Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow

[Triforcer]

The last two pages of this thread have left me confused, and hungry.  Also slightly itchy. 

[Ingmar]

< Should really bail on this thread and pay attention kitty syndrome

Are you aware of just how big a douche you've been in this thread? I'm almost tempted to diagnose you with Asperger's, you're doing a damn good job with the "lack of empathy" symptom.

[schild]

< Should really bail on this thread and pay attention kitty syndrome

Are you aware of just how big a douche you've been in this thread? I'm almost tempted to diagnose you with Asperger's, you're doing a damn good job with the "lack of empathy" symptom.

Stray doesn't have a lack of empathy, he just doesn't think before he talks.

I  have a lack of empathy.

[Nebu]

I  have a lack of empathy.

I disagree.  You're empathetic.  You just lack any sort of compassion.   

[Ingmar]

< Should really bail on this thread and pay attention kitty syndrome

Are you aware of just how big a douche you've been in this thread? I'm almost tempted to diagnose you with Asperger's, you're doing a damn good job with the "lack of empathy" symptom.

Stray doesn't have a lack of empathy, he just doesn't think before he talks.

I  have a lack of empathy.

Yeah, I almost put a bit in there about "when you make schild look like the sympathetic one, you know there's an issue."

[stray]

Here I thought I was giving Lorekeep a lot of time as it was -- at the expense of a very attention whoring cat.

As for empathy, I told Lorekeep to see a doctor. What else am I supposed to do?

[stray]

Funnily there is a book on my dilemma.

http://www.amazon.com/All-Cats-Have-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1843104814

[Big Gulp]

Dude, you can keep playing the Asperger's card if you want to wallow and give yourself excuses, or you can make a concerted attempt to change your life.  It's not like you're fucking Rain Man.  You do have some social abilities, but they're like a muscle, you need to fucking develop them.

Expand your network.  I bet you spend most of your time going to work, maybe going shopping, and then home.  Leave your fucking comfort zone!

Take an adult education art class.  Lots of trim there, and it'll be arty, sensitive trim who can overlook eccentricities.  Shit, the art world is filled with odd guys.  Trust me, you've got nothing on some of the freaks there.  I can't tell you how many times I got laid for the low, low price of $150 every 4 months.  And I enjoyed myself in class!

Volunteer someplace!  Are you at all religious?  Even a little bit?  Find a service you can live with that has a lot of people in your age group (I'm assuming you're still in your 20's.  Us old fuckers need to work harder).  Don't just hit on women.  Make friends with LOTS OF PEOPLE.  You get laid more when you've got a lot of friends, because they can go a long way towards hooking your ass up.

Stop whining, and start doing.

[LK]

 

I'm gonna make it really simple, and just be blunt about it.

My problem is that I truly do not give a fuck about other people or their views to an almost psychotic level of disinterest, and have difficulty accepting the reality of that situation based on societal perception of what a healthy, normal social life is. The "whining" is a fight I'm trying to have within myself to ignore the realities of who it is I am, and that what I am inside may not be very pretty. It's absolutely amazing I turned out the way I did, being focused on being respectful, avoiding bad situations, and generally being able to pass off as normal much the same way people don't look at Dexter Morgan as a monster.

Example: I wanted to be a designer forever based on some childhood fantasy of growing up and being in control of a creative vision. I am a terrible designer. I kept going despite the fact. I finally accepted I suck and have refocused my energies in other areas.

I do not give one god damn iota of a fuck about people that have nothing to do with my life. I've found people I can finally be comfortable with and will invest my energies there. A large social circle means fuck all to me; all that mattered was having quality friendships, not quantity. I've got that now. If I meet people, great. But I have a foundation of friendship that I've been looking so long for and it's made my life so much better.

What is getting fucked going to do to better my life? Make me a man? I'll still be the same person afterwards. Fucking is for pleasure and procreation. I get plenty of pleasure from other things. Call it denial, but pumping it up to be this big, important event is not helping things, as most of you have pointed out. So you can label me the f13 Virgin or whatever you guys want to make you feel better about yourselves by having someone that is worse off by your standards.

If I'm going to refer to myself I'll just stop saying "Asperger!" even though a good percentage of what I described, even in this post, could be quantified as that. Symptoms seem to sit well with most folks rather than a title on a package of fucked-up physiology.

I know that was a subtle attempt to rerail back into the dating thing, but since this thread started I've given less and less of a shit about my romantic "problems."

So spare me the "then stop complaining about it if that's how things are." Think about what it is I'm trying to avoid doing. I want to be a better person, and I can't tell if I'll be able to win that fight within me or if I'll fall to a state of Could Give A Fuck for the rest of my life.

[LK]

Fuck I could probably script an award-winning dramatic series based on a character study of my personality. We can call it "The Whiner."

[Big Gulp]

What is getting fucked going to do to better my life? Make me a man? I'll still be the same person afterwards. Fucking is for pleasure and procreation. I get plenty of pleasure from other things.

Because unless you're truly asexual (and that's a rare thing) you're bullshitting yourself into thinking that sex isn't important.  It is.  It's a big driver for us mammals.

And it's not just about sex, but that's a huge, huge part of it.  There's also caring about someone other than yourself.  It's back rubs and being able to tell someone things you'd never tell somebody else.  Frankly, it makes you a better, more complete human being.

That's actually fucking important.

[Engels]

I was the aforementioned dude who went to work, went to the store, went home, played on computer. I was ASTOUNDINGLY lucky that I met my now 12 year partner at work. Otherwise, I'd be Lorekeep with Big Gulp telling me to go to church and get frisky. Prior to my miraculous luck, I did 'push my comfort zone', but that didn't work for me. Clubs don't work for me, classes didn't work for me either. I'd just sit, pay attention in class, go home, do my homework. Maybe talk briefly to a guy or two, but never enough to start a social network of any type.

The only thing that 'saved' me was to have a steady and long term social environment where I had no other recourse but to engage in socially; the workplace. I guess I could have joined a church and pretended I believed in religious institutions. 

[stray]

Lorekeep, you don't have to defend yourself or talk about any of this.. umm, if it makes you feel better though, go for it. If you feel like a whiner, then don't.

I don't think getting laid is the be all end all of things necessarily, but we're in a dating thread, so yeah.. It's going to be talked about. At the very least, it's important as far as this discussion is concerned. And strange to hear someone simultaneously wonder about dating prospects, get some input here and there, and then turn around and say it doesn't matter and that he hates people.

[LK]

I'm a character, what can I say.

[Signe]

Hey!  I'm not asexual and I don't think sex is all that important. 

Oh, and EEK!  Don't join a church!  Or if you do, make sure it's a funny one, like that Church of Steve or something.  At least she'll have a sense of humour.  (of sorts)

[Selby]

The only thing that 'saved' me was to have a steady and long term social environment where I had no other recourse but to engage in socially; the workplace.

I work with 35 guys behind a radiation shield.  And when I do come out to other meetings, it's all physicists and engineers (male again).  I'm in trouble ;-)

But yeah, going to classes and whatnot works for people like Big Gulp, doesn't work for everyone.  My hobbies are 100% male (and most are 45+) so the odds of finding female companionship there are slim and none as well.  But honestly, right now I really don't mind.  Sex isn't something I've ever cared about, so "trying to get laid" isn't even a blip on the priority screen.  Obviously if sex means something to you and you want it, this changes your priorities.

[Nerf]

Sex is pretty fucking awesome, and internet dating does work - even a miserable fuck like me found someone awesome through the internet, and the jury is still out on whether or not I'm even a person.

[gryeyes]

My problem is that I truly do not give a fuck about other people or their views to an almost psychotic level of disinterest, and have difficulty accepting the reality of that situation based on societal perception of what a healthy, normal social life is.

Then why the fuck are you continually attempting to justify and rationalize yourself to everyone in this thread? If you were unique and not one of a 100 other fucks making the same silly fucking claims based on a wikipedia perusal perhaps your story would have a bit more credence. But to me you are just another sad fucker who feels the need to make grandiose claims about their dysfunction so they can be "exceptional" in some aspect of their life. But instead of donning a cloak and practicing ritualistic magic, or wearing fangs and pretending to be a vampire like most other social misfits who need to feel special.  You choose to be a scary psychotic. You don't get laid but instead of accepting you have no game and doing something about it you create this fantasy about how your psychotic tendencies make such a thing unappealing. Self diagnosed psychotic with AS, how completely common and utterly boorish. But I suppose the alternative is to accept that you are just a sad dude with no ability to interact with others.

Be aware this started with you asking for advice about dating...

[schild]

Sex is pretty fucking awesome, and internet dating does work - even a miserable fuck like me found someone awesome through the internet, and the jury is still out on whether or not I'm even a person.

Jury came back. They deferred to science. Science has conclusive evidence that you aren't human. Don't argue with science.

[Musashi]

stuff

I think when you talk to your shrink, and you should - it can't hurt, he's going to tell you you don't have anything but maybe mild depression.  In other words, in terms of western culture, you're perfectly normal.  Feels good man. 

[WindupAtheist]

Sex is pretty fucking awesome, and internet dating does work - even a miserable fuck like me found someone awesome through the internet, and the jury is still out on whether or not I'm even a person.

Negative. You are a meat popsicle.

That aside, just what the fuck is going on in this thread? I gotta go read the last couple pages.

[Endie]

I'm gonna make it really simple, and just be blunt about it.

My problem is that I truly do not give a fuck about other people or their views to an almost psychotic level of disinterest

I'm absolutely 100% not being snide about this when I say that you post repeatedly on a social forum about how little you care about what other people think.  Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, you know.

[NowhereMan]

stuff

I think when you talk to your shrink, and you should - it can't hurt, he's going to tell you you don't have anything but maybe mild depression.  In other words, in terms of western culture, you're perfectly normal.  Feels good man. 

What he's got might be mild depression but if it's been long lasting (i.e. his whole life) there's a decent chance he's somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, moreso if he's holding down a job and getting other stuff done in his life. Autism is pretty fucking vague diagnosis though, it's a set of symptoms that sound somewhat like what he's got but it can get pretty broad what goes in there especially if we're getting into what classifies as Asperger's. Also Big Gulp is a retard, provided it's what you've got then it's not a fucking muslce you can train up but rather a set of connections in the brain (or whatever else causes it) that didn't properly develop while growing up. Social skills can atrophy with disuse but comparing that to someone with autism is like telling somone who was born without leg muscles that they just need to work at it in order to get walking.

That said there are people who have probably more pronounced form of asperger's than you that have found people to live with and even have families, it's not hopeless and yes seeing a doctor for a diagnosis will help (fuck it may turn out to be something that medication can treat). I can also see someone with Asperger's being more comfortable interacting with other people in an on-line format because part of weirdness for autistic people in dealing with others is the whole face-to-face thing. They don't feel that same sort of connection (and in full blown autism cases don't really have a sense of other people, who are just weird unpredicatble furniture) and dealing instead with a block of text could make things easier.

[gryeyes]

Its like reading a horoscope. More vague generalizations based on ones anus and some guys fucking text!

[slog]

stuff

I think when you talk to your shrink, and you should - it can't hurt, he's going to tell you you don't have anything but maybe mild depression.  In other words, in terms of western culture, you're perfectly normal.  Feels good man. 

What he's got might be mild depression but if it's been long lasting (i.e. his whole life) there's a decent chance he's somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, moreso if he's holding down a job and getting other stuff done in his life. Autism is pretty fucking vague diagnosis though, it's a set of symptoms that sound somewhat like what he's got but it can get pretty broad what goes in there especially if we're getting into what classifies as Asperger's. Also Big Gulp is a retard, provided it's what you've got then it's not a fucking muslce you can train up but rather a set of connections in the brain (or whatever else causes it) that didn't properly develop while growing up. Social skills can atrophy with disuse but comparing that to someone with autism is like telling somone who was born without leg muscles that they just need to work at it in order to get walking.

That said there are people who have probably more pronounced form of asperger's than you that have found people to live with and even have families, it's not hopeless and yes seeing a doctor for a diagnosis will help (fuck it may turn out to be something that medication can treat). I can also see someone with Asperger's being more comfortable interacting with other people in an on-line format because part of weirdness for autistic people in dealing with others is the whole face-to-face thing. They don't feel that same sort of connection (and in full blown autism cases don't really have a sense of other people, who are just weird unpredicatble furniture) and dealing instead with a block of text could make things easier.

I can't believe people are trying to diagnose this stuff over the internet.     

[LK]

Then why the fuck are you continually attempting to justify and rationalize yourself to everyone in this thread?

Because you'll respond, good or bad, and I've got nothing better to do.

[Endie]

Edit: ok I'll be patient.

[NowhereMan]

Fuck it's not like I devoted my whole post to saying this is what's wrong with Lorekeep just that based on what he's said his self-diagnosis might be right, I also told him to go see a real doctor. Most of the rest of it was talking about what he thinks he has, which is stuff that's true even if Lorekeep doesn't have any form of autism. It's more because I think autism is a really fascinating condition even if it's more a catch-all term for people who problems relating to others. It's fascinating because we really don't have a great understanding of how we do our relating to other people and seeing what happens when the process goes wrong might give us some indication of what we're actually doing. Things like children who fail the false-belief test but can pass it with a camera replacing the doll (predicting what a polaroid picture will show). It shows that they're capable of understanding how objects will work but they seem not to be able to separate first and third person perspectives. They seem to only understand other people in terms of themselves or as bizarre objects in the world that they can't figure out. Mostly I posted because Big Gulp's post was, if this is what Lorekeep really has, fucking ignorant regarding the condition. The whole thing could be moot if he gets diagnosed with mild depression or something but I wasn't really doing anything better at the time.

[gryeyes]

Mostly I posted because Big Gulp's post was, if this is what Lorekeep really has, fucking ignorant regarding the condition. The whole thing could be moot if he gets diagnosed with mild depression or something but I wasn't really doing anything better at the time.

I wasn't going to actually address what was exceptionally stupid in your diagnosis but since you persist. You are wrong, the whole "social skills being similar to an atrophied muscle" is EXACTLY how someone with AS would be treated. Behavioral Cognitive Therapy would be used for the brain/mind exactly as physical exercise would be used for a muscle. So not only was it a paragraph of silly enabling hurf blurf the hurf blurf isn't even informed.


Edit:

Because you'll respond, good or bad, and I've got nothing better to do.

I am fully aware of why you are begging for attention. I am asking how you can beg for attention while simultaneously claim to be a psychotic whacko who does not give half a fuck about people or attention.

[Big Gulp]

Mostly I posted because Big Gulp's post was, if this is what Lorekeep really has, fucking ignorant regarding the condition. The whole thing could be moot if he gets diagnosed with mild depression or something but I wasn't really doing anything better at the time.

How was my post retarded?

A) He doesn't know if he has "Asperger's Syndrome" (which is pretty much just a convenient excuse for socially inept people to latch onto.  Telling yourself you have a condition doesn't alleviate your real problems).

B) How is anything I said wrong?  Expanding your network WILL help you meet women.  And that's what he was bitching about, regardless of whether he now says he doesn't care.  He's full of shit, he cares a lot.  You backing up his half-assed self diagnosis does him zero good.

C) The best thing he could do right now is break out of his fucking rut.  Strip/night clubs are NOT going to do that.  Forcing himself to be friendly and outgoing, and change his routine just might.

[Mrbloodworth]

This thread got retarded fast, a few times.

[Signe]

Something I realised chatting to Righ last night - you can have traits from all sorts of mental disorders in your own personality and not have the mental disorder.  Aspergers, Bi-Polar, OCD, that adult version of the kiddy one where you can't pay attention (I can't remember but nearly every guy seems to have it lately), Schizo-watchamacallit, some other one that everyone around here seemed to decide they must have a while back, etc.  Maybe some people do latch on to one of them hoping to explain their personalities.  Or maybe, something I totally accept, you're all just weirdos.  Luckily, medical reefer is coming to a state near you!

[Sky]

I once killed a hooker because I didn't have my meds for my RLS.

[Endie]

But it's so interesting to have a condition.  It provides an excuse for anything you can't be bothered to change.  She's not feckless: she has ADD!  He's not rude: he has Asperger's!  He's not a self-centred arsehole: he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder!  Having medicalised everything else, we now medicalise unpleasantness.

Heaven forfend that a psychiatrist tells you that you've just brought your kids up to be spoilt brats getting, through increasingly vile behaviour,  the attention you denied them.  Give them a drug!  God forbid that someone say that you're a selfish prick: you're the victim here!

A great deal of depression amongst those in their teens and twenties is fuelled by unhealthy sleep patterns.  But watch the fury if you make even a nuanced statement like "perhaps some people with clinical depression could help themselves by the sheer act of will of going for the odd walk."  Now, the fact that walking in the countryside has been shown to alleviate depression in many individuals is not important.  People will shout furiously at you for saying that some cases of depression can be alleviated by the individual's behaviour.  That smacks of blame!

tl;dr I'm not saying these conditions don't exist.  But I am saying that internet - and indeed "real life" - is full of people claiming armfuls of personality disorders for themselves in order to avoid facing up to their habitual behaviour.

[Signe]

ADD!  That's the one I was trying to think of that everyone seems to have!  I guess your condition is being a Mr. Know-it-all.  It worked for me this time, though!