any more as well, although that is probably more a reflection of his craptastic team than anything.

I actually agree with that list, so long as it's "get you TO the playoffs." I'd also add Manning even though is arm looks like overcooked pasta these days. The list of who can WIN in the playoffs is obviously much shorter. And as far as the list of who can win you the Super Bowl without a stellar defense, it's 2 - Rodgers and Brady.

From someone who actively watches the Broncos games.... Manning's arm looks like it did the last couple of years.

The difference is the system. He's not at all comfortable under center. Look at what happened when they switched things up and went to the Shotgun and let him audible and do his thing.

Don't get me wrong, he has declined. Dude's up there in years. But the difference from last year to this isn't that big.

Oh, and an O-Line that leaking like a sieve this year.

Yeah I don't mean WIN in the playoffs. I mean they can function enough to put you in the post-season. From there, it's an extremely short list of QBs that can win in the playoffs without a great defense.

I would have said Peyton as well two years ago. Now I don't think he can do it anymore without some serious help.

This (http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3742411&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=40#post450539146) is worth a look/read* Way too funny. Sometimes the Internet doesn't suck.


*May require SomethingAwful account to view...not sure how the permissions work and I am too lazy to rehost and post all of that shit.

Those are pretty goddamn funny.

Fitzmagic. Fuck yeah.

So wait, the Cowboys worked out Matt Flynn but instead of signing a street free agent backup, they decided to trade for Matt Cassel (http://sports-ak.espn.go.com/dallas/nfl/story/_/id/13719437/dallas-cowboys-acquire-matt-cassel-buffalo-bills)? I mean, yeah they basically gave up a nothing pick (5th rounder) for Cassel and a 7th round in the same draft but... MATT CASSEL? What in the last 4 or 5 years makes you think he's worth even giving up a compensatory pick for? It's not like you don't already have a shitty failed QB in Weedon.

I think the world realizes Matt Flynn is garbage. Just like Tebow.

Cassel can get you to .500 while Romo is out. That's all they want. He did it in 2013 when he was pressed into service, and he had a good game against the Rams until NE blew his doors off with 4 picks. Assuming Romo is out for 8 weeks, and including the bye week, the Cowboys have to manage 7 more games. If they go 3-4, that's a win. It still has them 5-4 with Romo coming back in time for the Dolphins.

The teams in that 7 game stretch are the Falcons, Saints, Pats, Giants, Seahawks, Eagles, and Bucs. They should get their asses kicked by the Seahawks and Pats, so let's just write those off. The Bucs and the Saints are just as big of a disaster as the Cowboys, so I think they can win those games even with a shitty QB. That leaves one swing game to get with the Eagles, Giants, and Falcons. In that order of likelihood.

Kam back with the Seahawks. They probably didn't need him to beat the Bears this weekend, but that is a nice safe landing spot for him. Hope he helps unfuck whatever is ailing them.

Given that we have exactly 0 WRs with Jeffrey, Wilson, White, and Royal all potentially out, I'm not sure what he'll spend his time doing all game.

With any luck, smashing Forte and Bennett. 

Is Cutler even playing?  I was thinking it would be nice with a few picks on Sunday.

Looks like Clausen will be getting the start

Yeah, Clausen is starting for at least 2 weeks I think, since Jay sprained his vagina.

The Bears may actually be in line for a #1 draft pick next season.

Yeah, my poor, poor Bears.

Sadly, I would have done better in my pool last week had I played Cutler (8 of 9 before the aforementioned spraining)

I actually felt kind of good about how the Bear defense looked against Greenbay because they gave up less than 42. Baby steps!

That's probably the name of at least one Bears' defensive package.  :why_so_serious:

God the Redskins are bad.

The giants really tried to give it away, but the redskins just didn't want it.

TBH 42 (or more) is probably going to happen any time you allow a kick off return for 108 yards on the opening kick off.

In all fairness, GB, Arizona, Seattle is a brutal set of games to open the season with. But equally, we're not looking particularly great anywhere on the field.

Seattle's easy. Just keep pressure on the O line, and throw long bombs. We've decided we're going to do jack and shit about those two things this year. Fuck.

Atlanta and Carolina making the NFC South look presentable this season.

Mariota ties an NFL record with 8 TD passes in his first three games...in a loss.  Still, it beats Ryan Leaf.

Denver vs. Detroit tonight.  Manning should have fun; the Lions don't field a defense.

I've decided that 3/4 of NFL games are unwatchable. Mostly due to poor QB play.

Wow. The Bears are bad. Seattle looked like hot garbage for 80% of that game and it was never in doubt.

Actually, I'd start the unwatchable discussion at "shitty offensive line play" and "too many goddamn penalties." The QB play just naturally falls out of that.

Games I didn't watch
LOL at the NFC South. Carolina can barely beat a New Orleans team that is super shitty WITH Drew Brees, which should be even shittier on the road with Luke McCown at QB. How was this game even close? I thought the Panthers had a defense. Also very glad I didn't watch this game. The Steelers lose Rothliesberger to what amounts to a rape accusation suspension injury.  :why_so_serious: He's lucky he didn't tear the shit out of that MCL/ACL area, because that's very similar to the hit that almost ended Carson Palmer's career. Expect plenty of LOL's the next six weeks as Tomlin tries to make Mike Vick look like an NFL QB again. Le'Veon Bell and Deangelo Williams fantasy owners should be thrilled. Holy shit, San Fransicso - aren't you glad you ran off Jim Harbaugh and replaced him with the high school janitor? Your almost Super Bowl Winning QB threw 4 picks including 2 pick sixes and less than 100 yards but at least that Harbaugh asshole is gone, AMIRITE? Meanwhile, what the fuck happened to San Diego? Two straight bad losses but at least the Cincy loss is understandable - they have a good defense. Minnesota? They do not. They do have All-Day Child Abuser Adrian Peterson in the backfield though and it appears the Chargers can't stop the run because the Vikings sure as shit didn't put up 31 points on the strength of Teddy Bridgewater's performance. And suddenly, San Diego is worse than the fucking Raiders. THE... RAIDERS.

Games I did watch
Bears vs. Seahawks - once again America's Game of the Week is a punishment for something. The war on drugs probably. This game was fucking awful from start to finish. I'm not even sure why the Bears even bothered coming to the game though you wouldn't actually know that they HAD come to the game from their performance. What was the game plan? Do as little as possible and don't get hurt? I realize you have Jimmy Clausen as your QB but stacking the line with 2 tight ends and 6 offensive linemen then running the ball up the gut 3 straight times isn't going to win you games even with Matt Forte running. The shittiest part is that Clausen didn't look bad - hell, he didn't have a chance to look bad. 17 total passes and I think one of them might have been longer than 10 yards. 10 possessions, 10 punts. I knew the Bears were bad but holy shit, that's bad. Worst part is that I can't say there'd have been a lot of difference with the Cutlet under center though Seattle might have had a few INT's to go with it.

As for Seattle, what... the... fuck? Ok, Marshawn Lynch is hurt but their running game didn't seem to suffer. Except for third down and short, when their offensive line looks completely unable to move the pile no matter who is running the ball. Also, Darrell Bevell really is a fucking shithead. "Hey guys, I know we traded our pro bowl center for this Jimmy Graham guy. He's a tight end, right? What do you mean he can't block? What does he do? Catch touchdowns and fuck bitches? Great! Let's have him pass blocking defensive ends! No one will expect that!" At least one sack on Russell Wilson (against a shitty Bears' defensive line, remember) happened because Jimmy Graham has the blocking abilities of a crippled goat. At least they finally threw him a TD pass but they continue to use him on crossing routes and underneath shit. Why? Send him down the seam, let Wilson chuck it downfield at him, ball game. When he's healthy (which we know he won't be at some point this season), he's a better pass catcher than every other player on the team. Let him catch some fucking deep balls, FFS. Also, get that Tyler Lockette kid in the pass game more. He's got more skills than every other pass catcher on the team besides Graham so... you know, use him. As for the defense, I just don't know what to say. How is it you can shut out another NFL team and yet still not really look all that threatening? I suppose I expected them to break Claussen in half and they really didn't. But hey, your next game is against Detroit at home, so it's not like you'll have to try too hard to win that game either. I'm sure Darrell Bevel will make sure it comes down to a field goal in OT, though.

Denver vs. Detroit - when did this matchup become so so shitty? The Lions are utterly inept. Their defense and their O line are both just coasters - they take up space and serve a purpose just not one that anyone gives a shit about. Who knew that letting your best defensive player go would cause the entire rest of your defense to suck so mightily? TBF, they are also missing DeAndre Levy to injury but shit - two players shouldn't cause that much drop off. As for the offense, how can a group with Matt Stafford and fucking MEGATRON look so boring and average? Well, no running game is a start but they haven't really had much of a running game the entire time those two have been on the team, so it can't be that. They just don't look capable of beating anyone.

And yet, the Lions' shitty defense still made a Peyton Manning-led offense sweat. The Broncos also have no fucking offensive line - it just doesn't exist. It's a figment of the imagination. They can't run block, so as a result the Broncos' can't run for shit. Kubiak insists on a run-first offense despite being shit at it. Putting Peyton in the half-shotgun helped Peyton out a lot, though so I guess there's that? Watching Peyton Manning throw this year is like watching your grandparents fuck. It's like they remember what they are supposed to be doing but they just don't have the energy for it. He threw the ball a little better this week but if his arm strength were a football, Tom Brady would be asking for more air in it. And dear God watching him do one of those fucking bootleg plays that Kubiak loves is painful. I mean, at least he didn't Matt Schaub a few pick sixes out of them but you are just waiting for Manning's shin bones to go flying out of his skin with every step. I'm reminded of Kurt Warner's last playoff game - he's a statue trying to throw a football. Making him bootleg is only going to get him hurt. With the Raiders looking competent, and San Diego shitting the bed, the AFC West looks wide open this year.

Tonight should actually be the only non-shitty game to watch this weekend.

In summary: A lot of shitty football was played this weekend.

The telling point in the Bears game was 4th and 1 around midfield, end of the third quarter, down 23 - They punted. Got another 4th and 1 on the next drive I believe - and punted.
Basically, Fox gave up and was coaching to just not get blown out any worse.

I noted that too. If I was a Bears GM or owner I'd seriously question if I had the right man in that job. You never give up in an NFL game like that as a coach. It's contagious. The Bears might as well just fold up for the season.

Fixed that for you. The NFL's on-field product has turned to utter shit, mostly since the new CBA got signed.

Peyton threw some spirals! He looked like he was going to pop a blood vessel in his head, but hey, some passed weren't horrible ducks.

That game was basically unwatchable though.  The level of ineptitude on both sides was thick as fog. A giant fog of suck.

I watched the Denver game until the half thinking Detroit might eek it out.

Until they completely botched that last second 4th down play at the end of the first half. Morons.

Gregg Easterbrook in his TMQ column (now on NYT I think, he was probably too critical of the NFL to stay on ESPN) continually harps on coaches punting on 4th and short in the oppositions half. His theory is that its conservative coaches trying to keep their jobs vs trying to win games.

I wonder if anyone has done analysis on margin of victory in the last two seasons vs prior seasons to see if the product has gotten shittier. Wouldn't be surprising. My feeling is that the emphasis on passing has exposed us to more and more shitty QBs (while college is still doing a lot of option and funky shit) while defensive players maybe have gotten bigger and faster so we haven't seen a balance come in the running game or something.

Let's instead marvel at the loljets and Brandon Marshalls's helmetlateral , almost as good as the buttfumble.

The scary part is that the Jets only lost to basically a Darren Sproles punt return. Sam Bradford's numbers were their normal shitty. But you know... lolJets.

The guys in the Den/Det game last night did let out telling stat leak out before not saying shit about it again. The average number of penalties per game in the first two games of this season was like 15.8 or some shit, and that's the highest that number has been since the AFL/NFL merger in 19-fucking-70. So yes, they really are tossing a shitton more flags - it isn't just me.

Average penalties per game is 7.575 per team in 2015 so far. That's just over 15 per game.

2014 it was 6.6 per team
2013 it was 6.1 per team
2012 it was 6.23 per team
2011 it was 6.31 per team
2010 it was 6.04 per team
2009 it was 5.88 per team
2008 it was 5.59 per team
2007 it was 5.67 per team
2006 it was 5.85 per team

So let's just say it was around 5.8 flags per team per game about 5-10 year ago. That's 11.6 per game, which is 3.4 fewer flags per game than now. Doesn't seem like much until you take into account that there are 256 regular season games, and it's almost an extra 1000 penalties a season more than it was back then.

Are the new penalties that are being called directly related to new penalties they have added to the rules (low hits on QBs, defenseless receivers, etc), or do just have more people jumping offsides than usual?  I'm guessing the former, but it's just a guess and I'm wondering if anyone has actual stats.

I wish we could add pass interference penalties for receivers in fantasy football.

And -1 point to defenses for each penalty taken.

It is totally out of control.  You don't really realize it when all you watch is redzone, but night time games are completely unwatchable.

I can't finish an East coast game at night anymore. They start at around 8:20 now, and there's zero chance in hell you're getting done before midnight.

The Sunday night and Monday night games this early in the season are both set on preseason expectations, so the matchups are "marquee" matchups, not ones based on this season's quality. They start flexing the Sunday night games later in the season to be more meaningful but things like next weekend's match? Yeah, we are stuck with that one - a Romo/Bryant-less Cowboys team and a Saints team that has been terribad WITH Drew Brees and may be without him. I am not even remotely interested in watching that game. The Monday night games have been worse over the last few seasons because Sunday night is getting the marquee matchups AND the flex, and Monday night seems to be "give every team that didn't lose 13 games at least 1 TV slot" and holy shit are there some bad games on that list. Tonight's Packers/Chiefs should be good but Detroit @ Seattle? Pittsburgh @ San Diego with no Rapistberger and the Philip Rivers slow-mo disintegration? The Giants @ Philly? Oh man, Chicago @ San Diego in week 9? Baltimore @ Cleveland in Week 12?

Are you ready for some (shitty) football?

The fact that after EVERY. SINGLE. defensive play where your team breaks up a pass you have to clench your butt cheeks for 5 seconds waiting for the PI flag to come in is fucking awful.

The roughing the passer and kicker calls are getting ridiculous as well. When Brady gets hit in the head (by a Jags lineman who was trying to block the pass) and doesn't even whine about it you know the call is shitty.

You know, just to be positive for a second, I will say that I really like the changes to replay AND the changes to the extra points that the NFL made this year. Having every called turnover be reviewed was just way overdue and makes for fewer challenge flags, and the missed extra points give a little bit of variation to the game that wasn't there before.

EDIT: Greatest comment ever about the Brandon Marshall lateral fumble from Deadspin:

From the games I've seen it seems like a lot of the penalties seem to be ones that aren't really on the refs. I'm happy to be corrected by actual numbers, but it seems like there have been a ton of penalties down at the line of scrimmage (false starts, NZ infractions, offsides etc) and fewer things like PI. I know when I was watching the Denver vs Chiefs game the Broncos' D-Line had a ton of stupid penalties. As I say though, this might just be my impression.

In other exciting Bears news, we've traded Jared Allen to the Panthers for a conditional 6th round pick apparently. Some other BEars fans seem to think we got rinsed, but frankly I think it's probably about right for Allen, who isn't the force he was 3-4 years ago. The team is in rebuild mode, and clearing up space for some of the younger guys to get experience in the front seven (which while not stellar is looking a lot better than the past couple of years) is probably a better move for the future. No idea why the Panthers want him, are they considered a 'win-now' team? From what I can see the best they can hope for is to make the playoffs, largely due to the ineptitude of their division rivals.

And now we're sending Jon Bostic to the Patriots; it will be fun watching them turn him into a pro-bowler or something  :uhrr:

Apparently there's a fire sale on Chicago defensive players.

Anyone see Pagano's locker room speech after the Tennessee game? 'That's as big a win as I've been a part of in my life'.

Yup, a week 3 win over shitty Tennessee.

Good luck Colts!

And the Colts only won because they stopped a 2-point conversion. GO COLTS!

The Packers/Chiefs game was glorious for about 3 quarters. A-Aron just tearing shit up because he has a decent O line, a great set of running backs and receivers who mostly don't trip over their own dicks. I really wish my remote had a "Gruden Mute" button because holy fuck do I hate hate hate listening to him fellate players even when I agree with his assessments (like on A-Aron). Then, Dom Capers decides "Fuck it, we're up by like 31 points, let's take the 4th quarter off." At that point, he stops pass rushing and just throws up the softest prevent coverage possible. KC gets back in the game with 3 fucking garbage time gift wrapped touchdowns before Capers starts to realize they are getting close and calls blitzes again. FFS, the last KC TD drive was like 18 plays long, you think in one of those he could have called something to stop the very obvious dumpoffs and short passes they were throwing but NOPE NOPE NOPE. It's the same shit that lost us the NFC Championship game last year. You cannot do this against a good team. Luckily, KC's offense is not really that good but hey, at least they finally got a TD pass to a wide receiver!!!!

If Rodgers stays healthy they are going to be tough to beat.

Capers will find a way.   :why_so_serious:

If teams stop trying to jump the count on him, they'll probably do better. He's an assassin with a free play.

It's not like teams are drilling against that. KC supposedly practiced that shit all week and still got busted on 2 of those offside calls.

KC has issues beyond just jumping offsides though.

I'd file that in the same drawer as 'teams that said they practiced covering Gronkowski all week'

A decent o-line, a smart QB with a clever (but not overly) OC are almost unstoppable in this league. GB ran that play 3 times where the two receivers basically run a pick play for the 3rd..borderline illegal but you can't defend it.

As dolphins fan  :cry: I am not familiar with this term "A decent o-line" please tell me more.

The phins 2 "starting" guards are ranked 71st and 74th overall. That's right , there are nearly a dozen backups around the league that are better than either of Miami's starters and with an injured starting LT they are playing jason "the human turnstile" fox there. I think Ryan Tannehill may die this year.

As a Browns fan (which is getting harder to say every week, month, year), we had a decent o-line. Have no idea wtf happened to them - no reason that talent should look and be as bad as they have been. I blame the coaching, but fuck.... we change those more often than Oregon changes jersey colors. With the names on that line, there is no reason a middling running back should not have 80-100 yards every game - even with no QB. But hey, it's Cleveland - the land of sad.

This game is dreadful.

I am le surprised.

And we get more of it.

As a somewhat Steelers fan... what the fuck is up with your playcalling and why don't you run Leveon Bell if you're going for it on 4th down?

LOL Steelers giving it away.

There were 28 accepted penalties in the Bills-Giants game. That's more than Giants completions.

But Rex Ryan likes a team with fight in it! I wonder how long before that act will wear out.

I was out and about and didn't see more than about 10 plays total of any game. Really sloppy, or flag happy refs?

I'm going to guess a bit of both. Welcome to today's NFL!  :why_so_serious:

I caught just a bit of the Jets/Dolphins game - to all NFL fans in London - I'm sorry. What the fuck were we thinking? I mean, it's a divisional game so you'd expect both sides to give a shit about it but apparently Miami doesn't give much of a shit about anything but bigass contracts these days. They give Suh $60 million, have a total of 1 fucking sack through 4 games, and he doesn't even bother to throat fuck a guy in that entire time? That's just bad business on all sides.

I did catch a bit of that last 5 minutes of the Giants/Bills game and I have to say that Rex Ryan is about as good as managing the clock as Art Shell. As in what the fuck? His team is down 2 TD's, he has 3 timeouts and they start driving the ball by throwing over the middle. Rather than take the timeouts on at least one of those plays, he burns the clock, losing probably a good minute in the process. Now turns out they couldn't score anyway, but still. Tyrod Taylor does look like a decent QB though, certainly better than EJ Manuel ever showed.

The Packers/49ers was my game of the day and though it was hardly competitive, it was least better than the last few weeks worth of "Game of the Week." I mean, it was interesting seeing a team as shitty as the 49ers actually giving Aaron Rodgers fits, mainly through liberal use of "the right tackle can't block a blitz to save his fucking life." At least that isn't the normal starter as Bulaga is still out injured, but holy shit, Rodgers was running for his life all damn day. Meanwhile, Kaepernick did a lot of running for his life and wasn't nearly as effective. Apparently their playbook only allows him to run the read option a few times before trying to force him to drop back and inaccurately throw a ball into the dirt 20 times a game. Holy shit is his accuracy horrible. Every time I watch a 49ers game and Kap stinks up the joint, I hear the announcers say that the Niners are really impressed with what Blaine Gabbert brings to the table and my brain just revolts. Like, those words should never ever end up in a sentence together. I have to think the front office is trying to line up more excuses for losing this bad and having Blaine Gabbert be your starting QB is a really good one - though I can't see how having Colin Kaepernick is any worse of a reason.

The Cowboys/Saints game turned out to be a lot more competitive than it should have been. Drew Brees arm has not fallen off though he's quite obviously not at 100%. Nothing seems to be wrong with Brandon Weedon's arm other than being attached to Brandon Weedon. The Cowboys vaunted offensive line is not covering itself in glory these days, nor are the guys they got to replace DeMarco Murray as good at running behind it either. Terrence Williams continues to show why Dez Bryant is the #1 receiver and why without Dez Bryant as the #1 receiver the Cowboys do not have a #1 receiver. He shows flashes of talent followed by long stretches of "Hey where'd Terrence Willams go?" Cole Beasley looks like Wes Welker's country cousin who is in town for the weekend and wants to "find some bitches" instead of going and getting a fucking haircut (or at least a hairstyle that says something other than country fucktard). And in the end, the Saints win it on a tailback fly pass that shows why some linebackers shouldn't be in deep coverage even against a running back.

Hey, at least Chip Kelly is making it so that Dallas isn't going to end up on the bottom of the most dysfunctional division in the NFL. LOL Kirk Cousins beat you on a 2-minute drive. The Racial Slurs are tied for first in the division!

Tonight's shitshow will be brought to you the wasting of Calvin Johnson's remaining good years.

Sloppy.  Buffalo tied the franchise record for third most penalties in a game, and had at least 3 personal fouls/unsporstmanlike.  At least two of the Giants penalties were delay of game.

I've revised my Cowboys needs to just win 2 of the 7 games while Romo is out. They may not even do that with this defense and Sean Lee getting fucking injured again and again and again.

RELEASE THE CASSEL!

Joe Philbin out.

http://www.sbnation.com/2015/10/5/9449293/joe-philbin-miami-dolphins-head-coach-fired-dan-campbell

Not a surprise, the Dolphins have looked atrocious.

I wish I was in Vegas...I would have put a good sized bet on him being the first to go. He is a donkey.

It was pretty much a given he would be the first to go, so dunno how good the betting line on that would have been.

Free money is free money!

Next up?

I'll be shocked if Pettine is around next year... and Farmer. In the land of Cleve, short leashes are a way of life. Farmer screwing up the roster as badly as he has in the last year not to mention taking a stupid suspension? Sorry... hope runs out when you demonstrate you're a dolt with so many examples. And Pett? How does a defensive oriented coach have the worst defense in the league going on 2 years? Not to mention the poor player discipline in games? Nope...

I'm pretty sure Chip Kelly's leash is getting shorter each week

In Bears news, we can only hope that Cutler's return shuts up the fucking hate on him for a week. People have had a chance to gaze into the abyss and it's full of Clausen and suck.

I thought the Cutler abyss was full of suck just with better hair? Might as well go all out and suck and get the no.1 picl.

https://twitter.com/ESPNStatsInfo/status/651065733946974208?s=09



OOF.

That is one expensive ass failboat.

 - They are #29 in YPA passing and #2 in passing attempts
 - They are #10 in YPC with 4.3 and #31 in rushing attempts

 :ye_gods:

So does this mean the Packers are following the Patriots in "HOF-level QB makes offensive coordinator/QB coach look good leading to a head coaching job that is a spectacular failure" category?

Why are the Seahawks seemingly always the beneficiary of horrible calls (or no calls)?

That ref is just covering his ass for not knowing the rule. How anyone on Earth could think that was not intentional or otherwise, is just not possible.

Not always.

(http://sportstechie.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/helmet-ball.jpg)

That cost them a playoff berth.

Also- look how much better those old uniforms were  :heartbreak:

Covering his ass? The whole hubbub is because the NFL has admitted that it should have been a flag, and thus giving the ball to DET, first and goal.

That game was fucking terrible. Really, truly awful. Some will call it a defensive showdown but no. Defensive games are when a good defense stifles a good offense. This was two reasonably good defenses stifling some really shitty shit shit offenses. Knowing the caliber of players that are out there makes it even worse. Detroit's offensive line is dogshit. They can't run block. Their pass blocking is pretty bad too. Either Stafford can't find Calvin Johnson downfield (because he's running for his fucking life) or the OC isn't calling the long bombs - probably both. Meanwhile the Seahawks continue to prove that their OC has no fucking idea how to get the ball to his playmakers. Yes, let's keep sending Jimmy Graham on up and outs or crossing patterns 5 yards past the line of scrimmage. Also, make sure to force him to run and pass block because he's objectively horrible at those two things and will never be good. And make sure your offensive line is just as bad as Detroit's so that Russell Wilson is constantly throwing in a scramble drill. We wouldn't want to really DESIGN any deep bootleg type passes, let's make sure they happen completely spontaneously.

Detroit should have never been competitive in that game but then frankly neither should Seattle as they were both fucking awful all night. The shitshow that was the weekly referee cluster fuck was just the shit sprinkles on top of the whole shit sundae.

Seattle will figure it out mid-season. They usually do. Whether or not Arizona has run away with it already might be up for debate.

As for Wild Card teams, one of them could actually come out of the previous dumpster fire that is the NFC South. Which is hilarious. The other is about as wide open as it gets right now.

There don't look like many Super Bowl caliber teams current in the NFL. I see Green Bay and the Patriots. Denver has issues with Peyton dying by week 12. Cincy always shits the bed. Arizona, Atlanta, and Carolina have been smacking around shitty teams but have yet to be challenged. And I can't believe in the Jets with Fitzmagic as real.

But the list of shitty teams with almost no chance? That list is HUGE. Miami, Cleveland, Baltimore, Tennessee, Houston, Jacksonville, KC, Washington, Philly, Chicago, Detroit, Tampa, New Orleans, and San Fran. All terrible and all toast. Almost half the league is crap.

Combine all that with the shitton of extra, Mickey-Mouse-level penalties and idiotic refereeing and it looks like a repeat of last year's shittastic NFL clusterfuck of a season.

I think the proliferation of the spread/high tempo offense in CFB the past decade is catching up to the NFL. They aren't getting as many players who know how to play NFL style offense and defense. Consequently, NFL coaches are doing more on the job training than before. Since there aren't an abundance of good coaches, more raw players are getting half-assed coaching, and this is the product you see on Sundays. A few elite teams, a couple up and comers, and a bunch of bottom feeding garbage merchants.

I think the spread must be effecting offensive lines as well because those have turned to utter dog shit league wide.

They are one of the most affected groups (QBs being the other). They rarely have to grind out run blocks, and pass blocking is predicated on a short drop or pistol or shotgun formation. This is why the Seahawks (and a few other teams) have been drafting defensive linemen and switching them to offense. They get the right athletic fit, and teach them the techniques they want. Of course, while they are learning on the job, you have dumpster fires like the current Seattle OL.

There is also the fact that the draft these days it all about the "skill" positions. I'm sorry but playing offensive line takes just as much skill as catching the ball.

I believe the quality of football in the NFL is going to keep declining as fewer and fewer young kids play the game. I see it in the high schools around where I live, where a single rural district could easily field a team when I was in high school, they now are having to co-op with at least one more school district to be able to have enough players (and afford the costs as football is an expensive sport for schools to have). And towns that are larger that used to never need to have under-classmen on the varsity team are suiting up and even starting more and more freshmen and sophomores.

In another 20 years, high school football is likely to be what high school soccer was 20 years ago: a niche sport played almost entirely at rich suburban schools with large student populations.

Browns have some fairly high draft picks on the OL and 0 skill players and they are dogshit to watch. You really do need balance...which is why Dallas has been looking pretty good over the past 2-3 years and why the Patriots are always so damn good.

I find all the whining about the end of that game is starting to get on my nerves. Lets think about what would have happened had the ref called that penalty and the Lions won.

How happy would everyone be that a game was decided on a rule that 98% of the people in the game didn't know existed? They've interviewed people all over the league and in the media and most had never heard of the rule.

The ball was on its way out. The player batted it because it bounced up in to his chest and that's what you are taught to do with loose balls when you would retain possession (at least that's what the player thought would happen). He could have caught it, he could have stepped out of the way and let it go out on its own - either way, there were no Lions anywhere near it to recover the ball. It would have been just as shitty a way for the Hawks to lose.

I think we can all agree that game was just shitty from start to finish.

Tough shit for the Hawks though. Just because people were not aware of the rule does not mean you don't enforce it. Not about happy it went this way or that, it is about how some rules are basically ignored or just not known well enough even though the rule exists for a reason. As shitty as the game was, there is a huge spotlight on integrity of the NFL and if officials aren't aware of the rules they are charged with enforcing? That is a bit glaring. Taught or not, it was the incorrect action per the rule. Could have happened to any other two teams and people would still be bitching. Nothing saying the Lions would have actually scored and won the game either...

The head of the ref's said that the line judge saw the bat but determined at the time that it wasn't intentional. So he KNEW the rule he just applied it incorrectly.

Yeah I read that and as much as it makes me twitch, I feel myself drawn over to my tinfoil hat. This just sounds like a huge "cover our asses so we don't look stupid AGAIN" presser. Not intentional my ass. His hand and arm pushed the ball in a direction, only one hand and arm. What a load of shit. That ref fucked up probably because he didn't know the specific rule and is in panic mode looking for an excuse, 'oh I knew the rule, but reasons made me think that the rule did not apply.' Refs have been screwing the pooch so often in the last few years that it is hard to take anything they claim seriously anymore. When you have to make up all these conditions that constitute what is or is not a catch and STILL can't agree? Amazing the NFL still has as big a following as it does.

Yes, it definitely sounded like ass-covering what is a huge blown call. It's a stupid rule, but the NFL is full of them these days, the "what is a catch" being probably the most idiotic set. It's truly shitting up the on-field product, as is the decline in talent at key positions thanks to the fuck you spread offense.

At this point, I am thinking a QB skills challenge would be more entertaining than most of the games on Sundays.

I'd love an all star weekend like that.

Yep.  The NFL product SUCKS now.  I'm a Lions fan, I'll always be a Lions fan, but who gives a fuck?  For the first time in over 20 years, I don't have live NFL and I don't give a shit.  Refs blowing calls, refs flag happy, crappy teams, the same teams winning every year; and none of them mine.  Why put myself through it?  At least the Lions (and Titans) had the decency to suck right out of the gate this year, so I cut the cable and it's no great loss.  You root for the same team year after year after year and they never make it.  I can't even watch the Lions because I'm way down in Florida.  I do like the Phins but they suck too.  Sit and watch a game for three hours only to see my team lose and/or the refs blow it or hit up espn.com, glance at the scores and go 'yep lost again'?  Easy choice.

Looks like Hasselbeck is getting the start tonight. He was in the hospital after the game on Sunday due to a virus. He's still sick, but Luck can't play. Thursday night football is awesome.

So it's Social Security vs. Mallet Time/Cleveland Steamer?

It will be an awful game. I would rather play Catan on my iPad against the AI opponents.

He was in the hospital as late as 2am on TUESDAY.

Seriously these roughing the passer penalties are just laughable now.

You should have seen the one in the USC game. A kid got EJECTED for brushing the QB's helmet.

So Hasselback was surprising tonight. He wasn't lights out or legendary (as the announcers liked to remind us of previously ill players like Jordan or Favre after his dad's death) but he was a solid game manager and made some good calls. I even played Hou's defense in anticipation of his illness getting the best of him and he did really well.

And yes, that RTP call was bullshit.

Best Thursday Night game in a long time. I watched it expecting to turn it off in disgust and then interesting things kept happening. It didn't hurt that I have fantasy interest in Hasselback, Gore and Foster.

Bungles 5-0, Bears won, Seahawks lost, and the Falcons are 5-0 too. What a world.

So many comebacks today.

I'll never make fun of Tony Romo again. I've seen life without him and it's staring into the same QB abyss as 20 other teams.

Seahawks are giving up way too many 4th quarter leads. They had that game salted away if they can get a few fucking first downs. Good thing they didn't trade for a guy in the off season who can help them do that.

Hawks are done. I don't think you come back from fucking up a season this bad at the get go. Still love em, but damn, man.

They had to pay their QB. It was the inevitable doomsday device of the NFL.

EDIT: Also Davonte Freeman is really showing up some teams now. Lordy he can run. Falcons may have a gem in that kid.

I had a light football day yesterday, mainly because most of the matchups on TV sucked monkey ass. Turns out the 2nd-worst looking matchup on became a competitive ballgame (San Fran - Giants) but fuck that, I'm not watching the Niners.

The Green Bay - St. Louis game was a lot tighter than the score might indicate. St. Louis missed 3 field goals (one was blocked, the other two were long ones) that could have put them in touching distance. Nick Foles got picked 4 times mainly because he was getting man-raped behind that O line. I don't necessarily blame their O line as Green Bay has an outstanding pass rush this year and when their DC isn't calling for the prevent defense, they will absolutely destroy a QB. At one point Foles got sandwiched between two defenders with one of them being Clay Matthews, and Matthews helmet ended up directly in Foles' sternum. Kid got back up and continued to play. His numbers look terrible, but again... running for his fucking life. St. Louis had injuries on their O line as well. Meanwhile, Todd Gurley is a motherfucker of a player. Kid has got speed, strength and the ability to make people miss. Even when stacking the box, there were times Green Bay just couldn't stop him. Tavon Austin is also a playmaker but it remains to be seen if he's a difference maker. Also, St. Louis defense is sho nuff for real, y0. Their front line just buried Eddie Lacey all day and made Aaron Rodgers as uncomfortable as Foles on the other side of the ball. Of course, this is A-ARON so he naturally tossed 2 TD's but he threw his first 2 picks at Lambeau since 2012 and fumbled twice as well. For him, that's unheard of but he really was just getting chased out of the pocket all game. Ty Montgomery may well be another gem of a wide receiver for them, which makes the loss of Jordy Nelson for the season bearable - behind Cobb and James Jones, they have 3 dangerous wideout weapons, plus Richard Rodgers at tight is turning out to be good as well.

I tried watching the Pats/Cowboys game but holy shit are the Cowboys bad with Brandon Weedon at QB. I mean, it's not like everybody couldn't have predicted that but he's not even a serviceable backup, IMO. Either he can't find any reads past 5 yards or his receivers just aren't getting open downfield but there's just no threat to the offense. Yes, he's making due without Dez Bryant and with 3 RB's who are not the equivalent of 1 Demarco Murray but still. He's just unable to do anything and it isn't like he's getting swamped by pass rush. But hey, Cowboys fans, you have a bye and you can spend the next two weeks dreaming about how good Matt Cassel's going to do when he gets the start against the Giants.

The Giants by the way are still terrible but they are less terrible than the Cowboys without Romo. Also, the Eagles blew the Saints out but don't think that means they are any better. They still stink on ice. New Orleans just happens to be one of the worst teams in the NFL this year. Though they can't be the worst because Detroit is still winless. Things got so bad for Detroit yesterday they pulled Matt Stafford for DAN ORLOVSKY because Stafford threw 3 picks. It didn't get any better but they did manage to set an NFL record for most pass attempts in a game at 70. YES, THAT'S RIGHT - THEY THREW THE BALL 70, THAT'S 7-0 TIMES. They apparently cannot fucking run the ball at all and though they appear to be trying very very hard, they can't fucking pass the ball either. Good thing Stafford is signed to a big contract through 2017. I put even odds that Jim Caldwell loses his job this year.

Wow, Washington almost beat Atlanta but looking at their box score, I don't see how. They couldn't run the ball based on their stats, which is insane because that's the only thing Washington is supposed to be moderately good at with Alfred Morris. But Cousins numbers are still better than Stafford's. CRAZY TOWN!!!!

Also, Peyton Manning shits the bed and still wins thanks to Denver's defense. Does my fantasy team no fucking good though. I think his arm is ready to fall off of his body at any minute now.

Not a lot you can do when the O-Line is playing shitty and the receivers break their routes and drop passes. Not that I'm saying Peyton isn't playing as well as he did in his prime, but hanging everything on him isn't exactly fair.

Oh there's a lot wrong with Denver that isn't Peyton's fault. Kubiak's offense for one thing. Lack of Julius Thomas and an offensive line in tatters for another.

It feels like the NFL this year is a game of who sucks the least. There's maybe 10 teams you could call good and everybody else is just awful.

On a side note, the difference in the Bears without Cutler versus the Bears with Cutler is stark. I have relatives who are (ignorant) Bears fans so I have to stop myself from shouting that they're all fucking retards for mocking Cutler all the time, as if he's the reason you suck. No. He's the reason you aren't complete and utter garbage.

Having $30M+ of your cap tied up in 2 offensive players always strikes me as iffy.

Yeah, but as long as one of those is a QB who doesn't suck, you should probably be ok. Though Baltimore and Detroit would probably disprove that notion.

You can win a playoff spot that way. It's hard to win a title though.

Re: Julius Thomas. God no. Was glad he was gone. Great talent, but TERRIBLE blocking ability and would give up on plays constantly.

I turned that game off after the 2nd touchdown in 118 seconds. I figured the Bengals were done and the old cats were back, the prior weeks being just a blip. Color me surprised when Facebook late yesterday was awash in "5-0 BABY" posts.

I take all credit in diverting my Jinx gaze from the game for the sudden turnaround and apologize for what was surely a lot of cursing and swearing for the last 45 mins on your part. :why_so_serious:  :drill:

The NFL needs to nail down what is or isn't a catch. Especially on touchdowns. I was under the impression that once the nose of the ball crosses the goal line and is under control, it is immediately a touchdown and that is that. How many times have I seen a player running and stretch for the pylon, break the plane, go flying into the ground while being tackled and have the ball go bouncing off. But because it was caught, the rules are suddenly different.

Much like the Gorgons of Greek myth, I'm fairly certain the Giants wideouts all share one set of healthy hamstrings between them.  In the final drive, you had Cruz, Beckham, and Randle all sitting on a bench watching their team drive down the field.  Luckily, the 49ers didn't bother to cover Vereen, the only healthy receiver Eli had to throw to (who wasn't a rookie or a 5th stringer).

Didn't expect the game to be good tonight, but it was entertaining at least. Someone mentioned it earlier, but 70% of the teams are hot garbage. I'm having a hard time finding a team with a legitimate shot outside of Green Bay, New England, Arizona, Denver, Atlanta and Cincinatti.

I see that Edelman still gets to push off for receptions. At this point, the defense might as well be wearing trampolines for the dude.

(https://usatthebiglead.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/julian-edelman-and-chandler-jones-on-burgertyme.gif?w=1000)

Of those 6 teams, I think only Green Bay and New England are legit Super Bowl contenders. Arizona is dependent on Carson Palmer not dying and I'm not sure Peyton and this offense can win in the playoffs, especially if they have to travel to New England. I'm not convinced yet by Atlanta, at least not to go all the way and Cincy still has Dalton as their QB so... one and done.  :why_so_serious:

Really will boil down to who gets hot in the last 6 games of the season.

We'll see how real the Packers and Broncos are in a couple of weeks. Everyone's raving about the Broncos D right now but they've played 5 teams who have 6 wins between them. Colour me suspicious.

Brandon Wheeden is really bad. Dallas drives: Punt, FG, Punt, Punt, Punt, Punt, FG, Fumble, Interception, Downs. 3 first downs in the first half. Also well done Dallas going for a field goal at 8:31 of the 3rd quarter down by 17.

I wonder if NFL owners will ever wake up and start hiring coaches who have balls vs idiots trying to keep their jobs. I guarantee you there is a clear correlation between teams who go for it on 4th down and their W-L standings.

Miami, Baltimore, Houston, Chicago, Tampa Bay, and San Francisco have gone for it the most this year.

Green Bay, Oakland, Minny, NOLA, Washington, and Philly are tied after that in 7th place with 5 times on the season. I think the correlation is that most coaches won't go for it unless they are losing, and as such you see losing teams with the highest attempts.

They've all got MRSA.

As for Edelman, yeah. Nobody wants to call the Pats on shit after Brady got off, so they've got carte blanche to cheat at this point. They're gonna do everything but shoot the opposing players at this point because they know they can.

This is another one of those seasons where if it's not Packers v. Pats, I'm going to be surprised.

It really should have been last year.  :argh:

 :oh_i_see:

Nah Seattle was infinitely better last year than they are this year.

Apparently this is the first time in NFL history that there have been six undefeated teams at this point in the season.

Also the Colts get to play four of them over the next five weeks.

Seriously, why is Phil Sims still in the booth... Who keeps hiring this guy?

Hey guys, I found the real Atlanta Falcons.  Cancel the amber alerts.

Davonte Freeman is still great. I remember when he came out we questioned his size. Nope. He's fine.

Both Freeman and Coleman are future stars if they can stay healthy. They are both fucking fantastic.

Unfortunately, Atlanta beat themselves last night. The only reason the Saints were competitive was the fumbles and a blocked punt. If Atlanta doesn't choke on that punt and scores instead of fumbling the ball inside the 10, that game has a whole different complexion. I'm not sure where this New Orleans defense has been all year, but it hasn't been at their games. Also, Benjamin Watson - how many times can you throw to this guy before Atlanta figures out how to cover him?

I think both Atlanta and Carolina are worse than their records indicate, as is Cincy and Denver. All of them have been living off good defense and offense that does good enough and/or doesn't make killer mistakes. The Falcons made lots of killer mistakes on offense last night.

Atlanta has problems covering tight ends. Vernon Davis in the playoffs comes to mind.

Echo these statements. Those 2 first half fumbles pretty much killed the Falcons. I mean both drives were going well and chewed up time and yards and then *poof. No comeback in the fourth quarter was going to work...this time. Not with them letting Watson do whatever he wanted.

As for Cincinnati, I think they are real this year mainly because Dalton has his Gronk. They have the offense to throw enough points up and a defense that can keep opponents under those points. They'll slump, but not enough to lose more than 5.   

Gary Barnidge has been an absolute steal for the Browns. Between him and Benjamin our receiving corps is actually half decent. McCown did about as well as could be expected against the Denver D. Then for some retarded reason when we're up 4 points, we decide to go for 2 rather than kicking the extra point.  :oh_i_see: Even with that we have a chance in OT. We only need 10 yards or so and we kick a winning FG but we can't even get that. Lolbrowns.

On a side note how the hell is Denver 6-0?

McCown owns that loss. How the hell you do toss up a floater while driving down the field with under a minute to go? you take the sack or throw it to the first row...

oh...lolBrowns. I almost forgot.

God I love watching those 12th man assholes faces when they get their asses handed to them at home by a middle-tier QB.

Your window is closed Seattle. SLAM.

Defense.

I'd love, love, love to be able to count them out already, but the NFC West isn't a particularly strong division this year and 3 of Seattle's 4 losses have come against teams that are currently undefeated. If Arizona falters and Seattle gets hot towards the end of the season I could see it being the 2011 Giants all over again.

If they do it will be an epic meltdown by the Cardinals, and the most unlikely winning streak by a team that offensively looks average, and defensively is making critical errors.

Yeah, I'm not saying it's likely, but I think it's within the realm of possibility. The Cards put up numbers beating up on shitty teams but lost today to the only team they've faced that currently has a winning record and they still have two currently unbeaten teams on their schedule.

Roll your eyes all you want, the only people who don't think the Patriots are the biggest bunch of cheaters in a shitty league are Pats fans.

If you aren't watching Sunday Night Football, you just missed the single most WTF thing in the NFL this season.

Until there's a better GIF:

https://vine.co/v/e9gIVmYZWYQ

https://vine.co/v/e9gTaMtWWQh

https://vine.co/v/e9gT6iIqUBg

HERE WE GO: https://streamable.com/d4jy

I'm glad I stayed up to watch this.

What the fuckity fuck is that.

That should be Jim Caldwell getting fired.

Why would the head coach of Detroit get fired for that?

I always picture him staring like a dolt in Indy. Pagano apparently isn't much better  :awesome_for_real:

Holy fuck, even in a game that the Colts end up being competitive in they manage to do something so stupid that that's all anyone remembers. I just watched the local post game show here in Boston and the studio just spent 5 minutes giggling over it. Literally just giggling, they aren't even talking.

That's almost as stupid as the way Michigan lost their game the other day.  Conceptually, that is just baffling.  Whomever dreamed that play up should be forced to tea-bag a bucket filled with glass shards and lemon juice.  They're going to have to retired that one from the Not Top 10.  It can go sit on a pedestal next to "The Butt Fumble" and "Two Florida Linemen Blocking Each Other".

It is a gimmick that the high school team my friend's son plays for runs on extra points. They line up similar to this, see if the defense is caught off guard and snaps it IMMEDIATELY or shifts back to a kick formation. Stupid razzle-dazzle trick formations only work if you run them quickly, the colts probably would have been successful had snapped the ball as soon as they were set instead of waiting so long.

I like it. It looks like something your coach would run if he was tired and ready to go out drinking.

Even if they had snapped it quick, it was still an illegal formation. They didn't have enough players on the line. I care less about the stupid play and more about the timing of it. They were still in the game at that point. Just punt it away.

So yeah, Indy's "trick" play may be the only thing more wtf-worthy than Tate's "touchdown"

Though, besides a few moments of shittiness, it was a decent day of football overall.

I watched the Broncos/Browns game and dear GOD was that some dire football. Gary Kubiak has literally turned a hall-of-fame QB into Blaine Gabbert. I'm not entirely sure why are six games that you can't with your own two eyes see that 1) Peyton Manning is utter shit at the bootleg pass you used to make Matt Schaub throw all the time, 2) Peyton is still effective as hell in the full shotgun throwing 10 or more yards down the field so long as you pass protect for him and 3) you need extra blocking on just about every pass play because your crazy quilt line is utter shit. How many times are you going to make Peyton throw the ball fucking sideways for a 3-yard loss before you realize those quick screen whatever the fuck they are's do not work for this offense. But hey, at least you had a running game. Cleveland was missing some of their starting DB's if I remember right, yet it wasn't until late that Peyton even bothered (or was allowed) to challenge them. Also D. Thomas - learn to secure the fucking ball.

Cleveland really was just LOLBROWNS. I mean, Josh McCown at QB against this D and you expect this game to not even be close. But both offenses were so incredibly bad that it was. Picking Peyton 3 times used to be an accomplishment but not this year.

Also caught the Chargers/Packers game and the wheels came off the Packers defense. 503 yards passing to Philip Rivers. What... the... fuck? And basically needing a last second slap at the ball (the route was well-read though) to win or not go into OT? Yikes. Their O line is not as good this year and Lacy needs to take a rest until he's better because he's killing both my fantasy team and my Packers. A-Aron proves he's still THE elite QB by throwing TD's to the fucking MASH unit that receiving corp has become.

As for that "trick play?" Somebody ought to get fired over that. That's just embarrassing.

EDIT: And just remembered that Tate "catch." WHAT... THE... FUCK, NFL? I mean, just WHAT... THE... FUCK?

How the shit is that a catch, but the Dez Bryant catch against Green Bay in the playoffs is not? Even by the letter of the rules that can't possibly be considered a fucking catch especially not on a TD as we've already seen this year. It's just beyond belief how shitty that call was and how shitty the rule about what a catch is now.

They are "claiming" it is a difference based on the the ground rather than another player. So if the ground is involved, no touchdown catch... player jarring it loose? well he broke the plain of the goal line. Which, IMHO, is a bunch of horseshit. You either break the plane of the goal line or not, and once you do, the play is over and whatever happens next doesn't matter. Watch a running back stretch for the goal line or pylon and then lose it as he gets slammed... but hey, the nose of the ball crossed, done and done. *sigh...

And the Browns... oh McCown. Thanks for the interception in the 4th while moving into field goal range. Pocket collapsing, no one open, you are getting pulled down, sling it up for coverage to eat for lunch. The only thing that made it somewhat forgettable was watching the Broncos screw up the last 11 seconds because your receiver took a lap into the endzone and a breather instead of getting to the line.

But of course, any hope the Broncos gave in moving the game to overtime was quickly screwed up by the Browns... And I was wearing my sweatshirt that I only rediscovered in my closet too. Time to lose it again. In all sincerity, I really wish I could quit the Browns. I may have a mental illness at this point.

The comparison that's had me giggling all day is several people asking if the snapper was silently going 'Leeeeroy Jenkins' in his head when he did that.

I haven't been that close to having a stroke during a game since Tebow was under center. Everytime Peyton was able to be peyton, stuff starting clicking... until DT would drop a ball that was aimed right at him.

But... then there's this: https://vine.co/v/e9viOh1HExH

That was his throwing shoulder :ye_gods: