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Topic: Safety first (Read 5541 times)
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kaid
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3113
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lac
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1657
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Choice quote: a neighbor witnessed a naked Ms. Dent in her driveway “struggling to direct a jackhammer toward her mid-section".
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Yegolev
Moderator
Posts: 24440
2/10 WOULD NOT INGEST
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As usual, the gold is in the comments. yeA! how dare you be shocked by a construction tool being rammed up a hoo hoo and killing the user/perv/victim in a pelvic explosion bone crushing pleasure? how dare you not praise this woman for her exhibitionism. nay i say to you sir! nay!
and justin, your mother is ready with the vaseline, hurry up, grab the cat and heat up the spatula
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Why am I homeless? Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question.
They called it The Prayer, its answer was law
Mommy come back 'cause the water's all gone
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Hindenburg
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1854
Itto
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A bit surprised that she's not russian.
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"Who uses Outlook anyway? People who get what they deserve, that's who." - Ard.
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Cyrrex
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10603
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In Soviet Russia, is jackhammer who dies from getting fucked by woman.
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"...maybe if you cleaned the piss out of the sunny d bottles under your desks and returned em, you could upgrade you vid cards, fucken lusers.." - Grunk
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Nevermore
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4740
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Yes, I can totally see why it would be a good idea to insert a machine designed to shatter concrete and stone into a human body.  |
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« Last Edit: May 14, 2009, 11:45:33 AM by Nevermore »
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Over and out.
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Segoris
Terracotta Army
Posts: 2637
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In Soviet Russia, is jackhammer who dies from getting fucked by woman.
Normally these types of jokes are unbelievable and just weird, but this one I'd buy in to. |
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Grimwell
Developers
Posts: 752
[Redacted]
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This has to be an elaborate joke.
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Grimwell
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Lakov_Sanite
Terracotta Army
Posts: 7590
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Or a very creative suicide....
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~a horrific, dark simulacrum that glares balefully at us, with evil intent.
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60350
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Cadaverine
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1655
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Given some of the horror stories I've heard from the emergency room, and/or EMS folks, I am not at all surprised by a likely mentally ill person offing themselves while attempting to masturbate with a jackhammer.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.
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MahrinSkel
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10859
When she crossed over, she was just a ship. But when she came back... she was bullshit!
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I've seen a few of those things happen, although not with such gory results. The two nastiest things I saw didn't actually involve any blood. One was a guy getting an arm trapped under bags of cement on a pallet that then started rolling down a conveyor (dragging him after he lost his balance), it "degloved" the skin on his hand (he didn't lose the skin or the hand, but he had no sensation in most of it). The other was a guy working on a weather radar, the system had been designed in the 50's and had capacitors the size of 2-liter soda bottles that could get charged up to 15K volts. He forgot to discharge the capacitors, brushed the contacts of one while reaching for something behind it. His pinkie finger just vaporized. --Dave |
--Signature Unclear
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voodoolily
Contributor
Posts: 5348
Finnuh, munnuh, muhfuh, I enjoy creating new written vernacular, s'all.
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lamaros
Terracotta Army
Posts: 8021
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Who else is looking at the thread title and thinking, "huh? it saying nothing about her having used a condom..."
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LK
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4268
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Darwinism at work?
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"Then there's the double-barreled shotgun from Doom 2 - no-one within your entire household could be of any doubt that it's been fired because it sounds like God slamming a door on his fingers." - Yahtzee Croshaw
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lamaros
Terracotta Army
Posts: 8021
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Darwinism at work?
49 year old and recently divorced? No mention of children, but the point of natural selection has been passed a while back, you'd think. |
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Lantyssa
Terracotta Army
Posts: 20848
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I really want to believe this is a hoax. I can get wanting a high powered pleasure device. A construction worker thinking a jackhammer is at all a good idea? My brain just can't handle it. (Quite possibly because I don't want to force myself to think about the logistics.)
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Hahahaha! I'm really good at this!
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FatuousTwat
Terracotta Army
Posts: 2223
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Nice. It would have been better if it had just been the same guy who progressively loses more limbs. The one we had to watch in shop class was pretty great as well... Showed a guy with long hair getting scalped after it got caught up in something. It must be fun to act in one of these things. |
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
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bhodi
Moderator
Posts: 6817
No lie.
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« Last Edit: May 15, 2009, 07:31:25 AM by bhodi »
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voodoolily
Contributor
Posts: 5348
Finnuh, munnuh, muhfuh, I enjoy creating new written vernacular, s'all.
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I really want to believe this is a hoax. I can get wanting a high powered pleasure device. A construction worker thinking a jackhammer is at all a good idea? My brain just can't handle it. (Quite possibly because I don't want to force myself to think about the logistics.)
The part about her doing this in her driveway, naked, leads me to believe she wasn't all there, mentally. |
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Nevermore
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4740
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The part about her doing this in her driveway, naked, leads me to believe she wasn't all there, mentally.
Afterward, I imagine she wasn't all there physically either. |
Over and out.
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kaid
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3113
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No she would have been all there physically. She may have been spread around the driveway a bit more than before and perhaps in more pieces but it would all still be there.
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Mattemeo
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1128
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Yes, I can totally see why it would be a good idea to insert a machine designed to shatter concrete and stone into a human body. See, this is the thing that springs immediately into my mind, but after my flatmate's retired-Anaesthetist mother's anecdote about a guy who really enjoyed getting pegged by his girlfriend was admitted into the A&E with a vibrator lodged in his colon for the FIFTH time*, I've given up trying to ascribe reason to people who are so improbably horny they have no sense of humility or, in the case of the late Mrs Extreme Vagpounding 2009, even self preservation left in them. *though it's worth arguing who's more stupid in this scenario - her for ramming it up there 5 times or him for letting her do it. |
If you party with the Party Prince you get two complimentary after-dinner mints
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Merusk
Terracotta Army
Posts: 27449
Badge Whore
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In that scenario he wasn't letting her, he was asking her to.
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The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
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Nevermore
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4740
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Yeah, it sounds like there was a humiliation thing going on there too.
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Over and out.
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NowhereMan
Terracotta Army
Posts: 7353
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I really want to believe this is a hoax. I can get wanting a high powered pleasure device. A construction worker thinking a jackhammer is at all a good idea? My brain just can't handle it. (Quite possibly because I don't want to force myself to think about the logistics.)
The part about her doing this in her driveway, naked, leads me to believe she wasn't all there, mentally. Well you wouldn't want to use a jackhammer inside would you? That sounds downright dangerous! |
"Look at my car. Do you think that was bought with the earnest love of geeks?" - HaemishM
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Lakov_Sanite
Terracotta Army
Posts: 7590
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Yeah, that might mess up the carpet.
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~a horrific, dark simulacrum that glares balefully at us, with evil intent.
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Lantyssa
Terracotta Army
Posts: 20848
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Pretty sure it still messed up the carpet.
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Hahahaha! I'm really good at this!
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Nevermore
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4740
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You don't know that! She could have had hardwood floors.
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Over and out.
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Bzalthek
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3110
"Use the Soy Sauce, Luke!" WHOM, ZASH, CLISH CLASH! "Umeboshi Kenobi!! NOOO!!!"
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"Pity hurricanes aren't actually caused by gays; I would take a shot in the mouth right now if it meant wiping out these chucklefucks." ~WayAbvPar
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Strazos
Greetings from the Slave Coast
Posts: 15542
The World's Worst Game: Curry or Covid
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....eh?
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Fear the Backstab!
"Plato said the virtuous man is at all times ready for a grammar snake attack." - we are lesion
"Hell is other people." -Sartre
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UnSub
Contributor
Posts: 8064
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49-year-old female construction worker sex toy distributor When careers and hobbies don't mix. |
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Lantyssa
Terracotta Army
Posts: 20848
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It could have if she made play sets.
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Hahahaha! I'm really good at this!
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UnSub
Contributor
Posts: 8064
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It also probably could have been a case of "don't copy what you see on the internet - these people are professionals. Also: easily disposable and replaceable".
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