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f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  General Discussion  |  Serious Business  |  Topic: Depression Thread 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
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Author Topic: Depression Thread  (Read 26558 times)
Samwise
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Reply #350 on: April 11, 2015, 02:07:01 PM

Did anyone see the breakdown of a nice guy rant on reddit? I felt like such shit after reading it because there's a grain of truth to it and I see myself as having negative "nice guy" behaviors. It's the idea of championing something about yourself that's immature, and the real issue being your inability to overcome that struggle and be mature.

There's a fine (possibly nonexistent) line between being a "nice guy" and being a doormat with no self esteem.  Hence the truth in that post.

When I was last in therapy one of the pieces of advice my shrink gave me was to work on being an asshole.  She figured that with my natural doormat tendencies it was not possible for me to actually become an asshole, so if I just aimed for that target I'd be moving my interpersonal interactions in the right direction.

 why so serious?

"Nice attempted blast about my "drinking".  I do enjoy a nice cuppa, but that is because I am a bon vivant of gregarious nature and cheery disposition." - Ab
calapine
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Reply #351 on: April 11, 2015, 04:02:36 PM


There's a fine (possibly non-existent) line between being a "nice guy" and being a doormat with no self esteem.  Hence the truth in that post.

When I was last in therapy one of the pieces of advice my shrink gave me was to work on being an asshole.  She figured that with my natural doormat tendencies it was not possible for me to actually become an asshole, so if I just aimed for that target I'd be moving my interpersonal interactions in the right direction.

 why so serious?

I think that line (the distinction) is actually quite obvious, but I am not eloquent enough for a proper explanation. It's sort of "You know it when you see it." Too nice, shy, self doubts, etc isn't off putting per se, (even self destructive behaviour can be intriguing in a way), but when someone radiates a sort of self hate and fatalistic self-deprecation than it is very unattractive. IE Not someone who still struggles against his issues, but when you get the feeling this person has already given them-self up. No one wants to board a sinking ship.

As long as there is some "spark" alive there is a potential for attraction.

(IMHO and all that)
« Last Edit: April 11, 2015, 04:04:49 PM by calapine »

Restoration is a perfectly valid school of magic!
MahrinSkel
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Reply #352 on: April 11, 2015, 04:18:53 PM

I just...wow. I think you're trying way too hard, waaaay overthinking things.
That was you missing the point; "Overthinking" it is the only option, the automatic intuitive understanding of social context most people have isn't there for me. My choices are semi-autistic emotional flatness, dysfunctional social weirdness (and accompanying emotional unpleasantness), or "overthinking", intellectualizing and explicitly deconstructing what most people just pick up by osmosis and imitation.

The first is easiest, and what I have to fall back on when my circumstances move outside my intellectualized framework (read: when I get it wrong and go off a cliff that I didn't see), the second is a slice of hell, the third is a lot of work and took a lot of spadework, but lets me see past some of the reassuring nonsense that people use to reconcile what they want to believe about themselves, what they want other people to believe about them, and what they actually do.

It's not that I am overthinking it, it's that most people aren't actually aware of most of the unconscious thinking they do about social context, so they just assume everyone else has that same set of precepts.

--Dave

--Jello Biafra: "If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve."
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Reply #353 on: April 11, 2015, 05:16:37 PM

Of all the people on f13 Strazos, 17 year old you should relate to Maven now.

You were as awkward as they came back uhhh whenever that was.
Strazos
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Reply #354 on: April 11, 2015, 10:42:41 PM

For the record, I was 21 when I started over here, but the point is taken.

That being said, I don't recall ever trying to deconstruct the behaviors of other people to this degree, or this much analysis into trying to articulate who "I" am. Heck, I probably couldn't do that last part now even if I wanted to.

I guess I just don't get it.

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Margalis
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Reply #355 on: April 11, 2015, 10:45:28 PM

Some cultures believe that twins share a soul, and in order to be made whole one twin must kill the other and eat their heart.

Just something to ponder.

vampirehipi23: I would enjoy a book written by a monkey and turned into a movie rather than this.
MahrinSkel
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Reply #356 on: April 11, 2015, 11:10:35 PM

Twenty years ago, I wouldn't have been nearly as coherent. Five years ago, I wouldn't have been nearly as verbose. My version of a midlife crisis.

--Dave

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Maven
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Reply #357 on: April 11, 2015, 11:24:59 PM

Psychology is complicated, imperfect, and in unusually high focus if you've got issues. A friend of mine focused on abnormal psychology in literature because of how she felt about herself.

Overthinking is one of the most common observations I get when I share my thought process, and I'm certain it is closely tied to anxiety or some other depressive cycle. I can't or don't cleave through the miasma.

Some cultures believe that twins share a soul, and in order to be made whole one twin must kill the other and eat their heart.

Just something to ponder.

I tred for years to be "better" than him. I don't really know him anymore nor have a relationship. He was once visiting my area and made no effort to reach out nor contact me. So this extreme self-centeredness isn't just my problem.

And don't worry, I get you were making a joke, but he did try to commit suicide once and I have no idea how I would react should someone in my immediate family die. Maybe I'd snap out of this then.
« Last Edit: April 11, 2015, 11:27:30 PM by Maven »
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Reply #358 on: April 12, 2015, 12:41:24 AM

Are you good at trivia?

Maven
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Reply #359 on: April 12, 2015, 11:33:05 AM

No, but I'm an expert at murdering people with words.
Lantyssa
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Reply #360 on: April 12, 2015, 02:36:10 PM

"Words"?

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
Paelos
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Reply #361 on: April 12, 2015, 03:12:05 PM

We've answered questions about as well as we can given how we've gone through stuff. The point of this thread is to realize you're not alone and that other people have struggled with things.

That being said, this isn't a personal blog.

This isn't a substitute for therapy, and many therapists will likely tell that what gets said there stays there.

So either follow the instructions that almost everyone has said and continue to get professional help, or suffer the consequences of self-destructive behavior. Because at this point, we've covered the issue.

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schild
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Reply #362 on: April 12, 2015, 03:14:04 PM

No, but I'm an expert at murdering people with words.
This is a bit of poking the bear, but I don't care.

I'm 100% sure I could make you fold like a cheap suit in 8 words or less. You need to never, ever think like that.
Pennilenko
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Reply #363 on: April 12, 2015, 06:24:37 PM

It was only a matter of time before the intensely cathartic nature of this thread changed into something else.

"See?  All of you are unique.  And special.  Like fucking snowflakes."  -- Signe
Maven
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Reply #364 on: April 12, 2015, 07:12:53 PM

I was making a self-depreciating joke.  Ohhhhh, I see.
Pennilenko
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Reply #365 on: April 12, 2015, 07:20:14 PM

I was making a self-depreciating joke.  Ohhhhh, I see.
You should never joke about losing value...

Edit: It would really go a long way to helping you out by finding the right balance of sharing here. These forums can be a great place where personal growth can occur. Unfortunately, too much familiarity can have the reverse effect. I find the best strategy here is to share a little and then give people space to share a little too. Then reflect on their experiences in comparison to your own.
« Last Edit: April 12, 2015, 07:24:11 PM by Pennilenko »

"See?  All of you are unique.  And special.  Like fucking snowflakes."  -- Signe
Azazel
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Reply #366 on: April 14, 2015, 02:25:36 AM

I have no idea how I would react should someone in my immediate family die. Maybe I'd snap out of this then.

Try it sometime. Not someone estranged. Someone you're really close to.

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Cheddar
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Reply #367 on: April 14, 2015, 07:24:26 PM

I was making a self-depreciating joke.  Ohhhhh, I see.

Stop smoking dope.  It is obvious you are trolling.

edit.  By the above I truly mean lay off the marijuana and googling about depression.  Obvious you need a life.
« Last Edit: April 14, 2015, 07:26:32 PM by Cheddar »

No Nerf, but I put a link to this very thread and I said that you all can guarantee for my purity. I even mentioned your case, and see if they can take a look at your lawn from a Michigan perspective.
Maven
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Reply #368 on: April 15, 2015, 12:13:23 AM

Who is trolling?

Wow, some of you... I get it now, this IS a terrible venue. Internet anything is a terrible medium for real issues. I'll continue with the professional help but it's on me to deconstruct my negative beliefs and put positive ones in their place.

Thanks to those of you who offered kind and supportive words. And schild.  Oh ho ho ho. Reallllly?
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Reply #369 on: April 15, 2015, 06:00:37 AM

I wasn't sure of your motives until that post.

"See?  All of you are unique.  And special.  Like fucking snowflakes."  -- Signe
Lantyssa
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Reply #370 on: April 15, 2015, 06:41:37 AM

I get it now, this IS a terrible venue. Internet anything is a terrible medium for real issues.
Yes, it is.

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
BobtheSomething
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Reply #371 on: July 09, 2015, 07:18:05 PM

Sometimes I feel I would prefer to be a fond memory than a continuing disappointment.   Not sure why it is such a persistent thought.
Samwise
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Reply #372 on: July 09, 2015, 11:30:08 PM

I don't know you, new fish, but I'll tell you this -- if you ever knew someone who offed themselves, you'd know that the clearest memories people have of them are not fond ones.

"Nice attempted blast about my "drinking".  I do enjoy a nice cuppa, but that is because I am a bon vivant of gregarious nature and cheery disposition." - Ab
Pennilenko
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Reply #373 on: July 10, 2015, 12:18:55 AM

Sometimes I feel I would prefer to be a fond memory than a continuing disappointment.   Not sure why it is such a persistent thought.
If you are being genuine, you need to speak to the people in your life about your feelings.

If you are trolling this thread in particular, you greatly misunderstand this place.

"See?  All of you are unique.  And special.  Like fucking snowflakes."  -- Signe
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Reply #374 on: July 10, 2015, 07:19:17 AM

What the fuck is going on in this thread  swamp poop

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Lantyssa
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Reply #375 on: July 10, 2015, 08:17:06 AM

I don't know you, new fish, but I'll tell you this -- if you ever knew someone who offed themselves, you'd know that the clearest memories people have of them are not fond ones.
I try to remember the good moments, but they're usually shattered by the very last one.  All it does is hurt the ones who would have the fond memories otherwise.

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
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Reply #376 on: July 10, 2015, 08:56:19 AM

I don't know you, new fish, but I'll tell you this -- if you ever knew someone who offed themselves, you'd know that the clearest memories people have of them are not fond ones.

I'm not talking about killing myself.  I'm not going to do that.  But sometimes I do feel like I'm not doing any favors by being in their lives. 

I tend to go through bad periods and then good periods.  Venting helps, because then I don't have to keep the thoughts to myself.  Keeping it bottled up just makes it worse.   I used to go to therapy, but that's not much of an option right now.  I find it more helpful to talk than to take personality altering medications. 
BobtheSomething
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Reply #377 on: July 10, 2015, 08:57:25 AM

Sometimes I feel I would prefer to be a fond memory than a continuing disappointment.   Not sure why it is such a persistent thought.
If you are being genuine, you need to speak to the people in your life about your feelings.

If you are trolling this thread in particular, you greatly misunderstand this place.

I have spoken with them and will continue to.  The people closest to me are not particularly understanding.
BobtheSomething
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Reply #378 on: July 10, 2015, 08:59:16 AM

I don't know you, new fish, but I'll tell you this -- if you ever knew someone who offed themselves, you'd know that the clearest memories people have of them are not fond ones.
I try to remember the good moments, but they're usually shattered by the very last one.  All it does is hurt the ones who would have the fond memories otherwise.

Two of my friends have committed suicide over the years.  I still have fond memories of them.
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Reply #379 on: July 10, 2015, 09:31:05 AM

Two of my friends have committed suicide over the years.  I still have fond memories of them.

Found out an ex-gf of mine took her own life 2 years ago this week. I found out about a month after it happened. We hadn't seen each other in about 10 years, but it still hit me like a brick. This was someone I did a lot of stuff with over the time we were together. It wasn't all nice and great, but the amount of stuff we did and places we saw together really struck me. I always thought I'd see her again and be able to chat about how life was and where it went. Not having that ability sucks, but that is selfish of me. She was bipolar and her depressive periods were intensely low points. I saw a few over the years so in a way, I understand why she chose not to go through any more of those periods. Still sucks - but like I said, for my own selfish reasons.

Her life and it was her choice - but it impacted me but denying the chance to speak to her again.

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Selby
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Reply #380 on: July 10, 2015, 02:42:16 PM

Two of my friends have committed suicide over the years.  I still have fond memories of them.
I've never had a problem with someone taking their own life if it's what they want.  It's a decision only they can make and I have no trouble with it.  Life is pretty miserable for a lot of people & I'd probably end up the same way depending on how some days go.  I remember the good times and bad alike, to this day I've never had it cloud my judgment or opinion of them.
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Reply #381 on: July 13, 2015, 08:56:19 AM

I think you guys are stuck on what you thought he meant as opposed to what he clarified himself as meaning--e.g., that feeling that I think often comes with depression that it would be better for other people to just leave them in the more conventional sense of the term--to stop being part of a couple, to stop being part of a family, to stop dragging friends down, to stop making other people feel like they have to help you. It's a common enough feeling for *anyone* with a serious chronic illness, really--a frustration with that sense of being a burden on people. I think depression may make it especially hard to evaluate clearly whether you are or are not a burden, not the least because it often makes it hard to see what you're deriving from the supportive presence of other people. If you already feel isolated and alone and unable to benefit from social connection, I think it's natural to think that you ought to be the way you feel and just moulder away in a little studio apartment by yourself.
Soln
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Reply #382 on: January 17, 2017, 08:56:23 PM

Arise.  Or stay prone if you wish.


2017:  we're going to need a bigger boat.  How is everyone doing?  IR suk. 
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Reply #383 on: January 17, 2017, 09:32:38 PM

I'm fine for two and half-ish more days.
Signe
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Muse.


Reply #384 on: January 17, 2017, 09:53:58 PM

And then what happens?  ACK!

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
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