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Abagadro
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Reply #140 on: February 21, 2014, 11:38:12 PM

Can I just say that despite my pathological aversion to physical contact with anyone except my immediate family that I want to give everyone in this thread a big hug?

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”

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Khaldun
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Reply #141 on: February 22, 2014, 07:03:16 AM

Hugs all around, yup. And really don't forget that an unasked, unprompted "So how ya doing, everything going ok?" or "hey, man, you're great" makes a huge difference. I've been pointing out for a long time where I work that while there are people who are mostly motivated by more money, or by being given a lighter workload later in return for a heavier one now, at least some significant plurality of my colleagues will put their heart and soul into something as long as someone notices and says so. At least some of depression and its siblings gets way worse if you can't feel your sense of connectedness and some sense of being appreciated (without that tipping into a sense that everyone depends on you and no one is holding you up, which is devastating).
Signe
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Reply #142 on: February 22, 2014, 08:31:00 AM

I was given a poison named Seraquil when I was really messed up.  I knew it was making me weird and even doing weird things to me physically but the doctor who prescribed it insisted that I needed an enhancement to my anti-depressants.  I took it for two months, gained nearly 60 pounds and became so lethargic and unfocused that my family freaked out.  He wouldn't take me off of it so I just stopped and, after a brief withdrawal period, I was much better.  So when your gut tells you (or you spouse/family) that something is wrong with a med, listen and check it out.  Some of them you have to decrease with time, though.  It's probably not wise to just stop cold turkey if you've been taking it for a while because it can hurt a bit.  I swear, though, I'd be dead if I had continued taking that stuff.

Slayerik is right about the Vitamin D.  I don't take fish oil (although my cat does) so I don't know about that one.  The research on Vitamin D deficiency and sunlight is kind of interesting, too.   I take it every day.

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Moaner
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Reply #143 on: February 22, 2014, 11:12:53 AM

At least some of depression and its siblings gets way worse if you can't feel your sense of connectedness and some sense of being appreciated (without that tipping into a sense that everyone depends on you and no one is holding you up, which is devastating).

It snowballs.  This was and remains a major issue for me.  I'm in a place where I don't connect with my friends any longer, I work a thankless job in which I'm pretty much the bottom rung of the ladder, and I'm in no way proud or even mildly happy about much of anything I've accomplished with my life.  I use these facts to beat the shit out of myself, and for most of my life I didn't think that would change.  However, 5 years ago I found a new psychiatrist who prescribed a completely new drug combo.  Within a few months, I was a new person.  I had interests other than escapist fantasies and I finally realized that I really hated my job.  

I still struggle every day.  Shit still sucks.  I often feel like as if my depression merely transformed into apathy.  However, I do feel better.  I'm working on a new degree, catching up on debt, and I actually interact with people upon occasion.  Better living through chemistry.  Jesus christ, I can't believe I'm sharing this.

Hugs all around.
« Last Edit: February 22, 2014, 03:00:28 PM by Moaner »

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Reply #144 on: February 22, 2014, 11:20:25 AM

I was given a poison named Seraquil when I was really messed up.  I knew it was making me weird and even doing weird things to me physically but the doctor who prescribed it insisted that I needed an enhancement to my anti-depressants.  I took it for two months, gained nearly 60 pounds and became so lethargic and unfocused that my family freaked out.  He wouldn't take me off of it so I just stopped and, after a brief withdrawal period, I was much better.  So when your gut tells you (or you spouse/family) that something is wrong with a med, listen and check it out.  Some of them you have to decrease with time, though.  It's probably not wise to just stop cold turkey if you've been taking it for a while because it can hurt a bit.  I swear, though, I'd be dead if I had continued taking that stuff.

Slayerik is right about the Vitamin D.  I don't take fish oil (although my cat does) so I don't know about that one.  The research on Vitamin D deficiency and sunlight is kind of interesting, too.   I take it every day.

Seroquel is a mean mean drug for an atypical. They were giving it to patients in the bipolar study I was managing when the person was not responding to an antidepressant. The side effects I read about these people having were creepy and unnerving. I'd pop just about any pill back in the hay day of my pharmaceutical taking days, but no way in hell would I touch atypicals. 

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Lantyssa
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Reply #145 on: February 23, 2014, 06:14:16 AM

Jesus christ, I can't believe I'm sharing this.

Hugs all around.
I'm glad you are.  It means you're doing better.  smiley

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
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Reply #146 on: February 23, 2014, 10:50:50 PM

Having severe case of self-negligence in the office.
Some errors I've committed are baffling. Was it really carelessness - maybe I didn't care enough?
Not sure if this is medical condition or what but I'm getting a severe talking down by my boss.
I'm starting to have serious case of self doubts and they were sometimes wrong, sometimes right.
Hell, I even rushed home after walking a block away from my apartment when the clouds grew dark.
I really thought I didn't close the window.
Ran home and stood there staring at the window -

Yeah, I did close it. I even made sure I did before locking up.



But I didn't believe myself.



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Reply #147 on: February 23, 2014, 11:52:58 PM

I don't really have much to contribute with, but... I find it's a pretty strange feeling to read about other people's problems and realize that the things you are struggling with yourself aren't necessarily that unique. Or significant in the grand scheme of things. You might think this would make it harder to feel sorry for yourself, but... heh ^^

Anyhow, carry on.

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Ironwood
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Reply #148 on: February 24, 2014, 02:00:47 AM

Personally, I think with what's happened over the last 10-15 years, we'd all be mad NOT to have some form of depression.

It's been a bit of a shit-show lately...

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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Reply #149 on: February 24, 2014, 07:53:43 AM

My life over the last decade has steadily gotten better and better, year after year.  I don't know what whats wrong with all of you.   why so serious?

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Reply #150 on: February 24, 2014, 07:57:15 AM

I don't know what whats wrong with all of you.   why so serious?

Are you really trolling a thread about depression?

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Reply #151 on: February 24, 2014, 08:14:32 AM

My comment was a response to Ironwood.  Joking obviously, but I guess I can see how it looks bad now.  Sorry.

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Reply #152 on: February 24, 2014, 08:58:37 AM

Can I just say that despite my pathological aversion to physical contact with anyone except my immediate family that I want to give everyone in this thread a big hug?

Let's get drunk first!

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Reply #153 on: February 24, 2014, 09:41:13 AM

So, a perfect example of the shit I deal with.

Today, I wake up feeling good, get up early, drink coffee and have breakfast, and sit down and get ready to work on some freelance stuff.....

... and then I read about Harold Ramis and now my brain has bogs down obsessing with the sadness of the moment. Sure, we all do because of a shared cultural heritage, but my brain just bogs down with this sort of stuff.

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Signe
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Reply #154 on: February 24, 2014, 10:04:50 AM

Do you work from home?  If you do, could that be part of the problem?  You know, being in the same place so much of the time with so little socialisation?   I rarely socialise but when I do, I feel good.  I used to have to be around a LOT of people in some of my old jobs.  I had to go to events and clubs and all sorts of crazy places.  Sometime I miss that but most of the time I'm glad not be forced to be friendly and enthusiastic.  Having said that, I bet that if I was still doing that sort of work I'd be a happier person.  Not that I'm totally unhappy because I'm really sort of in between.  Which is good for me since going from ecstatic to utter despair is really exhausting in every sense of the word (the word there being "exhausting"). 

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sickrubik
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Reply #155 on: February 24, 2014, 10:10:31 AM

As a brief note, I wasn't looking for suggestions. I've been medicated and I've done therapy. I got laid off in September, which hasn't helped. Haven't had many bites for a full time job, so I'm doing some freelance stuff for now.

I've battled depression my entire life. Emotional stuff hits me very, very hard. I'm an easy crier at movies, weddings, funerals, etc. Just really wanted to share an example of what people can go through, and that they're not alone.

Whenever I feel like I don't want to socialize, I force myself to socialize. That much I have a grip on. And being in the craft beer scene has actually helped me a tremendous amount, because with all the events, you get out quite a bit.

Edit: My response sounded terse. I understand how my post could have been taken that way. I try to be a lot more open about my mental issues, and this seemed like a good moment to share.
« Last Edit: February 24, 2014, 10:16:38 AM by sickrubik »

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Miasma
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Reply #156 on: February 24, 2014, 10:11:53 AM

Personally, I think with what's happened over the last 10-15 years, we'd all be mad NOT to have some form of depression.

It's been a bit of a shit-show lately...

... and then I read about Harold Ramis and now my brain has bogs down obsessing with the sadness of the moment. Sure, we all do because of a shared cultural heritage, but my brain just bogs down with this sort of stuff.
A lot of depressed people also have a high degree of empathy so we're much more upset when bad things happen to other people.

I got almost nothing done last week because I was obsessing over the events in Ukraine.  Had to take time off work because Syria upset me so much a few months ago.

Since there's just so much news and the internet can fling it at you so fast it's very hard to ignore.  You would think a thicker skin would be developed but that's not happening for me.  I'm getting more easily upset instead of less.  I've had to withdraw further and try to avoid more things, and it's not like I had many interests to begin with.
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Reply #157 on: February 24, 2014, 11:41:53 AM


... and then I read about Harold Ramis and now my brain has bogs down obsessing with the sadness of the moment. Sure, we all do because of a shared cultural heritage, but my brain just bogs down with this sort of stuff.

I've tried to wean myself off the news.  Even a skim through Google News is a recipe for disappointment.  I hate to be oblivious to the workings of the world.  However, I'm not going to change much of it in my day to day routine, so I tend to just let it pass by. 

Probably not the best course of action but it helps me.
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Reply #158 on: February 24, 2014, 03:01:44 PM

Oh my God! Reading this is crazy, I so want to come and get you all and take you out drinking or give you a big hug or fuck...I don't know...

My best friend and my son both have depression, but both are doing better. I see way to much of it in my line of work (more of a combination of burn out, PTSD, and depression/anxiety, maybe OCD/bi-polar too), and try and keep up on acute and long term treatment. All I can say is it is a case by case treatment. Some people may need a little, some may need a lot.

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Reply #159 on: February 24, 2014, 03:24:04 PM

It's comforting to know that this thread races the tits thread.

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rk47
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Reply #160 on: February 24, 2014, 06:03:59 PM

Maybe not being a virgin would give me superpowers.

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Reply #161 on: February 24, 2014, 10:59:35 PM

Oh my God! Reading this is crazy, I so want to come and get you all and take you out drinking or give you a big hug or fuck...I don't know...

You seem really nice and everything but I think I'd be happy with just the hug for now.  awesome, for real


Frivolities aside, one of the problems I have is that I often don't notice/realise when my little personal storm cloud has arrived. One of the signs that clues me in is sleep loss. When I'm not using the tools I've learned and when the depression is winning, I barely sleep, I have endless nights that feel like it's 3am forever. I disturb my wife, the cat gets annoyed, I get up and freeze half to death because I don't want to put the heating on in the middle of the night, and I spend the following days in a haze like a zombie underwater.

It's one of the things that exercise helps me with - I start to sleep better if I manage to physically wear myself out.

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Reply #162 on: February 24, 2014, 11:39:38 PM

I wish exercise helped with my sleeping problems; if anything I have a harder time getting to sleep after practice than I do on days when I don't have it. :/

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Reply #163 on: February 25, 2014, 12:12:17 AM

It's because you're SO PUMPED!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

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Reply #164 on: February 25, 2014, 12:18:40 AM

I do really boring exercise!

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Reply #165 on: February 25, 2014, 04:09:47 AM

My gf has had some episodes of depression. Although she is kind of refusing professional help, she kind of gets a substitute for what I guess would be group therapy by listening to the
Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast. I think it helped but she got most of her "swagger back" by starting to work out at a women's kickboxing gym. I guess seeing how you can transform and train your body to do certain things you couldn't do before kind of promotes a sense of being in control of one self and thus helps with controlling unwanted thought patterns that may lead to more serious episodes of mental distress.

Anyway, godspeed to everybody here dealing with that kind of stuff...

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Reply #166 on: February 25, 2014, 04:43:42 AM

I do really boring exercise!

We do kendo! Our first tournament is in March! Aiee!

My gf has had some episodes of depression. Although she is kind of refusing professional help, she kind of gets a substitute for what I guess would be group therapy by listening to the
Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast. I think it helped but she got most of her "swagger back" by starting to work out at a women's kickboxing gym. I guess seeing how you can transform and train your body to do certain things you couldn't do before kind of promotes a sense of being in control of one self and thus helps with controlling unwanted thought patterns that may lead to more serious episodes of mental distress.

Anyway, godspeed to everybody here dealing with that kind of stuff...

I don't know if kickboxing is the same, but the biggest thing I've noticed with Actually Doing Something Physical, once I actually start at practice, I don't ... I don't have brain space to Dwell, which is the main feature of my depression. Plus just ... learning something new and starting to get a handle on it is pretty dang satisfying. It gives me something to point to as something I'm actually ... I dunno. Doing. Doing is a big deal!

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Bungee
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Reply #167 on: February 25, 2014, 04:55:48 AM

I don't know if kickboxing is the same, but the biggest thing I've noticed with Actually Doing Something Physical, once I actually start at practice, I don't ... I don't have brain space to Dwell, which is the main feature of my depression. Plus just ... learning something new and starting to get a handle on it is pretty dang satisfying. It gives me something to point to as something I'm actually ... I dunno. Doing. Doing is a big deal!

Yeah, she also tries to keep busy with knitting, drawing and the likes. Keeping the mind from wandering to dangerous areas is I guess one of the biggest control factors. Also, what you pointed to with being able to pick something up and progress in it and get some kind of recognition for it is something that draws many people with depressive tendencies towards games. If only to get that quick fix of beating something and occupying the mind for a few hours.

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Reply #168 on: February 25, 2014, 08:07:10 PM

I wish exercise helped with my sleeping problems; if anything I have a harder time getting to sleep after practice than I do on days when I don't have it. :/

I am training for a couple of races right now, and I often end up training late due to work, etc. Chelated magnesium (250 mg) in the evening has helped me calm through the post-workout amped period and get sleep.

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Reply #169 on: February 25, 2014, 10:43:23 PM

being able to pick something up and progress in it and get some kind of recognition for it is something that draws many people with depressive tendencies towards games. If only to get that quick fix of beating something and occupying the mind for a few hours.

Yeah, it is further enhanced if you could beat SOMEONE at it.
'Now I'm not a loser!'
Happens to me a couple of times, though if I lose... it could affect me IRL.
Where did I go wrong - why did I pick up that ball. Shit. I wish I could've load game. Dammit.

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Reply #170 on: February 27, 2014, 02:03:56 AM

I went to a buddy's housewarming party last year, and basically everyone there but me was an ivy league grad.  I felt like the barbarian at the gates.

So I hope you did get all of their lunch money at least?
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Reply #171 on: February 27, 2014, 02:24:10 AM

I may have gone a little overboard with my last posts but the outpouring of stories and personal anecdotes after Khaldun's post shows me that it contained at least a kernel of truth.
People generally don't talk about mental health issues because of how we treat the topic and how much baggage the topic carries with it and therefore everybody with a mental health issue thinks that he/she is alone and 'everybody else is normal', massively compounding the problem of seeking and getting help.

I also urge anyone that has to deal with mental health issues to at least somewhat trust their feelings and to switch professionals or seek other kinds of help when you strongly feel that a therapy doesn't work or you're really not 'clicking' with your therapist. If you seek help for a mental health issue at some point all of your behaviour will be seen as a pathology of your disease. I've had a therapist flat out tell me that my wish to discontinue the treatment with him was 'just a symptom of my depression and a way for my depressed self to not have to work on it' - and I believed him.

The fact is that a significant number of mental health issues are sadly misdiagnosed as something else. Depression for example might not be the cause of someone's problems but maybe just a reaction of your mind to another mental - or physical issue - that troubles you.

Depression is often a co-morbidity issue - a symptom that presents itself because another mental or physical health issue is severe enough that you are getting clinically depressed about it. There are also a number of issues that can - depending on the severity - be interpreted as something else.
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Reply #172 on: February 27, 2014, 03:02:26 AM

This brings me to my story.

I have AD(H)D but I didn't know that until I was 33.

I'm quite intelligent (I don't say this to boast, just to make the issues I had clearer) so I managed to get by in school and in life even though I had a hard time concentrating on anything. Basically the amount of work I could muster up even though I was not treated always seemed to be enough to get by. With below average grades, certainly,  but I never faced being expelled or being at risk of not graduating. I was just a shit student or at least that was what I thought.

This might sound pretty mild but I never understood just what was wrong with me. Sitting down and studying was an almost impossible task for me. I basically had to lock myself into a room, keep my self isolated from any sort of loud noise or other type of ovewhelming sensory input, keep any distractions locked away and even then I'd usually have to work ten hours to get four hours of work done. I managed to study 2 1/2 days for my K13 Physics final (which would get me university access) and it seemed like a huge accomplishment at the time. Once you've read the same page of text ten times in a row just to realize that you still can't remember anything that was written on there you begin to doubt your own mind.

At other times I was so immersed in an activity that I literally couldn't force myself to stop. I had phases where I was working on a project for three days straight, getting huge amounts of work done, without any sleep, without eating and forgoing basically anything that could have distracted me. I knew I should go to sleep or take a break to eat something but I was so hyper focused and so high on the excitement of the project that stopping for anything than complete physical exhaustion wasn't possible. My mind didn't have room for anything except the project at hand.

I never could direct that focus to anything I needed to do though. I just switched between phases where everything I needed to do was a chore and I needed exorbitant amounts of willpower to just do things in a shitty way while procrastinating or doing things in an adrenaline fueled rush of excitement until I passed out from physical exhaustion. When I went to uni all of those issues had snowballed to such an extend that I hit a brick wall. I could no longer get by with how things worked in school and I flunked a few exams.

I sought help and I was in therapy for nearly ten years  being treated for anything from depression to manic-depression to bi-polar disease by different professionals until I found my curent doc and he realized that I was simply suffering from AD(H)D. Now I take ritalin and most of my issues have gone away or are mild enough so that I can deal with them on my own.

What I've learned is that once you have a mental health issue a lot of other issues crop up as well simply because that issue takes such a toll on you. Sometimes those additional issues, or comorbidities, can even mask the original health issue to such an extent that the comorbid diseases get mistaken for the real issues and get treated instead. Several trained professionals failed to recognize my real issues and so have wasted a decade of my life treating totally different kinds of 'imagined' diseases instead.

So if you feel - after a certain amount of time - that a professional or treatment doesn't seem to be able to help you, it might be the disease talking or it might be because it actually isn't able to help you and you should try something else instead.
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Reply #173 on: February 27, 2014, 07:41:44 AM

I have to agree with changing shrinks or counselors if you don't feel comfortable.  The shrink I had in rehab (NOT for drugs!) was the one who put me on Seroquel (which I just possibly spelled correctly this time) and wouldn't take me off even though I was having horrible side effects.  He was very intimidating and made me feel as if I wouldn't survive if he wasn't there to feed me drugs and ask me stupid questions.  He even wanted me to see him individually as my regular shrink after I left the center.  I went through a fair amount of shrinks after I finally ditched him (sister helped) but it was hard to find one whom I felt comfy with.  Some were just prescription machines.  They'd ask you questions for ten minutes and write a script.  A lot of places now have one or two shrinks and more therapists.  The therapists see you for 50 minutes and once every month or so you see the shrink for scripts.  It's like production line therapy.  At least that's what he feels like to me.  I finally found a counselor who was good for me and stuck with her.  Male shrinks and even doctors make me uncomfortable.  My therapist actually gave me things to work on that helped.  Of course, when I went back to England I lost her and really missed her for a bit.  Since I've come back I haven't seen anyone and just get my meds from my regular GP.  Eventually I have to sort a new therapist out because my old one moved really far away.   Heartbreak  That one shrink, though, caused me more damage than healing.


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Reply #174 on: February 27, 2014, 11:57:27 AM

Tai Chi derail update   why so serious?    So I brainstormed all night trying to figure out the best way to get an interactive flash site onto my TV and I came up with Chromecast (just bought one) + special cursor extension (so it doesnt disappear).  I can now tabcast (rather then simply screensharing) any website (included my beloved new Tai Chi toy) to my TV remotely and control it via wifi remote app.  It.  Is.  Awesome.  (yah, webgames work too)

My techno anti-depression dojo is almost complete.  But shit, Tai Chi is hard.  (you need serious leg conditioning)  Learning how to "go slow" is the hardest part though.   Ohhhhh, I see.
« Last Edit: February 28, 2014, 12:00:51 AM by Ghambit »

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