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Title: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on November 25, 2009, 05:45:12 PM
I'm pretty sure someone posted another okcupid blog a while back but I couldn't find it with search, so:

Your Looks and Your Inbox (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/11/17/your-looks-and-online-dating/)

It's a writeup about the differences between how men and women rate each other online (at least on okcupid), and who they actually send messages to.   Nothing groundbreaking, but I thought it was interesting how men seemed to be less judgemental on overall looks while still (mostly) only sending messages to the highest rated women, while women rated most men's looks as below average but still sent them messages anyway.

The comments range from well thought out to deeply, deeply bitter. :heartbreak:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on November 25, 2009, 07:02:17 PM
I find these statistics, thought mostly useless, oddly compelling.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MahrinSkel on November 25, 2009, 10:11:26 PM
Saw something similar to this, although it was done from outside the service so they didn't have as much data, it involved photoshopping the pics to either reduce or enhance asymmetry, the more symmetric versions got ridiculously higher response rates than the un-shopped pictures, which did significantly better than the ones where the assymetry was slightly enhanced.

So, now you know: When setting up online profiles, it's not about lighting, filters, or pictures taken 15 years ago.  Just move your facial features around until your face is symmetrical and matches the Golden Ratio, and you're good.  Best part is that your victims won't be able to explain why you don't quite look like your photo, if they even notice (if they look at it enough before actually seeing your real face, they may mentally filter out the discrepancies, especially if the first few face-to-face meetings involve poor lighting).

--Dave


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on November 26, 2009, 08:11:43 AM
Black passports work too, or so I am told.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on November 26, 2009, 11:43:45 PM
I met the woman I love on OKCupid.  Not sure how that correlates to this thread though.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: K9 on November 27, 2009, 01:07:14 PM
Saw something similar to this, although it was done from outside the service so they didn't have as much data, it involved photoshopping the pics to either reduce or enhance asymmetry, the more symmetric versions got ridiculously higher response rates than the un-shopped pictures, which did significantly better than the ones where the assymetry was slightly enhanced.

So, now you know: When setting up online profiles, it's not about lighting, filters, or pictures taken 15 years ago.  Just move your facial features around until your face is symmetrical and matches the Golden Ratio, and you're good.  Best part is that your victims won't be able to explain why you don't quite look like your photo, if they even notice (if they look at it enough before actually seeing your real face, they may mentally filter out the discrepancies, especially if the first few face-to-face meetings involve poor lighting).

--Dave

As I recall the most attractive faces were the ones that closest approximated symmetry without actually reaching it. Truly symmetrical faces fall into uncanny valley.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Slyfeind on November 27, 2009, 01:21:18 PM
I love the replies. Apparently everybody rates people on personality, and everybody else is shallow for implying otherwise. Awesome!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on November 27, 2009, 01:58:30 PM
I rate people on looks, I admit.. But then I filter personalities afterwards. ;) I figure that's the norm, but I'll just speak for myself.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lac on November 27, 2009, 02:24:52 PM
Hah, political correct mating my ass.
As a leftist youth I left the ideals of a consumption crazed society behind me and shagged many a fine mind.
I mounted the quivering heap, I braved bushes Bear Grylls wouldn't survive and I lived through encounters with amorphic beings who's expressions contorted into shapes only described in the realm of bad science fiction.
I lived it, survived it and wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
Shag a hottie. And if you can't, for the love of god, just have a wank.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on November 27, 2009, 02:59:52 PM
That's quite the beautiful tribute to ugly chicks.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MahrinSkel on November 27, 2009, 06:35:27 PM
As I recall the most attractive faces were the ones that closest approximated symmetry without actually reaching it. Truly symmetrical faces fall into uncanny valley.
Which is why "Beauty Mark" moles were such a critical piece of the sex appeal of Marilyn Monroe, Liz Taylor, Cindy Crawford, and Halle Berry: It gave their otherwise mathematically perfect faces that hint of asymmetry that suggested they were actually attainable.

--Dave


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on November 28, 2009, 12:25:46 AM
As I recall the most attractive faces were the ones that closest approximated symmetry without actually reaching it. Truly symmetrical faces fall into uncanny valley.
Which is why "Beauty Mark" moles were such a critical piece of the sex appeal of Marilyn Monroe, Liz Taylor, Cindy Crawford, and Halle Berry: It gave their otherwise mathematically perfect faces that hint of asymmetry that suggested they were actually attainable.

--Dave

Don't forget Lemmy!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on November 28, 2009, 04:17:41 PM
Don't forget Lemmy!

Sheer brilliance, Signe.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on December 01, 2009, 04:28:07 AM
okay, I laughed out loud at that one!



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Triforcer on December 01, 2009, 11:07:15 AM
What does Bowser's son have to do with this?  His world was shitty anyway. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: sigil on December 12, 2009, 02:42:04 PM
I met the woman I love on OKCupid.  Not sure how that correlates to this thread though.

It means you were god damned lucky.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stark on December 14, 2009, 12:19:08 PM
I met my wife on OkCupid, I guess I'm God damned lucky too.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on December 14, 2009, 10:58:09 PM
Lucky is when that marriage results in a life time of happiness. Not finding a random person to marry on the interweb.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Grimwell on December 15, 2009, 03:17:06 AM
Oh gryeyes, aren't you all cynical and jaded.

These days, people should be happy if they find someone who is worth a good six months. Most folks self obsessed, cocksure, and jackasses on the internet.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on December 15, 2009, 08:47:08 AM
Oh gryeyes, aren't you all cynical and jaded.

These days, people should be happy if they find someone who is worth a good six months. Most folks [are] self obsessed, cocksure, and jackasses on the internet.
FIFY


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Grimwell on December 15, 2009, 11:56:08 AM
Proof that quality mods can be found on the Internet. :)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on December 15, 2009, 12:10:39 PM
I'd settle for six weeks or six days at this point.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on December 15, 2009, 12:34:39 PM
Anyone able to find a significant other that they are happy with beyond the first few months (aka Honeymoon period) is  fortunate.  It doesn't matter where or how you met them.  I see some merit to online dating, personally.  As we keep closing ourselves off with technology, we're finding fewer and fewer social venues to meet like-minded individuals.  I had a friend once tell me to try online dating saying that I would never meet someone between my office and my lab.  Ok, noone that I wouldn't risk losing my job for!  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on December 15, 2009, 02:15:47 PM
I met my wife at school.  We started going out when I was at university.  We've been going out, engaged then married for a total of 19 years now and we've been happy throughout.  So there is hope :)

It helps that she is phenomenally patient.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on December 15, 2009, 02:17:53 PM
I know rather a lot of people who met via online dating and are doing really well together. Anecdotally, it appears to me to work better than regular dating for finding viable long term relationships.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on December 15, 2009, 02:23:54 PM
I know rather a lot of people who met via online dating and are doing really well together. Anecdotally, it appears to me to work better than regular dating for finding viable long term relationships.

How to put this without seeming cruel?

If you're at the stage of advertising for love on the web you're perhaps more likely to be aware that you can't go throwing it away on a whim.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: dusematic on December 15, 2009, 02:36:05 PM
I know rather a lot of people who met via online dating and are doing really well together. Anecdotally, it appears to me to work better than regular dating for finding viable long term relationships.

How to put this without seeming cruel?

If you're at the stage of advertising for love on the web you're perhaps more likely to be aware that you can't go throwing it away on a whim.


I disagree.  It's just an exercise in efficiency, especially if you're relatively busy.  You can scan hundreds of people in minutes, and then approach the one's you find interesting.  Dating is just a numbers game, and going out to bars to meet someone can be fun, but is otherwise like digging trenches with a trowel versus an excavator.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on December 15, 2009, 02:40:31 PM
It also allows people to meet others outside of their normal social circles.  I tend to think of online dating as a really large cocktail party that you wouldn't otherwise attend. 

To be honest, I think that women have a lot more reason to be apprehensive about this than men.  Guys are predatory and prone to lying about their intentions and marital status. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on December 15, 2009, 04:21:27 PM
I don't know about dating services, per se, however I have seen plenty of people who were friends online and started dating later.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on December 15, 2009, 04:41:52 PM
I know rather a lot of people who met via online dating and are doing really well together. Anecdotally, it appears to me to work better than regular dating for finding viable long term relationships.

How to put this without seeming cruel?

If you're at the stage of advertising for love on the web you're perhaps more likely to be aware that you can't go throwing it away on a whim.

Well, it wouldn't be cruel to me, as that's not how my relationship started (see Lantyssa's comment instead). Are you saying people are pickier/more careful when they're desperate (assuming that's what you left out in order to avoid cruelty)? I'm not sure that makes sense.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: tazelbain on December 15, 2009, 04:53:59 PM
Ugly people try harder to make a relationship work?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on December 15, 2009, 05:08:23 PM
Ugly people try harder to make a relationship work?

Hmmm, I wonder. I'm not sure there's a correlation between "ugly" and "likely to use dating service", though. Again, sample size small enough to certainly be irrelevant, but the people I know who've used them (or I should say, the ones who've admitted to it anyway) are generally from the normal-to-good-looking end of the spectrum.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on December 15, 2009, 05:18:40 PM
I didn't mean ugly as such.  Just that people who have found that they're not natural at conventional means of procuring a partner might not be quite so quick to lose their temper and break up over stupid/little shit.  Maybe because of a lack of self-confidence, maybe because of old-fashioned humility, maybe through not having their excitement about a relationship dulled by repetition, I dunno...

And sometimes, yeah, what tazelbain said.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on December 15, 2009, 05:24:01 PM
I'm not sure there's a correlation between "ugly" and "likely to use dating service", though.
I'm ugly and I never used a dating service ;-)

I have no idea how to trust anyone for internet dating.  I wouldn't even know how to trust dating in the real world!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on December 15, 2009, 05:35:07 PM
It also allows people to meet others outside of their normal social circles.  I tend to think of online dating as a really large cocktail party that you wouldn't otherwise attend. 

This has always been the advantage I've seen.   I wouldn't want to marry anyone I went to school with, or those in firms I've worked for.  Women architects.. no thx. 

Online game players? Nah, I'm trying to kick the habit, not reinforce the bad habits/ lifestyle it produces.

Other than that it's down to picking up random strangers in bars and shopping venues, based primarily on looks and finding out later how shallow, vapid, uninteresting or uninvolved in things you like they are.  That or trusting friends to hook you up with who THEY think you'll get along with.

I don't know what kind of x-mas gifts you all have gotten from friends, but the choices I've seen all lead me to believe that it'd be a bad end there.

Whereas online dating, you've filled out surveys, appraised yourself, mentioned your interests and are match with a variety who are similar in persona and interests.  Only seems to have upsides to me.

But then, based on prior conversations here I wouldn't have stuck around two weeks in relationships with most of y'all's S.O.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: sigil on December 15, 2009, 05:46:58 PM
it falls  prey to people who intentionally deceive.

You get a couple of those in a row and it will make you question the process.

Upon reflection I think my issues are more with my selection choices. I tend to gravitate towards those with psychological issues. I've stopped looking while I reassess things.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on December 15, 2009, 05:56:38 PM
If you're actively looking there will be problems regardless of where you search.

Finding the right person is about both luck and meeting enough people that you cross paths with and being in circumstances which allow you to realize it could work.  For some it works out quickly, for others not so much.  If you're not interacting with anyone then chances are pretty slim.  If that is the case, then I see internet dating sites as good a way as any.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on December 15, 2009, 06:06:47 PM
Upon reflection I think my issues are more with my selection choices. I tend to gravitate towards those with psychological issues. I've stopped looking while I reassess things.

I had this problem for a long time, myself.  Yay for falling prey to White Knight/ Prince Charming syndrome.

You can't save people from themselves, don't try.  It'll only cause you heartache, headache and financial destitution.  Walk away as soon as you realize they're broken, don't make excuses for them. You can only save one person in this world, yourself.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on December 15, 2009, 08:11:01 PM
All my major relationships started as friendships and then evolved, and they butted right up against each other, so I have no personal experience with the whole dating-as-a-grown-up thing. But we do have a fair amount of friends who did the internet dating site thing, and even the relationships that didn't ultimately work out, the people involved were all nice, normal people. It's looking without having to be ZOMG LOOKING all the time, and you theoretically know more about the person at a glance than you would out in the real world, so you can shuffle through people you know without a doubt you wouldn't work out with. You have to assume most people are on there in good faith, of course, but if you aren't willing to do that, you probably aren't using this service to find dates. :P


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on December 15, 2009, 08:24:12 PM
The main thing I've gotten from this thread is that Draegan and Stark have black passports.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: sigil on December 15, 2009, 09:43:10 PM
Upon reflection I think my issues are more with my selection choices. I tend to gravitate towards those with psychological issues. I've stopped looking while I reassess things.

I had this problem for a long time, myself.  Yay for falling prey to White Knight/ Prince Charming syndrome.

You can't save people from themselves, don't try.  It'll only cause you heartache, headache and financial destitution.  Walk away as soon as you realize they're broken, don't make excuses for them. You can only save one person in this world, yourself.

I learned this one some time ago. Now i gravitate to the creative madness of bi-polars. Well, I did. Now I'm a bit preoccupied, so it's a perfect time to just let that sort of thing go and not worry about it.


I'll agree that getting out is better, but  when compared to a club or similar environment, I'll stick with an internet environment. I usually have no problems  with conversations, but there's something about that whole scene that's just unappealing, personally.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on December 15, 2009, 09:49:20 PM
I've never in my life met someone worth knowing in a club.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: sigil on December 15, 2009, 09:59:23 PM
I've never in my life met someone worth knowing in a club.

Ah yes, that would be it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Teleku on December 15, 2009, 10:17:31 PM
I absolutely loathe clubs.  Only ever go to bars.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on December 16, 2009, 03:37:23 AM
Clearly "extremely good sex" is not a useful indicator of "worth knowing" in your world.

Also I met my best friend in a club.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on December 16, 2009, 06:34:51 AM
Clearly "extremely good sex" is not a useful indicator of "worth knowing" in your world.

Also I met my best friend in a club.

There is a reason why people call you "Dirty Euro Endie".


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on December 16, 2009, 11:39:00 AM
Top 40 clubs are universally shitty but some of the more niche ones are great places to meet people. Most bars don't have room for dancing which is a great ice breaker.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on December 16, 2009, 12:42:13 PM
I've never met someone at a club primarily because I get really, really annoyed at trying to hold conversations that mostly consist of, "What did you say?" "Huh?" "What?" I don't know if I've got shitty hearing but I can never make out what people are saying. Pubs I can do but way too many of those now also think people would rather listen to really loud music than talk and generally dating prospects in places that don't have loud music are pretty sparse.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Teleku on December 16, 2009, 01:57:52 PM
Yeah, exactly.  I hate them primarily because you can't hold a fucking conversation with a group of people.  Best you can do is find one person and yell into their ear.  Then again, I also just hate dancing in general, so there's that  :oh_i_see:.

I just like to drink, talk with lots of people, and play drunken bar games with them.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on December 16, 2009, 02:16:33 PM
Get over your inhibitions about dancing. Saying you hate dancing is like saying you hate laughter and music. Dancing is one of the easiest ways to demonstrate your value.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on December 16, 2009, 02:21:36 PM
Top 40 clubs are universally shitty but some of the more niche ones are great places to meet people.

Entirely true.  Going to a goth club if you're a goth or an alt-metal club if you're into alt-metal is, after all, giving you a leg up in meeting people who are, on at least one level, a bit like yourself.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on December 16, 2009, 07:13:35 PM
The main thing I've gotten from this thread is that Draegan and Stark have black passports.

This makes me lol.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on December 16, 2009, 07:24:45 PM
I've never met someone at a club primarily because I get really, really annoyed at trying to hold conversations that mostly consist of, "What did you say?" "Huh?" "What?" I don't know if I've got shitty hearing but I can never make out what people are saying.

I had this problem too in my clubbing days. I have since figured that I have some kind of auditory deficiency in the ability to filter out background noise from 'present' noise. I also don't really like large gatherings of people, say at a party or something. I can't keep track of a conversation when I have 4 other ones going on around me.

So, ya, I went to a ton of clubs. I don't think I ever hooked up with anyone, because even the sluttiest of girls require you to not look like a stunned codger with an ear trumpet.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on December 16, 2009, 09:22:47 PM
Why do I come here?  Everyone is deaf, drunk or retarded!  (http://cdn.sheknows.com/graphics/emoticons/waiting.gif)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on December 16, 2009, 11:03:43 PM
So, ya, I went to a ton of clubs. I don't think I ever hooked up with anyone, because even the sluttiest of girls require you to not look like a stunned codger with an ear trumpet.

I think I've got that same problem but this sentence here is not necessarily a barrier provided you skip the talking part.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on December 17, 2009, 12:06:45 AM
I had this problem too in my clubbing days. I have since figured that I have some kind of auditory deficiency in the ability to filter out background noise from 'present' noise. I also don't really like large gatherings of people, say at a party or something. I can't keep track of a conversation when I have 4 other ones going on around me.
This is one of the reasons I avoid any gathering of people.  It gets very disorienting not being able to make out anything.  I've considered seeing if there's a hearing aid which can help with it, but I'm not yet ready to admit I need one.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on December 17, 2009, 01:23:38 AM
Get over your inhibitions about dancing. Saying you hate dancing is like saying you hate laughter and music. Dancing is one of the easiest ways to demonstrate your value.  :awesome_for_real:

I prefer to let a jumbo condom fall out of my wallet.  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on December 17, 2009, 03:19:29 AM
One trick to help with being heard in clubs is to speak a tiny bit slower than normal, in a slightly lower tone and at a fairly normal volume but very close to the girl's ear and with a hand shielding her ear from the music.  She doesn't have the pain of you shouting in her ear, you sound calmer and more assertive.  I think it might be more effective to speak in a higher tone in such situations, but who wants someone squeaking in their ear?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on December 17, 2009, 09:16:51 AM
Engels, space bar floozy.

/whispers heyyyyyy, want to see my titan class spaceship?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on December 17, 2009, 09:20:03 AM
Engels, space bar floozy.

/whispers heyyyyyy, want to see my titan class spaceship?

I think that burn was meant for me?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on December 17, 2009, 09:22:01 AM
I do not romance anyone with a space bar. I use all the keys equally.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on December 17, 2009, 11:12:38 AM
That's the second time so it must be official.  Endie is Engels.  (it might be the other way around)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Johny Cee on December 17, 2009, 11:33:25 AM
Get over your inhibitions about dancing. Saying you hate dancing is like saying you hate laughter and music. Dancing is one of the easiest ways to demonstrate your value.  :awesome_for_real:

I prefer to let a jumbo condom fall out of my wallet.  :grin:

So you use the FRANK system?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on December 17, 2009, 12:51:11 PM
Engels, space bar floozy.

/whispers heyyyyyy, want to see my titan class spaceship?

I think that burn was meant for me?
Well, yea, wrote the wrong name. Whoops. Blame the time of post.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on December 17, 2009, 03:32:34 PM
Engels, space bar floozy.

/whispers heyyyyyy, want to see my titan class spaceship?

I think that burn was meant for me?
Well, yea, wrote the wrong name. Whoops. Blame the time of post.

I tend to assume that you never sleep.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: tazelbain on December 17, 2009, 03:44:53 PM
Exploiting Facebook is a 24/7 job.   :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on December 18, 2009, 09:22:53 AM
I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with online dating, you're mistakes are prone to be more drawn out (as in you meet someone on a site, call them, set up a date, wait for it then you find out it was a waste of time, whereas in real life you know immediately when you meet someone.)  Someone said it; technology is shrinking our world so online social sites are becoming more the norm for meeting people.  I meet, or hear about, very normal people meeting online and creating a relationship.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on December 19, 2009, 02:09:49 AM
I meet, or hear about, very normal people meeting online and creating a relationship.

It's largely irrelevant. Online is just the same as real life:

Girls are still shallow and say stupid shit.
Guys are still egotistical and say stupid shit.
Fat guys bat out of their league and claim online dating doesn't work.
Fat girls say they have personality and don't think there are any "nice guys" left.
The skinny and stupid of both sexes try (in vain) to sound intelligent.
Meanwhile, everyone's standards go up except those at rock bottom.
Bonus: Everyone says their sarcastic.

That word, it does not mean what these people think it means.

Edited for Clarity: When the out of the norm becomes the norm it tends to follow the typical laws of society. That being, people don't change - they just get dumber.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on December 19, 2009, 08:48:29 AM
Technically because it's all being written, no-one on-line is ever sarcastic they're being ironic. Calling it sarcasm is one of those little things that annoys me but then if we called it the right thing we wouldn't have the sarchasm so swings and roundabouts.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stark on January 04, 2010, 04:16:14 PM
I don't get the Black Passport reference.

One of the reasons I liked online dating was that it got rid of the deal-breaker questions, right away:

Do you want kids?
What religion are you and how religious are you?
Do you have pets?
Do you smoke?
How much money do you Make?

Some of these are questions that are not supposed to be brought up according to dating etiquette.  Conventional wisdom says you are not supposed to bring up child-rearing until the relationship has been going for months.  WTF?  I have a friend that was in a 10 year relationship that he had to break out of because he wanted kids and she didn't.

On most dating sites that information is in the summary.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on January 04, 2010, 09:56:39 PM
I believe someone is confusing you and I.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 06, 2010, 11:31:58 AM
One of the reasons I liked online dating was that it got rid of the deal-breaker questions, right away:

Do you want kids?
What religion are you and how religious are you?
Do you have pets?
Do you smoke?
How much money do you Make?

Some of these are questions that are not supposed to be brought up according to dating etiquette.  Conventional wisdom says you are not supposed to bring up child-rearing until the relationship has been going for months.  WTF?  I have a friend that was in a 10 year relationship that he had to break out of because he wanted kids and she didn't.

On most dating sites that information is in the summary.

Agreed. Online dating makes it easier to separate those who want relationships from those just playing around. That distinction is much harder to make when you meet someone in a casual setting. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 06, 2010, 12:44:10 PM
One of the reasons I liked online dating was that it got rid of the deal-breaker questions, right away:

Do you want kids?
What religion are you and how religious are you?
Do you have pets?
Do you smoke?
How much money do you Make?

Some of these are questions that are not supposed to be brought up according to dating etiquette.  Conventional wisdom says you are not supposed to bring up child-rearing until the relationship has been going for months.  WTF?  I have a friend that was in a 10 year relationship that he had to break out of because he wanted kids and she didn't.

On most dating sites that information is in the summary.

Seems to me that if you're looking for a quality match, you'd be more open-minded to the answers to those questions to begin with.  Often, the best women I've ever met had a "deal breaker" and I would have missed my relationship with them had I let it actually be a "deal breaker". 

The only deal breakers for me are questions of morals and ethics and few, if any will be honest about those on teh interweb. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 06, 2010, 12:48:21 PM
There's a fallacy in your logic, Nebu. I don't think you can really stretch the definition of deal-breaker. It means one thing, going the wrong direction means the deal is off. Being open-minded makes them something other than deal-breakers.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 06, 2010, 12:50:04 PM
There's a fallacy in your logic, Nebu. I don't think you can really stretch the definition of deal-breaker. It means one thing, going the wrong direction means the deal is off. Being open-minded makes them something other than deal-breakers.

I'm just suggesting that not dating a woman because she has a kid (or some other superficial reason) is a fundamentally flawed decision.  Then again, most relationships are doomed to failure to begin with.  May as well just end them before they even start... AMIRITE?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 06, 2010, 12:52:59 PM
Quote
I'm just suggesting that not dating a woman because she has a kid (or some other superficial reason) is a fundamentally flawed decision.

There's absolutely NOTHING superficial about having a kid nor is it fundamentally flawed. It is in fact one of the most major things someone who doesn't have a kid looks at in a potential mate, and you know it. It's probably - outside of a raging case of AIDS - the most important decision one makes before jumping into that shit because mothers are a different breed from "women."

Quote
May as well just end them before they even start... AMIRITE?

Don't dodge the point.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 06, 2010, 01:01:29 PM
There's absolutely NOTHING superficial about having a kid nor is it fundamentally flawed. It is in fact one of the most major things someone who doesn't have a kid looks at in a potential mate, and you know it. It's probably - outside of a raging case of AIDS - the most important decision one makes before jumping into that shit because mothers are a different breed from "women."

Don't dodge the point.

Not dodging the point.  We differ in opinion.  If someone is genuinely interested in a mate for life, then they're interested in the woman herself.  The child will be mostly out of the picture in a matter of years.  It's hard enough to find someone worth sharing a lifetime with.  I'm not going to throw a potential mate out just because she may have a child.   You see it differently... it's your right and your life.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 06, 2010, 01:04:13 PM
The child will be mostly out of the picture in a matter of years.

...what?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 06, 2010, 01:05:49 PM
Yea, I chortled a bit at that too.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 06, 2010, 01:06:48 PM
The child will be mostly out of the picture in a matter of years.

...what?


Children become adults.  They move on and have their own lives.  

You know what I meant.   


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 06, 2010, 01:35:02 PM
The problem phrase was "a matter of years."

More like, a quarter of your adult life, minimum.

I find it strange you're arguing the definition of a deal-breaker. It's not like there's gray area in the word. Everyone has different deal-breakers, and most of the stuff above for MOST people falls under that category.

ESPECIALLY kids.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Grimwell on January 06, 2010, 01:42:39 PM
Children become adults.  They move on and have their own lives.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

No, really...

Do you have kids? Current readings point to "no"


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on January 06, 2010, 01:44:13 PM
Nebu, being older than a lot of us, has a different perspective on this, I think.

I'm coming at it from a early 30s point of view, where "kids" means more than a decade, maybe two, before they are out of the house. Nebu's a bit older, so it might only be a matter of years for him.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 06, 2010, 01:45:39 PM
Someone failed Leykis 101.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 06, 2010, 01:53:32 PM
My point is that it's damn near impossible to find a quality, compatible mate for life.  Ruling people out because they have children reduces an already infinitesimally small pool.  If you have the good fortune of finding someone that meets whatever criteria you set as limiters, you've beaten the odds.  Good for you.  I choose to keep as many of my options open as possible.  Being single and in my mid-40's, the women I meet with no children are usually childless for a reason, though I have met a few rare exceptions (like some women I've dated in their 20's.  :grin: )

As an aside, dating women with grown children is VERY different from dating a woman with a toddler.  Still, I'd consider both if they were someone that didn't make me crazy after a week.  


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 06, 2010, 02:10:36 PM
Ironically, a woman wanting a quality, compatible mate for life just hit one of my deal-breakers.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 06, 2010, 03:50:12 PM
While I agree that dating someone with a grown child is vastly different from dating someone with a wee tot, acting like the kids have nothing whatever to do with the mother (or father) being a good match is completely crazy. YOU don't mind if kids are in the picture. That's cool. But they will be in the picture forever. If it's a young child, you have to be OK with raising it and being The Step Parent. And it's also totally ignoring how the kids feel about it, something the parent won't just say, "Oh well, they'll be out of the house in a few years."

Kids aren't like dogs or something, jeez.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: dusematic on January 06, 2010, 04:06:54 PM
This is the gayest argument of all time you fucks.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on January 06, 2010, 04:13:48 PM
How is an argument about breeding gay, exactly?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 06, 2010, 04:15:18 PM
How is an argument about breeding gay, exactly?

Beat me to it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 06, 2010, 04:18:30 PM
Ironically, a woman wanting a quality, compatible mate for life just hit one of my deal-breakers.

You should have taken me up on my offer of an introduction to my cousin, then.  You'd be divorced, bitter and mostly likely still (s)(child)(less).

Sorry, I didn't know what to do with that word.  It was freaking me out.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 06, 2010, 04:58:39 PM
Kids aren't like dogs or something, jeez.

Between that and being told that I'm on crack, this is a good day. 

You all understand that having a child or not tells you nothing about the compatibility of the woman.  The child is a qualifier of the situation.  What I'm saying here is that tossing a woman aside because of a child would mean you didn't like the situation, not that you didn't like the woman.  As I said above, that's a personal choice.  You're just limiting your pool of women by removing any that have kids.   

I'm also coming to realize that there aren't many people here with adult children.  When your child leaves the house it makes for a profound change in the day-to-day dynamics in a relationship.  It's not that the child has vanished or something equally ridiculous.  It's just my way of saying that the effect of the child on your lifestyle changes pretty noticeably.  Ok, that's if the child is making it through life relatively independently.   


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 06, 2010, 05:03:49 PM
I think this whole 'discussion' could have been avoided (or at least would have gone differently) if you didn't use the word superficial. The decision whether or not to have a child or be involved in a situation where you are going to be a parent-like figure is about the single least superficial possible consideration I can think of involved in a relationship.

EDIT: And you simply can't have a relationship with someone who has kids without also having a relationship with their kids and probably quite a lot of the rest of their family. Again, nothing very superficial there.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 06, 2010, 05:16:37 PM
EDIT: And you simply can't have a relationship with someone who has kids without also having a relationship with their kids and probably quite a lot of the rest of their family. Again, nothing very superficial there.

So why would having a relationship with her kids make you miss out on the opportunity to spend your life with the woman of your dreams?   You're right that "superficial" wasn't a good word choice.  I just can't comprehend someone passing up on a lifetime of happiness with a great partner because she happens to have a child.   The only logical conclusion I can make is that they think that there are so many other quality matches out there that they can afford to let the ones with children pass them by.  I hope that they're correct.  I haven't found it to be the case in my life.  I've known MANY women and I have yet to find one that I want to share my life with.  Were she to come along, I'd be delighted to share her with her children. 
 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 06, 2010, 05:20:53 PM
But see that's just it, you can't evaluate those parts of a relationship separately. If the kids are horrible - or even if they're not - then the relationship with the other person is automatically changed. It is another huge variable in the equation.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 06, 2010, 05:22:52 PM
My point is that it's damn near impossible to find a quality, compatible mate for life.

Wut?  Is this most peoples' experience?  I'm not trolling or anything, but I'm an ugly, irascible son of a bitch and even my experience is completely the opposite of that.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 06, 2010, 05:24:06 PM
My point is that it's damn near impossible to find a quality, compatible mate for life.

Wut?  Is this most peoples' experience?  I'm not trolling or anything, but I'm an ugly, irascible son of a bitch and even my experience is completely the opposite of that.

IIRC Nebu married a model -- nuff said.   :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 06, 2010, 05:31:02 PM
It would be nice to go out on a successful date with a beautiful woman that leads to something passionate and brief. That's all I really want out of life right now. No kids, no relationships. Just a clean hook-up that leaves us both satisfied and demystifies a section of my life, without having to pay someone to fake the emotions.

I stopped going to strip clubs, especially after seeing the Butters episode this season on South Park. But I still think about it and want to go just for some female companionship, even though I know every single one of them is using their looks and charm to extort my wallet.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 06, 2010, 05:33:46 PM
Quote from: Nebu
You all understand that having a child or not tells you nothing about the compatibility of the woman.  The child is a qualifier of the situation.  What I'm saying here is that tossing a woman aside because of a child would mean you didn't like the situation, not that you didn't like the woman.  As I said above, that's a personal choice.  You're just limiting your pool of women by removing any that have kids.

This is why I said you're acting like kids are dogs you don't like that much. You simply can't dismiss the child (or children) as a mere condition that will pass. Yes, of course they grow up and you don't have to take care of them all the time, but you have to get through that part first, and not as some impartial observer or anything, either. You'd be expected to also be a parent. That isn't something to be taken lightly, and I have a lot more respect for people who know themselves well enough to say, "No, that isn't for me," because the kid deserves someone who wants them.

I get that you personally wouldn't mind being in the step-parent role, but to act like it has nothing to do with the parent and what your relationship with them would be is a little ... well, weird. Because he or she is pretty unlikely to be OK with you closing your eyes and thinking of England whenever it is time to Be a Parent to their kids.

Of course, this is all also ignoring that it's OK to not have a Lifetime Forever Perfect Mate. That isn't for everyone either. :P


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 06, 2010, 05:44:01 PM
I stopped going to strip clubs, especially after seeing the Butters episode this season on South Park. But I still think about it and want to go just for some female companionship, even though I know every single one of them is using their looks and charm to extort my wallet.

That last bit is simply not the universal truth that people think it is.  One of my best friends (an ex of mine) is a lap dancer, so I have socialised with, hung out with etc plenty of her colleagues (I also helped her quite a bit with writing up her doctoral thesis, which was an application of Foucault's approach to the broader sex industry).  Lots of them are broken, many are incapable of financial responsibility, or are disproportionately impressed with financial security (this thread is not the place to go into why that is, but the psych 101 answer is obvious if you consider another, darker element across depressingly, astonishingly many of their pasts), but surprisingly few of them are the sort of money-centred, calculating sociopaths you describe once you know them.  Of course, so long as you are in a frame where you are "the client" and they are "the dancer" they will follow patterns closer to what you describe.

Lap dancers are also phenomenally easy to get off with, once you spot the pattern.  It's just not very nice of you to do so.  A bit like taking advantage of single mothers.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 06, 2010, 05:48:28 PM
Yeah I'm broken in that it is difficulty for me to recognize or adjust myself to other people who are broken in different ways. Plus, meeting anyone at a strip club tends to taint any future friendship / relationship you might have. If you met them anywhere else, that'd have been awesome, but instead...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 06, 2010, 05:57:22 PM
Yeah I'm broken in that it is difficulty for me to recognize or adjust myself to other people who are broken in different ways. Plus, meeting anyone at a strip club tends to taint any future friendship / relationship you might have. If you met them anywhere else, that'd have been awesome, but instead...

Oh yeah: lap dancers are prestige catches, but utterly short-term.  You just need to see their horrendous long-term boyfriends (whose willingness to have their girlfriends grind on other men every night is fuelled by their pleasure in having their 16-hour-a-day playstation habits subsidised) to remember why.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 06, 2010, 06:16:25 PM
Your dismissal of the child issue, Nebu, is coming from the purely male standpoint.  As if you're the one who gets to make or break that decision. 

My sister won't date, nor wants to even attempt to date, a guy who isn't into her kid and the kid doesn't also dig.  She doesn't want to talk to guys who hold your opinion, and - if I could talk her into trying dating sites - would be one of the first to be glad that little checkmark is there.

Kids aren't a temporary malady, they're blood and the only thing that's almost guaranteed to be around for the rest of your life.  Even your 'perfect mate' is more likely to leave your life before your kid.   Or did you stop talking to your mom & dad because you got married and "got a life of your own"?

Thinking about it a bit more and reading a few more responses.. this probably points out more about you than you realize.  You're removing yourself from a lot of women's pools - something you're chiding everyone else about - because of your lassiez faire attitude towards these women's families.  And coming across as a bit of a dick in the same moment.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 06, 2010, 06:16:31 PM
Gotta lot respect for dudes who take on "families", as opposed to just one person. Don't know if I'll ever do it myself though, but you can't really take a stance on it in some theoretical way. You'd have to be in love with a specific person to start thinking about it. And I guess I can't blame single mothers for having a more serious commitment in mind when they date (not to say all mothers do.. some take their time like anyone else).

[edit] By "you" I mean you in general. And me. Not really addressing this to anyone.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Montague on January 06, 2010, 06:16:38 PM
Yeah I'm broken in that it is difficulty for me to recognize or adjust myself to other people who are broken in different ways. Plus, meeting anyone at a strip club tends to taint any future friendship / relationship you might have. If you met them anywhere else, that'd have been awesome, but instead...

Oh yeah: lap dancers are prestige catches, but utterly short-term.  You just need to see their horrendous long-term boyfriends (whose willingness to have their girlfriends grind on other men every night is fuelled by their pleasure in having their 16-hour-a-day playstation habits subsidised) to remember why.

I played in a D&D group with a couple where the wife was a stripper. Oddest fucking relationship I've ever seen. One time they came over with her "girlfriend" and while he played D&D with us, she and her girlfriend made out on the couch. While everyone else was staring in disbelief, the husband paid no attention to them and was far more interested in getting his character to the next level.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 06, 2010, 06:25:24 PM
I played in a D&D group with a couple where the wife was a stripper. Oddest fucking relationship I've ever seen. One time they came over with her "girlfriend" and while he played D&D with us, she and her girlfriend made out on the couch. While everyone else was staring in disbelief, the husband paid no attention to them and was far more interested in getting his character to the next level.

Oh, you get off with a few dancers you get blase (add your own acute) about this shit.  You go out for a drink and her friend, on being introduced to you, asks you quite seriously "so, when are the three of us going to have sex, then?"  Or you wander through in the morning, are introduced to her flatmate (who is sitting about in only a g-string) and remember to stop yourself saying "I saw you in some videos from Private, didn't I?"  Not that she'd care.

I'm married now, I stress.  But I was quite the denizen of the demi-monde in my time.

That said, I can only imagine the effect on a room full of my gamer friends of what you describe  :awesome_for_real:.  I lived with a couple of girls (not dancers) for a little while, and while one of them gamed the other disdainfully ignored my geeky hobby.  But I don't think my gaming group ever thought it was anything more than a flat-sharing thing.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 06, 2010, 06:44:19 PM
I just can't comprehend someone passing up on a lifetime of happiness with a great partner because she happens to have a child.   I've known MANY women and I have yet to find one that I want to share my life with.  Were she to come along, I'd be delighted to share her with her children.  

How the above statement lead you to your conclusion, I'll never know.

Thinking about it a bit more and reading a few more responses.. this probably points out more about you than you realize.  You're removing yourself from a lot of women's pools - something you're chiding everyone else about - because of your lassiez faire attitude towards these women's families.  And coming across as a bit of a dick in the same moment.

You know what... I don't want to know.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 06, 2010, 06:53:02 PM
Wut?  Is this most peoples' experience?  I'm not trolling or anything, but I'm an ugly, irascible son of a bitch and even my experience is completely the opposite of that.
Most likely in life, you will eventually get kicked to the curb by them being tired of putting up with your shit, or vice versa.  At least that's my experience.  People get tired of other people sometimes (broken or not) and so they decide they don't want to deal with them anymore.  Real lifelong relationships do exist, but they are seriously the exception and hardly the norm.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 06, 2010, 07:07:17 PM
There will never be a situation in which the choice is "pass up a lifetime of happiness if she has a child". In reality the choice is "This chick I want to date has a child". The child is just as big a factor in the relationship as yourself (probably more so). I wont date anyone with a kid because I am then forced to account for a childs feelings in my dealings with the mother. Why would I want to deal with that added layer of drama if it can be easily avoided?

If by some act of magic I fell instantly in love with a woman with a kid I wouldn't deny the relationship. But this is the meat world and not some romantic comedy, it doesn't work like that. Im sure I "could" fall in love with junkies and paraplegics and those with a terminal illness, but if I can avoid those additional complexities I sure as fuck am going to.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sir T on January 06, 2010, 07:15:36 PM
My point is that it's damn near impossible to find a quality, compatible mate for life.

Wut?  Is this most peoples' experience?  I'm not trolling or anything, but I'm an ugly, irascible son of a bitch and even my experience is completely the opposite of that.

Its not mine experience. I cant find a woman to safe my life. Never have. Hell some guys have explained to me how they do it and I've always thought they were yanking my chain. I tried some of the stuff they said and all I got was wierd quizzical looks from women. Girls are just not attracted to me. I've just had to accept it.

Hell when I did go out the only times women ever said anything to me is asking me where the toilets are. I'm not kidding.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 06, 2010, 07:17:43 PM
Wut?  Is this most peoples' experience?  I'm not trolling or anything, but I'm an ugly, irascible son of a bitch and even my experience is completely the opposite of that.
Most likely in life, you will eventually get kicked to the curb by them being tired of putting up with your shit, or vice versa.  At least that's my experience.  People get tired of other people sometimes (broken or not) and so they decide they don't want to deal with them anymore.  Real lifelong relationships do exist, but they are seriously the exception and hardly the norm.

Welp there are some kinda embittered people here! I was, when younger, a bit of a coward about breaking up with people (I am a sucker for the crying girl thing) and used to try to provoke them into breaking up with me (kidding myself that I was helping them by letting them be the ones doing the breaking up) and it proved virtually impossible to do so. Once a girl actually, for-real loves you, you have to be phenomenally awful to lose that. Just look at the people you know putting up with genuinely awful people for years.    


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Mrbloodworth on January 06, 2010, 07:19:03 PM
What if I don't want to deal with her "Babies daddy"?



 :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 06, 2010, 07:24:40 PM
What if I don't want to deal with her "Babies daddy"?



 :awesome_for_real:

Yeah that would be a source of ongoing awkwardness for me if I was seeing a woman with a kid. For the sake of the kid you need to actively encourage her ex to stay in her life. Best case scenario, you have to put up with her bitching about how awful he is, with no prospect of closure. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 06, 2010, 07:29:32 PM
I can't deal with kids. I already have enough trouble dealing with people due to my Asperger Syndrome. Kids are even worse; they're too stupid to understand and I can't dumb myself down enough to talk on their level.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 06, 2010, 07:29:47 PM
Honestly, I'm surprised this is still going.

Never fuck around with a mom.

Period.

Any discussion beyond that about Girls With Child is entirely off point.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 06, 2010, 07:41:41 PM
I wouldn't even born if my Dad was that kind of prick. My mom was a single mother, but my Dad loved her, and instead of being some douchebag GI hooking up with some Asian chick temporarily, he decided to adopt my big brother and they all moved back to the states. Later, I was born. Therefore, I respect guys who do it. Not sure if I ever will. Not like it's my first choice or anything.. but there's nothing inherently wrong with it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 06, 2010, 08:16:24 PM
Welp there are some kinda embittered people here! I was, when younger, a bit of a coward about breaking up with people (I am a sucker for the crying girl thing) and used to try to provoke them into breaking up with me (kidding myself that I was helping them by letting them be the ones doing the breaking up) and it proved virtually impossible to do so. Once a girl actually, for-real loves you, you have to be phenomenally awful to lose that.
Once you get kicked in the gut by someone you thought things were fine with you'll be as bitter and jaded as the rest of us.  But I don't know, clubbing and drinking with other guys is more fun than me, so I guess I deserve it for being boring.

As far as letting someone else break up with me, you kinda have to actually be dating someone for that.  I would never stoop so low.  The only other time I've ever broken up with someone or been broken up with, I did it and it wasn't that painful since we had only been dating for like 6 weeks.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 06, 2010, 08:29:50 PM
I was lucky.  I didn't want kids and neither did Righ.  I don't know what would have happened if one of us did.  I have a feeling it might have not even occurred to us to see each other if that were the case.  I think it makes a big difference to some people.  I'm not sure relationships can work if even grown children aren't considered.  It seems that either the marriage breaks or the bond between the parent and child would become strained.  Righ and I became inseparable only a couple of months after we met.  His recent visit home for two weeks this past year was the longest we've actually been away from each other.  

I might be wrong, though.   You could fill the Grand Canyon with what I know about kids and other people's relationships.  We don't have the usual sort, I think.  Anyway - don't listen to Endie.  I've seen pics.  He's not even remotely ugly.  Even with strangely bleached hair.  I totally get the irascible son of a bitch part, though, if you can see past his girlish good looks and dainty airs.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 06, 2010, 08:30:02 PM
Welp there are some kinda embittered people here! I was, when younger, a bit of a coward about breaking up with people (I am a sucker for the crying girl thing) and used to try to provoke them into breaking up with me (kidding myself that I was helping them by letting them be the ones doing the breaking up) and it proved virtually impossible to do so. Once a girl actually, for-real loves you, you have to be phenomenally awful to lose that.
Once you get kicked in the gut by someone you thought things were fine with you'll be as bitter and jaded as the rest of us.

You can't be jaded forever. Fuck, I hope not.  :uhrr:

[edit] Damnit, I hate to get all patronizing, but you're probably not boring Selby. Your just haven't found your compatible brand of boring.  :grin: Everyone's interesting (almost). Anyways, don't define yourself by someone else's bullshit. I guess there's a period where it's hard not to, but don't do it for long.

OK, sorry for that. ;)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on January 06, 2010, 08:45:22 PM
It's totally possible to be jaded forever.  Sure, flashes of romanticism flair up and you dream of a world filled with flowers, you see the couples that give you hope, but those moments always pass.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 06, 2010, 08:50:49 PM
Quote
You can't be jaded forever. Fuck, I hope not.

Absolutely you can.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sir T on January 06, 2010, 08:53:17 PM
You can't be jaded forever. Fuck, I hope not.  :uhrr:

Oh believe me you can.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 06, 2010, 09:08:04 PM
It's totally possible to be jaded forever.  Sure, flashes of romanticism flair up and you dream of a world filled with flowers, you see the couples that give you hope, but those moments always pass.
This.  To a T.  Dreams and hopes are only there to be crushed and destroyed, so it's better to not have any at all and never be disappointed with how life turns out ;-)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on January 06, 2010, 09:14:09 PM
Ironically, a woman wanting a quality, compatible mate for life just hit one of my deal-breakers.

You should have taken me up on my offer of an introduction to my cousin, then.  You'd be divorced, bitter and mostly likely still (s)(child)(less).

Sorry, I didn't know what to do with that word.  It was freaking me out.

I can't read what your saying with your boobs in the way.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 06, 2010, 09:14:18 PM
Dreams aren't there to be crushed. They're just for children with no sense of reality.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 06, 2010, 09:19:59 PM
OK, stay jaded...!  But never be so jaded if it comes to you. That's my Tony Robbins advice for the day.  :grin: I can understand being jaded where you're not willing to put yourself out there anymore. That can be exhausting. But eventually people come along and are putting themselves out there for you instead. Just don't be so jaded to the point that you push them away. You can be jaded all day about not getting what you want, but that person might be just what you need. And eventually what you want too.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 06, 2010, 09:20:35 PM
I just can't comprehend someone passing up on a lifetime of happiness with a great partner because she happens to have a child.   I've known MANY women and I have yet to find one that I want to share my life with.  Were she to come along, I'd be delighted to share her with her children.  

How the above statement lead you to your conclusion, I'll never know.

Because that's a fucking arrogant statement. You don't get to "share" the kids mother with the kid, dork.  If anything you're lucky enough she decides to share the kid with you and include you in the family.  Mother-Spawn = Permanent bond.  You = interloper.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 06, 2010, 09:29:22 PM
But eventually people come along and are putting themselves out there for you instead. Just don't be so jaded to the point that you push them away.
In all of my experience if someone is putting themselves out there for you, they want something (and no, a relationship is NOT what I am referring to) from you.  And as soon as they get whatever they want, they are gone.

I definitely agree with the "not putting yourself out there" part.  That's just excruciating and painful.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 06, 2010, 09:32:54 PM
Because that's a fucking arrogant statement. You don't get to "share" the kids mother with the kid, dork.  If anything you're lucky enough she decides to share the kid with you and include you in the family.  Mother-Spawn = Permanent bond.  You = interloper.

If you knew anything about my personal situation, you'd know that I never meant it in such an arrogant tone.  Of course, there's no way that you could have known my background.  At least now that you've clarified your point, I can better appreciate and understand your view.  I do agree with where you're coming from.  

I also apologize for the derail.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 06, 2010, 09:43:26 PM
But eventually people come along and are putting themselves out there for you instead. Just don't be so jaded to the point that you push them away.
In all of my experience if someone is putting themselves out there for you, they want something (and no, a relationship is NOT what I am referring to) from you.  And as soon as they get whatever they want, they are gone.

I definitely agree with the "not putting yourself out there" part.  That's just excruciating and painful.

I don't know you or what you've dealt with, but not everyone wants something from you, man. And "by putting themselves out there", I don't mean in some dramatic way. I'd be weary of that too. I just mean if someone hints at some interest. If you don't even see that as a possibility of happening, then it's your fault. Got to be at least somewhat positive, and think there's shit worth liking about yourself. You mentioned being hooked up with some girl before - so it's definitely in the realm of possibility. What sucks is letting her crush you to the point that you believe her bullshit, that nothing is worth trusting, and you aren't worth liking. Fuck that noise.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 06, 2010, 09:49:12 PM
Can you, in one sentence, explain what you were trying to say in that muddled mess of assumptive bullshit?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 06, 2010, 09:58:17 PM
Can you, in one sentence, explain what you were trying to say in that muddled mess of assumptive bullshit?

Nope, not in one sentence. Sorry.

He said earlier he's been kicked in the gut by some chick who had a better time hooking up with other dudes.. and that he guesses he deserves it for being "boring".

Fuck that, man. That's what I'm saying. I can only assume he's calling himself boring only because she said that. What little I know of Selby (and granted it's little), I think he's a cool dude. He shouldn't talk like that, and no one should. There's nothing "assumptive" or "bullshit" about what I'm saying. It's just fucking imperative that you not define yourself by other people - especially some bitch who can't stick with you for small reasons.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 06, 2010, 10:01:58 PM
Quote
I can only assume he's calling himself boring only because she said that.

Quote
What little I know of Selby (and granted it's little),

Quote
There's nothing "assumptive" or "bullshit" about what I'm saying.

Quote
especially some bitch who can't stick with you for small reasons.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 06, 2010, 10:17:16 PM
Hey! I'm only working with what I got.. but if someone says "clubbing and drinking with other guys is more fun than me", then it doesn't sound like him talking. Sounds like he's repeating something -- something that happens to be bullshit. I don't know him, but it's bullshit. Nobody's that boring. And if that's "assumptive" to say "I doubt you're boring. Fuck that." then so be it. You couldn't pay me to say anything else.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 06, 2010, 10:28:32 PM
Quote
Nobody's that boring.

Wrong. There are indeed people that are that boring. I am proud to say that I would bore 90% of the girls I will ever meet. They'd bore me too. Who gives a shit?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 06, 2010, 10:33:12 PM
That's the point. If there's that 10% you won't bore (or rather Selby won't bore), then wtf gives with the whole jaded thing? One shouldn't talk of getting kicked in the nuts for too long, and let that define their future outlook, when they have another 10% that's willing to jump on your nuts.

[edit] This isn't saying that it doesn't suck getting kicked in the nuts. It does.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 06, 2010, 10:45:40 PM
Nevermind, I'm done with this line of conversation.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on January 06, 2010, 11:21:10 PM
Can you, in one sentence, explain what you were trying to say in that muddled mess of assumptive bullshit?
I'm pretty sure it was "Harden the fuck up."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 06, 2010, 11:28:08 PM
I was lucky.  I didn't want kids and neither did Righ.  I don't know what would have happened if one of us did.  I have a feeling it might have not even occurred to us to see each other if that were the case.  I think it makes a big difference to some people.  I'm not sure relationships can work if even grown children aren't considered.  It seems that either the marriage breaks or the bond between the parent and child would become strained.  Righ and I became inseparable only a couple of months after we met.  His recent visit home for two weeks this past year was the longest we've actually been away from each other.  

I might be wrong, though.   You could fill the Grand Canyon with what I know about kids and other people's relationships.  We don't have the usual sort, I think.  Anyway - don't listen to Endie.  I've seen pics.  He's not even remotely ugly.  Even with strangely bleached hair.  I totally get the irascible son of a bitch part, though, if you can see past his girlish good looks and dainty airs.

I am indifferent to having them and Ingmar doesn't want them at all, and that works out pretty well too. We know people where one person didn't want them married someone who did and got pressured into having one ... it's not a relationship situation I would want anyone to be in, nor do I think it's actually good for the kids. Kids deserve to have both parents want 'em, imo. The problem is a lot of people think the have-a-kid-or-not thing isn't one worth breaking up over, when it really should be a no brainer. Sure one or the other might change their mind but ... it's not really something to bank on.

Ingmar and I would've liked to have been inseperable (or at least I woulda ;) ), but there was the little issue of living across the country from each other. I think that made us fast forward through a lot of the relationship, though, I moved in with him a lot sooner than I think I would've if we lived closer, for example. I think since moving the longest we've been apart has been a week or so. Amusingly, I STILL hate dropping him off at the airport.  :heart:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 06, 2010, 11:38:48 PM
Nevermind, I'm done with this line of conversation.

Heh.. Man, I'm honestly sorry if I frustrate you. If any of you have completely made your mind up about being jaded, then it's not something I can really debate. And I actually hate to sound like I'm blowing sunshine up anyone's ass anyways.

[edit]
Ingmar and I would've liked to have been inseperable (or at least I woulda ;) ), but there was the little issue of living across the country from each other.

How did you meet being long distance? Game related?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 07, 2010, 12:16:38 AM
Yeah, we met playing on a MUD. We're so cool.  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: UnSub on January 07, 2010, 12:59:14 AM
I rate this thread  :why_so_serious: :why_so_serious: :why_so_serious: :why_so_serious: / 5.

Ruling people out because they have children reduces an already infinitesimally small pool.  If you have the good fortune of finding someone that meets whatever criteria you set as limiters, you've beaten the odds.  Good for you.  I choose to keep as many of my options open as possible. 

You're right - I've stuck with women with who have two eyes and a full set of teeth. By setting such standards, I may have missed out on something special (and the gumming of a lifetime).

Plus, meeting anyone at a strip club tends to taint any future friendship / relationship you might have. If you met them anywhere else, that'd have been awesome, but instead...

If she's half-naked and shaking her ta-tas at a PTA meeting, it'd be awesome, but I don't think the future relationship would be unblemished.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on January 07, 2010, 07:57:00 AM
By setting such standards, I may have missed out on something special (and the gumming of a lifetime).
You're lucky I can't set custom titles. Yours would be "The gumming of a lifetime". That was the funniest thing I've read in weeks.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Mrbloodworth on January 07, 2010, 08:07:24 AM
Did this thread just have a hug session?  :ye_gods:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: KallDrexx on January 07, 2010, 09:47:49 AM
In the end it doesn't matter anyway with how high the divorce rate is!

Quote
The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on January 07, 2010, 11:40:43 AM
The solution is to live in sin forever.  Well, if you ever find anyone, which you won't.  'Cause love is a silly dream and whatnot.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 07, 2010, 11:53:14 AM
I really feel sorry for all the jaded people here.  My mum and dad have been happily married for over four decades.  My wife's parents almost exactly the same.  I am entirely confident that she and I will remain happily married for the rest of our lives, and having known her for over 20 years I doubt if there are any really nasty discoveries on the way to change my opinion on this.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 07, 2010, 11:54:50 AM
Love is something for movies and books to exploit. The reality is much more complicated. I've met people who seem absolutely awesome to me but wouldn't want to have anything to do with me. Those that do show interest either did so to rob me, take advantage of me, or toy with me. So, jaded forever? Sounds like a plan!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Pennilenko on January 07, 2010, 12:02:50 PM
Love exists, it happens when you meet someone that makes you not give a shit about being right, or getting your way. Love isRelationships are hard work, it takes dedication and is not for the lazy or weak minded.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 07, 2010, 12:04:08 PM
Well, Lore, I think we may have found one cause of your problems...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 12:04:24 PM
Love is not hard work. A relationship is. A lazy motherfucker can love as much and more as anyone else. It takes zero effort to love. I don't know why anyone would think otherwise.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Pennilenko on January 07, 2010, 12:08:05 PM
Love is not hard work. A relationship is. A lazy motherfucker can love as much and more as anyone else. It takes zero effort to love. I don't know why anyone would think otherwise.

Shoot, good point. Something must be broken in my head, I equate love to relationships for some reason. Well then, substitute love for relationship in my previous post.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on January 07, 2010, 12:17:35 PM
I think that what schild is getting at is that anyone can harbor feelings that feel like love, while still acting like a complete asshat to the beloved. Stalkers, for instance, are often convinced that they do what they do out of love. Just because you're moonfaced over some pretty face that you're currently shagging doesn't mean you actually love him/her. It means you are having a biochemical response to another carbon-based lifeform.

Love itself, the acts that accompany a true sentiment of caring, require a dialectic between the lover and the beloved that takes a sense of ethics, work and patience.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 12:24:23 PM
Quote
Love itself, the acts that accompany a true sentiment of caring, require a dialectic between the lover and the beloved that takes a sense of ethics, work and patience.

That's a relationship.

I wasn't talking about stalkers and shit. I was talking about love. Towards people, objects, whatever.

I love the internet. LOVE IT. Top 5 motherfucker.

I love the Misfits, even without Danzig.

I love Deus Ex, even if Specter is making some lame muddy shit for the Wii.

All that other shit you said is bullshit. Relationships take effort, love does not. I could quote poetry and theory all day to support that but I don't love philosophical bullshit. I do, however, love the definitions of words and using them properly.

love
  /lʌv/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [luhv] Show IPA noun, verb, loved, lov⋅ing.
Use love in a Sentence
See web results for love
See images of love
–noun
1.    a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.    a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3.    sexual passion or desire.
4.    a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5.    (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6.    a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7.    sexual intercourse; copulation.
8.    (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9.    affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10.    strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11.    the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12.    the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13.    Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
14.    a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.

I'd say 14 definitions with none even close to what you said proves my point.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 07, 2010, 12:28:38 PM
3.    sexual passion or desire.

I thought this was lust.  I guess the line is even blurred in the dictionary. 

I also think that my age is having a profound effect on my feelings toward this discussion.  After 40 my desire has become one more of friendship and companionship than one of lust/sexual desire.  Biology is a funny thing.  I'm less interested in the physical attraction (though it still matters, particularly with health and hygeine) and more interested in morals, ethics, and intellect.  Things I wish I had selected more for the first time I was married. 



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 12:31:41 PM
Quote
lust
  /lʌst/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [luhst] Show IPA
Use lust in a Sentence
See web results for lust
See images of lust
–noun
1.    intense sexual desire or appetite.
2.    uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.
3.    a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usually fol. by for): a lust for power.
4.    ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish: an enviable lust for life.
5.    Obsolete.
a.    pleasure or delight.
b.    desire; inclination; wish.

Doesn't seem very blurred.

I'd love to fuck Charlize Theron.

I lust to fuck Charlize Theron.

Not really the same thing IMO.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 07, 2010, 12:33:45 PM
I know better than to start a semantics argument with you.  

Just suggesting that many people, particularly inexperienced people, have a tough time differentiating between the two.  Like the whole "Love at first sight" bullshit.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 12:39:51 PM
I don't think it's too much to ask that people use words they know the definition of, I wasn't necessarily harping at you by the way.

Edit: Love at first sight exists and is completely physical. Relationships at first sight do not. Also, the entire notion of "Love at First Sight" is more creepy than romantic.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 07, 2010, 12:41:01 PM
Relationships take effort, love does not. I could quote poetry and theory all day to support that but I don't love philosophical bullshit. I do, however, love the definitions of words and using them properly.

When in doubt about the correct usage of a word I tend to go for the oldest definition I can find.  Here's a pretty old definition of love that was read at my wedding:

Quote
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

 :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 07, 2010, 12:41:17 PM
Edit: Love at first sight exists and is completely physical. Relationships at first sight do not. Also, the entire notion of "Love at First Sight" is more creepy than romantic.

Good point.  I even messed up there myself. 

I have to confess that I tend to think of "love at first sight" as "lust at first sight", so maybe I'm broken as well.  By my own definition, you have to know and interact with someone before you can love them (i.e. Love exists on a much deeper emotional level than Lust).  Then again, it doesn't take a deep emotional connection to love the taste of chocolate.  Perhaps my definitions of love and lust are unique for human interaction compared to any other context. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 12:42:51 PM
That's the "I Love Jesus" definition of Love afaik.

Try Homer's Iliad or Dante's Inferno. Surely you can find something older than a 2000 year old document based on utter bollocks.

Edit: Samwise, that wasn't a jab at your wedding. I'm sure it was perfectly lovely and topical, but it doesn't really prove any sort of point here.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 12:45:33 PM
Edit: Love at first sight exists and is completely physical. Relationships at first sight do not. Also, the entire notion of "Love at First Sight" is more creepy than romantic.

Good point.  I even messed up there myself.  

I have to confess that I tend to think of "love at first sight" as "lust at first sight", so maybe I'm broken as well.  By my own definition, you have to know and interact with someone before you can love them (i.e. Love exists on a much deeper emotional level than Lust).  Then again, it doesn't take a deep emotional connection to love the taste of chocolate.  Perhaps my definitions of love and lust are unique for human interaction compared to any other context.  
You love the study of medicine and chemistry in general.

Just saying.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 07, 2010, 12:52:07 PM
That's the "I Love Jesus" definition of Love afaik.

Try Homer's Iliad or Dante's Inferno. Surely you can find something older than a 2000 year old document based on utter bollocks.

Edit: Samwise, that wasn't a jab at your wedding. I'm sure it was perfectly lovely and topical, but it doesn't really prove any sort of point here.

And you're defending your point based on what some nerd who's never touched a woman wrote in an Internet dictionary.  I'm just saying.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 12:54:27 PM
Dictionary.com just copies shit from Oxford:

Quote
ove

  • noun 1 an intense feeling of deep affection. 2 a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. 3 a great interest and pleasure in something. 4 a person or thing that one loves. 5 (in tennis, squash, etc.) a score of zero. apparently from the phrase play for love (i.e. the love of the game, not for money).

 • verb 1 feel love for. 2 like very much. 3 loving showing love or great care.

Edit:
The dictionaries that appear on Dictionary.com include:

    * Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1), Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.
    * Webster's New Millennium Dictionary of English, Preview Edition (v 0.9.6) Copyright 2003-2006 Dictionary.com, LLC
    * Dictionary.com Word of the Day
    * Dictionary.com Crossword Solver
    * The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
    * The American Heritage® Dictionary of Idioms by Christine Ammer. Copyright © 1997 by The Christine Ammer 1992 Trust. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.
    * The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary Copyright © 2002, 2001, 1995 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.
    * WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University
    * Investopedia.com. Copyright © 1999-2005 - All rights reserved. Owned and Operated by Investopedia Inc.
    * Wall Street Words: An A to Z Guide to Investment Terms for Today's Investor by David L. Scott. Copyright © 2003 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.
    * Merriam-Webster's Dictionary of Law,© 1996 Merriam-Webster, Inc.
    * Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.
    * Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.
    * The Free On-line Dictionary of Computing, © 1993-2005 Denis Howe
    * Jargon File 4.2.0
    * U.S. Gazetteer, U.S. Census Bureau



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 07, 2010, 12:57:19 PM
Who needs the lusty part of love?  Not me.  The other bits are very nice, though.  I don't think it's age with me, though.  I don't remember ever being too big on sex and lust.  It's all sort of messy.  The Schild wibble of this discussion makes the most sense to me.  Strange, huh?  I find myself pretty much agreeing with all that.  Except the Danzig bit.  How can anyone love The Misfits without Danzig?  It was all about that muscle bound little dwarf, no?  Like, maybe, but love?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 07, 2010, 12:58:39 PM
Quote
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Luve is patientfu; luve is couthie an kind; luve is nane jailous; nane sprosie; nane bowdent wi pride; nane mislaired; nane hame-drauchtit; nane toustie; luve keeps nae nickstick o the wrangs it drees; finnds nae pleisur i the ill wark o ithers; is ay liftit up whan truith dings lies; kens ay tae keep a caum souch; is ay sweired tae misdout; ay houps the best; ay bides the warst.

And Schild isn't quite right: that version of love is, in the original text, agape: unconditional, self-sacrificing, considered (as opposed to necessarily instinctive) love, as in the love of a parent for a child, or (for example), what we might call the "tender" love of one person for another.  Not eros or philos, but not exclusive of them, either . The chapter it comes from is a Paul speaking in Platonic terms (as in "in the terms of Plato", not "sexless"), borrowing Plato's philosophy, language and ideas about the real and the perceived that most people know from the cave story.  He's specifically not just talking about "I love Jesus" (a couple of sentences on he says "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.")


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 07, 2010, 12:59:27 PM
Michael Graves had his moments, but I'm not sure I love him like Glenn.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 12:59:32 PM
Who needs the lusty part of love?  Not me.  The other bits are very nice, though.  I don't think it's age with me, though.  I don't remember ever being too big on sex and lust.  It's all sort of messy.  The Schild wibble of this discussion makes the most sense to me.  Strange, huh?  I find myself pretty much agreeing with all that.  Except the Danzig bit.  How can anyone love The Misfits without Danzig?  It was all about that muscle bound little dwarf, no?  Like, maybe, but love?
It was all about the muscle-bound little dwarf, sure. But then they found a recording studio and even though Michael G is pretty much ass in a can, at least the quality was there and Jerry Only was still writing the majority of the shit. The new stuff with Jerry Only doing the vocals is as good as any Danzig-era stuff.

Anyway, I get not loving the Misfits after Danzig left. 100%, I understand it. I just happen to still love it, maybe in a different way, but it's still fucking great.

Edit:
And Schild isn't quite right: that version of love is, in the original text, agape: unconditional, self-sacrificing, considered (as opposed to necessarily instinctive) love, as in the love of a parent for a child, or (for example), what we might call the "tender" love of one person for another.  Not eros or philos, but not exclusive of them, either . The chapter it comes from is a Paul speaking in Platonic terms (as in "in the terms of Plato", not "sexless"), borrowing Plato's philosophy, language and ideas about the real and the perceived that most people know from the cave story.  He's specifically not just talking about "I love Jesus" (a couple of sentences on he says "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.")
I appreciate you furthering my point of how easy it is to love.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 07, 2010, 01:06:17 PM
Shit, I don't know if it's Jerry or Michael's vox I'm listening to. Thought it was all Graves. I like Saturday Night and Lost in Space.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 01:07:26 PM
Shit, I don't know if it's Jerry or Michael I'm listening to. Thought it was all Graves. I like Saturday Night and Lost in Space.
Famous Monsters is Michael.

http://www.amazon.com/Land-Dead-Misfits/dp/B002T921B6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1262891209&sr=1-1

That is Jerry Only. Twilight of the Dead is probably the best thing they've done since the album Walk Among Us.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on January 07, 2010, 01:07:38 PM
Philosophers are always talking about love. Part of the problem of the semantics argument is that we use love to describe a range of positive emotions towards people and things, sometimes interchangably but often we mean a specific version of love and then people start arguing dragging in lots of examples of love being used in other senses. To use a very tired example the ancient Greeks wouldn't be having half these discussions because they differentiated between love between friends, family, sexual desire, etc. The classic idea we've got of love now involves a relationship or at least the desire to have a relationship with a person. When Schild says he loves the internet I'm assuming he means it in the sense that he really, really likes it and wants it to stay around. It's useful and gives him a whole range of shit (similarly to money). There's a big difference between loving objects like that and Love in the sense we apply to people. Also claiming to have feelings without any outward sign of them is somewhat dubious, someone can claim to feel brave and then bottle it, we wouldn't describe them as brave. Someone can claim they feel in love with someone else then act like an asshole towards them and fuck someone else behind their back. We wouldn't say that they're obviously in love with their partner. Feeling like you're in love with someone is easy but it doesn't mean you're in love with them.

I'd say more but frankly that's plenty. My parents have been married almost 30 years and I got to have a drunken conversation with my dad this Christmas that involved him telling him how awesome my mum was and what a fantastic person she is. Love can exist and it can work although I've personally failed generally at it (what's up with lack of mutual attraction? I always seem to be on one end or the other).


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 07, 2010, 01:07:50 PM
Lazy people can so be in successful relationships! Ingmar and I are totally lazy. We're too lazy to have problems, maybe.  :drill:

To be fair, I don't consider ended relationships to be autofails. I am probably the only person on the planet that thinks this way.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 07, 2010, 01:10:13 PM
Shit, I don't know if it's Jerry or Michael I'm listening to. Thought it was all Graves. I like Saturday Night and Lost in Space.
Famous Monsters is Michael.

http://www.amazon.com/Land-Dead-Misfits/dp/B002T921B6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1262891209&sr=1-1

That is Jerry Only. Twilight of the Dead is probably the best thing they've done since the album Walk Among Us.

Oh, like brand, brand new. Huh, I'll give it a shot.


I agree that love is easily pulled off by anyone. Yes, relationships are hard. The whole "Mutual love" thing does help though. And yes, even lazyness. :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 01:11:13 PM
Quote
When Schild says he loves the internet I'm assuming he means it in the sense that he really, really likes it and wants it to stay around.

No, when Schild says he loves the internet, he loves it the same way my Mom does me or my stepdad. I really, really fucking love it. I would not be able to function very well without it. I'd find myself constantly bored and longing for the days of the internet.

And yes, there's an obvious difference between actually being in love and the chemical reaction that makes you feel like you're in love. But the end result probably feels the same to the end-user.

Quote
Love can exist and it can work although I've personally failed generally at it (what's up with lack of mutual attraction? I always seem to be on one end or the other).

Unrequited love is fun.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 07, 2010, 01:12:52 PM
Yeah I would argue that just because a relationship ended before one person died doesn't mean it was a failure or a mistake.

The only relationships that I've had that were "hard" are the ones I should have avoided in the first place. The good ones have all been easy.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 07, 2010, 01:17:01 PM
Edit:
And Schild isn't quite right: that version of love is, in the original text, agape: unconditional, self-sacrificing, considered (as opposed to necessarily instinctive) love, as in the love of a parent for a child, or (for example), what we might call the "tender" love of one person for another.  Not eros or philos, but not exclusive of them, either . The chapter it comes from is a Paul speaking in Platonic terms (as in "in the terms of Plato", not "sexless"), borrowing Plato's philosophy, language and ideas about the real and the perceived that most people know from the cave story.  He's specifically not just talking about "I love Jesus" (a couple of sentences on he says "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.")
I appreciate you furthering my point of how easy it is to love.

Don't be snide.  I didn't disagree with you on that.  I thought you were spot-on about the confusion that people were making between love and relationships.  Your definition of "love" was kinda lazy and over-broad in extending to the colloquial.  The usefulness of discussing "I love you" or "I love your hair" in a thread about "relationship-love" are very different, after all.  And you've been on the internet long enough to know that discussions where someone is leaning on the OED are very often just about nit-picking.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 01:20:08 PM
I wasn't actually being snide.

Edit: And relationships are relationships, love is love. Throwing the two together is a recipe of theoretical bullshit and I wanted to separate the two. And yes, leaning on the dictionary is often about nit-picking, but in this case I wanted people to stop using that shit as synonyms because they fucking aren't.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on January 07, 2010, 01:21:16 PM
Quote
When Schild says he loves the internet I'm assuming he means it in the sense that he really, really likes it and wants it to stay around.

No, when Schild says he loves the internet, he loves it the same way my Mom does me or my stepdad. I really, really fucking love it. I would not be able to function very well without it. I'd find myself constantly bored and longing for the days of the internet.

Aside from what it gives you why do you love the internet? I can understand saying you love it the same way you love money or a library (it's useful, providing you with entertainment and access to stuff) but are those the same reasons your mom loves you? If you stopped talking to her would she still care about you? Along those same lines if you lost all net access would you keep tabs on it and care about the latest technology upgrade or net fad? It just seems unlikely you really do love it the same way, or at least really weird to love a thing in the same way you love a thing. Now I'll admit you can love a thing as much as a person but they seem to involve fundamentally different sorts of ways of loving something (for instance people who love their cars versus people who Love their cars and get to star in shitty documentaries on freaks)

fakeedit: Wholly crap this thread is moving quickly.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 07, 2010, 01:23:40 PM
fakeedit: Wholly crap this thread

Freudian slip?   :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 01:24:45 PM
Quote
If you stopped talking to her would she still care about you?

Yes, and if the internet stopped talking to me, I'd still care about it.

We can wax poetic about love all we want, but really, love is love - it's easy and it can be applied to almost anything and we got dangerously close, in this thread, to making love out to be this untouchable thing that's some complication of the heart and mind when it really isn't. "Relationship-Love" as Endie said it a few posts up isn't love. It's a relationship. Love can lead to such a thing, but it doesn't intertwine the two words if you want to apply any logic to it whatsoever. They aren't mutually exclusive, nor are they necessary for the other to exist.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 07, 2010, 01:30:24 PM
I believe that an old-fashioned term is a companion-marriage.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 01:31:07 PM
Here is Danzig doing Scream from Famous Monsters back in 1991 or so. Yea, Famous Monsters was written back then and not released til Graves did the vocals. Anyway, enjoy.

Scream (http://dl.dropbox.com/u/39720/f13/10%20Scream%20%5B%23%5D%5BDemo%20Version%5D.mp3).

I like the Graves stuff more.

Edit: By mistake wrote Doyle instead of Danzig.

Edit: Turns out this is an early, early cut with Graves channeling Danzig before doing his own thing for Famous Monsters. /shrug, this album is all over the map, not surprised Danzig and Only refused its release.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 07, 2010, 01:43:26 PM
Still better than any shit I could write, whoever it is.  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 01:44:19 PM
I would like to say that this album, Cuts from the Crypt, should've been released.

I love it. Even if the vocals are performed by 4 different people and there's no logical progression.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 07, 2010, 01:49:33 PM
Did you just start a mixed tape to give to the internet?  Did that just happen?

(http://dl.dropbox.com/u/963220/i_made_you_a_mix_tape_tshirt-p235661647227466111yqxf_400.jpg)

Also, I didn't really expect this thread to deliver.  But did it ever.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 01:53:11 PM
No, Cuts from the Crypt is an unreleased album of demos and early cuts of various stuff spanning the entire history of The Misfits.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 07, 2010, 01:56:57 PM
It would be nice to go out on a successful date with a beautiful woman that leads to something passionate and brief.

Be careful what you wish for. Late last year, I went on an incredibly successful date with an impossibly beautiful and intelligent woman I'd known for a year, that led to something intense, passionate, lasting only a few weeks. She was angry at the world and before I knew it, this came to include me, leaving me broken and alone. Bring on the internet dating.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Montague on January 07, 2010, 02:02:57 PM
My wife and I had a "relationship at first sight" deal. It was rather awkward since she was dating my best friend at the time.  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 07, 2010, 02:04:35 PM
It would be nice to go out on a successful date with a beautiful woman that leads to something passionate and brief.

Be careful what you wish for. Late last year, I went on an incredibly successful date with an impossibly beautiful and intelligent woman I'd known for a year, that led to something intense, passionate, lasting only a few weeks. She was angry at the world and before I knew it, this came to include me, leaving me broken and alone. Bring on the internet dating.

Seriously.. What a fucked up thing to wish for. I guess he needs to try it himself though.  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sir T on January 07, 2010, 02:07:29 PM
I don't believe love can happen to me because I can't see how anyone would be interested in me.

I had one really serious relationship. I met her on the internet, in a muse. We hit it off immediately, and I fell in love with this person in text almost immediately. But it was a very long distance relationship. Eventually we met up and Yeah it was great. But the thing is, when we were together she never told me she loved me (except once when she was drunk). She insisted we were friends that were having sex. When we were apart she said she loved me all the time... until we met again and this look came into her face and she insisted we were really friends again. Eventually she told me she could not see me again as she had to give herself totally to her Uni career and had no time for a relationship. 2 weeks later she was happily shaked up with another guy who she married.

So I learned from that that people can love me on the internet, like the clever way I use words and other things. But not the real me, not the person you would meet in the flesh. Nothing in the following 12 years has changed that conclusion.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 02:08:48 PM
Emo Poetry Jam, featuring Sir T.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 07, 2010, 02:09:53 PM
On the brightside, he bagged her. Obviously he had something going on in "real life", not just the internet.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sir T on January 07, 2010, 02:10:50 PM
Emo Poetry Jam, featuring Sir T.

Everyone else is contributing to this thread.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 02:14:43 PM
Emo Poetry Jam, featuring Sir T.

Everyone else is contributing to this thread.

So, why can't you? Is that what you wanted to ask?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 07, 2010, 02:16:52 PM
So I learned from that that people can love me on the internet, like the clever way I use words and other things. But not the real me, not the person you would meet in the flesh. Nothing in the following 12 years has changed that conclusion.

As a part-Greek Neo-Platonist I'm going to have to say that the "real" you isn't the bag of meat and bones that you define it to be.

Of course, that doesn't mean that you should send high-angle, high-contrast myspace pictures of yourself to girls because "the physical me doesn't matter in this context."  Some people still live in the cage.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 07, 2010, 02:19:50 PM
Also boo-yah you fucked dat bitch, homes.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 07, 2010, 02:23:58 PM
Not sure if you're being facetious Endie, but I'm serious. How could he go 12 years thinking he only has qualities "from a distance", when the fact is, he had some kind of physical relationship. Something worked at least.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 07, 2010, 02:32:55 PM
Not sure if you're being facetious Endie, but I'm serious. How could he go 12 years thinking he only has qualities "from a distance", when the fact is, he had some kind of physical relationship. Something worked at least.

I was being very serious in a light-hearted manner.  I was saying just what you were.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Montague on January 07, 2010, 02:57:59 PM
I don't believe love can happen to me because I can't see how anyone would be interested in me.

I had one really serious relationship. I met her on the internet, in a muse. We hit it off immediately, and I fell in love with this person in text almost immediately. But it was a very long distance relationship. Eventually we met up and Yeah it was great. But the thing is, when we were together she never told me she loved me (except once when she was drunk). She insisted we were friends that were having sex. When we were apart she said she loved me all the time... until we met again and this look came into her face and she insisted we were really friends again. Eventually she told me she could not see me again as she had to give herself totally to her Uni career and had no time for a relationship. 2 weeks later she was happily shaked up with another guy who she married.

So I learned from that that people can love me on the internet, like the clever way I use words and other things. But not the real me, not the person you would meet in the flesh. Nothing in the following 12 years has changed that conclusion.

I'd say your lack of self-esteem has more to do with the following 12 years than anything. Confidence is attractive.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 07, 2010, 03:10:34 PM
Yeah, "No one will ever love me because something is wrong with me," is often a self-fulfilling thing. Also, long long long distance relationships are hard as hell, especially if you are not in a place where you can/want to move closer. Just 'cause the relationship ended doesn't mean there was anything wrong with you or what you were like in real life. The fact she saw you in meatspace more than once indicates that pretty strongly to me.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sir T on January 07, 2010, 03:12:30 PM
I guess i'm just jaded


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Evildrider on January 07, 2010, 03:12:34 PM
I pretty much gave up on relationships when my ex-fiance broke up with me after I had to move back home to take care of my ailing grandfather.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 07, 2010, 03:13:30 PM
Self-fulfilling is true. But breaking the cycle is just as hard as a long distance relationship.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 07, 2010, 03:14:42 PM
Not sure if you're being facetious Endie, but I'm serious. How could he go 12 years thinking he only has qualities "from a distance", when the fact is, he had some kind of physical relationship. Something worked at least.

I was being very serious in a light-hearted manner.  I was saying just what you were.

Gotcha

I'm tired of giving advice, but umm.. I suggest watching Rocky. Maybe Rocky 2. If those don't work, then the Rocky Dennis movie just to really drive it home that shit isn't so bad. 12 years is too long bro.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 07, 2010, 03:50:24 PM
I don't understand the Rocky bits.   :ye_gods:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 07, 2010, 03:51:39 PM
Better to be a sadistic champ than a masochistic wimp.

[edit] Granted, a sadistic champ with a very homely girlfriend.. But hey. He's happy


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 07, 2010, 04:38:17 PM
Self-fulfilling is true. But breaking the cycle is just as hard as a long distance relationship.

Yeah, I figure that, given how many people get stuck in it. I don't really blame people for being jaded, I'm pretty sure if Ingmar and I ended poorly I would be devestated for a long time.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 04:59:03 PM
I guess i'm just jaded
Jaded implies you've had so much of something that you're worn out by it.

Like diku muds.

You aren't jaded, you're intensely inexperienced in reciprocal relationships. I'd err more on the side of "You hate that part of yourself, intensely."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 07, 2010, 05:27:27 PM
A couple of these guys just need to realize that the reason they're failing at relationships is that they don't really like other people.  Talk about a deal-breaker.  Once they come to terms with that they'll stop trying so hard to be like everyone else (sheep who let their brain chemistry ruin their lives by tricking them into a 'relationship').  Also, this isn't meant to be funny.  You don't have to like other people.  I don't.  The instant I realized that, I became much more happy.  I also started getting along much better with others, ironically.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 05:29:18 PM
Quote
You don't have to like other people.  I don't.  The instant I realized that, I became much more happy.

This.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 07, 2010, 05:31:17 PM
The ladies love it when you're "all mysteriously angry" - Oghren  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 07, 2010, 05:56:47 PM
Yep, it's like what Lorekeep is saying: that miasma of Weltschmerz, suspicion, self-pity and misogyny/misanthropy is going to send potential partners running - well, the sane ones who're not looking for someone filled with Weltschmerz, suspicion, self-pity and misogyny/misanthropy.

Call them shallow little flibbertygibbits but the average girl, speaking in broad generalisations, is inexplicably attracted to balanced, confident, happy men who can at least fake a degree of empathy for their fellow humans.  Characters in Nick Cave songs may get away with the grim anti-hero with a dark past thing, but not so much if you're just batting for that girl from accounts.  I loathe most people, as a rule, but I'm not going to let on about that in the first - oh I dunno - few years of a relationship.  My wife knows, but she thinks it's sweet.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 05:57:53 PM
Quote
the average girl, speaking in broad generalisations, is inexplicably attracted to balanced, confident, happy men

lol


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 07, 2010, 06:05:31 PM
Quote
the average girl, speaking in broad generalisations, is inexplicably attracted to balanced, confident, happy men

lol

I know that it's a waste of time trying to discuss this when all you do is definitely-not-in-a-snide-way quote a bit that you have anecdotal evidence isn't universally true despite me caveating to exactly that effect, but just because you once knew a girl who was a complete nightmare, or because you get your evidence on what women are attracted to by watching domestic violence calls on Cops, doesn't mean that being balanced, confident and happy isn't a better dating strategy than immersing yourself in bitterness and self-loathing.

Edit: spelling and fuck this keyboard


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 06:08:24 PM
I'm pretty sure girls will flat out tell you they don't know what they want if you can get them to be honest for a minute and will explain that what they want changes 100% with any given age bracket, as small as they decide that age bracket should be.

Edit: I don't communicate with people in real life that are a complete nightmare. You can join Stray in the Assumptive-Bastard Box if you'd like.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 07, 2010, 06:09:09 PM
I do love me a cynical, jaded at everything woman, though. We can commiserate and take heart that people suck! I think they have a name for that type of woman... is it British?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 06:09:39 PM
I do love me a cynical, jaded at everything woman, though. We can commiserate and take heart that people suck! I think they have a name for that type of woman... is it British?

Not british, fat.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: waffel on January 07, 2010, 06:19:23 PM
I don't believe love can happen to me because I can't see how anyone would be interested in me.

I had one really serious relationship. I met her on the internet, in a muse. We hit it off immediately, and I fell in love with this person in text almost immediately. But it was a very long distance relationship. Eventually we met up and Yeah it was great. But the thing is, when we were together she never told me she loved me (except once when she was drunk). She insisted we were friends that were having sex. When we were apart she said she loved me all the time... until we met again and this look came into her face and she insisted we were really friends again. Eventually she told me she could not see me again as she had to give herself totally to her Uni career and had no time for a relationship. 2 weeks later she was happily shaked up with another guy who she married.

So I learned from that that people can love me on the internet, like the clever way I use words and other things. But not the real me, not the person you would meet in the flesh. Nothing in the following 12 years has changed that conclusion.

I had something similiar happen a few years ago. Met a girl on the internet (not through a dating site), became friends, she was unhappy with her husband (she was married a few years(and we were both in our early 20s)) and I was there for her, yada yada yada, long story short, she separated from her husband, and we started fucking (long distance) After a few months of the "I love you so much" back and forth she ended up screwing some chick (she was bi). Next day she tells me "oh ya I messed around with so and so, also, I can't handle a relationship now" Fast forward a month and she's back with her husband.

Anyway, that was my first and last relationship. After being bummed out for a year I guess I came to the realization that I'm happy being single. Actually happy. After seeing and hearing about other relationships my friends are in and out of, I realized that shit is too much of a hassle. There are far, far too many ways to get hurt playing the game that I'd rather just keep it simple. For every friend I have that gets married, I have 5x others in and out of shitty relationship.

On the flip side, at times I do get lonely. Fuck it, everyone does. I can honestly say was a lot more lonely and down after that first bad relationship then I've ever been single. The only way I'd ever get back in a relationship is if I became friends with the girl first. I'm not interested in random dating and looking for a relationship, I'm much more interested in looking for friendship. If it turned into something else, awesome.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is - just be happy. You don't have to date, you don't have to be in relationships and despite what your parents might tell you - you don't have to hurry up and make grandkids. Once I realized I don't have to be in a relationship to be happy, and started realizing all the negative shit that comes out of relationships, waking up in the morning became a lot easier.

edit: I'm not trying to say you aren't already happy.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 07, 2010, 06:37:05 PM
Yeah, "No one will ever love me because something is wrong with me," is often a self-fulfilling thing.
Everyone has something wrong with them.  Luckily for some of us we have identified it ;-)  Sadly it ended my last relationship but at least we get to deal with it so we can hopefully not end the next (whenever I get around to caring about that) with it.

As far as not liking people, I like them in small doses and groups.  Large groups of 25+ people, most of whom I don't know?  Not my scene, I shut down.  The ex loved that scene and schmoozing with all the different people she knew and would leave me to hold her purse and drive her drunk self home at bar closing time (or later).  I used to think I hated everyone, but then I realized I just don't care for putting up with every kind of drama people give out, and just didn't like dealing with it and it showed in my attitude towards large groups.  And at least living the single life I get to play video games again, so my bitterness level is offset by my happiness level a bit ;-)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 07, 2010, 07:04:23 PM
Quote
the average girl, speaking in broad generalisations, is inexplicably attracted to balanced, confident, happy men

lol

I know that it's a waste of time trying to discuss this when all you do is definitely-not-in-a-snide-way quote a bit that you have anecdotal evidence isn't universally true despite me caveating to exactly that effect, but just because you once knew a girl who was a complete nightmare, or because you get your evidence on what women are attracted to by watching domestic violence calls on Cops, doesn't mean that being balanced, confident and happy isn't a better dating strategy than immersing yourself in bitterness and self-loathing.

Edit: spelling and fuck this keyboard

Perhaps he's just reacting to how you wrote it.. Seemed like you were saying guys needed to be uber sensitive or something, or that you have to cover up your meaner side for years. Heh.. I don't know anyone who needs that. Guys or girls. But also, I know it can go downhill if you pick the wrong time to be insensitive, even jokingly. That's would be the definition of selfish... ugh, something I admit to having my own bad luck with. Luck is not the word. Umm, fuck up more like.  :grin:

Not sure what I'm saying.. umm.. well placed sensitivity goes a long way, I guess. Not doing so will inevitably result in fail. Otherwise, it's ok to be yourself.

[edit] I'm beginning to hate that smiley.. It's too damn cheeky.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 07, 2010, 07:40:39 PM
Cats are the answer.  Cats are always the answer. (http://www.iheartpaws.com/forums/images/smilies/kitten2.gif)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 07, 2010, 07:42:04 PM
It's true, find a single girl who has a bunch of pets and impress her if you're desperate for a relationship that only you can screw up.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: dusematic on January 07, 2010, 08:53:51 PM
I do love me a cynical, jaded at everything woman, though. We can commiserate and take heart that people suck! I think they have a name for that type of woman... is it British?

Not british, fat.

lol


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 07, 2010, 09:02:52 PM
Yeah, "No one will ever love me because something is wrong with me," is often a self-fulfilling thing.
Everyone has something wrong with them.  Luckily for some of us we have identified it ;-)  Sadly it ended my last relationship but at least we get to deal with it so we can hopefully not end the next (whenever I get around to caring about that) with it.

Sure, everyone has something wrong with them. I can rattle off plenty of things wrong with me! But only when I am in my deepest periods of despair do I think that makes me unlovable. And I am pretty sure I am not attractive at all when I am having one of those episodes.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 07, 2010, 09:12:20 PM
But only when I am in my deepest periods of despair do I think that makes me unlovable.
Some people have issues that make it really really hard to love them ;-)  And no, I doubt most people are attractive when sitting around wallowing in despair over how no one will ever love them.  I know a girl who is like that... and it's just not pleasant to be around.  Ever.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on January 07, 2010, 11:08:03 PM
TLDR

Holy fucking shit, good thing I was too busy sucking at poker and working to jump back on this one.

But Lorekeeper...stay out of the clubs, they're not going to help. I know it sucks and is a pain in the ass, but you've just got to put yourself out there and meet some different people. If you're not comfortable with the clubs or whatever, you're setting yourself up for failure - women are going to pick up on the discomfort and lack of confidence (as much as I HATE the cliche), and you'll get nowhere in all likelihood.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 07, 2010, 11:48:46 PM
I sure got a snort out of schilds bold declaration that love is love that was preceded by his condemnation of generalizations  :uhrr:

Love can mean any number of psychological and even physiological phenomena. Love and I will use it in the sense of "consuming passion" variety can be easy, then again there are people who are entirely incapable of experiencing it. The type of "love" that tends to be easy (and we all know people who are constantly in "love") is really about them being extremely emotionally dependent on another. They have a gap that must be filled and so they fill it. Whether you want define that experience as "love" is up to you, but what is certain is that its not the same as the previous type. But what we can be certain of is that anyone who makes such broad generalizations about "love" simply does not know what the fuck they are talking about.





Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 08, 2010, 12:55:03 AM
People who simply need gaps to be filled aren't exactly loving you.. I mean, the whole thing with love is that "love", as in the verb, as in the action of giving affection to another person or thing.. isn't some sort of behavior meant target back at their own personal needs. Loving someone implicitly states that you're directing outward. If anything, they want to make the object of their affection feel even better.. they want to make their lives filled.. not necessarily the other way around.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 08, 2010, 01:52:23 AM
'Love' is a myth.  It's a chemical floating in your dome tricking you.  That simple.  Darwin.  The end.

It's okay to hate people.  Most of us hate you, anyway.

(http://dl.dropbox.com/u/963220/darth-vader.jpg)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 08, 2010, 02:51:42 AM
Whoah, stray. I certainly wasn't saying "be sensitive". I admit you need a good sense of timing for when to make a joke about her dying grandmother, but the rom-com version of "sensitivity"? Nah. Whatever she might say, the first time she sees you crying something will change.

No, I was just saying to lorekeep that his persona of distrusting bitterness will lose out to the guy with the confident and happy attitude for the majority of sane potential partners. Even among goths...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 08, 2010, 02:59:11 AM
Fair enough :)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 08, 2010, 03:17:20 AM
'Love' is a myth.  It's a chemical floating in your dome tricking you.  That simple.  Darwin.  The end.

Erm, so what you're saying is that love is a "myth".  An invented story, idea or thing with no provable basis in fact.  But that it is also a measurable and observable series of electro-chemical exchanges occuring primarily in the limbic cortex, where neural responses in the amygdala stimulate increasingly addictive pleasure-reward responses in the nucleus accumbens while provoking cardiovascular reactions through the cingulate gyrus and the hypothalamus?

I think you have to choose one, really.

Also, I wish that we had a philosophy thread here, where it was possible to discuss things like the idea that one's own brain can meaningfully "trick" oneself, other than on the facile level interpretation of sensory data.  Preferably in the form of a proper Symposium with drink and dancing girls.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 08, 2010, 04:57:53 AM
Apparently all emotions are myths because they correlate to physiological changes.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 08, 2010, 05:06:56 AM
Apparently all emotions are myths because they correlate to physiological changes.

Ah, kinda like the Medusa.  I wish he'd explained that.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 08, 2010, 05:27:01 AM
Trying to define love in a vacuum is kind of pointless. I guess it has some definitions.. But objectifying it too much on it's own gives an excuse to get carried away with explanations about hormones and chemistry, as if love is some thing itself that needs to be examined (and in turn, disspelled). I think it's better defined by specific people. It's a relationship, just like any other. And relationships aren't "mythical". They actually exist. Some you are born into. Some are built into friendships. Some into lovers. But they exist for a ton of reasons, be it social factors, intellectual, behavioral, physical, genetic, philosophical, etc, etc. All the dynamics that make some people click. It's not merely "chemical". Not sure what Darwin has to do with anything either. Darwin would tell you to survive, multiply, and not be such a self defeatist dipshit.

"True love" may be a myth, since you can probably be compatible with many people.. if you're lucky enough to find them.

[edit] Not even sure why I addressed that. He's got to be joking.

[edit] On second thought, Darwin married his cousin. Probably not doing himself any favors there.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 08, 2010, 08:48:04 AM
Stray, I totally agree with you that asserting that love is a purely chemical phenomenon is facile.  It smacks of the deterministic, mechanistic world-view of the 18th and 19th centuries that gave us the blind watchmaker view of the universe, and which disappeared in the first decades of the 20th century.  Darwin was an integral and important part of that post-enlightenment world, and we cannot criticise him for not anticipating what was to come sixty years later.

Obviously, I'm not saying that we cannot detect chemical changes in someonebody who is in love: enhanced seratonin levels, hormonal changes and so on.  But the ability to observe and describe is not the same as being able to predict or even, sometimes, fully understand.

As the geneticist and evolutionary biologist JBS Haldane said: "Now my own suspicion is that the Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: KallDrexx on January 08, 2010, 08:51:35 AM
Asserting that love is nothing but chemical responses will net the same response as telling people that the mind and a soul don't actually exist.

It might be true, it might not be.  Either way though, good luck convincing people one way or another and all it does is cause heated arguments that never get resolved.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sir T on January 08, 2010, 09:32:49 AM
Love does not consist of gazing at one another, but looking in the same direction.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 08, 2010, 09:36:24 AM
Love does not consist of gazing at one another, but looking in the same direction.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Eugh.  Seriously.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on January 08, 2010, 09:36:36 AM
God damn you people are jaded and grumpy.

I'm proposing to my girlfriend next week.  Yes I love her.   :heart:

Cheers.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Thrawn on January 08, 2010, 09:40:20 AM
God damn you people are jaded and grumpy.

Marriage will do that.  :awesome_for_real:

I've been married for going on 5 years now and my wife and I are still very happy together.

However we have a lot more rough spots then I would of expected, I don't really think anyone should get married until they've lived together for at least a year.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 08, 2010, 09:44:44 AM
God damn you people are jaded and grumpy.

I'm proposing to my girlfriend next week.  Yes I love her.   :heart:

Cheers.

Not even slightly: I'm apparently one of the few people in this thread who is happily in love, married, secure in the life-long nature of that commitment and looking back on many years of fun, enjoyable relationships which I don't regret a minute of.

But that quote was the sort of thing I'd expect to see in in terrible greetings cards or being forwarded in 1990s email chains.

Anyway, best of luck and I'm very happy for you.  So long as she says yes, at least.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on January 08, 2010, 09:54:35 AM
I'm 100% confident she will.  Thanks.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sir T on January 08, 2010, 10:07:30 AM
Eugh.  Seriously.

"Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beutiful girl and discovering she looks like a haddock."

John Barrymore.

Better?  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Grimwell on January 08, 2010, 01:10:22 PM
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is - just be happy. You don't have to date, you don't have to be in relationships and despite what your parents might tell you - you don't have to hurry up and make grandkids. Once I realized I don't have to be in a relationship to be happy, and started realizing all the negative shit that comes out of relationships, waking up in the morning became a lot easier.

This. Until you can be happy alone, you can not be happy with someone else.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 08, 2010, 01:21:14 PM
This. Until you can be happy alone, you can not be happy with someone else.

What the fuck?  Has this become the inane Hallmark thread?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 08, 2010, 01:21:51 PM
Apparently all emotions are myths because they correlate to physiological changes.

Quote from: Screwtape
You will notice that we have got them completely fogged about the meaning of the word "real"'. They tell each other, of some great spiritual experience, "All that really happened was that you heard some music in a lighted building"; here "Real" means the bare physical facts, separated from the other elements in the experience they actually had. On the other hand, they will also say "It's all very well discussing that high dive as you sit here in an armchair, but wait till you get up there and see what it's really like": here "real" is being used in the opposite sense to mean, not the physical facts (which they know already while discussing the matter in armchairs) but the emotional effect those facts will have on a human consciousness. Either application of the word could be defended; but our business is to keep the two going at once so that the emotional value of the word "real" can be placed now on one side of the account, now on the other, as it happens to suit us. The general rule which we have now pretty well established among them is that in all experiences which can make them happier or better only the physical facts are "Real" while the spiritual elements are "subjective"; in all experiences which can discourage or corrupt them the spiritual elements are the main reality and to ignore them is to be an escapist. Thus in birth the blood and pain are "real", the rejoicing a mere subjective point of view; in death, the terror and ugliness reveal what death "really means". The hatefulness of a hated person is "real"—in hatred you see men as they are, you are disillusioned; but the loveliness of a loved person is merely a subjective haze concealing a "real" core of sexual appetite or economic association. Wars and poverty are "really" horrible; peace and plenty are mere physical facts about which men happen to have certain sentiments. The creatures are always accusing one another of wanting "to cat the cake and have it"; but thanks to our labours they are more often in the predicament of paying for the cake and not eating it. Your patient, properly handled, will have no difficulty in regarding his emotion at the sight of human entrails as a revelation of Reality and his emotion at the sight of happy children or fair weather as mere sentiment.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Grimwell on January 08, 2010, 01:23:56 PM
This. Until you can be happy alone, you can not be happy with someone else.

What the fuck?  Has this become the inane Hallmark thread?
Nope. You can rub your stinky internet vag with a chainsaw for all I care.

What I said is the truth as far as I am concerned. If you can't find a way to be happy alone, your relationships are going to be codependent emo filled crutches of shit that prop you up so you can ignore the empty well inside your life that being alone makes you aware of.

If you think it would make a pretty card, knock yourself out.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 08, 2010, 01:24:33 PM
Of course love is a chemical process. Fucking everything is a chemical process, including being bitter and telling people they're not REALLY experiencing anything real.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 08, 2010, 01:28:02 PM
This. Until you can be happy alone, you can not be happy with someone else.

What the fuck?  Has this become the inane Hallmark thread?
Nope. You can rub your stinky internet vag with a chainsaw for all I care.

What I said is the truth as far as I am concerned. If you can't find a way to be happy alone, your relationships are going to be codependent emo filled crutches of shit that prop you up so you can ignore the empty well inside your life that being alone makes you aware of.

If you think it would make a pretty card, knock yourself out.

Calm down.  You can post your homespun wisdom as much as you like.  It just isn't true.  But that certainly is a very well-thought-out argument about "stinky internet vags".  It's certainly revealing.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 08, 2010, 01:28:25 PM
We COULD start a successful line of cynical greeting cards with the insights delivered in this thread.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 08, 2010, 01:32:38 PM
And, Grimwell, since my "aunt" (the sort you grow up calling aunt without being related to) was deeply unhappy for years, met her husband and blossomed into a lovely, outgoing, relaxed woman you'll have to restrict your epigram to "some people only learn to be happy in relationships after they come to terms with aspects of themselves, whereas some are just waiting for the right person to come along to undergo a striking metamorphosis. Which are only two of a multitude of possibilities."  Which is cool.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Yoru on January 08, 2010, 02:48:05 PM
We COULD start a successful line of cynical greeting cards with the insights delivered in this thread.

someemocards.f13.net


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 08, 2010, 03:56:34 PM
Someone else's hurf blurf

How lovely, and utterly fucking irrelevant to the discussion. Have anything of value to contribute that isn't plagiarized? Or perhaps something that directly applies to the topic at hand?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 08, 2010, 03:59:43 PM
Someone else's hurf blurf

How lovely, and utterly fucking irrelevant to the discussion. Have anything of value to contribute that isn't plagiarized? Or perhaps something that directly applies to the topic at hand?

...plagiarized? You do know what that word means right?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 08, 2010, 04:15:13 PM
I'm so confused.   :ye_gods:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 08, 2010, 04:15:25 PM
Apparently not!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 08, 2010, 04:21:24 PM
'Love' is a myth.  It's a chemical floating in your dome tricking you.  That simple.  Darwin.  The end.

Erm, so what you're saying is that love is a "myth".  An invented story, idea or thing with no provable basis in fact.  But that it is also a measurable and observable series of electro-chemical exchanges occuring primarily in the limbic cortex, where neural responses in the amygdala stimulate increasingly addictive pleasure-reward responses in the nucleus accumbens while provoking cardiovascular reactions through the cingulate gyrus and the hypothalamus?

I think you have to choose one, really.

Also, I wish that we had a philosophy thread here, where it was possible to discuss things like the idea that one's own brain can meaningfully "trick" oneself, other than on the facile level interpretation of sensory data.  Preferably in the form of a proper Symposium with drink and dancing girls.

Myth was a bad choice of words.   :sad:

Trying to define love in a vacuum is kind of pointless. I guess it has some definitions.. But objectifying it too much on it's own gives an excuse to get carried away with explanations about hormones and chemistry, as if love is some thing itself that needs to be examined (and in turn, disspelled). I think it's better defined by specific people. It's a relationship, just like any other. And relationships aren't "mythical". They actually exist. Some you are born into. Some are built into friendships. Some into lovers. But they exist for a ton of reasons, be it social factors, intellectual, behavioral, physical, genetic, philosophical, etc, etc. All the dynamics that make some people click. It's not merely "chemical". Not sure what Darwin has to do with anything either. Darwin would tell you to survive, multiply, and not be such a self defeatist dipshit.

"True love" may be a myth, since you can probably be compatible with many people.. if you're lucky enough to find them.

[edit] Not even sure why I addressed that. He's got to be joking.

[edit] On second thought, Darwin married his cousin. Probably not doing himself any favors there.

I'm totally not joking.  I think dispelling the idea of love, whatever you believe it is or isn't, makes way for meaningful relationships that people can define for themselves.  And I'm glad you recognize that relationships are real.  Of course they are.  But do you need to be in love in order to have a relationship?  I'm not trying to say I necessarily care if you think you're in love or not.  The world, and my mechanistic view, needs you to think you are in order to propagate our species long enough to prove love doesn't exist - as you can see below.  I'm sure as hell not going to propagate it.  I hate people, especially children.  All I'm trying to say is that it would be nice if we developed as a society to the point where we aren't shoving love up each other's asses.  If people didn't do that, I might not need to hate them.  That is totally not pointless.

Stray, I totally agree with you that asserting that love is a purely chemical phenomenon is facile.  It smacks of the deterministic, mechanistic world-view of the 18th and 19th centuries that gave us the blind watchmaker view of the universe, and which disappeared in the first decades of the 20th century.  Darwin was an integral and important part of that post-enlightenment world, and we cannot criticise him for not anticipating what was to come sixty years later.

Obviously, I'm not saying that we cannot detect chemical changes in someonebody who is in love: enhanced seratonin levels, hormonal changes and so on.  But the ability to observe and describe is not the same as being able to predict or even, sometimes, fully understand.

As the geneticist and evolutionary biologist JBS Haldane said: "Now my own suspicion is that the Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose."

Let me understand you correctly.  You're saying we're beyond the simplistic explanation Darwin provided?  We now understand that there may be forces at work beyond our knowledge?  Wut?  It seemed like what you did there was chide the scientific observations you made in your previous post, then offered only "God is maybe Love."  Really?  Totally not trying to be a dick, but if there's something other than that, you're going to have to explain it to me.

Maybe love is one of those things that's queerer than we can suppose.  You might be right.  It sure seems queer to me.  I'll give you that.  But until you ARE right, I'm gonna stick with my mechanistic (not necessarily deterministic) views.  Love is a chemical that engenders a social framework for necessary procreation.  That victory doesn't feel facile.  In fact it feels fucking liberating, if you ask me.  Like I just spit the bit, and threw the yoke of social, and biochemical oppression.  Yay me.  Maybe mother fuckers were doing that in the 18th and 19th century, but it took me until I was 30.  I'm not really ashamed.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 08, 2010, 04:29:14 PM
Well, if you see the usefulness of relationships, then I can't argue with you. It's not really important to me how they are defined exactly. Whether a "strong bond" or whatever is "love" or the result of behind-the-scenes chemical reactions, the usefulness is still there either way. You say tomato, I say tomat-Ah-o..? Something like that.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 08, 2010, 04:33:44 PM
Love is not just an emotional response, furthermore out of the number of people I have fucked or wanted to fuck I have "loved" an insignificant number of them. So obviously love is not required to propagate the species (In fact the modern concept of romantic love would have the opposite effect). All of these things seem to shit on your hypothesis.

Love in its modern context is counter intuitive to instinctual wiring, namely fucking everything that catches your eye. Lust alone is all that is required to propagate a species. The modern incarnation of romantic love is one of social convention not genetic hard coding. A vast majority of what you feel and are is emotional/mental trickery so when someone emphasizes one aspect of their being as more illusionary it is pretty telling about the person. Why do you place particular note on the illusionary nature of "love". Your entire being is equally as false.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Rasix on January 08, 2010, 04:52:29 PM
Love is not just an emotional response, furthermore out of the number of people I have fucked or wanted to fuck I have "loved" an insignificant number of them. So obviously love is not required to propagate the species (In fact the modern concept of romantic love would have the opposite effect). All of these things seem to shit on your hypothesis.

Survival of the species doesn't end with your ejaculate finding an egg.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Grimwell on January 08, 2010, 05:01:55 PM
And, Grimwell, since my "aunt" (the sort you grow up calling aunt without being related to) was deeply unhappy for years, met her husband and blossomed into a lovely, outgoing, relaxed woman you'll have to restrict your epigram to "some people only learn to be happy in relationships after they come to terms with aspects of themselves, whereas some are just waiting for the right person to come along to undergo a striking metamorphosis. Which are only two of a multitude of possibilities."  Which is cool.
Either that your your aunt is codependent and has esteem issues.

Oh wait, I mentioned something about that didn't I?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 08, 2010, 05:03:43 PM
Fuck it. If it happens it happens. I'll be over here having fun in the meantime.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 08, 2010, 05:27:24 PM
Fuck it. If it happens it happens. I'll be over here having fun in the meantime.

No you won't.  Fun is just a chemical response in the brain to a stimulus.  You're not really having fun.  There is no spoon. We ARE the Matrix.

 :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 08, 2010, 05:29:24 PM
Survival of the species doesn't end with your ejaculate finding an egg.

Its also not predicated on "romantic love", very few animals are monogamous. And based on human instinctual wiring I would venture the guess that human males aren't one of them by nature.

Grimwell, the psychological need for human companionship is well documented. We need interaction to remain "healthy", its very misguided to believe a human has to be complete as an individual. But I do understand and agree in the context of exceptionally broken individuals who seek out others to fill the gap. But humans inherently require social interaction.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 08, 2010, 05:34:11 PM
By nature, humans also don't do everything according to nature either.   :oh_i_see: There's that little thing called free will, making choices in life. My dick doesn't think for me. It's merely one option among many.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 08, 2010, 05:36:14 PM
Someone else's hurf blurf

How lovely, and utterly fucking irrelevant to the discussion. Have anything of value to contribute that isn't plagiarized? Or perhaps something that directly applies to the topic at hand?

Plagiarism would be if I'd paraphrased Lewis and pretended it was mine.  I also didn't think I could say it any better.   :awesome_for_real:

I'm guessing you didn't read the quote, since you (a) think it was somehow irrelevant and (b) seem to think I was disagreeing with you.

I can try paraphrasing if you like, though.  The "love isn't real because it's all chemicals" is dumb, as you and Ingmar pointed out, because everything is all chemicals if you want to look at it that way.  The point that Lewis made, which I think is both interesting and true, is that many people will disdain love as being "imaginary" on those grounds, and live their lives accordingly, but few apply that same reasoning to, say, hate or anger.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 08, 2010, 05:44:32 PM
Plagiarize.. lol

He clearly attributed the quote to "Screwtape"  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 08, 2010, 05:51:21 PM
By nature, humans also don't do everything according to nature either.   :oh_i_see: There's that little thing called free will, making choices in life. My dick doesn't think for me. It's merely one option among many.

Yeah, lets not do that.  :awesome_for_real:

Sorry I misconstrued your intent/quote samwise. I wasn't certain of the point and am familiar with CS lewis perspective on "romantic love" which generally is not that favorable.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Grimwell on January 08, 2010, 05:56:08 PM
Grimwell, the psychological need for human companionship is well documented. We need interaction to remain "healthy", its very misguided to believe a human has to be complete as an individual. But I do understand and agree in the context of exceptionally broken individuals who seek out others to fill the gap. But humans inherently require social interaction.
You know, trolling is a lot more fun when people respond emotionally instead of logically. Where are your damned personal anecdotes to refute me???? :)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 08, 2010, 05:56:51 PM
Stray, I totally agree with you that asserting that love is a purely chemical phenomenon is facile.  It smacks of the deterministic, mechanistic world-view of the 18th and 19th centuries that gave us the blind watchmaker view of the universe, and which disappeared in the first decades of the 20th century.  Darwin was an integral and important part of that post-enlightenment world, and we cannot criticise him for not anticipating what was to come sixty years later.

Obviously, I'm not saying that we cannot detect chemical changes in someonebody who is in love: enhanced seratonin levels, hormonal changes and so on.  But the ability to observe and describe is not the same as being able to predict or even, sometimes, fully understand.

As the geneticist and evolutionary biologist JBS Haldane said: "Now my own suspicion is that the Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose."

Let me understand you correctly.  You're saying we're beyond the simplistic explanation Darwin provided?  We now understand that there may be forces at work beyond our knowledge?  Wut?  It seemed like what you did there was chide the scientific observations you made in your previous post, then offered only "God is maybe Love."  Really?  Totally not trying to be a dick, but if there's something other than that, you're going to have to explain it to me.

Maybe love is one of those things that's queerer than we can suppose.  You might be right.  It sure seems queer to me.  I'll give you that.  But until you ARE right, I'm gonna stick with my mechanistic (not necessarily deterministic) views.  Love is a chemical that engenders a social framework for necessary procreation.  That victory doesn't feel facile.  In fact it feels fucking liberating, if you ask me.  Like I just spit the bit, and threw the yoke of social, and biochemical oppression.  Yay me.  Maybe mother fuckers were doing that in the 18th and 19th century, but it took me until I was 30.  I'm not really ashamed.

Um, I didn't mention God.  I was talking about non-deterministic world-views.  Not some hippy shit based around crystals and auras.  I started into a long discussion of the philosophy of science, Foucault, Feynmann, quantum mechanics and the rest but that's a terrible derail. Basically, in the simplest and least provocative terms, the idea of the blind-watchmaker view of the universe - the deterministic view that would say that we can look at the state of someone's brain, look at all the circumstances surrounding it and, with the right model, predict what will happen in it the next day (or even second) was thrown away the best part of a century ago.

I'm certainy not talkinhg about Darwin's description of evolution or anything like that.  

Either that your your aunt is codependent and has esteem issues.

Wut?  That was a bit of a wild stab in the dark.  Anyway nope.  If anything I'd say she had and has a bit too much confidence and self-esteem.  Try again.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 08, 2010, 05:58:48 PM
Grimwell, the psychological need for human companionship is well documented. We need interaction to remain "healthy", its very misguided to believe a human has to be complete as an individual. But I do understand and agree in the context of exceptionally broken individuals who seek out others to fill the gap. But humans inherently require social interaction.
You know, trolling is a lot more fun when people respond emotionally instead of logically. Where are your damned personal anecdotes to refute me???? :)

lolol guyz i was trolling i am da puppetmaster.

If you state a universal maxim then a single evidential counter-point is sufficient to defeat that maxim.  Your only hope is to attack the person statingthat point (which you tried) or mock them (which you tried).


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Grimwell on January 08, 2010, 06:28:18 PM
If you state a universal maxim then a single evidential counter-point is sufficient to defeat that maxim.  Your only hope is to attack the person statingthat point (which you tried) or mock them (which you tried).
Your mom is a bitch. I can't get her to shut her trap while I'm sticking it to your dad.

Like that?  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NiX on January 08, 2010, 06:43:16 PM
Survival of the species doesn't end with your ejaculate finding an egg.

I should stop jizzing on supermarket eggs then.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on January 08, 2010, 06:55:01 PM
I don't have anything relevant to add to this discussion. I just wanted to say I approve of Stray's new avatar. :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 08, 2010, 07:05:33 PM
Um, I didn't mention God.  I was talking about non-deterministic world-views.  Not some hippy shit based around crystals and auras.  I started into a long discussion of the philosophy of science, Foucault, Feynmann, quantum mechanics and the rest but that's a terrible derail. Basically, in the simplest and least provocative terms, the idea of the blind-watchmaker view of the universe - the deterministic view that would say that we can look at the state of someone's brain, look at all the circumstances surrounding it and, with the right model, predict what will happen in it the next day (or even second) was thrown away the best part of a century ago.

I'm certainy not talkinhg about Darwin's description of evolution or anything like that.  

Hm.  Okay.  I'm not really interested in the predictions one can make.  Nor am I interested in whether the watchmaker is blind, or even there at all.  Ok, I'd be interested if he was tap-dancing naked in my living room.  I also don't think that would be a terrible derail.  While it's definitely still a science in it's infancy, it would also be interesting to watch what Epigenetics offers to this discussion.

Anyway, all I'm worried about is the false conclusions we as a collective society draw based on our antiquated notion of love.  It's way more antiquated than Dawkins.  Like, by a lot.  It's the reason these poor guys in this thread (and a few others) pour their hearts out, and profess to have tried everything to fit into their own interpretations of love.  I'm just trying to convey the message that it's actually crap.  Their unhappiness is their own fault, not someone else's.  They're projecting their own desires on people who have no hope of fulfilling them, even if they wanted too.  Of course, most of them don't want too - the good ones at least.  The smart ones take one sniff of that mess and run like hell, as they themselves would too if they weren't being overrun by the misfiring synapses, and chemicals in their brains every time they got within reach of the opposite sex.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 08, 2010, 07:09:21 PM
Musashi the "blind watchmaker" is just a convenient, widely-used description of that deterministic model

Other than that we're a lot more in agreement than I thought.  Especially in your second paragraph.
 
If you state a universal maxim then a single evidential counter-point is sufficient to defeat that maxim.  Your only hope is to attack the person statingthat point (which you tried) or mock them (which you tried).
Your mom is a bitch. I can't get her to shut her trap while I'm sticking it to your dad.

Like that?  :why_so_serious:

Hush.   The grown-ups are talking.  You'll get plenty of attention later.

Edit: I'm quite serious.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 08, 2010, 07:11:13 PM
I don't have anything relevant to add to this discussion. I just wanted to say I approve of Stray's new avatar. :awesome_for_real:


Heh I was tempted to go Rodin from Bayonetta.  :awesome_for_real: Chock full of one liners.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 08, 2010, 07:18:45 PM
blurf

What the fuck are you talking about?! The entire concept of "romantic love" exists as a social convention. Thats what it is, you can disagree with the convention but calling it "false" because it is in fact a convention is dumb. One can love outside of the constraints of total life long monogamy and nobody in this thread has asserted otherwise. But to say something is "false" because you personally have no fucking clue or experience about the subject is stupid. People can in fact have lifelong romantic relationships. It occurs and it tends to be the western cultural ideal. Whether you personally can attain the ideal has no bearing on the validity of the experience itself...at all.

This thread is like watching virgins talk about fucking.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MahrinSkel on January 08, 2010, 08:23:28 PM
Notice how all the *actual* step-parents are keeping their mouths shut?  Yeah, that's because it's exactly like virgins talking about fucking, even if there's a non-virgin in the room, they might as well explain "blue" to the blind man.

If you don't believe in love as a transcendent emotion that defies logic, then there's *no* rational reason to date a single mother that doesn't verge into Grimm's Fairy Tales or Pedobear territory.  Love makes you stupid, but it's more fun that way.

--Dave


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: slog on January 08, 2010, 08:51:27 PM
Notice how all the *actual* step-parents are keeping their mouths shut?  Yeah, that's because it's exactly like virgins talking about fucking, even if there's a non-virgin in the room, they might as well explain "blue" to the blind man.

If you don't believe in love as a transcendent emotion that defies logic, then there's *no* rational reason to date a single mother that doesn't verge into Grimm's Fairy Tales or Pedobear territory.  Love makes you stupid, but it's more fun that way.

--Dave

Sorry I wasn't paying attention and I didn't really read the thread.

I married my wife back in 1999 after dating for a few years.  I adopted her son and daughter a few years after we got married.  Both kids have now moved out, and I have 2 grand-kids.  Unfortunately, our daughter is Bi-polar so we have been raising our granddaughter since she really isn't capable. 

What did you want to know?



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 08, 2010, 09:01:36 PM
I like how both of you are just making my point.

Don't fuck around with mothers. You're either in it to win it or you're an asshole.

Good talk though.

     :brickface:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MahrinSkel on January 08, 2010, 09:02:12 PM
Sorry I wasn't paying attention and I didn't really read the thread.

I married my wife back in 1999 after dating for a few years.  I adopted her son and daughter a few years after we got married.  Both kids have now moved out, and I have 2 grand-kids.  Unfortunately, our daughter is Bi-polar so we have been raising our granddaughter since she really isn't capable. 

What did you want to know?
Nothing in particular (have two step-sons of my own, as well as my daughter from my first marriage).  I will throw something into the mix: Once you hit your thirties, you either keep dating 20-somethings (which will become increasingly difficult and pathetic), or you accept that women your age fall into three broad categories: Those that have children; Those that don't and find the ticking of their biological clock has become a deafening roar, driving out all rational thought, or; Those that do not want or cannot have children (not a problem if you don't either, big problem if you do).

Nobody makes it to 35 without baggage.  Sometimes that baggage talks back.  Deal with it.

--Dave


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 08, 2010, 09:10:42 PM
Quote
Nobody makes it to 35 without baggage.

Six years to go, taking bets.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: slog on January 08, 2010, 09:13:40 PM
I like how both of you are just making my point.

Don't fuck around with mothers. You're either in it to win it or you're an asshole.

Good talk though.

     :brickface:


In my early 20s  I wouldn't even have considered dating a woman with a kid.  Eventually I figured out that the "rules" of relationships were all just bullshit that were just holding me back.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 08, 2010, 09:17:05 PM
What does rules have to do with a kid? Some people just don't want to deal with someone elses spawn.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 08, 2010, 10:07:00 PM
If you don't believe in love as a transcendent emotion that defies logic, then there's *no* rational reason to date a single mother that doesn't verge into Grimm's Fairy Tales or Pedobear territory.  Love makes you stupid, but it's more fun that way.

--Dave

Complete nonsense, you don't have to believe in fairy magic love to rationally justify a relationship with someone who has a child. But as younger male with "options" it seems a limiting choice. Its similar to why I would avoid a relationship with someone who has a terminal illness or some other giant burden. Im sure I can fall in love with an obese woman if I was really inclined to entertain the notion. But why would I at this stage in my life.

If you are older and winding down seeking stability whose romantic options are limited its perfectly rational to do so. Or say you instantly fall deeply in love with someone with a child (I suppose it could happen) that is also rational.  But before any bond is created it should be a giant red flag.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 08, 2010, 10:42:20 PM
blurf

What the fuck are you talking about?! The entire concept of "romantic love" exists as a social convention. Thats what it is, you can disagree with the convention but calling it "false" because it is in fact a convention is dumb. One can love outside of the constraints of total life long monogamy and nobody in this thread has asserted otherwise. But to say something is "false" because you personally have no fucking clue or experience about the subject is stupid. People can in fact have lifelong romantic relationships. It occurs and it tends to be the western cultural ideal. Whether you personally can attain the ideal has no bearing on the validity of the experience itself...at all.

This thread is like watching virgins talk about fucking.

Oh. Hi. I'm pretty sure you don't know what us virgins are talking about.  If you can muster a thesis out of whatever you just wrote, I'll try to respond.  Otherwise, I'm just going to assume what I wrote hit a little too close to home for your personal comfort.  It's okay, man.  Soldier on. Other fish in the sea, etc.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 08, 2010, 10:49:12 PM
Yes, your brilliant assertion that "romantic love" being a product of cultural,physiological and psychological factors makes it mythic in nature was too high brow for me to follow.

Love is not a myth just because you have never seen a vagina.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 08, 2010, 10:56:46 PM

Myth was a bad choice of words.   :sad:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on January 08, 2010, 11:23:05 PM
Quote
Nobody makes it to 35 without baggage.

Six years to go, taking bets.



Agreed, that's a pretty bad generalization. Hell, at this point, I'd probably make it to 35 without a marriage.

Either that, or I'll fall into a common job cliche and marry some local at my first overseas post.  :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 09, 2010, 01:34:18 AM
My point is that it's damn near impossible to find a quality, compatible mate for life.

Wut?  Is this most peoples' experience?  I'm not trolling or anything, but I'm an ugly, irascible son of a bitch and even my experience is completely the opposite of that.

This.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 09, 2010, 02:09:33 AM
Myth was a bad choice of words.   :sad:

Agreed it was extremely stupid. But the underlying logic is just as faulty. Romantic life long relationships are a cultural IDEAL, and like all ideals its representation in the meat world is a bit different than the simplified romance novel version. But just because love is a matter of psychology,culture and physiology does not denigrate or lessen the experience. Which regardless of your choice of words is exactly what you were trying to convey.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Triforcer on January 09, 2010, 03:45:51 AM
My point is that it's damn near impossible to find a quality, compatible mate for life.

Wut?  Is this most peoples' experience?  I'm not trolling or anything, but I'm an ugly, irascible son of a bitch and even my experience is completely the opposite of that.

This.

Yeah, this.  Many posting in this thread falls into one of three categories-

(1)  Asexual or pretty close to it, and engaging in standard F13 cynic-emo-goth schtick.

(2)  Had a rough relationship/marriage and cynical because of that.  

(3)  Cheated on their significant other (or someone they like cheated on a significant other), so trying to say that long-term relationships can't exist scientifically and our genes say that we must be promiscuous etc. etc.- ergo, what happened wasn't morally blameworthy at all! 

All three categories are not exactly great to take advice from.  Some relationships work and are real and lasting and genuine and happy, some aren't.  Ignore the doomsayers who predict 100% failure and misery.  


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: slog on January 09, 2010, 07:00:35 AM
What does rules have to do with a kid? Some people just don't want to deal with someone elses spawn.

I was just referring to self imposed limits.


I can completely understand not wanting to raise someone else's kids.  It can be an extremely difficult road to travel.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 09, 2010, 08:28:24 AM
My point is that it's damn near impossible to find a quality, compatible mate for life.

Wut?  Is this most peoples' experience?  I'm not trolling or anything, but I'm an ugly, irascible son of a bitch and even my experience is completely the opposite of that.

This.

Yeah, this.  Many posting in this thread falls into one of three categories-

(1)  Asexual or pretty close to it, and engaging in standard F13 cynic-emo-goth schtick.

(2)  Had a rough relationship/marriage and cynical because of that.  

(3)  Cheated on their significant other (or someone they like cheated on a significant other), so trying to say that long-term relationships can't exist scientifically and our genes say that we must be promiscuous etc. etc.- ergo, what happened wasn't morally blameworthy at all!

All three categories are not exactly great to take advice from.  Some relationships work and are real and lasting and genuine and happy, some aren't.  Ignore the doomsayers who predict 100% failure and misery.  
(4) Assumptive jackasses.

So, which one of those 3 do I fall into, ye olde gaijin?

Seriously though, for how bad this thread could've turned out, I expected much worse than what we got. This is the internet, you have to expect a certain quotient of "HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?" posts in any thread about dating.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 09, 2010, 09:37:39 AM
I don't see anything wrong with not having been married by the time you're 35.  Or 45.  Or ever.  It doesn't mean you can't have good relationships that involve sex - even long term.  I know quite a few people (mostly men) who do just this and are very happy about it.  In fact, I know several (mostly men) who flit from one short term affair to another and very much enjoy that sort of thing and wouldn't have it any other way.  A few of them even have kids because they wanted some but didn't want a long term relationship.  Not that it's a good idea if you fool the other person into thinking you do but c'est la vie.   

As for Schild - I don't know exactly what "category" he's in, since now we have categories.  From everything he's said to me, and around F13, he seems to have chosen not to have a significant relationship with a woman for whatever reason.  It's a nice thing when you decide something and it works out for you, no?  I don't know what category I'm in, either, but I want to know.  (I'm not being snarky or anything, by the way)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 09, 2010, 09:47:29 AM
All three categories are not exactly great to take advice from.  Some relationships work and are real and lasting and genuine and happy, some aren't.  Ignore the doomsayers who predict 100% failure and misery.  

This thread is an interesting one, that's for sure.

Lorekeep - serious question regarding your Aspergers. Medically/clinically diagnosed or self-diagnosed?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Triforcer on January 09, 2010, 09:51:55 AM
Signe- I completely agree with all of that.

My minor quarrel with this thread is that people mostly aren't saying "I have had shitty luck, my relationships don't work."  Its more like "things didn't work for me, therefore love does not exist for anyone, anywhere, ever."  Its possible- just possible- that some people can be happy even if one poster isn't. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 09, 2010, 09:53:20 AM
The problem, dear Horatio, lies less in our relationships than in ourselves.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on January 09, 2010, 10:54:17 AM
On children I still have to agree with Schild.  Not everyone is cut-out to deal with kids and I would rather someone recognize this than think they can handle it and be a bad parent.  It's not a deal-breaker for me, however it would be a huge mitigating factor in whether the relationship could work.  At my age almost all of my old friends have kids now.  We don't speak the same language and our priorities are very different.  That is a huge hurdle in making a connection with someone.

My point is that it's damn near impossible to find a quality, compatible mate for life.
Wut?  Is this most peoples' experience?  I'm not trolling or anything, but I'm an ugly, irascible son of a bitch and even my experience is completely the opposite of that.
This.

All three categories are not exactly great to take advice from.  Some relationships work and are real and lasting and genuine and happy, some aren't.  Ignore the doomsayers who predict 100% failure and misery.  

It's not that I don't believe quality relationships can exist, it's that I believe you can't force luck into finding the right person.  For some they have the right personality traits and have an easier time.  Others just have crap luck.  Even those with some trait they would think is a deal-breaker, may find it simply not as big a deal as they think, or happened to have a good pool within which to draw where it didn't matter.

As the personal anecdote, keeping in mind I fall into Tri's (1) category, I've known dozens of people whom I could be happy with had circumstances been different.  But with them being in a happy relationship or not being gay or whatever reason, there was no basis for a romantic relationship.  Timing and luck are simply factors we cannot control for.  Because of that, some people are going to always draw the short stick.   I do think the internet and dating sites can help create opportunities, however they're not for everyone, and sometimes they still won't overcome chance.

Do what you can to increase your odds, but ultimately it happens or it doesn't.  For those it doesn't, and are interested in companionship, it is bound to make them a tad bit jaded and negative about people's prospects, especially their own.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 09, 2010, 11:44:29 AM
Watching my parents did a lot to cure me of thinking marriage was some sort of magical event that turns your life into a happy fantasy land.  My father made my mother very, very unhappy.  My sister used to beg her to leave him but she never would.  Sometimes I'm still surprised I'm actually married after seeing theirs at work.  When I was young, my only marriage plan was not to have one!

Sjofn seems to have a marriage very much like mine.    Geez.  We don't even argue except when one wants the other to make a decision about something.  Usually dinner.  :oh_i_see:   We don't raise our voices or anything, though.  Again, the only time we've been separated is due to his work (I totally get the going off on an airplane thing) or when he goes a long distance for a music gig.  And, of course, this last time due to a family tragedy.  I'm pretty sure this sort of "togetherness" would drive a lot of people insane but it suits us.

Most married people I know met in clubs, so I'm not getting why that's ruled out as a good place.  Maybe because a lot of my work before meeting Righ was club oriented.  I don't know.  Some of them worked and some didn't but I never got the impression that it had anything to do with where they met.  I also don't believe that you're limited to a certain type of person if you look for love in clubs.  Rave clubs, maybe, to a certain degree - but just normal clubs?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 09, 2010, 12:07:19 PM
My minor quarrel with this thread is that people mostly aren't saying "I have had shitty luck, my relationships don't work."  Its more like "things didn't work for me, therefore love does not exist for anyone, anywhere, ever."

Show me the quote that contains a statement like your second.  I know I didn't say anything of the sort.  My comment above, which has been twisted into something more cynical than I could ever even think, was meant to say "happy, healthy, and lasting relationships are the exception rather than the rule".  

I'm not a doomsayer.  I believe healthy relationships can be found and am optimistic that they exist for everyone.  I just believe that most relationships fail because the two people involved chose their mate poorly.  Many of these bad choices can be directly linked to an unrealistic set of expectations.  


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 09, 2010, 12:36:10 PM
Most married people I know met in clubs, so I'm not getting why that's ruled out as a good place.
Every time I went to clubs, it was obvious that most people were there purely to drink and have a good time.  Which is fine, but at closing time it became an obvious "I don't want to go home alone!" attitude from many people who were quite drunk and were making very poor decisions at the same time.  And of course I had to drive them home while they verbally abused me about how they were going home alone.  If you can meet in a club and make it work, but at the clubs I went to, people were not interested in me (had I even been looking) and there was rarely a "good time" to be had.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: patience on January 09, 2010, 01:08:19 PM
From my experience clubbing (at a techno pseudohip hop club) became filled with a lot more pretentious people as the average age group got older.

That's why I prefer mixing it up at more relaxed places like ballroom, swing dancing clubs.

The barrier there is your dancing skills and I can respect that. The increasing vapidness at the other clubs I mentioned I can't respect.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 09, 2010, 01:21:19 PM
Well, that's why I mentioned Rave type clubs as being different.  Of course, I'm not sure I can even remember the last club of any sort I went to for anything other than something work related.  Still, when I did, I met a lot of really nice people and saw a lot of them hook up and even stay hooked up.  Even hitched up! 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 09, 2010, 04:05:44 PM
Myth was a bad choice of words.   :sad:

Agreed it was extremely stupid. But the underlying logic is just as faulty. Romantic life long relationships are a cultural IDEAL, and like all ideals its representation in the meat world is a bit different than the simplified romance novel version. But just because love is a matter of psychology,culture and physiology does not denigrate or lessen the experience. Which regardless of your choice of words is exactly what you were trying to convey.

I'm pretty sure it's a norm, and not an ideal.  It may be your ideal, and well, that's cute.  But just because it's a norm doesn't mean it's got some inherent value other than in a Darwinian sense.  So grats, and thanks for trolling.

And in case anyone else is confused by my poor choice of words.  When I said love is a myth, I meant to say, "That late adolescent mating drive that we have all experienced - the one trying to convince us that 'love' is some kind of transcendent communion with the universe - is a total construct of scientifically measurable phenomenon."  I think the awareness of that is empowering.  It's a little bit unwieldy, and it would make the worlds shittiest wedding vow.  But you can't really argue with that (unless you're religious, and please don't go there).  However it's possible that in an alternate universe, you did fuck that cheerleader's brains out and live happily ever after, so keep hope alive.  Happy Endie?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 09, 2010, 04:48:43 PM
Hey dude, I only disagreed with you the once, a couple of pages back.

I think your view of love is jaded and I'm glad I don't feel like that.  Which is to say that I disagree.  But whatever floats your boat (or leaves it stranded on a reef, in this case).


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 09, 2010, 04:56:57 PM
Wasn't meant as an insult, more of a joke.  Just my cynical view in reference to the many worlds possibilities of quantum physics.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 09, 2010, 04:59:54 PM
Describing love as either "transcendence" or "construct" are both equally wankery. No one in a relationship is actually harping on about transcendence. It's like you're defining people by your own limited view of love.. As if everyone in love or believes in it is in some Hallmark card delusion. In practice, they are down to earth and just thinking about one person, without relating to some context as large as the "universe". They are simply happy with that person within the smaller context of their own lives.

And breaking it all down to construct is just having missing the forest for the trees. So you see the trees. Who gives a fuck. All the nitty-gritty details of a human being form up a new phenomenon - a person. And sometimes, two personalities/people are the right kind of "constructs" for one another. How that renders "love" meaningless is beyond me. It's still noteworthy enough if it works.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 09, 2010, 05:33:37 PM
It's obvious by this thread that love is a battlefield! (http://www.mdstreetscene.com/forum/images/smilies/tomcat.gif)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 09, 2010, 05:44:18 PM
Weak.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 09, 2010, 06:08:41 PM
Heartache to heartache...

So you see the trees. Who gives a fuck.

I do!  I think being blinded by love and missing out on those trees would be a travesty.  Like you said, tomato tomato.  I'm okay with you believing in love, if you're okay with me believing it's just chemical secretions - and as long as you don't take it to the extreme which is what the transcending construct is mainly referring to.  For example the people whose number is in question who allow themselves to be blinded by it to the point where they cease to function properly in its absence.


Quote
It's still noteworthy enough if it works.

It only works in the Darwinian sense, jaded though that may be, as far as I'm concerned.  I mean, if you were an amoeba who successfully split yourself in two, would that still be noteworthy in any other way but to marvel at the complexity of life? 

Also, I'm not defining love by my limited view.  I'm just trying to be objective.  And my view is all I've got.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 09, 2010, 06:18:47 PM
Weak.

Well, I amused myself.   :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 09, 2010, 07:23:21 PM
For example the people whose number is in question who allow themselves to be blinded by it to the point where they cease to function properly in its absence.

What do you have in mind when you say not "functioning properly"? Not having love is not the end of the world for many people. Or rather, they know it could come around some time. Or if they went through a breakup and lost what they thought was love, they pick up again eventually. They still function properly, go to work, brush their teeth, etc., yet can still hope for it. People who fall apart because of the absence of love have additional issues, and I wouldn't characterize the whole thing because of them.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on January 09, 2010, 07:56:12 PM
Weak.

Well, I amused myself.   :oh_i_see:

Your avatar amuses me, so we can let it slide.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 09, 2010, 08:00:18 PM
If you're trying to say that the biological process involved in love is not the only reason people have trouble with love, you'll get no argument from me.  The functioning properly comment is of course relative and not meant to incite a semantic debate.  All I'm trying to illustrate is that there are people who act irrationally because of brain chemistry, and peer pressure that's commonly associated with love.  That may manifest itself in any number of ways, and in graduating degrees.  For instance the threads and posts about feelings of inadequacy because of a lack of dating proficiency, in my opinion, are irrational.  Perfectly natural, of course.  But irrational.  On the other hand if you're trying to say that those self esteem issues may be due to something else and not love chemistry at all, then I'm not with you.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 09, 2010, 11:32:44 PM
I'm pretty sure it's a norm, and not an ideal.  It may be your ideal, and well, that's cute.

Lifelong romantic monogamy is not MY ideal, but it sure as fuck is the cultural ideal. Why the fuck do yo think its the "norm".

As ive already explained and you seem incapable of fucking understanding is that lifelong complete monogamy is not derived instinctively. It is counter intuitive to our instincts, in the "wild" we would not be forming life long monogamous pairs (its almost unheard of for any mammal to do so). And you keep restating that the nature of love is derived from physiological changes in the body. NO FUCKING SHIT RETARD. All experiences,thoughts and actions are. What possible fucking value is there in restating this over and over as if it is pertinent to the conversation. Do you really believe people are unaware of this snippet of information? Do you think people experiencing love are under the mistaken impression that it is a mystical and magical experience? Do you have any related experience on the topic what so ever?

If people were conversing about "friendship" and some twat enters the conversation and asserts that friendship is a myth and does not REALLY exist because it can be reduced to physiological changes in the brain/body, do you think that person has any friends? Similar situation here. Virgin talking about fucking with no understanding clinically or practically about the subject...at all.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 10, 2010, 02:35:45 AM
Dude.  Bro.  Dude.  You're just wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to start.  Like I said, thanks for trolling.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 10, 2010, 03:24:41 AM
I'm late:  are the other 9 pages like this ?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 10, 2010, 03:27:27 AM
The last 5 or so are. It's basically a larf.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sir T on January 10, 2010, 04:11:53 AM
All the depressives have left so its safe now  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on January 10, 2010, 06:08:39 AM
I love myself more than enough for two people so I'm all set.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Big Gulp on January 10, 2010, 10:16:19 AM
But Lorekeeper...stay out of the clubs, they're not going to help. I know it sucks and is a pain in the ass, but you've just got to put yourself out there and meet some different people. If you're not comfortable with the clubs or whatever, you're setting yourself up for failure - women are going to pick up on the discomfort and lack of confidence (as much as I HATE the cliche), and you'll get nowhere in all likelihood.

Exactly.  You're not going to get anything out of clubs or bars except depressed, drunk, and blue balls.

My current girlfriend I met through Facebook.  She was a year behind me in high school, and was a mousy, shy little thing.  She's now a cop of all things.  Work that social networking, guys!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 10, 2010, 12:03:56 PM
She was a year behind me in high school,
I moved halfway across the country to get away from those people! ;-)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 10, 2010, 12:58:22 PM
Not enough rock clubs in this city anymore. :\ Friends drag me to other types, but it's definitely not my thing. I wouldn't blame anyone for not going. Although it's always interesting, even if it leads to blue balls as Gulp said. Heh. If you're not "fun", bring a gay friend along then.  8-) Keep the girls entertained.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 10, 2010, 01:32:22 PM
If you're not "fun", bring a gay friend along then.
Now that depends on the club you are going to, doesn't it? ;-)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 10, 2010, 02:13:50 PM
Not at all man. The dancing drunk gay friend is the ultimate wingman anywhere. ;) It also helps that the people I go to these places with already know someone to meet up with or you go with a group of chicks to begin with. Hell, I'm really only there as someone's wingman too. Otherwise, I wouldn't suggest it either.

[edit] This goes without mentioning that you need your "Whatever-take-one-for-the-team-I'll fuck anything." wingman too.

There are rules, you see.  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 04:35:41 PM
Lorekeep - serious question regarding your Aspergers. Medically/clinically diagnosed or self-diagnosed?

Self-diagnosis (I KNOW LOL RIGHT?) working on professional diagnosis this month. But I hit all the symptoms, every single one, right down to repetitive motion and trouble sleeping. It would take a mountain of evidence otherwise to convince me of something else.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 10, 2010, 04:38:14 PM
It's funny you went down this path in this thread since I assumed you were sperged out when you asked how to aim with a controller like 10+ years after the dual shock came out.

I keed, I keed.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on January 10, 2010, 05:42:51 PM
Lorekeep - serious question regarding your Aspergers. Medically/clinically diagnosed or self-diagnosed?

Self-diagnosis (I KNOW LOL RIGHT?) working on professional diagnosis this month. But I hit all the symptoms, every single one, right down to repetitive motion and trouble sleeping. It would take a mountain of evidence otherwise to convince me of something else.

You know, there was a time I thought I had Asperger's as well. And hell, maybe I still do...but so what?

Lets say you DO have it...what then? Will that magically change something for you? Is there a magic pill for it?

Really, what you need to do, as cheesy as it sounds, is commit to changing yourself, and follow through on it. Yes, sometimes you will have some depressing or sucky times, but you have to really want it. Hell, I still have times when I almost completely shut down when I'm dropped into a gathering of random people I've never met and am expected to "mingle" (which, considering my job, is sorta lol-sucky) but you've got grit your teeth and deal with it. Saying something like, "Oh, I can't do X; I have Asperger's" is just using it as a crutch and is a complete cop-out.

I'd reiterate that you should probably stay out of the clubs (at least for the purpose of meeting people), and find groups of people to hang out with that you're comfortable around.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 10, 2010, 05:47:01 PM
I'm still thinking decent clubs aren't a terrible way to meet people.  If you can find decent clubs, that is.  I don't know - maybe they really don't exist anymore?  They seem to have done the trick for a lot of people I know.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 10, 2010, 05:47:28 PM
If he has aspergers, he can probably find a local aspergers support group. Maybe some chicks there.

http://www.meetup.com/ (http://www.meetup.com/)  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 05:55:13 PM
What then is that I deal. There is no magic pill, nothing that is going to correct the problem. It's like if you were all telepathic and I lacked that ability. I just shrug my shoulders and move on at this point.

You know what I'm tired of though? People looking at me like I'm different, not knowing what the fuck is going on, and knocking me for it instead of understanding that I AM different, I have problems, I'm trying to deal with them, and they should be a little more fucking open-minded. But that's asking too much.

That's the only reason I brought up Asperger. Anything involving relationships with human, be it for friends, fucking, or fucking over, is colored by this and explains to a T what my problems are and how I am. I'm textbook. It's comforting to know, but at the same time something I have to deal with.

I used to shy away from saying it because it was some stupid internet meme that self-diagnosed Aspergers (which schild has himself used as an insult to people) were a joke. Well fuck 'em. If someone said that to my face I'd grab the nearest thing of value to them, break it in front of their face, then use it to slit their throats. Yea, angry much. But that's how I feel when I come face to face with stupid; I want to put an immediate end to it.

I go to clubs now to have fun and hang with friends. I've got my coping mechanism and I've found people who respect me for who I am and I respect them and we have a good time every weekend. They recognize my problems, they'd love to see me get with a girl. The higher level analysis of my situation is everything is fucking great. Moping and moaning about women is a minor, trivial thing when everything else is just great.

I appreciate the advice Strazos, but it's not a fucking crutch. It's knowing why something went wrong and moving the fuck on and trying again.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 10, 2010, 06:02:44 PM
Well, self-diagnosed anything is silly. Find out first. :) There are... doctors for that. You could just have.. social anxiety, and maybe hypochondria. ;) [edit] Not that those don't take coping mechanisms either.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 06:11:40 PM
Hang on, let me chop my dick off so I can be properly emasculated for the pages and pages of this thread that'll be used talking about this and make me second-guess what I know after more than a decade of analysis that should be discounted because I didn't go through med school.

...

Ok, go.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 10, 2010, 06:12:11 PM
Btw, pardon my ignorance, but is there any difference between autism and aspergers? I knew an autistic kid, and he just jumped around in place, humming, never said a damn thing. I would think an illness at least slightly associated would be able to relate to that kid more than me.. I mean, I would think you'd be so fucked up you wouldn't even talk to anyone here very well right now.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 06:13:32 PM
Summary: Asperger's is the happy little trees version of autism.

And yeah, I can relate to that kid.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 10, 2010, 06:23:22 PM
Hang on, let me chop my dick off so I can be properly emasculated for the pages and pages of this thread that'll be used talking about this and make me second-guess what I know after more than a decade of analysis that should be discounted because I didn't go through med school.

...

Ok, go.
Just so you know, anyone familiar with aspergers could've spent 5 minutes in real life with you and figured out you were a sperger. Stray is just saying you should still see and doctor, and you should. If only for some uppers. :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on January 10, 2010, 06:31:40 PM
I'm curious as to why you think people look at your like you're different, or how you know they think of you as "different." I use to have much the same mindset, thinking it obvious that my...social ineptitude was plainly obvious from sight or something. Was it?

Somewhat funny story...when I was in orientation for my job (with 96 other people), after knowing each other to varying degrees, the coordinators give us a Myers-Briggs test. Afterwards, people were *shocked* to find out I maxed out the introvert portion of the test.

What I'm trying to illustrate is that this idea you have that people see you as somehow "different" could mostly just be in your head, and when people really DO see you as "different," that could just be a manifestation of stuff going on in your head.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 10, 2010, 06:35:04 PM
Quote
thinking it obvious that my...social ineptitude was plainly obvious from sight or something. Was it?

Man, it was obvious on the internet, so what do you think?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MahrinSkel on January 10, 2010, 06:41:17 PM
Do we have to have the Asperger's discussion?  Short form: Asperger's Syndrome is part a spectrum of neurologically-rooted behaviors, nearly all of which are common in the general population, and which have a significant (but hardly universal) correlation with higher performance in certain kinds of abstract problem solving and an inverse correlation with what are referred to as "people skills".  Virtually anyone with an IQ over room temperature will display *some* symptoms of Asperger's, if only on occasion.  The extreme forms of AS are Autism, which itself shows a spectrum from functional to nearly catatonic.

If you display behaviors you don't like, calling them "Asperger's" doesn't do much to help you change them, and makes an easy excuse to not try.

--Dave


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 10, 2010, 06:46:06 PM
Somewhat funny story...when I was in orientation for my job (with 96 other people), after knowing each other to varying degrees, the coordinators give us a Myers-Briggs test. Afterwards, people were *shocked* to find out I maxed out the introvert portion of the test.

Not to derail from the derail (ok maybe).. but I'm just curious what your result was? We should have have a Myer's Briggs test for F13.  :roll: :wink: Not sure if I completely take stock in it though, but I've gotten ENFP for years. I lack direction.. or something.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 06:48:47 PM
I'm curious as to why you think people look at your like you're different, or how you know they think of you as "different."

Sending to private. Any public dissemination is just more fodder for these guys.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 10, 2010, 06:49:29 PM
I'm curious as to why you think people look at your like you're different, or how you know they think of you as "different."
Sending to private. Any public dissemination is just more fodder for these guys.
Point of order: Saying that is pretty much fodder. :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on January 10, 2010, 06:50:00 PM
I was I S T J/P (the last portion is a dead heat). I think that last one changes depending on my mood or time of day or something.

Quote
thinking it obvious that my...social ineptitude was plainly obvious from sight or something. Was it?

Man, it was obvious on the internet, so what do you think?

Yeah, no shit, though the question was rhetorical. Things change. I like to tell myself that getting out of NJ helped. :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 10, 2010, 06:51:10 PM
Some things change.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 07:00:23 PM
I'm curious as to why you think people look at your like you're different, or how you know they think of you as "different."
Sending to private. Any public dissemination is just more fodder for these guys.
Point of order: Saying that is pretty much fodder. :awesome_for_real:

But at least I can laugh along with you and not take it seriously when I say that versus going into nitty, gritty details and having a tough time telling when you guys are joking around in your usual cynically, from-the-peanut-gallery style. Granted, that's probably all the time, but you know, I take things seriously too much, and that's something I"m working on!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 10, 2010, 07:01:58 PM
I was I S T J/P (the last portion is a dead heat). I think that last one changes depending on my mood or time of day or something.

You're either Lance Armstrong or Warren Buffett.

I'm the Fresh Prince


[edit] Lorekeep, while I sympathize, I just think you need to get diagnosed. Wasn't trying to beat you up.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 10, 2010, 07:04:13 PM
I'm curious as to why you think people look at your like you're different, or how you know they think of you as "different."
Sending to private. Any public dissemination is just more fodder for these guys.
Point of order: Saying that is pretty much fodder. :awesome_for_real:
But at least I can laugh along with you and not take it seriously when I say that versus going into nitty, gritty details and having a tough time telling when you guys are joking around in your usual cynically, from-the-peanut-gallery style. Granted, that's probably all the time, but you know, I take things seriously too much, and that's something I"m working on!
Taking things seriously in the real world is one thing, taking things seriously on the internet is just a mistake, sperged out or not. I mean, what difference does it make?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 07:06:18 PM
When you say sperged out I think of Carlos Mencia going De De De.

The difference is in real life I can choke a bitch, while John Gabriel's Internet Fuckwad Theory comes into play online. I already know I'm ill-equipped and unable to win any verbal duel, so its all the more frustrating, especially when it's the like of you who is doing the sparring.

Intent of words, whether it is to build acceptance, fucking around with someone, etc, whatever the social plus that comes out of what you guys do, is completely lost on me. You know this, people have said to my face on here that I have a thin skin and therefore don't want to talk to me. I'm always on the defensive. Only time I'm not is if I'm high or drunk. Then I REALLY don't give a fuck.

And that's why people say shit to me. I'm predictable. They know they can get the response they crave for their own amusement.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 10, 2010, 07:16:55 PM
Well, you're not predictable to me.  This whole Asperger thing took me completely by surprise. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 07:17:44 PM
The amount of amusement I take from your avatar every time I see it versus Sky's is a surprise to me!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 10, 2010, 07:17:54 PM
I should read MMO threads more. Seems like all (mis)characterizing comes from there. I've heard of this grunk dude, for instance, but don't have a good idea wtf the big deal is. As for you Lorekeep, you seemed fairly OK to me. I wouldn't know any of that above unless you just told me.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 10, 2010, 07:18:52 PM
1. Carlos Mencia is not referring to spergers when he does that.
2. Choking a bitch will never help your point is this is what the conversation is about.
3. I'm not sparring.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on January 10, 2010, 07:19:22 PM
I was I S T J/P (the last portion is a dead heat). I think that last one changes depending on my mood or time of day or something.

You're either Lance Armstrong or Warren Buffett.

I'm the Fresh Prince


[edit] Lorekeep, while I sympathize, I just think you need to get diagnosed. Wasn't trying to beat you up.

So I'm either awesome or awesome? Thanks, but I think I already knew that.  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 07:26:39 PM
1. Carlos Mencia is not referring to spergers when he does that.
2. Choking a bitch will never help your point is this is what the conversation is about.
3. I'm not sparring.


1. Of course he isn't. He's making fun of idiots by making a motion reminiscent of handicapped people who can't help but be the way they are. Spergers, seriously, where the fuck did that phrase come from? It annoys the shit out of me that I might fall into a group you all seem to have a strong prejudice against because of a Cry Wolf mentality these people have.
2. It'll make me feel better at that particular moment more so than anything I could say back and make the fucker think twice about saying it again, consequences of a clearly-heinous-act be damned. It's not about my point, it's about respecting it that you don't fucking rail on me because of it.
3. See above. I'm always on the defensive when it comes to conversation, feeling it's a test of my social intelligence that I always fail due to self-generated pressure. This is something casual / natural for you. For me it's an endless test on whether I'm a part of a group I want to stay in or shot off the island from a Blastenheimer cannon because I said the wrong thing. Because that's all it takes: ONE wrong thing at any time and you're ostracized.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 10, 2010, 07:52:19 PM
On second thought, I would agree that you're a very strange cat. You seem to want utmost sympathy for an illness you aren't even diagnosed with. And you lash out and call people prejudiced when they simply say "Go see a doctor".


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 10, 2010, 07:53:40 PM
1. Carlos Mencia is not referring to spergers when he does that.
2. Choking a bitch will never help your point is this is what the conversation is about.
3. I'm not sparring.


1. Of course he isn't. He's making fun of idiots by making a motion reminiscent of handicapped people who can't help but be the way they are. Spergers, seriously, where the fuck did that phrase come from? It annoys the shit out of me that I might fall into a group you all seem to have a strong prejudice against because of a Cry Wolf mentality these people have.
2. It'll make me feel better at that particular moment more so than anything I could say back and make the fucker think twice about saying it again, consequences of a clearly-heinous-act be damned. It's not about my point, it's about respecting it that you don't fucking rail on me because of it.
3. See above. I'm always on the defensive when it comes to conversation, feeling it's a test of my social intelligence that I always fail due to self-generated pressure. This is something casual / natural for you. For me it's an endless test on whether I'm a part of a group I want to stay in or shot off the island from a Blastenheimer cannon because I said the wrong thing. Because that's all it takes: ONE wrong thing at any time and you're ostracized.
That whole post is ridiculous.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 07:58:34 PM
(http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/LIFPOD/5574232.jpg)

I'm gonna have a drink.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 10, 2010, 08:05:24 PM
Oh, I get it. He's joking.

Clever. Oh you! ;D


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 08:12:50 PM
About the drink? *hiccup*


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 08:14:07 PM
utmost sympathy

Just give me acceptance. Don't think "poor you". Just fucking understand I'm crazy by normal standards.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 08:27:44 PM
See this is why alcohol is awesome. I have 1% the angst I had before and could give a fuck about everything I just said. I love you guys.  :awesome_for_real: Now if I could just transcribe this "could give a fuck" to my sober state...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 10, 2010, 08:57:27 PM
What do you want my acceptance for? I'm not anyone. Not even sure wtf Asperger's is. I'm just a guy saying if you think you have a problem, get it checked out by a professional. I'll also tell you that nobody's normal. Some just have better social graces than others. And if you're someone with little social graces at all, and think you're crazy for that, then you are hardly crazy. When I said that autistic kid just jumped around and hummed, I literally mean that's all he did. That's what his life consisted of. Monday was jumping and humming. Tuesday was jumping and humming. And his 7th, 8th, and 14th birthdays and all days in between consisted of jumping and humming. His parents gave up on him and he lived in a youth mental illness facility. Nor are you severely schizo, where the most insane shit comes out of your mouth, followed by literal poo flinging. You are not that bad off from what I can tell.. So don't try to identify with "crazy" too much. Rather, you should respect what real crazy is, and be thankful you've got more to hope for, and at least some ability to work on things.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 10, 2010, 09:15:43 PM
You've left evidence that I can say something and instantly change your opinion of me. People will come by and look at this. Pretty sure a lot of the forum has by now. So, you're someone who has made clear to me the folly of my ways and shown the type of change my words can have.

Yeah, I respect what real crazy is. Call me guilty for using it so casually much the same way any Fox News commentator will throw out Nazi.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 10, 2010, 09:17:42 PM
Umm, hmm? Say what you want. I hereby tell everyone now to not color your opinions of Lorekeep because of anything I say. Cool? ???

[edit] Actually, I probably misread that. I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 10, 2010, 09:58:50 PM
Sjofn seems to have a marriage very much like mine.    Geez.  We don't even argue except when one wants the other to make a decision about something.  Usually dinner.  :oh_i_see:   We don't raise our voices or anything, though. 

What to have for dinner is totally the number one thing Ingmar and I squabble over.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on January 10, 2010, 10:11:42 PM
Vegetarian chilli.

No need to congratulate me on saving two marriages.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 10, 2010, 10:40:56 PM
We will credit you at our 75th wedding anniversary!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 10, 2010, 10:45:45 PM
On second thought, I would agree that you're a very strange cat. You seem to want utmost sympathy for an illness you aren't even diagnosed with. And you lash out and call people prejudiced when they simply say "Go see a doctor".

You think this makes him strange? The amount of people who fit that description is staggering. Interweb is no good for those who want names describing why they are unhappy. Especially "psychological" disorders that can be casually be applied to anyone.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 11, 2010, 12:07:08 AM
Well, it's just strange compared to other people who suffer. If someone is bi-polar, for example, they usually get treatment. Or someone helps them get it. Feeling better is their priority. And they at least get diagnosed first before talking about it.. let alone get angry about it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on January 11, 2010, 12:54:28 AM
Asbergers draws most social discrimination from people who have reason to feel insecure about their own emotional maturity.  If someone dismisses you because of Asbergers-like symptoms in your social interactions, they are probably harboring a desperate need to be one of the cool people. You just became a scapegoat to hide behind. Don't worry, it would have been someone else other than you, but you were a convenient target.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 11, 2010, 01:13:45 AM
Scapegoats? Tell me you are talking about shit he deals with real life and not anything in this thread.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 11, 2010, 01:15:38 AM
Quote
If someone dismisses you because of Asbergers-like symptoms in your social interactions, they are probably harboring a desperate need to be one of the cool people.

I don't think Lorekeep is in Middle School and I'd wager knowing what tiny bit about him I know, he doesn't run with people who would ever fathom worrying about being one of the "cool people."

That's nice advice to give to a teenager though.

Really, it's more "if someone dismisses someone because of Aspberger's they are either a dick or totally creeped out."

I can name some sperger types that creep the shit out of me. I don't dismiss them offhand but I'm not going to go out of my way to friend them in any manner.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 11, 2010, 01:34:35 AM
He's absolutely right. Unless you fit tightly within the social mold that makes you "cool", people tend to not want to be around you. I befriend the offbeat much better than the "normal."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 11, 2010, 02:32:42 AM
As I said, there's no such thing as normal.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 11, 2010, 04:31:31 AM
Sure there is, but its a very broad category. You have to be exceptionally fucking strange to be ousted by everyone. Shit, being an antisocial weirdo is "cool" in some circles. And despite after school specials the people who ridicule the weird are not inherently insecure or fucked up. Its just a convenient fiction to tell an omega ranked child. Someone is always an omega in a dominance hierarchy, thats just how humans roll.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 11, 2010, 05:14:58 AM
Not that I've really thought this through, but I'd say there's.... "Banal", "Interesting", "Fucktard", and "Sick". No "Normal". Banal, I guess, can be mistaken for "Normal" and Status Quo, but really, it's kind of fucked up too. I've seen some Banals break down before. They are just Fucktards who hide well, or Interesting in denial.  :roll:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 11, 2010, 05:19:19 AM
Lorekeep, contrary to opinion in some quarters the sort of violent urges and behaviour that you describe are not associated with AS: that's simply not supported by the data.  That's not to say that AS individuals present as placid, Ghandi-like figures, of course, just that AS itself is unlikely to be the cause of your rage issues and pre-occupation with expressing yourself through violent language.

Yes, I admit that - like many others - I'm by default sceptical about forums posters with self-diagnosed AS.  But reading your posts here I have no doubt that you are very anxious about something and I am sure that you are right that you could benefit from seeking the professional opinion that you say you're planning to get this month.  I think that's a great idea on your part and you're quite right in planning to do so.

By the way this is totally out of the blue for me: you seem to have been unremarkable in that regard on here so far as I remember, and I remember reading a few of your posts as long ago as 2007 in the (Eve) War thread.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on January 11, 2010, 05:26:42 AM
Diagnose me next!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 11, 2010, 05:42:22 AM
Stage 3 herpes of the mangina, I can tell by the way you type.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 11, 2010, 05:43:20 AM
It was a wonderful feed line and I am disappointed that you beat me to it while I was still discarding possibilites, Gryeyes.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 11, 2010, 05:49:08 AM
< Should really bail on this thread and pay attention kitty syndrome


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on January 11, 2010, 09:28:56 AM
Scapegoats? Tell me you are talking about shit he deals with real life and not anything in this thread.

Yes, I was refering to RL. I am pleasantly surprised that, from what I can see, most folks here have a pretty open mind about such things.

I'd also agree with Endie that violent urges or latent rage is not a typical part of the diagnosis. Its certainly not included in the DSM IV criteria. That said, it doesn't mean that someone with rage can't also have some form of autistic spectrum disorder. Rage can very easily build up with anyone that's had a frustrating time of it over the years.

schild, I don't think what I said was pertinent only to middle school. I think f13 may have spoiled you a little bit as to what to expect out there in the broader social forums (so to speak). There's a reason I hang out here; it does, at the end of the day, have a much higher quotient of maturity than you'll find on most gaming forums.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Triforcer on January 11, 2010, 09:36:06 AM
The last two pages of this thread have left me confused, and hungry.  Also slightly itchy. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 11, 2010, 01:38:57 PM
< Should really bail on this thread and pay attention kitty syndrome


Are you aware of just how big a douche you've been in this thread? I'm almost tempted to diagnose you with Asperger's, you're doing a damn good job with the "lack of empathy" symptom.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 11, 2010, 01:43:48 PM
< Should really bail on this thread and pay attention kitty syndrome
Are you aware of just how big a douche you've been in this thread? I'm almost tempted to diagnose you with Asperger's, you're doing a damn good job with the "lack of empathy" symptom.
Stray doesn't have a lack of empathy, he just doesn't think before he talks.

I  have a lack of empathy.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 11, 2010, 01:47:09 PM
I  have a lack of empathy.

I disagree.  You're empathetic.  You just lack any sort of compassion.   :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 11, 2010, 01:47:35 PM
< Should really bail on this thread and pay attention kitty syndrome
Are you aware of just how big a douche you've been in this thread? I'm almost tempted to diagnose you with Asperger's, you're doing a damn good job with the "lack of empathy" symptom.
Stray doesn't have a lack of empathy, he just doesn't think before he talks.

I  have a lack of empathy.

Yeah, I almost put a bit in there about "when you make schild look like the sympathetic one, you know there's an issue."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 11, 2010, 01:54:44 PM
Here I thought I was giving Lorekeep a lot of time as it was -- at the expense of a very attention whoring cat.

As for empathy, I told Lorekeep to see a doctor. What else am I supposed to do?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 11, 2010, 02:06:23 PM
Funnily there is a book on my dilemma.

http://www.amazon.com/All-Cats-Have-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1843104814 (http://www.amazon.com/All-Cats-Have-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1843104814)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Big Gulp on January 11, 2010, 05:36:09 PM
Dude, you can keep playing the Asperger's card if you want to wallow and give yourself excuses, or you can make a concerted attempt to change your life.  It's not like you're fucking Rain Man.  You do have some social abilities, but they're like a muscle, you need to fucking develop them.

Expand your network.  I bet you spend most of your time going to work, maybe going shopping, and then home.  Leave your fucking comfort zone!

Take an adult education art class.  Lots of trim there, and it'll be arty, sensitive trim who can overlook eccentricities.  Shit, the art world is filled with odd guys.  Trust me, you've got nothing on some of the freaks there.  I can't tell you how many times I got laid for the low, low price of $150 every 4 months.  And I enjoyed myself in class!

Volunteer someplace!  Are you at all religious?  Even a little bit?  Find a service you can live with that has a lot of people in your age group (I'm assuming you're still in your 20's.  Us old fuckers need to work harder).  Don't just hit on women.  Make friends with LOTS OF PEOPLE.  You get laid more when you've got a lot of friends, because they can go a long way towards hooking your ass up.

Stop whining, and start doing.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 11, 2010, 05:39:44 PM
 :uhrr:

I'm gonna make it really simple, and just be blunt about it.

My problem is that I truly do not give a fuck about other people or their views to an almost psychotic level of disinterest, and have difficulty accepting the reality of that situation based on societal perception of what a healthy, normal social life is. The "whining" is a fight I'm trying to have within myself to ignore the realities of who it is I am, and that what I am inside may not be very pretty. It's absolutely amazing I turned out the way I did, being focused on being respectful, avoiding bad situations, and generally being able to pass off as normal much the same way people don't look at Dexter Morgan as a monster.

Example: I wanted to be a designer forever based on some childhood fantasy of growing up and being in control of a creative vision. I am a terrible designer. I kept going despite the fact. I finally accepted I suck and have refocused my energies in other areas.

I do not give one god damn iota of a fuck about people that have nothing to do with my life. I've found people I can finally be comfortable with and will invest my energies there. A large social circle means fuck all to me; all that mattered was having quality friendships, not quantity. I've got that now. If I meet people, great. But I have a foundation of friendship that I've been looking so long for and it's made my life so much better.

What is getting fucked going to do to better my life? Make me a man? I'll still be the same person afterwards. Fucking is for pleasure and procreation. I get plenty of pleasure from other things. Call it denial, but pumping it up to be this big, important event is not helping things, as most of you have pointed out. So you can label me the f13 Virgin or whatever you guys want to make you feel better about yourselves by having someone that is worse off by your standards.

If I'm going to refer to myself I'll just stop saying "Asperger!" even though a good percentage of what I described, even in this post, could be quantified as that. Symptoms seem to sit well with most folks rather than a title on a package of fucked-up physiology.

I know that was a subtle attempt to rerail back into the dating thing, but since this thread started I've given less and less of a shit about my romantic "problems."

So spare me the "then stop complaining about it if that's how things are." Think about what it is I'm trying to avoid doing. I want to be a better person, and I can't tell if I'll be able to win that fight within me or if I'll fall to a state of Could Give A Fuck for the rest of my life.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 11, 2010, 06:00:13 PM
Fuck I could probably script an award-winning dramatic series based on a character study of my personality. We can call it "The Whiner."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Big Gulp on January 11, 2010, 06:00:40 PM
What is getting fucked going to do to better my life? Make me a man? I'll still be the same person afterwards. Fucking is for pleasure and procreation. I get plenty of pleasure from other things.

Because unless you're truly asexual (and that's a rare thing) you're bullshitting yourself into thinking that sex isn't important.  It is.  It's a big driver for us mammals.

And it's not just about sex, but that's a huge, huge part of it.  There's also caring about someone other than yourself.  It's back rubs and being able to tell someone things you'd never tell somebody else.  Frankly, it makes you a better, more complete human being.

That's actually fucking important.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on January 11, 2010, 06:07:34 PM
I was the aforementioned dude who went to work, went to the store, went home, played on computer. I was ASTOUNDINGLY lucky that I met my now 12 year partner at work. Otherwise, I'd be Lorekeep with Big Gulp telling me to go to church and get frisky. Prior to my miraculous luck, I did 'push my comfort zone', but that didn't work for me. Clubs don't work for me, classes didn't work for me either. I'd just sit, pay attention in class, go home, do my homework. Maybe talk briefly to a guy or two, but never enough to start a social network of any type.

The only thing that 'saved' me was to have a steady and long term social environment where I had no other recourse but to engage in socially; the workplace. I guess I could have joined a church and pretended I believed in religious institutions.  :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 11, 2010, 06:25:23 PM
Lorekeep, you don't have to defend yourself or talk about any of this.. umm, if it makes you feel better though, go for it. If you feel like a whiner, then don't.

I don't think getting laid is the be all end all of things necessarily, but we're in a dating thread, so yeah.. It's going to be talked about. At the very least, it's important as far as this discussion is concerned. And strange to hear someone simultaneously wonder about dating prospects, get some input here and there, and then turn around and say it doesn't matter and that he hates people.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 11, 2010, 06:26:17 PM
I'm a character, what can I say.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 11, 2010, 07:03:36 PM
Hey!  I'm not asexual and I don't think sex is all that important. 

Oh, and EEK!  Don't join a church!  Or if you do, make sure it's a funny one, like that Church of Steve or something.  At least she'll have a sense of humour.  (of sorts)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 11, 2010, 08:05:40 PM
The only thing that 'saved' me was to have a steady and long term social environment where I had no other recourse but to engage in socially; the workplace.
I work with 35 guys behind a radiation shield.  And when I do come out to other meetings, it's all physicists and engineers (male again).  I'm in trouble ;-)

But yeah, going to classes and whatnot works for people like Big Gulp, doesn't work for everyone.  My hobbies are 100% male (and most are 45+) so the odds of finding female companionship there are slim and none as well.  But honestly, right now I really don't mind.  Sex isn't something I've ever cared about, so "trying to get laid" isn't even a blip on the priority screen.  Obviously if sex means something to you and you want it, this changes your priorities.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nerf on January 11, 2010, 08:54:23 PM
Sex is pretty fucking awesome, and internet dating does work - even a miserable fuck like me found someone awesome through the internet, and the jury is still out on whether or not I'm even a person.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 11, 2010, 09:14:16 PM
My problem is that I truly do not give a fuck about other people or their views to an almost psychotic level of disinterest, and have difficulty accepting the reality of that situation based on societal perception of what a healthy, normal social life is.

Then why the fuck are you continually attempting to justify and rationalize yourself to everyone in this thread? If you were unique and not one of a 100 other fucks making the same silly fucking claims based on a wikipedia perusal perhaps your story would have a bit more credence. But to me you are just another sad fucker who feels the need to make grandiose claims about their dysfunction so they can be "exceptional" in some aspect of their life. But instead of donning a cloak and practicing ritualistic magic, or wearing fangs and pretending to be a vampire like most other social misfits who need to feel special.  You choose to be a scary psychotic. You don't get laid but instead of accepting you have no game and doing something about it you create this fantasy about how your psychotic tendencies make such a thing unappealing. Self diagnosed psychotic with AS, how completely common and utterly boorish. But I suppose the alternative is to accept that you are just a sad dude with no ability to interact with others.

Be aware this started with you asking for advice about dating...



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 11, 2010, 09:56:32 PM
Sex is pretty fucking awesome, and internet dating does work - even a miserable fuck like me found someone awesome through the internet, and the jury is still out on whether or not I'm even a person.
Jury came back. They deferred to science. Science has conclusive evidence that you aren't human. Don't argue with science.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 11, 2010, 10:47:30 PM
stuff

I think when you talk to your shrink, and you should - it can't hurt, he's going to tell you you don't have anything but maybe mild depression.  In other words, in terms of western culture, you're perfectly normal.  Feels good man. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: WindupAtheist on January 12, 2010, 02:49:06 AM
Sex is pretty fucking awesome, and internet dating does work - even a miserable fuck like me found someone awesome through the internet, and the jury is still out on whether or not I'm even a person.

Negative. You are a meat popsicle.

That aside, just what the fuck is going on in this thread? I gotta go read the last couple pages.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 12, 2010, 05:28:28 AM
:uhrr:

I'm gonna make it really simple, and just be blunt about it.

My problem is that I truly do not give a fuck about other people or their views to an almost psychotic level of disinterest

I'm absolutely 100% not being snide about this when I say that you post repeatedly on a social forum about how little you care about what other people think.  Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, you know.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on January 12, 2010, 07:12:13 AM
stuff

I think when you talk to your shrink, and you should - it can't hurt, he's going to tell you you don't have anything but maybe mild depression.  In other words, in terms of western culture, you're perfectly normal.  Feels good man. 

What he's got might be mild depression but if it's been long lasting (i.e. his whole life) there's a decent chance he's somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, moreso if he's holding down a job and getting other stuff done in his life. Autism is pretty fucking vague diagnosis though, it's a set of symptoms that sound somewhat like what he's got but it can get pretty broad what goes in there especially if we're getting into what classifies as Asperger's. Also Big Gulp is a retard, provided it's what you've got then it's not a fucking muslce you can train up but rather a set of connections in the brain (or whatever else causes it) that didn't properly develop while growing up. Social skills can atrophy with disuse but comparing that to someone with autism is like telling somone who was born without leg muscles that they just need to work at it in order to get walking.

That said there are people who have probably more pronounced form of asperger's than you that have found people to live with and even have families, it's not hopeless and yes seeing a doctor for a diagnosis will help (fuck it may turn out to be something that medication can treat). I can also see someone with Asperger's being more comfortable interacting with other people in an on-line format because part of weirdness for autistic people in dealing with others is the whole face-to-face thing. They don't feel that same sort of connection (and in full blown autism cases don't really have a sense of other people, who are just weird unpredicatble furniture) and dealing instead with a block of text could make things easier.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 12, 2010, 07:35:19 AM
Its like reading a horoscope. More vague generalizations based on ones anus and some guys fucking text!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: slog on January 12, 2010, 07:43:27 AM
stuff

I think when you talk to your shrink, and you should - it can't hurt, he's going to tell you you don't have anything but maybe mild depression.  In other words, in terms of western culture, you're perfectly normal.  Feels good man. 

What he's got might be mild depression but if it's been long lasting (i.e. his whole life) there's a decent chance he's somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, moreso if he's holding down a job and getting other stuff done in his life. Autism is pretty fucking vague diagnosis though, it's a set of symptoms that sound somewhat like what he's got but it can get pretty broad what goes in there especially if we're getting into what classifies as Asperger's. Also Big Gulp is a retard, provided it's what you've got then it's not a fucking muslce you can train up but rather a set of connections in the brain (or whatever else causes it) that didn't properly develop while growing up. Social skills can atrophy with disuse but comparing that to someone with autism is like telling somone who was born without leg muscles that they just need to work at it in order to get walking.

That said there are people who have probably more pronounced form of asperger's than you that have found people to live with and even have families, it's not hopeless and yes seeing a doctor for a diagnosis will help (fuck it may turn out to be something that medication can treat). I can also see someone with Asperger's being more comfortable interacting with other people in an on-line format because part of weirdness for autistic people in dealing with others is the whole face-to-face thing. They don't feel that same sort of connection (and in full blown autism cases don't really have a sense of other people, who are just weird unpredicatble furniture) and dealing instead with a block of text could make things easier.

I can't believe people are trying to diagnose this stuff over the internet.     :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 12, 2010, 08:01:14 AM
Then why the fuck are you continually attempting to justify and rationalize yourself to everyone in this thread?


Because you'll respond, good or bad, and I've got nothing better to do.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 12, 2010, 08:06:07 AM
Edit: ok I'll be patient.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on January 12, 2010, 08:07:16 AM
Fuck it's not like I devoted my whole post to saying this is what's wrong with Lorekeep just that based on what he's said his self-diagnosis might be right, I also told him to go see a real doctor. Most of the rest of it was talking about what he thinks he has, which is stuff that's true even if Lorekeep doesn't have any form of autism. It's more because I think autism is a really fascinating condition even if it's more a catch-all term for people who problems relating to others. It's fascinating because we really don't have a great understanding of how we do our relating to other people and seeing what happens when the process goes wrong might give us some indication of what we're actually doing. Things like children who fail the false-belief test (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sally%E2%80%93Anne_test) but can pass it with a camera replacing the doll (predicting what a polaroid picture will show). It shows that they're capable of understanding how objects will work but they seem not to be able to separate first and third person perspectives. They seem to only understand other people in terms of themselves or as bizarre objects in the world that they can't figure out. Mostly I posted because Big Gulp's post was, if this is what Lorekeep really has, fucking ignorant regarding the condition. The whole thing could be moot if he gets diagnosed with mild depression or something but I wasn't really doing anything better at the time.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 12, 2010, 08:17:07 AM
Mostly I posted because Big Gulp's post was, if this is what Lorekeep really has, fucking ignorant regarding the condition. The whole thing could be moot if he gets diagnosed with mild depression or something but I wasn't really doing anything better at the time.

I wasn't going to actually address what was exceptionally stupid in your diagnosis but since you persist. You are wrong, the whole "social skills being similar to an atrophied muscle" is EXACTLY how someone with AS would be treated. Behavioral Cognitive Therapy would be used for the brain/mind exactly as physical exercise would be used for a muscle. So not only was it a paragraph of silly enabling hurf blurf the hurf blurf isn't even informed.


Edit:
Quote
Because you'll respond, good or bad, and I've got nothing better to do.

I am fully aware of why you are begging for attention. I am asking how you can beg for attention while simultaneously claim to be a psychotic whacko who does not give half a fuck about people or attention.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Big Gulp on January 12, 2010, 08:22:09 AM
Mostly I posted because Big Gulp's post was, if this is what Lorekeep really has, fucking ignorant regarding the condition. The whole thing could be moot if he gets diagnosed with mild depression or something but I wasn't really doing anything better at the time.

How was my post retarded?

A) He doesn't know if he has "Asperger's Syndrome" (which is pretty much just a convenient excuse for socially inept people to latch onto.  Telling yourself you have a condition doesn't alleviate your real problems).

B) How is anything I said wrong?  Expanding your network WILL help you meet women.  And that's what he was bitching about, regardless of whether he now says he doesn't care.  He's full of shit, he cares a lot.  You backing up his half-assed self diagnosis does him zero good.

C) The best thing he could do right now is break out of his fucking rut.  Strip/night clubs are NOT going to do that.  Forcing himself to be friendly and outgoing, and change his routine just might.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Mrbloodworth on January 12, 2010, 08:22:51 AM
This thread got retarded fast, a few times.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 12, 2010, 09:28:50 AM
Something I realised chatting to Righ last night - you can have traits from all sorts of mental disorders in your own personality and not have the mental disorder.  Aspergers, Bi-Polar, OCD, that adult version of the kiddy one where you can't pay attention (I can't remember but nearly every guy seems to have it lately), Schizo-watchamacallit, some other one that everyone around here seemed to decide they must have a while back, etc.  Maybe some people do latch on to one of them hoping to explain their personalities.  Or maybe, something I totally accept, you're all just weirdos.  Luckily, medical reefer is coming to a state near you!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sky on January 12, 2010, 09:59:41 AM
I once killed a hooker because I didn't have my meds for my RLS.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 12, 2010, 10:03:48 AM
But it's so interesting to have a condition.  It provides an excuse for anything you can't be bothered to change.  She's not feckless: she has ADD!  He's not rude: he has Asperger's!  He's not a self-centred arsehole: he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder!  Having medicalised everything else, we now medicalise unpleasantness.

Heaven forfend that a psychiatrist tells you that you've just brought your kids up to be spoilt brats getting, through increasingly vile behaviour,  the attention you denied them.  Give them a drug!  God forbid that someone say that you're a selfish prick: you're the victim here!

A great deal of depression amongst those in their teens and twenties is fuelled by unhealthy sleep patterns.  But watch the fury if you make even a nuanced statement like "perhaps some people with clinical depression could help themselves by the sheer act of will of going for the odd walk."  Now, the fact that walking in the countryside has been shown to alleviate depression in many individuals is not important.  People will shout furiously at you for saying that some cases of depression can be alleviated by the individual's behaviour.  That smacks of blame!

tl;dr I'm not saying these conditions don't exist.  But I am saying that internet - and indeed "real life" - is full of people claiming armfuls of personality disorders for themselves in order to avoid facing up to their habitual behaviour.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 12, 2010, 11:14:30 AM
ADD!  That's the one I was trying to think of that everyone seems to have!  I guess your condition is being a Mr. Know-it-all.  It worked for me this time, though!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on January 12, 2010, 11:30:28 AM
Classification of mental conditions is a diagnostic tool meant to be of some limited help to psychologists and psychiatrists. However, the first thing you learn going to any undergraduate psych 101 course worth its salt is that the DSM IV is entirely useless in a therapeutic environment. Its simply meant to quickly convey a series of symptoms observed. Its never meant to provide a snapshot of an individual as a whole.

Unfortunately, it has rapidly turned into a pop culture mechanism whereby we can pigeon-hole others, and indeed, ourselves into readily digestible personality formats that allow us to be mentally lazy about dealing with others and ourselves. We love easy answers that allow us to sit in front of the tube with our conscience unperturbed. Be it the War on Terror or some facile belief in the use of medication to solve all our mental anguish, we are too busy a society to stop and lead a reflective life anymore.

Individuals are not afflicted by mental conditions in the same way that we're afflicted by physical ailments. We do love us some mechanistic view of the universe, tho, so if we can just tighten this screw here, lube that depression up nice and slick, we'll squeeze by with an unexamined life of comfortable misery.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 12, 2010, 11:50:09 AM
I feel like posting but you're right, I'm an attention whore too. It disgusts me. That's one negative label I'll not deny or shy away from.

I've gone through a range of emotions in this thread that lack consistency. It's why you're seeing my responses vary. I'm not some politician sticking to a platform. I'm a muddled human being wrestling with multiple severe issues.

I don't like what I've written, and it pains me to look at, seeing now the responses I'm getting. But I don't really think about it when I write it. I just write what I feel.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 12, 2010, 11:55:13 AM
I am fully aware of why you are begging for attention. I am asking how you can beg for attention while simultaneously claim to be a psychotic whacko who does not give half a fuck about people or attention.

I care about you guys in my whacked up world view and am trying to earn your acceptance, and failing miserably. As I pointed out earlier, every conversation feels like I'm being tested on my worth. When I'm out amongst people, I'm usually focused on something and don't care. When I visit these forums, it's about contributing, and most if not all the contributors offer something unique, appealing, and entertaining, even if its negative (bloodworth, grunk, Broughden before he went off the fucking deep end) that keeps them posting.

I'll get that diagnosis, and its next week. Seems the perfect way to end this thread.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sky on January 12, 2010, 11:58:32 AM
Have you been banned? You have our acceptance. Don't be so tough on yourself, don't hide behind false barriers, or even real ones. If you do have some disorder, use it as a strength to overcome adversity, not as an excuse.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 12, 2010, 12:18:06 PM
In the banned's defense, you have to be a gibbering retard or have a long history of stupidity a la Dash / Broughden to get banned. Otherwise you might be kept around as a toy. That isn't acceptance.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Big Gulp on January 12, 2010, 12:20:29 PM
In the banned's defense, you have to be a gibbering retard or have a long history or stupidity a la Dash / Broughden to get banned. Otherwise you might be kept around as a toy. That isn't acceptance.

I piss off everybody around here on a regular basis.  I've been on one version or another of these forums since Lum was running things.  I've stayed at Schild's house, for fuck's sake.

Stop looking for acceptance so damned much.  You've over 2000 posts.  I'm pretty sure you're there.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 12, 2010, 12:23:19 PM
Alright, I've had enough of this line of talk - Lorekeep, here's the deal. Stop being a pussy. Life's tough, get a helmet.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 12, 2010, 12:31:43 PM
We could have a long discussion about ADD or we could do something else.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 12, 2010, 12:32:31 PM
Sometimes even subtle jokes aren't funny.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 12, 2010, 12:33:27 PM
We could have a long discussion about ADD or we could do something else.

:awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sky on January 12, 2010, 01:10:59 PM
Sometimes even subtle jokes aren't funny.
You broke your humerus.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Mrbloodworth on January 12, 2010, 01:15:33 PM
bloodworth

I CONTRIBUTE! woot! Negative though? Humm..


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 12, 2010, 01:21:13 PM
Sometimes even subtle jokes aren't funny.
You broke your humerus.
:brickface:

Get a hobby.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 12, 2010, 03:52:53 PM
Lorekeep - serious question regarding your Aspergers. Medically/clinically diagnosed or self-diagnosed?

Self-diagnosis (I KNOW LOL RIGHT?) working on professional diagnosis this month. But I hit all the symptoms, every single one, right down to repetitive motion and trouble sleeping. It would take a mountain of evidence otherwise to convince me of something else.

Meh. I teach people who have Autism, including some Aspies.

Though people without an ID always seem to want to claim that they have AS with HFA. One of my co-workers has decided that he has AS, and also that I have AS. While I smile politely and nod for his benefit, it's clearly inaccurate because, I, you know, have fucking empathy (being a cock on the internet notwithstanding). Hey, ASD is a spectrum, and lots of people hit some (or a lot) of the markers. But I think it is often WAAAAAAY over self-diagnosed by guys on the internet and then used as a crutch/excuse of self-reinforcement.

Not saying you're doing that, I don't know you well enough to have an opinion. But fuck, even if you do actually have AS, use it to explain shit to yourself, not as a shield or badge of honor.


Hey, if you're bored, give yourself the baron cohen autism test when you get bored. There's a few of them online. Answer honestly instead of giving the answers which will say "YES, I AHVE THE AUTISM!"


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 12, 2010, 04:16:51 PM
Woot. Response to shit from 3 pages ago looks dated by the time I readcatchup!

 :awesome_for_real:




edit - time to go look up that Butters Episode from Southpark!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 12, 2010, 05:21:45 PM
I would agree that mental illness diagnoses can be bullshit.... But I've seen some genuinely sick people, and had to spend a good deal of time with some in the past. I would never write off psychology/psychiatry totally. There's another category of being "situationally" crazy, or depressed, or at a loss in some way.. And that's different. Like some people are saying, you can unscrew yourself out of bad situations -- be it through changing environment, worldview, something. I would offer my sympathy to these people too -- everyone's got some shit to deal with. I just wouldn't encourage them to accept some "permanence" in the idea that they are ill, regardless of situation. And it's hard to even get to the subject of "illness" if they haven't seen a doctor yet. That's expecting too much, to want anyone to just fall down and excuse you just because you say so. And then raging about slicing their throats if they don't. We're the assholes???


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 12, 2010, 05:38:40 PM
baron cohen autism test

(http://img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/medias/nmedia/00/02/55/27/p5.jpg)

[edit] Actually, Borat would have been better. It's all ruined now..  :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 12, 2010, 05:42:30 PM
I never said I'd slice the throat of someone who didn't excuse me. I said I'd slice the throat of someone who laughed in my face about my problems and disrespected me in a fashion that I could violently react and show them the error of their ways.

You know there's people out there that won't respect you until you prove you're "stronger", usually through fear of reprisal. Alpha Male syndrome or whatever. The internet removes that fear; hence, disrespect is abundant, because, what are you going to do, choke me through my monitor?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 12, 2010, 05:44:09 PM
Once again, violence in your particular situation given what people would "laugh in your face about" would only hurt your case.

Even joking about it here only hurts your case.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 12, 2010, 05:46:56 PM
baron cohen autism test

I thought we did that as a group or something on here. Anyway, 31, right below 32 which is the threshold where most people with Autism tend to score, and way above 16.4, the average.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 12, 2010, 05:48:03 PM
Once again, violence in your particular situation given what people would "laugh in your face about" would only hurt your case.

Even joking about it here only hurts your case.

Remind me what my case is because I'm losing track.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 12, 2010, 06:10:34 PM
Heh lets all take it. I like tests ;)

Score: 4

It's safe to say I'm on some different end of the spectrum to you Lorekeep.. From the questions it asked though, a lot of "introverted/focused" stuff doesn't strike me as "not normal". Again, I don't know much about Asperger's, but the world takes all types. Why does there have to be an illness created for focused introverts? Is there something more to it? Perhaps if you were in some high ass range, you'd be Rain Man I suppose. 16 seems OK enough. And I mean that in a good way, honestly. On my end, I get accused of not having enough focus. I switch jobs a lot, I'm jump around a lot in conversation, I get restless just sitting around. I guess if I wanted to I could say I had ADD.  :grin:

[edit] Oops my bad. 16 is avg, and you're 31. Hmm <scratches chin>


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 12, 2010, 06:11:14 PM
You think you're broken, and somehow trying to put that into words.

Yet you aren't already at a doctor, you haven't seen a shrink about it as far as I can tell, and you're self-diagnosing.

When really, despite the propensity for violence, odds are you just don't have enough practice being social. Were your parents social people? Don't answer that, just use your benefits to see a shrink.

Edit: I don't mean this in a bad way, because honestly, it's the better of the two scenarios. But there's a fair chance you're just stupid and terrible in social situations. That's absolutely fine. Speaking as someone with an autistic cousin, I'd rather be stupid and normal than be brilliant and not be able to enjoy it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 12, 2010, 06:21:09 PM
Also, if you really do have a rage problem and commonly threaten to stab people, or think about it, seek help today, not 'eventually'. If your response to a negative social interaction is to hulk out, there's a deep problem that needs addressing before you get yourself in trouble.

If you don't, stop tossing around lines talking about stabbing people, that isn't going to get anyone anywhere to want to help you. And it isn't funny, or even quirky-funny.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 12, 2010, 07:41:04 PM
Think of me as your sweet old auntie and I'll give you some sweet old auntie advice. 

Don't worry.  You're just a boy.  You have plenty of time.  It'll sort itself out.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 12, 2010, 07:47:16 PM
Don't worry.  You're just a boy.  You have plenty of time.  It'll sort itself out.

This is why sweet old Auntie's can't be trusted.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 12, 2010, 07:55:28 PM
Although we might give out faulty advice, you know you can trust me with your deepest, darkest secrets.  Srsly.  You can. 
Go on, then.  The darker, the better. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 12, 2010, 08:15:49 PM
Sometimes, when I see about your avatar, I look like Sky's (old -.-) avatar.  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 12, 2010, 08:15:56 PM
Think of me as your sweet old auntie and I'll give you some sweet old auntie advice. 

Don't worry.  You're just a boy.  You have plenty of time.  It'll sort itself out.

I am kind of in this camp. I never had a serious relationship until an EQ friend made a remark in game about my childhood that cracked open a memory* that released a floodgate of emotion that then allowed me to open up to others. I fell in love and got married within a year.


* My longtime childhood friend basically abandoned me in 6th grade to pursue girls way before I was ready and I had repressed that rejection but still let it prevent me from bonding with anyone seriously after that.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 12, 2010, 08:29:43 PM
Also, if you really do have a rage problem...
I had a rage problem for years.  Never actually did anything physical or verbal, but I would blow up at a minute's notice over little things and get very angry about some perceived transgression somewhere.  The doctors had me on so many different medications trying to "cure" me it was ridiculous (and they either made me so tired I didn't do anything or REALLY angry).  Finally got on the right diagnosis after seeing 6 different "specialists" and drug combo to make things all better.  That combined with just accepting that my family has anger management issues (that either blow over extremely quickly or turn into 50 year grudges) and accepting me for myself (however lame and as much bullshit it sounds like) has made me a much more pleasant person to be around.  And I didn't even need marijuana to mellow out!  My ex even commented over Thanksgiving and Christmas that I'm fun to be around again and she says I should have done this years ago.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 13, 2010, 12:19:31 AM
Heh lets all take it. I like tests ;)

Score: 4


I got a 12, whee!

My main thing is that I am good at socializing, but I don't really go out of my way to do it. Ingmar usually has to drag me kicking and screaming to parties, but once I'm there, I don't think anyone can tell I'd rather be at home.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on January 13, 2010, 12:52:46 AM
Quote
When I visit these forums, it's about contributing, and most if not all the contributors offer something unique, appealing, and entertaining, even if its negative (bloodworth, grunk, Broughden before he went off the fucking deep end) that keeps them posting.

I offer handsomeness and leet programming skills. That's two things!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MahrinSkel on January 13, 2010, 01:23:28 AM
I got a 32.  Which actually didn't surprise me, it's taken years of deliberately cultivating habits towards social engagement and learning to intellectualize things most people do by instinct to become the paragon of social skills you see before you.  In most of my parallel worlds, I do a lot of fingerpainting.

Lorekeep, if you're not trolling us, here's my suggestions: Build on your capacity to empathize with the people right in front of you.  Learn to force eye contact even though it makes you uncomfortable (stare at the center of their brow ridge, if necessary).  Speak clearly, try to avoid using mental shorthand out loud, and if your audience looks confused ask them for advice for how to get back to the same page.  Learn how to tell jokes based on esoteric rules of physics of math, audiences that can spot the punchlines are worth pursuing closer relationships.  Beware of "Likable Scoundrels".

--Dave


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on January 13, 2010, 01:39:44 AM
And brush your teeth before bed.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 13, 2010, 04:03:07 AM
baron cohen autism test

(http://img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/medias/nmedia/00/02/55/27/p5.jpg)

[edit] Actually, Borat would have been better. It's all ruined now..  :oh_i_see:


cousins, yo!

yes, for serious.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 13, 2010, 04:19:39 AM
I would agree that mental illness diagnoses can be bullshit....

Aspergers/Autism aren't mental illnesses. They're neurological conditions. Like down syndrome or fragile X or global development disorder or whatever. Like being actually properly Intellectually Disabled (aka mentally retarded).
They can't be "cured", they can't be "fixed" but people with these conditions can learn/be trained to adapt and live more fulfilling/productive lives etc, depending on their individual cases. Medication may or may not be involved in the management of behaviours.

This is different from some other neuroses, it's especially different from fat nerds on the internet with no social skills deciding that they have Aspbergers (often really meaning High Functioning Autism with or without Aspergers) as an excuse for their lack of social skills.

Oh yeah, it's not ADD anymore. Hasn't been for years. It's now ADHD.  :grin:


I never said I'd slice the throat of someone who didn't excuse me. I said I'd slice the throat of someone who laughed in my face about my problems and disrespected me in a fashion that I could violently react and show them the error of their ways.

You know there's people out there that won't respect you until you prove you're "stronger", usually through fear of reprisal. Alpha Male syndrome or whatever. The internet removes that fear; hence, disrespect is abundant, because, what are you going to do, choke me through my monitor?

This, like pretty much all cases of "big man on the internet" is just fucking retarded. Shut the fuck up with your "I'll punch your head" bullshit. If you spouted that horseshit to me in real life, I'd choke a bitch.  :awesome_for_real:
See how that works oh so well in endearing yourself to others, even in a "friendly" situation?






Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: gryeyes on January 13, 2010, 04:41:39 AM
Fuck in fuck, stop. You were hated on before this?!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 13, 2010, 05:13:22 AM
Anyone trolls me I'm going to find their house and gut them like a trout.

Edit: I got 28.  I think that's very slightly better than when I took this a few years ago.  I am becoming socialised.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 13, 2010, 07:26:58 AM
Oh yeah, it's not ADD anymore. Hasn't been for years. It's now ADHD.  :grin:

Ah yes..

Well I kind of suspected it already. Sort of. Nothing severe, I'm sure.

Since I mentioned Myers Briggs somewhere earlier.. and just to tie it in with this, I'm pretty sure all EFNP's like myself can be mistaken for ADHD. One quick googling, and I find that other EFNP's think the same. Perhaps ADHD is something to do with personality type.

Which begs another question.. perhaps the Asperger's stuff may be associated with personality type too. I googled various AQ results around the net, and there's so many people with scores 32 and higher. I'm finding it hard to believe there's that many near-Autistics (for lack of a better term) out there. It's easier to believe they're all INTP's or something - who are known to be the less social, kind of ultra-rational temperament.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 13, 2010, 12:49:08 PM
Oh yeah, it's not ADD anymore. Hasn't been for years. It's now ADHD.  :grin:



....


Too easy.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 13, 2010, 12:50:58 PM
There seems to be an awful lot of people on F13 who are so intimate with mental disorders that they call them by their nicknames!  I wonder why that is?  It's a little bit worrying, no?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 13, 2010, 12:55:44 PM

This, like pretty much all cases of "big man on the internet" is just fucking retarded. Shut the fuck up with your "I'll punch your head" bullshit. If you spouted that horseshit to me in real life, I'd choke a bitch.  :awesome_for_real:
See how that works oh so well in endearing yourself to others, even in a "friendly" situation?


Perhaps the most revealing thing I've gotten out of this thread so far.  :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 13, 2010, 01:01:10 PM
Digression/question for people who work with this sort of thing: is there a reason those sorts of psychological tests never have a completely neutral answer? I always find myself having to slightly agree or slightly disagree with things that don't seem right to me either way.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 13, 2010, 01:05:00 PM
Digression/question for people who work with this sort of thing: is there a reason those sorts of psychological tests never have a completely neutral answer? I always find myself having to slightly agree or slightly disagree with things that don't seem right to me either way.

Those sorts of tests are largely worthless unless the questions are answered by an objective third party after extensive observation.  Knowing what little I do of the condition, I'm certain that I could select answers that would produced my desired outcome. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tarami on January 13, 2010, 01:46:59 PM
Since the questions are oh-so-subtle like "do you like being in large groups of people" and "do you like repeating the same tasks ad nauseum", I'm pretty sure even severe cases either way can, too. :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on January 13, 2010, 02:20:15 PM
What's interesting about the test is that answering with "slightly" for a majority of them can still return a result of 35.

Anyone trolls me I'm going to find their house and gut them like a trout.

Edit: I got 28.  I think that's very slightly better than when I took this a few years ago.  I am becoming socialised.
Work harder, n00b!

What liquor should I have on hand for when you show up?  Maybe we can try socializing and avoiding that whole gutting bit.  Or I can look at you quizzically while trying to figure out why you are displaying such a pronounced emotional response to a bit of light jest.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: CmdrSlack on January 13, 2010, 04:02:56 PM
So, I got a 12.

I guess that's good.

Or something.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 13, 2010, 04:43:43 PM
What's interesting about the test is that answering with "slightly" for a majority of them can still return a result of 35.

Anyone trolls me I'm going to find their house and gut them like a trout.

Edit: I got 28.  I think that's very slightly better than when I took this a few years ago.  I am becoming socialised.
Work harder, n00b!

What liquor should I have on hand for when you show up?  Maybe we can try socializing and avoiding that whole gutting bit.  Or I can look at you quizzically while trying to figure out why you are displaying such a pronounced emotional response to a bit of light jest.

Um, you do get that it was parody?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 13, 2010, 05:25:06 PM
So, I got a 12.

I guess that's good.

Or something.

Nope, we're freaks too.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: trias_e on January 13, 2010, 06:07:48 PM
To Lorekeep.  If you feel like changing your state of being.  

If you want to see why people might have the urge to talk to women (and even anyone really) stop jerking off/looking at porn for two weeks.  I dare you.  Also, if you're of the sort who doesn't find it immoral, see a hooker or two*.  Check reviews online first and be careful.  Remember, Benjamin Franklin fucked hookers.  It's ok.

Get a dog.  Care for dog.  

Pay me the years worth of shrink bills.

*However, don't tell your hooker about how shitty your life because at that point you will be living the song Basket Case by Green Day.  But better that than Longview.



Got 29 on spergers test.  I think the most aspergery thing about me is that I simply cannot notice small details about people.  Haircuts, new glasses, whatever.  Also, everything around me just sort of merges into background and simply never enters my consciousness once I've spent a little while in an area.  Which can result in me leaving all sorts of embarrassing things about the house without realizing it.  And I'm a messy mofo.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 13, 2010, 06:20:11 PM
When I picture people who would score high on that test, I see Emily Deschanel as Bones. Not anything so bad.

[edit] Hah..

Seems that was the intention. link (http://www.philly.com/dailynews/columnists/ellen_gray/20070131_Ellen_Gray___Boreanaz_says__Bones__is_not_procedural.html)

Quote
"Hart Hanson, the creator of the show, and I discuss, you know, that my character almost has Asperger syndrome, and, you know, if maybe if it was a film, that I maybe specifically would have Asperger's," she said.

"If you look at the character of Zack, [a Brennan subordinate who's] played by Eric Millegan, he almost definitely has Asperger syndrome," she added.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on January 13, 2010, 07:52:16 PM
Um, you do get that it was parody?
I'm displaying symptoms of Asperger's and was unable to tell.

(That's a joke, yo.  It did take me a minute to catch it though. :oh_i_see:)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 13, 2010, 09:56:49 PM
There seems to be an awful lot of people on F13 who are so intimate with mental disorders that they call them by their nicknames!  I wonder why that is?  It's a little bit worrying, no?

I work there.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 14, 2010, 04:17:16 AM
There seems to be an awful lot of people on F13 who are so intimate with mental disorders that they call them by their nicknames!  I wonder why that is?  It's a little bit worrying, no?

Aunt's a psychologist, uncle's a psychiatrist, studied Lacan etc.  Basically immersed in the stuff since I was old enough to ask "Julian, was Hitler mentally ill?"

My family will be first into the re-education camps when the Scientologists take over.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on January 14, 2010, 09:30:26 AM
Aunt's a psychologis, uncle is a psychologist, I have a masters in psychology.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 14, 2010, 11:37:57 AM
Oh, Psychology - one of those useful subjects, like Liberal Arts.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 14, 2010, 11:44:42 AM
Oh, Psychology - one of those useful subjects, like Liberal Arts.
Liberal Arts isn't a subject, be specific.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 14, 2010, 11:48:44 AM
That's true, but a degree in it is just as useful, no?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 14, 2010, 11:51:07 AM
That's true, but a degree in it is just as useful, no?
Any degree is useful, getting a specialized degree is just a means of getting into grad school or for stroking your ego.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Triforcer on January 14, 2010, 12:02:55 PM
That's true, but a degree in it is just as useful, no?
Any degree is useful, getting a specialized degree is just a means of getting into grad school or for stroking your ego.

Wow, that should take us off ontoanother tangent of faux umbrage and limitless retardation.  Can we get Tom Bombadil not being in LOTR into this topic somehow too? 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Mrbloodworth on January 14, 2010, 12:15:33 PM
That's true, but a degree in it is just as useful, no?
Any degree is useful, getting a specialized degree is just a means of getting into grad school or for stroking your ego.

Wow, that should take us off ontoanother tangent of faux umbrage and limitless retardation.  Can we get Tom Bombadil not being in LOTR into this topic somehow too? 

Tom Bombadil had no degree, thus was ineligible for the movie position. Stay in school kids!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 14, 2010, 12:33:31 PM
That's true, but a degree in it is just as useful, no?
Any degree is useful, getting a specialized degree is just a means of getting into grad school or for stroking your ego.

 :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 14, 2010, 01:17:39 PM
How is stroking your ego useful? 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Mrbloodworth on January 14, 2010, 01:19:36 PM
How is stroking your ego useful? 

Reference your avatar.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 14, 2010, 01:21:12 PM
That doesn't make any sense.  She's not stroking her ego, she's grabbing her titties. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 14, 2010, 01:25:17 PM
I don't need other people, I have Signe's avatar.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Teleku on January 14, 2010, 01:27:14 PM
Yeah, I would like to take this opportunity to thank Signe for her avatar.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 14, 2010, 01:35:34 PM
You're welcome, just as long as you know that they're neither my hands nor my titties and even if they were, grabbing them wouldn't do anything for my ego.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 14, 2010, 01:36:29 PM
One can dream.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sky on January 14, 2010, 01:52:43 PM
grabbing them wouldn't do anything for my ego.
Lego my ego.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 14, 2010, 01:57:14 PM
:brickface:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Teleku on January 14, 2010, 03:37:25 PM
Have you made that an official emote yet?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 14, 2010, 03:46:56 PM
:brickface:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 14, 2010, 03:48:25 PM
I nominate  :gamecube:  :ipod: :nintendo: :eek3: be removed to make way for this clearly superior and more frequently used emote.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on January 14, 2010, 04:08:08 PM
That one is kind of big. I added an alternate version that's smaller:

:argh:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 14, 2010, 04:31:46 PM
I've fixed the big brickface then.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on January 14, 2010, 04:42:28 PM
Any chance of  (http://sae.tweek.us/static/images/emoticons/emot-colbert.gif) or (http://sae.tweek.us/static/images/emoticons/emot-shobon.gif) ?  They'd be a lot more use than some of the emoticons up there that I've never actually seen outside a specifically emote-based post.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on January 14, 2010, 04:45:02 PM
I nominate all riceball emoticons


I've tried hooking up with a psyche student occasionally. That's about my the extent of my "expertise". Oh, and I did time in rehab. I came to like Jungians over Freudians (bastards!).


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: WindupAtheist on January 14, 2010, 11:23:38 PM
I still think this one needs to be available here. (http://www.eastsideboxing.com/forum/images/smilies/buttlick.gif)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Furiously on January 22, 2010, 01:57:26 PM
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/01/20/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures/ (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/01/20/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures/)

People might be shallow, but it looks like you might be ok with an animal or if you are interesting.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 22, 2010, 02:08:22 PM
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/01/20/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures/ (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/01/20/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures/)

People might be shallow, but it looks like you might be ok with an animal or if you are interesting.

That was a fascinating read.  Yay statistics!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 27, 2010, 12:22:30 AM
OK thread, I need an etiquette lesson.

I posted once above, about a recent relationship break-up. I wrote "bring on the internet dating". I'd never tried online dating before, but there was nothing to lose.

It, erm, worked OK. In 12 days, I got 74 messages. Of those, I ended up exchanging emails with eight women (edit - and so far, four gave me their phone numbers). From those, I've got three actual dates in the next week.

All of a sudden, I've gone from loneliness to juggling conversations with many women, stalling five. I'm at the same pre-date stage several times over. That wouldn't have happened naturally -- it happened because I'm new on an internet system. It feels a bit sneaky.

At what point am I being an asshole? Am I now shallow? Is being a three-timing (eight-timing) virtual Tiger Woods cool with internet dating etiquette until I'm actually in a relationship again? Spare me your fantasies about what I should be trying to do with eight interested women. On second thoughts, I'll go fantasize about that some more.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 27, 2010, 12:33:09 AM
At what point am I being an asshole? Am I now shallow? Is being a three-timing (eight-timing) virtual Tiger Woods cool with internet dating etiquette until I'm actually in a relationship again? Spare me your fantasies about what I should be trying to do with eight interested women. On second thoughts, I'll go fantasize about that some more.

Not yet.  Maybe?  Yes.

If it helps, think of these dates as being like job interviews.  Or maybe even practice job interviews.  Either way, you're not signing any contracts yet.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 27, 2010, 12:36:20 AM
You're never being an asshole in online dating. Period.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: justdave on January 27, 2010, 12:56:20 AM
At what point am I being an asshole? Am I now shallow? Is being a three-timing (eight-timing) virtual Tiger Woods cool with internet dating etiquette until I'm actually in a relationship again? Spare me your fantasies about what I should be trying to do with eight interested women. On second thoughts, I'll go fantasize about that some more.

Not yet.  Maybe?  Yes.

If it helps, think of these dates as being like job interviews.  Or maybe even practice job interviews.  Either way, you're not signing any contracts yet.
Yes, but...Are they refusing to date people who play WoW?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 27, 2010, 01:06:58 AM
I hope so.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 27, 2010, 01:26:03 AM
At what point am I being an asshole? Am I now shallow? Is being a three-timing (eight-timing) virtual Tiger Woods cool with internet dating etiquette until I'm actually in a relationship again?

As stated, you're going through the interview process right now. When/if you start a relationship* with one of them, then you call the others off. BTW, You're shallow regardless of this internet dating thing.  :why_so_serious:

*use your own honest definition of a relationship. A one-night stand isn't a relationship, but regular dinner and make-out sessions might well be.


Also, from my limited knowledge, you're hitting the ball out fo the park with that kind of message ratio. My understanding of these sites is that guys send 1.4 million messages out, getting a reply rate of approximately 0.0000001%. Are you on eharmony.com? I'm seeing their TV ads doing heavy rotation all over the place for the last month, and they seem much more "female friendly" with all the "relationship" and "compatability" talk on their ads.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 27, 2010, 01:38:45 AM
Quote
Also, from my limited knowledge, you're hitting the ball out fo the park with that kind of message ratio. My understanding of these sites is that guys send 1.4 million messages out, getting a reply rate of approximately 0.0000001%. Are you on eharmony.com? I'm seeing their TV ads doing heavy rotation all over the place for the last month, and they seem much more "female friendly" with all the "relationship" and "compatability" talk on their ads.

EHarmony is what it sounds like to me.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 27, 2010, 05:43:33 AM
EHarmony is what it sounds like to me.

That's not it. But I think being a professional writer helps with online presentation. Most of the time it's been women initiating the contact.

Now I sound like an asshole.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on January 27, 2010, 07:37:41 AM
It feels a bit sneaky.

At what point am I being an asshole? Am I now shallow? Is being a three-timing (eight-timing) virtual Tiger Woods cool with internet dating etiquette until I'm actually in a relationship again? Spare me your fantasies about what I should be trying to do with eight interested women. On second thoughts, I'll go fantasize about that some more.

Have you lied to anyone?  And if so, why?

They are all there to date.  You are there to date.  Great you got a few interested responses.  Go see what they are like, if one wants to know why you can see her sooner.  Tell her you have dates with three other people you met on the site and maybe you can go get coffee next week.

It's only sneaky assholeness if you make it that way.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 27, 2010, 08:14:26 AM
I don't think you're being an asshole.  I think it's awesome.  I hope it turns into something nice.  Or you could just build up your black book and date a lot.  I never saw anything wrong with people doing that.  I know plenty of people who go from relationship to relationship and it never works  and it makes them depressed most of the time.  I wonder if they should really be going from date to date.  They're always happy when it first starts out.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: KallDrexx on January 27, 2010, 08:43:42 AM
Also, from my limited knowledge, you're hitting the ball out fo the park with that kind of message ratio. My understanding of these sites is that guys send 1.4 million messages out, getting a reply rate of approximately 0.0000001%. Are you on eharmony.com? I'm seeing their TV ads doing heavy rotation all over the place for the last month, and they seem much more "female friendly" with all the "relationship" and "compatability" talk on their ads.

Interestingly enough, I've read more negative reviews about eHarmony than any other dating site, and most of it is that the quiz they give is complete shit and doesn't cover a lot of things that are mentioned even in this thread as being important in a relationship (like if you want to do a long distance relationship and if you want kids or not).  Between that and watching a geek friend (about 24 years old) of mine go on there, find some random girl from boonfuck Iowa and watch her isolate him from all of his best friends and end up marrying her after 6 months (mind you this was his first relationship period) I would never go to eHarmony.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 27, 2010, 08:46:02 AM
Between that and watching a geek friend (about 24 years old) of mine go on there, find some random girl from boonfuck Iowa and watch her isolate him from all of his best friends and end up marrying her after 6 months (mind you this was his first relationship period) I would never go to eHarmony.

You say that like the guy had no control over his own actions.  Sounds to me like the guy chose to isolate himself. 

Tale:  I don't see how you're doing anything wrong.  These women are all probably talking to 50 other guys as well.  Just enjoy the conversations and take your time.  If it works, great.  If not, you've met a few new and interesting people. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nerf on January 27, 2010, 08:58:26 AM
Most of the time it's been women initiating the contact.

Really?  Are you a chubby chaser?  I'm not being snarky, but in the few years that I've done the whole internet dating thing, I've only gotten a handfull of messages from women, and they're generally fatties.  I think I've gotten one, MAYBE 2 emails from cute girls in ~3 years.

Fake edit: I'm 24, in school, tall, thin, well written, and not ugly.  IIRC you're in your 30s, and maybe the game changes?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on January 27, 2010, 09:40:00 AM
Hot young chicks in their early 20s don't need online dating sites.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on January 27, 2010, 10:16:59 AM
IIRC you're in your 30s, and maybe the game changes?

More like if they girls you are chasing are over 30 the game changes.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 27, 2010, 01:49:53 PM
(oops edited this post instead of quoting it - lost it)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on January 27, 2010, 01:53:19 PM
Oh we need updates and photos please.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on January 27, 2010, 02:02:16 PM
Set up a Twitter so we can follow how the dates are going :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 27, 2010, 02:14:01 PM
You guys are going to ruin his chances with all of them!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MrHat on January 27, 2010, 02:15:12 PM
Set up a Twitter so we can follow how the dates are going :awesome_for_real:

lol


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Mrbloodworth on January 27, 2010, 02:23:40 PM
You should get a phone with live audio and video stream, so we can be like your goblins in the mirror.

(http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/9000000/Goblins-with-Glowing-Red-Eyes-labyrinth-9029050-1920-1080.jpg)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 27, 2010, 02:25:34 PM
It will inevitably happen that a woman with whom you thought you clicked on a date will suddenly ignore all your emails and messages for no apparent reason.  This is normal. Just ignore her and move on.  There are motives other than finding an actual boyfriend/girlfriend behind using dating sites.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 27, 2010, 02:39:41 PM
Like what?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 27, 2010, 02:42:59 PM
- sex
- free meal/drinks/entertainment
- making someone else jealous
- random socializing

None of these require more than one meeting.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 27, 2010, 02:45:46 PM
Is it not okay just to use this service for simple dating and not for anything long lasting?  I don't know.  I was married before they existed I think. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 27, 2010, 02:47:37 PM
You can use it for anything you want.  The people that are the most sincere and honest tend to get hurt the most, though, when they expect the same from random people.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Arrrgh on January 27, 2010, 05:35:57 PM
Did speed dating not catch on? That always sounded like a huge time saver. Or does it sound like Speed Rejection to the insecure so they shun it?





Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 28, 2010, 04:29:30 AM
Stumbled on this (no contact between us). Straight to the point, maybe suit some of the people above.

Quote
about me
I am looking for a man with a hot body...who is taller than me.

I am looking for a man who can mow lawns and chop wood, I would also prefer that he owned a ute, (late model if possible). In return I will make sure he gets well fed and his needs taken care of.

Any takers?

* ute (utility vehicle) is the Australian term for pickup truck


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on January 28, 2010, 09:29:14 AM
Straight to the point? Sounds like she wants to move to a new house and doesn't wanna pay for a Uhaul.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 28, 2010, 09:33:21 AM
It doesn't sound like that to me at all.  It sounds as if she wants a man to help at her house which is out in the sticks somewhere.  She probably him to give her babies, too.  Then they'll live like little house on the prairie people. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 28, 2010, 10:18:03 AM
At what point am I being an asshole?

Could any of these women pick out your penis in a police lineup? And would they think they were the only one who could?

If the answer to either of these questions is no, you are not being an asshole yet.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 28, 2010, 01:02:49 PM
Yea, as long as your honest about it, it's probably going to be a plus for you.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on January 28, 2010, 05:00:54 PM
Did speed dating not catch on? That always sounded like a huge time saver.

Anecdote <> data.  That said, here's my anecdote.

- 2 out of 3 guys were in IT ("hard to get out to meet people").
- 1 out of 2 women were teachers ("hard to get out to meet people").
- 90+% of participants were drinking before and during the event.
- Conversations seemed cliched after the 3rd to 4th "date."
- No immediate rejection - a website was used after the event to pick "matches" - only mutual picks get contact info.

YMMV.


Tangentially, but still on-topic:  I once had lunch with a matchmaker, and picked her brain a bit with regards to online dating.  She mentioned (somewhat frustratedly) that 90% of females she'd interviewed who had used online dating would never initiate contact with a guy - no matter how much they liked him.   :headscratch:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 28, 2010, 06:00:51 PM
Why do teachers have a hard time getting out? My kids' teachers work 8-4.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 28, 2010, 06:02:46 PM
Tangentially, but still on-topic:  I once had lunch with a matchmaker, and picked her brain a bit with regards to online dating.  She mentioned (somewhat frustratedly) that 90% of females she'd interviewed who had used online dating would never initiate contact with a guy - no matter how much they liked him.   :headscratch:

I don't know what's normal with online dating, but the site I used has an option to password your pictures. Most women have their photos passworded for privacy, which makes their profiles difficult to interpret. Appearance isn't everything, but it's impossible to respond to "I'm looking for a man who is honest and likes to have fun" if you can't see whether she looks honest or fun herself.

I didn't password my photos, so I get women initiating contact by giving me their photo password. I guess this kind of setup encourages women to be bolder.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on January 28, 2010, 06:19:01 PM
Why do teachers have a hard time getting out? My kids' teachers work 8-4.
No, they don't (in general). US Public school teachers spend an average of 10 hours a week doing school-related work (e.g. grading papers) during non-school hours and average a total of 50 hours a week doing school stuff. 27% spend 55+ hours a week on school stuff*.

If your kids' teachers are working 35 hours a week that puts them in the bottom ~5% of public school teachers in terms of hours worked.

* stats from 2000 - 2001

http://www.nea.org/home/2233.htm


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 28, 2010, 06:38:59 PM
Yea, my mom pretty much worked from 6am till 6pm, and then came home and graded papers/worked on lesson plans.

For thirty years.

I am not a teacher.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 28, 2010, 09:08:20 PM
Why do teachers have a hard time getting out? My kids' teachers work 8-4.
No, they don't (in general). US Public school teachers spend an average of 10 hours a week doing school-related work (e.g. grading papers) during non-school hours and average a total of 50 hours a week doing school stuff. 27% spend 55+ hours a week on school stuff*.

If your kids' teachers are working 35 hours a week that puts them in the bottom ~5% of public school teachers in terms of hours worked.

* stats from 2000 - 2001

http://www.nea.org/home/2233.htm


Well, crap. News to me.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 29, 2010, 12:32:55 AM
The answer is less papers and quizzes and other bullshit and better teaching. The best teachers I had in college had almost zero work on paper and actually TAUGHT you stuff. Same with high school, except English - obviously.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 29, 2010, 01:32:50 AM
Why do teachers have a hard time getting out? My kids' teachers work 8-4.

When my mom was a teacher, she was working at least 10 hour days, plus the occasional weekend, and paying for school supplies out of her own pocket.  And she had to constantly put up with all kinds of shit from parents who thought she had an easy job.

After a few years of that, dealing with other lawyers seemed downright pleasant by comparison, and she went back to law.   :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 29, 2010, 08:23:35 AM
Date #1 is already stressing me by being high-maintenance (we're also going somewhere more expensive than I suggested)

, was pretty but much fatter than her photos (she was smoking hot two years ago), enjoyed her free expensive night out, helpfully advised me on my perceived flaws as I paid, and can fuck off.

Meeting date #2 tomorrow in the cheap coffee shop she suggested. Meanwhile I'm emailing #5 and #6. Wishing #7 would reply.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 29, 2010, 08:27:34 AM
enjoyed her free expensive night out
Now that is funny.  More screening next time?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 29, 2010, 08:37:33 AM
enjoyed her free expensive night out
Now that is funny.  More screening next time?

No, I already figured her for that. Went ahead with it anyway. I enjoyed my expensive night out.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on January 29, 2010, 09:07:59 AM
[...was pretty but much fatter than her photos

You will find that this is a common theme.  Not true of everyone, of course, but something that will re-occur pretty frequently.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on January 29, 2010, 09:10:44 AM
The answer is less papers and quizzes and other bullshit and better teaching. The best teachers I had in college had almost zero work on paper and actually TAUGHT you stuff. Same with high school, except English - obviously.

My girlfriend being a teacher I will go out on a limb and say that the number of tests that they are required to give these days is a serious detriment to the depth and quality learning that can be attempted.

Not to derail this into politics but "No Child Left Behind" is probably doing more to undermine education that any other active policy.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on January 29, 2010, 09:22:40 AM
Yeah, you have to give out quizes and all the other bullshit.  There is a certain amount of shit you need provide.  My girl is an 8th grade English teacher and she's got a bunch of shit she needs to get done.  She leaves the house at 6am everyday gets to work 1-1.5 hours early to do grading.  Gets home at 3:30 everyday and does more if needed and she's constantly grading shit during the day.

The she directs the school plays etc.

She absolutely hates "No Child Left Behind" because it's all bullshit.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on January 29, 2010, 10:30:40 AM

I don't know what's normal with online dating, but the site I used has an option to password your pictures. Most women have their photos passworded for privacy, which makes their profiles difficult to interpret. Appearance isn't everything, but it's impossible to respond to "I'm looking for a man who is honest and likes to have fun" if you can't see whether she looks honest or fun herself.

I didn't password my photos, so I get women initiating contact by giving me their photo password. I guess this kind of setup encourages women to be bolder.

My experience is that women rarely initiate when "send a freeform message" is the only option.  Subtle things, like the photo thing your site does (new to me) or "winks/nudges" will get them initiating a bit more.  And I agree with you that the lack of a photo makes it difficult to size someone up.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on January 29, 2010, 10:32:58 AM
At the moment I know about 6 women who go in and out of the internet dating pool.  There is 1 of them that will initiate contact.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 29, 2010, 11:48:57 AM
I think it is age-related too, and/or regional. I went on match.com in my early 30s in NYC and the women on that site seemed perfectly willing to initiate. I also had the famous photo-from-a-few-years-ago issue. In her pic she was a little bit overweight and tan. In person, well over 300lbs (and almost 6' 5") and pasty as a programmer. She was nice, though, and we had two dates.

Tale, you should also not get impatient with #7 and certainly don't spam her. When I first contacted the match.com woman that would eventually become my wife, she responded with interest and then I didn't hear from her again for 6 weeks. Why not? She had just joined the service recently (like me) and was dating. She just had to get around to me.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 29, 2010, 06:06:28 PM
Why do people date.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 29, 2010, 06:15:36 PM
Why do people date.

Is that a question or is there more to come?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 29, 2010, 06:17:55 PM
Lack of question mark for emphasis on detachment.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 29, 2010, 07:17:29 PM
Why do people date.
I don't date because meeting people willing to put up with my shit is a lot of trouble.  Date 2 people in 20 years?  That's doing it right!  Unless they pursue me, it's not going to happen.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 29, 2010, 07:19:27 PM
Lack of question mark for emphasis on detachment.

You're so deep.  Not at all like someone affecting sperginess.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Rasix on January 29, 2010, 07:26:26 PM
Awesome, it's back to the "sad fuckers" thread.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 29, 2010, 07:46:10 PM
What is sperginess?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: CmdrSlack on January 29, 2010, 07:49:03 PM
Tale, as far as being a douche is concerned, it's only douchey if you're actively lying and stringing people along. I did a bunch of internet dating crap during my last year of law school, and 99% of my dates were in the "job interview" category. Some panned out to second dates, etc., but most were false starts. Perhaps it's different in Australia, but in the US, you also have to go to the paid access sites to get some decent escort/porn filtering.

I ended up meeting my wife on eHarmony.

For the most part, I got decent but "meh" matches. That service operates a bit differently from the others I used. They do a staged communication process that can only be circumvented by mutual consent. IIRC, you literally start out with multiple choice quizzes, then short-answer questions, then internal email, and then you go from there. Users can choose at which stage they want to reveal their photo to you. In my experience, the ones who wouldn't let you see their photo until you were at the internal email stage were generally hiding their looks for a reason.

I also had some really odd dates. I'm 6' even. I was once paired with a girl who was 5' even. I felt like friggin' Gulliver.

It doesn't filter for political views too well. I speak a small, largely useless amount of Arabic thanks to some of my friends. One girl was all tweaked out that I knew any of it, and actually asked me if I knew any terrorists. Granted, this IS the US, so you'll have that.

The best date I had was the night after the first half of the bar exam. I had to be back at 8 AM for the 200-question multiple choice bits. We were hanging out together until at least 2 AM. I passed. We ended up getting married, etc. The key to that was, apparently, random luck. We had both had lackluster experiences dating via eHarmony. We had both recently canceled our accounts and were riding out the remaining month of access.

So yeah, go out, meet some people, it may or may not come to you. Know what your goals are and make them clear.





Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on January 29, 2010, 07:51:55 PM
Awesome, it's back to the "sad fuckers" thread.

We never left. If you're doing Internet dating, you're a sad fucker.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 29, 2010, 07:57:30 PM
Awesome, it's back to the "sad fuckers" thread.
We never left. If you're doing Internet dating, you're a sad fucker.
It's not enough of an outlier these days to be a blank situation like that anymore.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 29, 2010, 08:09:09 PM
I don't know that you are a sad fucker if you do internet dating.  Just look at the people here who did it and seem pretty happy now.  A few met other ways on the internet, too.  It seems to work. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 29, 2010, 08:26:54 PM
If you're doing Internet dating, you're a sad fucker.
Seriously, there are considerably more things sadder than dating on the internet.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on January 30, 2010, 01:03:30 AM
Random question: How prevalent are gold-diggers? Or, how much/little do you end up publicizing your job? I imagine someone that puts lawyer down has a higher chance of getting a response, but also a higher chance of someone being primarily attracted to your job.

Just curious, as I'm not in a position to even consider this option, which...stinks.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 30, 2010, 01:19:40 AM
Random question: How prevalent are gold-diggers?

In my brief experience so far, I've spotted a number of women asking for narrow ranges of professions/job seniority. For example, specifically wanting senior manager/company owner/professional. That looks like gold digging to me. But date #1 herself was a wealthy senior manager.

Tradesmen are said to be popular (the type that are getting a good workout from their job). My profile makes it pretty clear I'm in the media, which always gets questions. I've also seen plenty of women stating they don't mind what you do for a living, it's about the chemistry between you.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 30, 2010, 07:37:08 AM
Some might just want their potential relationship to be in the same place they are professionally, no?  It seems it would be more comfortable if you had that in common.  Especially, if they're looking for someone to start a family with.  It seems foolish to rule out people who take close interest in your career. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nerf on January 30, 2010, 08:00:14 AM
Random question: How prevalent are gold-diggers? Or, how much/little do you end up publicizing your job? I imagine someone that puts lawyer down has a higher chance of getting a response, but also a higher chance of someone being primarily attracted to your job.

Just curious, as I'm not in a position to even consider this option, which...stinks.

I'd say its not just the men who worry about gold-diggers, my current girlfriend (who I met on OKCupid) makes substantially more money than I do, and in the very initial phases was definitely a little bit concerned with possible golddigging.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 30, 2010, 11:07:15 AM
And you were still able to pull it off!  Good job!  (http://www.realitybbqforums.com/images/smilies/tease.gif)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 30, 2010, 02:11:25 PM
Some might just want their potential relationship to be in the same place they are professionally, no?  It seems it would be more comfortable if you had that in common.  Especially, if they're looking for someone to start a family with.  It seems foolish to rule out people who take close interest in your career. 

Where their own careers were not as advanced than the ones they were looking for in a partner, it seemed opportunistic. Without fail, these women were also recent immigrants. Maybe actual women, maybe profiles set up by a mail order bride scam.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 31, 2010, 02:21:05 PM
Four dates in one weekend is hard work. I couldn't remember whether I'd already told #4 things I'd told #3.

Now that I've done this internet dating thing, I reckon meeting for coffee in the morning works best as an introduction, not plunging straight into a nervous evening blind date.

Turns out #2 lied about her past, but is utterly hot. Seeing her again tomorrow. The photo of #3 was so beautiful I kept my expectations low, but she looked exactly like her photo and was great company, so we're going out again in a week. Which is good, because I initiated that contact. And from what I gathered, #4 was disappointed because she had wanted a man with bodybuilder's pecs. WTF.

There's totally a #5 and #6. But now that I'm not on the "new profiles" list, the flow of contact being initiated has fallen dramatically.

That's the way it is, January 31, 2010.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on January 31, 2010, 02:43:05 PM
Don't die of exhaustion or anything!  Also, try not to be serial killed by some beautiful internet predator.  I swear I saw that on some TV show not long ago.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on February 01, 2010, 05:30:31 AM
What is sperginess?

It's schildspeak for being an Aspie. Or attempting to affect the mannerisms of same.

I'm a teacher. I've worked in mainstream primary in the past but I am currently in Special, (where I had some specialist training before I started teaching mainstream) with a class of teenage boys with various forms of ID including (drumroll) Autism and Aspergers - hence a lot of my professional development stuff has been in this field over the past severla years. I can't be bothered talking about how hard or not I work, or how much of the work is various forms of mandatory bureaucratic bullshit or how much "teaching time" is wasted on crowd control for the unruly fuckers that shit all over your classroom and the opportunities for the other kids (usually the sprogs of those parents who think it's your responsibilty to raise their kids for them), but any fucker who thinks it's an easy cruiseville job can just go and fuck right off back into their puddle of cluelessness.  :awesome_for_real: I will say it's not a job you get to "clock off" and then go home and forget about work until tomorrow. :awesome_for_real:


We never left. If you're doing Internet dating, you're a sad fucker.

Sorry? Aren't you single, virginal, and bemoaning of same throughout this thread? Any method of meeting people or communication is valid. Even people who meet on WoW. It's fucking 2010, not 1995. I'd also happily wager that the people that met their partners online in this thread are less of a "sad fucker" than your Mr."I can't get a woman! I have Aspergers! Just look how detached and emotionless I am when I type in this thread!" routine. Makes me want to slit your fucking throat with a shard of glass. Apparently.  :roll:

(Maybe you are, and maybe you're not, but you do appear to be trying way too hard to be so - a self-affected identity. On the internet!)  :why_so_serious:

Four dates in one weekend is hard work.
That's the way it is, January 31, 2010.

If we're going to vicariously follow your misadventures, we need more details. How did she lie about her past? What was her deep dark secret? Tune in next week!

At the same time, I'm quite happy all this mating and courtship bullshit is long behind me.  :awesome_for_real:

This post needs more smilies. Ah rambling posts when you're tired FTW.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on February 01, 2010, 01:59:04 PM
We never left. If you're doing Internet dating, you're a sad fucker.

Sorry? Aren't you single, virginal, and bemoaning of same throughout this thread? Any method of meeting people or communication is valid. Even people who meet on WoW. It's fucking 2010, not 1995. I'd also happily wager that the people that met their partners online in this thread are less of a "sad fucker" than your Mr."I can't get a woman! I have Aspergers! Just look how detached and emotionless I am when I type in this thread!" routine. Makes me want to slit your fucking throat with a shard of glass. Apparently.  :roll:

(Maybe you are, and maybe you're not, but you do appear to be trying way too hard to be so - a self-affected identity. On the internet!)  :why_so_serious:


I tried to look up what a self-affected identity was and couldn't find it.

Never denied I wasn't a sad fucker myself, and if I did somewhere that I forgot about, then I'll set the record straight: I'm a sad fucker. You're right. You can pride yourself on knowing that you've integrated into society better than I have and have a firmer grasp on reality and other people than I can claim to. I mean, I don't know how better to drive this point home in a way that would resonate, and it might be an impossibility because, lol, internet, but what you and everyone on here do so easily is a fucking monumental challenge for me and something I WANT to be able to do.

Don't think I haven't learned from my mistakes in this thread; it's been very educational, and throwing myself out there, shamelessly pathetic that I am and giving you as much knee jerk and/or mocking fodder has helped heaps to better me. Unlike grunk or some other shit bag, I'll actually listen and try to compute and change based on the feedback.

I mean, do you seriously think I still think the way I did since the start of this thread? Are you too used to rigid idealogy or people who refuse to change positions or admit personal growth because that'd give you the win? I don't really care. If mocking me helps you feel better but helps me become a better person, then go right ahead. I think later on I'll be posting about the size of my dick and how it correlates to my inferiority complex. You can make fun of me about that for a couple pages.

Not a response that I'd call an Olbermann (Frank acceptance of a critical analysis of one's self without argument or retort), but it'll do.

Regarding dating websites, from my experiences, the explotiative and sludge of society tend to congregate in these places.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on February 01, 2010, 02:20:07 PM
I tried to look up what a self-affected identity was and couldn't find it.

It means that you sound like you're trying to act like more of a sad fucker than you are (I cannot relate to any of you hu-mans, my life is a void of empty despair, oh woe upon me and my unique snowflakiness), either because you're fishing for attention, because you want to confirm your latest self-diagnosis, or because you want to convince yourself that your problems are so crushing that you shouldn't bother to deal with them.  

Odds are good you have no idea you're doing it, but it's still kinda annoying.   :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on February 01, 2010, 02:27:25 PM
If we're going to vicariously follow your misadventures, we need more details. How did she lie about her past? What was her deep dark secret? Tune in next week!

She indicated she was never married, but there's a divorce in her past. Not a big deal. People can live together for decades without getting married, split up and don't have to mention it. Hers is not a simple story, but I don't have a problem with it on first hearing. Can't be more specific because it's a unique story.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on February 01, 2010, 02:31:54 PM
OK, I'm speechless. Grats.

My natural inclination is to write something long and winded in response or try to somehow save face or post something you'd EXACTLY expect me to post right now, but I'm just gonna tell myself to fuck off on this one.

Sorry.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on February 01, 2010, 02:41:36 PM
If you're doing Internet dating, you're a sad fucker.

Sorry, not quite.  Many people do it these days.  I hear more and more stories about people meeting online.  The internet is just not for geeks and nerds anymore... in case you didn't know.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on February 01, 2010, 02:45:36 PM
I hear more and more stories about people meeting online. 

I know quite a few happy couples that met online.  So much so that I've considered it using it on occasion.  I don't think meeting online is all that different from being set up by a friend or meeting at a party.  It even has the benefit of helping to determine if the person can communicate by text.  No small feat in the era of texting.   


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on February 01, 2010, 03:56:54 PM
Regarding dating websites, from my experiences, the explotiative and sludge of society tend to congregate in these places.
They're everywhere.  They need companionship just like anyone else.  There are also plenty of nice, normal and slightly off-kilter but okay people online, too.

The point of a dating site is to open up possibilities that one would not otherwise have.  Maybe your lack of proper social filters makes it harder for you to spot the good ones (gods know mine need work), but it's quite possible to meet decent people, too.  Remove the outliers and the people who are left are probably okay.  An attention whore or needy bastard isn't going to make themselves seem average.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: murdoc on February 01, 2010, 04:26:24 PM
Two of the nicest, most attractive people I know met online. I feel sorry for those sad fuckers.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on February 01, 2010, 04:29:01 PM
Point taken, but drive it home for a couple more pages so the shame from my knee-jerk response forms a nice, black shell around my heart.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on February 01, 2010, 04:33:32 PM
The photo of #3 was so beautiful I kept my expectations low, but she looked exactly like her photo and was great company, so we're going out again in a week.
Pics or it didn't happen :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sir T on February 01, 2010, 06:23:06 PM
Woman I know advised me recently to go for a dating agency or an online dating thing. Her reasoning is that at my age (37) because I have dated much, I simply don't have the skill or experience to date properly. She argued that dating like everything else is a skill, and if you have never done it you will be hopelessly outclassed in a sea of experienced people.

Kind of sobering, really. Probably will go for that, but I'll probably make an ass of myself as usual even if I get on an actual date.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on February 01, 2010, 06:24:29 PM
Woman I know advised me recently to go for a dating agency or an online dating thing. Her reasoning is that at my age (37) because I have dated much, I simply don't have the skill or experience to date properly. She argued that dating like everything else is a skill, and if you have never done it you will be hopelessly outclassed in a sea of experienced people.

Kind of sobering, really. Probably will go for that, but I'll probably make an ass of myself as usual even if I get on an actual date.

The type of skills you're talking about are what I assume you get growing up in grade school and high school amongst other kids. Also, willing to learn by trial and error at great humiliation to yourself should you error.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sir T on February 01, 2010, 06:47:09 PM
The only social skill I got in Primary school was "how to get beaten up by 10 kids at once" so no help there.  :uhrr:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on February 01, 2010, 06:52:48 PM
I wouldn't say great humiliation, aside from the possibility that you can magnify little mistakes massively in your own head. There's an extent to which humiliation can really be something that only you notice (of course that's versus people who massively humiliate themselves and are oblivious). Skill at dating is something you get from dating. It's only something you get in grade school if you do a lot of dating there (and even then it isn't something which directly translates to dating in later life). It's a case of being aware that you want to talk to someone and wish to present yourself as an eligible partner for them. It requires somewhat different social skills from interaction with friends because 1) there's more pressure on (especially if they're hot, god knows most of the dates I've spent with girls I've fancied have been some of the most horrifically dull evenings of my life because I cannot talk to cure girls) and 2) you want to be finding out stuff about them while hiding your own craziness/issues. Obviously not to a weird extent but the whole thing is like a job interview where you're both applying and vetting and like job interviews you're probably not going to be a natural and even if you are you have to be prepared that they still don't feel you'll fit in.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on February 01, 2010, 06:53:03 PM
Lorekeep, you should take a break from this thread.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on February 01, 2010, 07:59:01 PM
Woman I know advised me recently to go for a dating agency or an online dating thing. Her reasoning is that at my age (37) because I have dated much, I simply don't have the skill or experience to date properly. She argued that dating like everything else is a skill, and if you have never done it you will be hopelessly outclassed in a sea of experienced people.

And is this woman happily married or still dating herself?  This comment reminds me of conferences/seminars where unemployed people gather to talk about job hunting strategies.  Talking to other unemployed people isn't going to help you find a job.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sir T on February 01, 2010, 08:44:12 PM
And is this woman happily married or still dating herself?  This comment reminds me of conferences/seminars where unemployed people gather to talk about job hunting strategies.  Talking to other unemployed people isn't going to help you find a job.

She's dating herself.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nerf on February 01, 2010, 10:05:45 PM
And is this woman happily married or still dating herself?  This comment reminds me of conferences/seminars where unemployed people gather to talk about job hunting strategies.  Talking to other unemployed people isn't going to help you find a job.

She's dating herself.

Tell her to find a man before she doles out any fucking advice if she wants you to actually listen.   :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on February 01, 2010, 10:23:08 PM
She's dating herself.

Sounds like a euphemism.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NiX on February 02, 2010, 06:36:54 AM
This thread makes me feel warm inside.

The best kind of dating service is having Signe pimp you out like you're her only child.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on February 02, 2010, 12:44:08 PM
The type of skills you're talking about are what I assume you get growing up in grade school and high school amongst other kids. Also, willing to learn by trial and error at great humiliation to yourself should you error.
I didn't began learning social skills until my 30s.  Extreme shyness, high amounts of social anxiety, Aspie-like behavior likely caused by being celiac mixed with a high-wheat American diet.

Anyone can learn.  For most people it's more of an intuitive trial and error.  The funny thing about Aspies is they're trainable.  It may not be a full understanding, but it comes by analyzing those actions, mimicing them, and practice.  It needs to be approached from the perspective as a learned skill rather than "something people instinctively know".  Sure people will throw curve balls at you, but it's not like they haven't been doing that all along.  Now you at least have the skills to occasionally tag it anyways.

Everyone risks humiliation.  You remember more of the details of 'failure' than anyone else.  Some people find a bit of social awkwardness cute.  Get competent enough to survive social situations and strangely an annoying trait to you becomes an endearing quirk to others.  Your ever thickening blackened shell of a heart shouldn't care about humiliation anyways. :-P

Dating is just an extension of all that.  I've mostly avoided it personally.  I'm better in small groups where I can observe and give the occasional interjection.  The one-on-one stuff is really scary.  (Incidentally it is how I've gotten to know every person I have started a relationship with.)  Even if internet dating isn't for me, maybe not for you either, it has its place.  Recognizing what works for you and doesn't is vitally important, but keep in mind your needs will be different than a lot of others', too.

Sounds like a euphemism.
Wrong thread...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on February 02, 2010, 02:41:53 PM
And is this woman happily married or still dating herself?  This comment reminds me of conferences/seminars where unemployed people gather to talk about job hunting strategies.  Talking to other unemployed people isn't going to help you find a job.

Where your analogy breaks down is that applying to lots of jobs will help you find a job.

If you have little or no experience dating than I can think of no better way to get experience dating than to go on dates.  So, yes, Sir T, go online and get out there.  Yes, you will be horrible the first time, don't worry about it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Endie on February 02, 2010, 03:38:28 PM
Four dates in one weekend is hard work. I couldn't remember whether I'd already told #4 things I'd told #3.

This is very true.  I went through a couple of months of juggling four girls (the Student, the Colleague, the Lap Dancer and the Secretary - very Jungian but you start to think in stereotypes) like this (no, none of them thought they were the only one so don't get mad at me) and I started prefacing everything with hedges like "I think I mentioned that" or "I still love the time that" because I kept repeating stories or thinking that I was perhaps doing so.

That's not the biggest problem with that approach to dating, but it's a factor.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on February 02, 2010, 11:55:21 PM
I work best in groups of one.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: dusematic on February 03, 2010, 02:11:43 AM
Random question: How prevalent are gold-diggers? Or, how much/little do you end up publicizing your job? I imagine someone that puts lawyer down has a higher chance of getting a response, but also a higher chance of someone being primarily attracted to your job.

Just curious, as I'm not in a position to even consider this option, which...stinks.

It's 99% physical appearance.  Being a lawyer doesn't mean dick on the internet or in real life.  Nobody cares outside the context of the lawyer-client relationship.  Now, if you write something like, "senior partner for Richards, Layton, and Finger" then you're just asking for it.

Edit:  To clarify, people are generally pretty vague about what they do, i.e., "lawyer" or "government contractor."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on February 03, 2010, 08:52:03 AM
I don't understand the 99% physical appearance in regards to gold diggers.  Isn't that totally unimportant to gold diggers?  I should think the job and financial prospects would be all that would interest them.  Why would they care what the person looks like if all they're after  is money?  Isn't that what a gold digger is?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Big Gulp on February 03, 2010, 09:01:54 AM
I know quite a few happy couples that met online.  So much so that I've considered it using it on occasion.  I don't think meeting online is all that different from being set up by a friend or meeting at a party.  It even has the benefit of helping to determine if the person can communicate by text.  No small feat in the era of texting.   

Internet dating was a distinctly "meh" experience for me.  Facebook?  Different matter entirely.  I can't sing the virtues of social networking enough.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on February 03, 2010, 09:43:07 AM
You got dates from Facebook?  How?  Joining different groups and stuff?  If that works, it sounds a lot easier than joining a dating service.  Probably less expensive, too.  And you'd automatically know you have at least one thing in common with the person if you meet them through some sort of common interest group.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Big Gulp on February 03, 2010, 12:48:30 PM
You got dates from Facebook?  How?  Joining different groups and stuff?  If that works, it sounds a lot easier than joining a dating service.  Probably less expensive, too.  And you'd automatically know you have at least one thing in common with the person if you meet them through some sort of common interest group.

Old high school friends (and even people who I wasn't friends with).  Hell, one of my acquaintances from high school is married to another local tattoo artist, and she LOVES to play match maker.  Gotten at least 3 dates from her alone.

I tell you, Facebook is the happy hunting ground of dating.  Just be friendly and breezy, stay somewhat active on it, and dates will fall into your lap.  At least they have for me...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on February 03, 2010, 12:49:21 PM
You're only competing with a population of guys that wouldn't fill Silent Hill up in Michigan though, rite?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: murdoc on February 03, 2010, 04:44:17 PM
I was always good at dating, bad at relationships.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on February 03, 2010, 07:16:46 PM
 
Four dates in one weekend is hard work. I couldn't remember whether I'd already told #4 things I'd told #3.

This is very true.  I went through a couple of months of juggling four girls (the Student, the Colleague, the Lap Dancer and the Secretary - very Jungian but you start to think in stereotypes) like this (no, none of them thought they were the only one so don't get mad at me) and I started prefacing everything with hedges like "I think I mentioned that" or "I still love the time that" because I kept repeating stories or thinking that I was perhaps doing so.

That's not the biggest problem with that approach to dating, but it's a factor.

LOL well I did get it down to two second dates (#2 and #3). Except now I have first dates with #5 and #6 on Saturday.

My second date with #2 went very well and she texts me all day. But we're opposites attracting, so I have to work too hard at conversation. I'd rather be hanging out with #3 (interstate on business) and I can't wait to meet #5.

I feel some pressure to resolve this well before Valentine's Day, or it will get messy (and expensive). Fuck you, internet dating.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on February 03, 2010, 07:53:28 PM
Just be friendly and breezy, stay somewhat active on it, and dates will fall into your lap.  At least they have for me...
I think we can all learn from the Gulp.  All I ever had on my social pages like those were lesbians and the occasional person I knew from college, no dates to be had from there!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NiX on February 03, 2010, 09:41:25 PM
I was always good at dating, bad at relationships.

Internet high five! I'm the same. I've become the brunt of many jokes because of how many girls I've dated. I probably have commitment issues, but that's ok. I'll always have Schild.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on February 07, 2010, 02:42:09 PM
Second busy internet dating weekend, still find it weird. Me and #2 like to kiss, but we have nothing in common, she's stupid and it's stupid. Gotta end that. Except she's kinda hot. Next date would be at her place. But, no. Hmm.

There was #5 who wants to go out again, but I'd rather not. And #6 is a wonderful human being and would be a great friend, because I'm not attracted to her at all. Meanwhile #7 finally replied, but she's gone overseas, while #8's life got too busy to meet.

I have a third date with #3 this week and she's awesome. All my energies are going there. I told her about the others and indicated I liked her best, so I think going out again with any of the others would be a betrayal. Even if #2 lives so far away she'd never find out. I'm still not an asshole until I do that.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on February 07, 2010, 04:36:58 PM
Do you have a spreadsheet or something to help you keep track of all of this?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on February 08, 2010, 11:09:19 AM
I told her about the others and indicated I liked her best, so I think going out again with any of the others would be a betrayal.

Betrayal is too strong a word, but I agree that once you tell a woman you like her the best, you should act like you aren't still fishing to the best of your ability.  You should get points for being open and honest, so don't blow those points by then making her second guess your sincerity.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on February 08, 2010, 02:49:12 PM
I told her about the others and indicated I liked her best, so I think going out again with any of the others would be a betrayal.

Betrayal is too strong a word, but I agree that once you tell a woman you like her the best, you should act like you aren't still fishing to the best of your ability.  You should get points for being open and honest, so don't blow those points by then making her second guess your sincerity.

Out on a limb now. On the same night, I "broke up" with #2 and cancelled on #5's wish to meet again, leaving only #3. Now I am just a guy chasing a girl, so it's no longer an experiment in internet dating. Maybe she'll dump me tomorrow :)

Conclusions:
* This is a legitimate way to meet someone. There are desperados, people with dark secrets, but mostly just everyday people. Once you've met, it doesn't matter how you met.
* A sporty action shot with an intelligent bio attracts women (note: I'm told sporty action shots do not include posing in a muscle shirt with your guns).
* Meeting during daytime is by far the best way to start. Mid-morning coffee worked best, afternoon beers worked OK. It's cheap and there's no pressure.
* As with other dating, just treat the first date as getting to know each other a little and sharing some good stories, in the hope it might lead somewhere. Save the bad stories for later.
* Doing a lot of first dates fast is emotionally draining and confusing. Not recommended. But if I hadn't resolved my interest in them all fast, I would be left wondering about the others. Can't say what's best with this.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on February 08, 2010, 03:35:45 PM
* A sporty action shot with an intelligent bio attracts women (note: I'm told sporty action shots do not include posing in a muscle shirt with your guns).

Actually, if you'd read the okcupid article earlier in the thread you would know that shirtless poses, by guys that 'got it', averaged more responses/contacts than other images.

e:  That's not commenting on the 'quality' of those contacts, of course.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on February 09, 2010, 06:11:55 AM
They also said that declined very sharply with women's ages, though.  Twenty-one year-old women went for it nearly 2x the average, at 1.5 women met per attempt while thirty year olds were down to only .2 more women per attempt. 

If your goal is just to meet and sex-up as many women as possible, it makes sense to do the muscle shot.  (It also makes more sense to use some place like Adult Friend Finder instead)  If you're looking for a companion, well, 21-year-olds aren't the best place to start.  Particularly if you're already in your mid to late 30's.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: dusematic on February 11, 2010, 10:49:22 AM
I don't understand the 99% physical appearance in regards to gold diggers.  Isn't that totally unimportant to gold diggers?  I should think the job and financial prospects would be all that would interest them.  Why would they care what the person looks like if all they're after  is money?  Isn't that what a gold digger is?


You trolling me?  I was assuaging someone's fears that online dating was rife with gold diggers.  That behavior makes less sense online.  What actually happens is that physical superficiality becomes concentrated because all profiles are generic and without meeting someone in person, all that is left is a profile picture.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on February 11, 2010, 12:27:34 PM
No, I wasn't trolling anyone.  I simply misunderstood what you were saying, I guess.  Who remembers?  That conversation was before the Great Snow Of Twenty Ten!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on February 22, 2010, 10:48:38 AM
One item that I saw this week in online dating and both fumed and laughed about it:

I'm currently signed up for two services.  On one service, I got a match that looked very interesting, so I wrote to her.  Received a close back with the reason : "I'm pursuing another relationship."  Well, darn.  But life goes on.  Then about 10 days later, she shows up with a brand new account on the other service I'm on...

 :facepalm:

Viewed her profile so she knows I spotted her.  Will close it out later this week...  but why lie to people you've never met?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on February 22, 2010, 11:00:03 AM
Maybe the other relationship she was pursuing swiftly collapsed? And sometimes people aren't comfortable with telling others, "I think you're too ugly for me," or similar even if it's a total stranger they never nor will meet face to face.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on February 22, 2010, 01:57:16 PM
One item that I saw this week in online dating and both fumed and laughed about it:

I'm currently signed up for two services.  On one service, I got a match that looked very interesting, so I wrote to her.  Received a close back with the reason : "I'm pursuing another relationship."  Well, darn.  But life goes on.  Then about 10 days later, she shows up with a brand new account on the other service I'm on...

 :facepalm:

Viewed her profile so she knows I spotted her.  Will close it out later this week...  but why lie to people you've never met?
Women.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lac on February 22, 2010, 02:49:41 PM
They can be so inconsiderate to those who don't take a subtle hint.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on February 22, 2010, 03:41:42 PM
Men don't do subtle.  Been so for a long time now.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on February 22, 2010, 06:20:45 PM
Women.

In your head you were thinking, "can't live with them, can't kill them", weren't you?  I bet you even mumbled it under your breath!  (http://www.terranuts.com/forums/images/smilies/wife.gif)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on February 22, 2010, 07:28:34 PM
Men don't do subtle.  Been so for a long time now.
Neither do women.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Slayerik on March 04, 2010, 02:52:16 PM
You got dates from Facebook?  How?  Joining different groups and stuff?  If that works, it sounds a lot easier than joining a dating service.  Probably less expensive, too.  And you'd automatically know you have at least one thing in common with the person if you meet them through some sort of common interest group.

Old high school friends (and even people who I wasn't friends with).  Hell, one of my acquaintances from high school is married to another local tattoo artist, and she LOVES to play match maker.  Gotten at least 3 dates from her alone.

I tell you, Facebook is the happy hunting ground of dating.  Just be friendly and breezy, stay somewhat active on it, and dates will fall into your lap.  At least they have for me...

Michigan Facebook pimps UNITE!

Facebook is awesome for dating.

I hooked up with a friend of my ex-wife's through it, I knew there was a vibe when she was on vacation up north with us.

I hooked up with some ex-gf's for basically one night stands.

Found girls that had crushes on me in HS, thus making it a cake-walk to start dating.

A hot friend of mine from HS happened to message me out of the blue, saying she was bored. I told her I was going fishing in an hour, and I invited her along. She agreed, by the end of the couple hours of fishing we were making out and had a great time. I had no assumptions going into it, I had flirted like once with her.

We've been seeing each other for eight months now. Shit is that easy sometimes.




For the guys that have problems with talking to ladies, one book that helped me get back in the game after my divorce was, incidentaly, "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It really gave me a few "light bulb" moments...I was never bad with women but I was sooooo far off in some of my mannerisms and creating attraction the wrong way. From there, I have developed my own "cocky/funny" attitude that fits my personality and has worked great with the ladies.




Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on March 10, 2010, 02:54:43 PM
Somewhat relevant to the discussion...

Online Dating Similar to Real Life (http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/03/04/online-dating-behavior-similar-to-real-life/11868.html)

Quote
A researcher has found that people who lie on online dating services are people-pleasers who want to present themselves in the most favorable light to get someone to like them.

Interestingly, the behavior would be the same if the individuals were dating in the traditional, face-to-face manner.

If they'll lie to you online, they'll lie to your face - which is part of why it's a hot button to me, I reckon.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on March 10, 2010, 04:25:40 PM
This is yet another reason why I love being older and more emotionally secure.  When I go on a first date, I'm pretty much 100% myself.  If they don't like me then, it's just saving the both of us a lot of wasted time. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on March 10, 2010, 10:52:22 PM
Quote
Online Dating Similar to Real Life

I'd say ALERT THE PRESS, but it looks like some asshole already did. Tough nut to crack, obviously.

Quote
When I go on a first date, I'm pretty much 100% myself.  If they don't like me then, it's just saving the both of us a lot of wasted time.

Been doing that since 1982. Word Lyfe.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on March 11, 2010, 08:06:44 AM
When I go on a first date, I'm pretty much 100% myself.  If they don't like me then, it's just saving the both of us a lot of wasted time.

I agree with what you said.  :-)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on March 11, 2010, 08:37:12 AM
I agree with what you said.  :-)
Sadly, even if you are yourself, that is no guarantee that time won't be wasted and things won't end up badly ;-)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on March 11, 2010, 08:41:41 AM
Sadly, even if you are yourself, that is no guarantee that time won't be wasted and things won't end up badly ;-)

Things never end up badly if you go in with a good attitude.  You should be with someone that appreciates you for who you are and doesn't see you as some kind of project to fix.  If they don't want to be with you, you're ALWAYS better off without them as well.  Dating is a no lose deal.  You meet a few people, have some fun, and learn a few things... usually about yourself... in the process.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on March 11, 2010, 08:34:32 PM
I don't understand why dudes like that don't just go out and have fun, find a likeminded woman (or women) if they just want to get laid. To be honest, I hate relationships, and I'm shallow (for now).. but I ain't gonna lie and get a "girlfriend" through bullshitting. First off, someone gets hurt... but besides that, it's expensive anyways. [edit] I know some retard like this. He had some money from a family death or something.. and I think he was blowing money on girls.. saying he was a MIT graduate/engineer.. all to get laid. Really, in the end, only he's the one getting hurt. Playing a game costs money. The chick's are going to feel stupid for falling for it - but they'll get over it (afaik, I only know of one.. and she walked out on him on some vacation he took her to)..


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on March 11, 2010, 11:37:23 PM
When I was young, saying you were an MIT grad/engineer would have got you the opposite of laid.  (whatever that is)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on March 12, 2010, 12:49:04 AM
Things never end up badly if you go in with a good attitude.
I would beg to differ, but I'm cynical and jaded and as a result am not likely to ever date again (in the words of some movie: "I date!  But you know, both times it was really screwed up...").


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on March 12, 2010, 01:24:33 AM
When I was young, saying you were an MIT grad/engineer would have got you the opposite of laid.  (whatever that is)

I guess he's under the impression that money/profession equals = getting laid. Which it can, but in my view that's the hard way, lying or not. It's a lot cheaper being good looking or fun or both. And by cheap, I don't necessarily mean the women. :P

Anywho, that guy's a liar in general, so none of us are friends with him anymore. That might say something too.. People who lie in dating are liars in general?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on March 12, 2010, 05:42:25 AM
Sounds like it's not about the sex as much as it is about the lies.   He probably gets off on knowing the women have been lied to and think he's someone completely different.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Slayerik on March 12, 2010, 08:55:05 AM
In defense of the game, it doesn't have to involve lying. It involves trying to understand women and intrigue/attract them. Recently after my divorce I was seeing 3-7 women at the same time, and I was honest and they knew they weren't the only one. Strangely, the thing that I told them that seemed to attract them most was 'I'm not looking for a relationship right now.' I made a few rules, no back to back nights, no surprise visits, texts not calls, etc. These women ranged in age from 20-32.

My brother (who was also my roommate) said he had mad respect for my game, because they all knew they weren't the only one and accepted it. He is kind of the opposite of me, seems to push women into the friends zone, attract married women, and in general not really date at all. He is jaded from a bad relationship early on in his life and has never gotten past it.


Ok, so...I am actually writing a book about the last few years of my escapades. I don't just want to post it here, but I would like to have a couple people read what I have so far and critique me honestly. Most people enjoy it, but they are friends/family. I would like at least one man, and one woman. PM if you want to check it out and will read and give some feedback. Thanks


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on March 12, 2010, 03:47:39 PM
That's not a game. You're just having fun, meeting women, and not getting in serious relationships. That's normal. Playing a game is spouting bullshit, and getting in relationships.. when all the so called player wants is the same thing you want. Yet goes about it in a douchebaggy way.

Lol, don't write a book! Unless it involves a Russian spy or vampires or your friends moms.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Slayerik on March 12, 2010, 04:02:28 PM
Maybe in your circles it is, but I was amazing some of my friends at the quality and quantity of these women. Looking back, almost all were keepers in their own right.  It takes game to pull off.

Screw you, my book is gonna kick ass. :)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on March 12, 2010, 04:14:58 PM
Quote
Screw you, my book is gonna kick ass. :)

Ok.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: stray on March 12, 2010, 05:00:19 PM
Maybe in your circles it is, but I was amazing some of my friends at the quality and quantity of these women. Looking back, almost all were keepers in their own right.  It takes game to pull off.

Screw you, my book is gonna kick ass. :)

How about nuns? If you have a convent story, then write the book. In my view, no manwhore should write a book unless he has rivaled Casanova.


My circles aren't all that exciting. Lots of "reformed" people who are in, I guess, good relationships. Heh. It's funny though, without these friends, I'd probably be way more emo about relationships. They themselves, happy as they are, talk me out of it when I start looking for something serious. They've got an exaggerated view of what single life for me can potentialy be like, but they're probably right all the same.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Slyfeind on March 12, 2010, 05:04:15 PM
I don't know anybody who regrets bullshitting just to get laid. But then, people who are up-front tend to have much better sex.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on March 20, 2010, 09:35:26 AM
I guess he's under the impression that money/profession equals = getting laid. Which it can, but in my view that's the hard way, lying or not. It's a lot cheaper being good looking or fun or both.

Don't take this the wrong way, but you're a young guy and from what I understand don't have the money/profession part down at this point, so you're forced to (work at) be "fun and good looking". Both of which are subjective.
Anyway, my point is that money/profession also have some other uses in life, so "hard way" or not, it'll be more useful in the long run of life than just being a "good looking", fun, chronically unemployed dude.

(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_hdlxQSJvoIc/Rqfs1dLttyI/AAAAAAAAAQw/6fu_nXR9ycw/s400/Simpsons_Otto_Mann.png)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Grimwell on March 20, 2010, 10:24:59 AM
Further, you can not be good looking for your entire life. At some point everyone gets old and wrinkled.

Fun and money/profession can hold up until the day you die.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on March 20, 2010, 11:19:21 AM
I can see why he'd be actively gung-ho about this stuff if he had, let's say, an unexciting time in high school.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on March 24, 2010, 03:50:27 PM
You got dates from Facebook?  How?  Joining different groups and stuff?  If that works, it sounds a lot easier than joining a dating service.  Probably less expensive, too.  And you'd automatically know you have at least one thing in common with the person if you meet them through some sort of common interest group.
Old high school friends (and even people who I wasn't friends with).  Hell, one of my acquaintances from high school is married to another local tattoo artist, and she LOVES to play match maker.  Gotten at least 3 dates from her alone.
I tell you, Facebook is the happy hunting ground of dating.  Just be friendly and breezy, stay somewhat active on it, and dates will fall into your lap.  At least they have for me...
Michigan Facebook pimps UNITE!

Facebook is awesome for dating.
Facebook 'linked to rise in syphilis' (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/facebook/7508945/Facebook-linked-to-rise-in-syphilis.html)



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on March 24, 2010, 05:02:06 PM
I couldn't help it.  I had to laugh!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on March 24, 2010, 05:19:14 PM
I was just relieved I don't log in to Facebook very often.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on March 24, 2010, 05:24:10 PM
Yes, I don't blame you.  I'm a wee bit worried about my little games, now.  Although the only person left from here who plays the same ones I do is Samwise so I'll know who infected me!  

Edited for a comma that seemed to come out of nowhere.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on March 24, 2010, 08:55:45 PM
I recently got a friend invitation from my mother. I don't know know what to think on so many levels, damn you internets!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on March 25, 2010, 12:02:55 AM
I recently got a friend invitation from my mother. I don't know know what to think on so many levels, damn you internets!
I told my mom it's called Facebook, not Familybook.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: nurtsi on March 25, 2010, 12:59:22 AM
I recently got a friend invitation from my mother. I don't know know what to think on so many levels, damn you internets!

You should be proud of your mom. She's radical!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on March 25, 2010, 01:04:49 AM
I recently got a friend invitation from my mother. I don't know know what to think on so many levels, damn you internets!
You should be proud of your mom. She's radical!
Moms on facebook are like the largest demographic (on Facebook).

Edit: Or rather, fastest growing.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on March 25, 2010, 07:33:56 AM
If there had been a Facebook thingy when I was younger and my mother wanted to join mine - that would have been totally awesome.  Especially if we lived far away from each other.  It's a really nice way to keep in touch.  I have a cousin whom I love very much and never see and it's incredible to be able to keep up using such a casual environment.  On the other hand, if I had a child or someone I cared about and extended an invite to them and they said no, I'd be gutted.  How hurtful is that?  Next time I saw them, I'd have to give them that really really sad look that only works on family members.  (and pets)

(http://wannasmile.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/sad-kitteh.jpg)



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: KallDrexx on March 25, 2010, 07:36:49 AM
My mom was always smart enough not to even attempt an invite to my facebook.  We had a good relationship, she just didn't want to know everything I did and I didn't want her to see everything i put up :P


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on March 25, 2010, 07:41:27 AM
No, the sad look only comes after they try and join you and you shoot them down.  If they never bother, it doesn't count.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on March 25, 2010, 11:49:18 AM
Parents on Facebook bring things like this (http://failbooking.com/2010/03/16/funny-facebook-fails-sams-dad-is-legend/) to mind...

In semi-topical news, I might have a "coffee" date this weekend.  Is this considered a quicker-getaway thing than lunch/dinner, or...?  Not hanging out at coffee shops (or even liking coffee), I don't quite get the phenomenon.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on March 25, 2010, 12:20:06 PM
Well yes. Coffee allows you to up and leave at moments notice should she notice your leprosy. A dinner does not allow as easy an out. Its the gentelman's way these days to do coffee first


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on March 25, 2010, 12:21:29 PM
As long as you have a cell phone, you always have a quick out.  Just tell a friend to call you 30 mins into the first date.  If it's going poorly, just feign an emergency. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on March 25, 2010, 04:04:44 PM
As long as you have a cell phone, you always have a quick out.  Just tell a friend to call you 30 mins into the first date.  If it's going poorly, just feign an emergency. 

R u fem irl?

Anyway, you don't have to drink coffee at the coffee shop, it's just a place to meet that has casual seating.  Meeting for coffee (soda or water if that's your thing) is a 15 minute commitment with a ~2 dollar max cash outlay.  Dinner can be a lot more time & money committing even if you split the check.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on March 25, 2010, 06:13:04 PM
R u fem irl?

I'm a vegetarian, atheist democrat living in the deep south.  Most of my first dates are disasters. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on March 25, 2010, 08:00:34 PM
...should she notice your leprosy.

Frack, knew I forgot to mention something in the profile...   :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on March 25, 2010, 10:18:12 PM
I'm a vegetarian, atheist democrat living in the deep south.  Most of my first dates are disasters. 
You should share for our enjoyment. ;D


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on March 25, 2010, 11:32:23 PM
Most of my first dates are disasters. 
Hey, at least you get that far.  And seriously, share with the rest of the class so we can all comment on what kinds of crazy relationships you dodged bullets on.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on March 26, 2010, 02:02:51 AM
In semi-topical news, I might have a "coffee" date this weekend.  Is this considered a quicker-getaway thing than lunch/dinner, or...?  Not hanging out at coffee shops (or even liking coffee), I don't quite get the phenomenon.

I quickly learned that if you've never met before, coffee dates are much better. I'm not much of a coffee fan either, but you know the phrase "for the price of a cup of coffee ..."? For the price of a cup of coffee, you go on a date.

My first online date was a dinner date. I suggested a location, but she wanted to try somewhere more expensive. At the end of the meal, I politely offered to pay, expecting the usual response where she protests and offers to pay half. Except she didn't say a fucking word, she just let me pay the entire bill at the expensive place she had nominated.

So I paid for my lesson in online dating. Next morning I met another girl at a coffee shop, and it was way better.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on March 26, 2010, 02:04:13 AM
I'm a vegetarian, atheist democrat living in the deep south.  Most of my first dates are disasters.  
You should share for our enjoyment. ;D

Could make a website: Red State Date


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on March 27, 2010, 10:15:37 PM
"Coffee" turned out to be longer than a dinner would have been.    Hooray for naming conventions.   :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on March 27, 2010, 11:19:36 PM
Second date then?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on March 28, 2010, 12:43:15 AM
Hopefully it was a mutual thing, unless she held you hostage and wouldn't take "gee look at the time..." for an answer...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Furiously on March 28, 2010, 04:12:38 AM
When I was young, saying you were an MIT grad/engineer would have got you the opposite of laid.  (whatever that is)

Married, I believe is the term.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on March 28, 2010, 04:59:26 AM
 :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on March 28, 2010, 09:41:26 AM
'Twas mutual, and a second date is in the works.  I am cautiously hopeful.   :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Arrrgh on March 28, 2010, 10:10:39 AM
Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on March 28, 2010, 01:40:14 PM
Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live." - Mark Twain


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on April 21, 2010, 04:52:25 PM
New blog at Okcupid. (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/04/07/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating/)  It's an interesting piece on how the pay-dating sites are almost entirely a rip-off.  The stats are less than rock-solid but there's some good info in there.

I joined Okcupid myself in mid-January.  Sent out maybe 15-20 messages over 2 months or so, had a pretty good response rate (above 50%) and even got a fair number of unsolicited messages, but then I did have a pretty awesome profile  :awesome_for_real:  Anyway, I've been happily seeing someone I met there (and never would have met without the site) for about a month and a half now.  If anyone is borderline about the whole thing... just give it a try.  You've really got nothing to lose with the free sites.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on April 22, 2010, 11:34:34 AM
Had suspected that the odds were bad on the name-brand sites, but not THAT bad.  Hard to refute numbers directly from the horse's mouth.

OKCupid's matching system seems to want me to move to Austin or something, heh.   :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on April 24, 2010, 09:28:31 AM
Quote
OKCupid's matching system seems to want me to move to Austin or something, heh. 

Where do you live now?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on April 26, 2010, 11:08:38 AM
OKCupid is awesome.  I met my fiancee there.   :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on April 26, 2010, 12:40:04 PM
OKBitter is the website where Divorce lawyers hang out.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on April 26, 2010, 01:07:31 PM
Quote
OKCupid's matching system seems to want me to move to Austin or something, heh. 

Where do you live now?

(http://forums.f13.net/index.php?action=dlattach;attach=2683;type=avatar)

"Planet Hooston."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on April 26, 2010, 02:51:59 PM
Depending on which part of the city you're in then, it might be a shorter drive to meet someone in Austin. ;D


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on April 26, 2010, 03:09:18 PM
Depending on which part of the city you're in then, it might be a shorter drive to meet someone in Austin. ;D

No doubt, given Houston's size...  Galveston and Austin are equal in terms of distance for me.

That said, Austinites don't seem to like to come down here...  Guess our music scene scares them or something.  ;D


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on April 26, 2010, 04:08:05 PM
Definitely the music.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on April 26, 2010, 04:21:29 PM
We have a music scene?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on April 26, 2010, 05:52:09 PM
Precisely.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Hoax on April 26, 2010, 06:41:05 PM
I'm a vegetarian, atheist democrat living in the deep south.  Most of my first dates are disasters.  
You should share for our enjoyment. ;D

Could make a website: Red State Date

I would read it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on April 26, 2010, 06:58:45 PM
Could make a website: Red State Date
I would read it.

This idea...it smells of money and win.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: climbjtree on April 28, 2010, 10:43:15 AM
I grew up in Dallas, and if you ever mentioned anything to anyone about going to Houston it was cause for ridicule.

There's a close race between Houston and El Paso to be the armpit of Texas. I haven't made my pick, yet I'm leaning towards Houston because of the horrid heat/humidity situation.

Srsly, Houston blows.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on April 28, 2010, 11:01:05 AM
The funny thing is we think the same of Dallas.  It's where hicks go to pretend to be cultured. ;D


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: climbjtree on April 28, 2010, 05:09:32 PM
Hey, I won't argue that. I only visit Dallas these days, and every time I do I leave amazed at how snooty the whole place is.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on April 28, 2010, 05:19:29 PM
There's a close race between Houston and El Paso to be the armpit of Texas. I haven't made my pick, yet I'm leaning towards Houston because of the horrid heat/humidity situation.
As much as I hate Houston and have to regularly visit it now due to my ex having moved there, I will give El Paso the nod.  Because it's way the fuck out in the middle of nowhere and like 7 hours from the nearest "big" city.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on May 28, 2010, 01:11:09 PM
...for those of you who've had success with OKCupid, what age range are you in?  Wondering if my close proximity to 40 skews things a bit.

Had two people write me on there so far, both seem pretty interesting.  #1 stopped writing or signing on after about 10 days, #2 wrote me once and hasn't replied since but still signs on.  Contact frequency about the same as pay sites, but the follow-through is abysmal by comparison.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on May 28, 2010, 04:02:19 PM
You've been blown off by #2. Evidently she didn't like something in your response.  Next time don't tell her about your level 80 Paladin until AFTER the sex date.  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on May 28, 2010, 04:44:40 PM
You've been blown off by #2. Evidently she didn't like something in your response.  Next time don't tell her about your level 80 Paladin until AFTER the sex date.  :grin:

Blown off?  You think?   :awesome_for_real:  Gotta stop making conversation about shared interests...

I've been of a mindset the last couple of years that someone similar to myself (ie - same rare personality type) would likely be my best fit.  However, after seeing how self-centered, needy, and erratic most others of that type are...  I'm beginning to doubt that theory.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on May 28, 2010, 04:52:03 PM
You've been blown off by #2. Evidently she didn't like something in your response.  Next time don't tell her about your level 80 Paladin until AFTER the sex date.  :grin:

Yeah, before that point stick strictly to the rogue and warlock.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on May 28, 2010, 06:12:06 PM
Nobody likes Pallys.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on May 28, 2010, 09:11:26 PM
Buddy met his current girlfriend on there, he's mid-20s.

However, I've only met her in passing once, so I can't give any judgment. However, she's Korean, if that means anything.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on May 28, 2010, 09:56:51 PM
...for those of you who've had success with OKCupid, what age range are you in?  Wondering if my close proximity to 40 skews things a bit.
Had two people write me on there so far, both seem pretty interesting.  #1 stopped writing or signing on after about 10 days, #2 wrote me once and hasn't replied since but still signs on.  Contact frequency about the same as pay sites, but the follow-through is abysmal by comparison.

Okcupid definitely tends towards the 20-something crowd.  And just like in real life, in order to be successful at dating, you can't get too attached to any particular profile or person.  If a person doesn't write back, you've got to shrug your shoulders and move on.

Also, 10 days is a long time to be messaging someone - I usually asked if they want to meet (in a casual setting!) after 2 or 3 good messages.  You are looking for dates, not friends, after all.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on May 29, 2010, 01:04:11 AM
Buddy met his current girlfriend on there, he's mid-20s.

However, I've only met her in passing once, so I can't give any judgment. However, she's Korean, if that means anything.

She has her own paladin?  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on May 29, 2010, 08:05:49 AM
No idea; the one time a bunch of us were hanging out, instead of going out for dinner on her birthday or something, she just sat there and played pokemon...

Also, the few Korean women I've met have all been a bit crazy to varying degrees.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on May 29, 2010, 09:16:26 AM
Also, 10 days is a long time to be messaging someone - I usually asked if they want to meet (in a casual setting!) after 2 or 3 good messages.  You are looking for dates, not friends, after all.

Long distance tends to skew timelines, I find.  That said, I couldn't imagine dating someone I couldn't be friends with...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Pennilenko on May 29, 2010, 10:22:13 AM
Also, all the few Korean women I've met have all been a bit crazy to varying degrees.

FIFY


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on May 29, 2010, 11:00:12 AM
That said, I couldn't imagine dating someone I couldn't be friends with...

You need to repeat this over and over for the majority of men out there. 

Guys tend to get so sucked in by their physical attraction that they forget this very thing.  When I was younger, there was a direct correlation between hotness and amount of crazy I was willing to tolerate.  Though I have to admit that some of the best sex I've ever had was with women I couldn't stand being around longer than a couple of hours. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on May 29, 2010, 11:19:55 AM
My reply was entirely tongue-in-cheek Min. You need to get laid an unwind some.  Maybe try a dating site?  :drill:

Also, since it doesn't fit nicely in Funny Pictures, Hot Chicks or this thread.. I choose this thread for this:


Anywho, tried any of the geek dating sites? Seems to me only poor young kids use the free ones, and only 'normal' people who look down on gaming would frequent the more traditional pay sites.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on May 29, 2010, 12:12:34 PM
Anywho, tried any of the geek dating sites? Seems to me only poor young kids use the free ones, and only 'normal' people who look down on gaming would frequent the more traditional pay sites.
The opposite, actually. You want as large a pool of people as you can get, and walling off by requiring people to pay shrinks it considerably. OKCupid had some sort of article where they compared themselves and eHarmony, the logic seemed to be fairly sound on a brief readthrough.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on May 29, 2010, 12:28:37 PM
The link is in fact in this thread (I think a few pages back). The logic makes sense in terms assessing the number of people you message v. the number who can reply (ignoring those that want to). The only gap might be taking into account the demographics of the site, I could see OKCupid skewing more towards the younger crowd. I actually made a profile on OKCupid out of curiosity, most of the matches I got were either crazy looking girls (based on profile not just picture) or young single mothers (this was in the 20-28 age range). Not sure if that says something about the type of people on OKCupid or something about me based on the stuff I've given them so far.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on May 29, 2010, 03:51:52 PM
My reply was entirely tongue-in-cheek Min. You need to get laid an unwind some.  Maybe try a dating site?  :drill:

I caught it, hence the  :awesome_for_real: in my reply.  Maybe should have made that a wink-smiley instead.  :-)

That said, it has been a year without a day off...  Just 2 more weeks to vacation...

That said, I couldn't imagine dating someone I couldn't be friends with...

You need to repeat this over and over for the majority of men out there.  

Guys tend to get so sucked in by their physical attraction that they forget this very thing.  When I was younger, there was a direct correlation between hotness and amount of crazy I was willing to tolerate.  Though I have to admit that some of the best sex I've ever had was with women I couldn't stand being around longer than a couple of hours.  

That's actually the reason for my singleness at this time - I stopped going for "cute, sexy, and seems nice" and opted for "sort of person I can be close friends with long-term."  And agreed 100% regarding best sex.

(edit : grammarz)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on June 01, 2010, 02:13:18 PM
Also, the few Korean women I've met have all been a bit crazy to varying degrees.

See my long-dead review article on Lineage 2. ALL Koreans are fucking nuts.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on June 01, 2010, 03:45:01 PM
...for those of you who've had success with OKCupid, what age range are you in?  Wondering if my close proximity to 40 skews things a bit.

Had two people write me on there so far, both seem pretty interesting.  #1 stopped writing or signing on after about 10 days, #2 wrote me once and hasn't replied since but still signs on.  Contact frequency about the same as pay sites, but the follow-through is abysmal by comparison.

I was 28 at the time and she was 30/31


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on July 27, 2010, 04:55:51 PM
New OkCupid blog entry : And what do we lie about (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-biggest-lies-in-online-dating/)?

I bump my height up by 1" depending on the mood of the day (I'm 5'9"-ish), I admit.  The picture stats threw me a bit at first, though, but on reflection mirrors my experience IRL.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: LK on July 27, 2010, 09:44:31 PM
I will give them some credit and say this does make me want to rejoin OKCupid.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on July 27, 2010, 09:55:39 PM
I am disappointed that they didn't add a section comparing people who didn't put their income. I personally always thought it's somewhat crass to state how much money you make on a profile but I guess after reading that, I'm starting to think differently. I always figured you could get financial red flags in summaries and such (I live with my parents and am in my 30s, etc.)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on July 28, 2010, 12:21:38 AM
I always figured you could get financial red flags in summaries and such
As my ex-wife is now finding out, a boyfriend with no job and no ambitions for one does not make a long term relationship.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sir T on July 28, 2010, 09:54:11 AM
As my ex-wife is now finding out, a boyfriend with no job and no ambitions for one does not make a long term relationship.

You forgot the :smug:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on August 02, 2010, 06:58:23 PM
New OkCupid blog entry : And what do we lie about (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-biggest-lies-in-online-dating/)?

I bump my height up by 1" depending on the mood of the day (I'm 5'9"-ish), I admit.  The picture stats threw me a bit at first, though, but on reflection mirrors my experience IRL.

I enjoyed the height part. I've been told by dudes shorter than me that I am obviously taller than I am (I'm 5'11") because THEY'RE 5'11". It makes me laugh every time.  :heart:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on August 02, 2010, 07:15:36 PM
I fully admit the height thing. My drivers license says 5'9. I'm more like 5'7 and a half, and I have been known to claim 5'10 in the past. A friend of mine who's 6'4 says that people who claim (or actually think) they are 6 feet are even worse, especially when they don't believe he's only 6'4 because there is clearly a foot of difference.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on August 02, 2010, 08:11:43 PM
I've seen the height thing some myself, since I'm 5'10".  I have to break it to them gently that they are shorter than they think.  "No, really.  I have not grown any in the last fifteen years.  My doctor can verify I am not six feet tall."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on August 02, 2010, 10:23:11 PM
I like actually being 6'3-4" tall.  No reason to lie!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Furiously on August 03, 2010, 03:36:20 AM
I like actually being 6'3-4" tall.  No reason to lie!

Just be glad you are not 6'8"!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: proudft on August 03, 2010, 12:49:15 PM
I'm 6'2" and anyone over about 5'11" or so I always overestimate their height.  I'm so used to looking down at people, I guess, that if someone's eyes are getting close to my eye level I start assuming they are taller than me.

Then I run into a person who is actually 6'4" or more and then I remember, yeah, THAT's what a taller person looks like.  That whole 5'11" to 6'3" range gets pretty fuzzy for me though.  I'd be terrible at the police lineup.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: K9 on August 03, 2010, 03:17:06 PM
Hah, you can select C++ and LISP as languages you speak in their profile settings, but not perl.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on August 03, 2010, 03:23:58 PM
Wow... people lie about themselves to get dates on the internets?  UNPOSSIBLE?

I will never understand the shortsiightedness of people.  I have friends that use dating sites and they constantly complain about

a) women using REALLY old pictures of themselves.

b) women lighting their face with ridiculously bright light to hide their age in photos

c) women lying about their employment/relationship status.

I imagine that guys are even worse.  I can't imagine any woman taking the risks involved with internet dating.  Too many nutjobs out there.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Rasix on August 03, 2010, 03:24:18 PM
I might be one of the few shorter folks that round down.  Anytime I said 5'9" and a half I felt like a short guy trying to be taller.  But then again, I've been in the same relationship since I was 21, so I've no reason to puff myself up anymore.  My wife's 5'5" so I feel tall at home.  :awesome_for_real:  My driver's license says 5'6" since I haven't updated anything since I was 16.

Sadly, I would have been a full inch or so taller without my back issues.  </world's smallest violin>


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on August 03, 2010, 05:59:13 PM
I'm 6'2" and anyone over about 5'11" or so I always overestimate their height.  I'm so used to looking down at people, I guess, that if someone's eyes are getting close to my eye level I start assuming they are taller than me.

Then I run into a person who is actually 6'4" or more and then I remember, yeah, THAT's what a taller person looks like.  That whole 5'11" to 6'3" range gets pretty fuzzy for me though.  I'd be terrible at the police lineup.

I sort of do that too, actually. If I don't feel like I have to tilt my head to look at their face, I tend to describe them as "about my height." Ingmar is what, 6'1"? I think of him as my height. Maybe a more accurate decription is "if I magically become taller than them if I put on heels," I will put them in the "my height" category.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on August 03, 2010, 06:07:20 PM
I used to round up to 6'2", then I went through a phase of being overly precise and being 6'1" and some fraction, and then I decided it was all pointless vanity and just say 6'1" now if for some reason someone asks. I have terrible posture
anyway, so really I'm probably more like 6 feet even in practice. I'm sure I would have put 6'2" on my profile info back in my early 20s.

EDIT: And yeah I might have been taller but for the whole non straight spine thing, which causes the bad posture to an extent etc etc. Now we can have TWO tiny violins.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on August 05, 2010, 05:08:16 PM
If you want to be overly precise just get a measurement in cm. I'm 183 (or just over 6'). I've never felt much need to lie but then I'm apparently lucky enough to have just hit that magic number. Also I'm really terrible at doing stuff to maximise female interests because some small voice in my head keeps shouting that it's better to be honest than have attention. Or at least I feel better about myself being honest and ignored than loved. I've made a deal with myself that if my love life continues to be barren and I get into half-decent shape for next year I'm going to try okcupid. If I have any really entertaining disasters I promise to let you guys know.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on August 05, 2010, 06:06:17 PM
5'-10 1/2" last I was measured in High School 18 years ago, if we're being 'totally accurate'. Tall enough to not be short, short enough to not fall into the whole, "Your lifespan is shortened if you're over 6"-0" problem."

However, Cincinnati seems littered with Teutonic gods, because I'm towards the short end of the pack around here. I look around the supermarket lines and regularly see women my height or better.  Took a trip back to Cleveland 5 years ago and was reminded of its Slavic roots in the same situation. I was TALL with only 4-5 men near my height or taller and not a woman in sight near me.

Regional differences are fun.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on August 05, 2010, 06:19:55 PM
I seriously think if they switched to metric for height measurement they'd see less lying, even if just because they wouldn't have that magic 6' hanging around.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on August 05, 2010, 08:16:06 PM
Especially since Americans won't actually be able to even picture what 183 cm is for the most part.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on August 06, 2010, 03:04:17 PM
It's like trying to figure out how hot it is in Celcius, or how much something weighs in kg.  :uhrr:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on August 20, 2010, 08:27:47 AM
Another study : Internet access at home increases likelihood of being in a relationship (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100816095615.htm).

Quote
"With the meteoric rise of the Internet as a way couples have met in the past few years, and the concomitant recent decline in the central role of friends, it is possible that in the next several years the Internet could eclipse friends as the most influential way Americans meet their romantic partners, displacing friends out of the top position for the first time since the early 1940s," Rosenfeld said.

Also interesting...

Quote
Among couples who met within two years of the HCMST Wave I survey in the winter of 2009, 61 percent of same-sex couples and 21.5 percent of heterosexual couples met online.

The bolded part mirrors my experience - most same-sex couples I know met online.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on August 20, 2010, 08:35:51 AM
That doesn't surprise me too much.  If you're not in college with a student group or involved in some GLBT oriented group (social or otherwise), finding potential partners can be extremely difficult.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on August 20, 2010, 12:52:08 PM
That doesn't surprise me too much.  If you're not in college with a student group or involved in some GLBT oriented group (social or otherwise), finding potential partners can be extremely difficult.

Maybe if you all wore armbands or little stars pinned to your shirts...   :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NiX on August 24, 2010, 12:04:26 PM
Maybe if you all wore armbands or little stars pinned to your shirts...   :why_so_serious:
:oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on August 24, 2010, 07:54:56 PM
So far internet dating has been a waste of time.  But it's sure fun to read crazy people's profiles and go "damn, some people are nuts."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on August 24, 2010, 08:54:51 PM
You'll have to share some.

The REALLY good part is when you stop and think about it for a minute.   That's what they're willing to admit to a stranger, so imagine the deep, dark recesses of crazy they're keeping secret.  You know, so they don't seem weird.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on August 24, 2010, 09:15:49 PM
You'll have to share some.
The people whose profile lists their religion (completely different than yours) and how it's their life and for some reason the matcher thinks you 2 would do well together.

The person who has never dated anyone and is 40 years old (and lives with their parents) and has some REALLY odd ideas on what they think dating should be like...

All I've gotten so far though is one person who likes to talk about video games and music playing with me, everyone else has not responded to my messages ;-)  Hence it's mostly a waste of time, but I get to read crazy profiles.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on August 25, 2010, 08:32:07 AM
My favorites were the ones with lists of requirements for a potential suitor.  Typically, reading through the list narrows the potential field down to, maybe, 6 people.  7 tops.  IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.  I'm not talking 18 year old princesses either, I'm talking about 35-45 year old single women with mediocre looks and poor prospects.

it's a certain type of crazy that just always gave me giggles and made me feel sorry for them at the same time.

And then there were the awesome ALL CAPS profiles.  Usually professing some desire for dates with people with advanced degrees from top colleges.

Still, don't give up.  There are normal people out there, it just takes some effort to weed through the loonies.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Mosesandstick on October 12, 2010, 03:02:52 PM
Rezzing this thread to say the okcupid blog (oktrends) continues to be stupidly awesome. FYI, women are twice as likely to say the Earth is bigger than the sun  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on October 12, 2010, 09:41:46 PM
So the 2nd person who ever responded to me via okcupid is actually fun to talk to and hang out with.  Who would have guessed?  I'm just waiting for some type of crazy or personality flaw to show up...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on October 12, 2010, 09:58:13 PM
So the 2nd person who ever responded to me via okcupid is actually fun to talk to and hang out with.  Who would have guessed?  I'm just waiting for some type of crazy or personality flaw to show up...
Sounds like you want to be alone.

Edit: Also, I suppose now it's a good time to respond to your first post on the subject:
Quote
You'll have to share some.
The people whose profile lists their religion (completely different than yours) and how it's their life and for some reason the matcher thinks you 2 would do well together.

The person who has never dated anyone and is 40 years old (and lives with their parents) and has some REALLY odd ideas on what they think dating should be like...

All I've gotten so far though is one person who likes to talk about video games and music playing with me, everyone else has not responded to my messages ;-)  Hence it's mostly a waste of time, but I get to read crazy profiles.
So, two responses and one turned out pretty good? Sure, it took 2-3 months but there's some combination of location / otherwise that was at play there. Not to mention possible age bracket and well, really, maybe they think you're crazy?

Anyway, grats?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on October 12, 2010, 10:45:28 PM
So, two responses and one turned out pretty good? Sure, it took 2-3 months but there's some combination of location / otherwise that was at play there. Not to mention possible age bracket and well, really, maybe they think you're crazy?
I think it's a combination of the fact that I have a kid, I look like a scary headbanger, and don't do any drugs or drink?  A friend of mine said living in the San Francisco bay area is going to be hard to date since she said it's very male-centric and I don't date guys.  But seriously, fuck if I know.  It's not like I'm listing my WoW accomplishments or my D&D character stats all over the place, so I don't come off as the "obvious" nerd type.  And I'm not exactly refusing to cast a wide net age-wise or anything.  As I said, fuck if I know.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nerf on October 13, 2010, 04:03:19 AM
You'd think that the high concentration of gay dudes would increase your chances, not decrease them.  It shifts the effective male:female ratio drastically in your favor.

As for dating - take her shooting.  Seriously.  I'm sure theres a range around there somewhere that rents pistols, it'll probably cost you $50-60 for rental fees, range fees, and ammo for 2.  I've never had a shooting date go poorly, it's exciting, fun, and 90% of the time pretty rewarding for the woman, as females will almost always shoot far better than males if neither have any experience.

While not a date, this is the closest thing I can give you for how awesome shooting stuff is - my mother-in-law(to be) *hates* guns.  She started crying when stef told her that I had A (1) gun, she called her sister and they both had a little panic-attack weepfest thinking that one night my gun was just going to gain sentience, sprout legs, and murder us in our sleep.  Stef decided it best to not mention the other 11 at this time.

MIL(tb) visited us about a month ago, and before she left we took her to a local shooting range.  It took about 10 rounds from my Ruger Mk III .22lr pistol and she was hooked.  She kept asking for another loaded mag, and wanted to shoot all of the other guns.  Only one she wouldn't touch was the .308 AR, as she was afraid of the recoil after putting a few hot self-defense rounds out of a compact 9mm downrange, it was a bit snappy.

Grinning from ear to ear the entire time, and kept saying she wanted to shoot a lot more the next time she visited - 24 hours prior she didn't even want to be in the same house as guns.

If that doesn't work for you, find somewhere with indoor rockclimbing if you're not in terrible shape - the exercise+adrenaline will help your chances immensely.
If you're in terrible shape, find somewhere with go-kart racing that has reasonably fast karts, same reasons as above.

If you're in terrible shape, and you can't find anything exciting to do, get a friend to 'mug' you while walking back to your car/train station/whatever, make sure he has a shiny (but dull) knife, and be a hero.  Make sure you immediately grab her and put her behind you, and then fend him off in a way that a real mugger would be able to escape from so that he can quickly run the fuck away.*

*Don't try this in Texas, we all carry guns, it's pretty fucking impossible to get a carry permit in CA, so your friend should be safe.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on October 13, 2010, 04:36:02 AM
 :ye_gods:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nerf on October 13, 2010, 04:44:26 AM
:ye_gods:

What? Doesn't everyone use the fake mugging?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on October 13, 2010, 04:46:02 AM
Are you finally outing yourself as a joke account?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Arthur_Parker on October 13, 2010, 05:03:17 AM
You can't unring the crazy bell.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on October 13, 2010, 06:05:49 AM
:ye_gods:

What? Doesn't everyone use the fake mugging?

We can't manage this in Scotland;  every time we try, the guys always get carried away and end up stabbing and robbing friends.

It gets messy.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Mosesandstick on October 13, 2010, 07:22:00 AM
Carried away? It's the norm for them  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on October 13, 2010, 07:34:30 AM
You'd think that the high concentration of gay dudes would increase your chances, not decrease them.  It shifts the effective male:female ratio drastically in your favor.

As for dating - take her shooting.  Seriously.  I'm sure theres a range around there somewhere that rents pistols, it'll probably cost you $50-60 for rental fees, range fees, and ammo for 2.  I've never had a shooting date go poorly, it's exciting, fun, and 90% of the time pretty rewarding for the woman, as females will almost always shoot far better than males if neither have any experience.

While not a date, this is the closest thing I can give you for how awesome shooting stuff is - my mother-in-law(to be) *hates* guns.  She started crying when stef told her that I had A (1) gun, she called her sister and they both had a little panic-attack weepfest thinking that one night my gun was just going to gain sentience, sprout legs, and murder us in our sleep.  Stef decided it best to not mention the other 11 at this time.

MIL(tb) visited us about a month ago, and before she left we took her to a local shooting range.  It took about 10 rounds from my Ruger Mk III .22lr pistol and she was hooked.  She kept asking for another loaded mag, and wanted to shoot all of the other guns.  Only one she wouldn't touch was the .308 AR, as she was afraid of the recoil after putting a few hot self-defense rounds out of a compact 9mm downrange, it was a bit snappy.

Grinning from ear to ear the entire time, and kept saying she wanted to shoot a lot more the next time she visited - 24 hours prior she didn't even want to be in the same house as guns.

If that doesn't work for you, find somewhere with indoor rockclimbing if you're not in terrible shape - the exercise+adrenaline will help your chances immensely.
If you're in terrible shape, find somewhere with go-kart racing that has reasonably fast karts, same reasons as above.

If you're in terrible shape, and you can't find anything exciting to do, get a friend to 'mug' you while walking back to your car/train station/whatever, make sure he has a shiny (but dull) knife, and be a hero.  Make sure you immediately grab her and put her behind you, and then fend him off in a way that a real mugger would be able to escape from so that he can quickly run the fuck away.*

*Don't try this in Texas, we all carry guns, it's pretty fucking impossible to get a carry permit in CA, so your friend should be safe.

The fun part of this post is in trying to find the parts that aren't batshit crazy.  I'm still looking!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: tgr on October 13, 2010, 08:29:58 AM
Well, I don't consider rock climbing as that insane, if that helps.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on October 13, 2010, 09:17:18 AM
Well, I don't consider rock climbing as that insane, if that helps.

It is. Don't do this. Trust me.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on October 13, 2010, 10:27:02 AM
So the 2nd person who ever responded to me via okcupid is actually fun to talk to and hang out with.  Who would have guessed?  I'm just waiting for some type of crazy or personality flaw to show up...

FWIW, grats.   :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Furiously on October 13, 2010, 11:09:39 AM
Nothing can go wrong with a fake mugging.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Mrbloodworth on October 13, 2010, 11:13:29 AM
Thought they did that in Flight of the Concords.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: K9 on October 13, 2010, 05:11:29 PM
Solid advice, straight out of the Travis Bickle school of dating  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on October 13, 2010, 06:03:45 PM
I tried online dating again in July after stupidly breaking up with a girl I met online, to go back to my ex, who it turned out was just messing with me. I moved on.

Australia's biggest online dating site is called RSVP. It features a "top 100" of the most-contacted profiles. I reached number 3. More women than I could meet.

Somehow that made it worse - lots of first dates, no chemistry. The girls I liked tended to think I was too nice and bemoan their attraction to bad guys, while the girls I didn't like tended to think I was their perfect man. Thought I'd met the right girl one time, but on the way to our second date she decided she wasn't ready to start dating again. So I quit as Australia's third-hottest man.

It continues to be a very draining experience, building up to meeting someone you already know heaps about, then having nothing come of it. Recently I've been more successful offline.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on October 13, 2010, 06:29:17 PM
So I quit as Australia's third-hottest man.

I just found this little tidbit quite funny.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on October 14, 2010, 06:12:56 AM
It continues to be a very draining experience, building up to meeting someone you already know heaps about, then having nothing come of it. Recently I've been more successful offline.

My experience was to not spending lots of time getting to know someone through emails.  It just doesn't work that way.  The last half of my online dating I pushed very hard to meet in person for 10 or 15 minutes within two or three days of emailing.  15 minutes in person is worth 1000 emails, to twist an analogy.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on October 14, 2010, 08:32:47 AM
I tried online dating again in July after stupidly breaking up with a girl I met online, to go back to my ex, who it turned out was just messing with me. I moved on.

Australia's biggest online dating site is called RSVP. It features a "top 100" of the most-contacted profiles. I reached number 3. More women than I could meet.

Somehow that made it worse - lots of first dates, no chemistry. The girls I liked tended to think I was too nice and bemoan their attraction to bad guys, while the girls I didn't like tended to think I was their perfect man. Thought I'd met the right girl one time, but on the way to our second date she decided she wasn't ready to start dating again. So I quit as Australia's third-hottest man.

It continues to be a very draining experience, building up to meeting someone you already know heaps about, then having nothing come of it. Recently I've been more successful offline.
Why are there so many misplaced Jersey douchebags in Australia?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on October 14, 2010, 09:47:31 AM
The girls I liked tended to think I was too nice and bemoan their attraction to bad guys, while the girls I didn't like tended to think I was their perfect man.
Congratulations on being every man in existence. Trust me, there was at least -one- girl saying to Mr. Manson,"Sorry, Charlie, you're just not mean enough for me"


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on October 14, 2010, 09:55:22 AM
Trust me, there was at least -one- girl saying to Mr. Manson,"Sorry, Charlie, you're just not mean enough for me"

At a guess, it was probably Sharon Tate.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on October 14, 2010, 10:14:22 AM
The REALLY good part is when you stop and think about it for a minute.   That's what they're willing to admit to a stranger, so imagine the deep, dark recesses of crazy they're keeping secret.  You know, so they don't seem weird.

For that reason alone, online dating can be a massive ego boost at times.   :awesome_for_real:

Most recent date : relatively pleasant woman, near 50, no relationship experience, "heretofore unknown by man."   :ye_gods:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on October 14, 2010, 01:46:25 PM
:drillf:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on October 14, 2010, 04:00:12 PM
Well, I don't consider rock climbing as that insane, if that helps.

It is. Don't do this. Trust me.

I went to an indoor rock-climbing place on a date with someone from Okcupid in March, and it might have been the best date I've been on.  That whole doing-physical-things together really, really works - I'd never go on a first date where the only thing to do is make conversation. 

We're still seeing each other.  :awesome_for_real:
 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on October 14, 2010, 04:36:39 PM
Behold, the two-factor theory of emotion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two_factor_theory_of_emotion) in action.   :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on October 14, 2010, 11:49:52 PM
I went to an indoor rock-climbing place on a date with someone from Okcupid in March, and it might have been the best date I've been on.  That whole doing-physical-things together really, really works - I'd never go on a first date where the only thing to do is make conversation.  

We're still seeing each other.  :awesome_for_real:

If it works for you, great!

I suppose the difference is that there is a wide skill variance between say me and a date, and it is also something that's difficult without a little bit of practice - no one walking in off the street is going to have enough finger/arm strength or technique, and the general consensus at our gym is that it's just a bad idea :)

Something physical for a date, sure, but not something so specialized.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on October 15, 2010, 06:08:21 AM
Rock climbing probably works better as a date if both parties are novices.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on October 15, 2010, 07:15:37 AM
Didn't think about that, but yeah, we both were. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on October 15, 2010, 02:20:34 PM
I'd never go on a first date where the only thing to do is make conversation. 
Eh, different strokes.  When I first met the person, we talked for almost 3 hours about all sorts of different things.  It was fun talking to someone again!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on October 15, 2010, 02:31:23 PM
My single OKCupid dating experience started by exchanging emails with a girl on a Sunday and Monday.  Phone conversations on Tuesday through Friday.  Then a date on Saturday. 

The wedding is in April.





Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nerf on October 15, 2010, 02:43:53 PM
I went to an indoor rock-climbing place on a date with someone from Okcupid in March, and it might have been the best date I've been on.  That whole doing-physical-things together really, really works - I'd never go on a first date where the only thing to do is make conversation.  

We're still seeing each other.  :awesome_for_real:

If it works for you, great!

I suppose the difference is that there is a wide skill variance between say me and a date, and it is also something that's difficult without a little bit of practice - no one walking in off the street is going to have enough finger/arm strength or technique, and the general consensus at our gym is that it's just a bad idea :)

Something physical for a date, sure, but not something so specialized.

I did mean indoor rock climbing, not hardcore outdoor stuff, and I'm pretty sure the indoor stuff is far, far easier - I've only climbed the little indoor walls at events maybe 4 or 5 times in my life, and a few weeks ago at the state fair I was able to make it up the 'hard' side (tiny foot/hand holds, with a 1.5-2' or so bulge coming out towards you a little over 1/2 way up.  Took me 40 seconds with a fucked up shoulder from laying sod the week prior and a handgun in my pocket.

And I'm NOT in good shape - it can't be that hard unless the wall was just so simple it was a joke and I don't know better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-2VVWVH6cs

Edit: The fumbling at the top is because I thought there was a bell. There was no bell  :heartbreak:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on October 15, 2010, 02:52:49 PM
For the longest time I avoided even reading this thread, but being newly separated has made me go back and read through all 22 pages. I had a great laugh, but really would like to unsee this thread now, thanks.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on October 15, 2010, 03:22:58 PM
I did mean indoor rock climbing, not hardcore outdoor stuff, and I'm pretty sure the indoor stuff is far, far easier - I've only climbed the little indoor walls at events maybe 4 or 5 times in my life, and a few weeks ago at the state fair I was able to make it up the 'hard' side (tiny foot/hand holds, with a 1.5-2' or so bulge coming out towards you a little over 1/2 way up.  Took me 40 seconds with a fucked up shoulder from laying sod the week prior and a handgun in my pocket.

And I'm NOT in good shape - it can't be that hard unless the wall was just so simple it was a joke and I don't know better.

You did fine, and I think with practice you could do very well. As for how hard it was, well, yes, it's a novice route, but it's at a goddamned state fair and you have no training. You aren't going to be doing the iron cross on the side of the mountain like in mission impossible. Also that autobelay has been recalled from the market, they really shouldn't be using it :/

I did mean indoor, yeah. I just feel that trying to include someone into anything that you do as a hobby that requires skill and training is a bad idea if you perform on a whole other level. It's perfectly fine to include people on things that you like, but I just don't think it's first or second date material that's all.

Congratulations Draegan, that's pretty awesome!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nerf on October 15, 2010, 03:31:56 PM
I did mean indoor rock climbing, not hardcore outdoor stuff, and I'm pretty sure the indoor stuff is far, far easier - I've only climbed the little indoor walls at events maybe 4 or 5 times in my life, and a few weeks ago at the state fair I was able to make it up the 'hard' side (tiny foot/hand holds, with a 1.5-2' or so bulge coming out towards you a little over 1/2 way up.  Took me 40 seconds with a fucked up shoulder from laying sod the week prior and a handgun in my pocket.

And I'm NOT in good shape - it can't be that hard unless the wall was just so simple it was a joke and I don't know better.

You did fine, and I think with practice you could do very well. As for how hard it was, well, yes, it's a novice route, but it's at a goddamned state fair and you have no training. You aren't going to be doing the iron cross on the side of the mountain like in mission impossible. Also that autobelay has been recalled from the market, they really shouldn't be using it :/

I did mean indoor, yeah. I just feel that trying to include someone into anything that you do as a hobby that requires skill and training is a bad idea if you perform on a whole other level. It's perfectly fine to include people on things that you like, but I just don't think it's first or second date material that's all.

Congratulations Draegan, that's pretty awesome!

I assumed that the person who read my rockclimbing idea and went "hey, thats a good idea" was probably not an avid rockclimber themselves, as if they were it probably come up in conversation naturally and give someone at least an idea of whether or not their date would enjoy doing it.

Back on topic, I'm not sure if I mentioned it in the engagement thread, but I met my fiancée on OkCupid as well, our first date was coffee at starbucks, and after 15 or 20 minutes of conversation we realized we were hitting it off so we grabbed chinese food and went back to my place to watch movies/my brother play ps3.

Just goes to show that theres hope for everyone - if *I* can find someone, it should be a walk in the park for people who aren't crazy.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on October 21, 2010, 09:52:08 PM
I got a match on one service yesterday who, in one photo, was wielding a pistol and wearing glasses at the range.  And then I thought of this thread for some reason.   :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on October 22, 2010, 06:10:57 AM
I got a match on one service yesterday who, in one photo, was wielding a pistol and wearing glasses at the range.  And then I thought of this thread for some reason.   :awesome_for_real:

Nerfs girlfriend is cheating on him?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nerf on October 22, 2010, 10:47:14 AM
I got a match on one service yesterday who, in one photo, was wielding a pistol and wearing glasses at the range.  And then I thought of this thread for some reason.   :awesome_for_real:

Nerfs girlfriend is cheating on him?

Fiancée - I know it's hard to wrap your head around, but someone actually looked at me, knowing exactly who I am, and went "Yeah, I want to spend the rest of my life with him"

Like, woah.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Soulflame on October 22, 2010, 10:56:12 AM
Pfft, I proved anyone could get married almost 20 years ago.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: ghost on October 22, 2010, 10:58:06 AM
Yeah, I would say that you are the rule, rather than the exception on this board Nerf.   :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on October 22, 2010, 03:49:07 PM
Pfft, I proved anyone could get married almost 20 years ago.
I'm disproving your proof! ;D


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MuffinMan on October 22, 2010, 04:12:54 PM
It's been a year since I dated a girl from okCupid for a few weeks and she is still stalking me. A week ago she was sending me text messages that she was outside my place waiting for me.  :ye_gods:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: ShenMolo on October 22, 2010, 04:31:23 PM
I got engaged recently to a woman I met on Match a couple years ago.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nerf on October 22, 2010, 05:26:00 PM
It's been a year since I dated a girl from okCupid for a few weeks and she is still stalking me. A week ago she was sending me text messages that she was outside my place waiting for me.  :ye_gods:
Is she hot?

Pics or GTFO and all that.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Falconeer on October 22, 2010, 06:33:26 PM
Late to the party. Over four years, OkCupid provided me with an amazing number of friends all over the world and quite an astounding number of lovers, who I am still quite close to. The algorithm is neat enough to weed out people with too many dealbreakers, I greatly appreciate that.

As a polyamorous pansexual genderqueer born and living in the wrong country, my life without the internet shrinking the world and putting some of us weirdos together would have been hell.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on October 23, 2010, 11:15:07 AM
As a polyamorous pansexual genderqueer

For some reason I now mentally preface all your posts with this. I don't think it affects how I read them but it makes every single one a little more awesome.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Der Helm on October 23, 2010, 02:01:10 PM
As a polyamorous pansexual genderqueer

For some reason I now mentally preface all your posts with this. I don't think it affects how I read them but it makes every single one a little more awesome.
Best "grief" title ever  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on October 25, 2010, 09:15:37 AM
As a polyamorous pansexual genderqueer

For some reason I now mentally preface all your posts with this. I don't think it affects how I read them but it makes every single one a little more awesome.
Best "grief" title ever  :awesome_for_real:
You didn't even need to post that and it would've happened when I found that post.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on October 25, 2010, 09:45:48 AM

Fiancée - I know it's hard to wrap your head around, but someone actually looked at me, knowing exactly who I am, and went "Yeah, I want to spend the rest of my life with him"

Like, woah.

Asymtotic Quantum String Theory is hard to wrap your head around.  You being engaged is just a mindfuck.

Did you pair get together using the knife mate trick ?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on October 25, 2010, 10:33:12 AM
Did you pair get together using the knife mate trick ?

Someone want to translate that from Scottish to American for me? I have no idea what this trick is.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tarami on October 25, 2010, 10:45:18 AM
Refer to page 22.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on October 25, 2010, 10:53:39 AM
Refer to page 22.

Ah yes, the fake mugging. Brilliant idea, that.  :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Falconeer on October 25, 2010, 11:47:55 AM
As a polyamorous pansexual genderqueer

For some reason I now mentally preface all your posts with this. I don't think it affects how I read them but it makes every single one a little more awesome.
Best "grief" title ever  :awesome_for_real:
You didn't even need to post that and it would've happened when I found that post.

This is a weird and somewhat appreciated grief. Thanks to the combination with my avatar, I like to think Dani Bunten would be proud of me.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: K9 on October 27, 2010, 10:02:43 AM
Congratulations  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on October 27, 2010, 12:14:27 PM
Because I'm looking for hilarity this afternoon...

I have a third date tonight   :-o, which reminded me of the "third date rule."  We've already talked and are Not There Yet(tm), but what are your thoughts on said rule in general?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on October 27, 2010, 12:15:05 PM
What the fuck is the 'not there yet' rule? 2nd base?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MuffinMan on October 27, 2010, 12:17:44 PM
Sounds like "hide the sausage" to me.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on October 27, 2010, 12:21:36 PM
Sounds like "hide the sausage" to me.

That's the third date rule, yep.  Had never heard of it until a few months ago myself.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Typhon on October 27, 2010, 12:24:16 PM
My understanding is that it's some sort of combination of these:

For Girls: don't sleep with him until the third date or he'll think you're easy
For Guys: if she isn't sleeping with you by the third date she's not into you and isn't likely to sleep with you.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Slayerik on October 27, 2010, 12:33:48 PM
If I'm not fuckin' her by the 3rd hour, or close, then I'm failing as a man.

At least, that was my theory a decade ago when picking up bar floozies / drunken chicks at parties.



On a serious note, I think it was my 2nd 'date' with current baby momma and previous baby momma. Guess I'm just ahead of the curve, in number of kids and amount of dates to get ladies to get to business.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on October 27, 2010, 01:55:50 PM
Sigh.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on October 27, 2010, 02:20:26 PM
Sigh.

Point taken.  Post deleted.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on October 27, 2010, 02:56:37 PM
(http://nosmirkale.com/rant/images/familytree.jpg)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on October 27, 2010, 07:11:17 PM
My understanding is that it's some sort of combination of these:

For Girls: don't sleep with him until the third date or he'll think you're easy
For Guys: if she isn't sleeping with you by the third date she's not into you and isn't likely to sleep with you.
That's crazy.  I've already been out with the person I am seeing like 6 or 7 times and it's never even come up.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Furiously on October 27, 2010, 10:56:34 PM
That's crazy.  I've already been out with the person I am seeing like 6 or 7 times and it's never even come up.

They sell Viagra for that.... :rimshot:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on October 28, 2010, 08:30:51 AM
On a serious note, I think it was my 2nd 'date' with current baby momma and previous baby momma. Guess I'm just ahead of the curve, in number of kids and amount of dates to get ladies to get to business.

Any person that uses the phrase "baby momma" shouldn't be breeding. Especially by accident.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Typhon on October 28, 2010, 08:35:42 AM
My understanding is that it's some sort of combination of these:

For Girls: don't sleep with him until the third date or he'll think you're easy
For Guys: if she isn't sleeping with you by the third date she's not into you and isn't likely to sleep with you.
That's crazy.  I've already been out with the person I am seeing like 6 or 7 times and it's never even come up.

Lol, don't shoot the messenger.

...

I'm semi-successfully resisting the urge to make a joke containing both the words "hard" and "fast".


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on October 28, 2010, 08:43:15 AM
That's crazy.  I've already been out with the person I am seeing like 6 or 7 times and it's never even come up.

You seem to be missing the point.  Dating is a means to finding a mate.  Mating involves copulation.  If neither of you are interested in copulation with the other, to the point that you have seen each other for weeks now (six or seven dates could be well over a month) and have never broached the subject, then you are both wasting your time.

If you think you are being gentlemanly by not discussing it then be assured that she is probably thinking you're not really interested enough in her to ask.  We (men) get told that women don't like sex and it's a chore to them.  That's only true if you are really bad at sex or live in the 50's; otherwise most women like sex and more importantly, like to be thought of as sexy and desirable.  Which means telling them that you find them sexy.

That's all for this session of life tips by Murgos.  As with all internet advice, YMMV.

edit:  I am not saying you have to have sex.  I am saying you have to let her know she is sexually attractive to you.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on October 28, 2010, 10:46:12 AM
While I suspect that Murgos is right that most women want to be at least vaguely approached on the subject of sweaty snugglebunnies, I don't think one can make the generalization that the 3rd date is the clincher. I think there has to be a more circumstantial analysis. What if the lady is a widow who is just now starting to get back into dating? You wanna start mackin' on a widow and have her leave in tears before desert arrives? That's gonna look great.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Typhon on October 28, 2010, 11:13:44 AM
Interesting.  Could you recommend a scaling factor to adjust the inequality?  I suggest that we start with something simple:

AdjustedMaximalTimeToFucking - 3 * ShriekabilityRatio <= 0

That formula says that if you aren't knocking on heaven's door within an adjusted number of days you're being a chump.

Until more research can be done, I think that the ShriekabilityRatio would best be represented by a data table.

Female TypeShriekabilityRatio
Widow2
Slut0.33
Reformed Slut3
CPA1.5
Convict0.1
Nun10
Ex-Nun5

Where multiple categories apply I think we should just multiply them.  Example 1: Widow Slut would yeild a ShriekabilityRatio of .66, whereas a Convicted Nun would give a ShriekabilityRatio of 1 (just three dates till you are banging the Convict Nun, who knew it could be so easy!).

(sorry Engels, your post just struck me funny)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on October 28, 2010, 11:46:19 AM
I think you are onto something and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on October 28, 2010, 12:41:15 PM
I think Typhon is on to something here...

Like to recommend adding "virgin" as a type and a bonus "crazy" multiplier, though.   :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Morat20 on October 28, 2010, 02:05:15 PM
I think Typhon is on to something here...

Like to recommend adding "virgin" as a type and a bonus "crazy" multiplier, though.   :oh_i_see:
Need "bipolar" and "chameleon" on the list. Bipolar's obvious, but the chameleon's are the ones that are TOTALLY into whatever it is their current obsession is into.

You can tell who they're dating by the way they dress and act. (For the male version, see "Randy" from "My Name is Earl").


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on October 28, 2010, 03:51:45 PM
Also add "single mom" although I am torn at the value.  Higher than slut but lower than CPA.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Morat20 on October 28, 2010, 03:55:44 PM
Also add "single mom" although I am torn at the value.  Higher than slut but lower than CPA.
Depends on the single mom. Some work out to be "I don't mention having a kid until you're already invested in this" and others are very much "I mention the kid the moment I talk to someone dateable" and still others are "I'm picky as fuck because any guy I date is a guy my kid is going to be exposed to".


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on October 28, 2010, 03:58:17 PM
Also add "single mom" although I am torn at the value.  Higher than slut but lower than CPA.
Depends on the single mom. Some work out to be "I don't mention having a kid until you're already invested in this" and others are very much "I mention the kid the moment I talk to someone dateable" and still others are "I'm picky as fuck because any guy I date is a guy my kid is going to be exposed to".

But they are all usually horny, or so I have heard.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on October 28, 2010, 04:01:40 PM
But they are all usually horny, or so I have heard.

Something to be said for dating women between 29-36, with or without kids.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on October 28, 2010, 04:07:39 PM
Serious response:  There's no right time.  If you're enjoying each other company, don't worry how long it is until you get it on.

Like to recommend adding "virgin" as a type and a bonus "crazy" multiplier, though.   :oh_i_see:
Don't you mean a multiplier for "not-crazy"?  Crazy is already factored in to the default value.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on October 28, 2010, 04:24:49 PM
Serious response:  There's no right time.  If you're enjoying each other company, don't worry how long it is until you get it on.

People apparently minmax EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Morat20 on October 28, 2010, 04:52:35 PM
But they are all usually horny, or so I have heard.
My wife was a single mom when I met her. She was...very cautious. Then again, the reason she was a single mom was that her ex-husband was a crazy fucker.

I can't blame her for being cautious. As to horny -- I'd imagine that has more to do with the fact that "single moms" are often in their late twenties or early thirties, with the higher sex drives, than any kid-enforced chastity.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Typhon on October 28, 2010, 05:13:56 PM
[...]
Don't you mean a multiplier for "not-crazy"?  Crazy is already factored in to the default value.

I lol.   :heart:.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on October 28, 2010, 07:47:58 PM
Serious response:  There's no right time.  If you're enjoying each other company, don't worry how long it is until you get it on.
Nice to see someone thinks this way.  I'm just enjoying socializing with someone who actually enjoys going out and doing things that I think are fun.

I mean seriously, the last person I dated for almost 14 months before having sex (and no, neither of us were religious).  We also got married after 3 years together.  It's just not a priority for everyone.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on October 28, 2010, 08:21:04 PM
[...]
Don't you mean a multiplier for "not-crazy"?  Crazy is already factored in to the default value.

I lol.   :heart:.

Ah, but crazy can go so many ways that it's hardly a fixed value.   :awesome_for_real:

(edit: less cider, more sense)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Slayerik on October 29, 2010, 01:47:51 PM
On a serious note, I think it was my 2nd 'date' with current baby momma and previous baby momma. Guess I'm just ahead of the curve, in number of kids and amount of dates to get ladies to get to business.

Any person that uses the phrase "baby momma" shouldn't be breeding. Especially by accident.

Yeah, because I give a shit what schild of f13 thinks about me being a dad.

Breeding is serious business. Luckily, I'm fuckin' awesome at it and have great kids. All eighteen of them.



EDIT: Misread Typhon post.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Der Helm on October 29, 2010, 03:51:09 PM
All eighteen of them.
Beat me to it.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on October 29, 2010, 06:13:19 PM
My great uncle Packie had 18 kids and he made a great example of why quantity doesn't necessarily beat out quality when it comes to being a parent.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on October 29, 2010, 09:50:44 PM
Slayerik is Chedder?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on October 30, 2010, 01:28:47 AM
rofl


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on December 12, 2010, 01:29:25 PM
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/HarryHarrison

Julian Assange. Fo' Rizzle.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on December 12, 2010, 04:26:49 PM
The stainless steel rat?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on December 12, 2010, 04:51:41 PM
Apparently!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cheddar on December 13, 2010, 07:08:32 PM
HA.  Also - there is no reason to NOT have relations on the first date.  Hell, I can  only think of a couple times this didn't happen with me - just move in and seal the deal.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Furiously on December 13, 2010, 09:12:59 PM
The stainless steel rat?

No.... That would be James Bolivar DiGriz...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on December 14, 2010, 10:36:46 AM
HA.  Also - there is no reason to NOT have relations on the first date.  Hell, I can  only think of a couple times this didn't happen with me - just move in and seal the deal.
I'm not sure most of us are ready for dating advice from Wilt Chamberlain.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on December 15, 2010, 03:53:13 PM
I don't think Wilt has as many kids as Ched.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on January 17, 2011, 11:36:01 AM
Arise, ye dating thread.

Match.com gets a(nother) lawsuit regarding inactive users (http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/010611dnbusmatch.5aa743.html).

Quote
Dallas-based online dating site Match.com is facing a federal lawsuit alleging that more than half of its profiles belong to inactive members or scammers.

The complaint, filed Dec. 30 in U.S. District Court in Dallas, alleges that the company does not remove profiles of customers who cancel subscriptions or vet profiles that may be fake.

The complaint also alleges that Match.com encourages members to renew subscriptions by sending them a message from an inactive or fake profile expressing romantic interest.

Wonder if they can get the guys from OKCupid who did the subscriber stats in as expert witnesses...

Can't say they are the worst of the sites (*cough*True.com*cough*), but I can't argue with any of the complaints in the lawsuit from my own personal experience.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on January 17, 2011, 04:24:01 PM
That was certainly a complaint of mine when I was using the site, along with that you can't tell who is and is not a subscriber.  Put the two of those things together and I felt like most of my introductory emails went nowhere.

Which, it now turns out was what happened.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sand on January 17, 2011, 04:25:10 PM
I used Match.com and met my SO on it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 17, 2011, 08:21:56 PM
Put the two of those things together and I felt like most of my introductory emails went nowhere.

Which, it now turns out was what happened.
Pretty much how internet dating worked out for me!  Guess I'll have to do the old fashioned thing and go hang out in bars... ;-)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 19, 2011, 08:02:13 AM
I used Match.com and met my SO on it.


But when?  I met my wife through it, but that was 2001.  The site has changed a lot and the industry is much more competitive now.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sand on January 19, 2011, 11:25:49 AM
I used Match.com and met my SO on it.


But when?  I met my wife through it, but that was 2001.  The site has changed a lot and the industry is much more competitive now.

2005/6.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Mrbloodworth on January 19, 2011, 12:21:48 PM
I used Match.com and met my SO on it.


According to match.com, you are still looking!

 :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Jeff Kelly on January 20, 2011, 04:07:14 AM
The one gripe I have with those dating services is that you cannot specify anything about sexual preferences. For me at least this is another aspect where you should kind of be on the same page.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on January 20, 2011, 04:37:03 AM
I'm pretty sure OKCupid let's you specify, unless you were referring to the pay sites.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 20, 2011, 07:08:34 AM
The one gripe I have with those dating services is that you cannot specify anything about sexual preferences. For me at least this is another aspect where you should kind of be on the same page.

Err.. are you talking kinks or just normal stuff like Bi, Gay, Straight?  That's what the "man looking for X" question is all about.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Oban on January 20, 2011, 07:16:08 AM
Jeff, would you mind expounding a bit more about your gripe?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on January 20, 2011, 10:13:39 AM
The option to select "seeking both genders" seems to be a rare thing for the most popular dating sites, but many at least now let you specify "same gender" (did eHarmony ever cave on that?).

While OKCupid is a bit better about it with "available" (poly/open relationship) and GLB descriptors, last I checked they were behind on the TQ part of the spectrum.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on January 20, 2011, 12:13:08 PM
eHarmony never did, no.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sand on January 20, 2011, 12:54:54 PM
I used Match.com and met my SO on it.


According to match.com, you are still looking!

 :why_so_serious:

Shhhhh dont tell my wife!  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Jeff Kelly on January 20, 2011, 01:42:12 PM
I was talking about kinks, actually. Most of the sites that exclusively deal with bringing people with certain kinks together are really creepy and even if they keep the creepiness level down they are mostly dealing with the sex part.

Initially this got me thinking that it would be nice if I could just add that to my profile on a normal dating site to give those matching algorithms the option to check if people are on the same page there.

Then I realized that you cannot add anything beyond 'i like boys/girls' to a profile. Yet even people who are more vanilla probably have different preferences, likes and dislikes and at least in my opinion sexual compatibility is important in a relationship so I wondered why it isn't dealt with.

How can you claim to match people to each other when you ignore such an integral part of relationships? That's really the only gripe I have with dating sites.

On the other hand how can you deal with something like that without becoming some sort of adult friend finder? I suppose that's why it isn't already done.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 20, 2011, 01:51:04 PM
Mainstream is where the volumes are in online dating.  I think it is just simple economics. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 20, 2011, 01:52:57 PM
You deal with it the same way OKCupid does.  A series of tests that are optional and give you little stickers indicating such when you're matched with someone.  "So and so is a little less kinky than you are" or "So and so would think you're the definition of vanilla in bed."   :grin:

Of course, I see a business opportunity here.

Mainstream is where the volumes are in online dating.  I think it is just simple economics. 

 Depends on the mainstream you're going for.  Them youngin's are exposed to all the shit the Boomers, us and older genY have slapped up on the internet.  To say they're kinkier than we are is probably a massive understatement.  Coincidentally they're also the largest segment of single folks.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on January 20, 2011, 03:52:32 PM
I was talking about kinks, actually. Most of the sites that exclusively deal with bringing people with certain kinks together are really creepy and even if they keep the creepiness level down they are mostly dealing with the sex part.

Yeah, they can be pretty creepy.

Aside from Merusk's suggestion, if kink is a must-have in a relationship, looking into local groups can be a better way to approach the issue - especially if you live in or near a large metropolitan area.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on February 02, 2011, 04:01:23 PM
Match.com buys Okcupid for 50 million. (http://techcrunch.com/2011/02/02/match-com-acquires-online-dating-site-okcupid-for-50-million-in-cash/)

Well, that sucks.  Okcupid was by far the best of the free ones.  The Oktrends article on how pay-dating sites are a scam is already gone.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on February 02, 2011, 04:04:22 PM
Well then. That's over.

The people who founded OKCupid should be ashamed.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on February 02, 2011, 04:21:20 PM
They can wash the same away in their money baths.   For all their bluster about how much better they were than pay sites, in the end it's always about getting paid.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on February 02, 2011, 04:22:25 PM
Quote
"We are excited to join forces with Match because it is clear that no company is more committed to helping people find relationships," said Sam Yagan, co-founder and CEO of OkCupid.  "This marriage offers us the best of both worlds: the autonomy to continue pursuing OkCupid's original vision and the ability to leverage Match's reach and expertise to grow even faster."

$50 million buys you autonomy?   :headscratch:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sand on February 02, 2011, 08:09:27 PM
Well then. That's over.

The people who founded OKCupid should be ashamed.

No its just means a niche opened in the online dating market and some one else can make money buckets.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on February 02, 2011, 10:45:38 PM
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/39720/miscellany/okc/OKTrends%20-%20Never%20Pay%20for%20Online%20Dating.png


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sand on February 02, 2011, 11:00:11 PM
In that editorial the author tries to take revenue amounts and use them to deduce subscriber numbers. He MUST be an MMORPG player!
 :grin:



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on February 03, 2011, 10:04:45 AM
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/39720/miscellany/okc/OKTrends%20-%20Never%20Pay%20for%20Online%20Dating.png

Match didn't ask us to censor that post (http://www.observer.com/2011/tech/okcupid-we-didnt-censor-our-matchcom-bashing-blog-post) says OKCupid.   :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on February 03, 2011, 11:39:27 AM
Plentyoffish

Not quite as pretty or robust as OKCupid, but it just worked for me.  In fact, given this is probably plain luck, I had more success on it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on February 04, 2011, 03:52:14 PM
Well then. That's over.

The people who founded OKCupid should be ashamed.

Good luck in business with that attitude.  Ashamed?  Good for them.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MahrinSkel on February 04, 2011, 04:02:57 PM
They got their payoff, now they can go play, or start another business, or whatever.  They 'proved' the business model to the point someone had to pay them off, they don't have some kind of Holy Mission to keep going until Match.com finds some other way to crush them.

--Dave


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on February 04, 2011, 04:41:52 PM
They got their payoff, now they can go play, or start another business, or whatever.  They 'proved' the business model to the point someone had to pay them off, they don't have some kind of Holy Mission to keep going until Match.com finds some other way to crush them.

--Dave

Depends on how big you like to think I guess. My motive would have been to crush Match with a superior product and have easy cashflow for the rest of my life.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MahrinSkel on February 04, 2011, 04:46:52 PM
Netflix and RedBox between them crushed Blockbuster.  But in the 90's, both of them went *to* Blockbuster, desperate to get their resources and access.  If Blockbuster had been willing to pony up the cash to compete with them in the new business model (destroying their own old one), all your pay-per-view and subscription content TV would be Blockbuster by now.

Business is a game, you keep score with cash and there's always grounds to walk away a winner, rather than roll the dice again.

--Dave


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on February 05, 2011, 08:40:47 AM
Sure there is. I don't blame anyone for selling out. Most people that do are petty and insecure people who have never had any shot at real success, yet.

It depends on what motivates you as a business person. If it's just the money to get to a point where you can stop, then that's a great time to leave.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sand on February 05, 2011, 11:22:32 AM
I don't blame anyone for selling out. Most people that do are petty and insecure people who have never had any shot at real success, yet.

 :uhrr: :ye_gods:

Was that supposed to be in green?

Energy Brands dba Glaceau, the maker of Vitamin Water, was started just 14 years ago by a guy in NY going through divorce and bankruptcy.
It sold to Coca Cola in 2007 for $4.2 BILLION in cash.

I dont know about you, but thats just smart business and given he went from bankruptcy to company with annual revenues of $350 million a year in just over a decade seems he was pretty successful to me.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MuffinMan on February 05, 2011, 11:32:11 AM
:uhrr: :ye_gods:
Green? No, I think you misinterpreted the "most people" Paelos referred to.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on February 05, 2011, 01:21:31 PM
I could see the how it was missed. Not the best language effort on my part.

Most people that blame others for selling out are...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on February 08, 2011, 05:29:33 PM
Very fun new article on OKCupid using statistics to figure out what people are likely to think.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-best-questions-for-first-dates/

Also contains the awesome line "The basic currency of the Internet is human ignorance, and, frankly, our database holds a strong cash position!"


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on February 08, 2011, 10:47:45 PM
I'm not shocked statistics have revealed religious conservatives are subliterate, ignorant retards.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on February 09, 2011, 09:31:44 AM
Sooooo.  Do you guys like beer? :drillf:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: K9 on February 09, 2011, 10:21:28 AM
These articles are always fascinating; I'm surprised that these guys haven't written a book yet about everything.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on February 09, 2011, 12:36:21 PM
I'm not shocked statistics have revealed religious conservatives are subliterate, ignorant retards.

They perfer life sample, k?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on February 10, 2011, 01:45:02 AM
I'm not shocked statistics have revealed religious conservatives are subliterate, ignorant retards.
They perfer life sample, k?
Ow.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on February 10, 2011, 01:53:16 PM
These articles are always fascinating; I'm surprised that these guys haven't written a book yet about everything.

They might have but they just got $50MM.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on April 08, 2011, 09:56:09 AM
I'm just going to put this here. I really have no words.

http://www.whatsyourprice.com/


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on April 08, 2011, 10:17:30 AM
Hmm. How is this not flat out prostitution?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on April 08, 2011, 10:49:46 AM
The same way escorts aren't, I guess. Nothing explicitly says that they have to sleep with you...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Der Helm on April 08, 2011, 10:59:05 AM
The same way escorts aren't, I guess. Nothing explicitly says that they have to sleep with you...
Wow. Some people are really really reeeeeaaally full of themselves.

My favourite so far. (http://www.whatsyourprice.com/#!/~Playfulnparadise)  :uhrr:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on April 08, 2011, 12:16:58 PM
Pfft, if you're willing to go there, the major cities have much better escort services without the question marks.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on April 08, 2011, 10:15:31 PM
Bleh, side-implant. :uhrr:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Der Helm on April 09, 2011, 05:28:43 AM
Enter my vault ... (http://www.whatsyourprice.com/~Playfulnparadise#!/~Kelari)

 :ye_gods: :ye_gods: :ye_gods:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on April 12, 2011, 02:24:41 PM
Is she paying me?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on April 12, 2011, 02:55:29 PM
The number of times that "prostitution" is mentioned on this page of their site (http://www.whatsyourprice.com/#!/press) is impressive.  Or something.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on April 12, 2011, 02:57:09 PM
Is she paying me?

If I understand it correctly, users are divided into "Attractive" (you pay them) and "Generous" (they pay you).  She's listed as a "Generous Female."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on April 12, 2011, 02:58:58 PM
Ironic on several fronts.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on December 26, 2011, 05:53:47 AM
I miss this thread and I am messing with internet dating, having sadly lost a good relationship six months ago. To my surprise, most women I am matched with or initiate contact with want to chat.
--

Date #1: CEO of a Hollywood-connected company. Dated 3 times. She wants to keep seeing me, but I decided she's absolutely not for me. Big eyes, wealthy, boring, annoying, nothing there. I suck.

Date #2: Cute blonde American living in Australia (where I am), went back to the States for holidays, gave me her number to stay in touch, doesn't reply. That's that.

Date #3: Way too hot to be online dating. Talks to me for two weeks and we arrange to meet. Suddenly she closes her account.

Date #4: Criminal lawyer, champion of lost causes, great person. Spends her day in prisons. Bad dentist extracted her lower canines when she was a kid, leaving her a weird but cute smile. After a great night, she suggests "we need a part 2", I agree. We're leaving the restaurant, she's going to get a cab. I casually offer her a lift, as my car is nearby and she lives in the next suburb. She eyes me like I belong in jail and continues to the cab. No response to my text suggesting restaurant for part 2. Sigh.

Date #5: We hit it off in online conversation. We like each other's photos and what we wrote. We talk on the phone and it's good. I ask if she wants to meet, she says no, she's "afraid of the disappoint". We still talk.

Date #6: Hot, fit, systems engineer. Really tall (1 inch shorter than me). Chats to me for 3 weeks. We arrange a date, 7pm tomorrow. Until a few moments ago, when she emailed that she's "sort of seeing someone" and regrets she must cancel. FFS.

Do you want to know more?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on December 26, 2011, 08:27:31 AM
Do you want to know more?
Since I gave up on dating, sure!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on December 26, 2011, 08:37:44 AM
Sure, do tell. I'm pretty sure I cannot even do internet dating here...if I do, pretty sure the results will be both hysterical (for you) and disastrous (for me). :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on December 26, 2011, 08:39:18 AM
Yes but those sites are chock full of laffs    :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on December 26, 2011, 08:48:23 AM
And nuts and flakes.   :why_so_serious:

I need to revisit this thread while tipsy sometime and post a few of my own Tales...   :rimshot:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on December 26, 2011, 10:23:59 AM
I have no tales... No one seems to communicate with me. Yet, this is not at all unlike real life...  :drill:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on December 26, 2011, 12:42:18 PM
I am messing with internet dating...

It's sort of comforting to know that there are just as many weirdos doing Internet dating in Australia as over here in the US.

Re: a couple of your stories, I've noticed that whenever I meet someone from the Internet and I think to myself "you seem WAY too attractive and together to be fishing for dates on the Internet, what gives?" it turns out they're "sort of seeing someone" and were using the Internet dating thing as a distraction while their other plans firmed up.

Not that I can complain too much.  There are worse things in life than serving as a temporary distraction for crazy hot girls.   :grin:  But I'm starting to think that if I want "serious" women I need to start trolling other waters.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Teleku on December 26, 2011, 01:02:32 PM
Sure, do tell. I'm pretty sure I cannot even do internet dating here...if I do, pretty sure the results will be both hysterical (for you) and disastrous (for me). :grin:
I hear there are a variety of Nigerian Princess's looking for husbands!  Think of the possibilities!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: ghost on December 26, 2011, 07:33:14 PM
I'm glad I'm married.   :ye_gods:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MuffinMan on December 26, 2011, 11:01:00 PM
Two years later now from my only online dating experience and I'm still being stalked.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on December 27, 2011, 10:31:35 AM
Ah let's see. I have a few of these:

First of all, I've gotten to the point where I never trust a chick with no pictures of herself that don't show her full body. Too many women just post a bunch of head and shoulders shots and when you get to the actual date, SURPRISE, very overweight.

I went out with one girl recently from Buffalo. She was a nice girl with a good family and she enjoyed talking. Things seemed to go well. I sent her a message saying we should get together for a second date at dinner. She says that sounds great. She suggests Wednesday. I say I can pick her up and go to a place around her area. She says it might be easier due to traffic to meet me there. Day of the date she cancels with some bullshit about travelling earlier than expected and needing to pack. I'm like  :oh_i_see:.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on December 27, 2011, 01:29:06 PM
So try to reschedule?  It's not like she stood you up. 

Tale, I'm not sure what you're complaining about.  You've had a string of dates with some very attractive, successful women that you probably wouldn't have met offline.  Not finding the right one yet is a reason to keep looking and having fun, not to give up.

Strazos, are you still in DC?  Since you're a liberal future/current FSO, you're really doing yourself a disservice by not checking the DC Okcupid crowd.  The government attracts some very interesting people of all types, and there's always new people coming in.  Also, lawyers.  So many lawyers. 

/resident Okcupid fanboy


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on December 27, 2011, 01:57:05 PM
So try to reschedule?  It's not like she stood you up. 

Cancelling day of is pretty much standing someone up. Also, I sent her a message and got nothing back. It was the obvious non-confrontational blowoff.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on December 27, 2011, 02:19:43 PM
It's probably because you're ugly.  Or Poor.

I wouldn't worry about it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on December 27, 2011, 02:29:49 PM
It's probably because you're ugly.  Or Poor.

I wouldn't worry about it.

And now I'm sad.  :heartbreak:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on December 27, 2011, 02:30:02 PM
Nothing sounds more enticing than dating in a pool dominated by lawyers.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on December 27, 2011, 02:39:34 PM
It's probably because you're ugly.  Or Poor.

I wouldn't worry about it.

And now I'm sad.  :heartbreak:

Hey, Chin Up;  All I'm saying is that if you were Hawt or Rich, you'd have been met.

Women; can't live with them and there are laws against stringing them up in your garage with piano wire.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on December 27, 2011, 02:45:35 PM
You make a solid point.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on December 27, 2011, 02:46:20 PM
/resident Okcupid fanboy
The SF Bay Area Okcupid group was utter shit.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on December 27, 2011, 03:40:47 PM
OKCupid seems to be great if you're either under 30 or poly.  Otherwise, you get what you pay for.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on December 27, 2011, 03:45:18 PM
Strazos, are you still in DC?  Since you're a liberal future/current FSO, you're really doing yourself a disservice by not checking the DC Okcupid crowd.  The government attracts some very interesting people of all types, and there's always new people coming in.  Also, lawyers.  So many lawyers. 

/resident Okcupid fanboy

Unfortunately, I mostly didn't have the time. I was working too much, and then near the end of my time there the relationship wouldn't have gone anywhere...which can be fine, but I had more important things to take care of. :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on December 27, 2011, 03:59:31 PM
OKCupid seems to be great if you're either under 30 or poly.  Otherwise, you get what you pay for.

Heh, true.  I've had and OK account for years to do some of the silly tests.  Last time I logged in I got some poly girl who was actually pretty cute checking me out. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on December 27, 2011, 04:09:12 PM
So try to reschedule?  It's not like she stood you up.  

Cancelling day of is pretty much standing someone up. Also, I sent her a message and got nothing back. It was the obvious non-confrontational blowoff.

Sometimes things do come up at the last minute.  You're probably right if she ignored your text, though.

Nothing sounds more enticing than dating in a pool dominated by lawyers.

I like smart, ambitious women.  Yeah, they're busy and stressed, but that means they often just want to go out and have fun.  

The SF Bay Area Okcupid group was utter shit.

It's hard to imagine two big America cities more different than DC and SF.  Anyway, you're mostly screwed living in California.  But not literally   :grin:

(http://creativeclass.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/04/03/singles_2.jpg)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on December 27, 2011, 04:25:27 PM
My city does have a ton of chicks in it. Crazy, crazy chicks.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on December 27, 2011, 04:37:10 PM
Huh, I'm surprised Los Angeles is so unbalanced.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on December 27, 2011, 04:47:00 PM
Tale, I'm not sure what you're complaining about.

I'm not complaining, I'm venting. I regard this as a perfectly normal way to meet women nowadays. My ex, for example, was an internet date who turned out to be a friend of a friend, with other acquaintances in common, so perhaps meeting online was just a way to accelerate what could have happened without the internet. But combining dating with internet-style information overload is an emotionally draining experience and there's some relief in posting about it.

Quote
You've had a string of dates with some very attractive, successful women that you probably wouldn't have met offline.  Not finding the right one yet is a reason to keep looking and having fun, not to give up.

Exactly.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on December 27, 2011, 06:09:30 PM
OKCupid in Pittsburgh is literally full of artists/writers in the female pool. Which is somewhat surprising considering none of them actually reply.  :why_so_serious:

Sadly, they seem much better than the barrel shaped leviathans that roam the cityscape and bar scene, even if they are mute.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Yegolev on December 27, 2011, 07:03:27 PM
Why are there so many single women in Miami?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Chimpy on December 27, 2011, 08:22:22 PM
Why are there so many single women in Miami?

Because women are inherently crazy and Miami is polar north for the crazy compass?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Slayerik on December 27, 2011, 08:58:55 PM
Why's that in green?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on December 27, 2011, 09:18:32 PM
Cause everybody knows it's the polar south, not north, duh.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Miasma on December 27, 2011, 11:07:57 PM
Maybe all the old widows.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on December 28, 2011, 12:15:47 AM
Having lived there for 5 years... They are the one that call themselves ladies. But.... It's a TRAP!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on December 28, 2011, 03:28:03 AM
By poly you people mean polyamory, right?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on December 28, 2011, 07:48:59 AM
lamaros - yes.

Re: Miami - on one of the sites I was on, I got a regular stream of matches from there.  All seemed to fit a pattern - "beach bunnies with kids."  Not sure if that's correlative or causative, tho...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on December 28, 2011, 10:11:16 AM
Huh, I'm surprised Los Angeles is so unbalanced.


Not to be snarky, but that chart needs to be adjusted to remove gay men. They are a majority of "single" men in the SF area.  If you are single guy in SF, try yoga.  Yes, yoga is not for everyone, but single women like it and a straight guy in a yoga class will have very very very good odds.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MuffinMan on December 28, 2011, 10:43:24 AM
Also, yoga pants.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on December 28, 2011, 12:21:55 PM
Taking up a hobby to pick up chicks is only something a raging asshole would do. Faking interest in a hobby is even worse.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on December 28, 2011, 12:31:40 PM
An argument could be made that almost all exercise is a hobby done to pick up the opposite gender (health and fitness being major determining factors in attractiveness).  I see no reason why yoga should be excluded just because it has a disproportionate amount of hot chicks.  If you're doing it right it'll make you sweat and build muscle.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on December 28, 2011, 01:15:54 PM
Huh, I'm surprised Los Angeles is so unbalanced.
Not to be snarky, but that chart needs to be adjusted to remove gay men. They are a majority of "single" men in the SF area.  If you are single guy in SF, try yoga.  Yes, yoga is not for everyone, but single women like it and a straight guy in a yoga class will have very very very good odds.
I doubt that's the case for the SF dot. Some number of those may be gay men (depending on how those stats were gathered) but think of how many tech people are living in SF. What percentage of those are female? It's the same reason San Jose has a big blue dot.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on December 28, 2011, 01:40:54 PM
This may be a dumb question, but are there that many more gay men in SF than gay women? 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on December 28, 2011, 03:51:42 PM
This may be a dumb question, but are there that many more gay men in SF than gay women? 

Yes, but there are probably more gay women than straight single guys.

And doing yoga as a fake hobby is not what I was recommending.  If you know you hate yoga, then you hate yoga.  If you have never tried it and you azre single in SF, then go try it.  You might find a girl there too.

Disclosure: I do not do yoga nor do I live in SF.  My evidence is purely anecdotal hearsay.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on December 28, 2011, 05:39:31 PM
Not to be snarky, but that chart needs to be adjusted to remove gay men. They are a majority of "single" men in the SF area.

I've lived in SF my entire life, friendo.  Gonna call bullshit on this unless you have some credible stats to back it up.  Last survey I saw said that about 16% of SF residents identify as gay.  That's pretty far from a majority.

As for "anecdotal hearsay", I don't think of any of the gay guys I know would count themselves as "single".  Unless you count the "bi" guys who only date girls.   :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on December 28, 2011, 06:48:20 PM
I think he meant he believes the majority of the "surplus" of single guys (i.e. what's represented by the big blue dot) in SF are gay.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Johny Cee on December 28, 2011, 07:09:45 PM
Taking up a hobby to pick up chicks is only something a raging asshole would do. Faking interest in a hobby is even worse.

There's a difference between taking up a hobby to pick up chicks, and just doing something that you're more likely to meet women (and just people) in your age cohort.  As you get older, it gets really easy to stay stuck in your ways and just not meet new people.

In my 20's, I picked up MTG again when I was burned out on bars and my friends we're starting families, and met alot of great people that way.  A few of the couples I still hang out with all the time I met through MtG.  This summer, I started going to all the gallery openings and social things, and it's been wonderful.  Met alot of interesting people that way, from cool middle-aged folks to weirdo artsy types to college volunteers...  good food and plenty of wine don't hurt either.


At 35, I've noticed that my age group is going through the first big divorce/separation period from their first marriages.  I've had more unsolicited lunch or coffee offers from people I run into through work or volunteering in the last two years then the ten before that.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Hawkbit on December 28, 2011, 11:32:29 PM
My wife and I know four married couples that started through match.com.  All four are still married past the two year mark, though one of them doesn't seem to be a very happy marriage.  The other three are strong though.  Four seems like a lot, really.  Maybe it works.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on December 29, 2011, 09:00:03 AM
I think he meant he believes the majority of the "surplus" of single guys (i.e. what's represented by the big blue dot) in SF are gay.


Right.  That chart does not distinguish in the blue dot between hetero- and homo- singles.  It counts all singles. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on December 29, 2011, 09:01:23 AM
Whether through online matchmaking or other activities, it's about being exposed to enough people that you chance across someone who is compatible.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Johny Cee on December 29, 2011, 09:02:12 AM
Whether through online matchmaking or other activities, it's about being exposed to enough people that you chance across someone who is compatible.

Exactly.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on December 29, 2011, 09:04:26 AM
Whether through online matchmaking or other activities, it's about being exposed to enough people that you chance across someone who is compatible.

Target rich environment?  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on December 29, 2011, 09:13:53 AM
Online dating works (I am married 10 years to my 4th Match.com date) because it offers a pool of self-identified people looking for a date/relationship/hook-up.  If you participate, you are much more likely to find someone sooner than just moving through your life normally.  You might meet your dream girl at Best Buy, but we all know that the odds are seriously against that.

Also, keep in mind that every date you have that doesn't blossom into a full relationship will only help you figure out the qualities that really matter to you. Many time, they are not the qualities you might have listed had you been asked before you started looking.  I found that what I thought were my physical "must haves" were really not that important in the end.  A true emotional bond will make her/him attractive to you.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Slayerik on December 29, 2011, 12:27:42 PM
As my father would say: "Beauty is skin deep. But ugly goes straight to the bone."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on December 29, 2011, 12:52:04 PM
My last online dating experience ended poorly.  I'm now married.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on December 29, 2011, 01:17:05 PM
My last online dating experience ended poorly.  I'm now married.

 :rimshot:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on December 29, 2011, 05:14:08 PM
Doing Yoga is a great way for a single guy to be exposed to a lot of women farting.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on December 30, 2011, 08:17:15 AM
Which could be the #1 reason to do it, actually.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on December 30, 2011, 08:27:07 AM
 :ye_gods:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on December 30, 2011, 08:35:38 AM
The look on a woman's face when she farts and knows a man heard it is FANTASTIC!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Mrbloodworth on December 30, 2011, 10:29:53 AM


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on December 30, 2011, 10:34:24 AM
During my several years of yoga, the number of farts (from either gender) was surprisingly low.

That said, I find dating more as a way to figure out what I don't want, rather than what I do want.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on December 30, 2011, 02:08:34 PM
So, I've recently finished successfully using the internet for dates.  I've been with my girlfriend for like 4 months now.  I met her on OK Cupid, and was also using plenty of fish.  She's a cute divorcee with no plans for children and a willingness to tolerate D&D night.  It's early, yet.  But things have been fairly smooth, minus a couple of minor baggage issues.  All within expected margins.

I went on between 50 and 75 (first) dates in 2011.  No, that's not an exaggeration.  I'm not telling you this to congratulate myself.  I am telling you because of some of the shit I'm seeing in this thread opining the happenstance of what I have come to accept as natural everyday asshole human behavior.

I have only one piece of advice to offer anyone, man or woman, who is endeavoring to ford the mighty waters of dating random people on the tubes.

LOWER YOUR GODDAMN EXPECTATIONS

You are not likely to meet the girl of your dreams on the first date.  You are far more likely to meet some twat you think is cute, but who is a divorced Russian bride with a clear understanding of the MySpace angle.  (Happened to me twice - no lie.)  I guarantee you will be far more successful in the long term if you date more women than you're probably comfortable with.  You will find a sense of confidence knowing that you have another date scheduled with some random bitch later in the week, while you're on a date with a person.  I'm not suggesting that you will have to go to the lengths I went to.  I am a broke ass artist.  I have like zero financial prospects.  I'm about as stable as a rubber duck on class 5 rapids.  You will do better than me.  HOWEVER.  If you puss out before you get really comfortable dating, you will settle for the first piece that allows you to get your beak wet.  And right before your darling apple lets her dark side known, you will get that bitch pregnant, and then you're going to remember my words right before you pull the trigger.

Get the date.  If she wants to chat a little first, okay.  If she wants to correspond vie email, or have a preliminary phone call, fine.  But get a coffee date within a couple of weeks or just assume she's moving in a different direction (she is).  You are trying to meet people.  She is too.  If she wasn't she would have plastered pictures of herself on the internet, risking being discovered by family or co-workers.  Even if you're on the fence about whether you're physically attracted, still probably get a date.  It's good experience.

And ladies.  Holy shit.  Stop pretending you're nice.  Out of the literally hundreds of women I corresponded with, maybe five or six had the balls to say, "I think you're great, but I'm just not interested."  While of course at first I was taken back by these words, with time I came to accept them with less than a sigh.  Why?  Because that bitch just saved me time, and the cost of an over-priced chai drink, a danish, and gas.  Really.  I thought about writing them back thanking them for the ten dollars.

And just as a matter of courtesy, I'll offer this:

Coffee dates are by far the most effective for real progress finding someone special.  However they never, ever, ever lead to ass on the first date.  It just doesn't happen.  Until you get to drinks, you might as well just accept it.  If you don't you're going to end up like dude a few posts up who scared off the girl he had worked so hard for a second date.  First dates over drinks, however, I find hold enough potential to make yourself plain.  Still here's some quick thinking I did to salvage a fizzle, "Well I wouldn't want you to think you weren't worth the effort."  You're welcome.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on December 30, 2011, 04:29:39 PM
Seek help.

Or meds.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on December 30, 2011, 04:33:45 PM
twat bitch bitch bitch

Well aren't you a catch.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on December 30, 2011, 04:37:48 PM
Forget the meds, I want stories from the 50-75 dates.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on December 30, 2011, 04:55:20 PM
truth

 :Love_Letters:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: slog on December 30, 2011, 04:56:17 PM
I think there is something to be said for that approach.  (easy for me to say, I've been married for 12 years)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on December 30, 2011, 06:37:33 PM
twat bitch bitch bitch ass $10

Well aren't you a catch.

Fixed.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on December 30, 2011, 09:28:42 PM
The stories aren't really all that interesting, honestly.  For the vast majority, it was just coffee.  A few times I managed to land dates with people who weren't looking for long term relationships, and yea, I managed to recognize it and shift gears in time to score.  But even though I found their expectations mostly set entirely too high, most girls are legitimately trying to find their next boyfriend.  Bearing in mind that when all things are considered, the chances that boyfriend will be you are probably relatively low unless you are Brad Pitt's long lost twin or something.  You can do a pretty good job of weeding out most of the crazy by answering a lot of questions and finding people who are at least capable of operating on your level.  At the end it's really just a whole lot of work after you get over the initial euphoria of how fantastically easy it is to fill your calendar with dates if you're willing to do it.

At first, I'd say probably 50% of the first dates were the last ones ended by her.  By the end, I found that I was the one telling people that I was sorry to report a lack of interest in the nicest way possible.  After I hit my stride, I didn't really have too much problem with second dates at all.  And the few that did end at the first date were obvious to both parties, and some of them I even still talk with some from time to time.

But after the first few dates, the story is just regular dating stuff.  Girls misrepresent themselves.  They wait till the fourth date to tell you they are stripping.  They lie outright about what they do for a living.  They decide to quit their jobs and move across the country.  They neglect to mention the child.  When confronted with your honest appraisal of the situation, they literally mentally break down and you become less of a date and more of psychiatric help facilitator.  All that kind of stuff happened.  But it looks way worse when the sentences are all together in one paragraph than it actually is.  In between the occasional nut job, I met several people with whom it just didn't work out for whatever reason.  I told myself I wasn't going to sell myself short and settle for the first naked boob, and I didn't.  All in all, I'd say it was a really positive, and fun experience - if exhausting.

Like other people have said, be wary of the lack of a full body photo, and don't be afraid to ask why they don't have one.  Of course if they list their weight as 'a few extra,' the answer is obvious.  Unfortunately, the MySpace angle is a thing people will shamelessly use.  When used in conjunction with the outdated photo trick, it is extremely risky.  I have been off by hundreds of pounds a couple times.  It's pretty awkward for you, and sad for her.  And just as a disclaimer for any overweight girls out there who might happen upon this - I actually did date a few girls who were marginally overweight.  But they were all ones who were upfront about it and had up to date photos in their profiles.  Surprise chins are not cool.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Miasma on December 30, 2011, 09:55:07 PM
What the hell is the "myspace angle" and why would ex russian brides use it?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on December 30, 2011, 10:07:40 PM
(http://dl.dropbox.com/u/963220/MySpace-Angles-6.jpg)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on December 30, 2011, 11:29:20 PM
That's actually a pretty tame example.  It's not obvious she's as big as she is, but you can still tell she's not petite. 

Here's the more extreme situation.  NSFW cleavage. 

Guys do this too (or put up pictures from 5 years or several inches of receding hairline ago).  If you're straight, it can interesting (and useful) to change your 'I'm looking for' settings and browse profiles of the same gender.  There's a lot of profiles out there that are both perfectly earnest and perfectly terrible, and learning to recognize some common mistakes will make your own profile better.  When I'm active on Okcupid, I get a decent amount of messages from women, and while I'm not ugly, I'm not someone women stop and stare at- I just have a good profile that I've actively sought out feedback on (although I'm also in a big city which is a huge help).

Anyway, I'm going to disagree that getting coffee is a good first date for everyone.  I'm not asocial but I'm still a lot more comfortable in a situation where whatever activity you're doing can fill an otherwise awkward silence or at least take away some of direct attention.  Climbing in a climbing gym, biking, even going for a walk/hike outside or in a museum gives you something else to talk about, while still letting you ask the standard first date questions. 

I suspect I'm also being a lot choosier about my dates.  If I had a date with a new woman every week I'd probably want a faster way to weed some out.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on December 31, 2011, 01:04:54 AM
To be fair, I live in coffee shops.  So I know a lot of the locals in various nearby places.  So I'm really comfortable there.  However, I honestly found that I was much better at just concentrating on the date versus trying to do something active.  I tried going on walks and troll with my ridiculously chick-magnetic dog, but I just didn't have good luck with it.  But that's just me.  I'm not a multi-tasker.  And yea, coffee or drinks are really good ways to go if you want to see a lot of people.

Living in San Jose puts San Francisco in my 50 mile search.  And man, oh man, how many times I wished I lived in the city during this process.  I can only speak for the Bay Area, but the pickings in the city here are better by orders of magnitude.  It's not that the burbs are all chaff.  There are definitely acceptable choices.  But the sheer ratio of outstanding candidates in the 30 something bracket in the city was noteworthy.  If you live in a city, and are single, you are crazy not to do this shit.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on December 31, 2011, 10:19:15 AM
This thread is made of awesome!
 :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on December 31, 2011, 12:13:05 PM
That sounds like a lot of...work.  :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on December 31, 2011, 01:13:19 PM
About the only thing I have gleaned from this so far is the fact that I need a dog.  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Hawkbit on December 31, 2011, 01:22:37 PM
It was tragic that I waited to get a Golden Retriever until after I was married.  About a week after I got him (he was 11wks old), I took him to the park for a walk and had three different women in their early 20s come up to love on him.  One was wearing a very tiny bikini while rollerblading, with tits falliing out every time she bent down to play with him.  It was awesome.

The two others I hit up good conversations with, and likely could have got their numbers if I asked.  And that was just one day.  I had ladies coming up to see my dog at least 50% of the times I took him to the park.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on December 31, 2011, 03:33:37 PM
No, that's not how it works.

You got hit on because you're married.  That shit only happens when you CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

Trust me.  It doesn't matter if you wear a ring or not.  It doesn't even matter if you're happily married or not.  You get offers once you can't take them.

Life Blows.  End of Lesson.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on December 31, 2011, 04:40:09 PM
Is a large amount of cleavage / being obviously bent over on a zoomed-in face profile pic a negative for anyone else? It sort of makes me think less of them, I mean I get the idea of displaying assets but come on. It signals to me that either they have low self esteem or they are trying to distract you from something (probably the rest of their body just out of frame).


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on December 31, 2011, 05:25:51 PM
Need to see the pic to properly judge.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on December 31, 2011, 05:33:22 PM
Life Blows.  End of Lesson.

/fin


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on December 31, 2011, 05:45:17 PM
That sounds like a lot of...work.  :oh_i_see:

Builds character.  Seriously.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on December 31, 2011, 06:19:56 PM
Oh I'm sure it does, as irrelevant as it is for me personally at the moment.

But in all seriousness, that Does sound like a lot of work - time spent chatting folks up, setting up dates and actually going. Multiple times a week? Sounds exhausting.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cheddar on December 31, 2011, 07:08:31 PM
Is a large amount of cleavage / being obviously bent over on a zoomed-in face profile pic a negative for anyone else? It sort of makes me think less of them, I mean I get the idea of displaying assets but come on. It signals to me that either they have low self esteem or they are trying to distract you from something (probably the rest of their body just out of frame).

Yes.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on December 31, 2011, 09:40:25 PM
Okay, back from 4 epic days of camping and seeing bands at a new year music festival (it's summer here), including a drunken new year snog with a girl from another city. Have her number but what happens on tour probably stays on tour. Thanks for a good start 2012. Looking forward to meeting you, Tuesday online date - i had a great time at the festival, thanks.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 01, 2012, 04:58:53 PM
marginally overweight.

That can be who to look for. The dating world isn't their oyster, like it is for those who are in good shape, so you aren't the 115th man to have contacted her this week and you have more of her attention. Being in a relationship gives you a more active lifestyle and if things are going well between you, she'll probably also be motivated to look as good as possible. Don't make it an issue, but be ready to compliment her on weight loss.

During our relationship, my ex started going to the gym at lunchtime and lost the extra weight she had when I first met her (when I was a fit runner and cyclist). I also surprised her by getting her old bicycle fixed up, as she had suggested going riding with me, and although it didn't work out between us for other reasons, we have fond memories of those days, and I have fond memories of being with her new, hot, fit self :)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 01, 2012, 05:01:25 PM

 if things are going well between you, she'll probably also be motivated to look as good as possible.


 :uhrr:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 01, 2012, 05:02:29 PM

 if things are going well between you, she'll probably also be motivated to look as good as possible.


 :uhrr:

Haha.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 01, 2012, 05:42:34 PM
Seriously, it's like you don't know women at all.

For the most part, when a woman is happy and satisfied and think someone is in love with them, they generally won't give a fuck anymore and just let themselves go.  Did you ever see that Coupling episode about how 'pants spread' ?

Further, sounds like your girl was exercising because it was your passion and she wanted to be part of that - Good luck if your passion is sitting on your ass playing games.  The utter arsehole in me is stifling the suggestion that she knew it wouldn't last.  Whoops.

My advice ?  You start dating a fattie, you'll end up with a whale.  Good Luck to all of you.

I'm just glad that shit is waaaaay behind me.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on January 01, 2012, 06:22:42 PM
I know a few people who are more like Tale's experience. People are generally fitter when they're happier, and vice versa.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 01, 2012, 06:26:24 PM
Well, that's not a Scottish Experience, alas.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cheddar on January 01, 2012, 06:48:00 PM
Well, that's not a Scottish Experience, alas.

It crosses the continents.  AKA- fat gain.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on January 01, 2012, 06:52:26 PM
Dating someone hoping you can fix them is always a great idea.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 01, 2012, 07:51:42 PM
Dating someone hoping you can fix them is always a great idea.

Women in their 20s seem to think it is the only way to go.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 01, 2012, 08:54:52 PM
Dating someone hoping you can fix them is always a great idea.

Women in their 20s seem to think it is the only way to go.

 Since we're generalizing and all.  :awesome_for_real:


I'll say that I've seen much more of IW's experience than Tale's.  The only women I've seen get "fitter" in a relationship didn't have the wedding ring yet or had husbands who could afford lots of plastic surgery or a killer prenup.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on January 01, 2012, 08:57:26 PM
I'm only applying it to people are are happy. Generally happy people tend to be fitter, in or out of a relationship. If the relationship is good then that can make some people happy.

Often they're not good!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Slayerik on January 01, 2012, 09:31:15 PM
This thread is great


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 01, 2012, 10:28:04 PM
I won't be posting photos, so I'll just lose this conversation by lamely telling Ironwood to fuck off.

The utter arsehole in me is stifling the suggestion that she knew it wouldn't last.  Whoops.

You've started your 2012 with some bad karma there.

Dating someone hoping you can fix them is always a great idea.

A misinterpretation of my post. I emphasised that losing weight is not something you can try to make someone do. However, in the context of online dating, looking for women who are the perfect weight may not be the best approach.

You should find a relationship with someone you're attracted to and have a connection with. I pointed out that your partner might lose weight. He or she may also gain weight or change in other ways, along with all the other challenges life may throw at a long term relationship, as the unhappily married assholes who've never done any online dating keep reminding us in the online dating thread.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on January 02, 2012, 04:49:47 AM
You guys are taking this waaaaay too seriously.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on January 03, 2012, 08:46:21 AM
Hearing others' take on online dating is so much more fun than actually doing it would ever be.  Thank you, f13.

:popcorn:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MuffinMan on January 03, 2012, 09:04:37 AM
Not really related to online dating but general dating so I'll tell my short story anyways. Had a really great connection with the girl I sat next to on my flight from Newark to Memphis. Non-stop conversation for the entire flight, so comfortable that the flight attendant thought we were already dating and flying together. We both had a layover in Memphis so I took her out to dinner, contemplated missing my connecting flight. Too bad I don't live in Missouri.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on January 03, 2012, 09:14:17 AM
Not really related to online dating but general dating so I'll tell my short story anyways. Had a really great connection with the girl I sat next to on my flight from Newark to Memphis. Non-stop conversation for the entire flight, so comfortable that the flight attendant thought we were already dating and flying together. We both had a layover in Memphis so I took her out to dinner, contemplated missing my connecting flight. Too bad I don't live in Missouri.

Some of my best dates were with girls I couldn't possibly see long term; how wonderfully open they were for the 48 hours they lasted. Not dissing your good time, btw, but there's a huge difference in one's mentality while traveling that allows for this sort of thing.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: tazelbain on January 03, 2012, 09:23:08 AM
Hearing others' take on online dating is so much more fun than actually doing it would ever be.  Thank you, f13.

:popcorn:
So it's like Eve.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on January 03, 2012, 09:24:59 AM
Hearing others' take on online dating is so much more fun than actually doing it would ever be.  Thank you, f13.

:popcorn:
So it's like Eve.

:rimshot:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 03, 2012, 09:47:00 AM
Not really related to online dating but general dating so I'll tell my short story anyways. Had a really great connection with the girl I sat next to on my flight from Newark to Memphis. Non-stop conversation for the entire flight, so comfortable that the flight attendant thought we were already dating and flying together. We both had a layover in Memphis so I took her out to dinner, contemplated missing my connecting flight. Too bad I don't live in Missouri.

Some of my best dates were with girls I couldn't possibly see long term; how wonderfully open they were for the 48 hours they lasted. Not dissing your good time, btw, but there's a huge difference in one's mentality while traveling that allows for this sort of thing.

Not just the women who are more open.  You may be too.  I had the same "flight magic" with a nice girl from NYC to Nantucket.  Called her up after we were both back in the city.  Dated for a few weeks but it didn't work out.  I am not the same guy I was on the plane that night and it set the wrong expectations.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MuffinMan on January 03, 2012, 10:11:02 AM
Not just the women who are more open.  You may be too.  I had the same "flight magic" with a nice girl from NYC to Nantucket.  Called her up after we were both back in the city.  Dated for a few weeks but it didn't work out.  I am not the same guy I was on the plane that night and it set the wrong expectations.
Was she disappointed to find out you weren't from Nantucket?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 03, 2012, 10:20:35 AM
5 stars for that one.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 03, 2012, 12:18:07 PM
Okay, so date #7 turns out to be a manager of flight attendants and has that "air hostess you were checking out on the flight" look. She was fun too. Second date to happen when she's home again next week, and there's the downside in a nutshell, but hey.

I should mention for context that I'm in my early 40s and the women I'm dating tend to be in their mid to late 30s. I may not have lived your Casanova past, but to get here, I lost a serious long term relationship. I don't wish that on anyone, but there's only so much value in "here, let me tell you about women, son" replies from guys looking back on their youth. What happens is, the offers you thought you had when you were the attached guru king of the world fade away and you're just a 40something messing with online dating. And you're probably balding, greying and not as fit as you used to be, so look after your existing relationship and live online dating vicariously through another person's fuckups.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 03, 2012, 02:05:08 PM
So try to reschedule?  It's not like she stood you up. 

Cancelling day of is pretty much standing someone up. Also, I sent her a message and got nothing back. It was the obvious non-confrontational blowoff.

Sounded more to me like she was married. Or already dating.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 03, 2012, 03:47:22 PM
Yeah Haemish I assumed already dating as well. Married? Never got that impression, but who knows.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: TripleDES on January 04, 2012, 08:30:10 AM
I peruse OkCupid once a while when bored to shit at work. I find it interesting, how literary a lot of women in Europe seem to be. Most of them are always listing shit like Tolstoy, Nietzsche, Kant and shit like that. I have yet to meet ANYONE of ANY gender that actually read anything like this at all, except those dweebs in school.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 04, 2012, 08:35:12 AM
I peruse OkCupid once a while when bored to shit at work. I find it interesting, how literary a lot of women in Europe seem to be. Most of them are always listing shit like Tolstoy, Nietzsche, Kant and shit like that. I have yet to meet ANYONE of ANY gender that actually read anything like this at all, except those dweebs in school.

Almost every one of the profiles I read of women in the Pittsburgh area has them as either a theater, english/literature/writer, or art (graphic design or otherwise) person. There seems to be an overabundance of these types in my area on there...wondering if it is all a ploy or if these types of people are just more oriented to using Online Matchmaking.

Funny in that none of them reply, even for small talk and chatting - even to the most mundane of messages.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 04, 2012, 08:52:02 AM
None of those girls read or remember any of that shit. It's a scam.

Do they call themselves down-to-earth intelligent girls?

That means they're ugly and boring.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 04, 2012, 10:00:43 AM
That means they're ugly and boring.

I would happily take ugly and boring at this point in my life.  Seems most of the attractive single women that I meet are single because they are a) psycho, b) drama queens, c) high maintenance, or d) all of the above. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on January 04, 2012, 10:51:48 AM
Pretty, Intelligent, Sane.  Pick two.

Total generalization, but holds up more often than not.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 04, 2012, 11:05:55 AM
Pretty, Intelligent, Sane.  Pick two.

Total generalization, but holds up more often than not.

I'll take intelligent and sane. Just don't weigh more than me unless you are taller. That's my rule.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 04, 2012, 11:22:26 AM
I read lots of profiles.  I found them practically worthless in accurately describing reality.  In the end, I was more concerned with reading them for punctuation and spelling accuracy than I was for any hint of what the person was really about.  There are *ahem* a lot of well-traveled, independently wealthy, philanthropic intellectuals in profiles.  This is not necessarily a description of who the woman is, but rather who she envisions she'll be when she lands The Most Interesting Man in the World.  Basically, she's just aiming high.  And I guess she can't be faulted too much for dreaming.  But you know, after reading so many and finding them misleading virtually every time, you can understand how one might become a little jaded.  I'm sure dudes do it too.  Like I said earlier, lower your expectations.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Der Helm on January 04, 2012, 11:36:37 AM
lower your expectations.

I knew that sounded familiar (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRcj9WbHLjk)  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Johny Cee on January 04, 2012, 11:38:48 AM
lower your expectations.

I knew that sounded familiar (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRcj9WbHLjk)  :awesome_for_real:

Bah, madtv?  There was a Jon Lovitz SNL bit with the catchphrase "Women over 30, lower your standards".


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 04, 2012, 11:41:42 AM
I'm sure dudes do it too. 

Most of the girls I've met from the Internet have expressed surprise that I'm actually 6'1" like my profile says.  Apparently most guys advertise themselves as a few inches taller than they are.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 04, 2012, 12:03:13 PM
I'm sure dudes do it too. 

Most of the girls I've met from the Internet have expressed surprise that I'm actually 6'1" like my profile says.  Apparently most guys advertise themselves as a few inches taller than they are.

Yes... by a lot.  A husband of a former coworker of mine insisted he was 5'-8" (so he could be 3" taller than his wife.. who towered over him if she wore heels.)   I'm somewhere around 5'-10" to 5'-11" and I was about 6" taller than him.  I'd always just nod and smile.

I seem to recall reading that tall men on the other hand will fudge to the short end if they're in the "wow you're tall" range that will scare some women off because they'll be almost 18" shorter.  Guys over 6'-6" saying they're 6'-2" etc.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on January 04, 2012, 12:23:58 PM
I read lots of profiles.  I found them practically worthless in accurately describing reality.

This.  Which is why I wen't on so many coffee dates before I met my wife.  10 minutes of talking at Starbucks told me infinitely more about them than all the paragraphs of nonsense they wrote.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 04, 2012, 01:40:43 PM
My biggest pet peeve is when women on the profiles spend inordinate amounts of time on their movies, books, music section but spend a sentence on what people notice about them or what they are doing with their lives.

Because I really could give two damns about every stupid band you follow thanks.

Oh, and if I read "my eyes" on the first thing people notice about you section, I'm not talking to you.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: ghost on January 04, 2012, 01:42:07 PM
My biggest pet peeve is when women on the profiles spend inordinate amounts of time on their movies, books, music section but spend a sentence on what people notice about them or what they are doing with their lives.

It's because most of them won't have much to talk about concerning what people notice about them once they get past the "my fat ass" part.  It's a distraction technique.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 04, 2012, 01:53:24 PM
My biggest pet peeve is when women on the profiles spend inordinate amounts of time on their movies, books, music section but spend a sentence on what people notice about them or what they are doing with their lives.

Because I really could give two damns about every stupid band you follow thanks.

Oh, and if I read "my eyes" on the first thing people notice about you section, I'm not talking to you.

This really does depend on how big their eyes are. If you are across the room from me and I notice your eyes before your physical form, then something is wrong....


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 04, 2012, 02:41:45 PM
My biggest pet peeve is when women on the profiles spend inordinate amounts of time on their movies, books, music section but spend a sentence on what people notice about them or what they are doing with their lives.

Because I really could give two damns about every stupid band you follow thanks.

Oh, and if I read "my eyes" on the first thing people notice about you section, I'm not talking to you.

How about "my height?" Because that's what my answer would be!  :why_so_serious:

This thread makes me love Ingmar all the more, he should be glad it exists.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 04, 2012, 02:46:07 PM
My height is totally acceptable.

"My eyes" says one of two things about you. 1 - You are unoriginal, or 2 - You have no clue.

There is the outlier of people who have piercing blue or green eyes that happen to also model on the weekends. They aren't likely on OkCupid.

For once, I want someone to put "My large ass." I would buy that lady a drink just for the honesty.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 04, 2012, 02:52:02 PM
I honestly think if you really want a hell of an insightful profile, you need your best friend of the opposite sex to write your profile for you.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 04, 2012, 02:56:26 PM
I'll just have Ingmar write mine.  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 04, 2012, 03:05:17 PM
I honestly think if you really want a hell of an insightful profile, you need your best friend of the opposite sex to write your profile for you.

A few guys I know who had their profiles heavily edited by female friends found steady girlfriends quite quickly.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on January 04, 2012, 03:20:07 PM
I've used and judged others in Okcupid threads on another forum and it was hugely helpful.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 04, 2012, 04:42:49 PM
lower your expectations.

I knew that sounded familiar (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRcj9WbHLjk)  :awesome_for_real:

Bah, madtv?  There was a Jon Lovitz SNL bit with the catchphrase "Women over 30, lower your standards".

On a related note :  Women, Sort Yourselves Out (http://youtu.be/85HT4Om6JT4)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 04, 2012, 08:28:24 PM
Most of the girls I've met from the Internet have expressed surprise that I'm actually 6'1" like my profile says.
One of my exes was actually 6'1" and was amazed and happy that when I said I was 6'3", in reality I was actually taller than her.  She thought it was great compared to all the other people who claimed to be tall and were shorter than her by a wide margin.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 04, 2012, 08:35:41 PM
Most of the girls I've met from the Internet have expressed surprise that I'm actually 6'1" like my profile says.
One of my exes was actually 6'1" and was amazed and happy that when I said I was 6'3", in reality I was actually taller than her.  She thought it was great compared to all the other people who claimed to be tall and were shorter than her by a wide margin.

Tall girls do not fuck around with height. No better way to shoot yourself in the ass then making a claim you are taller than you are with a girl over 5'10".


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 04, 2012, 09:02:48 PM
My foolish male brain simply cannot comprehend why a woman would discriminate based on height in today's day and age.  I understand how in days of yore, height might have correlated to some kind of Darwinian advantage for men.  However, I can't think of an argument I'd buy for this to be the case in any modern society today.

The most common height related request I saw was, "Must be taller than x.  You should be taller than me in heels."  I'm legitimately 6 feet, and I pretty much fulfilled that request for everyone I saw.  But it always galled me to the point that I universally skipped those dumb asses.  Why in the world would you care so much about how tall your man was when you are wearing heels?  It seemed to me that making that request was a retard indicator, as height in relation to girl in heels has nothing to do with how well you'll get along.  Unless you're so self-aware that you just can't be seen with someone shorter than you.  And in that case, I felt I was well served by my policy of 'nexting' the height-conscious.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: JWIV on January 04, 2012, 09:09:45 PM
My foolish male brain simply cannot comprehend why a woman would discriminate based on height in today's day and age.  I understand how in days of yore, height might have correlated to some kind of Darwinian advantage for men.  However, I can't think of an argument I'd buy for this to be the case in any modern society today.


Having talked to tall girls in the past, the general impression I've gotten is that it's mostly a comfort and baggage thing from their childhood than anything.   Tall girls tend to stand out in high school and it leaves a bit of a scar on the psyche.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 04, 2012, 09:20:23 PM
My foolish male brain simply cannot comprehend why a woman would discriminate based on height in today's day and age.  I understand how in days of yore, height might have correlated to some kind of Darwinian advantage for men.  However, I can't think of an argument I'd buy for this to be the case in any modern society today.

Just like it there's no reason for it to matter if a girl has a pretty face or a nice figure, amirite?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on January 04, 2012, 09:24:00 PM
I prefer to go out with girls who are shorter and lighter than me. Why can't a tall girl want the same?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 04, 2012, 09:56:17 PM
Just like it there's no reason for it to matter if a girl has a pretty face or a nice figure, amirite?

I donno if right.  For one, I don't think too many dudes are putting, "Must have pretty face and nice figure." right there in their cotton-pickin' profiles.  I'd have no problem understanding why girls would skip even a good looking tall dude who did that. 

And to be fair, it's not just girls who are above average height who have this in their profile. 

I definitely don't claim to know the nature of what women think, but this qualification just seems archaic and irrelevant to me - at least the 'taller than me in heels' part.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 04, 2012, 10:02:32 PM
Just like it there's no reason for it to matter if a girl has a pretty face or a nice figure, amirite?

I donno if right.  For one, I don't think too many dudes are putting, "Must have pretty face and nice figure." right there in their cotton-pickin' profiles.  I'd have no problem understanding why girls would skip even a good looking tall dude who did that.

Yeah, but it doesn't mean it's not a requirement for a lot of guys.  Saying that physical attractiveness is "archaic" makes you sound like some kind of goddamn Martian is all I'm saying.   :why_so_serious:

Complaining that those girls are presenting themselves as superficial is totally understandable.  I actually kind of like it when girls are up front about their dealbreakers, even if they're superficial; saves a lot of time for all involved.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 05, 2012, 12:25:50 AM
Not to put too fine a point on it, but to me it's like saying, "Her knees are too sharp."  (Ho HO!)  It just makes my eyes roll, is all. 

I guess height is just not something I ever spent any time thinking about.  And so I have a hard time understanding why short dudes should be shafted, while I have no basis for comparison.  I don't know why height is part of physical attractiveness.  I see short chick.  I say, "OK."  I see tall chick.  I say, "Yes, please."  The process by which a woman interprets height in terms of attractiveness is indeed some form of alien logic to me.  I guess I am a typical man from Mars.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 05, 2012, 03:26:32 AM
Just for a second, imagine a woman saying "The process by which a man interprets breast size in terms of attractiveness is some form of alien logic to me."

 :uhrr:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on January 05, 2012, 03:30:48 AM
Except that tallness isn't tasty and wicked fun to play with.  You almost can't rub your height in my face, either.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 05, 2012, 03:42:12 AM
Except that tallness isn't tasty and wicked fun to play with.

I know some girls who disagree with you.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 05, 2012, 03:45:33 AM
Your Mum had tits and your Dad was taller than you.

It's not rocket science chaps.

 :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on January 05, 2012, 03:47:17 AM
Ewwwwwww!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 05, 2012, 03:51:19 AM
I remember working with a skinny short geek who was married to a tall amazon woman. Looked them up on Facebook 12 years later and they're still together, with three kids.

But in the movies, the woman looks up at the man as he holds her in his arms. Height changes physical interaction, whether it's a standing kiss, a whisper in an ear, an arm around the waist, or a sex position. Other things decide whether the relationship works, but I guess if you are describing in advance for a dating service the person you imagine spending your life with, it's difficult to throw away perceptions of how you will interact. I'm 6'1 and even a greeting kiss on the cheek to my tall female cycling buddy is an unusual experience.

Edit: "Five new replies were posted while you were typing" and they said it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: tgr on January 05, 2012, 04:25:09 AM
I remember a former colleague of mine brought his girlfriend over one day. He was a head taller than me, and she was a head shorter than me.

They made a funny couple.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: ghost on January 05, 2012, 07:15:43 AM
My foolish male brain simply cannot comprehend why a woman would discriminate based on height in today's day and age.  I understand how in days of yore, height might have correlated to some kind of Darwinian advantage for men.  However, I can't think of an argument I'd buy for this to be the case in any modern society today.

Sure it's a genetic advantage.  Women typically want to feel protected, because if they feel protected their young will be protected and they will be protected in their vulnerable gravid states.  Many of the things that we desire in women are "built in" as are many of the things women want in us.  The height/size thing may not make sense today, but it's still present in what makes us tick. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 05, 2012, 07:40:11 AM
My foolish male brain simply cannot comprehend why a woman would discriminate based on height in today's day and age.  I understand how in days of yore, height might have correlated to some kind of Darwinian advantage for men.  However, I can't think of an argument I'd buy for this to be the case in any modern society today.

Sure it's a genetic advantage.  Women typically want to feel protected, because if they feel protected their young will be protected and they will be protected in their vulnerable gravid states.  Many of the things that we desire in women are "built in" as are many of the things women want in us.  The height/size thing may not make sense today, but it's still present in what makes us tick. 

Queue the nature/nuture discussion!  :why_so_serious:



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 05, 2012, 09:06:28 AM
And of course I thought of that, and I didn't think nature vs nurture in terms of height correlating to a man's implied ability to protect was remotely realistic in our society for at least, uh, oh since Napoleon kicked everyone's ass.  Yea it's still there from when cave-women wanted protection from the scariest goon she could find, but the point I'm making is that it's silly.

What I didn't think of was tits.  Tits have rendered me broken.  And I lose.  I would gladly recant my nonsense in proxy for the prospect of the perfect titty.  And no, I can't explain it.  I suppose that's what one gets for stopping thinking about titties long enough to write words on the tubes.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 05, 2012, 11:25:09 AM
Just like it there's no reason for it to matter if a girl has a pretty face or a nice figure, amirite?

I donno if right.  For one, I don't think too many dudes are putting, "Must have pretty face and nice figure." right there in their cotton-pickin' profiles.  I'd have no problem understanding why girls would skip even a good looking tall dude who did that. 

Yes, but women, unlike men, can generally have a man if they so chose unless they are so physically repugnant that nothing will touch them for fear of getting the dropsies. All they have to do is put out or at least give the impression they will put out at some not too distant future point and the dates shall be had. Women can be shallow and even moderately good looking women can pick and choose from the lineup of swinging dicks looking for something to touch their no-no spot.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 05, 2012, 11:55:34 AM
There aren't enough women here to get the typical "No we can't" response to that.

Of course, that response always ignores the female's underlying statement that she can't get a /quality*/ guy to just fuck her whenever she wants.   As you say, if she's willing to accept anyone the list would be longer than she could deal with.

Guys, however, can do the same if they're willing to compromise on their primary motivator of physical beauty.   I worked with a guy at a bar who went home with a different girl every night he worked.  His pickup line was "Hey, want to fuck?"   He got slapped a lot, and they weren't always pretty but he never went home alone and sometimes she brought a friend.


*Quality being whatever subjective mix of physical attraction, intellect, money, commitment and personality said female desires.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 05, 2012, 12:01:07 PM
QUALITY is the problem. The old saying about "Got to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince" isn't a cliche for nothing.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 05, 2012, 01:54:07 PM
As a tall woman, the reason I give a shit about height (although I don't have, like, a "must be this tall to ride this ride" policy or anything) is because everyone else fucking does. Throughout my life, when I had a new boyfriend, the FIRST THING people asked about him was if he was taller than me. I have had people act like I'm weird because I don't give a shit that I'm taller than Ingmar in heels. Society still pounds into a woman's head you should be shorter than your man. All the time. Always.

It's worse for my sister, she's the same height as me, but married a 5'7" dude. People found that hilarious. They also fretted that she might wear heels for their wedding, because oh no, then she'd be even taller than him. She always acted mock-surprised and would say, "You're right! I wouldn't want people to notice I'm taller!"


My actual preference is that they just be around my height (within three inches either way, probably ... but again, I don't break out a tape measure or anything). Dudes who are shorter than me often didn't seem interested in me in the first place (I only ever had one boyfriend obviously shorter than me, and it was not because I was rejecting short dudes), but I just ... like being around the same height. I don't think I'd want to tower over my beloved if I were a dude, either. Begging for neck and back problems, imo! ;)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: bhodi on January 05, 2012, 02:06:46 PM
As long as you can kiss standing up and not look ridiculous, it's fine.

I describe myself "just shy of 5'8"" or "around 5'8"" FTR. Which I don't consider "really short". But I will describe it in terms of 5'8", the minimum acceptable male height, because it sounds better than "5'7" and a half".

I get the feeling we're re-treading this because I've got a hell of a sense of deja-vu here.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 05, 2012, 02:34:02 PM
I know I've discussed being an Amazon before. I always like to talk about being an Amazon.  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: ghost on January 05, 2012, 02:42:48 PM
Yes, but women, unlike men, can generally have a man if they so chose unless they are so physically repugnant that nothing will touch them for fear of getting the dropsies.

There's a big difference here.  Women are typically more interested in a long term relationship rather than just getting laid (Yes, I know this is a gross generalization and there are exceptions to every rule). 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on January 05, 2012, 02:43:41 PM
Tangentially on-topic...

I briefly dated one woman who was about 3" taller than myself, which was the first time I'd dated anyone taller than myself.  It definitely made me do a lot of thinking about gender roles and height - I had gotten so used to being "the taller one" that it was distinctly unusual and initially uncomfortable to have to look UP at a date.

As long as you can kiss standing up and not look ridiculous, it's fine.

This reminds me of the couple I know where he's 6'8" and she's about 5'4".  I never thought much of it until I saw them slow-dancing, and then it was both awkward and humorous at the same time.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 05, 2012, 02:59:08 PM
Yes, but women, unlike men, can generally have a man if they so chose unless they are so physically repugnant that nothing will touch them for fear of getting the dropsies.

There's a big difference here.  Women are typically more interested in a long term relationship rather than just getting laid (Yes, I know this is a gross generalization and there are exceptions to every rule). 

Well, yes, and being willing to put out (or at least throw out the signals that you are) can attract more long-term relationships than acting like your maidenhead is more sacred than the Shroud of Turin.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: ghost on January 05, 2012, 03:08:45 PM
It can also attract a lot of STDs and small children, both things women don't want, at least until they have the relationship thing lined up for the kid thing.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 05, 2012, 03:11:28 PM
It also gets them branded by the dreaded "slut" label. I'm sure all the dudes here are totally willing to date a lady who had  more sex partners than them by a huge margin ( :oh_i_see: ) but not everyone is so enlightened.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on January 05, 2012, 03:19:19 PM
They are as long as they never have to acknowledge nor discuss it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 05, 2012, 03:21:43 PM
Keep that harlot past buried! Where it belongs!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 05, 2012, 03:40:50 PM
I'm sure all the dudes here are totally willing to date a lady who had  more sex partners than them by a huge margin ( :oh_i_see: )

At least the ones that haven't been burned yet.   :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: ghost on January 05, 2012, 03:44:18 PM
My wife never had sex or kissed a man before she met me.   :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 05, 2012, 04:24:07 PM
In case you didn't know it, men are fucking idiots. They want an absolute slut in bed who can do it all and do it well, but they want her to be never touched by another man (or at the very least never acknowledge that another man might be bigger/better than they are).


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 05, 2012, 04:40:05 PM
It also gets them branded by the dreaded "slut" label. I'm sure all the dudes here are totally willing to date a lady who had  more sex partners than them by a huge margin ( :oh_i_see: ) but not everyone is so enlightened.

Everyone I dated prior to my wife was more experienced than me and I didn't care.  It taught me a lot I was able to use later.    :drill:

Also - looking at my wife's discomfort with things, I think it was a better situation.  Virgins are distressing to more than one party.

I realize I am not typical in this attitude.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: ghost on January 05, 2012, 04:45:49 PM
I absolutely hated fooling around with the inexperienced girls that I've dated before. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 05, 2012, 04:54:51 PM
That's not a Great Secret of the Universe, Haemish. I'm not sure why you appear to think this might not possibly be one of the (many) reasons a lot of women elect to not sleep around a whole lot.

I also just don't see why it's so crazy that women want to sleep with dudes they are actually attracted to, and how this somehow doesn't "count" when it comes down to "women can sleep with BILLIONS OF DUDES if they so choose!" I mean, if we're talking like that, as Merusk pointed out, dudes could get laid a lot more than they think. But that's stupid, because who wants to fuck someone they don't find attractive?


If a pretty girl wants to sleep around, yeah, she can probably get all the dudes she can stand. If a "moderately attractive" one does, she has to start to settle. If she's not even "moderately attractive?" Hahahaha, good luck, lady. Even the ugly dudes want to hold out for at least "moderately attractive," because bitches only care about money and personality, rite?

(All of this is, obviously, talking about straight lady relations. I have no idea what the lesbian dating scene is like or what weird are-you-kidding-that-still-matters-in-this-day-and-age societal expectations come into play there.  :why_so_serious:)



FAKE EDIT: I did date a guy who was absolutely distressed I had more sexual experience than him, it was not a good dynamic. And I was not exactly a huge trollop or anything. Basically he was pissed I had had sex more than once! With the same dude! Who I had dated for THREE YEARS! All HE had was one night with a woman that I'm still not clear on if they were actually ever boyfriend/girlfriend, or if he just thought they were. That relationship fucked with my head a lot, it was a good time. Spent three years with that guy, I still look back and wonder why the fuck I put up with him for THAT long.

GENERALLY, though, it seems like most dudes I would give the time of day to expect some experience. Just not. You know. Too much. And "too much" is very often "more than me."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: tazelbain on January 05, 2012, 04:58:13 PM
People are insecure twits with conflicting desires, film at 11.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 05, 2012, 05:05:24 PM
When a woman can do amazing things sexually, I make a point of saying "thank you" rather than worrying about how many partners they've had.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 05, 2012, 05:09:03 PM
GENERALLY, though, it seems like most dudes I would give the time of day to expect some experience. Just not. You know. Too much. And "too much" is very often "more than me."

The truth is we're worried you're comparing us to those guys and our cocks are smaller or your orgasms are.  Because we're doing it to you.

Because we're all assholes.

 :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 05, 2012, 05:17:32 PM
GENERALLY, though, it seems like most dudes I would give the time of day to expect some experience. Just not. You know. Too much. And "too much" is very often "more than me."

The truth is we're worried you're comparing us to those guys and our cocks are smaller or your orgasms are.  Because we're doing it to you.

Because we're all assholes.

 :awesome_for_real:

That.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on January 05, 2012, 05:34:24 PM
It also gets them branded by the dreaded "slut" label. I'm sure all the dudes here are totally willing to date a lady who had more sex partners than them by a huge margin ( :oh_i_see: ) but not everyone is so enlightened.

Nearly everyone I've ever been with has been more 'experienced' than me, but it hasn't meant much at all. The link between their number of sexual partners and our sex life hasn't really been significant.

Some people sleep with lots of others because they are relaxed and enjoy sex, some do it for other (less healthy) reasons. Some don't sleep with many because they are unsure or intimidated or have had bad experiences, some don't sleep with many people because they prefer it in committed relationships.

Virgins can be awkward, but it can pass pretty quickly, depending on the person. If you're sleeping with a 30 year old virgin I think you can expect your sex life to be a bit more stressful than if you're young and one of you is doing it for the first time.

TLDR: People are different, generalisations are even more pointless when it comes to sex.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 05, 2012, 05:44:13 PM
That's nice if you're an exception, but you're talking about an attitude that is largely institutionalized in our society/media/etc., I don't think there's really any case to be made that the generalization is generally wrong.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on January 05, 2012, 05:59:11 PM
That's nice if you're an exception, but you're talking about an attitude that is largely institutionalized in our society/media/etc., I don't think there's really any case to be made that the generalization is generally wrong.

Oh I don't dispute that many people have issues like those that have been mentioned here. I'm just saying that those issues are often not only really stupid, but also irrational.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 05, 2012, 11:34:50 PM
Nearly everyone I've ever been with has been more 'experienced' than me, but it hasn't meant much at all. The link between their number of sexual partners and our sex life hasn't really been significant.

I'm going to go out on a limb here with a generalization: people who have had a lot of one-night stands but not much in the way of real relationships tend to be mediocre in bed.  Promiscuity does not necessarily imply 'experience' in a useful sense.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on January 05, 2012, 11:48:26 PM
Nearly everyone I've ever been with has been more 'experienced' than me, but it hasn't meant much at all. The link between their number of sexual partners and our sex life hasn't really been significant.

I'm going to go out on a limb here with a generalization: people who have had a lot of one-night stands but not much in the way of real relationships tend to be mediocre in bed.  Promiscuity does not necessarily imply 'experience' in a useful sense.

Absolutely. But (more generalisations): People who've had more sexual partners aren't necessarily getting it all from one night stands. And: People who like sex have probably had more of it, and are probably 'better' at it.

Anyhow, what I mean in relation to me was neither one way or the other. People can be inexperienced but wonderful, or experienced and poor, or whatever in between. There is no real correlation between how experienced someone is, or how promiscuous someone has been, and the sexual experience.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on January 06, 2012, 07:52:11 AM
Almost every one of the profiles I read of women in the Pittsburgh area has them as either a theater, english/literature/writer, or art (graphic design or otherwise) person. There seems to be an overabundance of these types in my area on there...wondering if it is all a ploy or if these types of people are just more oriented to using Online Matchmaking.

Theater people are total drama queens.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on January 06, 2012, 08:28:57 AM
The truth is we're worried you're comparing us to those guys and our cocks are smaller or your orgasms are.  Because we're doing it to you.
Hint:  If the woman had an orgasm, you're probably near the top of the list of good encounters.
(All of this is, obviously, talking about straight lady relations. I have no idea what the lesbian dating scene is like or what weird are-you-kidding-that-still-matters-in-this-day-and-age societal expectations come into play there.  :why_so_serious:)
Most social conventions were irrelevant.  Not quite to the degree of guys and bath houses, but you'd see all kinds of combinations.  At least in the past.  (You're already a freak, why care what "they" think of your relationship.)  As society becomes more accepting, other social pressures may have more of an influence.

It'd actually be an interesting study.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on January 06, 2012, 09:22:12 AM
Quote
I have no idea what the lesbian dating scene is like...

Question: What does a lesbian bring on a second date? Answer: A U-Haul.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 06, 2012, 09:45:59 AM
The truth is we're worried you're comparing us to those guys and our cocks are smaller or your orgasms are.  Because we're doing it to you.
Hint:  If the woman had an orgasm, you're probably near the top of the list of good encounters.

Sweet.  Now I just have to obsess over if they were lying or not.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 06, 2012, 12:45:27 PM
GENERALLY, though, it seems like most dudes I would give the time of day to expect some experience. Just not. You know. Too much. And "too much" is very often "more than me."

The truth is we're worried you're comparing us to those guys and our cocks are smaller or your orgasms are.  Because we're doing it to you.

Because we're all assholes.

 :awesome_for_real:

I was always a big fan of experienced partners.  None of them ever seemed disappointed they had stuff to teach me or do to me for the first time.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 06, 2012, 01:12:14 PM
The truth is we're worried you're comparing us to those guys and our cocks are smaller or your orgasms are.  Because we're doing it to you.
Hint:  If the woman had an orgasm, you're probably near the top of the list of good encounters.

Sweet.  Now I just have to obsess over if they were lying or not.  :awesome_for_real:

Only if you are still having sex with them. If not, who cares at this point?

I am sooo getting my best friend Lizzy to write up my profile this year and see if it actually makes a difference given that I have had 1 person shoot me a message on Cupid that commented on the fact we were 0% match and 95% enemy. I guess I should go back to school for an english degree... or graphic art.  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 06, 2012, 01:53:24 PM
I get messages all the time. But I send a lot too.

I probably had 10 dates in 2011 from it, and I started in about July.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on January 06, 2012, 02:03:37 PM
Pffft, now I'm sad I can't fool around with this stuff.  :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Slayerik on January 06, 2012, 02:19:51 PM
Me too :( Never even had to leave facebook to use the internet for pussy.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 06, 2012, 03:52:31 PM
The truth is we're worried you're comparing us to those guys and our cocks are smaller or your orgasms are.  Because we're doing it to you.
Hint:  If the woman had an orgasm, you're probably near the top of the list of good encounters.

Sweet.  Now I just have to obsess over if they were lying or not.  :awesome_for_real:

Only if you are still having sex with them. If not, who cares at this point?

If I have to explain the joke, it's no longer funny.  I wasn't being serious.

Although.. it WOULD be nice to know what with the 20th coming up this summer.   Looking ex's husbands in the eye and knowing you're the other guy who heard 'em scream.  Ah.

(Also comedy. I go for dry humor.)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 07, 2012, 01:46:57 PM
So while I wait for second dates with #7 (air hostess) and the non-internet date I met on NYE, I had a drink with #8, a lovely person who decided to wait until 2/3 of the way through our conversation to explain that she'd been profoundly deaf most of her life, and recently had her hearing restored in an operation. I rejoiced for her, after spending 2/3 of my drink wondering why she spoke with the laboured, overpronounced sounds of a hearing-impaired person and avoiding asking any Borat-style questions.

I'd like to think I am open minded enough that had I turned up knowing this information, the date might not have been so shit. I'm thinking of telling her to tell people. If they won't meet you because of something you were up front about, you don't want to know them anyway.

Me too :( Never even had to leave facebook to use the internet for pussy.

Golf clap. You've mentioned this several times in the thread already. Go wave your dick somewhere else.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 07, 2012, 05:53:30 PM
Mid-20s female online dating profile: "Just thought I'd experiment with this. Gotta run, going out."
Mid-30s female online dating profile: "I want a strong, sweet man who will love me forever."
Mid-40s female online dating profile: "Here are my tits, this is my ass. Go!"


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 09, 2012, 05:12:19 AM
I had a drink with #8, a lovely person who decided to wait until 2/3 of the way through our conversation to explain that she'd been profoundly deaf most of her life, and recently had her hearing restored in an operation. I rejoiced for her, after spending 2/3 of my drink wondering why she spoke with the laboured, overpronounced sounds of a hearing-impaired person and avoiding asking any Borat-style questions.

I'd like to think I am open minded enough that had I turned up knowing this information, the date might not have been so shit. I'm thinking of telling her to tell people. If they won't meet you because of something you were up front about, you don't want to know them anyway.

So no second date, then?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on January 09, 2012, 09:30:13 AM
Mid-20s female online dating profile: "Just thought I'd experiment with this. Gotta run, going out."
Mid-30s female online dating profile: "I want a strong, sweet man who will love me forever."
Mid-40s female online dating profile: "Here are my tits, this is my ass. Go!"

I really saw more than one 20 somethings profile with such long lists of requirements it was laughable.  Kind of, "Well if a fish bites that meets all this then great otherwise I don't need this my destiny awaits!".

I have a friend, she's really very nice, pretty and athletic.  She's also very smart (PhD) but her list of Must Haves when she was in her late 20's was so extensive and unbending that when she did find a date online it was with someone 80+ miles away who, of course, was lying.  Now that she's in her early 30's she's pretty much given up after 4 or 5 years of that, I don't think she's been on a date in a year.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 09, 2012, 10:35:02 AM
Give us a taste of her Must Haves?  I find most women's expectations amusing.  It's like they are a different gender or something.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on January 09, 2012, 12:06:09 PM
Give us a taste of her Must Haves?  I find most women's expectations amusing.  It's like they are a different gender or something.

6'+, athletic, Grad School+ in a hard science, skis, eco-travels, likes the same music, etc...  Basically she wants one of Heinlein's ubermensch tailored to her specific ideological and social preferences and is unwilling to just check people out to see if she might like them.

She works in a hospital and so if she was going to meet someone who met all her criteria it would probably be there.  But, uh, those guys have a lot of competition for their attention from really hot chicks.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 09, 2012, 12:59:22 PM
Give us a taste of her Must Haves?  I find most women's expectations amusing.  It's like they are a different gender or something.

6'+, athletic, Grad School+ in a hard science, skis, eco-travels, likes the same music, etc... 

Send me her name... that sounds just like me!   :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 09, 2012, 01:06:23 PM
Send me pics of her tits.  That sounds nothing like me, but I like pictures of tits.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 09, 2012, 02:06:22 PM
Give us a taste of her Must Haves?  I find most women's expectations amusing.  It's like they are a different gender or something.

6'+, athletic, Grad School+ in a hard science, skis, eco-travels, likes the same music, etc...  Basically she wants one of Heinlein's ubermensch tailored to her specific ideological and social preferences and is unwilling to just check people out to see if she might like them.

She works in a hospital and so if she was going to meet someone who met all her criteria it would probably be there.  But, uh, those guys have a lot of competition for their attention from really hot chicks.

Is she 5'10"?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 09, 2012, 02:53:00 PM
I'm slowly compiling a list of my own "must haves" that grows a little bit as I discover each new dealbreaker the hard way.  So far I'm up to:

Must have own apartment (roommates acceptable, but not if they are her parents or ex-boyfriends).
Must have some kind of college degree.
Must have some kind of job.

Am I setting the bar too high?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 09, 2012, 02:54:28 PM
I'm slowly compiling a list of my own "must haves" that grows a little bit as I discover each new dealbreaker the hard way.  So far I'm up to:

Must have own apartment (roommates acceptable, but not if they are her parents or ex-boyfriends).
Must have some kind of college degree.
Must have some kind of job.

Am I setting the bar too high?

Drop the job thing... Don't you know what is going on out there in America?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 09, 2012, 02:55:08 PM
Am I setting the bar too high?

Yes.  Start with: "Must be sane" and go from there.  This alone will eliminate about 90%.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 09, 2012, 02:56:01 PM
Am I setting the bar too high?

Yes.  Start with: "Must be sane" and go from there.  This alone will eliminate about 90%.

I don't know if I'd recognize a sane girl if I met one.  No frame of reference.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 09, 2012, 03:06:32 PM
Ouch.  I thought it was going ok ?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 09, 2012, 03:18:32 PM
She was the sanest girl I've dated yet, but I just couldn't get past us being at completely different places in our lives (and I'm way too antsy to wait a year or more for someone to "catch up" with me).  That's the big problem I've had with online dating in general; almost everyone I meet is in some sort of transitional phase where they don't quite know what they're doing with their life yet.  Which I guess makes sense, because why else would you be drifting around looking for dates on the Internet?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 09, 2012, 03:21:16 PM
Ouch x 2

Ding, Gratz.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: ghost on January 09, 2012, 03:23:21 PM
Am I setting the bar too high?

Yes.  Start with: "Must be sane" and go from there.  This alone will eliminate about 90%.

I don't know if I'd recognize a sane girl if I met one.  No frame of reference.

There is no such thing.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 09, 2012, 03:33:57 PM
She was the sanest girl I've dated yet, but I just couldn't get past us being at completely different places in our lives (and I'm way too antsy to wait a year or more for someone to "catch up" with me).  That's the big problem I've had with online dating in general; almost everyone I meet is in some sort of transitional phase where they don't quite know what they're doing with their life yet.  Which I guess makes sense, because why else would you be drifting around looking for dates on the Internet?

What do you mean different places in your lives? Like she's jobless and drunk dials you at 2AM, and you are at the office at 7AM?

Or like she's directionless and has no idea what she wants to do while you have a set career?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 09, 2012, 04:12:07 PM
Am I setting the bar too high?
Slightly.  My current girlfriend has a college degree, had her own place, but is having a hard time finding a job.  My previous girlfriend owned her own house and had a hard time finding a job (but did find one).  Another one had her own place with masters degree yet was a contractor with random hours and flaky clients, leading to money not coming in steadily.  Desire to work and effort being put in to finding a job are considerably more important to me than whether they have a job I think is appropriate or not.

What do you mean different places in your lives? Like she's jobless and drunk dials you at 2AM, and you are at the office at 7AM?

Or like she's directionless and has no idea what she wants to do while you have a set career?
This is quite important.  I am at work by 6:15AM and a previous ex was barely functional by 10AM.  We made it work, but the schedule thing sure made it difficult when she was leaving work at 9:30PM and I was getting ready for bed, having been off work since 4PM.  If you want to make it work, you can, but it does require considerable effort.

Now, those who aren't even bothering with life and drifting back and forth between Burger King & McDonald's while subsisting on unemployment in between are the kind who I avoid completely.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 09, 2012, 04:13:31 PM
I stopped seeing a girl because she was 30, living with her parents, and working at Starbucks.

I was like...  :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: ghost on January 09, 2012, 04:16:10 PM
I stopped seeing a girl because she was 30, living with her parents, and working at Starbucks.

I was like...  :oh_i_see:

But was she hot?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 09, 2012, 04:20:46 PM
I stopped seeing a girl because she was 30, living with her parents...
I was told that in California this is expected and if I didn't like this, I'd never get a date.  I personally think it's BS because I moved out of my parents place at 18 and owned my house by 24, so why would I expect that it was "too hard" to move out?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: rattran on January 09, 2012, 04:21:48 PM
"Less crazy than I am" I think is the most important criteria. And if both people in the relationship believe that, it's even better.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Hawkbit on January 09, 2012, 04:28:49 PM
I stopped seeing a girl because she was 30, living with her parents, and working at Starbucks.

I was like...  :oh_i_see:

But was she hot?

The real question was if she had made it to shift manager or not.  That's where the real responsibility shows. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: ghost on January 09, 2012, 04:39:45 PM
"Less crazy than I am"

You have a cat as your avatar.   :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: tgr on January 09, 2012, 04:45:24 PM
"Less crazy than I am"

You have a cat as your avatar.   :oh_i_see:
What of it? :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 09, 2012, 05:25:14 PM
Or like she's directionless and has no idea what she wants to do while you have a set career?

Closer to that one.  She's 26, not quite sure yet what she wants to be when she grows up, hasn't gotten the paperwork for her college diploma done yet, stuck in a slightly awkward living situation, working on getting out from under a small pile of credit card debt... just not quite "set".  Sucks because she's a fantastic person, very sweet, super hot, ultimately wants most of the same stuff I want, but I was going nuts with the desire to "help" her get her life sorted, and I know from experience that that's a really bad road to go down.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Engels on January 09, 2012, 05:31:40 PM
Yah, that's a biggie. The 'rescue' impulse is strong in most males, and its nearly impossible to not have that nagging impulse to help when really they should be doing it for themselves. You will either end up frustrated, embittered at having to do stuff for them, or both.

If after hearing the person's life situation your first thoughts turn to 'oh, I could help with that', that should be considered an alarm bell.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 09, 2012, 05:35:47 PM
Or like she's directionless and has no idea what she wants to do while you have a set career?

Closer to that one.  She's 26, not quite sure yet what she wants to be when she grows up, hasn't gotten the paperwork for her college diploma done yet, stuck in a slightly awkward living situation, working on getting out from under a small pile of credit card debt... just not quite "set".  Sucks because she's a fantastic person, very sweet, super hot, ultimately wants most of the same stuff I want, but I was going nuts with the desire to "help" her get her life sorted, and I know from experience that that's a really bad road to go down.

Friend of mine had something similar with a girl he got married to. I'll give you the same advice I gave him. People change a lot at that point in their life, and if you can learn to roll with the punches for a couple years, you could be happy for the rest of your life.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 09, 2012, 05:36:31 PM
That's the big problem I've had with online dating in general; almost everyone I meet is in some sort of transitional phase where they don't quite know what they're doing with their life yet.  Which I guess makes sense, because why else would you be drifting around looking for dates on the Internet?

Isn't the transitional phase simply because their life plan was changed by the loss of a previous relationship? There's definitely an element of people who are not quite ready to move on yet, who have turned to internet dating as they heal. That may mean an unfortunate rebound relationship. Or accommodating whatever baggage it is that they're drifting around with.

Kissing a flight attendant by Sydney Harbour in summer is good, anyway.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 09, 2012, 05:51:27 PM
Friend of mine had something similar with a girl he got married to. I'll give you the same advice I gave him. People change a lot at that point in their life, and if you can learn to roll with the punches for a couple years, you could be happy for the rest of your life.

That's how I ended up married the first time.  Never again.   :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on January 09, 2012, 06:11:45 PM
Sucks because she's a fantastic person, very sweet, super hot, ultimately wants most of the same stuff I want, but I was going nuts with the desire to "help" her get her life sorted, and I know from experience that that's a really bad road to go down.

Whereas you and everyone else you know is sorted for life, right?

Everyone will go through moments of doubt and difficulty and frustration with how their lives are going. If you are looking for someone who is 'fixed' in that regard you might be waiting a long time. If the person is fundamentally someone you feel a strong connection with maybe you can just dial down on your own issues and come together?

If you aren't able to have a relationship where you can be there for each other when needed without it becoming awkward then it's probably a sign that you both have issues you need to deal with, not just her.

Fake-Edit: What Paelos said.

Of course, you might just be looking for something less stressful or fun at this point, which is fine.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 09, 2012, 06:13:38 PM
Or like she's directionless and has no idea what she wants to do while you have a set career?

Closer to that one.  She's 26, not quite sure yet what she wants to be when she grows up, hasn't gotten the paperwork for her college diploma done yet, stuck in a slightly awkward living situation, working on getting out from under a small pile of credit card debt... just not quite "set".  Sucks because she's a fantastic person, very sweet, super hot, ultimately wants most of the same stuff I want, but I was going nuts with the desire to "help" her get her life sorted, and I know from experience that that's a really bad road to go down.

So, honest question. Why are you looking? You don't sound ready to me. Not just from this post obviously, but there's always going to be something that you can latch on to as the reason something won't work, you know?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 09, 2012, 07:21:08 PM
So, honest question. Why are you looking? You don't sound ready to me. Not just from this post obviously, but there's always going to be something that you can latch on to as the reason something won't work, you know?

Entirely possible.  I'm pretty sure that if I found the right person in the right circumstances, I'd be ready.  Won't know for certain unless I find such a person and it either works out or I find some novel way to cock it up.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 09, 2012, 10:24:39 PM
I don't know, sounds pretty defeatist to me.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Viin on January 09, 2012, 10:49:30 PM
If you are professional looking for another professional (I never did want to date a girl that needed me to give her life direction), have you tried www.itsjustlunch.com?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: tar on January 10, 2012, 05:37:45 AM
"Less crazy than I am" I think is the most important criteria. And if both people in the relationship believe that, it's even better.

Nononono, no, you don't want someone less crazy than you. You don't want someone more crazy than you. You want someone just as crazy as you.

At least in terms of intensity, you don't want the same flavour of crazy though. After all, you wouldn't have a peanut butter and peanut butter sandwich would you? :ye_gods:  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 10, 2012, 05:55:30 AM
Have we finished analysing Sam yet ?

For what it's worth, I think he's done the right thing for him.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on January 10, 2012, 07:48:38 AM
If you are professional looking for another professional (I never did want to date a girl that needed me to give her life direction), have you tried www.itsjustlunch.com?

Some amusing reading (http://www.consumeraffairs.com/dating_services/just_lunch_women.html) regarding their business practices, fwiw.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on January 10, 2012, 08:16:00 AM
If you are professional looking for another professional (I never did want to date a girl that needed me to give her life direction), have you tried www.itsjustlunch.com?

Some amusing reading (http://www.consumeraffairs.com/dating_services/just_lunch_women.html) regarding their business practices, fwiw.

'Amusing' is an interesting way to describe con-artists.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Miasma on January 10, 2012, 08:45:33 AM
If you are professional looking for another professional (I never did want to date a girl that needed me to give her life direction), have you tried www.itsjustlunch.com?

Some amusing reading (http://www.consumeraffairs.com/dating_services/just_lunch_women.html) regarding their business practices, fwiw.
Thousands of dollars to use that site?  Holy crap, no wonder they can afford to send out actresses once in a while.

There was a story a few months ago about one of the normal sites automatically sending you fictitious winks when your subscription was about to expire or to get you to sign up again.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 10, 2012, 08:48:56 AM
Makes OK Cupid seem awesome.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Chimpy on January 10, 2012, 09:11:28 AM
There was a story a few months ago about one of the normal sites automatically sending you fictitious winks when your subscription was about to expire or to get you to sign up again.

Match.com sends you "emails" and "winks" etc. to try and get you to pay them when you set up the free account. I am sure they do that when you are about to expire/have expired too. They also got in hot water for sending out paid staff on dates a few years ago iirc.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on January 10, 2012, 10:38:58 AM
Reminds me of OKCupid's statistics analysis blog post that basically explained why any pay for dating site was probably a pile of shit, basically the fact that they have a real incentive to maintain as high a possible number of profiles combined with never knowing which ones aren't replying to you because they're not interested vs. not active and a few other points that made sense. This article disappeared pretty much as soon as they were bought over by match.com but they posted something about how it disappearing was nothing to do with the merger and simply reflected a change in the priorities they wanted for their statistics analysis blog. Though that blog is still one of the more interesting reads there, if you're actually into mathematical statistics you'll probably find it irritating but for a fun popcorn analysis of random things it's interesting.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on January 10, 2012, 10:44:57 AM
I would think that the value of a pay site would be in gatekeeping the participants to those most invested in finding a partner.  


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 10, 2012, 11:02:44 AM
I would think that the value of a pay site would be in gatekeeping the participants to those most invested in finding a partner.  

Not for the company trying to make money on monthly subscriptions.  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on January 10, 2012, 11:18:42 AM
There was a story a few months ago about one of the normal sites automatically sending you fictitious winks when your subscription was about to expire or to get you to sign up again.

Match.com sends you "emails" and "winks" etc. to try and get you to pay them when you set up the free account. I am sure they do that when you are about to expire/have expired too. They also got in hot water for sending out paid staff on dates a few years ago iirc.

True.com also spams winks to a ton of your matches when you first sign up.  Thought I was losing my mind when people wrote me saying that I had winked at them, when I'd never even viewed their profile...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: K9 on January 10, 2012, 01:00:57 PM
mathematical statistics

I'm more into non-mathematical stats myself  :why_so_serious:

The blog seems to have died sadly, nothing since april last year. It was such an entertaining read too, I can only hope they're taking the energy and turning it into a book.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MuffinMan on January 10, 2012, 01:22:58 PM
Their blogs are what first brought me to OkCupid. It seems they stopped soon after being bought by match.com along with removing the blog my brother in "Man" is referring to.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: K9 on January 10, 2012, 01:48:05 PM
Yeah, I was wondering where that article went.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 10, 2012, 06:21:33 PM
The situation in Australia is different. The largest dating site by far is a local one http://www.rsvp.com.au with millions of users (nation's population is only 20 million). It's essentially a search engine where you can set hundreds of parameters (age range, star signs, desire to have kids, interest in pets, hair colour, whatever).

Without paying, you can view and send a "kiss" (wink) to anyone's profile who has not paid to be hidden from searches. They can reply approvingly/disapprovingly. If you have a good photo, you may be bombarded with kisses. But to actually write to someone, you need a virtual "stamp" which costs money. You can buy stamps in bulk for about $4 each, but if you're only buying a few stamps they're about $10 each. So while it gouges you for profit, it's like committing to buy the other person a drink. It sort of works.

You can choose to hide your photos, or hide your whole profile (at an extra cost) except to those you reveal it to. So there's a public "scene" of fully visible old hands feasting on new users, who are flattered by the attention and disappointed by the reality, unless they wise up and realise there's more going on. When I went through that, I was #3 on the top 100 profiles and a woman 1000km away sent me cleavage shots at 4am. We still haven't met - sorry everyone.

A couple of years ago, I met my recent ex by searching for people in my industry and contacting the ones who had hidden their photos. She had attracted too much attention when public, so she preferred to choose who could see the photos. All the better for me at the time.

I've only just started dating again after recovering from a major illness (which I mention in my profile), so I decided to mess with this system without any expectations. In the last 30 days, I've had about 250 views, of which 85 sent me kisses. That's the incoming traffic. It also tells me I've viewed like 150 profiles and sent about 30 kisses. Between the incoming ones I responded positively to, and the ones I initiated that wanted to hear from me, I've had the 8 dates described in my posts above, one of whom I'm still seeing. There are others still to meet.

You can also sign up for compatibility-based matching, which connects you with some public or hidden profiles each day, eHarmony style. eHarmony is also popular here.

I'm sure I sound awful. But now you know the Aussie online dating system.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 10, 2012, 07:23:59 PM
Without paying, you can view and send a "kiss" (wink) to anyone's profile who has not paid to be hidden from searches. They can reply approvingly/disapprovingly. If you have a good photo, you may be bombarded with kisses. But to actually write to someone, you need a virtual "stamp" which costs money. You can buy stamps in bulk for about $4 each, but if you're only buying a few stamps they're about $10 each. So while it gouges you for profit, it's like committing to buy the other person a drink. It sort of works.

Do they need a stamp to reply, or do you just need the stamp to initiate a new conversation?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 10, 2012, 07:33:15 PM
Do they need a stamp to reply, or do you just need the stamp to initiate a new conversation?

One person pays for the stamp, which opens communication both ways for a month. Generally it's the guy.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 10, 2012, 07:55:45 PM
I had a drink with #8, a lovely person who decided to wait until 2/3 of the way through our conversation to explain that she'd been profoundly deaf most of her life, and recently had her hearing restored in an operation. I rejoiced for her, after spending 2/3 of my drink wondering why she spoke with the laboured, overpronounced sounds of a hearing-impaired person and avoiding asking any Borat-style questions.

I'd like to think I am open minded enough that had I turned up knowing this information, the date might not have been so shit. I'm thinking of telling her to tell people. If they won't meet you because of something you were up front about, you don't want to know them anyway.

So no second date, then?

I did it. I sent her a message saying that she should be up front about her situation, like I was about the illness I've been recovering from. She sent an angry reply, saying she was sad for me that out of everything, all I could focus on was her hearing. But that's what happens when you don't tell someone what to expect.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 11, 2012, 02:46:02 AM
 :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 11, 2012, 05:02:15 AM
Without really knowing you much better than I know her, but with your previous post on the topic as my context. I kinda have to agree with her POV here. To be blunt, it's none of your business how she presents herself, and giving her this "advice", well-meaning as it may be makes you come across like a bit of a douche. Especially the "you should" bit.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 11, 2012, 05:13:01 AM
The whole 'The Date was Crap and that was HER FAULT' vibe coming off is also kinda douchey.  The lassie sounds like she had a disability that anyone with experience would pick up on instantly (worked with Deafblind Scotland for a while) and it sounds like you're blaming her for your own ignorance and lack of balls to ask 'what's with that'.

As to her being upfront about it, the whole passive aggressive, 'here's what you should have done to win me' thing makes you sound like a total cockmonkey.  I want to ask why the date was so shit for you.

But I dislike this thread because it really has the potential to get too personal.  I haven't dated in decades and I'm kinda enjoying that feeling, so I don't wanna judge.  Unless we're talking about Sam.  Then I want to judge.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on January 11, 2012, 06:32:18 AM
Were I you I would probably say something more to the effect of sorry our date didn't go well, I couldn't get past the speech thing and that's on me, I think I could have handled it better had I known up front.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on January 11, 2012, 07:42:49 AM
stuff

Agree with the gist of your post (if not the method of delievery), but wanted to say that I LIKE this whole thread and hope it continues forever.  So entertaining.  Only lacks pics, which I think is a tremendous oversight on all your parts.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 11, 2012, 07:52:56 AM
stuff

Agree with the gist of your post (if not the method of delievery), but wanted to say that I LIKE this whole thread and hope it continues forever.  So entertaining.  Only lacks pics, which I think is a tremendous oversight on all your parts.

I vow that if I ever get a date off OKC, I shall post pictures of it. In fact, I'll even do one better and type up an Onion-like review in news story fashion.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 11, 2012, 07:55:35 AM
Method of delivery ?  Should I have called him up ?

 :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 11, 2012, 07:59:21 AM
Perhaps you were too blunt for Cyrrex? I actually rewrote my own reply as the first one came off quite a bit more aggressively...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 11, 2012, 08:00:02 AM
I figure people will have got used to my content delivery method and won't actually give a fuck about anything I say.

 :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 11, 2012, 08:04:09 AM
Nah, you've got a fan club here.
You should sell memberships, and even personal phone calls for 10 quid a pop where you ring up posters here and call them a cunt before hanging up on them.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 11, 2012, 08:15:05 AM
They wouldn't understand the accent.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on January 11, 2012, 08:27:59 AM
Then you need to call them up enough until they do understand.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 11, 2012, 08:28:51 AM
at 10 quid a pop.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: IainC on January 11, 2012, 11:14:20 AM
"I can't what?"
"Sorry, I didn't catch that, what can't I do?"
"Ohhhh... a cunt, I'm a cunt. Righto, thanks a lot, bye now!"


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 11, 2012, 12:45:27 PM
I don't even say it that much.




Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 11, 2012, 01:40:35 PM
I don't even say it that much.

For 10 quid a pop? I'd say you'd get over that issue real fast.  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 11, 2012, 01:45:52 PM
Once upon a time, I took a trip to London that was technically a theatre class. We wound up seeing 13 plays over the course of two weeks. One of the plays, The Government Inspector (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Government_Inspector) reflected the various levels of who was in the know and who was an ignorant yokel through their accents. Naturally, the dipshit rural morons were Scottish. I was the only one who understood a fucking thing the Scots were saying, and had to explain what had happened so far to everyone else in my class during intermission.  :why_so_serious:

One of my still-had-an-accent cousins, though. His accent was sort of thick AND he mumbled, so even when I was focusing really hard, I'd understand about half of what he was saying. Dude probably thought I was hard of hearing the way I'd ask him to repeat what he said all the time. My grandfather's accent was easy, though!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 11, 2012, 02:34:34 PM
Ironwood, your posting style is: obese man throwing beer cans from armchair. You think "CUNT COCKMONKEY CUNT but what would I know?" sounds nicer than "CUNT COCKMONKEY CUNT".

A couple of pages ago, you had very strong opinions about women who do not reveal their actual weight.

Before #8 met me, we exchanged 2000 words of emails and life stories. She deliberately avoided what I would notice from the moment she said "hello".

Quote
I want to ask why the date was so shit for you.

Unexpectedly awkward social interactions, as her personality developed without much practice at that.

If there's a man for whom a first date that unfolds like that is a good experience, he's a better man than me. You're not him.

I didn't say "you should", etc. I gently and politely said I had been distracted by the fact she left it for a big reveal, because unlike you, I am not putting disability on a pedestal. None of the disabled people I know have wanted me to do that.

I'm telling these stories because people said they wanted to hear more when I revived this thread. Meanwhile, your daughter's childhood appears to be suffering from 15,000 posts on F13.net.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 11, 2012, 02:36:10 PM
I'm telling these stories because people said they wanted to hear more when I revived this thread. Meanwhile, your daughter's childhood appears to be suffering from 15,000 posts on F13.net.

Ok, motherfucker, that was a low blow and entirely uncalled for.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 11, 2012, 03:10:42 PM
I'm telling these stories because people said they wanted to hear more when I revived this thread. Meanwhile, your daughter's childhood appears to be suffering from 15,000 posts on F13.net.

Ok, motherfucker, that was a low blow and entirely uncalled for.

Ironwood made a smug low blow about the end of my previous relationship, then continued in this vein. This doesn't just have the "potential" to get too personal. It did several pages ago, by his doing, and that's why I'm angry.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 11, 2012, 03:12:46 PM
 :popcorn:

Cautiously, though.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 11, 2012, 03:59:37 PM
There's a difference between getting personal about dates you blow and talking about a man's kids. A huge fucking difference.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 11, 2012, 06:36:24 PM
There's a difference between getting personal about dates you blow and talking about a man's kids. A huge fucking difference.

I lost the child to whom I was a father figure when my partner was damaged by a family tragedy and my health fell apart. We were left unable to help each other and sadly lost our relationship, summed up by you as "a date I blew" and by Ironwood as "she was probably thinking of leaving you anyway".

I implied he spends time here that could be spent with his daughter. It was a nasty personal attack, because I was angry about his unprovoked comment on my loss, followed by continual negativity around my posts. People are welcome to disagree with my posts about online dating, but he's throwing in douche, lack of balls, cockmonkey, after kicking me about my previous relationship.

I apologise for my comment.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 11, 2012, 06:43:39 PM
Were I you I would probably say something more to the effect of sorry our date didn't go well, I couldn't get past the speech thing and that's on me, I think I could have handled it better had I known up front.

Good comment. I think that would have been a better approach to her.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 11, 2012, 07:59:07 PM
(http://dl.dropbox.com/u/963220/tumblr_le3iqrK4QK1qe91wdo1_250.gif)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on January 11, 2012, 08:19:35 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWePWdF0tXk


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 11, 2012, 09:19:00 PM
There's a difference between getting personal about dates you blow and talking about a man's kids. A huge fucking difference.

I lost the child to whom I was a father figure when my partner was damaged by a family tragedy and my health fell apart. We were left unable to help each other and sadly lost our relationship, summed up by you as "a date I blew" and by Ironwood as "she was probably thinking of leaving you anyway".

I implied he spends time here that could be spent with his daughter. It was a nasty personal attack, because I was angry about his unprovoked comment on my loss, followed by continual negativity around my posts. People are welcome to disagree with my posts about online dating, but he's throwing in douche, lack of balls, cockmonkey, after kicking me about my previous relationship.

I apologise for my comment.

Give her a ring, wish her happy new year. Ask if she wants to go out for a coffee and catch up for a chat.
The worst that can happen is she tells you to fuck off.
Do it.
Now.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 11, 2012, 11:00:57 PM
Give her a ring, wish her happy new year. Ask if she wants to go out for a coffee and catch up for a chat.
The worst that can happen is she tells you to fuck off.
Do it.
Now.

Thanks, we met for coffee twice and may again, but she has retreated into being a single mother. I did a lot of grieving. For my sanity, six months later, I had to face moving on.

Anyway, I've tried to demonstrate why I got angry about Ironwood's dig at my past.

And I am still dating #7.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on January 12, 2012, 01:41:12 AM
Yes, yes, you were both being overly douchey for a bit there.  Now, go hug it out before the thread gets denned.

Also, it is getting too hard to keep all this sorted.  I recommend that, from now on, your dates be referred to not by arbitrary numbers (#7, #8, etc.), but rather by their estimated bra sizes.  Just to keep things orderly and whatnot.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: rk47 on January 12, 2012, 02:17:01 AM
Do you want to know more?
Since I gave up on dating, sure!

*Reads in fascination*

This could be inspiring.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 12, 2012, 05:57:30 AM
There's a difference between getting personal about dates you blow and talking about a man's kids. A huge fucking difference.

I lost the child to whom I was a father figure when my partner was damaged by a family tragedy and my health fell apart. We were left unable to help each other and sadly lost our relationship, summed up by you as "a date I blew" and by Ironwood as "she was probably thinking of leaving you anyway".

I implied he spends time here that could be spent with his daughter. It was a nasty personal attack, because I was angry about his unprovoked comment on my loss, followed by continual negativity around my posts. People are welcome to disagree with my posts about online dating, but he's throwing in douche, lack of balls, cockmonkey, after kicking me about my previous relationship.

I apologise for my comment.

I wouldn't worry about it.  It seemed to bother Haemish more than I.  In that I just read it just now and didn't really see it as that offensive.

I will say, however, that there are times when personal stuff gets personal because it's personal, not due to what the other chap is saying.  What you appear to be saying here is 'That situation that I utterly glossed over previously was actually truly heartbreaking and devastating and you guys made comments I took badly because you had no fucking clue about the chasm that exists in my soul.'

To which I'd say, well, yeah;  because we didn't know about the chasm that existed in your soul.  That's kinda how it works.  

In a similar vein, you posted about a date that went badly and summed it up in such a way that it sounded like it was you that not only screwed it up, but then went on to blame her to, you know, her face.  Which I thought was odd.

But this all does, in fact, mean I was right about not liking this thread due to the potential for .... drama.  I'm going to continue to read for the lulz, but I ain't stepping on any more Claymores.


Edited to add :  Now that I think about it, all my posts are done at work.  I guess that's why I'm not bothered about the comment.  My family relationship is fine, but I suspect my employers are getting shafted.   :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 12, 2012, 06:31:46 AM
They give it often enough, they can take it once in a while.   Welcome to the mentality of non-management, 'wood!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on January 12, 2012, 08:05:47 AM
The funniest part of this thread recently is HaemishM going cereal for a few posts speaking up for Ironwood.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 12, 2012, 08:16:33 AM
Well, I appreciate it, even so.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 12, 2012, 08:38:44 AM
The funniest part of this thread recently is HaemishM going cereal for a few posts speaking up for Ironwood.

When people come after people you like, we all have to hold in the urge to go batshit redneck with a shotgun when you live down here. Some days are better than others. It's one day at a time really.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 12, 2012, 10:36:06 AM
I saw Ironwood's comments on the whole "she used to be deaf but she didn't tell me thing" as pretty appropriate actually, because it sounded to me like Tale was being a shallow, arrogant twat who didn't want to date someone because that someone didn't tell him she used to be deaf and that's why she talked funny. I can understand if her big reveal was "I used to have a dick" - that's kind of a big deal. Nowhere in any of that discussion did I see any mention of a child or heart-rending ZOMGBROKEMYSOUL history. Maybe I wasn't reading far enough.

Bringing up someone's child by saying "You're a horrible parent for posting on a web forum" is a bit of a no-fly zone for me. The kid did nothing to you and Ironwood said nothing about a kid either. My sperginess is totally related to "don't bring the fucking kids into it." Ironwood doesn't need me defending him and you two can continue to call each whatever names you want - just leave kids out of it.

Also, we need more dating experiences that we can laugh at.  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 12, 2012, 11:08:34 AM
You could re-read the thread from the start.  That gave me a laugh.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 12, 2012, 11:33:24 AM
I actually had to go back and see the comment you made that apparently pissed him off - it was startlingly lacking in any sort of information that would lead you to believe a flippant response would get some return vitriol.

But yes, much laughter.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 12, 2012, 12:08:45 PM
I've got a date on Sunday. So I'll fill you in.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on January 12, 2012, 12:10:47 PM
Honestly I didn't think that being suddenly presented with a disability when you meet someone could throw you enough to make a date awkward. If you've seen photos and communicated via PMs you'll have put together a mental image prior to the meeting and suddenly having a noticable new point appended to that in a somewhat stressful situation (at least I find the beginning of all dates a bit stressful) would probably be enough of a twist to make relaxing and getting to know them a bit harder. It's in no way her fault that she had what amounted to a speech impediment but it's the kind of thing you'd think someone would notice if you've actually talked with them. Maybe she didn't think it was a big deal but, honestly, I think Tale telling her that it could help to let people know beforehand was advice that would help her dating prospects.

Of course then everything got :ye_gods: but I would like to hear more about bra size rated dating escapades.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on January 12, 2012, 12:36:10 PM
So here's a situation which I'd like some feedback on.

Say you meet someone online.  You exchange a few emails, and have a couple of phone calls, seem to be hitting it off, and decide to meet.  You meet for dinner at a popular, busy restaurant, and are seated at the table.

The first thing your date does is ask to see your driver's license.  You produce it, and they scrutinize it for a full minute before handing it back to you.  Then they pull out a cell phone and ask you to pose for a picture.  They take the picture, spend several minutes forwarding it to several friends/acquaintances/etc. and waiting for their responses.  Then they put their cell phone away and launch into conversation as if nothing had happened.

What is your response to this?  How do you forsee the rest of the date going?

(Yes, this actually happened to me a year ago.  Yes, I'll respond with my response after a couple of others respond.)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 12, 2012, 12:39:20 PM
"Goodbye you nutter-butter ?"

While I actually might understand the whole 'I want to check that you are you and haven't KILLED the date I'm supposed to have met*', the pic thing is just fucking weird and smacks of 'My friends will show this to the cops if my body shows up'.

I sense she's either had trouble in the past or is a fucking nutter.

*and if you killed him, you'd take his wallet, right ?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: WayAbvPar on January 12, 2012, 12:42:50 PM
Run. Even though she is technically just being cautious, this is a huge flag. Either she has had significant issues with this sort of thing in the past (which means she is either crazy, or has some crazy ex's waiting to follow you around, or both), or she lives a life of crippling fear and will be exactly zero fun to be around.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Hawkbit on January 12, 2012, 12:44:10 PM
Yeah, there's supposedly some app you can upload data to that will check by photo if you're in the 'trouble' database.  I understand that they want to know if you are who you say you are, but that's absurd.

The fact that she is forwarding the pic to friends means that she values their opinions more than she values her own.  

Let me guess, either this chick stabbed you in a dark alley after the date, or else you married her.  Both of which have equivalent outcomes, fwiw.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: shiznitz on January 12, 2012, 12:48:03 PM
Run. Even though she is technically just being cautious, this is a huge flag. Either she has had significant issues with this sort of thing in the past (which means she is either crazy, or has some crazy ex's waiting to follow you around, or both), or she lives a life of crippling fear and will be exactly zero fun to be around.

Agree with this.  No one does this normally.  She or a friend had some traumatic experience that makes her distrust men.  Caution is ok, but asking a date to pose for a mug shot is "nutter' (I like this term.)  How do you think a normal woman would react on a first date if you asked for a social security number so that you could run a background check?  


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 12, 2012, 12:51:15 PM
I would politely ask what that was about, shrug and tell her I'm not insane, enjoy my dinner and never see her again.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 12, 2012, 12:53:17 PM
^


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Yegolev on January 12, 2012, 12:53:24 PM
She sounds like a great mystery person to unravel.  License to act weird on your part, also.  Of course, after 13 years of marriage I don't have any danger of becoming unduly attached to anyone should I end up dating again, and admit that I would be in it partially for the spectacle.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 12, 2012, 12:53:36 PM
"Goodbye you nutter-butter?"

This.

The driver's license thing on its own would set off my alarm bells because I usually wait to disclose my last name or home address until after at least one date that does not give me psycho stalker vibes.  The camera thing is just nuts.  I might just get up and leave at that point, and immediately begin regretting that I'd let her study my ID.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: WayAbvPar on January 12, 2012, 12:53:39 PM
Alternatively, whip out a banana and ask her to show you her oral sex techniques 'just to be safe'.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Yegolev on January 12, 2012, 12:54:39 PM
The driver's license thing on its own would set off my alarm bells because I usually wait to disclose my last name or home address until after at least one date that does not give me psycho stalker vibes.  The camera thing is just nuts.  I might just get up and leave at that point, and immediately begin regretting that I'd let her study my ID.

In Georgia, I'm allowed to shoot anyone intruding on my property. :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 12, 2012, 12:55:04 PM
Alternatively, whip out a banana and ask her to show you her oral sex techniques 'just to be safe'.

Or you can offer her a semen sample for a background check.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Musashi on January 12, 2012, 12:56:08 PM
In fact, demand that she take a semen sample.  For the DNA.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 12, 2012, 01:00:46 PM
The camera thing is just nuts.

Maybe she just needed a pic to Photoshop onto the wedding pictures she's cribbed out of all those frames she bought to celebrate your upcoming nuptials.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on January 12, 2012, 01:01:32 PM
I have had first dates that went well (not like that, you know hanging out for drinks and chit-chat) and my date has gotten a call at 11pm from a friend to ensure that they are all right.  Checking my license and texting information to friends in case they go missing?  That kind of paranoia doesn't bode well for the future.  I'd leave, but I always did coffee dates first just so I could call it off easily.  Going straight to dinner seems like asking to be miserable most of the time.  Actually, it was a first date dinner situation where she spent most of her time on the phone that pushed me to scale the meetings down to something more casual initially.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: rattran on January 12, 2012, 01:18:17 PM
I did end a date in the middle of a meal once by saying "I need to go to my car" and then driving home.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 12, 2012, 01:18:21 PM
She sounds like a great mystery person to unravel.  License to act weird on your part, also.  Of course, after 13 years of marriage I don't have any danger of becoming unduly attached to anyone should I end up dating again, and admit that I would be in it partially for the spectacle.

Oh good, I was worried it was just me and my recent troubles that have fostered this very mindset.  


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Raging Turtle on January 12, 2012, 01:22:05 PM
Actually, it was a first date dinner situation where she spent most of her time on the phone that pushed me to scale the meetings down to something more casual initially.

That would be more of a deal breaker than the driver's license/picture sharing thing for me.

For the situation being discussed, it'd be several points against her but still depend on how the rest of the date went.  There are some pretty batshit people out there, and her last date may have legitimately scared her.

I may have posted this link here before (3 year old thread!), but it's a good place to read about crazy people without having to experience it yourself: http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/ (http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 12, 2012, 01:40:02 PM
Actually, it was a first date dinner situation where she spent most of her time on the phone that pushed me to scale the meetings down to something more casual initially.

That would be more of a deal breaker than the driver's license/picture sharing thing for me.

For the situation being discussed, it'd be several points against her but still depend on how the rest of the date went.  There are some pretty batshit people out there, and her last date may have legitimately scared her.

I may have posted this link here before (3 year old thread!), but it's a good place to read about crazy people without having to experience it yourself: http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/ (http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/)


While I may be disappointed with a lack of any activity on my OKC account, I do appreciate more and more that I haven't had any activity on it. Thanks thread people!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 12, 2012, 01:43:25 PM
http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/ (http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/)

(http://dl.dropbox.com/u/40386/Macros/rkellywtfio8.gif)

(http://dl.dropbox.com/u/40386/Macros/shoot_computer.png)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 12, 2012, 01:46:21 PM
 Actually, it was a first date dinner situation where she spent most of her time on the phone that pushed me to scale the meetings down to something more casual initially.

Naw.  Just NO.  That's so ignorant it's just not acceptable in any form.  Get tae fuck.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 12, 2012, 01:55:09 PM
I may have posted this link here before (3 year old thread!), but it's a good place to read about crazy people without having to experience it yourself: http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/ (http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/)


Oh dear God, it's like looking into the mouth of hell, only I CAN'T LOOK AWAY!!!!!  :ye_gods:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 12, 2012, 01:58:32 PM
I might wish to know more about Plato's Beef Philosophy.  It sounds fascinating.

 :ye_gods:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on January 12, 2012, 02:21:20 PM
Run. Even though she is technically just being cautious, this is a huge flag. Either she has had significant issues with this sort of thing in the past (which means she is either crazy, or has some crazy ex's waiting to follow you around, or both), or she lives a life of crippling fear and will be exactly zero fun to be around.
Agree with this.  No one does this normally in front of their date.
FIFY :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on January 12, 2012, 02:42:45 PM

THis one is my favorite.

I'm sorry this one is better: http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/2012/01/pizza-pond-and-wardrobe.html


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 12, 2012, 03:15:25 PM
That site is filled with so much wtf...even if half is actually true, I count my blessings that I am not going on dates now. Thanks again thread people.  :ye_gods:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 12, 2012, 03:24:49 PM
I suspect 'Story sent in by' gives the game away somewhat.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Yegolev on January 12, 2012, 03:30:03 PM
Stop tugging at the curtain.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 12, 2012, 03:31:49 PM
So here's a situation which I'd like some feedback on.

Say you meet someone online.  You exchange a few emails, and have a couple of phone calls, seem to be hitting it off, and decide to meet.  You meet for dinner at a popular, busy restaurant, and are seated at the table.

The first thing your date does is ask to see your driver's license.  You produce it, and they scrutinize it for a full minute before handing it back to you.  Then they pull out a cell phone and ask you to pose for a picture.  They take the picture, spend several minutes forwarding it to several friends/acquaintances/etc. and waiting for their responses.  Then they put their cell phone away and launch into conversation as if nothing had happened.

What is your response to this?  How do you forsee the rest of the date going?

(Yes, this actually happened to me a year ago.  Yes, I'll respond with my response after a couple of others respond.)

wat

No seriously, what? That is crazy. I would spend the rest of the date thinking "What? What the fuck was that?" Assuming we didn't just end the date early because no you cannot see my fucking license you crazy bitch.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 12, 2012, 03:35:37 PM
I should get my friend to go into detail about the date he went on with the chick who owned a raccoon.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Viin on January 12, 2012, 03:36:40 PM
I assume she was planning on sleeping with you, so she wanted to make sure you knew her friends knew who you were so that you wouldn't kill her and dump her body the next morning.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ghambit on January 12, 2012, 03:54:39 PM
I assume she was planning on sleeping with you, so she wanted to make sure you knew her friends knew who you were so that you wouldn't kill her and dump her body the next morning.

This.  Anytime a woman would go through all that it typically means she's thinking about having sex, which usually is decided within the first 5 mins. of meeting a man.  Those men who spot "the signs" go home winners and not complainers.

This is also why it's a good idea on a first date to find that common bond that (if even distantly) links you somehow to her life; if not that, then make sure you give up a lot of personal info. (be vulnerable) that can be easily verified.  It ramps up the trust factor by orders of magnitude.

I've seen women go from suspecting I (or my friends) roll out in a white Econoline, to pretty much doing whatever it takes to get laid... all in the space of a few hours.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 12, 2012, 04:07:53 PM
I should get my friend to go into detail about the date he went on with the chick who owned a raccoon.

You are now absolutely required by law to share a story with that intriguing a tagline.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 12, 2012, 04:14:24 PM
I made it through one post on that dating site. Not even a little bit interesting. But that might be because I went on, I don't know, 100+ first dates in the last 3 years.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on January 12, 2012, 05:59:04 PM
I would politely ask what that was about, shrug and tell her I'm not insane, enjoy my dinner and never see her again.

Paelos pretty much hit my reaction on the nose.  Her response?  "You can't be too careful when meeting someone from online."

Yeah, there are murderers, crazies, and psychos galore online (and everywhere).  But trust is needed to start a relationship, and she didn't have any walking in the door.

I've seen women go from suspecting I (or my friends) roll out in a white Econoline, to pretty much doing whatever it takes to get laid... all in the space of a few hours.

Remind me to post the date story I told Lantyssa someday.  When I'm far more intoxicated than I am now...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 12, 2012, 06:08:42 PM
If you're going to be that damn paranoid about people you meet on the internet, don't date people you meet on the internet. Because apparently she was incapable of thinking of you as a real person, rather than a potentially murderous internet person.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Slayerik on January 12, 2012, 06:15:30 PM
She coulda at least been sly about it, and just made some fake "look at my bad driver's license picture" ... let's see yours! The mugshot...... whoa.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Sjofn on January 12, 2012, 06:17:30 PM
Oh, but then the possibly crazed internet guy might've seen her address on her license, since she'd have to show hers first!  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 12, 2012, 06:28:35 PM
Yeah, there are murderers, crazies, and psychos galore online (and everywhere).  But trust is needed to start a relationship, and she didn't have any walking in the door.

It's not even a question of trust, she's just nuts.  Like I said, I just don't give out my last name or my address on a first date (maybe at the end if I have a strong feeling there's going to be a second date).  Most girls I've met online have a similar policy.  It's completely reasonable to wait to start doling out the trust until AFTER you've had at least an hour to get to know them.

There's a huge gulf between that and "pose for a mug shot please".


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 12, 2012, 06:46:43 PM
I did end a date in the middle of a meal once by saying "I need to go to my car" and then driving home.

Tell me more.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on January 12, 2012, 07:16:43 PM
To which I'd say, well, yeah;  because we didn't know about the chasm that existed in your soul.

There are far worse stories. Tread on the internet dating posters carefully.

I made it through one post on that dating site. Not even a little bit interesting. But that might be because I went on, I don't know, 100+ first dates in the last 3 years.

"So what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a life coach" and speed dating at 40.

Japanese-looking speed date: "Hi."
"Hi, I'm (Tale), what's your name?"
"No English."


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Selby on January 12, 2012, 07:40:47 PM
She coulda at least been sly about it, and just made some fake "look at my bad driver's license picture" ... let's see yours!
This would have been a fun game to play.  I look nothing like my driver's license anymore, people aren't even sure it's mine...


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on January 12, 2012, 08:47:09 PM
The first thing your date does is ask to see your driver's license.  You produce it, and they scrutinize it for a full minute before handing it back to you.  Then they pull out a cell phone and ask you to pose for a picture.  They take the picture, spend several minutes forwarding it to several friends/acquaintances/etc. and waiting for their responses. 

I'm going to guess she was finding out if anyone in her network had gone out with you in the past.

I think it's fairly common in online dating that there is a lot of crossover where a relatively small pool of people go on dates.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 12, 2012, 09:10:05 PM
I'm going to guess she was finding out if anyone in her network had gone out with you in the past.

She could have done that before the date by passing around a link to his profile, though, with him being none the wiser.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: rattran on January 13, 2012, 02:10:27 AM
I did end a date in the middle of a meal once by saying "I need to go to my car" and then driving home.

Tell me more.

Blind(ish) date, she started out by criticizing how I looked, then when the waiter came over she ordered two glasses of white wine without asking me if I wanted any. (I think chardonnay is only fit for cleaning pipes) Then spent a long, long time going over the menu, then quizzing the waiter about everything on it. Then ordered a meal, changing everything about the dish. Nattered on about people I don't know for a while, asked if I was going to finish the wine I hadn't touched then took it and started drinking before I could reply, her glasss still being half-full. The meals came, she immediately made a scene that it was not what she'd ordered (it was). Demanded they redo hers correctly, and take mine away and redo it as it would be cold by the time hers was 'fixed'. Then she started loudly talking about how terrible the place was, and she was glad she didn't have to pay for it. A few minutes more of that and I made my exit.

My phone didn't start ringing until I'd been gone for an hour. The coworker who set me up never said a word about it. I should go back to that steak house when I'm in Phoenix next month, take the fiancee this time.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 13, 2012, 02:35:25 AM
Achievement Unlocked :  Ironwood Giggles.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: tgr on January 13, 2012, 03:00:27 AM
...reading that date site is making me twitch.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 13, 2012, 03:25:04 AM
Blind(ish) date...

I salute you, sir!
(http://elouai.com/images/yahoo/35.gif)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on January 13, 2012, 06:39:37 AM
Women really are insane, aren't they?

That site is awesome.  Can't wait to spend hours reading that stuff.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ghambit on January 13, 2012, 07:04:16 AM
I did end a date in the middle of a meal once by saying "I need to go to my car" and then driving home.

Tell me more.

Blind(ish) date, she started out by criticizing how I looked, then when the waiter came over she ordered two glasses of white wine without asking me if I wanted any. (I think chardonnay is only fit for cleaning pipes) Then spent a long, long time going over the menu, then quizzing the waiter about everything on it. Then ordered a meal, changing everything about the dish. Nattered on about people I don't know for a while, asked if I was going to finish the wine I hadn't touched then took it and started drinking before I could reply, her glasss still being half-full. The meals came, she immediately made a scene that it was not what she'd ordered (it was). Demanded they redo hers correctly, and take mine away and redo it as it would be cold by the time hers was 'fixed'. Then she started loudly talking about how terrible the place was, and she was glad she didn't have to pay for it. A few minutes more of that and I made my exit.

My phone didn't start ringing until I'd been gone for an hour. The coworker who set me up never said a word about it. I should go back to that steak house when I'm in Phoenix next month, take the fiancee this time.

This sounds like the typical "wealthy man's" date. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 13, 2012, 07:50:31 AM
I did end a date in the middle of a meal once by saying "I need to go to my car" and then driving home.

Tell me more.

Blind(ish) date, she started out by criticizing how I looked, then when the waiter came over she ordered two glasses of white wine without asking me if I wanted any. (I think chardonnay is only fit for cleaning pipes) Then spent a long, long time going over the menu, then quizzing the waiter about everything on it. Then ordered a meal, changing everything about the dish. Nattered on about people I don't know for a while, asked if I was going to finish the wine I hadn't touched then took it and started drinking before I could reply, her glasss still being half-full. The meals came, she immediately made a scene that it was not what she'd ordered (it was). Demanded they redo hers correctly, and take mine away and redo it as it would be cold by the time hers was 'fixed'. Then she started loudly talking about how terrible the place was, and she was glad she didn't have to pay for it. A few minutes more of that and I made my exit.

My phone didn't start ringing until I'd been gone for an hour. The coworker who set me up never said a word about it. I should go back to that steak house when I'm in Phoenix next month, take the fiancee this time.

I have had two of these types of dates back about 10 years ago. I tend to do blowback in these situations. As soon as it appears the date is taking a turn, I will start in on the socially awkward behaviors and really tank it. Take your shoes off, tuck the napkin into you neck collar, flip the chair around and sit straddling the back, or my favorite... every so oftenn flinch severely as if an unseen bug is flying around your ear. If the date is going to tank, might as well take things as far as they can go.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Bunk on January 13, 2012, 08:19:15 AM
Number one, easiest way to tell if a woman is not worth your time: when they make themselves feel important by treating waiters like shit. I essentially lost a friendship that I'd had since highschool over this, once he married her.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 13, 2012, 08:41:08 AM
Number one, easiest way to tell if a woman is not worth your time: when they make themselves feel important by treating waiters like shit. I essentially lost a friendship that I'd had since highschool over this, once he married her.

Whenever I see this, I ask them if they've ever worked in the service industry. The answer is invariably no with a bunch of extra bullshit tied on top about how they waited tables at camp or something. I then inform them that if they had, they would never actually treat anyone like that or tip so low.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Yegolev on January 13, 2012, 09:01:56 AM
I tend to do blowback in these situations. As soon as it appears the date is taking a turn, I will start in on the socially awkward behaviors and really tank it. Take your shoes off, tuck the napkin into you neck collar, flip the chair around and sit straddling the back, or my favorite... every so oftenn flinch severely as if an unseen bug is flying around your ear. If the date is going to tank, might as well take things as far as they can go.

You are my new favorite poster.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Der Helm on January 13, 2012, 09:09:38 AM
I tend to do blowback in these situations. As soon as it appears the date is taking a turn, I will start in on the socially awkward behaviors and really tank it. Take your shoes off, tuck the napkin into you neck collar, flip the chair around and sit straddling the back, or my favorite... every so oftenn flinch severely as if an unseen bug is flying around your ear. If the date is going to tank, might as well take things as far as they can go.

You are my new favorite poster.
Now I need to ask my girlfriend if I can do some dating just to give this a try.  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ghambit on January 13, 2012, 09:44:47 AM
-My first net-derived date was in college... using AOL (like everyone else was at the time).  Seduced this girl from Dothan, Alabama (umm yah, Dothan) in some chatroom; maybe it was the Astrology chatroom.  :awesome_for_real:  Anyways, she looked and sounded cute so I got her to drive all the way from Dothan to Gainesville.  Oh god, what a mistake... having the "wrong" one stuck in your dorm for a weekend is no fun.  Basically she turned out to be a pretty scraggly redneck type with a gunshot hole/wound in her stomach.   She was kinda sweet though, just not my thing.  My floormate ended up playing wingman and took over; he was your typical nerdy recluse (ended up working for Rockwell) and got excited about the whole thing, only to have wingman's remorse the day after.  We used to poke fun that he'd likely stuck it in the wrong hole.   :rimshot:

-Next time was just after getting back from college.  Same deal, chatroom.  Met a local girl from Lauderdale, swapped pix, talked on the phone forever, yada yada.  Finally went on a movie date and she turned out to be a total phreak.  She bit my penix through my pants whilst laying on my lap in the movie (she had no interest in the film).  For some reason we had pretty good chemistry and one old man pulled us aside and told us we looked perfect for eachother and so happy together (on a 1st goddamned date no less).  She was Italian-PuertoRican (so yah, nice ass), curly brown hair, amazing boobies.  But, she was a total fruitcake and dumbarse (much like most of the women in SoFla).  I just cant be tasked with dealing with that.  She turned out to be "poor white trash" and lived in a run-down trailer with like 10 cats, although she did profess to being good friends (or cousins maybe?) with Xtina Aguilera (whom we chatted with a bit on AoL); this was around the time "genii in a bottle" was just released.  :oh_i_see: Whole thing ended after I took her back to her house after hanging out one night at my place; total phreak.  Never slept with her 'cause I could see it would be a future problem.  And never called her again after that, yet she'd call me about 50 times/day for the next 2 weeks, literally.

-Let's see, the next 'date' wasn't really a date but just making friends (or so I thought).  Beautiful plus-sized model type.  I never intended to 'get with her' but it became obvious she wanted more.  She was a former prison guard, which was kinda hawt but scary at the same time.  Anyways, she was a bit too "linebacker" for me (I'm only like 5'8" 140lbs).  I couldnt get over the size issue.  Also once again, a bit daft and too sofla ghetto for me.  We stayed friends though and she ended up dating Allen Iverson and having his secret lovechild.  Basketball players like big women btw.   :oh_i_see:

-Around that time was dating another girl also met online.  This one was COMPLETELY blind at first meeting (which was dinner and a movie on the riverfront).  I was feeling particularly bold after having deduced what she'd likely look like; it became an interesting project to me after gathering all the facts, verifying her features.  She showed all the textual signs of being attractive... another blue-eyed latin-italian, sofla coral springs girl, knew the nightlife well, a bit pookieheaded in her speech patterns, single-mom at too young an age, dated a lot, drove a tuned riceburner, etc.  So she shows up at the gate and of course I'm staring at her from the upstairs window (with the lights off).  I had this plan that if she was a sea-donkey that I might just not answer the door.  She walks up the path and she's a stunner... like smokin' hot.  Blue-eyed, lean, curly auburn haired, high cheekboned, plump arsed beauty.  Showed up in a tight red cocktail dress and stilletos.  I remember it well.  Needless to say I answered the door. 
Long-story shortened, she was pretty quick in a streetsmart kinda way but not well educated.  Tough girl really that'd been through a lot with all the wrong guys.  Her problem was dealing with the fact a man would be interested in her even though she was a single mom (she had a 3 yr. old; beautiful daughter that actually looked like it coulda been mine).  So she tended to be pretty skitterish and unpredictable.  She'd play tough-to-get and then suddenly throw herself at me... rinse, wash, repeat.  Screw that noise, so we drifted apart.  By the time she realized her stupidity I'd already settled down with my current gf of 10+ yrs.  I believe she got knocked-up again (she was Catholic and didnt believe in birth control) with another wrong guy. 

-Current gf of 10+ years I met online as well.  First date was the 1st x-men movie with all her friends (so it was really casual and just for fun).  I never intended to even date her actually.  I was just looking for some entertainment at the time and really just wanted to see the damned flick.  I held her hand in the movie and that was that. (some women get apeshit in love if you simply hold their hand evidently).  The reality is she's almost the most incompatible person I could envision myself with; go figure.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: lamaros on January 13, 2012, 10:00:19 AM
You are a bizarre human being.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ghambit on January 13, 2012, 10:13:53 AM
You are a bizarre human being.

I'll take that as a compliment.  So thanks, I think.
But praytell what exactly was bizarre about my post?  I found it pretty normal.  Most "non-bizarre" people in the dating scene have much more entertaining tales than mine.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: HaemishM on January 13, 2012, 10:34:32 AM
We could catalog the stunning number of stereotypes you not only spouted but also displayed in one post to explain it to you, but I don't really think you'd get it.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Der Helm on January 13, 2012, 10:39:17 AM
F13.net is full of "players". Who'd have thought THAT ?

(I thought I was the only one)


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ghambit on January 13, 2012, 10:53:52 AM
We could catalog the stunning number of stereotypes you not only spouted but also displayed in one post to explain it to you, but I don't really think you'd get it.  :awesome_for_real:

edit: but I had fun though.  And yes, I would get it actually.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: NowhereMan on January 13, 2012, 10:55:16 AM
I know I didn't think we even did MMOs any more.

What...?

Also Ghambit, every time you post I feel like I'm hearing a sleazy guy in a bar tell me his theories on women/work/play or telling me about his life stories. But you seem to be cool with coming across that way so carry on.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: WayAbvPar on January 13, 2012, 11:11:55 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=4i4TF4QY96E

Found some video of Ghambit drinking with his buddies a few years back  :grin:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: MahrinSkel on January 13, 2012, 11:17:01 AM
I like my date story that ends with me waking up being nuzzled by a miniature horse better.  Unfortunately, like many of my stories the punchline is better without the explanation.  Of course, the one that involved a cattle prod, a pair of handcuffs, and my stealing a "Kiss The Cook" apron so I didn't get arrested for streaking is pretty hilarious all the way through.

--Dave


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Slayerik on January 13, 2012, 11:42:44 AM

Also Ghambit, every time you post I feel like I'm hearing a sleazy guy in a bar tell me his theories on women/work/play or telling me about his life stories. But you seem to be cool with coming across that way so carry on.

IDK, the only part that disgusted me about Ghambit's post is that he didn't bang number two just for sport!

Reading these stories are great entertainment, thanks gents.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: rattran on January 13, 2012, 11:49:37 AM
Every time Ghambit posts about women I get the vibe he's a nerd high school senior talking about his Girlfriend in Canada that he totally didn't make up.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on January 13, 2012, 12:15:12 PM
I like my date story that ends with me waking up being nuzzled by a miniature horse better.

I totally read this as being nuzzled by someone who bets on miniature horses.  Had to read it again before I saw it was 'better' and not 'bettor'.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on January 13, 2012, 12:15:48 PM
Every time Ghambit posts about women I get the vibe he's a nerd high school senior talking about his Girlfriend in Canada that he totally didn't make up.

Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 13, 2012, 12:32:39 PM
Every time Ghambit posts about women I get the vibe he's a nerd high school senior talking about his Girlfriend in Canada that he totally didn't make up.

Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one.

We should start a club.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Chimpy on January 13, 2012, 12:58:47 PM
Every time Ghambit posts about women I get the vibe he's a nerd high school senior talking about his Girlfriend in Canada that he totally didn't make up.

Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one.

I would venture a guess that the people who don't think that are the minority.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 13, 2012, 01:10:18 PM
I'm still trying to imagine plus sized model prison guard.

Really.

And did Randall Boggs ever walk again ?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on January 13, 2012, 01:52:45 PM
I made it through one post on that dating site. Not even a little bit interesting. But that might be because I went on, I don't know, 100+ first dates in the last 3 years.

Is it safe to assume the only things you like are anything out of Japan and Magic Cards these days?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 13, 2012, 02:19:17 PM
What does Japan have to do with anything?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ghambit on January 13, 2012, 02:21:57 PM

Also Ghambit, every time you post I feel like I'm hearing a sleazy guy in a bar tell me his theories on women/work/play or telling me about his life stories. But you seem to be cool with coming across that way so carry on.

IDK, the only part that disgusted me about Ghambit's post is that he didn't bang number two just for sport!

Reading these stories are great entertainment, thanks gents.

Glad someone was entertained as that was kind of the point, blatant stereotypes or not. (who woulda thunk sleazy generalizations in a "shallow internet dating thread."  :oh_i_see:)
As for banging #2, it was just not worth the trouble.  She knew where I lived (which was unfortunately only a few blocks away), had my phone number, email, etc.  And something about her just seemed "off."  And the reality is, I am indeed too dorky, shy, and morally above water to play the game that way - as sleazy as I sound.  Hell, my past dating life doesnt hold a candle to most of the posters in here.  It really isn't that extensive or "playerish" although I have some good stories.

edit: TMI wall-of-text erasure

... more later perhaps.  I've got some great dating stories from friends but that's their business.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Draegan on January 13, 2012, 05:04:40 PM
Oh look, a whole section of Rebuttals: http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/search/label/Rebuttal

This will waste another 30 minutes for me.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 13, 2012, 05:23:22 PM
I have had two of these types of dates back about 10 years ago. I tend to do blowback in these situations. As soon as it appears the date is taking a turn, I will start in on the socially awkward behaviors and really tank it. Take your shoes off, tuck the napkin into you neck collar, flip the chair around and sit straddling the back, or my favorite... every so oftenn flinch severely as if an unseen bug is flying around your ear. If the date is going to tank, might as well take things as far as they can go.

That's all well and good, but rattran didn't have to pay.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: tgr on January 13, 2012, 05:37:14 PM
I stumbled onto this link after one of the stories:

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/129871/this_is_officially_the_worst?utm_medium=sm&utm_source=facebook&utm_content=thestir_fanpage

Samwise's two pictures fit that link perfectly.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Hawkbit on January 13, 2012, 05:53:12 PM
Holy hell, that's Mikey from Swingers, ramped up a notch or two.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on January 13, 2012, 06:01:22 PM
What does Japan have to do with anything?
Demon's Souls?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 14, 2012, 12:39:28 PM
I'm 99.9% sure that's not what he was talking about. I still have no clue what he was referring to though.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: K9 on January 15, 2012, 07:35:48 AM
But, she was a total fruitcake and dumbarse (much like most of the women in SoFla).  I just cant be tasked with dealing with that.  She turned out to be "poor white trash" and lived in a run-down trailer with like 10 cats, although she did profess to being good friends (or cousins maybe?) with Xtina Aguilera (whom we chatted with a bit on AoL); this was around the time "genii in a bottle" was just released.  :oh_i_see:

 :uhrr:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Azazel on January 15, 2012, 10:12:27 AM
I'm 99.9% sure that's not what he was talking about. I still have no clue what he was referring to though.

I believe he's referring to your ...esoteric interests in pigeon dating sims and other weird Japanese/JRPG shit. And so forth.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Margalis on January 16, 2012, 11:22:51 AM
The amazing thing about these rebuttals is that most of the bad behavior that was attributed to them in the original is attributed to the other person in the rebuttal. It's like the two people agree that some scummy thing was done but disagree on who did it.

Personally I'm tempted to believe the rebuttals because a lot of the originals sound like embellished pleas for attention.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on January 16, 2012, 11:43:17 AM
I'm 99.9% sure that's not what he was talking about. I still have no clue what he was referring to though.
I believe he's referring to your ...esoteric interests in pigeon dating sims and other weird Japanese/JRPG shit. And so forth.
Oh, then it was totally a sick burn.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 16, 2012, 12:29:28 PM
Got back from the date on Sunday. Nice girl, not heavy, and actually dances in a company in Atlanta. Good family background, nice Christian girl without being obsessed with the church culture. Very amusing and sarcastic sense of humor. All in all, it was a very pleasant get-to-know-you dinner.

The funniest part of the date was finding out that her Dad actually played Eve. So, she doesn't mind the gamer dork factor! She's getting a second date call.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 16, 2012, 12:41:26 PM
Nice girl, not heavy, he's my brother.

 :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 16, 2012, 01:41:08 PM
 :facepalm:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Yegolev on January 18, 2012, 03:16:19 PM
Prediction: Ruin comes during parental visit, twenty minutes into discussion of internet spaceships.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on January 18, 2012, 03:21:19 PM
I misread that as prenatal.

So that's now my prediction.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 18, 2012, 03:21:58 PM
Second date today, so we'll see!

Given I don't play EVE, I doubt this would be anything but a talking point.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ingmar on January 18, 2012, 03:22:26 PM
Sure, you don't play EVE... yet.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Miasma on January 18, 2012, 03:45:04 PM
She's just going to make you train interceptors and tackle for her.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 18, 2012, 03:49:40 PM
Her DAD plays Eve. She could care less.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Lantyssa on January 18, 2012, 03:52:20 PM
"So, you want to date my daughter... how do you feel about being a tackler?"


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: tgr on January 18, 2012, 03:59:44 PM
She could care less.
You're sure she could care less? :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Miasma on January 18, 2012, 04:00:55 PM
Her DAD plays Eve. She could care less.
Oh.  I am finding more often that I miss words when reading, also when writing.  I have to re-read what I write a few times to make sure I didn't omit any key verbs or nouns, I still don't find them all.  Maybe I have a brain disease.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Paelos on January 18, 2012, 04:16:36 PM
She could care less.
You're sure she could care less? :awesome_for_real:

QUIET SILLY CAT FACE!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Murgos on January 18, 2012, 04:59:17 PM
Her DAD plays Eve. She could care less.
Oh.  I am finding more often that I miss words when reading, also when writing.  I have to re-read what I write a few times to make sure I didn't omit any key verbs or nouns, I still don't find them all.  Maybe I have a brain disease.

It's pretty normal from what I understand.   Your brain is constantly filling in gaps in conversations and things you read (recursively even, adjusting what you read/heard several sentences ago).  There have been a lot of studies showing that a missing word will often go unnoticed when it's obvious what that word should have been.  To the point that people swear they read/heard it when asked immediately afterwards.

If you want to know more check out The Language Instinct by Stephen Pinker.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: 01101010 on January 19, 2012, 10:01:58 AM
http://www.gk2gk.com/

 :awesome_for_real: :oh_i_see: :uhrr: :ye_gods:

I don't have the words... but am very tempted to start a profile and see what dredges up from the depths... if anything.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Merusk on January 19, 2012, 12:11:38 PM
Having done it with previous geek/ gamer/ nerd sites from the same profound sense of curiosity....

Nothing good, man.  Nothing you want to see at all.  The only way it could be worse is if you made a female looking for male profile.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Minvaren on January 19, 2012, 12:18:01 PM
Cute site with lots of interesting profiles when I briefly used it 4 years ago.

Went back to look at it again last year - all the same profiles, now with "last logged in" dates of 3 years prior.   As always, YMMV.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: K9 on August 05, 2013, 04:38:36 PM
Bang With Friends (http://www.bangwithfriends.com/)

So yes, this is a thing apparently  :awesome_for_real:  :ye_gods:  :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on August 05, 2013, 04:41:51 PM
 :hello_thar:


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Brofellos on August 05, 2013, 04:46:57 PM
Is this where i can post pics of profiles I've saved of girls who are a) high match % with me and also b) get confrontational about being strippers/sex workers?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Ironwood on August 05, 2013, 04:48:26 PM
God, I hope not.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Trippy on August 05, 2013, 04:59:08 PM
Bang With Friends (http://www.bangwithfriends.com/)

So yes, this is a thing apparently  :awesome_for_real:  :ye_gods:  :why_so_serious:
Bang With Friends is so six months ago. Twine (http://twine.me/) is where it's at now.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: K9 on August 05, 2013, 05:13:18 PM
Bang With Friends (http://www.bangwithfriends.com/)

So yes, this is a thing apparently  :awesome_for_real:  :ye_gods:  :why_so_serious:
Bang With Friends is so six months ago. Twine (http://twine.me/) is where it's at now.


But that involves meeting strangers! Ugh.



Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: TheWalrus on August 06, 2013, 01:15:26 AM
Lol, they have a screen cap of people talking about Borderlands. ><


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Signe on August 06, 2013, 09:52:49 AM
They have aliens:

(http://i.imgur.com/gtcEJYW.jpg)

Just in case you're finding it attractive, this is a man alien.  I think.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Miasma on August 06, 2013, 10:06:43 AM
Looks like elder scrolls Daedric armour.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on August 31, 2018, 06:44:55 AM
Nuh nuh nuh necro! 

Wondering if there is any interest in publicly reviving this discussion.  For one, I suspect the landscape and tools/apps have changed in the last five years (fucking unreal this thread has been silent that long, time passes so fast).  For two....I am divorced now and have tentatively begun to enter this strange, strange world.

Surely there are more of you out there in a similar situation.  I feel a compelling need to share and/or get advice.  Surely there is some entertainment value to be had, if nothing else?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on August 31, 2018, 08:27:37 AM
I have tried internet dating on multiple occasions, but find it to be a cesspool of the unwashed and unwanted.  If you live in a larger metro area, I could see it as a useful tool for people that you might otherwise never encounter.  Just keep in mind that many people are serial daters and use sites like these as a way to obtain free/cheap entertainment.

As a liberal, vegetarian, atheist in the Bible belt I see being single as a long-term situation.  I've pretty much abandoned any hope for a meaningful relationship. 


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on August 31, 2018, 09:39:11 AM
I've been in a relationship for close to two years now but the basics probably haven't changed that much in that time.

Assume everyone is a serial killer until you've been on at least one date with them to assess them for craziness.  Meet in a public place, etc.

If you're recently divorced, you shouldn't be looking for a meaningful relationship right now.  I recommend okcupid and Tinder if you're in this phase of life.  Like Nebu said, most people on these sites are just fucking around and either aren't looking for anything long-term or are messes in one way or another and SHOULDN'T be looking for anything long-term.  If you go in with those expectations and protect yourself appropriately, there is fun to be had.

Down the road if you're looking for something longer term, eHarmony seems like one of the better options.  Met my current girlfriend there, and other women I've met via eHarmony have just generally had much higher rates of (a) not being serial daters and (b) being employed.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on August 31, 2018, 09:46:11 AM
the thing about eharmony is its not cheap and the pool in general is looking for marriage

okcupid is slightly less about sex

tinder is about sex


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Nebu on August 31, 2018, 09:46:47 AM
Down the road if you're looking for something longer term, eHarmony seems like one of the better options.  Met my current girlfriend there, and other women I've met via eHarmony have just generally had much higher rates of (a) not being serial daters and (b) being employed.

I have found this to be true as well.  Having to take a questionnaire and pay a fee for the service seems to be enough of a gatekeeper to generally improve the quality of people involved.  I met an amazing woman through eHarmony ~8 years ago.  While the relationship did end, it was higher quality than I've found on other dating sites.

the thing about eharmony is its not cheap and the pool in general is looking for marriage

okcupid is slightly less about sex

tinder is about sex

This about covers it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Phildo on August 31, 2018, 10:27:05 AM
eHarmony flat out rejected me, so I can't say I'm the biggest fan.  OKCupid and Tinder were the most fun for me when I was single, and I eventually met my fiancee on Tinder.  It's foolish to go in assuming everyone there is only looking to hook up, especially once you start looking outside of early 20-somethings.  Several other friends are in serious long-term relationships from Tinder as well.

I also know people that had success on narrower sites such as J Date.

Is Bumble still a thing?  That was a popular alternative to Tinder a few years ago.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Shannow on August 31, 2018, 11:43:20 AM
I've done the internet dating thing a fair bit over the last cpl of years (I'm also 42 so context).

One, I wish this shit was around when I was 20. Seriously. It's a cesspool but it's such a big one!

Tinder is mainly about sex, but you will find that the older you go it's somewhat less about it. Some people are genuinely are looking for a relationship out of it, some people also lie about that. :D

Bumble is still a thing, fairly popular and of course has the benefit that the woman has to initiate a chat (cuts down on time I guess). That has the drawback that a lot of woman DON'T want to do that.

I actually paid for Match for a month and met my GF on there, 10 months later...

I think OKC is kinda dead? I used it for a while, met some fun people. You can definitely get a better sense of who they are, and seems to be more the choice for more left of center type of woman, oh and alternative lifestyle choice ppl as well..:P


Use Tinder, meet a lot of people, have fun, use protection no matter what they say.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on August 31, 2018, 11:48:48 AM
Match bought OKC and OKC took a dive. It was a move that pissed a lot of people off.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Chimpy on August 31, 2018, 12:37:30 PM
Match bought OKC and OKC took a dive. It was a move that pissed a lot of people off.

They actively torpedoed it last year. Now you can’t message people unless you “like” them first and you won’t see messages unless you “like” someone (or if you randomly go to their profile and see the message to you at the top of it). They also changed to a “real name” policy st the same time.

Oh and their searches will randomly remove people from the results.

Basically now that they know how the okcupid matching algorithms work and they have mined all that data, they are killing off the free services they bought to drive people into match.com where you have to pay to send messsges or see messages sent to you, or to tinder which they also own.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Mandella on August 31, 2018, 03:06:29 PM


As a liberal, vegetarian, atheist in the Bible belt I see being single as a long-term situation.  I've pretty much abandoned any hope for a meaningful relationship. 

Gotta tell ya, even in the Bible Belt you shouldn't be having that much trouble. Just hang out around a university town.

Or maybe you don't actually like *other* liberal vegetarian atheists?

 :grin:

P.S. Maybe consider an arm sleeve?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Viin on August 31, 2018, 03:07:53 PM
Just start chewing and get a big diesel pickup like a real man.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on September 03, 2018, 03:36:25 AM
So at least there is some interest then, good stuff.  In my case, I am not worried so much on any advice on the apps themselves, because living in Denmark means I have access to a few of the popular ones (Match/Tinder) and a few more local ones.  I think some of the general truisms still apply, naturally.

A bit of background.  Divorced back in January of this year.  I actually have had an on/off girlfriend for much of the interim time.  A tall, blond, hyper-intelligent Icelandic girl who is a lawyer, an unbelievably huge nerd and is still completely in love with me.  Most of you would think me crazy for rejecting her, but believe me, she is a handful to deal with.  Anyway, just file that off to the side for now.

As for me, I am a very unusual person, which works both for and against me.  Superficially, I get passed over pretty quickly by most, in that I don't "match" often with women who I would consider well within my league.  I am 45.  I am not tall (about 5'8").  I shave my head bald.  I am probably average looking in the face at best.  My job is boring as fuck, although I make pretty good money.  Divorced.  3 kids.  Not super mobile.  Introverted.  Bit lazy.  A nerd by the definition of most people my age.  Oh, and I tend to not get along with people my age.  On the other side of the coin, I am a far ways above average intelligence.  I am super quick witted and can be charming in a strange way.  I am ridiculously strong & athletic, and I look it.  All of this just to kind of emphasize that I tend to be an oddball as far as matching is concerned, particularly in this strange online world that is so heavily biased towards females.  My standards are pretty high (I barely even look at anyone who isn't in pretty good shape) and perhaps unreasonably so, but on the surface I would get passed over by the ones I am interested in, irrespective of age.

So then.  I have active profiles in a few different places.  It was pretty frustrating in the beginning, because the hits were slow in coming, and some of those were squarely in the "meh" area, where others quickly reveal themselves to be scammers, especially once you figure out their MO.  Things are picking up lately...I have 4 or 5 that I am somewhat actively chatting with.  Oh, and what am I even looking to get out of this?  Honestly, I don't know.  The next love of my life?  Fine.  A new friend or two?  Fine.  A bit of random sex?  Sign me up.  It's all fair game.  I am in the really early stages of this, so this is all terrifyingly new to me.  I had been with my wife for more than 20 years, and the girlfriend I mentioned above was someone I knew from work, so there was no actual dating/courting period.  In other words, I have no fucking idea how to do ANY of this.  So why not share it all with you guys!  It can't possibly go wrong!

For pure entertainment value, I will start posting some of these experiences in subsequent posts.  Feel free to mock, give advice, whatever.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Teleku on September 03, 2018, 03:55:46 AM
I was posting some of the more amusing Tindr profiles in Laos/Northern Thailand in Discord before.   :awesome_for_real:

Went on a spree when I first got here, but been mostly introverted doing hobby stuff lately.  I’ll probably jump back on the dating bandwagon sometime soonish.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on September 03, 2018, 04:16:39 AM
Girl Number 1

GN1 is the only match I have met IRL.  I was surprised when I matched with her initially, because she would be one of the "out of my league" types on the surface of things.  At first, I thought she might be a scammer, but it was on one of the apps that appears to guard best against such things and it didn't really seem to fit the usual Modus Operandi.  I initiated the chat with her - which is something I once found a bit terrifying, but now I am getting quite used to it - and she seemed game.  Found out quickly that she is originally from Lithuania, but she speaks okay Danish and has a Danish passport.  She is 41 and in pretty good shape for her age, and I don't mind telling you that the younger version of her was ridiculously good looking.  She has blond hair, green eyes and that certain eastern european look....oh, and legs that I want to eat for dinner.

Was on her prompting that we actually met.  She wanted to go salsa dancing, but since this is basically the first time in my life that I have ever just up and met a random woman like this, I balked at that idea (plus, like I can fucking dance salsa).  Instead, we did a walkandtalk thing at a local beach.  I met her at a train station...I was in my car and was to pick her up and go from there.  She came via bicycle, and at first I was like shiiiiiiiiit she's good looking.  I mean, she is 41, so it broke down a little once she got a bit closer, but all in all I wasn't complaining.  Did I mention the legs?  So yeah, walked and talked along the beach, dipped toes in the water.  Went and sat at a cafe and chatted.  Her accent is quite strong and she is not great at the language, so I have to resist the temptation to estimate her intelligence on that basis.  I guess the meeting was both awkward and nice at the same time.  Anyway, dropped her off at another train station about two hours later, and thought it was a relatively successful first attempt, but was also prepared that it might end right there.

Some small talk followed that up.  She gave me her Messenger details, so we switch over to using that for communication.  This also gives me access to her Facebook profile, for a bit of superficial investigation.  She expresses some concern that I am still too locked into my relationship with my ex-wife (we are still forced to live together, house sale pending), but we continue to talk a little anyway.  I kind of thought she was losing interest, but she then kind of starts sending me pictures of herself (not dirty ones)...she tends to communicate a lot with pictures and GIFs.  I tell her that I would like to see her again, and then suddenly she goes a bit quiet for a day or two.  Uh oh, I think, I am getting ghosted.  After 2 or 3 days, she picks up the conversation again and says we can probably meet sometime this week. She is once again responding in reasonable fashion.

So at press time, I am consider just how to make that happen.  I am thinking a dinner thing might be appropriate?  She is probably the type that is game for just about anything, as it seems she has about a trillion hobbies.  On the first meeting, we hugged when we said hello, but there was no goodbye hug due to the fact that I had to drop her off at a busy trainstation.  I am thinking that if she is up for a second meeting, then a bit more physical contact would not be out of place, assuming things go well enough.  I tend to err to the side of being respectful about such things.  I will try to set up something over the next few days.

Anyway, this is the most interesting of the current prospects I have.  She lives an annoying distance away, but we both work in the city, generally speaking, so it isn't impossible.  Updates will follow!


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on September 03, 2018, 06:46:34 AM
Girl Number 1 appears to be up for doing something on Wednesday.  It appears the "salsa season" might be over (her first immediate suggestion), so I might have managed to squirm out of that one for the time being.  I don't know if there is some not-so-subtle message I am missing when she keeps mentioning she wants to do salsa with me, but I am nothing if not oblivious.  I countered with Bouldering, but she worries about her arm strength.  Quite the pickle, this.  She might be into trying to go rollerblading, but I don't own any.  There is also a trampoline park, if she is willing to overlook the fact that almost everyone else there is below the age of 15.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on September 03, 2018, 07:25:09 AM
On to Girl Number 2

GN2 is from China, living in DK and also with a Danish passport, likes to communicate in English.  Again, my alarm bells were up a bit (a similar profile in the past turned out to be a bitcoin scam of some kind, apparently this is a thing now), but this was once again on the secure-ish site and it didn't fit the scammer MO.  She is also 41, with that short, petite asian body that all guys who are into asian girls know all about.  I would say she is handsome looking, somewhat messed up by less than great teeth, but at least in pictures appears to be a pretty decent catch.  She is also a smarty pants like my ex girlfriend, though it remains to be seen if it comes with all the other issues that sometimes follow.  Pretty comfortable at this point that she is not a scammer, as I was able to do a bit of background checking on her once she gave up her first name.  Spoke to her on the phone for about an hour a few days ago.  She is quite direct, but for the most part it was an entertaining conversation.  She is also quite sporty, into things like basketball and baseball, which is something you basically never find around here.  Quite intriguing.  Also lives annoyingly far away, and nowhere close to the big city.

She went silent for a few days.  Thought she was ghosting, but she finally came back today and said she just doesn't like the small chit-chat that often goes on in these dating sites and would prefer more substance to the conversations in general rather than idle crap.  Fair enough.  She also wants to know if I ever want to meet her.  I guess we will have to see what happens to GN1 first, but I am not opposed to the idea.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Rendakor on September 03, 2018, 09:35:11 AM
:popcorn:

I have nothing to contribute, but these stories are entertaining.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Samwise on September 03, 2018, 03:17:28 PM
A bit of background.  Divorced back in January of this year.  I actually have had an on/off girlfriend for much of the interim time.  A tall, blond, hyper-intelligent Icelandic girl who is a lawyer, an unbelievably huge nerd and is still completely in love with me.  Most of you would think me crazy for rejecting her

As soon as you said you started dating this person soon after your divorce, I immediately concluded that she would (a) seem too good to be true (b) eventually be revealed to be some kind of dangerous nut.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on September 03, 2018, 04:19:57 PM
It's also possible cyrrex is the bad guy


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: grebo on September 03, 2018, 05:46:03 PM
My one contribution would be, don't try for anything serious until you're no longer living with the ex-wife.  In my experience that would be an instant deal-breaker with anyone worth keeping.

Good luck though!  Keep at it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Khaldun on September 03, 2018, 06:41:56 PM
I was gonna say that the current GF sounds pretty good to me, but what do I know, long-married guy.

Reading this stuff is enough to keep me married. Not that dating for divorced people seemed to be a cakewalk twenty years ago either.

I was at a friends' house last year where all these incredibly smart, interesting, middle-aged good-looking women they're friends with were talking over dinner about the absolute loser guys they get matched with on every app. (I was actually the only man there, and apparently regarded as safe to vent to as the long-married, non-sleazy man they all knew to some extent or another.) I felt really bad listening to the stories. It wasn't really even the dudes who were just looking for sex or the scammer guys, it was just the helplessness of a lot of the men they were talking about--basically dudes who were looking less for a partner and more for a mommy to clean up after them, or even just guys who didn't know anything about how the world works. They showed me their various dating apps and services and it really was pretty goddamn awful.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: jgsugden on September 03, 2018, 08:31:08 PM
It has been about 15 years since I walked your path, but:

1.) I had no idea how misrable I was in my first marriage until I was out of it.
2.) I met the love of my life, online, while newly separated (but with initial divorce papers filed - I had to wait 6 months for the divorce to be final).
3.) I was so worried that I was rushing into something new that I came too close to ruining the best thing that ever came into my life.
4.) Ignore everyone's advice and trust yourself, but only after questioning yourself a bit.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Phildo on September 03, 2018, 10:09:11 PM
Most guys also don't realize how bad or cliched their profiles are.  Ask some female friends to help you out with it if you're not getting many matches.  A bad profile closes more doors than people realize.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Khaldun on September 03, 2018, 11:22:36 PM
Yeah, I have to say that I thought I had a low opinion of what those likely looked like, but I didn't know the half of it. They were just terrible, no matter what it was that the guys were looking for.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: schild on September 03, 2018, 11:37:44 PM
as a general rule, every profile sucks


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Strazos on September 04, 2018, 12:07:40 AM
I’d say just keep getting out there on dates. You also don’t need to wait until one girl works out or not necessarily - unless you feel really uncomfortable seeing multiple women at once. You’re not even physical with them yet, so I don’t see the harm, unless that’s culturally inappropriate where you are.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on September 04, 2018, 12:18:13 AM
Yeah, the thing with the ex GF is essentially that we were both going through the same sort of long relationship break-up thing, and then rushed into something that neither of us was ready for.  On paper, we're a good match.  But she has certain issues I am just not sure I could ever get past.  And in the final sum, she is in love with me while I am not in love with her, and that just doesn't work.  I wouldn't say I was the "bad guy", but I am not the good guy either.  More like...a bit naive with this sort of thing.  She is still actively trying to get me back, more or less saying things like stating that I can have any kind of relationship I want with her just so long as I don't go see other people, for up to 6 months to see if that changes anything or if I magically fall in love somehow.  The part of me that's controlled by my hormones has a hard time turning this down (despite being an impossible nerd, she is capable of fits of extreme hotness), but in my head I know I would be just taking advantage.  I actually care about her quite a lot, and I think I have caused her enough hurt already.  It's a shame, because in other circumstances she would have been my best friend, and I lament that loss.

It occurs to me that I may be broken and incapable of falling for someone right now.  But I have find out the answer to that question somehow, and I won't do it by staying with her and damaging her further.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on September 04, 2018, 12:20:34 AM
I’d say just keep getting out there on dates. You also don’t need to wait until one girl works out or not necessarily - unless you feel really uncomfortable seeing multiple women at once. You’re not even physical with them yet, so I don’t see the harm, unless that’s culturally inappropriate where you are.

To the extent my schedule allows it, that is probably what I would do.  Assuming there are enough fish out there to play that game.  But I will try to be respectful at the same time.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on September 04, 2018, 12:39:01 AM
GN1 is not being super cooperative in terms of helping to find something to do on Wednesday, so it may be a subtle test for me to try to find something.  Worst case scenario is that I will take her to some nice sushi place, I think.  She still is being communicative in her funny way of using few words (she talks a lot in person, but not so wordy in text) but instead using GIFs and pictures.  She sent me another selfie last night (still not of the dirty sort), and holy fuck does she clean up nice.  I am half tempted to post a pic here, but that'd be fairly disrespectful  :awesome_for_real:  Some part of me thinks she's a bit too good looking, and that can only mean that she is planning to harvest my pancreas or something.  She is clearly aware of her relative prettiness, will be interesting to see what sort of baggage that brings along with it.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on September 04, 2018, 05:16:32 AM
Question just sent to girl who keeps trying match with me:  Are you really 200 cm tall?

 :why_so_serious:

I mean, being a head taller than me might be a deal breaker.  Even if she does appear to have proportionally big boobs.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Tale on September 04, 2018, 06:33:02 AM
Years ago in this thread I was the Cyrrex-style poster. I did get some shit for it too. Sometimes you can sound like an asshole writing bluntly about potential dates, but I still don't think I was (except in a few events below).

In 2008 I changed jobs and began cycling 45 minutes of hills to work, which transformed me from single overweight gamer to dating a hot young co-worker psychopath. Today she's still blazing a trail of destruction through other men (and a few women), but I remember despairing "what do I do now?" and she said "just get out there". So I did.

Five years of dramatic online dating later, I met my now wife via eHarmony. It could have been any platform really. I don't think eHarmony actually uses matching technology, it just drip-feeds you everyone gradually (so you keep paying). She only had a brief profile with hidden photos, and I just had a hunch that I should see who was there. That we met online feels irrelevant, although we do tell people. We arranged to meet for a drink. When people ask how we met, I feel like saying "at the pub".

Back in 2010, while camping alone in a freezing cold tent, I took a selfie that worked very well as a profile pic (just my grinning face in a sleeping bag hood). Another popular dating site had a "top 100 profiles" based on level of interest, and thanks to that pic I reached #2. Which led to me hiding my photo and approaching women at my own pace. Popularity is emotionally draining and useless for actually finding someone.

The worst thing that happened to me was a 2011 break-up with the single mother of a 2-year-old who had turned 3 and had basically become my stepson. I left them, broke her heart, realised I'd broken mine too, said how sorry I was and tried to win her back. She said no. I tried to make it up to her for a year, until one day she invited me round. We drank a bottle of wine, I read her son a bedtime story as he held me tight, she kissed me goodnight and we agreed to go out again. Then she met someone else and they moved away. That took some therapy and I will always feel like a parent to her son, though he's now 10 and doesn't know me. By all means go into such a situation - just know you're in it forever, so try to make it work.

During the time I wasn't healed enough to be dating at all, I dated madly and left my own trail of destruction, especially with a kind, sexy Chinese girl who just honestly wanted to stay with me and start a family, but I kept calling it off and eventually she found someone else. So Cyrrex, I vote for your Chinese girl.

Now back to being on holiday with my wife. Marriage is a whole other discussion, with no smooth voyage involved... But even as she fell asleep on my shoulder watching TV last night, I was unbelievably happy. Keep going. More things happen.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on September 04, 2018, 06:46:57 AM
Thanks man, that was good stuff and I appreciate the perspective.

And I realize by putting all this out there, somewhat just for the sheer entertainment value but also as a way of legitimately seeking advice, I might come off as dismissive, assholish or blunt, but that is just kinda how this medium works and it probably is more interesting to read as well.  In the middle of all this, I am insecure, inexperienced, in over my head and fucking terrified.  Keep that in mind as you torch me.

Chinese lady, also known as GN2, is wary of my current situation.  My house sale is thiiiiiiiiiiis close to being final, and I am in earnest now looking for a place to live.  She senses the chaos, and I think she wants to put off meeting until some of that is behind me.  It is almost certainly for the best, especially as I already have GN1 to deal with.  So I won't push anything on that front.  There's also possibly a Girl Number 3 in the picture, but it hasn't advance far enough to get into just yet.

Khaldun - how would you characterize all these shitty profiles you were shown?  Certainly there is some informative or entertainment value in there.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on September 04, 2018, 07:25:05 AM
Critical update:  GN1 just sent me a picture of her sink full of rinsed mushrooms.  This obviously is code for something, because what else could it possibly mean.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Chimpy on September 04, 2018, 07:32:28 AM
Critical update:  GN1 just sent me a picture of her sink full of rinsed mushrooms.  This obviously is code for something, because what else could it possibly mean.

Were they magical mushrooms?


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Cyrrex on September 04, 2018, 07:34:47 AM
Erm, uncertain.  She says they are poisonous, but that doesn't exactly clear it up, does it.  They are also fucking huge, which I thought the magical kind were generally not.


Title: Re: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow
Post by: Khaldun on September 04, 2018, 07:53:37 AM
Let's see. Ok, for one, when there were photos, like three-quarters of them were dudes who were posing with guns, with dead animals, or with sporting gear. It was like they were sharing a message with their frat brothers or the local Rotary Club or something. Also terrible clothes, and often badly lit or blurry photos too.

About 2/3 were functionally illiterate. Like, spelling "cat" wrong and barely forming sentences.

Most self-descriptions wobbled between weird and cliched. "I like outdoors hiking, i'm chill don't need much, lots of fun that's what people say, low maintenance plz". That's one I remember all the women just sighing in exasperation about--was a schlubby looking dude holding a dead duck in the profile pic.

"Hope u like cooking, because I like to eat if u know what I mean". Like, I couldn't tell if that was supposed to be literal or some kind of innuendo. Either way it was pretty unappealing to this group at least.

Pretty much everybody at that table--and they were all professors, doctors, and other professionals--said that the few times they'd matched and tried going out, the men were lousy conversationalists, almost monosyllabic, had no real interests (at least not they talked about), and in at least a third of the cases turn