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f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  General Discussion  |  Serious Business  |  Topic: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow 0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.
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Author Topic: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow  (Read 407432 times)
Signe
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Muse.


Reply #525 on: January 27, 2010, 12:45:46 PM

Is it not okay just to use this service for simple dating and not for anything long lasting?  I don't know.  I was married before they existed I think. 

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
shiznitz
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the plural of mangina


Reply #526 on: January 27, 2010, 12:47:37 PM

You can use it for anything you want.  The people that are the most sincere and honest tend to get hurt the most, though, when they expect the same from random people.

I have never played WoW.
Arrrgh
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Reply #527 on: January 27, 2010, 03:35:57 PM

Did speed dating not catch on? That always sounded like a huge time saver. Or does it sound like Speed Rejection to the insecure so they shun it?



Tale
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Reply #528 on: January 28, 2010, 02:29:30 AM

Stumbled on this (no contact between us). Straight to the point, maybe suit some of the people above.

Quote
about me
I am looking for a man with a hot body...who is taller than me.

I am looking for a man who can mow lawns and chop wood, I would also prefer that he owned a ute, (late model if possible). In return I will make sure he gets well fed and his needs taken care of.

Any takers?

* ute (utility vehicle) is the Australian term for pickup truck
Engels
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inflicts shingles.


Reply #529 on: January 28, 2010, 07:29:14 AM

Straight to the point? Sounds like she wants to move to a new house and doesn't wanna pay for a Uhaul.

I should get back to nature, too.  You know, like going to a shop for groceries instead of the computer.  Maybe a condo in the woods that doesn't even have a health club or restaurant attached.  Buy a car with only two cup holders or something. -Signe

I LIKE being bounced around by Tonkors. - Lantyssa

Babies shooting themselves in the head is the state bird of West Virginia. - schild
Signe
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Muse.


Reply #530 on: January 28, 2010, 07:33:21 AM

It doesn't sound like that to me at all.  It sounds as if she wants a man to help at her house which is out in the sticks somewhere.  She probably him to give her babies, too.  Then they'll live like little house on the prairie people. 

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
HaemishM
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Reply #531 on: January 28, 2010, 08:18:03 AM

At what point am I being an asshole?

Could any of these women pick out your penis in a police lineup? And would they think they were the only one who could?

If the answer to either of these questions is no, you are not being an asshole yet.

Musashi
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Posts: 1692


Reply #532 on: January 28, 2010, 11:02:49 AM

Yea, as long as your honest about it, it's probably going to be a plus for you.

AKA Gyoza
Minvaren
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Reply #533 on: January 28, 2010, 03:00:54 PM

Did speed dating not catch on? That always sounded like a huge time saver.

Anecdote <> data.  That said, here's my anecdote.

- 2 out of 3 guys were in IT ("hard to get out to meet people").
- 1 out of 2 women were teachers ("hard to get out to meet people").
- 90+% of participants were drinking before and during the event.
- Conversations seemed cliched after the 3rd to 4th "date."
- No immediate rejection - a website was used after the event to pick "matches" - only mutual picks get contact info.

YMMV.


Tangentially, but still on-topic:  I once had lunch with a matchmaker, and picked her brain a bit with regards to online dating.  She mentioned (somewhat frustratedly) that 90% of females she'd interviewed who had used online dating would never initiate contact with a guy - no matter how much they liked him.   Head scratch

"There are many things of which a wise man might wish to remain ignorant." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
shiznitz
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Reply #534 on: January 28, 2010, 04:00:51 PM

Why do teachers have a hard time getting out? My kids' teachers work 8-4.

I have never played WoW.
Tale
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Reply #535 on: January 28, 2010, 04:02:46 PM

Tangentially, but still on-topic:  I once had lunch with a matchmaker, and picked her brain a bit with regards to online dating.  She mentioned (somewhat frustratedly) that 90% of females she'd interviewed who had used online dating would never initiate contact with a guy - no matter how much they liked him.   Head scratch

I don't know what's normal with online dating, but the site I used has an option to password your pictures. Most women have their photos passworded for privacy, which makes their profiles difficult to interpret. Appearance isn't everything, but it's impossible to respond to "I'm looking for a man who is honest and likes to have fun" if you can't see whether she looks honest or fun herself.

I didn't password my photos, so I get women initiating contact by giving me their photo password. I guess this kind of setup encourages women to be bolder.
Trippy
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Reply #536 on: January 28, 2010, 04:19:01 PM

Why do teachers have a hard time getting out? My kids' teachers work 8-4.
No, they don't (in general). US Public school teachers spend an average of 10 hours a week doing school-related work (e.g. grading papers) during non-school hours and average a total of 50 hours a week doing school stuff. 27% spend 55+ hours a week on school stuff*.

If your kids' teachers are working 35 hours a week that puts them in the bottom ~5% of public school teachers in terms of hours worked.

* stats from 2000 - 2001

http://www.nea.org/home/2233.htm
Musashi
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Reply #537 on: January 28, 2010, 04:38:59 PM

Yea, my mom pretty much worked from 6am till 6pm, and then came home and graded papers/worked on lesson plans.

For thirty years.

I am not a teacher.

AKA Gyoza
shiznitz
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the plural of mangina


Reply #538 on: January 28, 2010, 07:08:20 PM

Why do teachers have a hard time getting out? My kids' teachers work 8-4.
No, they don't (in general). US Public school teachers spend an average of 10 hours a week doing school-related work (e.g. grading papers) during non-school hours and average a total of 50 hours a week doing school stuff. 27% spend 55+ hours a week on school stuff*.

If your kids' teachers are working 35 hours a week that puts them in the bottom ~5% of public school teachers in terms of hours worked.

* stats from 2000 - 2001

http://www.nea.org/home/2233.htm


Well, crap. News to me.

I have never played WoW.
schild
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Reply #539 on: January 28, 2010, 10:32:55 PM

The answer is less papers and quizzes and other bullshit and better teaching. The best teachers I had in college had almost zero work on paper and actually TAUGHT you stuff. Same with high school, except English - obviously.
Samwise
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Reply #540 on: January 28, 2010, 11:32:50 PM

Why do teachers have a hard time getting out? My kids' teachers work 8-4.

When my mom was a teacher, she was working at least 10 hour days, plus the occasional weekend, and paying for school supplies out of her own pocket.  And she had to constantly put up with all kinds of shit from parents who thought she had an easy job.

After a few years of that, dealing with other lawyers seemed downright pleasant by comparison, and she went back to law.   why so serious?

"I have not actually recommended many games, and I'll go on the record here saying my track record is probably best in the industry." - schild
Tale
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Reply #541 on: January 29, 2010, 06:23:35 AM

Date #1 is already stressing me by being high-maintenance (we're also going somewhere more expensive than I suggested)

, was pretty but much fatter than her photos (she was smoking hot two years ago), enjoyed her free expensive night out, helpfully advised me on my perceived flaws as I paid, and can fuck off.

Meeting date #2 tomorrow in the cheap coffee shop she suggested. Meanwhile I'm emailing #5 and #6. Wishing #7 would reply.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2010, 06:38:07 AM by Tale »
Selby
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Reply #542 on: January 29, 2010, 06:27:34 AM

enjoyed her free expensive night out
Now that is funny.  More screening next time?
Tale
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Reply #543 on: January 29, 2010, 06:37:33 AM

enjoyed her free expensive night out
Now that is funny.  More screening next time?

No, I already figured her for that. Went ahead with it anyway. I enjoyed my expensive night out.
Murgos
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Reply #544 on: January 29, 2010, 07:07:59 AM

[...was pretty but much fatter than her photos

You will find that this is a common theme.  Not true of everyone, of course, but something that will re-occur pretty frequently.

"You have all recieved youre last warning. I am in the process of currently tracking all of youre ips and pinging your home adressess. you should not have commencemed a war with me" - Aaron Rayburn
Murgos
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Reply #545 on: January 29, 2010, 07:10:44 AM

The answer is less papers and quizzes and other bullshit and better teaching. The best teachers I had in college had almost zero work on paper and actually TAUGHT you stuff. Same with high school, except English - obviously.

My girlfriend being a teacher I will go out on a limb and say that the number of tests that they are required to give these days is a serious detriment to the depth and quality learning that can be attempted.

Not to derail this into politics but "No Child Left Behind" is probably doing more to undermine education that any other active policy.

"You have all recieved youre last warning. I am in the process of currently tracking all of youre ips and pinging your home adressess. you should not have commencemed a war with me" - Aaron Rayburn
Draegan
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Reply #546 on: January 29, 2010, 07:22:40 AM

Yeah, you have to give out quizes and all the other bullshit.  There is a certain amount of shit you need provide.  My girl is an 8th grade English teacher and she's got a bunch of shit she needs to get done.  She leaves the house at 6am everyday gets to work 1-1.5 hours early to do grading.  Gets home at 3:30 everyday and does more if needed and she's constantly grading shit during the day.

The she directs the school plays etc.

She absolutely hates "No Child Left Behind" because it's all bullshit.
Minvaren
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Reply #547 on: January 29, 2010, 08:30:40 AM


I don't know what's normal with online dating, but the site I used has an option to password your pictures. Most women have their photos passworded for privacy, which makes their profiles difficult to interpret. Appearance isn't everything, but it's impossible to respond to "I'm looking for a man who is honest and likes to have fun" if you can't see whether she looks honest or fun herself.

I didn't password my photos, so I get women initiating contact by giving me their photo password. I guess this kind of setup encourages women to be bolder.

My experience is that women rarely initiate when "send a freeform message" is the only option.  Subtle things, like the photo thing your site does (new to me) or "winks/nudges" will get them initiating a bit more.  And I agree with you that the lack of a photo makes it difficult to size someone up.

"There are many things of which a wise man might wish to remain ignorant." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Murgos
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Reply #548 on: January 29, 2010, 08:32:58 AM

At the moment I know about 6 women who go in and out of the internet dating pool.  There is 1 of them that will initiate contact.

"You have all recieved youre last warning. I am in the process of currently tracking all of youre ips and pinging your home adressess. you should not have commencemed a war with me" - Aaron Rayburn
shiznitz
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the plural of mangina


Reply #549 on: January 29, 2010, 09:48:57 AM

I think it is age-related too, and/or regional. I went on match.com in my early 30s in NYC and the women on that site seemed perfectly willing to initiate. I also had the famous photo-from-a-few-years-ago issue. In her pic she was a little bit overweight and tan. In person, well over 300lbs (and almost 6' 5") and pasty as a programmer. She was nice, though, and we had two dates.

Tale, you should also not get impatient with #7 and certainly don't spam her. When I first contacted the match.com woman that would eventually become my wife, she responded with interest and then I didn't hear from her again for 6 weeks. Why not? She had just joined the service recently (like me) and was dating. She just had to get around to me.

I have never played WoW.
LK
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Reply #550 on: January 29, 2010, 04:06:28 PM

Why do people date.

"Then there's the double-barreled shotgun from Doom 2 - no-one within your entire household could be of any doubt that it's been fired because it sounds like God slamming a door on his fingers." - Yahtzee Croshaw
Signe
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Muse.


Reply #551 on: January 29, 2010, 04:15:36 PM

Why do people date.

Is that a question or is there more to come?

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
LK
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Reply #552 on: January 29, 2010, 04:17:55 PM

Lack of question mark for emphasis on detachment.

"Then there's the double-barreled shotgun from Doom 2 - no-one within your entire household could be of any doubt that it's been fired because it sounds like God slamming a door on his fingers." - Yahtzee Croshaw
Selby
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Reply #553 on: January 29, 2010, 05:17:29 PM

Why do people date.
I don't date because meeting people willing to put up with my shit is a lot of trouble.  Date 2 people in 20 years?  That's doing it right!  Unless they pursue me, it's not going to happen.
Samwise
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Reply #554 on: January 29, 2010, 05:19:27 PM

Lack of question mark for emphasis on detachment.

You're so deep.  Not at all like someone affecting sperginess.

"I have not actually recommended many games, and I'll go on the record here saying my track record is probably best in the industry." - schild
Rasix
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Reply #555 on: January 29, 2010, 05:26:26 PM

Awesome, it's back to the "sad fuckers" thread.

-Rasix
Signe
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Muse.


Reply #556 on: January 29, 2010, 05:46:10 PM

What is sperginess?

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CmdrSlack
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Reply #557 on: January 29, 2010, 05:49:03 PM

Tale, as far as being a douche is concerned, it's only douchey if you're actively lying and stringing people along. I did a bunch of internet dating crap during my last year of law school, and 99% of my dates were in the "job interview" category. Some panned out to second dates, etc., but most were false starts. Perhaps it's different in Australia, but in the US, you also have to go to the paid access sites to get some decent escort/porn filtering.

I ended up meeting my wife on eHarmony.

For the most part, I got decent but "meh" matches. That service operates a bit differently from the others I used. They do a staged communication process that can only be circumvented by mutual consent. IIRC, you literally start out with multiple choice quizzes, then short-answer questions, then internal email, and then you go from there. Users can choose at which stage they want to reveal their photo to you. In my experience, the ones who wouldn't let you see their photo until you were at the internal email stage were generally hiding their looks for a reason.

I also had some really odd dates. I'm 6' even. I was once paired with a girl who was 5' even. I felt like friggin' Gulliver.

It doesn't filter for political views too well. I speak a small, largely useless amount of Arabic thanks to some of my friends. One girl was all tweaked out that I knew any of it, and actually asked me if I knew any terrorists. Granted, this IS the US, so you'll have that.

The best date I had was the night after the first half of the bar exam. I had to be back at 8 AM for the 200-question multiple choice bits. We were hanging out together until at least 2 AM. I passed. We ended up getting married, etc. The key to that was, apparently, random luck. We had both had lackluster experiences dating via eHarmony. We had both recently canceled our accounts and were riding out the remaining month of access.

So yeah, go out, meet some people, it may or may not come to you. Know what your goals are and make them clear.




I traded in my fun blog for several legal blogs. Or, "blawgs," as the cutesy attorney blawgosphere likes to call 'em.
LK
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Reply #558 on: January 29, 2010, 05:51:55 PM

Awesome, it's back to the "sad fuckers" thread.

We never left. If you're doing Internet dating, you're a sad fucker.

"Then there's the double-barreled shotgun from Doom 2 - no-one within your entire household could be of any doubt that it's been fired because it sounds like God slamming a door on his fingers." - Yahtzee Croshaw
schild
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Reply #559 on: January 29, 2010, 05:57:30 PM

Awesome, it's back to the "sad fuckers" thread.
We never left. If you're doing Internet dating, you're a sad fucker.
It's not enough of an outlier these days to be a blank situation like that anymore.
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