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f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  PC/Console Gaming  |  The f13 Radicalthon  |  Topic: Chern-R-Us, or As I walk through the valley of the shadow of zeds. 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
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Author Topic: Chern-R-Us, or As I walk through the valley of the shadow of zeds.  (Read 16532 times)
lamaros
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Posts: 7422


Reply #35 on: June 26, 2012, 02:15:05 AM

Yeah but running at you with an axe?

Expect poison from the standing water.
Surlyboi
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Posts: 9189

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #36 on: June 26, 2012, 05:21:20 AM

Well, if he doesn't have a zombie chasing him, I'm putting him down.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Surlyboi
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Posts: 9189

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #37 on: June 26, 2012, 04:07:19 PM

Day 0, Elektrozavodsk

My quest for a sniper rifle begins anew. I need to figure out where I should head to look for it. Flipping a coin, I head toward Balota first. I get to the airfield and find a PDW and a couple of mags of ammo, a military flashlight and an ALICE. helpful, but not what I'm looking for. The server's fairly light, so I figure a trip northwest may be in order. Also, I kinda want to wait 'til dark to see what the difference is with the military flashlight. Is it red? We'll see. I begin my journey northwest, checking Bor and then hitting Zelenogorsk for some missing supplies.

By the time I leave Zelenogorsk, I'm out of PDW ammo, but my zombie kill count has increased by 17. I've also lost about 2k of blood, but I'm still not in bad shape. Nothing killing a pig or a goat and cooking the meat won't fix. I head from Zeleno toward the airfield. I figure Ill stop at at least two of the three deer stands surrounding Green Mountain before heading all the way up there.

It still amazes how quickly things can go from perfectly ok to utter shit in this game. I'm quietly moseying toward the first deer stand when I alert a zed, I make a break for the ladder and get hit a few times going up and then start bleeding. I accidentally switch from the PDW to the AK-74 to dispatch the offending pursuer and of course, all hell breaks loose as the sound notifies every zeke in the neighborhood that there's a guy with fresh brains trapped up a tree like a goddam cat. Four zeds later, I'm backing as far into the stand as I can and reloading. Luckily, there's an AKsu-74 and three more mags up here.

Yet another zed clambers up the ladder and manages to tag me multiple times from the edge of the platform while my Warsaw Pact 7.62 seems to bounce harmlessly off the flimsy wood that separates us. Realistic shooter, my ass. What happened to penetration values and all that shit? Anyway, I bleed out and die.

I respawn near Elektro AGAIN. Fuck. Now I've got to hightail it all the way back to Green Mountain, and it's suddenly getting really dark, really fast. Last time I checked my watch, it was two in the afternoon. Where the hell did the time go? I figure the only way to get back to the deer stand before it's too dark to see is to full-on sprint. No crouching, no crawling. Upright, white-man run, snipers be damned. And so I begin that run. I make it as far as Mogilevka before I accidentally aggro my first zombie. I then continue running and the fucker stays hot on my heels for the better part of 20 minutes before I get to a sufficient enough grade to slow his undead ass down. Of course this meant making a detour I didn't want to and going way out of my way. My thirst meter is now blinking angrily at me. The hunger meter isn't all that far from "feed me Seymour" either. And so now, I'm faced with a choice, keep running toward the deer stand, where I know I've got food or try to make another detour into the next small town and see if I can loot some tender vittles from some empty house.

Stupidly, I choose the latter. I round my way into Pulkovo. The coast looks clear. Too clear. I walk in quietly and warily looking for something, anything to eat. In the gas station I find Razor wire, two spools of it. Not edible or drinkable, but hey, I might come up with something to do with them. Like, say, find the fuckknuckle that started the trend of wrapping that shit around the entrances to regularly trafficked loot areas and then shoving a whole spool up his ass. Sideways. I move from the gas station, further into town, down what looks like the high street as the limeys tend to call it. Looking at the debug monitor, the zombie meter says there's about 45 zeds alive an active on the server. As I turn into an alleyway, that number suddenly jumps to 95. At that very same moment, a shitload of zekes comes completely out of nowhere and starts chasing me. Wonderful.

So now, I'm yakety saxxing my way to green mountain. The baleful red blinking of my thirst meter paling in comparison to the fact that of the nintey-some-odd zombies on the server, probably 75 of them are crammed up my ass. In the background, TV on the Radio's "Halfway Home" starts playing. Bizarrely appropriate. I actually make it all the way back to the deer stand, manage to climb up and grab the AK and make all my undead followers say, "hello" to my little friend. Bananas. I breathe a sigh of relief, re-organize my shit and get back to my original task of finding myself a rifle with a proper scope.

I climb back down from the stand and head North, checking the other stands along the way a little more carefully than I did the last one. I've switched to another server and it's now mid day. I find more ammo for the AK, but none more for the PDW. No worries, I think, something will show up. I make quick stops and rummage through Sosnova and Myshkino. I swear the whole time I think I hear someone following me, but every time I check my six, there's no one. Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe the solitude is starting to make my crazy. Who the fuck knows? I make it into Pushtoshka and ransack the supermarket. I find the binoculars I'd been looking for and a couple more water bottles for filling later. I then sneak out the back and start the slow, painful walk out of town, trying not to attract any undead attention.

They say you never hear the sound of the bullet that kills you. I did. As I rounded the last corner and was about to make a break for the treeline, what sounded like an M24 put me down. Apparently, the millionth murder was just committed. Hell, that may have been mine.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Surlyboi
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Posts: 9189

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #38 on: July 05, 2012, 08:58:15 PM

Chernogorsk

I wake up on the southeastern shore. I think I had a dream. A dream where someone told me I was cursed with free will. A dream where I was a wide-eyed, bonafide twin pistol packing badass in a suit and sunglasses, wading through zeds by the truckload on some quarantined island in Maine. I now look around and see I'm still in a zombie and asshole infested former soviet shithole and the odds are not in my favor. I check my pack and roll out.

As I've said before, I hate the south coast towns. Mostly because they're populated by a combination of helpless noobs, the ruthless shitheels that get off on killing them and the wanna-be "hardcore" keyboard commandos that think they're badasses because they gun down some poor schmuck that had no chance anyway. That said, I stalk through town and actually manage to get lost. I had no idea I could still do that in Cherno. While lost, I manage to find a military medical camp that's chock full of medical supplies and an AKS 74U. Fuckin' A. I then get my bearings proper and head over to the power station and scare up a Makarov and three mags for it. Double score.

Now that I'm properly armed for most of what the 'Churn can throw at me, I head west and then north. Ever forward in my search for a scoped rifle of some sort. Balota? Zilch. Though I do see a woman sneaking around the corner and into the control tower. She manages to snag herself on the now ever-present razor wire and start to bleed out. After observing her for a while, I see that she's still bleeding, so I hop over and drop her a bandage before getting the hell out of dodge. I head North from there and make my way through my usual local stops on the way to the airfield. I find food and an ALICE pack in Pushtoshka and manage to make it out without being sniped.

I push on to the airfield and get there without much hassle. I scope it for the better part of a half hour before making my move. I get to the western barracks and find it empty. Well, empty of gear, anyway. Zeds? Yeah, a shitload. I pop a few with the Mak and of course, that brings the rest of them. I hope I didn't garner any more attention. As I sneak out and head east, I don't run into any real problems, so I figure I'm probably good for a while. I hit the tower and it's empty as well. Fuck. Next stop, the power station. Here, I find an AKS with a red dot sight. I grab it and then head upstairs where I find an M4A1 CCO. Fuck the AK. I've got four STANAG mags anyway. At the top of the tower, I find what I think is the holy grail, an ACU patrol pack. I've heard tell of the mythical coyote pack and think this is it, so of course, I grab it. It's not. It's basically the starter pack only in ACU. and of course, the game bugs and my ALICE disappears. Double fuck. My last bandages were in there.

"Fuck it", I'll find more bandages, they're all over the goddamn place right? Nope. I get downstairs and try to sneak over to the hangars. I attract a zed's attention and for the first time in days, he manages to get that shot in that makes me bleed. Triple fuck. Seriously? I run like hell for the hangars. Not. A. Goddamn. Bandage. In. Any. Of. Them. As I sit in the corner of the last hanger, blood below 4000, my vision blurring and two screaming zombies in my face, knowing I'm gonna die, I go loud. Full fucking auto on these undead fucks. The sound, of course, brings every other zed on the airfield to me and I go out in a blaze of glory. My ammo and my blood run out right about the same time.

As I breathe my last, my mind drifts once more to that fog-shrouded island off the coast of Maine. "You are cursed with free will."

I think I hear bees...

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
rk47
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Posts: 6178

The Patron Saint of Radicalthons


Reply #39 on: July 05, 2012, 09:18:58 PM

they need to hire Ron Perlman to narrate your death depending on who or what killed you.
 awesome, for real

Colonel Sanders is back in my wallet
CmdrSlack
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Posts: 4388


WWW
Reply #40 on: July 05, 2012, 09:32:51 PM

What is your normal play window? I'm finally ponying up for an Xbox-PC compliant headset tomorrow (I have to get a spendy one that lets me hear all of the game audio due to ye olde familye.)

I would not object to attempting a team up, so long as you accept that I will be the albatross around your neck as opposed to the wind beneath your wings. Also, you have to write it.

I traded in my fun blog for several legal blogs. Or, "blawgs," as the cutesy attorney blawgosphere likes to call 'em.
Surlyboi
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Posts: 9189

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #41 on: July 06, 2012, 07:11:47 AM

I tend to play in the evenings. Depending on my work load and the requests of the wife, that can generally change.

I'm definitely up for it and I still need to hook up with Bloodworth and his crew as well. The Secret World has a solid hold on my attention at the moment, but I can break out of that for a bit.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Mortriden
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Posts: 344


Reply #42 on: July 06, 2012, 10:24:46 AM

This is just amazing Surlyboi.  This is much, much better than actually playing the game for me.  Thanks again for this.

It's like calling shenanigans.  But you say "jihad" instead. - Llava
They are out there, but they are bi-products of funny families. If you know funny old people, see if they have daughters. -Paelos
Yes my seed is that strong. I literally clap my hands and women are with child. -Paelos
Surlyboi
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Posts: 9189

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #43 on: July 06, 2012, 06:03:05 PM

they need to hire Ron Perlman to narrate your death depending on who or what killed you.
 awesome, for real

Cherno.... Cherno never changes...

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Slayerik
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Posts: 4835

Victim: Sirius Maximus


Reply #44 on: July 13, 2012, 10:39:54 AM

You rock Surly, hope you keep this up. I will be trying the game this weekend, and will be glad to have read this as a primer.

"I have more qualifications than Jesus and earn more than this whole board put together.  My ego is huge and my modesty non-existant." -Ironwood
Surlyboi
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Posts: 9189

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #45 on: July 24, 2012, 11:11:04 PM

Day 1: Balota...

Oh, Chernarus... how I missed you. Wait, I may have missed you, but the gateway to your Eastern Bloc wonderland has been weighed, measured and found wanting.

Well, it's been a while since I rolled through these parts, so I run around a bit to get my Z-legs, as it were. As I'm checking my kit, I notice I've got a crossbow and a few bolts. Hmm, haven't started with shit like that in a while. I also notice the once-familiar blue of side channel which starts out, "Who's shooting in Cherno?" I know how this story's gonna end already. I then see, "Who's dicking around on that bus?", which is followed almost immediately by, "IT'S THE BANG BUS, BITCH!", which elicits laughs from a lot of people on the server, myself included. Apparently, porn, like cockroaches, will survive the apocalypse. It's dark as shit, so I switch servers.

Early morning. I take one last check of my shit and move out. I find that the crossbow I had and all the other shit is now gone. I'm near the airfield and it's still relatively dark, I figure, "What the fuck?" And head for the tower. I find an AK. Like Cube said, "It's a good day." Figuring it's best not to push my luck, I run like hell for Cherno to try to make a quick supply run. A run through the apartments nets me a Czech backpack, a watch, a Makarov, five mags for it, six canteens and another mag for the AK74. My luck holds out as I run over to the hospital and find some morphine and blood packs. Kitted enough, it's time to head North and try to scare up my always preferred scoped rifle. Probably a little more food than the one can of beans I managed to find.

Like Cary Grant, I head North by Northwest. Only I'm not being chased by spies, but by screaming zombies. I pop a half dozen of the shamblers in the process and the pitiful waste of ammo in the proceedings further emphasizes to me why a scope would make such a fucking difference. The mag and a half I blew on those six fuckers doesn't seem justified.

My ADD gets the better of me and I get wind of a survivor group trying to build a fort near Cherno. Well, fuck. That sounds like a sniper's wet dream. Maybe if I head down that way, I'll get lucky and gank a bandit or two with a sniper rifle. I'm not disappointed.

Down in the absolute shitshow that this clump of paranoid survivors has become, is a target-rich environment for any asshole with even a passable aim and a desire to fuck up a survivor's day. On the hill above the chaos and the bodies, I spy a guy in a ghillie suit and a huge rifle taking pot shots at the huddled masses below. Bang bang, maxwell's silver hatchet came down upon his head. Shouldn't have been so intent on his scope. His loss. Looting through his shit, I find an ALICE an AS50 and a few mags for it. Now that's what I'm talking about. I start to move when I hear a shot and the sound of the bullet whizzing by. Hatchetface has a buddy and they're apparently voice chatting each other. I dive behind a rock and roll out, just in time to catch his movement to a better vantage point. Shoulda stayed where you were, pal. I feed him a bullet breakfast and it's over.

As I make my way over to the body, one of the panicked survivors down the hill gets off a lucky shot and drops me. Just my luck to get offed by one of the people I rode in to save.

Maybe I was wrong about that good day thing.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Surlyboi
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Posts: 9189

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #46 on: July 31, 2012, 08:31:36 PM

Day 0: Elektro

I gotta stop waking up on this goddamn beach.

I check my lack of gear and make my usual run toward the city, in hopes of finding a weapon that's not locked behind razor wire and/or tank traps. I luck out and find an M16A2 and only a small wall of sandbags to keep me from it. I vault the wall, grab the gat and skedaddle. I've got the routine down at this point and make my usual stops on my way Northwest. Watch at Prigorodky, Compass, map and knife at Nadezhdino, hatchet at Pogorevka, a couple of extra STANAG mags at a deer stand or two and then I make my run for the milspec promised land.

Right around the time I get to the first set of barracks, I hear from Slayerik, Slack and Silenus. They're apparently jerking around in Castle Zub, that they've renamed "Castle Awesome" for all the cool shit they seem to have found there. We all decide we should perhaps join forces and raid some of the other high-end military installations. I grab a DMR and try to make my way out of the airfield and head their way. Of course, we're on different servers, so I try to hop onto theirs, only to piss off the server gods and find myself in the depths of the debug plains. I overhear the others' adventures as I run in what I hope is an easterly direction.

I shoot a sheep and make mutton steaks that I can't cook because there are no trees for me to chop down and keep running. My hunger meter turns red and begins to blink. Slack is apparently experiencing similar issues over by Castle Awesome as he waits for the other guys to get to him with some food. I make it out of the plains and into a forest where I chop some wood and start a fire just as my blood level starts to drop. I eat every steak and get myself back up to a reasonable blood level. I head east and try to get my bearings. Skalka. For fuck's sake. I've got a hike ahead of me.

As I begin the journey, I hear Slack getting chased by zekes on his end of the radio. He apparently rounded a corner too soon only to get shot in the face by either Slay or Silenus. Comedy ensues. We all decide to call it for the night and reconvene the following night.

Day 1: Rogovo

I log in and do something incredibly stupid. I see a downed chopper in the fields outside of town. I open up on some of the zeds nearby. I drop six of them and eight more come out of the woodwork and feast. Dead.

Day 0: Elektro

Again.

I'm gettin' too old for this shit...

So, apparently, there are "hive" servers and "sanctuary" servers. Finding out what the difference between the two is only serves to further my notion that 99% of the people in Chernarus are fucking assholes.

I make a move for my usual quick hits in Elektro, and again am surprised to find a decent weapon and no razor wire, tank traps or bear traps impeding my progress. What is this world coming to? Properly armed, I head up to Castle Awesome and hook up with Silenus, who suggests a run to Stary Sobor to see if we can score him some more ammo and perhaps a cooler weapon. Before we can start our trip, however, we run into someone else who has taken refuge in the castle. He's hurt pretty bad and says he's friendly. He asks Silenus to transfuse him, which Silenus obliges. The guy's fairly well geared, but despite some thoughts of rolling him for his shit, we all bid each other fair well and get the hell out of the area. Silenus says that the guy told him he was one of a group of four guys roaming around and he got separated from them and took refuge in the castle. I think it may have been a bullshit story to keep us from ganking him, but we make discretion the better part of valor and clear the area too, just in case he isn't lying and he hooks up with his friends and tries to roll us.

Together we sneak up to the military camp and meet Slay, who's already ransacked the place. He tosses us some extra ammo and then takes his leave. We methodically clear the zombies around the military camp in Stary and then search for anything good. We don't find much. With not a lot to lose, we figure we'll head for the airfield.

After a fairly uneventful trip, we get to the now-familiar wall of the airfield. It's exceedingly quiet, and we take that as a good sign. We sneak up to the treeline just outside the barracks, when the sky goes all black on me and then I can't see anything. Some sort of graphics glitch has rendered me blind whenever I look in the direction of the barracks. Knowing that an assault on the barracks with the game glitching like that is basically suicide, and with it getting late, we call it for the night and plan on re-convening the next day.

Day 1: Airfield

The next day has come and Silenus isn't on. No worries, I'll sneak in to the barracks and score us some extra ammo for the big assault on the rest of the airfield when he does show up. I angle my way in and attract the attention of a zed from a lot farther away than I used to. Figuring the jig is up, I make a dead run for the door. I get in, but trip over the bench wedged in the entryway and the zed tags me enough to start bleeding. I back far enough in past the bench to have time to bandage myself and then line up a headshot. Down goes Frazier.

I pop a few other lookie-lous attracted to the sound and then search my surroundings. Four STANAG mags, three AK mags for Sil and a G17 as a backup. Not bad. I carefully pick my way out and of course, alert another zed. I swear, these fuckers should scream the Metal Gear alert sound at this point. I try to run for it, but Zeke's got the drop on me and one-shots me into unconsciousness. Just my fucking luck. Enjoy your lunch, Zeke. Enjoy your fucking lunch.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Surlyboi
Terracotta Army
Posts: 9189

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #47 on: July 31, 2012, 08:34:59 PM

Day 0: Kamenka.

If there's someplace I hate more than Cherno or Elektro, it's the little shitholes like this one. Not a lot of places to loot and far the fuck away from anything. About the only thing it's got going for it in this particular instance is that it's almost a straight shot back up to the airfield from here. No need for orienteering or any shit like that, just avoid the bigger towns except for a food run or two and then get my gear back.

Of course, shit's never that simple.

Somewhere around Bor, or was it Pavlovo? Who knows? All these former soviet townships are all the same, especially when you've got zombies up your ass. Anyway, wherever the town was, I aggro a zed and with not gear, have no recourse but to run. I get tagged and start bleeding but manage to make it into a house where I again manage to find a hatchet. I do my best Lizzie Borden impression and fuck his shit up. I bandage myself and and get ready to move again. That last one hit me hard. I'm down to about a third of my blood and pretty much seeing in black and white. Awesome. Looks like I probably won't make it up to recover my shit after all.  To add insult to injury, the server shits the bed and kicks me off.

I log in to another server and it's about 5AM and raining cats and dogs. So, basically, dark and shitty. Great weather for sneaking by zombies. I make a break for it and get out of town. I head north and make my way to Pushtoshka, the weather helping conceal my movements the whole way. My hunger and thirst both getting the better of me, I duck into the gas station and find myself a canteen and two cans of soda. My thirst slaked, I move further into the town. The rain holds up long enough to allow me to sneak into the supermarket there. The place is chock full of goodies. I find about a dozen cans of food, more soda, a Makarov and an ALICE pack. I might just make it to the airfield.

I hear shots as I run from the supermarket, so I make my move to get out of town in the most direct manner possible. I get out without issue and continue north. I've still got no compass and the combination of the rain and my shitty, though somewhat improved vision makes the trip a little less exact than I'd like. I get to the airfield with only minimal issues. The place where I make my entrance however, is far from where I usually like to and I find myself at the end of the runway. I hate this approach because it leaves you exposed for a really long time. It's still rainy and not very bright yet, so I go for it.

I make a run for the first barracks and find a ton of gear, two M4s, two AKMs, an AKS-74u and a couple of makarovs, plus a ton of ammo for all of them. I grab the two M4s and three mags for each of them, along with some morphine and extra bandages and painkillers. If I were to run out of the place now, I'd have a solid score. Of course, I don't. Still using the dark and rain as cover, I make my way to the control tower and the power plant. I find a Remington shotgun with a flashlight attachment in the tower, but the real prize is the coyote pack I find in the plant. I jettison the ALICE, grab the coyote, readjust and head out again. Knowing I should quit while I'm ahead, I ignore my better judgment and do a house-to-house of the hangars using the rain as cover and hoping it'll hold up long enough for me to finish my sweep. It almost does.

Almost. The rain stops just as I get to the cluster of buildings around the other barracks. I hear automatic fire, screams and heavy breathing. I alter my course and head for the trees and grab cover before looking back toward the barracks and sizing up the situation. Through the binoculars I found in the tower, I don't see any movement in the barracks. I creep back, M4 at the ready. I get to the door and hear the oh-to-familiar sound of flies. I sweep in to the barracks and find the body of the guy I must have heard. He's dead, still bleeding, but dead nonetheless. Poor sumbitch gave as good as he got though. There're about eight dead zeds in the hallway. He must have passed out from blood loss before he could bandage himself and then bled out.

I ransack the rooms and find an M4 with an ACOG, so I swap that out for the one I had with the iron sights. Still no sniper rifle or suppressed weapons though. I grab a couple more STANAG mags and take me leave, saluting dead guy as I go. (And taking his blood bags and food. He's not gonna need them.) I head south to the barn northeast of Vybor and find a CZ550. Not an M107 or M24, or even a DMR, but serviceable in a pinch. I grab it and leave an M4 for some lucky bastard to find and then make arrangements to meet up with Slay and Silenus, who are now on.

They've both made their way to Rogovo or somewhere near there in search of a bag for Sil. Apparently Slay saw one in a barn. Sil makes a run for the barn and as he gets near, he sees someone peek out back at him. He veers away and grabs cover behind a tree, right about the same time, Slay picks up a zombie train and makes a beeline for the same barn. Sil, thoughts of protecting helping his friend overriding his self-preservation mechanism takes aim at one of the zeds trailing Slay. The douche in the barn chooses to take advantage and shoot Sil in the back. Yup. Asshole.

Slay manages to detour and lose both his zombie trail and the shit heel in the barn and moves out toward the deer stand north of the town. On the way, he sees the downed chopped that I'd seen in a previous life. We hook up and take a run at the chopper. It's a complete shit show. My CZ550 and his M24 make short work of the zeds near the chopper, but just like my solo attempt, we attract a fuckton more. We manage to kill the spares, but not without getting tagged ourselves. The problem with two guys with sniper rifles is that when the close-in work starts, you've got nothing but your sidearm. And with these new, up-armored zebras, that presents a problem.

We try again, this time with me sniping and Slay using his M203 to clean up the ants that come out of the woodwork. We manage to clear all but two of the zeds around the chopper when about a dozen more suddenly pop out of nowhere around it. Fuck you, Rocket.

We decide we've wasted enough ammo trying to solve this problem and we're just gonna play a little bait and switch with Slay as the bait. He makes a balls-out run past the chopper, stirring up the majority of the zekes as he goes. I sneak in in his wake and ransack the chopper. Nothing there but an M14. All that work for that? Fuck your couch, Rocket.

We decide to head back toward Castle Awesome, as Sil is continuing to have a shitty day. We get there, recon the area and find some decent sidearms for him and Slay finds an Enfield in Vyshnoye.
Just before the server boots us, we manage to pass off some of the stuff.

I hear that after I called it for the night, Slay and Sil scored some more gear.

Tomorrow should be a better day.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Surlyboi
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Reply #48 on: August 07, 2012, 10:02:45 PM

There's three things I know about helicopters:

1) Downed ones tend to be surrounded by far more zeds than could have ever been killed in the crash

2) If you hear one coming and you don't know anybody that's flying one, grab cover. Quick.

3) I can't fly one for shit.

Day 8: Airfield

And so it was, that in the fullness of time, I found myself a working helicopter. I'd made my way up to the northwest airfield yet again. Always in hope of finding better gear. The gear I had wasn't bad, but I could always go for an upgrade, be it a sniper rifle or suppressed weapon.

I sneak my way through the zeds surrounding the southeastern barracks and make my way in. It's been cleaned out almost completely, Not much here but a couple of Makarov mags. I clear out and make my way toward the hangars. Again, empty.

As I make my way to the power plant, I see it. A chopper. Complete and whole. Near it is a pile of dead zeds, the bodies of two survivors and the familiar sound of flies. I do my best bit of CSI:Chernarus and conclude that both the zeds and the survivors... *puts on sunglasses* Bit off more than they could chew.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Meet the new zeds, same as the old zeds.

Figuring, "what the hell?" I get to zee choppa. Grab the stick and collective and get Baby Huey off the ground. I fly it southeast and make it as far as the southeastern barracks before I crash the fucker right into the barracks itself. I manage to destroy the chopper, the barracks and myself in the process.

Day 0: Novy Sobor.

The fuck? How did I spawn in Novy? Moreover, how did I spawn inside a building? Is Rocket fucking with me? Did the process of crashing a chopper tear a hole in the DayZ space/time continuum? Who the fuck knows? Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. I look around and find an ALICE pack and a Makarov with two spare mags. Fuck yeah.

I make my way back toward the airfield, my journey made much shorter by the fortuitous spawn. I get there in time to find the wreckage of the barracks, the chopper is nowhere to be seen. I range around the ruins of the barracks, looking for signs of my corpse or any dropped gear. Nothing. I'm about to head out when, as far as I can gather. The building respawns around me. Killing me in the process. You Are Dead. Just when I thought Chernarus had found every possible way to kill me, I'm proven wrong again.

Day 0: Komarovo.

As far as shitty places to spawn go, this isn't the shittiest. It's no Novy Sobor, but I'll take it. I head northeast, my sights set on Stary Sobor. I find a bit of food and water along the way to keep me from dying of hunger and thirst while I hike up. I get to Stary and sneak my way through the supermarket and find another ALICE and some more food to stuff in it. I then make my tent-to-tent search and find a dead woman in one of the tents. There are no zeds around the body and all of her gear is still on her. I figure she bled out here and couldn't bandage in time. On the body, I find an AKS-74U Kobra, an M9SD and mags for both.

I thank her corpse and continue my search. I find an M14 with an ACOG that I dismiss as too loud and then roll out of town. Fortunes change just that quick in Chernarus.

Day 1: Stary Sobor

I log back in at the outskirts of Stary, my eventual destination Castle Awesome, where I'll camp out and wait for the rest of my ragtag band of survivors. Of course, I'll make a run by the military camp first to see if I can find any extra ammo. I get down to the first big tent and notice almost immediately that something is awry. There's a fuckton of gear just outside the tent, including ammo and a pair of binoculars. I duck into the tent proper and find some more ammo for my Kobra.

I poke my head out and duck around to the space between the two tents to look down the aisle created between the two rows of tents. It's like a fucking yard sale. Every three meters or so is a pile of weapons and ammo. AK-74s, AKMs, MP5s, Remington shotguns and ammo for all of them. Knowing this has got to be a trap, I turn to start running when I hear the first shot. I'm hit and immediately knocked unconscious. I start to bleed out, my blood count suddenly at about 5000, when seconds ago it was 12000. I hear the shooter shooting again. He misses five times before he finally kills me. I don't know whether I'm madder about the fact that I fell for the trap or that it was set by such a lousy shot.

Day 0: Elektrozavodsk.

I'm on a beach, gearless and pissed. I have only one thing on my mind. Revenge.

I skedaddle north, trying not to attract the attention of zeds as I go. Of course, I fail and manage to start a small train. I drag the train behind me until I find a gas station to run into. I get in, but not before one of the three zekes tags me and starts me bleeding. Luckily, there's a hatchet in here, unluckily, the zeds are within reach of it too and manage to hit me a few more times and knock me out before I can equip it. I watch as the blood seeps and the hourglass of unconsciousness ticks down, hoping the latter will end before the former. It does. I stand up, equip the hatchet and go apeshit on the three zeds. My work done, I bandage myself. and stop my bleeding at about 3800.

I find a can of beans and eat them to at least help alleviate some of the throbbing in my vision. My revenge has not been denied yet and it will not. I run a little deeper into town, looking over my shoulder to check for a tail, nothing. I duck into a building and hear the shriek of a zed. I find a Makarov and an Enfield. I may have found the tools of my vengeance. I look out the door and see the zed I'd heard earlier shamble by. He must have lost sight of me. I drop the Enfield, heft the hatchet and plant it in the back of old Zeke's head.

I go back and get the Enfield and scoot my ass north, again looking over my shoulder most of the time for a tail. I'm good until I get to the very edge of town, when one zed barely at the edge of vision, apparently sees me and makes a beeline in my direction. He covers the 400 or so meters between us in no time. I guess Usain Bolt didn't survive the apocalypse, 'cause he's a fuckin' speedy zombie now. I make my way up the only thing that slows these fuckers down, a steep hill. I get high enough, turn around and pop him in the face. Sorry buddy, but today is not your day. Man on a goddamn mission.

My vision is for shit, but my thirst must be quenched. I head in a direction I think is northwest, all caution is in the wind at this point. I find a barn and duck into it, managing to headshoot three more zeds in the process. I find more food and steady my vision a little more. By my reckoning, I figure I'm somewhere near Pusta. I keep heading in what I think is a northwesterly direction.

About a half hour later, I find three zeds wandering in an open field. This is generally a clue to a deer stand. I range around and Bob's your fucking uncle, there it is. I sneak up and find an AKS-74u and four mags. More to drop this bitch with if he's still there. I shoot a cow and gut it. Now all I need is some matches to cook the steer. Revenge may be a dish best served cold, but raw steak is inedible in the Churn.

In a field somewhere what I figure is probably Guglovo and Novy Sobor, I find another downed chopper. I manage to crawl all the way to it and find all of one STANAG mag and an empty can. Fuck. I was hoping for something with a thermal sight so I could find this fucker easier when I get to Stary.

Turns out I didn't need one. The shots gave him away a lot quicker than a scope would've. He's just shot someone else who'd fallen into his trap. He's still trying to end the poor sod and so doesn't hear me as I stalk up behind him. I aim the carbine at his ass as I know the recoil is going to cause the muzzle to rise and I don't want any bullets to miss him. I let loose, unloading a full 30 rounds of 5.45x39 into his back. Fuck you, asshole.

And suddenly, my session is lost. Either our shitty sniper was a hacker or an admin. Either way, fuck him in his cheating earhole.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Surlyboi
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eat a bag of dicks


Reply #49 on: August 16, 2012, 11:19:20 PM

Down at the Dancerama, they seek to learn the secret of life, and the only way to learn, is from experience.

Post nuclear winter, China, 2023, an endless night. Carmen Relaxed, Maitress of the Sputnik Four Worlds Enterprises enters the Dancerama club.Once a downtown sleaze center for the amped-up no-workers, and now transformed into a penthouse encrusted multi-mediadrome for the Sputnik elite.

Onstage, Mondo Elvis, his triple-flame mohawk cutting through the drughaze, screams into the microphone as two ice drummers merge into one hypnotic beat.

A synthesized squeal, like the sound of distant planets colliding shakes the plexiglas bar, as the blonde guitarist, like some system-crash cyborg smashes a steel fist into a perfectly preserved 1953 Gibson.
Ladies and gentlemen I give you...

...Oh shit, wrong story.

Day 2: Stary Sobor.

I need to make my way southeast to Castle Awesome, to meet Our Gang. Of course, I stop at the tents on the way down. Fuck all. I make my way further south toward Zub and lo, and behold, another downed chopper. I drop my AK74 and equip my hatchet, drop to prone and crawl in. I hatchet a couple of zeds to death on the way and get up to the chopper. This one's fresh, my friends. I find a Bizon and two mags, a FN/FAL, three mags for it and a ghillie suit. I leave the FAL for someone else, good for them.

I make my way back down to Zub and wait for the lil' rascals to get online. When they do, they've been scattered to the four winds. We all decide that we'll make a run east for Berezino. We decide to meet Northeast of Polana, in an affort to muster ourselves and not roll into BZ separately and potentially shoot each other. After about a half hour of dicking around and a bunch of near misses which include me running up the wrong hill twice. I finally hook up with the others and after swapping out some gear and transfusing each other, we make our way to BZ. I notice a particularly big upswing in reported deaths, but think a bunch of assholes have probably offed each other on the bean coast.

We meticulously plan out our route through BZ, planning first to stop at a hospital and loot the necessary medical supplies, then we'll grab food and packs from a supermarket and last, hit the military camp for hardware. As we start the run for the hospital, our visions flash.

Suddenly, we're not in Berezino, but the northwest airfield. Those reported deaths? A group of hackers have been warping players to the airfield and executing them and then looting them for their shit. We get wise immediately and make a break for it. Slack gets whacked almost immediately. The rest of us manage to get far enough away to log out before we get shot.

Fucking assholes.

I log back in to a hopefully non hacker-infested server to find myself still in the airfield. Everyone else logs back in and they're still in BZ, even Slack has managed to be miraculously resurrected there. Good on him. I make a break for the air traffic control tower, where I find a corpse to loot and then say my good-byes and log out for the night, knowing I won't make it almost all the way across the 'churn in any time less than a few hours. I promise the gang I'll find them some gear.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2012, 11:44:39 PM by Surlyboi »

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Surlyboi
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eat a bag of dicks


Reply #50 on: July 30, 2013, 10:17:50 PM

My god, it's full of stars...

Day Z: Kamyshovo, I have it on good authority this is where all the bitches go.

It's been almost a year since my last trip to this god-forsaken former Soviet shithole. I'd almost forgotten what it looked like. Holy shit, it's gorgeous. I look down to my right and see a faintly visible mark...ARMA III beta... That explains it. The air is clear and you can see forever. There's a small collection of shambling Zekes off to my right and I've actually started with a Makarov. I make a run for the nearest house and manage to aggro a zed on the way in.

Or at least I think I do. He stops at the door and stares at me. Shakes occasionally and then stares some more. Weird. Maybe he's part vampire and needs to be invited in. Who the fuck knows? While Zed hangs out at the threshold, I rummage through the house. A bag, yar. What the hell, I go back to the door and pop deadboy in the face. This alerts the other zekes in the area and signals my turn to move my ass.

Not before searching the body however. I find a P07 on it. That's new. Of course, there's no ammo, but hey two guns is better than one at the moment. I pop it in the bag and beat feet out, heading West.

I notice side channel is working here and there are the old familiar,

"Somebody shooting in Elektro?"

"Yeah, me"

And then a surprising,

"I'm clearing out the supermarket, there's plenty of stuff left, come get it."

Oh, this guy's gonna walk into a trap. Poor fucker. But then, I see.

"Cool stuff, thanks!, want to team up?"

"Sure"

What what what? Oh wait, I think I know what's going on, most of the assholes haven't bought Arma 3 yet, so it's not a total shitshow yet. Ah, I missed this. Considering I'm close to Elektro myself, I ask them if they want a third as I'm on my way there and there's safety in numbers. They agree and I tell them I'll meet them at the office building near the supermarket. I'm still a little leery when I get close, so I stop at the fire station on the way in and search it for ammo for the P07 or something better than that and the Makarov. The server gods are smiling as I roll aces and come away with an AK74 and two mags. Yeah.

I get to the office building and the two guys are hanging out like it's no big deal. Not watching for snipers or anything. I could've popped them both before they even knew I was close. Brave new world or some shit. One's got an AKM and the other an Enfield. The guys are standing around a few cans of food and soda.

"In case you need it" one of them says.

Yeah, definitely surreal. I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

I gather up the food and drink and we all decide to head toward Stary. The tents there should yield better loot. We tag a few stray zeds and head North.

We get about halfway there before Enfield has to log because he seems to be bugged and can't eat any of the food he's got. I suggest we all pick a secluded spot in the woods and sit it out there until he logs and comes back. We all agree that's probably the best call and sit there. And sit. And Sit and then the server shits the bed entirely and I'm booted.

Fuck.

I try to log back in and the server's definitely a no-go.

I try another one and end up on the beach outside of Cherno. With dick.

Double fuck.

I decide to call it for the night. Maybe I'll give it another shot tomorrow.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
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Reply #51 on: July 31, 2013, 08:55:26 AM

People helping people? When did this happen?

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Slayerik
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Reply #52 on: July 31, 2013, 10:27:47 AM

I always helped Surly....get killed.

Damn, I just kinda got the itch from reading this. DAMN YOU.

"I have more qualifications than Jesus and earn more than this whole board put together.  My ego is huge and my modesty non-existant." -Ironwood
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Reply #53 on: July 31, 2013, 10:36:20 AM

Humm...

Today's How-To: Scrambling a Thread to the Point of Incoherence in Only One Post with MrBloodworth . - schild
www.mrbloodworthproductions.com  www.amuletsbymerlin.com
Surlyboi
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Reply #54 on: July 31, 2013, 03:20:19 PM

People helping people? When did this happen?

Like I said, the fucktards by and large haven't shelled out the 60 bucks for Arma III yet and this is still a really early beta of DayZ. So while there is a small group of asshats out there fucking up people's days, the majority are just in it at this point to survive not at the expense of others.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
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Reply #55 on: July 31, 2013, 04:03:43 PM

Having never played this, is there a point where you "win" or just get so uber powerful you can't be stopped?

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Slayerik
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Reply #56 on: July 31, 2013, 05:15:44 PM

No. One bullet to the head, and you are back on the beach... Though, you can get pretty lame with a nice sniper rifle and perch, but you'll get got eventually.

"I have more qualifications than Jesus and earn more than this whole board put together.  My ego is huge and my modesty non-existant." -Ironwood
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Reply #57 on: July 31, 2013, 06:58:13 PM

Sounds like the only way to win is not to play.  why so serious?

I keed. That's pretty funny that you're always one step away from the dirt nap in a game. Rare.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Slayerik
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Reply #58 on: July 31, 2013, 10:38:40 PM

Something to be said for it...when you got a good run going, you start feeling a bit invested. Then shit gets bad. You make it outta that bad shit. Shit gets worse. Then, your best buddy guns you down in the confusion that can be urban warfare with FF on.

There you are...Back at the beach hoping you don't spawn near Kamenka (Kamenka gangbang WHAT). Your buddy, sadly upgrades all his shit off your corpse...and you try to come up with a meeting place that we can manage to navigate to. I got pretty bad ass at map navigating in this game. Compass, GPS? LUXURIES.

"I have more qualifications than Jesus and earn more than this whole board put together.  My ego is huge and my modesty non-existant." -Ironwood
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Reply #59 on: July 31, 2013, 11:17:14 PM

Pfft compass/gps.  Its either learn to read cyrillic or just follow the roads till you find something...

*Should be working*
Surlyboi
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Reply #60 on: July 31, 2013, 11:21:23 PM

You start with a compass and a watch now, so that actually helps a bit.

At least until they take it away.

Day 1: Elektrozavodsk

There's no subtitle to tell you where you are right now. Sadly, I've played this bitch enough that I can look around and almost instantly get my bearings. I look to my right and there's the fire station. I make my move for it. I do the Curly Shuffle around two Zulus and then drop prone to avoid a third. Hey Moe! I can sprint while prone! I move as fast as when I'm crouched and make less noise!

Yeah, that's gonna get nerfed.

Anyway, I make it into the fire station and find... two cans of beans! Hoo-fuckin' Ray! Oh, and a four shotgun shells. And two Makarov mags. And two .45 mags. And a bandage. Did I mention how much better the inventory system is now?

So.

Much.

Better.

Also, it turns out you don't need a bag nearly as much at the moment, as you start off with a plate carrier now so you can haul a lot more shit from go. So what I've got cans of corn in my mag pouches? I'm still a walking badass. I get me a bag and shit's gonna get real.

Like this real: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrAIFP2pfew

I've still got no gun though, so I need to find something. I drop prone and do the worm out toward the supermarket. In there, I find six more cans of corn, two cans of pepsi and a bag of fuckin' pistachios. All I need now is zombie Psy do Zombnam Style through the fucking window or something. I see someone else has logged on to the previously empty server. At about the same time, I aggro a zed. No sunglasses, it's not Psy. I run to the nearest house and out the other end and drop prone and crawl. I think I've lost him. I look around and it seems I have. I start moving for the office building when the machine locks up.

ARMA III has unexpectedly quit.

Feh.

It was fun while it lasted.

EDIT!

The wife passed out early, so I used the opportunity to try to hop back on.

Day 0: Elektrozavodsk. It's actually showing up now. Cool.

I'm prone. In the middle of the goddamn street. I must've kept crawling a bit after Arma shit the bed. At least I had lost my zombie tail before then.

I check my gear, it's all still there. Good to go. The animation for you cheking your inventory makes you look like you lost your wallet. I continue my crawl to the office building and once inside, proceed to ransack the place. Or at least, I would if there was anything at all in there. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Thrilling. I look around and the coast is clear so I crouch run back out and toward the church, dropping to the spider crawl when I get near because I spot a couple of zeds ahead. I duck into the church and find a pile of wood. Don't particularly need that yet, so I leave it and move deeper. It's pitch black in here, I might be eaten by a grue. Or, I might find a double-barreled shotgun, a .45 and a crowbar. I opt to take door number two and load up on weapons. I take the crowbar instead of the shotgun because it's quieter for the time being.

Having scoured the church, I roll out toward the fire station, crawling the whole way. I still manage to aggro a zed, but just as quickly dispatch him with the crowbar. Hey! It doesn't suck as much as it used to! Gordon Freeman would be proud. After I put ol' zeke down, I notice I have the option to gut him. What the fuck? Why not? The gutting animation while I'm prone looks like I'm having horrible stomach cramps. After the zombie's gutted, it tells me there's one meat steak on him. Pass. As poetic as eating one of these fuckers would be, I'm pretty sure that's part of the reason they got that way. Though it does make me wonder if I can gut a douchebag once they start flooding the servers. Maybe with some fava beans and a nice pinot noir. Fuck that chianti bullshit.

In the power station courtyard are a couple of tents. Far better looking than the old pup tents. They are, of course, empty. As is the power station. I off a few more zeds in frustration and then head West. Might as well check Balota before I make my pilgrimage to the Milspec Mecca of the NW airfield.

The guy that logged on before is back, as is a third person who's promptly booted for having too high a ping.

"Oh well, there goes THAT party", I say in side channel.

"eh?", comes the reply. "You don't have to worry about me, I'm not hostile."

"For a split second we had three whole people on the server. And I'm not hostile either, so no worries."

"Oh good, cool man."

"I left some smoke grenades and Makarov mags in the tents outside the power station in Elektro if you need 'em."

I never see his response.

ARMA III has unexpectedly quit.

For fuck's sake. Glutton for punishment that I am, I try logging back in one more time. Did I mention I need to go into the editor first and create a map and then drop myself into it for a couple of minutes before quitting out of the editor and choosing a multiplayer server to connect to, otherwise it won't connect at all and lock up the game? Yeah. I have to do that too.

Five minutes later, I'm back in. I continue my journey West. It's right about here that I notice that the little shit town between Skyrim Mountain and Cap Golova has changed. It's not just a a couple of shitty little houses anymore. Now it's a hotel, a couple of apartment buildings and a hospital. And some shitty little houses. I head in toward the apartments. Industrious undead bastards. Checking my gear as I go because my water and food meters are starting to go down.

Fuck. Everything but the .45, crowbar and one mag are gone. No bandages, no glowsticks, No. Fucking. Pistachios.

I'd better find something useful in the apartments. Building one is bare, except for a couple of crossbow bolts.

Building two has a zed that falls down the stairs at me and manages to start me bleeding. Fucker. I rifle through the apartment and find some painkillers, but no bandages. Luckily, there's the hospital next door, right?

Nope.

I climb to the roof, nothing. I climb down and frantically try to break in with the crowbar. Nothin' doin' Desperation takes hold and I go loud with the .45 and empty the entire mag, still no joy. What the fuck is this? Transparent aluminum? Fuck you Zombie Scotty. With nothing else to lose, I go swinging at various zombies with the crowbar hoping to kill one with bandages on it. I drop 12 and search them before I'm finally knocked out by yet another zombie in a suit from the apartment.

The all-too-familiar, "You have died." screen shows up. But now, instead of the usual mournful string music to herald my end, I get jaunty 30s big-band.

Now I'm done. At least for the night.
« Last Edit: August 01, 2013, 01:44:50 AM by Surlyboi »

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Slayerik
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Reply #61 on: August 02, 2013, 12:09:48 AM

If they'd throw in DayZ standalone (when completed) from the ARMA 3 beta purchase, I'd be in. I still might be, but 45 bux.

Any thoughts on the overall experience compared to the original DayZ?

"I have more qualifications than Jesus and earn more than this whole board put together.  My ego is huge and my modesty non-existant." -Ironwood
Surlyboi
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Reply #62 on: August 03, 2013, 12:39:53 AM

For the most part, it's leaps and bounds better than Arma 2's experience. For the inventory system alone it's a huge improvement. Animation is smoother, environments are that much better and there's less instances of you breaking your leg on random bits of poorly mapped terrain.

Is it still buggy? Fuck yeah. And now, when you get winded and tired from running forever, your vision starts to tunnel, sort of forcing you to stop moving for a while.  The realism can be a bit too real.

And now, on with the show.

Day 0: Balota

The first thing I hear is not the sound of the ocean, or the sound of nature. Nay, it is the screechy voice of a young english kid who's using voice chat in side channel to communicate at the top of his lungs with someone who sounds Russian.

The rest of the server objects to this violently. One guy even blaming his death on screechy kid as he got mauled by zombies while trying to mute the offending Limey. Everyone else calls shenanigans on this, of course, but hey, at least he tried. The Limey and Ivan show goes on for about 10 minutes of the two of them trying to survive Cherno before some asshole guns them both down with a Winchester. Limey's last words being somewhere along the lines of,

 "Hey you with the shotgun, are you friendly? Oh, why'd you have to go an be a dick?"

Ivan follows this a few minutes later with, "Did he shoot you too". Who was it?

I rat the shooter out because that's the kind of guy I am sometimes. As annoying as they may have been, they were actually trying to help each other out.

While all of the Cherno shit was going down, I was quickly and quietly making my way to the Balota airfield in search of something, anything to get me up and running on this fresh run. I found precisely fuckall. Well, not totally fuckall, I found an M16A2 that I couldn't seem to pick up for the life of me. So pretty much fuckall with a side order of fuck you thrown in.

Then the server shit the bed on me.

I'd deleted and reinstalled everything, so I no longer had to create a server, insert myself into it and then into another game anymore. That saved about five minutes off the re-logging process. Not bad.

I log back in to another server and this time, I'm outside of Balota again, this time with no compass or watch. Apparently those are items that are presets on certain servers and not on others. I do have a patrol pack and a mag carrier though, along with a glowstick and a bandage in case I cut myself raving.

The server gets a notification that someone has been killed by another player wielding a pretty nice assault rifle.

I once again make my way to the airfield in search of useful loot. I manage to make it most of the way to the air traffic control tower before I pick up a zombie tail. With no weapon, I'm left to my only resource, my feet and the terrain, I run up the nearest hill until my vision tunnels almost to a point where it seems like I'm looking through a cardboard tube. I then drop prone and hope I've got enough distance to lose the tail. A good three minute wait without getting jumped by Zeke shows I have. The assault rifle victim dies again. This time, no reason is given.

I make my way back down and around the hill, dropping to a belly crawl whenever I see even a hint of movement. So far, so good. I get to the tower and sneak in. On the first floor, just under the stairs I find a bunch of empty cans. Useless. As I make my way to the second floor, I find a trenching tool. Mostly useless. As I make my way to the top of the tower I find another trenching tool. Redundantly useless. Well, that was a bot of a bust, time to hit the hangars.

I drop to prone again and crawl my way to the first hangar. These early day servers are marvelous. I wouldn't be able to do something like this on a heavily populated server in broad daylight without getting shot by at least two snipers most of the time. In the back of the first hangar I find a tool kit and a load-bearing vest. The LBV nearly doubles the capacity of my current mag carrier, so I put on that molle goodness and begin to move out to the next hangar.

It's about then that I think I hear a rifle reload.

I freeze for a solid minute, hiding in the hollow space near the hangar entrance, waiting for something to happen. Nothing does. I drop to prone again and roll out for hangar two. As I get into it and start to make my sweep, I see a small mob start moving toward me. Three zombies and a single survivor with them on his tail, he's packing a CZ550.

Shit.

Instead of shooting me, he says, "Hi". It's assault rifle victim.

I'm a bit flustered by his greeting and fumble to hit the right keys, making it look like I'm hopping and dropping prone rather violently.

I finally manage to type out my own hello, followed by, "You've got some zombies on you"

"Yeah, I've got that"

he then breaks out a hatchet and hacks away at one of them.

"You look like you could use this," he says, as he drops a crossbow.

I grab the crossbow and two bolts and put down one of the other two zeds as he finishes off the third.

"Ok, later," he chirps and then he runs off out of the hangar.

Before I have time to digest that little interaction, three more zombies catch sight of me and make a beeline for the hangar. I manage to put one down and then try to search the corpse for my bolts. Apparently, they're not recoverable anymore. One of the others tags me and I start to bleed. AR victim comes whizzing back in on a bike of all things, hops off and hacks the remaining shamblers down with the hatchet.

"Here, let me do something for the bleeding"

Is this guy for real?

He bandages me up and then suggests I hop on the bike so we can get the fuck out of Dodge. I agree and we go bouncing out of there, through a few more zombies and then up the hill where we promptly run into a tree, breaking the bike's front wheel.

"Well, that sucks. i've got no spare wheel", he says.

"I think I remember seeing one in one of the tool sheds back down in the airstrip."

"Would you mind coming with me to get it?" he asks, "In return I'll give you a ride to Stary and we'll see if we can find any good loot. I'm gonna use it to head back down to the Bean Coast and help noobs fight off the bandits, you're probably not into that, but you can still get some good gear up there."

"Why the hell not? Protecting noobs is one of the more fun parts of this game for me"

And so, AR victim (I started calling him CW because he sounded Canadian and his name started with a W) and I made our way to the tool shed. I took his hatchet and went slashing in while he covered me with the CZ. We got the wheel we needed and then headed back to the bike.

"Shit, I think we need a tool kit to fix the bike"

"Lucky I've got one."

The bike gets fixed and the other wheel goes about a minute later, right about the same time both our thirst meters start to get angry.

"I think we need to go to Cherno", He says.

"I'm game if you are. we did pretty good up here, as long as we cover each other, it should be fine."

We crouch and run our way to Cherno, me hacking and him covering like we did at the airfield. Figuring we'd make a quick run into the apartments and the hospital to get drinks and medical supplies and then skedaddle. But there were no drinks to be found in the apartments. Found like eight rolls of toilet paper and a straight razor though. What the fuck kind of party were those guys having?

Forced to go deeper into Cherno, we made a few end-arounds the more obvious possible sniper nests and scooted into the church, the supermarket and the houses near the water. Still no drinks. Though the supermarket had almost a dozen carrier vests piled on top of each other along with about six tents pitched out back. Script kiddie activity if I ever saw it, raising little alarm bells in the back of my head and forcing me into a slightly more paranoid mode. I clued CW in and we slowed our ransacking pace just a bit.

 Next, we went for the hotel, empty. But now, CW said he thought he saw someone duck into one of the pubs. We both drop to prone and lean our heads out, looking for non-shambly movement. He points in the direction of the pub and I tell him to cover me as I crab-sprint toward the pub, hatchet at the ready.

As I get into the doorway of the pub, I say in the proximity channel,

"I've got an hatchet but I'm coming up in friendship. My sniper's got me covered if you're thinking of being a dick though."

I hear some shuffling on the second floor and I make my way up. It's empty. Whoever was up there must've logged out.

I give CW the all clear and he joins me in the out where we finally find a couple of cans of pepsi, a water bottle and a .45. I grabbed the 1911 and the empty bottle and we split the soda.

With the possible threat of someone else in the vicinity lessened by the logout, we breathe a little easier and make our way to the military area, which seems to be missing the tents that usually hold the weapons, but we do get enough blood to transfuse each other and have spares for later. We also find another wheel and make our way back toward the bike.

As we get toward Balota again, we both hear the sound of an AKM.

We drop to prone and wait for the next shot. It's further off and not in our direction we get up once more and I fix the bike while he stands overwatch with the CZ. No more shots are heard.

The bike gets fixed and I realize we've been playing for almost two hours and I should log. I bid CW later and we say we'll keep an eye out for each other on server lists for more adventures later.

Not a bad run.
« Last Edit: August 03, 2013, 12:42:00 AM by Surlyboi »

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Surlyboi
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eat a bag of dicks


Reply #63 on: August 08, 2013, 11:59:07 PM

Day 3: Balota

It's quiet. Too goddamn quiet. I need to take advantage of this shit before the asshats hop on the server.

I'm about 300 meters north of the military base. Time to head south and ransack that bitch one more time. I make my way, through a combination of crabwalking and crawling to the control tower. I get in without aggroing any zeds. Good shit. On the second floor, I score the jackpot, an M8 Sharpshooter. Fuckin' A. Select fire AND a scope? Sign me the fuck up. I continue up to the top floor and find a Czech knockoff of an AK47. I'll take that too. Now I've got CQB and long distance covered, plus the hatchet for ol' Zeddy because fuck wasting ammo on them at this point. It's like the Walking Dead ads, "Fight the dead, fear the living." It's gotten to the point now where if I've got a melee weapon, I don't even bother to sneak anymore. I just lead them on a merry chase and then find a choke point to hack the shit out of them with.

People, on the other hand...

I head toward Cherno to pick up a few more bits of food, stopping of course, at the military camp south of Balota to check if anything's there. I find a bag of MREs. Holy shit, if the weapons weren't a proper indicator of how stuff's been upgraded, this is. I bag the MREs and finish the journey to Cherno. MREs are cool, but a bit more food would be cool. In side chat, someone bitches about not being able to find food on the server.

"The server's fucked", he says.

"All the servers are fucked, no one can find food anywhere", someone else replies.

I check into the apartments and pick up four cans of franks and beans and two cans of corn. Asshats.

I then swing out of Cherno, heading North with a destination of Stary. I figure I'll stop there before heading to the airfield, see if I can find some decent holdout before the big jackpots up in the left corner of the map. 

As I'm heading up, someone asks if anyone's got a bloodbag. I've got two.

"Yeah, I've got one, where are you?"

"Elektro", bloodguy responds.

"TRAP", says someone else, as does a voice in my head.

I find a convenient barn outside of Cherno and drop one of the bloodbags in the rafters. I then inform blood guy that where it is and that he can go get it.

"I can barely see and I need someone to transfuse me, I can't transfuse myself."

"TRAAAAAAAAAAAAP", says the other guy again.

'Yeah, no shit", I reply. "No fucking way I'm going to head to Elektro to transfuse you."

"I swear, it's legit", blood guy says. "I'll even put my weapon in my backpack"

Against my better judgment, I agree that I'll transfuse him, "Ok asshole, but I approach your location and I see anything funny, I'm walking away." I suddenly feel like Val Kilmer in Heat, before he got fat, looking for the high sign from Ashley Judd. Trap guy is still going, "Yeah, I wouldn't do that if I were you."

I missed side chat.

I start making my way toward Elekto. Blood guy says he's in the gas station just outside of town. He's also speaking German to some of the other people on the server. I've got my multiple weapons for protection from "Ze Germans", so I figure I'll at least scope it out.

Meanwhile, some other guy is asking if anyone knows what to do if you spawn in the ocean. I suggest swimming to shore, but he doesn't think he'll make it before he freezes to death. I tell him the more time he spends bitching about the situation and looking for an out, the less time he has to swim, so shut the fuck up and do your best Dorrie and "Just keep swimming".

He gets within sight of the shore and dies of hypothermia. And so it goes.

Mark Spitz respawns in Elektro. I tell him to go help out blood guy, but he gets pinned near the fire station by some asshole with a Winchester. I guess I'm gonna try to bail both of these idiots out. It's what I set out to do in this game. Live by the machete, die by the machete. In the meantime, someone else in side chat calls, "Shots fired in Cherno, sounds like two shotguns and a pistol. Lots of shots fired."

"Seriously guys?" I say, "Can't we all just get along?"

"This is DayZ", someone shoots back.

"Yeah, but the zombie apocalypse is no reason to be an asshole." I say. No one has a snappy comeback for that. The gut who reported the shots fired says something about the guys shooting having bad aim for all the shots.

Halfway to Elektro, I hit that weird new town with the indestructible hospital and the apartments. Hospital is still indestructable, but I find three more blood bags on the roof and a supressed .45 in the apartments. Jackpot. I like this brave new world. I let blood guy know my ETA is about five minutes as I make my way further East.

As I get near the outskirts of Elektro, I see a dead survivor. Never a good sign. I sneak around the long way to the body and search it. Picked clean, of course. I dispatch another six zekes in the process and then head for the gas station, where blood guy said he would be.

Of course, he's not there.

"Where the fuck are you?" I ask, "I'm at the gas station and I don't see you."

"Somebody healed me a little bit and I moved further in to Elektro to the hospital, come meet me there."

Even without the chorus to yell it, every alarm bell in my head is shouting, "TRAP". And as I head a little further East, I see a survivor peeking out of the barn near the gas station. He's got a pistol and he's heading my way.

"Friendly or not?" I say. "Answer me or face the consequences." He doesn't answer, of course. And he's obviously not very good at this as, in his haste to come after me, he's managed to aggro about three zeds, one of which tags him long before he's in range to try to shoot me. It doesn't stop him from taking a couple of pot shots, of course. I run North a bit and plant my hatchet in the zed that was following me and then proceed to watch this toolbox try to shoot the zeds on his six. I hear the .45 caliber pistol shots, which only serve to aggro a couple more undead mooks on him and laugh a little to myself as I grab a spot and break out the M8. I cap four of the five zeds on him as he leads them on a Benny Hill-esque chase around the gas station. I let him try to pop the last and laugh a little more as it tags him again and breaks his leg, forcing him to prone. I watch as the last zed kills him and then put a little .556 in its' dome too.

"Fucking amateurs." I say as his death is reported. "This is why you should be nice to people rather than attacking them. I would've saved you if you hadn't shot at me." I doubt it will change his ways, but if it does, good for him. If not, fuck him. Let him die a bunch more times for being an asshat.

Blood guy swears he didn't know the would-be bandit and insists he still needs help at the hospital.

"Fuck that," I say, "Elektro is way too full of dickheads." The fact that you're still alive in there despite your health condition either tells me you're in on this all or you're very lucky. If you're that lucky, you can drag your ass out of town and meet me somewhere else or you can stay there and kung fu your way out. Either way, I'm not going anywhere near the hospital. You want my help, you come to me. And I swear to whatever gods you believe in, you come with anything other than you, I'll end you and every motherfucker in your general vicinity. This is a warning not just to you, but to everyone listening in on this channel, go by the meeting place, get a bullet or three."

I make camp to the North of Elektro and tell him to head to the fire station. Of course, two other assholes show up, looking for easy prey and I put warning shots by both of their heads. One heeds, the other doesn't. I put him down. He then bitches about just wanting to see what happened. "Should've waited for the book."

Blood guy never shows, of course. 20 minutes later, I again head Northwest toward Stary.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.




Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
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Reply #64 on: August 09, 2013, 10:30:03 AM

DayZ radicalthon is best radicalthon.

"Nice attempted blast about my "drinking".  I do enjoy a nice cuppa, but that is because I am a bon vivant of gregarious nature and cheery disposition." - Ab
Slayerik
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Reply #65 on: August 09, 2013, 04:24:34 PM

Yeah, someone gift me Arma3 and shit will get real :) Enjoying the stories Surly. Someday we shall die horribly together....again.

"I have more qualifications than Jesus and earn more than this whole board put together.  My ego is huge and my modesty non-existant." -Ironwood
Surlyboi
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eat a bag of dicks


Reply #66 on: August 09, 2013, 11:24:18 PM

"I have no time to justify to you
Fool you're blind, move aside for me
All I can say to you my new neighbor
Is you must move on or I will bury you
Don't drink the water, there's blood in the water."

First things first. MREs in Chernarus unlike their real life counterparts are FUCKING. AWESOME.

Sure they take up a fuckton of space in your pack, but they replenish a huge chunk of health AND fill both your food and water bars. You see one, grab it.

Day 4: Stary Sobor.

I snuck my way up here, avoiding human contact whenever and wherever possible. The occasional request for help down on the Bean Coast has been ignored temporarily until I get my shit settled. And by settled, I mean set up a decent spooker. A nice, hard to find place to squirrel away a big enough stash of shit for the eventuality of my death. I have no illusions that I'm going to live forever. Sooner or later, someone's gonna get lucky or I'm gonna fuck up and I'm gonna end up face down somewhere in a pool of my own blood. Hopefully I will have given as good as I've gotten in the moments leading up to that, but before that happens, I'd like to have a stash of shit that I can run to when I'm starting over from zero.

Anyway, enough musings about how I'm going to go out and on to the task at hand, finding a few more things before I start nesting. A tent for starters, and a bigger bag to carry it in. I think I've got a couple of spots picked out. One for the holdout stash and one for the big pile of phat lewtz. The little stash will be somewhere near Pavlovo. The big stash will be up by the Pobeda dam. After scoping out the area for a solid five minutes, I begin my sweep of the military tents. The layout here is changed from the way it was in Arma II. One of the barracks buildings from up in the airfield is here now in addition to the usual tents. Cool. More chances to score better gear.

My sweep of Stary yields a pair of NVGs, some ammo for the M8, four 6.5mm mags for some of the newer Arma 3 guns (none of which I've seen yet) and about 6 AK74 variants and 4 G17s. Jesus, it's like the Warsaw Pact and Germany had a drunken party and forgot all their shit. I trade out my Czech knockoff for a AKS-74 RU with a holographic sight. Sadly, unlike a lot of the newer shit in the game, the sight won't come off it if I find a weapon more to my liking. I guess since this isn't entirely the authorized version of DayZ, some shit isn't going to be perfect. I'm still jazzed about the 9mm suppressor I pulled off a suppressed Glock, Can't wait to see if I can pop it on to some other 9mm weapon. Still no decent bag though, Which limits some of my carrying options. As it is, I've got to do some serious juggling between the two assault rifles and the hatchet. While I'm sweeping through, I notice a lot of people getting kicked off due to Steam tickets not validating or something. Hinky, at best.

A little later, the server itself folds.

I log into another server and start to make my way Northwest toward the airfield. One more shot at grabbing settling gear before I start setting up camp. In the meantime, I see a couple of guys talking in side chat about loading up the car they found. Apparently, they've got so much shit, they can't fit it all in the trunk. Hmm, maybe I should find a car too...

Pep boys are still trying to figure out how to get their shit squared away when someone caps one of them from about 200 meters. Yeah, death messages are now broadcasted with the killer's name, weapon and distance. Pep boy number two dies shortly after. Both killed by a guy that was getting repeatedly kicked off the last server. Great, now there's an asshole and possible script kiddie out there with a decent weapon, a car and all of these toolboxes' gear. The thought of that still doesn't stop me from making a, "Manny Moe and Jack were killed by Colonel Mustard in Cherno with a candlestick" joke. I take it as a good sign that I don't suddenly find myself banished to the cornfield.

Might as well make a break for it before the carjacker gets up there. I roll through to the airfield and find it empty of people, but not empty of gear. Well, not the gear I want, but a ton of solid weapons and ammo I wish I had space for. First World Apocalypse Problems. I find a couple of full canteens and switch out my two empty ones for those.

I drink from one of the canteens and instantly regret it. My vision gets blurry for a few seconds and I start to cough. What the fuck? Did it go down the wrong pipe? Nope. That shit I said about certain things in the official version of DayZ not making it in? Well, apparently, I can't switch optics on my guns, but I sure as fuck can get sick.

I haven't said this in a while, but Fuck you, Rocket.

Great, now I need to find some of those antibiotics I've been ignoring all this time. One more thing to force me to make runs into population centers for.

The cough makes sneaking around a lot harder. The zombies hear it and aggro and hiding from assholes is kinda hard when you're hacking away every 30 seconds. I just hope this shit doesn't slowly kill me. I'd made peace with dying to some asshole, not with dying to a canteen of tainted water. I go out like this, I'm gonna be mad as fuck.

I guess I'm gonna have to make a run for Berezino as that's probably the least fucktard infested town with a hospital. Of course, it's all the way across the map.

I'll log out and make my decision tomorrow. *cough*
« Last Edit: August 10, 2013, 09:25:00 PM by Surlyboi »

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Surlyboi
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Posts: 9189

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #67 on: August 11, 2013, 08:23:34 PM

Day 5: Airfield.

I'm basically fucked.

Whatever the water was infested with is indeed slowly killing me. When I logged out, I had a cough that hit me every 30 seconds or so. Now it's constant. My health has dropped below half and everything is severely washed out. Something to do with the body pulling blood from extremities to feed the vital organs. Maybe it's keeping me alive, but if I can't see that far, I'm sniper bait.

I pull out of the barracks I'd logged out in and try to get my bearings. Lots of dead zekes. Someone's been here recently, like last 5-10 minutes recently. Gotta stay low and quiet. I make my way out toward one of the two hangars at the Western end of the field, following the trail of undead corpses.

*cough* Shit.

The cough gives me away as soon as the fit starts.

Proper fucked.

"Hey man," says the guy in the hangar, who's dispatching zeds with a suppressed MK16 CQC, "You sound like hell."

"Thanks, I think."

"Come with me, I think I've got some antibiotics in the trunk."

In the trunk? Yeah, he's got a bullet-riddled Lada in the next hangar and it is indeed full of goodies. Saved by the kindness of strangers. Fuck that guy that said "This is Day Z". Survivors can sometimes help each other.

Unfortunately, there's no antibiotics in the car. Hearing that, we pile into the car and head Northwest out of the airfield proper and into the woods, me hacking away the whole time and the cough getting worse. I check the player list, Car guy is apparently a Halo fan. He's also currently got the most zombie kills on the server. 75 more than me and I'm at number two. Combined though, we've got more kills than everyone else on the server in total. In other words, we're badasses. It's like Gilgamesh and Enkidu or maybe a Yoshitsune and Benkei of the 'Churn. Maybe that's why he didn't pop me on sight, "game recognize game."

The car stops about five minutes later in the middle of a copse of trees that are doing a damn fine job of concealing two tents and another car. This guy's done a lot of what I was setting out to do already. Nice. If I live long enough, I'll contribute. It turns out I will. In one of the tents, there're about five boxes of antibiotics. The cough goes away instantly. It's still gonna take time to get my health back, so my sight is still kinda shitty. I eat an MRE to help alleviate that somewhat and then continue to search the camp. I drop my the M8 and the AKS74u Kobra for an MXC with a holographic sight and a DMR and four mags for both.

"Thanks for actually taking the time to see if I was friendly rather than killing me without a word, man"

"No worries mate, (he's English) I could hear you halfway across the field anyway, figured if you hadn't killed me, you were safe."

I don't tell him how shitty my vision was and the fact that I didn't shoot him was partially because I didn't see him.

We both hop back in the Lada and head back down to the airfield, where we go on a bit of a vehicular zedslaughter spree. Those bitches can really fly if ya hit 'em right. We make a two-man cover run through the fire station and the air traffic control tower. Both of us armed with suppressed pistols and about 12 mags of .45 each. It's fucking awesome. Nothing can touch either one of us as we sweep from building to building. In the top floor of the fire station, I find a MK12 SPR. The SPR is for "Special Purpose Rifle". It's like an M4 for specops snipers. Huge-ass scope, decent range, solid stopping power and select-fire. 10 pounds of whupass. I throw the DMR in the trunk of the Lada and start using the MK12.

We continue our sweep. Now making our way to the hangars through a combination of driving the car up and getting out to sweep each hangar and moving up on foot once inside. It all goes mostly smooth, except for the time Halofan pops me instead of the zed between us.

Oops.

"Shit, sorry man, let me bandage that."

It's a good thing we weren't using rifles.

As we get to the last hangar, we both notice activity on the South side of the airfield, there's another survivor over there.

"You seeing him too?" He asks. "Over by the industrial buildings there?"

"Yeah, I see him."

We both ponder about whether we should take our chances heading over or just leave him be. He sees us and answers our question for us by shooting at us. His loss.

We figure out why he's brave enough to take the shots at us, especially from that range. He's got a buddy a lot closer. Halo fan drops him with his DMR.

"He's down, let's get out of here."

We hop back in the car and head north. As we get near the Northwest wall, I fumble with the controls trying to talk on the vehicle channel and I somehow manage to eject myself from the moving vehicle.

Fuck me, really?

I'm immediately knocked unconscious by this action and I also manage to break a leg and start bleeding. This is possibly the shittiest time for this to happen. Halofan hops out, and tries to do what he can. He manages to bandage me and shoot me up with morphine for the leg. He's got no epipen to pop me out of unconsciousness though, so he's gotta stand overwatch near me for the interminable three minutes it takes for me to return to full wakefulness. I can hear the concern in his voice,

"Shit, mate, you've got to get up"

I hear shots, most but not all from his DMR. This sucks. I've gotten him into a shitty situation and he's sticking around when he really doesn't have to.

I hear some bullets hit the car as that obnoxious hourglass finally goes away. I get up and assess. The car is hosed. All around us are the bodies of dead zombies and a little further out, a dead survivor. We look at each other and then make a run for the hills.

We make it to the edge of the airfield when the server shits the bed.

I'm way too drunk to wait for it to pop back up, so I call it for the night.
« Last Edit: August 11, 2013, 10:50:11 PM by Surlyboi »

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
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Reply #68 on: August 12, 2013, 02:32:47 AM

It's like Gilgamesh and Enkidu or maybe a Yoshitsune and Benkei of the 'Churn.

Darmok and Jalad.

"Nice attempted blast about my "drinking".  I do enjoy a nice cuppa, but that is because I am a bon vivant of gregarious nature and cheery disposition." - Ab
Surlyboi
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Posts: 9189

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #69 on: August 12, 2013, 09:51:02 AM

At Tanagra

Day 6: Wilderness.

I seemed to have made it further out of the airfield than I remember. Question is however, will I be able to find the camp? I've got no map, no GPS, just instinct and hazy memory of a washed-out car ride to and from the area. I start my search in a general northwesterly direction and then start fanning out in bigger and bigger circles until, holy shit. I found it.

It seems Halofan has been busy. The Lada's been repaired. The Gaz is gassed up and there's also a motorcycle here now. All filled with more gear and supplies, including some chopper parts. If this is gonna be my new honeycomb hideout, I'd better start pulling my weight. I grab the Lada and make a run. I figure I'll ransack the airfield again and then maybe head to one of the bigger cities for more medical supplies. I switch out the MK12 for an M24 and head out.

The airfield is completely looted when I get to it. Either that or nothing's spawning. Either way, if I'm going to get any more weapons or ammo, it's not going to be here. I make the command decision to head over to Stary. I've got the car, so it's not that far out of the way. Plus, if I recall correctly, Stary's got a gas station too and I can fill up the jerry cans in the trunk. On the way to Stary, I see several reports of people killed, including two that took each other out at the same time.

I didn't recall correctly. No gas to be found in Stary. There are guns though and I pull up to just outside the military tents to start my smash and grab. Some STANAG mags here, a couple more AKs and some pistol ammo, a British backpack. (That's new) and assorted other goodies. As I get to the fourth tent in and am about to grab a suppressed pistol, I hear the Enfield.

I peek out and see a guy coming right at me, Enfield at the ready, a few freshly alerted zombies in tow. At this point, I'm not sure whether he was shooting at me or the zeds, so I yell, "I'm not hostile, what are your intentions?" The bullet flying by my ear before I even finish saying that answers my question. Fucking amateurs. I run out into him, as I've been hefting the hatchet rather than the MXC, since it's not suppressed and I'd rather not waste the ammo. I don't even think about the suppressed .45 I was carrying as well. Straight moron mode at this point because this douchebag just shot at me with a goddamn Lee Enfield twice and missed.

I swing the hatchet and start him bleeding. This causes him to panic and start running away from me around the tent. It also causes some of his aggroed zeds to start following me so I peel off and head down into the nearby horse stable to funnel them. Once inside, I switch to the MX. The reason for doing this is two-fold. One: It may cause Enfield to realize he's outgunned, if he hasn't bled out yet, and Two: I haven't really tested it for its stopping power against zeds yet. Objective two pans out beautifully. Zeds are dropping like flies and the holographic sight is great for target acquisition. Yeah, going loud brings a few more zeds to the yard, but they go down just as quickly as they show up. Objective one? Not so successful.

As I'm finishing off the last zeds in the horse stable, I hear the suppressed pistol I left in the fourth tent. Enfield picked it up and is making his way toward me. I grab a strategic position and put two rounds over his shoulder. "I'll say this one more time, I'm not hostile, but you are outgunned. Take your shit and go and there's no hard feelings."

Never underestimate the stupidity of Day Z players.

He tags me with the .45 and I start bleeding. I air him out with half a mag of 6.5mm. He's dead before his body hits the ground. I bandage myself, loot Enfield's body, which amounts to fuckall, switch back to the hatchet and finish looting the tents. I find thee medkits in the medical tent. Convenient place for them. These things rock. If you can find a secluded place and set yourself up with one, it slowly heals you over about the course of ten minutes. You just need a couple of undisturbed minutes to use it on yourself.

I pack all the shit I've found into the car and then make a quick run to the supermarket for more food and a tent and then scoot out of town. I stop at the airfield one more time and grab some gas and scrap metal from the northwest end. I then manage to make it back to camp again and set up the new tent and start sorting shit between the three. I then get to work repairing what things I can on our vehicles and generally making sure the campsite can't be easily seen.

Not a bad day, all told. But if Enfield's an example, the assholes are starting to come back.
« Last Edit: August 12, 2013, 02:01:44 PM by Surlyboi »

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
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