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I know there is a realdoll joke to be made here, but i just don't have the motivation to try.

Jesus. That poor thing is gonna get humped to flinders.

Oh man, now I look crazy in the office for laughing so hard. Touche!

If I won it, I would simply burn it, just to piss off all the fanbois.

I'd post pics of me feeding it into a Shredder ala Fargo on the General Forums.

I'd rent it out for a shitton of money and have it cleaned and disinfected between each rental.

I understand the renting, but why the disinfecting?  Don't you want to do your part to purify the genepool?

to think about hate-fucking while you rub one out.

(http://www.worldofwarcraft.com/contests/05-06-09/images/lifesize-ne.jpg)

Best battle screenshot wins this little vixen (http://www.worldofwarcraft.com/contests/05-06-09/)! Forgive me if this is (again) old news. I just saw it and thought you'd chuckle. OR run to the bathroom, as it were.

Dear God, that makes me stabby. And not stabby with my penis kind of stabby.

The boobies are a bit small. Maybe they can enhance that for next contest.

Aren't the elves blue? I'm just saying.

Fucking Bluegers.

Wait a minute, WOW elves are blue???  That must be why the new UO elves are blue.

"WOW has, like, 2 million subscribers!  And they've got ELVES, you hear me???  BLUE ELVES!!!!  Get us some goddamn blue elves and we are BACK ON TOP!  MAKE IT SO!'

Actually, the white balance is off in that picture. There are other shots of it online that show a slight purple hue - which is one of the selectable skin tones for Night Elves.

Hmm, upon further thought, its also possible that the other picture I saw was doctored with a purple tone, so who knows.

Why am I even talking about this?

For some reason, I thought that picture was of Firiona Vie...  Tho I agree, the breasts are kinda small for her, too.

Alkiera

I see this thing and it keeps reminding me of this timeless classic.

(http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:LiovrlAB5K8J:http://www.indianahistory.org/historymarket/store/media/christmas_story_leg_lamp.jpg)

Imagine the thrill of opening the crate when it arrives.  You're "valuable prize".

Ahhhh, the joy of electirc sex in the window.

It's French - it says "Fra-GEE-lay"

Bigger boobies will be awarded as no drop loot in a GM-run, in-game event in which everyone dies.  The End.

Wait, sorry, wrong game ...

They really are a tad late in this. Realdoll has been making these for an age now, but they do come with improved and motorized "hand and body motions", and I am sure much of the male gamer population that can afford this, has this already.

I wonder how many developers out there use one of these as... "inspiration.."....

Italian. N00b.


 :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

I haven't seen that movie since I was 10 years old so blow it out your ass, The Jesus.

How is that possible? It is on every Christmas for 24 hours straight! Your mission (and you WILL accept it) is to watch it at least twice this Christmas season. 

What. The. Fuck. is wrong with you?

The damn movie is on for 24 hours on Christmas Day, every year.

Heathen.

I think both TNT and TBS play it contuiously from Thanksgiving until New Years.

As it should be, damnit. Its about the only Christmas movie I can stand having on in the background all day. Far preferralble to watching A Chrismas Carol or Its a Wonderful life plod along for four hours each.

That movie is nearly as quotable as a Python flick or the Princess Bride.

The actual books (author is Jean Shepherd) are even better, IMO.  Most of the best lines from the movie are the ones that were lifted straight from the original stories.  Also, in the books, the Old Man is uncensored.   :-D

So this story made me curious and I went and checked out the realdoll website...

~$7000.00?!!?

HOLY SHIT!  Spent judiciously 7 large could get you a lot of sex with real women, several of them at once even.

This ties in nicely with the philosophic hedonism thread.

Realdolls don't give you The AIDS, and don't drug you then rob you. You can do fucked-up things to them that would land you in jail if you tried it on a human. Also, if you soak one in a hot tub for awhile, they get that body-temp goodness. (What. I have a friend who works at an adult toy store.) Seems worth 7K to me (if that's your thing) - imagine the savings compared to the cost of a good ho and bail?  And frankly, I'm surprised they haven't tapped the nerd-fetishist demographic a lot sooner.


I HATE HATE HATE Christmas movies (although that one is my least hated). Christmas programs make me very stabby. God, I twitch just thinking about it. I loathe the holidays in general because of the awful programming and even worse music, and tend to stick to cooking shows and VH-1 during that time of year (also, since all the games come out in November the tv isn't on very much anyway). The only good thing about the holidays is giving gifts and cooking yummies. But I can do that all year 'round! In your face, Jesus!

Two excellent Christmas movies:

Die Hard
The Ref

Kevin Spacey's delivery is at its most perfect in The Ref.

"I'm actually quite happy.  There's nothing I'd change about my life."
"Oh stop it.  If you're so happy, then why am I miserable?  What do you call that?  What do you call a marriage where one person is miserable and you're perfectly happy?"
"Luck."

I haven't visited realdolls since I first passed it around to folks I knew in 99, but they used to have a testimonials section.  They described their clientelle as 'typically bitter, jaded men who had recently been through a severely unplesant divorce."   Some of the stories were just twisted in ways you can only expect very sad, sad, lonely  men to be. (i.e. having a 'dinner date' with your sex doll.)  If you feast on the tears of the pathetic, it's definatly a good read.

(Just checked, the testimonials part is still up (http://www.realdoll.com/letters.asp) (NSFW, naked doll) but those are different letters.  A lot of them mention Howard Stern, so the truly sad ones aren't there anymore.  Pity. )

And not all Christmas movies suck. In addition to the two already mentioned,  A Christmas Story is classic, as is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

Real women cost you more.

I didn't say marry them.

I just went to that real doll website and am now severely creeped out. Those dolls are almost too real looking. They look like dead women that have been stuffed or something.

I need a shower...

What's your point ?

The dolls aren't the creepy part.  Sex dolls have been around forever, so you can only expect them to get more real over time.  (Check out under Orders, they offer 'tactile feedback systems' now. (Doll orgasms?)  Hell, it's only a matter of time before we have the Cherry 2000 model.

No no, the creepy part is that they sell just Torsos for those guys who want the sex doll, but can't afford the 8 large for it.  A bargin at only $1500 for the two holes you're most concerned with.


Hey, we don't need to know. Just avoid hitting the keyboard.

I hadn't actually looked at that site in a while, so since I brough it up I took another look.

Now you can get your very own shemale realdoll...

Ok then.

*edit: cool, I just realized I've finally earned a grief title. I feel so loved.*

So now I gotta buy a fucking hot tub AND a doll? This is getting spendy...

Still cheaper than divorce.

Which reminds me.. the testimonial about the guy who bought one so he and his wife could have a 3-some isn't up there.  THAT one was really good.

If you make the water hot enough, apparently, your real doll will get that real flesh feeling.

EDIT: Because I just noticed that YOUR is not spelled YOU'RE. Fuck.

That was done over a month ago.

No, The Jesus, you just soak it in a hot tub of water. Like a bathtub, or a pot of chicken stock. Let the savings begin!

Shouldn't that be fish stock to get the right smell? *ducks*

Bah. Mother Fist and her five daughters, they don't charge me nothin'. Those $7,000 can buy a HDTV set to stream your collection of internet pr0n to.

Save yourself $6950.00 and get a Fleshlight (http://www.fleshlight.com). NSFW and all that.

(edit) fixed link-fu

(edit) I'm glad Samwise cared enough to fix the link.

OR! Or, just don't be an asshole and a real girl might actually have sex with you!

Edit: For free!

Too much effort.

Not for me. Define "real".

I just dribbled ice cream on the table. That was a pretty funny exchange.

Edited to reflect reality.

See, that's why I never quite got the existence of phone sex, glory hole booths and such. Why buy a farm when the cow's at the end of your arm the whole time?

It is never free.  Never.

Because (we hope) the farm doesn't have callouses? Okay, I think I'm on the verge of going too far again. Nevermind!

As you were, boys.

With the greatest of respect, you're female and know nothing of this.

Maybe 'women know' in the confines of a Tampax advert, but when it comes to handjobs, you guys just suck.

On the matter of sucking, though, you're better.

Roddy McDowell might have something to say about that if he weren't dead.

Not better than fags, from what I hear.

Besides, handjobs are for high school. And movie theaters. It's not like we need to give them often. And more importantly, have you ever actually tried to give someone else a handjob? Not the easiest angle to bend a wrist.

Hey look at that, we left good taste back at the turnpike.  :x

This is the point we are getting at.  If we manage to get a woman to do something gratifying, we only settle for the hand job if we have to.  Whatever the reason women have for being bad at it, it's the consolation prize... unless we do it ourselves, in which case it's not a hand job, is it?

We're probably not married ?

LOL

Just find (and marry) a woman who loves giving BJs. This should be your objective in dating.

Did you hear that scientists found a foodstuff that supresses all female sex drive ?  It's called Wedding Cake.

You try it, son.  Try it.

I have an add:

While dating, put a penny in a jar every time you have sex.  After you get married, take out five pennies each time.  You will die before you empty that jar.

Keep talking.  The more you do, the more I realize I got really lucky.

Without delving too-deeply into SirBruce-like territory, when's the last time your wife told you to come to bed because she was horny?

She plays games too. :rock: Now if only I could get her past that whole pop-rock infatuation..   

I swear to God I read that as 'poop-sock infatuation'. /shudder

...

 You need to get away from the MMO sites for a few days, Way.

You sure you didn't marry my wife?

What do you do with the kid(s) when that happens? ;-)  I am pretty lucky, and the come-to-bed does happen... just less often.  With a baby and high-maint wife, energy for anything is hard to gather.  I went to sleep playing Metroid Prime 2 last Sunday, like some geriatric fart.

Pop Rocks, no.  Altoids, yes.

I've been married for 5 years now. I don't remember sex.

God, you guys! You know that Sauced reads this stuff! Now I hafta up the ante. It's hard enough to be a trophy girlfriend, but when we get married now I hafta be uber for the rest of my life? That's a lot of pressure. Can't I just be a better cook or better looking than everyone else's wives? Isn't that enough?

Oh, did I mention that my wife is a fantastic cook, too?  :-D

You're just saying that so Pop Tart will give you some sugar. She's sitting right next to you, isn't she?

Haem is from the South. Hoho's are a good meal to him

Don't hate because you are jealous of the Southern Cuisine.

Fried Chicken FTW!

It would explain all the pants in my house that don't fit me.


Hrm.


Kids are still young, they're in bed by 8. And when they're teenagers, they'll just get to stay downstairs and entertain themselves.  :-D

Chicken fried steak, chicken fried chicken, chicken fried okra, chicken fried sausage, chicken fried grits, chicken fried...

I've been married for 11.  Sex?

Meh.  Who cares?

Married for 5 years here, too.  Sex is still a rather common occurance.  Of course, we waited until after getting married to start, maybe that's it.  *shrug*

Alkiera

Engaged and fresh off a romantic trip to Europe, only thing stopping us is all the people in our hizzouse.

Please stop worrying me.

Oh, and voodoo, become a better cook, it's worth more in the long haul.

Besides, a nigh-perfect sandwich is pretty close to bad sex which is good.

God of War is better than sex. Enough games like that and I'm set for life.

I beg to differ good sir.

I dated a Catholic schoolgirl for a few years. I can't date Catholic schoolgirls anymore without GOING TO JAIL. But I can play God of War without going to jail.

(http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/294810/2/plaid_skirt.jpg)

Date Catholic college chicks then, if that's your thing.  Personally I've found that librarians work out well too.

You haven't played God of War, have you?

Negitory.  I don't even own a PS2 (tempted, but just haven't seem to have gotten around to it).

Then I stand by my original statement.  :-D

Luckily, the PopTart is from the North, Italian and from a long line of great cooks. My mother, on the other hand, was an absolutely atrocious cook. If I was ever able to gain weight, the food my wife cooks would have me at around 300 pounds.

Get rid of that tapeworm and you should fatten right up.

I'm already a friggin' gourmet, so not much room for improvement there. /pats self on back

And Hammy, like I said before: "the closer to the bone, the sweeter is the meat". Thin? I ain't mad atcha.  And chubby guys "got more cushion for the pushin'".  :rock: <---obligatory rawking

Have you hit 30 yet Haem? I weighed a whopping 130lbs in high school at 5'9. Couldn't put a pound on for anything, and ate like total crap. Now, after 30, its a whole different story. I float around 165 right now, but have to watch things. Nothing looks worse than a beer gut on a skinny guy.

I'm 33, about to turn 34. I keep waiting for the ear-shattering crash that will be my metabolism slowing down, but it hasn't come yet.

Lucky bastard.  I had the ear-shattering crash at 18 and am still picking up the pieces.   :cry:

I can't say that a beer gut looks good on any guy, skinny or not. Although you could get into mean belly button depth competitions.

Just do what I do: ingest nothing all day 'cept a quart of strong coffee, chain smoke, and then binge into delirium on a single 2000-calorie meal for dinner. Seems to be working so far.

I must disguise my arousal.  Her breath sounds like it smells heavenly.  Like cotton candy.

I think my crash happened sometime after I turned 32/33.  Of course, my son also entered into the world when I hit 31.  I am still skinny as all hell, but I can tell I could easily get a paunch if I tried.

Did you read the same book I did?

Try marrying a trained chef at age 33. Bad times for the waistline, let me tell you!

I forgot you were skin and bones before you got married.

Yes. It's The "Fuck Off, I'm French" Diet, right? Any country that is famous for its hot women and diet consisting entirely of bread, cheese and wine is alright by me.

That is my story, and I am sticking to it.



Oh, and fuck you.  :evil:

... And then came the android women (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4714135.stm)

Nice.  Interesting bit:

Hey, that's almost three minutes (http://www.health24.com/news/Sexuality/1-944,31469.asp) longer than most guys need! I see money!

Well done again for making me wince, scream and then giggle in the space of a couple of posts.

Fucking Japanese.

EDIT :  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo

"Before Repliee Q1, Professor Ishiguru developed Repliee R1 which had the appearance of a five-year-old Japanese girl. "

But she got tentacle raped by the Demon Robot he'd been working on ? ? ? ?

Eerr.. I aim to please?