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calapine
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Reply #280 on: March 01, 2015, 03:45:42 PM

That's because you were crazy before you stopped sleeping. Heart

Lanty, crazy is not the preferred nomenclature here. 'Lovably eccentric', please.

---

I keep wanting to write something about my inner state. Mostly due to an urge of talkativeness, not because it would be interesting. But I am either home from a day of clinic and too knackered too write something coherent. Or like now on the weekend too drunk (trying to de-stress) to write something coherent.

Lucky you.  Oh ho ho ho. Reallllly?

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Reply #281 on: March 01, 2015, 06:36:21 PM

Since it is often beneficial to others to know that they're not the only ones who are all fucked in the head:

I realized a few days ago that I literally can't remember the last time I woke up and felt happy to be alive.  Mostly I wake up feeling like absolute shit and if I'm lucky the endorphins from my morning workout get me to an emotionally functional state that persists for the rest of the day.  If I'm not lucky I just trudge through the next 16 hours out of a grim sense of duty until I can blessedly lose consciousness and do it all again the next morning.  People always seem impressed when I tell them I go to the gym each and every morning; I don't know how to explain that it's a matter of survival at this point.

I'd go back to seeing a shrink if my health plan still covered that, but I feel like the stress of going broke might outweigh the benefits of therapy.  So...   why so serious?

"I have not actually recommended many games, and I'll go on the record here saying my track record is probably best in the industry." - schild
Morat20
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Reply #282 on: March 01, 2015, 06:53:31 PM

You should check your health plan. To be ACA compliant, I believe it HAS to cover mental health. I don't know where you work or how your health plan is handled (if it's a small enough business then they don't have to offer health plans, and if they do they don't have to be ACA compliant). And of course if it's a high-deductible plan, you'll be paying out of pocket anyways...

Those requirements went into effect in 2014, though. It's worth checking out.
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Reply #283 on: March 01, 2015, 07:05:11 PM

I think theoretically my plan covers mental health, but the last time I checked (which was in 2011, after we switched plans from Healthnet to the Anthem shitweasels) it was not possible to actually get a list of covered providers from them.  After a month of alternately trying their website (which had perpetual technical difficulties), calling them up, and asking our HR department for help, I gave up and just paid my shrink out of pocket until I had gotten past the immediate trauma I was dealing with at the time well enough to be functional on my own.  Might be worth giving it another shot now that it's four years later and I'm still going through long spells of feeling nonspecifically shitty. 

I also kind of hate the idea of shopping for and breaking in a new shrink; I really liked my old one.  Le sigh.

"I have not actually recommended many games, and I'll go on the record here saying my track record is probably best in the industry." - schild
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Reply #284 on: March 01, 2015, 07:21:03 PM

Oh, is this the thread we share feelings in?

So, pretty sure I'm headed to a break-up with the girl I've been seeing...maybe not the next time I fly out to see her (been doing distance), but likely some point later this year?

The shitty part? It's not like we don't get along or don't care about each other a lot. Nope - it's my job, and now she's having serious doubts about the possibility of moving up to DC with me Summer 2016 and whatever would come after that. We've known each other for a while so she already had a very general idea of how my job works, with moving and everything. And we'd already talked a bit about me taking an assignment back in DC if we're looking good this summer, because I basically have to start the process of securing my next assignment about 10 months in advance. Everything would probably be fine if I had a normal job.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it'll work out, and she's just on her period or stressed from work or something, but...efffff.  undecided

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Reply #285 on: March 01, 2015, 07:32:11 PM

Samwise,

I'd check it again. Part of the ACA was some real teeth about mental health care (including substance abuse). I double checked -- those regs went into effect in 2014. So if your company falls under the ACA's rule (I think more than 50 employees?) or it's a plan off the Exchange, it's got to include real, actual, mental health coverage.

If it's there, you might as well take advantage of it.
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Reply #286 on: March 01, 2015, 07:41:20 PM

To break the downer mood: I'm actually in a better place emotionally/psychologically right now than I had been in at least 5 years before I got accepted at school. I don't know if it's lots of little things finally going right, no additional big things going wrong, or what, but I'm even getting along better with my ex-wife than I did for the last 4 years we were married (not that she doesn't do things that bug me, just that they no longer drive me crazy).

It's not like everything is coming up roses, or that I don't have some very daunting challenges facing me. Just that it no longer feels like I am fighting a hopeless defense against a hostile universe, never mind having given up and rolled into a ball to wait for it to get tired of kicking me.

--Dave

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Reply #287 on: March 01, 2015, 08:04:30 PM

Oh, is this the thread we share feelings in?

So, pretty sure I'm headed to a break-up with the girl I've been seeing...maybe not the next time I fly out to see her (been doing distance), but likely some point later this year?

The shitty part? It's not like we don't get along or don't care about each other a lot. Nope - it's my job, and now she's having serious doubts about the possibility of moving up to DC with me Summer 2016 and whatever would come after that. We've known each other for a while so she already had a very general idea of how my job works, with moving and everything. And we'd already talked a bit about me taking an assignment back in DC if we're looking good this summer, because I basically have to start the process of securing my next assignment about 10 months in advance. Everything would probably be fine if I had a normal job.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it'll work out, and she's just on her period or stressed from work or something, but...efffff.  undecided

That sucks. It sounds like you need to have a person who doesn't like being tied down to one place and then get married. It's tough to get people to move around with you without a commitment.

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Reply #288 on: March 01, 2015, 09:33:26 PM

That sucks. It sounds like you need to have a person who doesn't like being tied down to one place and then get married. It's tough to get people to move around with you without a commitment.

Pretty much. And the way the regs work, marriage is pretty much required...which has the side-effect of meaning that the foreign service has an elevated divorce rate.

To expand a bit, we also talked about a few other things - she wants to get her PhD at some point, for which I could stay in domestic assignments for a few years to allow her to get (in education). But after that? There's no way I can guarantee her that she'll be able to use it or otherwise have a rewarding job wherever we go (probably a huge factor in that divorce rate).

My past roommate and I spoke about the difficulties in dating with this job - his ex left him after they had jointly decided on his onward assignment, and she later got cold feet and broke up with him (luckily, he's happily married now). A lot of people solve this issue in one of 2 or 3 ways:

 - Marry a young chick who is more concerned about popping out kids and starting a family than having their own professional career
 - Marry another foreign service officer, and deal with the nonsense involved in trying to get posted to the same place
 - Marry a foreign chick who doesn't mind following you around?

I don't know anyone who falls into the first category, and I'm not really looking for a family right now anyway. I don't have any options along the lines of #2 here, as I directly, indirectly, or tangentially supervise something like 95% of the female Americans at post. And honestly I'm not sure how the third one works - I think you see a lot more of this for guys coming out of developing Asian or eastern European countries; however, I'm not looking to be someone's Golden Ticket.

 swamp poop

Though honestly, however this shakes out, I'll probably handle it better than I would have when I was younger, and I will have enjoyed the time regardless, so that's a plus I guess.

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Reply #289 on: March 02, 2015, 06:33:34 AM

PhD in what if you don't mind me asking?

Reason I ask is that for many of my past clients, they typically voiced one major regret to me that they probably wouldn't say to anybody else or even to their wives. That regret was funding their wife's education when she later decided to work part-time, or stop working entirely when they had kids. A lot of them had major resentment that their spouse wanted to get a degree that was in a field that made nothing, and then gave it up or worse will never make up the cost even working in the field.

It's one thing to marry a woman who wants a career and you're both on the same page. It's entirely another when you marry a woman whose career won't even cover the costs of child support it takes to fund that career. And I'm making this gender specific since your'e a guy, but this can work with either the husband or wife. There's plenty of times I had to sit people down and tell them they were paying somebody to raise their child and losing money in the process over just staying at home.

If you never have kids or the career is mobile, this is entirely different.

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Reply #290 on: March 02, 2015, 07:58:43 AM

That sucks. It sounds like you need to have a person who doesn't like being tied down to one place and then get married. It's tough to get people to move around with you without a commitment.

Pretty much. And the way the regs work, marriage is pretty much required...which has the side-effect of meaning that the foreign service has an elevated divorce rate.
Can't you just get her on your orders, so she can come down to live with you in Mexico?  I've never looked at the process, but thats what I'm always told to do with girlfriends.  I was actually told be several people when it looked like I was being sent to isolated Freetown, to just get some girlfriend on my orders to come with me.  Bang her until she gets tired of the place and leaves, then convince another to come down.   awesome, for real

Quote
- Marry a young chick who is more concerned about popping out kids and starting a family than having their own professional career
 - Marry another foreign service officer, and deal with the nonsense involved in trying to get posted to the same place
 - Marry a foreign chick who doesn't mind following you around?

I don't know anyone who falls into the first category, and I'm not really looking for a family right now anyway. I don't have any options along the lines of #2 here, as I directly, indirectly, or tangentially supervise something like 95% of the female Americans at post. And honestly I'm not sure how the third one works - I think you see a lot more of this for guys coming out of developing Asian or eastern European countries; however, I'm not looking to be someone's Golden Ticket.
Number three is frankly the best bet in this job if you joined before getting married.  I'm not terribly interested in marriage, but if I do, it pretty much has to be to a foreign girl.  I'm not going to be back dating in the US any time soon (and most Americans are afraid at the thought of not living in one place for a long time, or even *gasp*, living in a developing country), and foreign chicks seem more chill about the lifestyle.  You do have to watch your ass for people just looking for a golden ticket out (had to fight off some of that even here in Poland), but there are plenty of normal/awesome girls you can find in your travels.

Best bet my friends and I have found is to stick to educated girls from the high society/wealthy families of the country (or at the very least, college educated or going to college).  They really have no reason to use you as a golden ticket, but your wealth (in relation to most of the country) , status (diplomat still carries a LOT of weight in many places), and quite frankly your whiteness (depending on the country),  gets you in the door of acceptable dating material to that realm of society.  Most of the girls you find there tend to be legitimately interested in you if you start dating. 

TL;DR:  Just try not to be the dude who's 60 with a 18 (if that) Thai wife, who thinks that happened because of how awesome he is.

Of course, I'm heading to mother Russia next, so I'm just going to immediately distrust and write off every single girl I meet (still date them though).

Really shitty situation though dude, I'm sorry to hear it.  I've known several other people who have gone through the same thing.  But the frank situation is, unless she's willing to follow you around the world and in many cases never get to use that PhD (unless you decide to do nothing but EUR tours the rest of your career), or you’re willing to quite the FS, there’s not a lot of easy ways to make it work.

"My great-grandfather did not travel across four thousand miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this nation overrun by immigrants.  He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland. That's the rumor."
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Reply #291 on: March 02, 2015, 07:36:50 PM

PhD in what if you don't mind me asking?

Education.

Can't you just get her on your orders, so she can come down to live with you in Mexico?  I've never looked at the process, but thats what I'm always told to do with girlfriends.  I was actually told be several people when it looked like I was being sent to isolated Freetown, to just get some girlfriend on my orders to come with me.  Bang her until she gets tired of the place and leaves, then convince another to come down.   awesome, for real

Possibly? I don't know really - I thought the regs were re-written a few years ago to help out the same-sex couples, basically to say that you must be married if you can be in your state of residence? My old roommate looked into, and I trust him to do a decent job of the research. As for the rest - that's awfully cynical, even for me. I don't think I really know any women who would fit that profile, anyway - they're all in grad school or have their own jobs.

More things!

Yeah, I know - and a lot of folks do it, especially in Mexico if the reputation is to be believed. And yeah, most Americans are afraid to move out of the town they grew up in, much less move to other countries every 2-3 years or so (gross generalization).

The part that sucks is that Monterrey is just...weird. Most Mexicans don't even particularly like the folks here because they're stuck-up, ESPECIALLY the folks from San Pedro...which, incidentally, is where I have a 1am-6am curfew due to narcononsense. A lot of what you say makes perfect sense, and I've even seen it in action, but society here is surprisingly closed and insular from a dating standpoint - many folks have a hell of a time breaking into folks' established social circles, including a close friend/colleague of mine who is actually Mexican herself.

In the end, I think we're both coming to the same conclusion that, in the end, this isn't going to work - she would be miserable if we're posted somewhere and she doesn't have any sort of rewarding work to do, and I can't really guarantee it could always be avoided nor would I ask her to do that. And she's moved around a bit more than she'd like over the last few years and is coming to the realization that it's perhaps not a good idea to move far away for a guy...again.

And clearly, I'm not going to toss my commission in the trash and walk away, just to move to Atlanta and do...who the fuck knows what? Even if I could somehow get a position there for 2-3 years, I think it'd be delaying the inevitable.

Which is really sad, because we otherwise work out well together, and it'd be awesome to travel around to all sorts of crazy places with her...pero, esto es la vida.  Ohhhhh, I see.

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Reply #292 on: March 03, 2015, 05:15:46 AM

Can't you just get her on your orders, so she can come down to live with you in Mexico?  I've never looked at the process, but thats what I'm always told to do with girlfriends.  I was actually told be several people when it looked like I was being sent to isolated Freetown, to just get some girlfriend on my orders to come with me.  Bang her until she gets tired of the place and leaves, then convince another to come down.   awesome, for real

Possibly? I don't know really - I thought the regs were re-written a few years ago to help out the same-sex couples, basically to say that you must be married if you can be in your state of residence? My old roommate looked into, and I trust him to do a decent job of the research. As for the rest - that's awfully cynical, even for me. I don't think I really know any women who would fit that profile, anyway - they're all in grad school or have their own jobs.
Yeah, I (probably) never would do something like that.  Just thought it was funny people kept telling me to (there are a lot of shady people in the FS, heh).

I just checked the regs for Member of Household.  From what I just read, they can stay with you at your residence.  They don't get very many perks (all travel is on their own dime, no medical privileges at the embassy, ect.), but they can stay with you.  But I know some other people who had problems getting their girlfriends in as well, so maybe it’s not as straight forward as I'm seeing in the regs.
Quote
More things!

Yeah, I know - and a lot of folks do it, especially in Mexico if the reputation is to be believed. And yeah, most Americans are afraid to move out of the town they grew up in, much less move to other countries every 2-3 years or so (gross generalization).

The part that sucks is that Monterrey is just...weird. Most Mexicans don't even particularly like the folks here because they're stuck-up, ESPECIALLY the folks from San Pedro...which, incidentally, is where I have a 1am-6am curfew due to narcononsense. A lot of what you say makes perfect sense, and I've even seen it in action, but society here is surprisingly closed and insular from a dating standpoint - many folks have a hell of a time breaking into folks' established social circles, including a close friend/colleague of mine who is actually Mexican herself.

In the end, I think we're both coming to the same conclusion that, in the end, this isn't going to work - she would be miserable if we're posted somewhere and she doesn't have any sort of rewarding work to do, and I can't really guarantee it could always be avoided nor would I ask her to do that. And she's moved around a bit more than she'd like over the last few years and is coming to the realization that it's perhaps not a good idea to move far away for a guy...again.

And clearly, I'm not going to toss my commission in the trash and walk away, just to move to Atlanta and do...who the fuck knows what? Even if I could somehow get a position there for 2-3 years, I think it'd be delaying the inevitable.

Which is really sad, because we otherwise work out well together, and it'd be awesome to travel around to all sorts of crazy places with her...pero, esto es la vida.  Ohhhhh, I see.
Yeah, it can be hard depending on where you’re at.  Though we have a second tour officer here who came from Monterrey.  Accompanied by his new very beautiful, classy, and charming Mexican wife.  I’ll ask if he has any tips.

But best of luck man, it’s a shitty situation.  Hope something can work out.  Just one of the drawbacks to the job (but what an awesome job it is otherwise).

"My great-grandfather did not travel across four thousand miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this nation overrun by immigrants.  He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland. That's the rumor."
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Paelos
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Reply #293 on: March 03, 2015, 05:49:48 AM

At least with education you can somewhat translate that maybe? Either way this doesn't sound great for the long term, as you've judged. I like the foreign chick idea. You're in the foreign service! It works!

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Reply #294 on: March 03, 2015, 09:02:01 PM

At least with education you can somewhat translate that maybe? Either way this doesn't sound great for the long term, as you've judged. I like the foreign chick idea. You're in the foreign service! It works!

Eh, most jobs you'd think would transferable are much less so in this profession - in most countries, spouses have no authorization to work on the local economy, and even when they do...well, you'd have to know the local language, and often the compensation is low. There are also jobs at the Embassy/Consulate, but honestly many of those can tend to be less than fully-satisfying from a professional standpoint.

Telework is possible for some folks, but it really depends.

As for the foreign chick thing, it's really a mixed bag, again depending on where you are.

Fear the Backstab!
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Reply #295 on: March 03, 2015, 09:09:26 PM

Follow up question, do you enjoy your work?

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Reply #296 on: March 03, 2015, 10:10:34 PM

By and large, yes.

Fear the Backstab!
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Reply #297 on: March 04, 2015, 05:57:20 AM

Well then, it sounds like you have a good handle on the drawbacks of a job you love. Other than the inevitable fallout of the relationships that don't conform to that lifestyle, I think you are very well-adjusted to the consequences, and that's a good thing. Because with relationships it really only takes one good one.

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Reply #298 on: March 04, 2015, 11:28:33 AM

As for the foreign chick thing, it's really a mixed bag, again depending on where you are.
Which means there are certain other aspects than just career advancement you should be looking into when you're bidding as a single man.  I know I certainly do!   awesome, for real

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Reply #299 on: March 04, 2015, 11:51:52 AM

The term "Married to your job keeps coming to mind....
Strazos
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Reply #300 on: March 04, 2015, 06:16:32 PM

To be fair, this is usually thought of as a career - much more than a "normal" job, and requiring a fair bit more commitment than most.

It does, however, have some very significant drawbacks. It's definitely not for everyone.

Fear the Backstab!
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Reply #301 on: March 04, 2015, 07:06:56 PM

Yeah, there are certain parts of the government that are still set up as lifetime gigs, the sacrifices necessary to do them for more than a few years are so great, once you've made that investment it doesn't make any sense *not* to go the distance. Military, Intelligence, Foreign Service, all on that list, you can't 'revolving door' in and out of them.

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Reply #302 on: March 04, 2015, 08:58:31 PM

Yeah, there are certain parts of the government that are still set up as lifetime gigs, the sacrifices necessary to do them for more than a few years are so great, once you've made that investment it doesn't make any sense *not* to go the distance. Military, Intelligence, Foreign Service, all on that list, you can't 'revolving door' in and out of them.

--Dave
Friend of mine joined the FBI over a decade ago -- he just moved back to town after more than a decade away. He wanted to come back to Houston from the beginning. I don't remember what he said the deal was, but he was pretty firm that the FBI wasn't going to station him in his home town until he'd been in for several years. (And even then, he'd have to wait for an opening).

It wasn't just "you'll go where your job is" -- it was "We explicitly want you to be in other places before settling down to a given branch or region".
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Reply #303 on: March 05, 2015, 05:28:08 AM

I'm bieng officially assesed for Autistic disorder. The psychologist, who was lovely, basicly said flat out that by her reconing I'm almost certain to be found to be on the spectrum. Not sure what difference it will make at this point as I'm full of coping mechanisms and am almost a social hermit, but it will me nice to have a label I guess, even though "on the spectrum" gives you zero browny points as opposed to full blown Autistic.

Yey. 2015.

I thought you had been confirmed as Aspie years ago or was that a self diagnosis?

I was diagnosed with an ASC (Autistic Spectrum Condition - apparently they don't describe it as a Disorder anymore) last year. Despite having a plethora of coping mechanisms in place, the diagnosis has been more useful than not and has salvaged my marriage (after a fashion), made my working life a little easier and given me answers to questions about my previous relationships and younger life that have bothered me for years. I still don't get any brownie points though, just more grief from my nearest and dearest. Even my 6yo daughter looks at me patronizingly and says "Is this because you have Asperger's, daddy?"  why so serious?

Good on you for going for an assessment though - I hope it does make some difference for you.

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Reply #304 on: March 07, 2015, 05:40:00 PM

I thought you had been confirmed as Aspie years ago or was that a self diagnosis?
,,,
Good on you for going for an assessment though - I hope it does make some difference for you.

Self diagnoses, mainly. It has slowly become obvious that I have had problems that simple depression don't cover.

I have no idea if it will make a difference or not. To be honest I am really uncertain about it, but hey

Hic sunt dracones.
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Reply #305 on: March 08, 2015, 01:29:37 PM

I skipped two days of day-clinic. First day I called in the morning, trying to explain ("I feel stressed. I don't want to see anyone"). Their response was "come anyway", I said "ok, I will do that." Not that I had any intention do it at that moment, but I didn't dare to say that, so just "yes, yes, sure" and then hangup.

Friday I felt better, but the thought of going in there after what happened last days, having to face the doctor, explain myself... So I just turned of my phone and stayed in.

Now I am going Monday and dreading the day already. Consequence of this is probably being kicked out (2 days missed without excuse). I would have finished next week anyway, so it's basically just a fews days more or less.  But instead of going out with my head held up I failed again.

There is nothing else which is so self-defeating and just washes away any sense of self-worth like pulling this kind of shit. Acting like a 14 year old would do.

I used to like to go there, but now I don't want to see anyone there any more. I want to be be respected/taken seriously (who doesnt?) but how can when acting this way. I can't even look myself in the eye.
« Last Edit: March 08, 2015, 01:34:40 PM by calapine »

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Reply #306 on: March 08, 2015, 07:49:24 PM

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. The way out for me was asking myself, 'how would I react if it wasn't me, but a good friend of mine that had behaved like that? What would I think of them?'. If you look at your actions as if they were done by someone you care about, you'd probably cut them a break :) It did take therapy for me to get there...

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Reply #307 on: March 08, 2015, 11:09:43 PM

This isn't a homework assignment, its how you feel. Go to feel better or not at all. Maybe I don't know the situation well, but the last thing you should be doing is beating yourself up.

I should get back to nature, too.  You know, like going to a shop for groceries instead of the computer.  Maybe a condo in the woods that doesn't even have a health club or restaurant attached.  Buy a car with only two cup holders or something. -Signe

I LIKE being bounced around by Tonkors. - Lantyssa

Babies shooting themselves in the head is the state bird of West Virginia. - schild
Paelos
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Reply #308 on: March 09, 2015, 05:51:50 AM

What is day clinic?

CPA, CFO, Sports Fan, Game when I have the time
lamaros
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Reply #309 on: March 09, 2015, 06:09:28 AM

This isn't a homework assignment, its how you feel. Go to feel better or not at all. Maybe I don't know the situation well, but the last thing you should be doing is beating yourself up.

Knowing something and doing and feeling it aren't always easy, unfortunately. Especially if you have a mental illness.

Last few weeks have been quite bad over here. A lot of progress had been made but its gone backward pretty quickly. I'm struggling to handle it, but all I can do it try to stay healthy myself (which has been hard) and give the best support. Hard to know exactly what that is though...
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Reply #310 on: March 20, 2015, 03:29:08 AM

What's best about depression, ptsd and the like is that you can be tootling along for about a year and a half with no problems then all of a sudden a panic attack will hit you and cripple you for about 24 hours for absolutely no fucking reason.

Then again, 18 months between episodes is probably not too bad on the grand scale of things.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Paelos
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Reply #311 on: March 20, 2015, 06:14:46 AM

Yeah they are sneaky like that.

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Reply #312 on: March 20, 2015, 10:15:58 PM

I finished Daniel Goleman's book Emotional Intelligence. It was a good read on how critical emotional education is to healthy development, what happens when it isn't received, and obstacles to acquiring EQ.

I got choked up when I read about "remedial emotional skills education" for counteracting missing developmental milestones. I think of myself as intelligent but this book reinforces the extreme deficits in my life, so much so that I am barely aware of that absence most of the time.

Depression and mental health issues are potential outcomes of poor emotional regulation skills. Well worth anyone but a hawk's time.

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When she crossed over, she was just a ship. But when she came back... she was bullshit!


Reply #313 on: March 20, 2015, 11:15:01 PM

I think that it's safe to say that a lot of us have attributes associated with the Autistic Spectrum. Doesn't mean we're diagnosable, just that we share the characteristic shortfall of unconscious social and emotional awareness. We have to intellectualize it (at least I do) or distance ourselves ("go flat"), and if we let ourselves get engaged in the insanely complicated social fabric our lack of understanding often turns into panic/fear reactions. It's not supposed to be that complicated, we see how other people "just know" the right things to do or say, the effortless way that they navigate the tripwires and traps of complex social interaction, and it just baffles us. It's like there's this whole extra dimension to reality that just isn't *there* for us, we see it projected onto the dimensions we see, but we can only deduce and infer it, never "see" it directly..

We wind up on a "slow burn" sort of arc when it comes to emotional maturity and management, like many high-functioning ASD cases. What we understand, we understand extremely well because we have had to think it through rigorously, but we are constantly on watch for the signs that a deficit in our knowledge has created a blind spot, we learn to recognize the discomfort and confusion in others that signals that we have, once again, failed to respond properly to a social cue. But especially in our late teens through 20's, we're way behind the curve, often socially isolated, and vulnerable to depression just because we can never escape the feeling (and often the pronouncement from others) that there's something fundamentally wrong with us.

But, it gets better. Bit by bit you build up the knowledge and experience to navigate these unseen dimensions, go beyond mere coping mechanisms to an actual, useful, approximation of the social unconscious. Eventually, somebody has to know you well to realize that you're not just a little quirky, but closer to being an alien trapped in a human host. And with a little luck and practice, that will be confined to people you can trust.

The really good part: Those masks that people project to keep other people from seeing what they're really like? Those are in the extra dimensions, we don't have to be fooled.

--Dave

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Reply #314 on: March 28, 2015, 04:07:07 PM

This week has been bad. Major depressive episode. When I am in the middle of it I try to spend my way out of it: excess spending and binge eating. I drank so much coffee Thursday and spent so much time awake that I was numb at the end of the evening and spent most of Friday asleep with a headache from withdrawal.

A series of events triggered the episode: not enough social contact then feeling compelled to sever a damaged relationship that meant something to me but I had an irrational view on: a female friend I lusted after and was too deluded to accept it wasn't going to happen... for two years.

This is not one of those posts where I am asking for advice. I have been in therapy long enough to understand what the healthy decisions are. My trouble is making them. There is a carrot missing to keep me on track, when I am not trying to stuff myself for a small hit of dopamine.
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