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f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  PC/Console Gaming  |  The f13 Radicalthon  |  Topic: Chern-R-Us, or As I walk through the valley of the shadow of zeds. 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
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Author Topic: Chern-R-Us, or As I walk through the valley of the shadow of zeds.  (Read 16177 times)
Surlyboi
Terracotta Army
Posts: 9164

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #70 on: August 13, 2013, 11:48:29 AM

Day 7: Rogovo

They're baaack...

I'm making my way south back to the Bean Coast for a run through Cherno for more medical supplies. Why the fuck would I do that? It's relatively dark and the server's kinda light. That said, the douchebags that are on are pretty vocal in side channel though.

My favorite is someone complaining about having no friends and then telling someone else he's fuck buddies with his dead father. You stay classy, Chernarus. Turns out the same guy is hanging out in the Balota tower with an M24 taking pot shots at whoever goes by, be they zed or survivor. Like I said, Classy.

Meanwhile, somewhere near Berezino, someone's car has apparently broken down and they're asking for either a wheel or a ride. Someone else tells him they've left an ATV near Dubrovka because they were tired of waiting for his dumb ass to show up. He thanks them and starts his trek west. He gets to the ATV and is killed by someone who was waiting for him because they'd overheard the conversation and knew where he was going.

Another guy asks for help in Cherno, as he's broken his leg and is afraid to crawl anywhere for fear of zeds and dickish survivors. Despite my better judgment, I head toward his location. Someone else does the same thing and announces his intentions to come help.

"Thanks," says broken leg guy.

Since I'm in the area anyway, I watch the proceedings through my scope. The good samaritan gets to the appointed location, and broken-leg guy's leg isn't broken at all, it was a trap. He opens up on the samaritan with a Winchester and the samaritan ducks and covers into the shelter of a nearby machine shed and promptly logs out.

"Fucking pussy," rants trap douche. "He combat logged. What a shitty thing to do."

Someone else chimes in with, "yeah, that's bullshit."

A third person chirps, "You both need to shut the fuck up."

Of course, I've got to add my two cents. "Yeah, combat logging may be shitty, but no shittier than pretending to be hurt in Cherno to lure someone in and then shoot them. Especially when they had no weapons to shoot back with."

"That's not shitty, that smart playing," Trap douche retorts. "Besides, isn't it survival at any cost?"

"Not if that cost makes you king of the graveyard, you shitheel. And especially if you're resorting to shooting at unarmed opponents. I'd like to see how much of a badass you'd be against someone with a weapon."

"Oh really? Why don't you come down to Cherno and try me?" he bravely postures.

"Sure, why not?"

A couple of seconds later, the next server message read thusly: "Trap douche was killed by surlyboi (M24 - 520meters)"

I get a few comments about how cold that was, but karma's a bitch sometimes.

I packed my shit up and headed back north. Man, fuck the Bean Coast.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Slayerik
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Posts: 4826

Victim: Sirius Maximus


Reply #71 on: August 13, 2013, 12:35:23 PM

Surly is my hero and I will be back in Chernarus soon. As soon as I can get it to work. Been pretty painful so far.

Thanks again G

"I have more qualifications than Jesus and earn more than this whole board put together.  My ego is huge and my modesty non-existant." -Ironwood
Paelos
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Posts: 26582

Error 404: Title not found.


Reply #72 on: August 13, 2013, 01:33:09 PM

Nobody puts Surlyboi in a corner.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Surlyboi
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Posts: 9164

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #73 on: August 13, 2013, 05:11:46 PM

You can put me in a corner, just don't be surprised when I come at you like rabid fucking spider monkey.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Surlyboi
Terracotta Army
Posts: 9164

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #74 on: August 13, 2013, 10:30:16 PM

Speaking of corners:

Day 8: Vybor

I'm heading back up to the airfield for another loot run. It's been fairly quiet so far and from the looks of it, the field is quiet.

I slide in and hit the southwestern barracks. Clean. I run over to the two hangars. Clean. Power station? A couple of .45 mags and a shotgun. Fuck that noise. Air traffic control tower? Negatory. I get to the five hangars and the first one has an M16A2. Meh. I kill a couple dozen zeds through all of this with the hatchet and all is well.

I duck my head out of the second hangar when I see a survivor duck into the the third. I make a turn into the space between the two hangars and switch from the hatchet to the MXC, "just in case". The survivor I saw pelts me in the back with his AK. I duck around the back of the third hangar to run into his partner. He's been running, so his aim is shit. His loss. I drop to prone and fire three solid bursts center mass and up to his face. He's done. I'm bleeding like a motherfucker and my vision is quickly going black and white, but I've got the presence of mind to turn and catch the first guy before he rounds the corner, anticipating where his head will be, I let fly with the rest of the ammo in the mag. Two for two. It's their third buddy that's following him that gets me as I'm reloading. Shouldn't have had that last martini.

Like I said, someone will get lucky, or I'll fuck up. In this case, it was both.

Enjoy those NVGs, fuck-os.

Day 0: Elektrozavodsk

Fuck. Me.

I'm on the western border of the city and I'm fresh out of everything. I need at least a hatchet or something to tide me over to get back to the stash. I begrudgingly head into the center of town in hopes of finding something that'll up my survival percentage 'til I get back to the honeycomb hideout. I manage to aggro a decent number of zeds before I find my way to the church where I find a Makarov. In my circuitous route here, I picked up three mags, so that gives me a total of six with the three I find with the gun here. I decide to dispatch as many of the zeds on my tail as possible. In the process, I alert a few more zeds and some survivors. Three of them who just managed to crash their Yugo into the fire station.

Asshats.

"Hey, Makarov guy, stand away from the car", one of them says in a strong Swedish accent as I head to the fire station.

"Don't give a shit about your car, guys. I need to find something to get me by the zeds."

I hit on an AK74, but it hasn't fully spawned in yet, so I can't pick it up. I continue upstairs looking for a hatchet, no luck. I come back up and one of the Swedish bros has picked up the now, fully accessible AK. They're running around like chickens with their heads cut of while zombies mill about the fire station. I pop five of them in the head while the bros continue to look like morons. The one that picked up the AK decides then to open up on me with it. He's a shitty shot, but he still lights me up. Not before I put two in his Swedish grill though. I run up the stairs with a medpack and try to apply it to myself, when I hear in local, "No way, how am I dying?"

"Because you're a shitty shot and I put two in your face, you fucking asshole, why the fuck did you shoot me?"

"We told him not to." says one of the other Swedes. Fuck lot of good that does me now. At the very least, he dies before I do.

As I wait for the second stage of the medpack to kick in, a zed comes up and finishes me.

You Are Dead. That's twice in less than 20 minutes. At least I went out fighting the good fight both times. That said, this isn't a pattern I generally want to continue.

I think I'm gonna need backup.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Merusk
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Reply #75 on: August 14, 2013, 12:46:46 PM

"Oh really? Why don't you come down to Cherno and try me?" he bravely postures.

"Sure, why not?"

A couple of seconds later, the next server message read thusly: "Trap douche was killed by surlyboi (M24 - 520meters)"

I get a few comments about how cold that was, but karma's a bitch sometimes.

That's not cold, that's fucking awesome. Two thumbs up. Thumbs up!

I can't get past the panties - Alluvian
I really like the cocks. - Lantyssa
People rarely believe just how good I am at sucking. - Lantyssa
I love the swinging dongs - Signe
Slayerik
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Posts: 4826

Victim: Sirius Maximus


Reply #76 on: August 14, 2013, 02:32:24 PM

Good news on the backup front.

Day 0: Cherno

I spawn into the game after about 4 real hours of troubleshooting and banging my head against the wall. I'm on the roof of a factory, with a broken leg. Had I been smart, I woulda just jumped off the top and started over but instead I hobble my ass to the middle of town. Zombie can't see me too well, as I am hobbled, so I walk up and give him a kiss and he proceeds to start the zombie gangbang.

Day 0: Cherno

Alright, I'm in and without any signs of me being a gimp from the get-go! Woo hoo! Make a cherno sweep, starting with the apartments. Got a crowbar, killed a couple zeds without bleeding. Not bad!

I found a hatchet. Oh my. <3 My supermarket sweep (miss that show) produced a M1911 and I have a fuckload of ammo for it. Couldn't figure out how to bring it up and aim, so I stick with the silent zombie death weapon. The firehouse was a bust, but hey....I didn't get fucked by some bean coast bum so things could be worse. A final sweep of high value residential spots produces a Winny and an Alice pack. Oh fuck yeah, it's on now. I proceed to the apartments and end up logging there to GF aggro.

Surly, hop on the mumble server I provided...unless you have a different spot.

"I have more qualifications than Jesus and earn more than this whole board put together.  My ego is huge and my modesty non-existant." -Ironwood
Surlyboi
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eat a bag of dicks


Reply #77 on: August 14, 2013, 02:43:30 PM

I'm pulling a long one today, so I might not be on tonight, but I'll keep you updated.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Slayerik
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Posts: 4826

Victim: Sirius Maximus


Reply #78 on: August 16, 2013, 12:20:57 PM

Day 1 Airfield

I decided to count my blessings and GTFO of Cherno and head to an even sketchier area - the Balota Airfield. A quick sweep of the industrials and LV military spawn come up empty, and I head for the real deal - hangars and control tower.
Hangar 1 - crap
Hanger 2 - more crap
Hangar 3 - piles of crap

Is there a fourth hangar? IDK. I dispatched a couple zeds with my trusty Hatchet of Obliteration, and proceeded to the control tower...where the good stuff should be. Yup, first floor had a M8 with 2 mags. Not sure exactly what an M8 is, but it has a scope and has the title 'Sharpshooter' so I'll assume it's nice. I eagerly head up stairs to the top of the tower. I stand there and start fiddling with my inventory when it happens. I'm hit hard. Bullets begin wizzing by, and I panic and try to escape out the back - but had no real idea where the shots had come from (that area is exposed almost 360 degrees around.

My vision is pretty fucked, I'm leaking blood like a siv, but I know my way around here with my eyes closed. I try to book it between some hangars and bandage myself, but murphy's law...a fuckin' zeke is that way. I turn and run towards the forest, zig-zagging...hoping to just make it to some bushes. I dive into them, patch up, and try to scan for the assailant when the sound of gunfire and bullets hitting around me force my hand and I get up and start hauling more ass. I do my best drunken runner impression, trying not to make a predictable target but fail. Two more rounds finish me off.

Where I went wrong: I panicked. Having been too far gone from DayZ, I was unable to control the fear and adrenaline. When I started taking fire I should have went prone, bandaged...and set up an ambush. The murderer would eventually come to the tower and when he came up those stairs he'd be proper fucked. But no, I ran like a scared little girl to my death and murderer guy now has an M8 to go around proper fucking every noob searching Balota.

Day 0: Quarry

Man, fuck. I'm way out here. Best head to Berezino! Along the coast I stumble upon a brand new firehouse and apartment complex...which paid off with an Alice bag and a makarov. I find my hatchet, make my way to Berezino and find another M8. Sweet. I'm decently stocked with weapons, food, drink, and ammo. I pick a spot, and 'observe' Berezino before hitting the sack. I've already made it longer than the last M8. WOO HOO.

"I have more qualifications than Jesus and earn more than this whole board put together.  My ego is huge and my modesty non-existant." -Ironwood
Surlyboi
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Posts: 9164

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #79 on: August 16, 2013, 03:39:10 PM

The M8 is basically a jumped-up G36. There's a compact version and a sharpshooter version. The sharpshooter version has an 8x scope and the compact has a red dot.

Pretty much all the weapons in there are takes on current stuff with the exception of the MX series, which are kind of like Magpul ACRs, except they fire 6.5mm rounds. Those roll in a standard, compact and sniper variety. The compact being my favorite.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Stormwaltz
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Reply #80 on: August 17, 2013, 01:30:08 AM

Surly, I wish there were people like you-in-game around when things go bad in-real-life.

Your posts are viscerally, intellectually, and morally satisfying.

Nothing in this post represents the views of my current or previous employers.

"Isn't that just like an elf? Brings a spell to a gun fight."

"Sci-Fi writers don't invent the future, they market it."
- Henry Cobb
Strazos
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Posts: 15270

Trading Cotton for Chalupas in 2014!


Reply #81 on: August 17, 2013, 05:21:58 AM

I might have to actually give this thing a shot if you all are still playing once I am back in the US and build a new rig.

Fear the Backstab!
"Plato said the virtuous man is at all times ready for a grammar snake attack." - we are lesion
"Hell is other people." -Sartre
Surlyboi
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Posts: 9164

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #82 on: August 17, 2013, 04:04:20 PM

Surly, I wish there were people like you-in-game around when things go bad in-real-life.

Your posts are viscerally, intellectually, and morally satisfying.

That may be one of the coolest things anyone's ever said about my writing. Thank you.

As for what I do in-game, one of the reasons is there are precious few people who'll do that IRL and even less that will do it in DayZ, specifically because the game gives them license to be the jerks they want to be in real life. I've been a jerk in real life and ended up hating myself for it. This is me carrying who I am now into a world where I can be that avenging badass.

Sadly, everyone I've fucked up has probably taken the wrong message from their comeuppance.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
CmdrSlack
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Posts: 4388


WWW
Reply #83 on: August 17, 2013, 05:31:37 PM

Dammit, I have a better rig now than I did when you two were last playing Day Z.

Guess I'd better go look for Arma III pricing on steam.

I traded in my fun blog for several legal blogs. Or, "blawgs," as the cutesy attorney blawgosphere likes to call 'em.
Slayerik
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4826

Victim: Sirius Maximus


Reply #84 on: August 17, 2013, 10:52:36 PM

Been hoping you'd see this, Slackdaddy. Now if I can just find some more time to play...

"I have more qualifications than Jesus and earn more than this whole board put together.  My ego is huge and my modesty non-existant." -Ironwood
Surlyboi
Terracotta Army
Posts: 9164

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #85 on: January 06, 2014, 08:34:57 PM

Back in the (former) U.S.S.R.

Day 0: I'm feeling thirsty...

Wait, what the fuck happened to my little location crawl in the lower left corner? I'm pretty sure there's no town in the 'Churn called "I'm feeling thirsty". Matter of fact, where the fuck are my hunger, thirst and blood meters? Where's my sound and vision? Apparently, those two have taken off with Major Tom.

Oh, this is DayZ standalone. More "emergent". "immersive" gameplay from our old pal Rocket. Yes, the bullshit is emerging and I've chosen once again to immerse myself in it.  Meet the new 'Churn, same as the old 'Churn. On the plus side, before starting your adventures, you get to do a little futzing with the way you look. I went for a medium color with a dark green shirt and brown pants. Better to hide myself in foliage and the stains don't show when and if I shit my pants after a close encounter.

I try to get my bearings, from the looks of the gas station across the road from me, I think I'm somewhere near Cherno. I've been playing this goddamn thing too long.

I take inventory of my gear, I've got a flashlight and an extra battery in my pocket and that's it. I wonder if I can use the flashlight as a makeshift weapon...

Nope. Emergent, my ass.

I crouch and make a break for the gas station and hear my first zeke after I take about two steps. So much for easing myself back into this shit. I go from the slow crouch walk to a full-on crouch run as I try to avoid ol' Zeeky. I manage to take a look over my shoulder and he's a she. No more just being chased by former Soviet soldiers and dead assholes in earflap hats anymore, the walking dead have gone equal opportunity.

Regardless of sex, this one's a bitch. She hits me once on the way into the gas station kiosk and I get another little message down in the corner, "I can feel warm blood running down my clothes." One shot and I'm bleeding already, great.

At this point, I've got nothing to lose, so the crouch becomes a full upright sprint as I make a break for a nearby factory. Zeekette, of course, hot on my heels. I manage to swing over a bit of broken wall and around a corner, breaking line of sight and hopefully shedding aggro. I wait a full two minutes and nothing happens. Cool, lost her now to go find a bandage or something. I get up and start moving and she rounds the corner and shrieks and runs at me again. Fucking great. I run around another corner and find a ladder and climb up it, hopefully not making myself sniper bait in the process. Once I get to the top of the factory, I drop prone and crawl to the other side of the roof.

I can still hear her shrieking down below. Apparently, she can still follow me even though I'm not making any noise and she can't see me. Maybe she hears me bleeding.

I jump from the roof to a railing surrounding a nearby smokestack and climb down. She seems to get stuck on the stack, so I bolt for another building across some railroad tracks. "My clothes are sticky with blood", the crawl reminds me. It also tells me I could use a drink. Yeah, I really could. Why am I playing this sober again?

I duck into the train station on the other side of the tracks and find some motorcycle helmets. Cool, now when I die and come back as a zed, I won't be able to bite anyone. Why the fuck are there three motorcycle helmets in a train station anyway?

I don't have too much time to ponder this as I pass out from blood loss a few seconds later.

You Are Unconscious.

Thanks for the update. Just a black screen and those words. No clue as to when or if I'll wake up, just that. Yeah, let's sit and stare at a screen that says, "you are unconscious" for the next however long.

Emergent. Immersive.

I never wake up.

Day 0: I could use a drink

Shit, I shoulda made myself a martini while I was unconscious. Oh well, missed opportunities.

I once again try to get my bearings, looks like I'm somewhere between Otmel and Drakon, just east of Elektro. A couple of minutes after walking what I assume is west, my assessment is confirmed as one of the cranes just outside of Elektro slips into view.

I slip into a couple of buildings and find a few things, a rock hammer among them. Can I use that as a weapon? Can I get all Old Boy up on some asshat that feels like fucking with me?

Nope. Emergent.

In the next room, however, I find a crowbar. It's in passable condition, meaning sooner or later it's gonna break on me.  I also find a burlap sack which I can't use a a bag and some beat up rope that may also break some time in the near future if I use it.

Added complexity. Immersive.

Fuck you in your left nostril, Rocket. Seriously, right in the snot box. Even Zork got the burlap sack piece right, you fuck knuckle.

I take the sack and the crowbar and leave the hammer and rope as I can't just put them in the burlap sack and take them with me. I then move deeper into town. The big difference now is that those buildings I'm used to passing by because I can't get into are now accessible. In one of them I find a cross-chest holster and a watch cap. I put both on and move on. In the next building, I find a hatchet. I drop the crowbar and grab it and take stock of my surroundings from the second floor of the building. No signs of either zeds or people.

I move to the next building. I'm near the school and that'll be my next stop, but first let's see what I find in here...

A pair of slightly worn Wellies which I replace my sneakers with and a bright orange backpack. So much for the whole earth tone, blend into the wilderness motif. I'll still take it because it'll allow me to carry more shit. I take a peek outside of the building and then make a run for the school. I get in and run through the rooms of the first floor, bypassing a couple more watch caps and nothing more. As I head toward the stairs to recon the upper floors, I see what looks like a guy in hazmat gear and a gas mask making a beeline for the same building.

I don't stop at the stairs, I continue out the side exit and make a break for the nearby hill. Either he didn't see me, or he didn't have a weapon. Either way, I'm not staying close enough to give him any ideas.

A few glance back where I came from show me I don't have a tail. I wait at the top of the hill in the cover of a copse of trees for about five minutes just to make sure and then I head back down toward the power station, warily looking in all directions as I go but wasting no time to get there. As I get in; I find a first aid kit, a pair of work gloves and a small pelican case, along with a can of soda and a can of beans.

Jackpot.

I chug the soda and two seconds later still get a "I'm thirsty" message. Apparently soda doesn't do much to quench your thirst anymore. Great.

I clear out of Elektro anyway, figuring I might as well get out while the getting's good.

I head north into the hills and then east and camp out near a tree. Tomorrow I'll head for Balota and see if I can at least score something for that holster.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Falconeer
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a polyamorous pansexual genderqueer born and living in the wrong country


WWW
Reply #86 on: January 07, 2014, 02:43:08 AM

Glad you are back. Glad this is back. I am in love with Chearnarus all over again, and to have you celebrate my crush with these posts is the best way to start 2014 right.

Surlyboi
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Posts: 9164

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #87 on: January 07, 2014, 11:57:08 AM

I'll do this a bit longer, but this is alpha and obviously so. The zeds warping through walls and floors, not being able to hit shit properly with melee weapons, that kinda stuff. Hell, even Rocket is recommending staying away for another month because shit's broken.

That said, my best chances of getting in and making a difference are now, when only the truly dedicated are playing, before the asshats descend in force. I may be tilting at windmills, but that's me, so fuck it. I'll stay 'til the suck is unbearable.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Paelos
Contributor
Posts: 26582

Error 404: Title not found.


Reply #88 on: January 07, 2014, 11:58:23 AM

Bugs are just way to improve your narrative skills!  why so serious?

Seriously I love this stuff.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Surlyboi
Terracotta Army
Posts: 9164

eat a bag of dicks


Reply #89 on: January 08, 2014, 10:31:01 PM

Day 1: I feel like a drink.

No shit. A day's gone by and I'm still thirsty. Apparently shit's changed more than I thought in the 'Churn. Instead of waking up with a full stomach and totally hydrated, you now start half empty. And depending on what you do, that tank can drain pretty damn quick. Food for thought. Pun only slightly intended. Knowing this does me a fuck lot of good right now, as I've got no drink and a beat up can of beans with no opener.

Yeah, shit's that real now. I can't use a hammer as a weapon, but there's can openers in this thing. Bang, zoom, Rocket.

I trudge on however and I make the command decision to not head for Balota as this blaze orange and white backpack makes for a really solid bullseye. Better to find somewhere a little less well-traveled. Berezhino it is. Or at least it will be if I don't die of thirst first. I snake my way into the hills north of Electro, sneaking through farm houses, hen houses and out houses. For my trouble, I find a windbreaker and some shotgun shells. I stuff the shells in the pocket of the windbreaker and move on.

My stomach growls.

Hey look at that, I've got a chorus now. I look at the can of beans. The words, "Open can of beans with hatchet" appear before my eyes. Ok, I'll bite. I take the hatchet to the can and spill almost half of the beans in the process. Good plan. At least the can is open now and I can eat the beans.

Hmm, I wonder if I can use the now open can as a makeshift cup and scoop out some water from this nearby stream?

Hell, no. Why would something as stupid as that work? The 'Churn makes its own rules, bitch. Slightly disheartened, I move on.

20 minutes later I stumble onto a farm, no zed in sight, so I sneak in and look around. I find a well that I can drink from and quench my thirst. Rock on. I drink for a good five minutes. That should hold me for a while. I take stock of my surroundings and move out. It looks like Iím somewhere near Guglovo. I move northwest, looking to make my way to Stary Sobor. I cut across country, keeping a low profile and watching all directions for zeds or other survivors. The coast is clear almost all the way in.

I finally attract the attention of another zed as Iím crawling by a small house near the supermarket in Stary. Crawling. Thereís no way I should have been seen. The aggro range on zeke is all outta whack. I know this is an alpha, but jesus, thatís shit thatís been working even in the knockoff mods. I make a break for the supermarket and find some good shit in there, including a pipe wrench and some more cans of soda.

Of course, I canít pick up much of that because zeke is on my six.

In the fucking floor.

Fuck me.

I swing the pipe wrench and get nothing but floor, even though the zed is right in front of me. Well, his head is, anyway. I vault the freezer case and head for the exit. Zeke a few feet behind. I clear out of the supermarket and swing away, catching her clean in the face. The telltale sign that I can loot the body telling me Iím done.

Except Iím not.

She. gets. back. up.

And she tags me. And I start bleeding. I hit her over and over until she stops moving. And then I hit her again for a solid 30 seconds.

Just to be sure.

Now I need to roll into a safe place and bandage myself. Iím bleeding a lot. I get in and go into my pack and grab the first aid kit. As I start to bandage myself, I black out.

You Are Unconscious.

Fuck.

Apparently thereís a bug with the unconscious state that you sometimes canít recover from.

I log out and back in a few times and no joy.

Looks like Iím starting over.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
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Reply #90 on: January 09, 2014, 04:16:14 AM

The "unconscious" state is full of bugs, but supposedly you can remain the unconscious state (unless you hit "respawn") for hours because other players might use things on you to revive you. Defibrillators, transfusions, and so on. Problem is most of this doesn't work yet.

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Reply #91 on: January 09, 2014, 04:37:49 PM

why would anyone make that a thing...

some of rockets decisions are just loco.

*Should be working*
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Reply #92 on: January 10, 2014, 03:40:50 AM

Many of the things he's doing are really just attempts at "realism" as opposed to "gamism" which is something he doesn't seem to be that interested in.

The surprise is that about a million people so far seem to be into that, something unthinkable and absolutely unpredictable before Day Z. Some things sound odd and unfun, but they seem to be what make Day Z so unique and create content for countless stories.

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Reply #93 on: January 12, 2014, 05:05:55 PM

why don't we make it such that if you die you can never play again?  ever?  or if you're shot and knocked out you have to rehabilitate for 6 months??  I get where he's trying to take it, and the game is great for what it is, but some decisions he makes are downright retarded from a game perspective.  As hard as he tries, its just a game, sometimes i think he forgets.

*Should be working*
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Reply #94 on: January 12, 2014, 06:04:02 PM

Well, the other night I went unconscious, and happened to come back to "life" after about 5 minutes. Then I went out again a few minutes later, and regained consciousness after 1 minute. I think this random stuff is awesome. Don't like it? Play War Z.

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Reply #95 on: January 13, 2014, 12:14:21 AM

I don't particularly like that bit of uncertainty, and I've not played War Z because I heard it sucks more than DayZ. I think I may play this because I'm a masochist but also I won't let Rocket's bullshit beat me. At least not yet.

Day 0:

Who the fuck knows? Somewhere on the Bean Coast. I've died too much to just ridiculous shit. Bugs, over-aggressive states of unconsciousness, zombie versions of Nightcrawler (*Bamf*, you're dead) I need to get my shit together and put the hammer down. Well, not the hammer, because we've already established that that's not usable as a weapon. You get the gist though.

I take stock and look around. Oh shit, a road sign. Berezhino is only a mile away up the coast. I must be in Nizhnoye. I think this is the furthest north I've even spawned. As I start to move, I get the usual indications that I'm hungry and thirsty. Let's throw those in there right away again.

I also notice a body. Three bodies, actually. All recently dead. All still with their starter gear.

This can't be good.

I make a quick cut for the first shelter I can find, making myself as small a target as possible and waiting a good five minutes while watching the bodies to see if whoever or whatever killed them is still lurking around. Nothing. I sneak back out and give the corpses a second look, making sure I didn't miss anything. Nope. I loot one of the corpses' t-shirts and then look up to see someone running at me.

"There's no good loot around here", he yells as he runs by.

I notice that one of the corpses is his and he's running by heading in toward the mountains.

"Watch your back out there", I reply as I decide to head north toward BZ. No sense in following him into the hills at this point.

I make it to Berezhino without incident and find that this new 'Churn is decidedly different than the old one. No military camp for starters. The tenements are no longer merely abandoned, they're ransacked as shit. The end of the world came here in a weird way. I pick my way through the place and find a whole bunch of not much. After getting halfway through town, I've only got a pair of combat boots and a pipe wrench to show for my troubles.

As I'm moving on to the next building, I see a zed a few hundred meters away and up a hill. It apparently sees me to because it immediately starts shambling in my direction. That's another bug report that needs to be filed. I run into the building and find a pair of hunter pants. I could use them because they've got more pockets. I take off my pants and put those on. I then remember I had a couple of things in the pockets of the pants I just took off, so I grab them again and put them on, figuring the switch will just drop them back on the floor.

Nope. The hunter pants are now gone and the jeans have nothing in the pockets. I take those off again and then they disappear. It's right about now that hill zombie catches up to me, despite having been out of line of sight for at least a couple of minutes. He hits me once and I'm bleeding, of course. Maybe it's the lack of pants.

I swing away until he goes down and disappears and then rip up my t-shirt and use the rags as makeshift bandages. I stop the bleeding, but now I'm down to my skivvies and a pair of jungle boots. Great.

I swing through the rest of the building and find a plaid shirt. I put that on, giving me at least some cover and a couple more pockets. There's not a whole helluva lot of anything in Berezhino anymore, so I get the hell out of town, heading west. I stop at the deer stand on the way out and that's remarkably empty too. The struggle is real.

I'm about to give up for the night, when I notice an incomplete factory in the middle of the woods. I sneak in and find a dead guy with an axe laying on the floor of one of the outlying buildings. Looks like the poor bastard got tagged and bled out here. I take the axe and his pants. He won't need them anymore and I get to stop running around in tighty whities. (Really Rocket? At least give us some boxers.) I run to the main construction site and make a sweep through the four floors. On the second floor, I find a defibrilator and some bananas. Can't use the defib, so I leave it. the bananas go in my shirt pockets. In the stairwell I find a blue day pack. Nice, now I can start carrying more shit, including the can of propane and the camp stove I find on the next landing. Now I can cook my bananas or something. Maybe boil some water to keep from getting sick.

On the next floor, I find a bigger, green mountain pack. Having learned my lesson from the pants debacle, I make sure to empty the current pack before picking up the new one. I then painstakingly re-pack the stuff into the new pack. Making sure no one's got a clear line of sight on me from any weird angles. After I'm fully packed, I head up to the roof, where I find a fire axe, a shovel and a fire extinguisher.

The fire extinguisher is a weapon, by the way.

I also find a few cans of soda, a bottle of water and some beans and a can of spaghetti, enabling me to quench my thirst and tide over my hunger. Now, I've got a healthy set of gear to go exploring with. I'm almost ready for a trek northwest. All I'd really need to round out this stuff is a decent firearm of some sort, as melee right now is for shit. I hop out and head further west. Should I pass through a few more towns, I'll ransack them on the way.

The first town I hit has a bunch of zeds milling around a rusted out machine shed. The all seem to be fixated on the shed itself. Either someone ran in there and logged recently, or they ran in there and died. Either way, them not looking at me means I can at least sneak through part of the town. I scoot through to the town's police station and cross my fingers for something good. A couple of canteens and a box of cereal. As I'm leaving, I take a look up the little flight of stairs that go nowhere and I see it.

A Mosin 9130. Basically, the old Russian version of an Enfield. It'll be loud and unwieldy, but at this point, I'll take it. I check my gear one more time and head out. As I open the door, I see another zed standing across the street from me. She's got her back to me, so she doesn't aggro immediately. I line up the shot with the Mosin, take a deep breath and ring the dinner bell.

The shot kills zed instantly and instead of falling to the ground, she disappears like the last one did. "Alpha" I check my surroundings, looking for the oncoming horde, and none come. Thanking whatever server gods are watching, I get the fuck out of dodge and head what I think is west.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
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Reply #96 on: January 13, 2014, 03:34:23 AM

As good as ever.

About vanishing pants, I am sure you got it by now but there's significant lag between when you drop something on the floor and when it appears for everybody (including yourself) to see and interact with it. So drop your pants, then wait 5 to 30 seconds for them to show up. It's frustrating, but so far I've never had anything just disappear. It's only a matter of time before they do, unless you were too close to a wall. In that case, they could be 'in' it. Too bad...

Deer stands are all empty (so far) in this iteration of Day Z.

Camp stoves don't work yet as far as I know, cooking isn't in but it has been listed as the next feature in the queue to be implemented.

The fire axe is OP. Kills zombies and players in one hit.

And I am sure you noticed this but so far there's like one zombie every 10 square kilometers, maybe less, so no hordes to be afraid of. It'll be fun to see how the game will change when the real zombie threat will be patched in. We got too comfortable withouth zombies roaming, or spawning inside buildings.

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Reply #97 on: January 14, 2014, 01:45:20 AM

If the hordes are no shows, I must be a magnet. I've run into a shitton at times.

Day 1:

So... I didn't head west exactly. I more or less headed southeast. I got kicked from the server, the next one I logged into had a server message that read "Combat loggers are douchebags". Probably, but not as much as someone who feels the need to post that shit in their server message. Next. On the next server, it was the middle of the night. The moon was up and it seemed bright enough to travel so I stayed with it. About a half hour into my journey, I saw the ocean. I figured I had to be somewhere near Cherno at this point, so I dipped a little farther south to check the location. I was way off.

Instead of heading into Cherno, I found myself in Elektro again. Every time I think I'm out...

Well, if I'm gonna be here anyway, might as well make a run through some of the easy spots. Especially since it's dark and the chances of getting sniped are cut to about half. First stop, the fire station. Here, I find my second weapon and a zed screeching and swinging at thin air. I put my trusty axe through the back of her skull and she's done. This one takes a few seconds before it disappears though. I listen for more aggro, hear none and grab the gun. It's a .45 caliber combat pistol. With no mags. Sadly, it takes me the better part of five minutes to figure out that's why I can't load it with some .45 ammo I'd found earlier. I trek up the stairs to the upper floors and find some camo cargo pants and a chest holster. Cool shit, now I've got a place to hold the pistol and some more pocket space. On the third floor I find more .45 ammo, a black tac vest (which doesn't stack over the holster, but holds a lot more. The decision to drop the holster was obvious.) and a tactical shirt. Another storage upgrade. On the top floor, I find a PASGT helmet and a gas mask. It's like a tactical department store.

I walk out of the fire station looking like a badass. Well, all but the 100-year-old rifle bit, anyway.

I sweep through the supermarket and find a few cans of beans and a can of soda to quench my ever-present hunger and thirst. I ate and drank everything I had on the way down here and I'm still hungry and thirsty. I need to find a few more refillable water bottles of I'm ever going to make it up to the NW airfield.

I clear out of the supermarket and head over to the other fire station. On the way I attract a bit of zeke action. I yakkety sax it around and through the fire station at top speed and manage to comfuse them enough that I have time to run up behind them and whack them all before they can figure out what happened. I ransack the second fire station and come out with a compass and some more color-matched gear. Deciding to get out while I'm ahead, I make a run for the hills north of town and then hang a left for Cherno and Balota. Might as well see what if anything's changed about those two.

Cherno, Cherno never changes. Except, it has. A lot. Cherno now has three satellite suburbs, the biggest of which is a cinderblock nightmare called Dubky. As I came in from the from the northeast, I had to stop and make sure I had proper foliage cover as the Northern approach of Dubky is literally a wall of high-rises. A thousand sniper nests, all potentially hiding some asshole bent on fucking up someone's day. There's an up and a down side to this new bit of Cherno, the obvious down side is that the approach is a nightmare. The up side is that once you're in, it's practically impossible to find you from the outside or even another nearby building. All in all, I can see this being the stuff of bad dreams for many a Bean Coast refugee.

Under the cover of darkness, I move in close to the high-rises, ransacked the supermarket at the foot of one of them and then continued east. The other two suburbs of Cherno were smaller replicas of Dubky, complete with shitty roundabouts and a couple of potentially deadly cul de sacs. Stick to game design, boys. Your urban planning is shit. But maybe that's the point. I could see a dozen different choke points and kill zones for the properly inclined.

I make it past the last of the suburbs and get to Balota. Like Cherno, this ain't your daddy's southern airbase. It's just as open as the old one, but larger and more varied. Including a few barracks. I run through axeing zeds as I go and making sure to make as little noise as possible. I get the easy stuff out of the way first, the buildings clustered closest together, the control tower, the hangars and the brig/admin buidling. In them, I find a butt stock for an M4, more 7.62 ammo and a scope and bayonet for the Mosin. The scope looks out of 1944, the bayonet looks like it's a century older than that. Weird.

I climb to the roof of the tower, my skin crawling for the few seconds I'm on the ladder and an obvious target. I make it all the way up and go prone. I break out the newly scoped Mosin and take aim on a zeke near the barracks. Boom, headshot. I roll away from my last spot and then watch for any movement from either zeds or survivors. No sign of either. Satisfied with my test, I get up to go back down the ladder. The little arrow comes up in my field of view, indicating that I can climb down so I start to do that.

And then the server glitches and suddenly I'm falling from the roof instead of climbing down the ladder.

You Have Died.

For fuck's sake.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
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Reply #98 on: January 14, 2014, 09:13:28 AM

The most dangerous thing in the new version seems to be the bugs.  why so serious?

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Reply #99 on: January 14, 2014, 09:14:33 AM

Stairs in particular are the most feared killer these days. It's impossible to reason with them.

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Reply #100 on: January 14, 2014, 10:18:45 AM

I have this, but I'm kinda waiting out the bad issues. Lack of respawn, zombies, and weapons have turned me off a bit. It's kinda boring just food and water hunting all the time. It seems like there are 3 guns, and they are very hard to get your hands on. I'll be back though, you can count on that!

Fun reading your stuff, as always Surly.

"I have more qualifications than Jesus and earn more than this whole board put together.  My ego is huge and my modesty non-existant." -Ironwood
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Reply #101 on: January 14, 2014, 12:22:09 PM

Yes, that's exactly how it is Slay. Let's face it: for one time they've been honest about calling it an alpha. It is not a beta and it won't be in beta for a year. It's hard not to want to play it but admittedly there's really very lilttle to do in the game now other than exploring and having weird interactions with other players. That's when you don't get killed by stairs or your character gets wiped for no reason upon relogging (happened to me twice so far). Rocket himself keeps telling people to NOT buy the game and try other things until there's more content. The more you wait, the more you are gonna like it when you pick it up.

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Reply #102 on: January 14, 2014, 01:23:36 PM

Handguns are relatively easy to score. Rifles are a bit like hen's teeth, but still gettable if you're persistent. There's a possibility there's a shotgun in game too.

Day 0:

After falling off the roof and trying to respawn multiple times and failing, I resigned myself to not getting my shit back and changed servers.

I duck into the first house I see and find a pen and paper, where I penned this missive...

Here I stand, brokenhearted.
Fell off a roof and then restarted.
Something
Something
Fuck your couch, Rocket.

Passive-aggressive? Fuck yes.

I then swim away from the little island I'd spawned on and make my way to Elektro and find an axe, another Mosin and a red hoodie in the first machine shed I check at the outskirts of town. Not a bad grab so fresh after washing up on shore. Maybe this won't suck as much.

Who am I kidding? It's DayZ, the suck is built in.

Anyway, I move deeper into town and find some more gear. Better pants, a tac vest and shirt, a magnum and another FNX45, this one with a red dot scope on it, tacti-cool. No bag though, so I've got to be really selective with what I keep. Instead of hoarding food and water, I eat and drink all I've got. I get a message saying my stomach is full after eating an entire bag of dry rice. Interesting. I run through a few other buildings, all in a fruitless search for a pack. I get tagged by a few zeds in the process, but none of them manage to bleed me for once. I decide to head a bit further north and hope I get lucky there.

I find nothing until I get all the way up to Nadezhdino. There, I find a blue taloon pack, some duct tape, a pair of handcuffs and a couple of canteens. It's a B&D party pack. Now I've got enough gear to complete my trip to the airfield. At least, I think I do.

I head out and notice I haven't had a hunger message in over an hour since I ate that bag of rice. I may have found the key. I refill my canteens before I leave Nadezhdino and kill a couple more zeds and then cut northwest. I get lost for a bit because the mechanic for using a compass now requires you to stop and check it, rather than having it persistently on display. I finally stumble my way to Pushtoshka and sneak into the back of the supermarket. There, I find a guy sneaking around with a Hoxton mask and a pipe wrench, probably on his way to the airfield too. The fact that he hasn't switched to the mosin slung on his back as soon as he sees me and starts moving in my direction, pipe raised tells me he's either out of ammo or worried about alerting zeds.

I have no such qualms about alerting the dead as I switch to the FNX45 and yell, "friendly. I won't shoot you if I don't have to."

He doesn't stop coming at me so I put four in him and he falls bleeding at my feet. Not before tagging me at least once with the wrench. Miraculously, I didn't kill him, just knocked him out. I mull ending him and then come up with a better idea.

I bandage him and then handcuff him I drop the keys in a nearby building. I take his bigger pack and some of his food and then I wake him up. I tell him the keys are somewhere in town or he'll eventually break out of them, whichever comes first. I also advise him to think before rushing someone in the future and then take my leave. He may survive if the zeds or another player don't get him. He probably won't take anything useful from the experience though. His loss.

I then spend the next two hours trying to find the airfield and missing it completely. I finally realize I'm way too far north and start a desperate run south and east as I've now run out of water and my body is telling me I REALLY need a drink. I set a goal for myself to find some water and a safe place to log out within the next 15 minutes.

With five minutes to spare, I see the familiar walls of the airfield. I run in and find a bunch of medical tents at the northwest corner, packed with M4 accessories and a couple of canteens. I manage to get my thirst mostly under control and proceed deeper into the field. I kill a few zeds along the way, managing to sneak behind them and stay out of most of their fields of vision, hatcheting them to keep my noise level to a minimum. Always looking over my shoulders and in every other direction for potential hostiles of the dead and alive varieties.

In the second of the two further hangars, I find an M4. I apply all the mods i've grabbed to it, including a Magpul hand guard and stock, an ACOG sight, a bipod and a bayonet. Still not sure how the bayonet works, but I'll figure it out. Now, if I can find a suppressor, I'm golden. I sweep through the rest of the field, swapping out gear as necessary, grabbing vitamins, antibiotics and alcohol tinctures. I take my leave of the airfield with a ton of food, three full canteens, two medkits, about 280 rounds of .556 for the M4 and another 60 for the .45. I'm loaded for bear.

Now to figure out what to do with all this shit.

Here I am, king of a pile of nothing.

« Last Edit: January 14, 2014, 01:26:24 PM by Surlyboi »

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
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Reply #103 on: January 14, 2014, 04:12:25 PM

That image would be really disturbing of you were only wearing a pair of tighty whiteys.

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Reply #104 on: January 14, 2014, 04:36:14 PM

If it weren't for the extra storage, I probably would. I'm sure the image would fuck with a lot of people.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
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