Horrible, Awful movies that don't deserve their own threads.

[Abagadro]

You misspelled b-a-d- there. You meant to write a-w-e-s-o-m-e.

[stray]

Ho Tep is the fucking shit. And by that I mean bad. And by bad, I mean, yes - AWESOME. 

[tazelbain]

I like Signs.  It's a parable.  So doesn't need to make sense a realistic way.

[lamaros]

I bet you get a lot of mileage out of that, err, 'explanation'.

[stray]

Parable for what? All of the sudden, I'm like Signe, and don't remember any details about the movie.

[justdave]

Well, I think it was intended to be a parable about having faith, since Mel's croaking wifelet is like the hint line from on high that gives Mel the secret to defeat the alien that shows up in his home and save his kid, which restores his faith in God so he goes back to being a preacher man, etc.
 
However, the more I think about it, Shamalamadingdong shot himself in the foot by getting too specific. It's not like his wife mentioned that aliens hate water, she saw the exact scene with the bat and the glass of water and all that, so it really says 'everything is already pre-written so you might as well just go have sex with a picnic table because it's what's supposed to happen anyway'. 

 

[Yegolev]

Bubba HoTep comes highly recommended, but I haven't gotten around to seeing it.  Also: Bruce "I made The Man With The Screaming Brain watchable" Campbell.

I liked the first part of Signs.  The bits where the aliens were showing up.  The end was ass.

[Signe]

I'll have to watch it again.  It bothers me that I can't remember anything about it and I KNOW I've seen it.

[justdave]

Bubba HoTep comes highly recommended, but I haven't gotten around to seeing it.  Also: Bruce "I made The Man With The Screaming Brain watchable" Campbell.

I liked the first part of Signs.  The bits where the aliens were showing up.  The end was ass.

I recall thinking Bubba Ho-Tep was awesome, but I don't know how much difference the fact that Bruce Campbel was acually there made.

Yeah, Signs was wonderfully atmospheric anc creepy until it tured into a M. Night movie.

[stray]

but I don't know how much difference the fact that Bruce Campbel was acually there made.

The scene where JFK offered him a candy bar. Subtle genius, I tell you. That couldn't have been in the script.

[FatuousTwat]

HoTep and Screaming Brain are 2 classic movies. You need to buy 2 of each. One to watch, AND ONE TO ENSHRINE!

[Margalis]

That was exactly how I looked at it, you can miss bacteria, you can't miss an entire planet being made of death.
It would be like invading the sun and not realizing "oh shit, fire kills us!" until our ships start to explode.

W was leading the aliens.

Oh Jesus I almost died laughing reading these back to back.

Anyone mention Buckaroo Banzai yet?

Mortal Kombat 2 is the worst movie I ever saw in the theater. I though MK1 was enjoyable for what it was...MK2 screamed Direct to Video.

[Evildrider]

That was exactly how I looked at it, you can miss bacteria, you can't miss an entire planet being made of death.
It would be like invading the sun and not realizing "oh shit, fire kills us!" until our ships start to explode.

W was leading the aliens.

Oh Jesus I almost died laughing reading these back to back.

Anyone mention Buckaroo Banzai yet?

Mortal Kombat 2 is the worst movie I ever saw in the theater. I though MK1 was enjoyable for what it was...MK2 screamed Direct to Video.

OMG Buckaroo Banzai is an AWESOME movie.   

[DraconianOne]

It kind of worked in War of the Worlds because cold bacteria are at least microscopic so I can believe the alien invaders honestly didn't know.

If you're talking about the Spielberg film rather than the original story* then can I just point out to you that they were meant to have come to the earth before hand and buried their tripods in the ground to remain undetected by humans who proceeded to build cities over them.  You'd think that, if they'd been to the planet before they'd either have already sussed that there was probably a problem with bacteria.  They obviously weren't very smart anyway because their attack plan involved using machines which were at least several hundred years old and had been buried underground for most of that time. In 200 years they couldn't improve their technology at all or, you know, work out how wheels work?  I mean, we're obviously retards as a race compartively because we haven't developed the ability to cross vast swathes of space to invade some poxy little backwater planet but at least we have the nous to not step onto the moon for the first time without doing some research or taking some precautions against what was known.

If you're going to argue about alien intelligence then you might as well give points to the ID4 invaders who's only design flaw was that they made their mothership Mac compatible but that's an understandable because they probably figured that the chances of anyone using a Mac were a million to one. But still, they came.


*The only reason HG Wells gets let off is because his book was about the discovery of microscopic bacteria. And anyway, the aliens did learn in HG Wells and came back and succeeded in conquering the planet.

[NowhereMan]

If you're going to argue about alien intelligence then you might as well give points to the ID4 invaders who's only design flaw was that they made their mothership Mac compatible but that's an understandable because they probably figured that the chances of anyone using a Mac were a million to one. But still, they came.

Everyone know that alien invasion was just an Apple marketing ploy

Fuck the Spielberg film, haven't seen and kind of refused to on the grounds I assumed stuff in it would piss me off. I was actually thinking more of the original film, I will admit to not having read the HG Wells version (Have read the second League of Extraordinary Gentlemen though ). Either way dealing with microscopic bacteria, while somewhat stupid thing to miss is far less stupid as a plot device than "OMG more than 2/3 of this planet is covered in stuff that makes us die! Also the atmosphere is full of it in most of the planet and if we cut someone by the laws of logic their blood should cause us intense injury." Seriously, if they cut someone that should technically be some Alien style acid blood level of carnage.

MOVIE MAKE HEAD HURT.

[DraconianOne]

Don't get me wrong - I'm in no way defending Signs at all. I was all over that movie up until the end Act 3 (and the whole faith, redemption thing which was unneccesary) and then walked out in disgust after it was over. I mean, the aliens might as well have been killed by playing Slim Whitman music at them.

[Special J]

Do you know I saw "Signs" and I can't remember a thing about it except Mel Gibson standing in a corn field. 

Good! Keep it that way!

I wanted to like Signs, I might have been able to if the twist wasn't just so fucking awful.
Earth is what, 98% fucking water? You think that beings smart enough to invade another planet would think "oh shit, maybe we shouldn't invade a planet made up almost entirely of the ONE THING THAT FUCKING KILLS US?"

Exactly.  I was fine with it all the way up to that goddamn ending.  I sit through it all and that's the payoff.  One of the few movies that actually made me angry.

"Hi! We're to invade! We're an advanced race that have mastered space travel.  But we haven't invented a fucking raincoat!  What's monsoon season?"

[Signe]

Heh.  Sometimes I've seen the advert for a film so many times that I'm not sure if I've really watched the film or not.  I was absolutely positively sure I saw Signs, but not I'm not so convinced.  After reading this thread, however, I might take Special J's advice to heart!

As for War of the Worlds, I saw the old one on tv ages ago and it might not have been a great film or anything, but it totally creeped me out.  Was it the one where the alien thingy zaps those three men and their indentations are in the dirt after?   That bit creeped me out AND freaked me out! 

[HaemishM]

Bubba Ho-Tep is not an awful movie. It is pure awesome.

[IainC]

Bubba Ho-Tep is not an awful movie. It is pure awesome.

Correct. Why are we arguing that Bubba Ho-Tep is awful when there are still people in this thread who claim that Hawk the Slayer is not a terrible film?

[Khaldun]

JFK. My wife and I laughed at loud in the theater at the sheer stupidity of some of it, drawing some weird looks from other people in the audience.

Battlefield Earth is very special badness, though. Fun badness, MST3K-able badness. There's a big difference between that kind of badness and just plain that-cost-me-two-hours badness.

[Rishathra]

The only reason HG Wells gets let off is because his book was about the discovery of microscopic bacteria. And anyway, the aliens did learn in HG Wells and came back and succeeded in conquering the planet.

I think I missed that one.  Which book was that?

[justdave]

but I don't know how much difference the fact that Bruce Campbel was acually there made.

The scene where JFK offered him a candy bar. Subtle genius, I tell you. That couldn't have been in the script.

No, I meant that Bruce Campbell was -really- there, after the movie was over. I want to call it awesome, but I might be just be having jittery fan wheaties.

You people, up there, in the thread, what mentioned Buckaroo Banzai! Your heresy can be dealt with! 8| Margalis, this means you!

[stray]

And you didn't prostrate yourself before him? What's wrong with you man?

[justdave]

I never said I didn't! For all you know, I was Bruce Campbell's cell wife!

Well, not really. But I did tell him that he was most awesome. And then I think I said 'wibble' and passed out.

[Special J]

This is cathartic.

Allow me to submit:  Next. 

Fucking die Nicholas Cage. I should have known better about any movie with Dog-face.  I didn't pay for it and I still felt robbed.

[Grand Design]

Battlefield Earth is very special badness, though. Fun badness, MST3K-able badness.

No MST3K, but they did make a Rifftrax for Battlefield Earth, and its the only way to watch it.  The scene where they superimpose a laugh-track is hilarious.  Not sure if I've told this story here, but the Thursday morning after 9/11, I was sitting in a hotel room with a horrible hangover feeling pretty shitty about the world.  BE was on and it actually made me feel a little better - as in, wow, things can get worse.

Bubba Ho-Tep is not an awful movie. It is pure awesome.

QFT.  But if you go into that film thinking it will be cinema gold, you're missing the point. 

I watched Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull this week.  Holy fucking shit.

[Khaldun]

On the list of "pretentious bad", I'd put L'Avventura by Antonioni. Habitually made Top 10 lists of many film critics for a generation, and I just thought it was unbelievably bad. I understand why its visual aesthetic is highly regarded, but it really left me cold.

I also very much dislike Last Tango In Paris, which I think got a lot of critical praise simply because it pushed back the frontiers of censorship and most critics want to support that effort, for good reason. The film itself is very eh, it doesn't do anything for me except change the way I look at butter.

[stray]

It's not my favorite Brando movie, but he rocked in it nonetheless.

[Grand Design]

Pretentious bad I cannot handle.  I will watch the film, getting angrier and angrier until I am thoroughly pissed off and start looking for names on IMDB to add to my shit list.  I  Huckabees is probably the best example of this.  I was disgusted to the pit of my soul from the first frame, and I watched the entire damned thing to prove a point.

Wes Anderson is the Alfred Hitchcock of pretentious bad.  Bottle Rocket and Rushmore were cute, mostly because they were comedic.  But he's made the same fucking movie three times since then.  Oh look, quirky characters in goofy situations pretending that everything is normal.  If only I was as pretentious and aloof as them!  We get it - make a different fucking movie now.  See, I'm getting pissed just thinking about how I actually sat through Darjeeling Limited.  The scene with Angelica Huston gave me a facial tick that lasted a week.  I'm going to watch Touch of Satan to calm down.

[stray]

I had the Wes Anderson hate after Rushmore too, but Life Aquatic cracked me up, sorry..

Or basically, I just didn't like the Tenenbaums

[Morat20]

Mortal Kombat 2 is the worst movie I ever saw in the theater. I though MK1 was enjoyable for what it was...MK2 screamed Direct to Video.

I saw MK2 in a theater, and had no regrets.

Admittedly, I had no regrets because the entire theater was empty except for me and the girl I was dating at the time. :) I don't recall the movie at all, strangely.

[ghost]

New one for the Hideous list:

King Arthur with Keira Knightley and Clive Owen.  Man that was bad.

As an aside:  I'm not too surprised that many of you might actually like Knocked Up.  I just thought it was so bad I couldn't get past the first 10 minutes of it. 

Watched Memento the other day.  That is a fucking awesome movie.

[stray]

Damn, you should really give it more than 10 minutes. It's fucking hilarious dude.

[stu]

Anyone mention Buckaroo Banzai yet?

I like Buckaroo Banzai!