Why do people live in Australia?

[TardKommando]

I'm all for keeping these countries, TardKommando.  After all, my favourite rugby team is from NZ and I have a very, very SMALL soft soft for cricket so we really do need Australia.  But you post isn't helping our cause any!   

Ok, maybe you can hold off nuking us until after the Rugby World Cup then.

Also I always thought the Mad Max world wouldn't be a bad setting for a game license. With fuel being the 'currency' and only two guns in the second movie (Max's sawed off and the .357 of Humungous or whatever his name was.) The rest would be an eclectic mix of crossbows and homemade flamethrowers. Throw in a razor edged boomerang or two.

[Signe]

Geez.  I make more typos than King Typo of Typovania.

[Yegolev]

Given that, what is a "soft soft"?  My mind is in the gutter, of course.

[Signe]

It was supposed to be "soft spot."  Of course, when I ignore my typos, I get questions.  I should know better.  Anyway, what did you THINK a soft soft was?  Just curious.

[Azazel]

Obviously it's related to your avatar.

Had a big fucking white-tail spider in the bedroom a few nights ago at 3am. Tore the room apart till the fucker was dead. Took about an hour or so.

I hate them.

Still, I'd rather live here in Melbourne than anywhere else in the world, for quality of life alone. (Despite being ripped off on everything from games to.. well, everything else.)

[lamaros]

Peter Garret is a Politician! Which is rather amusing. It would be much cooler if he had been in Mad Max.

[Yegolev]

Anyway, what did you THINK a soft soft was?  Just curious.

I had no idea, but I was hoping it was dirty.

[Calantus]

Peter Garret is a Politician! Which is rather amusing. It would be much cooler if he had been in Mad Max.

He was always very political so nobody was really surprised down here.

[lamaros]

Peter Garret is a Politician! Which is rather amusing. It would be much cooler if he had been in Mad Max.

He was always very political so nobody was really surprised down here.

Surprised, no not perhaps that. But amused, yes.

I live in Melbourne.

[pants]

Seconded.


I'd actually like to visit Australia, it's on my list of countries I'd consider moving to.  But I'm staying the fuck away from the wild.  I'll cower in the cities, thank you very much.

Hate to burst your bubble - but the full name for the one species of funnelweb spider is the Sydney Funnel Web.  No prizes for guessing why its called that - it can only be found in about a 100km range of Sydney.  Pretty much every kid has a few close encounter with funnelweb stories from growing up.  They normally come into homes either after heavy rain, or during the springtime mating season.

So staying in the cities aint gonna help ya.

[stray]

Australia just seems like one big, giant version of Texas to me. I already live in Texas though..

Would really love to live in New Zealand. Either that or Argentina. Both countries seem to offer the entire range of geographical types.

[Llava]

I can handle a few arachnids.  I lived backing up to a mountain in Arizona, scorpions would visit at least once a week.

I just don't want dingos breaking into my house.

[Ezdaar]

I lived in Sydney for about two years. The worst thing I saw was a redback in someone's back yard. When it rained a Hunstman might come indoors, they're big and scary but pretty much harmless. I did know someone who periodically had funnel web colonies in their yard, though they lived way the hell out west. I went into the Blue Mountains a few times and never saw anything nasty. Around Sydney the only bad things are the funnel webs, I can't vouch for the rest of the country though. I live in Arizona now and am more concerned with scorpions than I ever was with stuff in Sydney.

[Llava]

When it rained a Hunstman might come indoors, they're big and scary but pretty much harmless.

Plus they're good to have around if a wolf has eaten your grandma.

So that's another person to mark down on the "Lives in Arizona" list.

[Strazos]

Wtf, Scorpions? Fuck that.

[Tale]

Has anyone ever noticed the same mutant-y looking bloke appears in ALL those sorts of films from Australia.  He's in some films from other countries, too.  He's almost always a mutant and riding a motor bike.  It's that man from Midnight Oil, isn't it?

No, Peter Garrett from Midnight Oil is too busy pretending to support US bases in Australia (in line with party policy) after a music career of lyrics like "US forces, give the nod, it's a setback for your country".

The tall, gangly guy you're thinking of has gotta be Bruce Spence. I said Bruce Spence. He was in all the Mad Max stuff and other weird movies.

[Signe]

No, it's not him.  It was some guy who had a bit part.  Just one of the baddies.  I've seen him, or people who look exactly like him, in several scary films.  He likes playing bikers, too.  He/they just look a lot like Midnight Oil Guy.  He was in the original The Hills Have Eyes.  I'm pretty sure there's more than one of him.  A whole tribe, maybe.

[stray]

You're talking about Michael Berryman. He was in Weird Science too.

[Signe]

Okay.  There was an actor in Mad Max 2 who looked like that.  I've seen either him or his clones in loads of films, usually bit parts.  They're nearly always mutants.

[Cheddar]

Okay.  There was an actor in Mad Max 2 who looked like that.  I've seen either him or his clones in loads of films, usually bit parts.  They're nearly always mutants.

I like the new avatard, Feet.

What else did she shave?

[Tale]

What else did she shave?

Peter Garrett's bonce, of course.

[Llava]

She will always be Feet!  There is no escape!

[Kageru]

Sorry, but every poisonous snake, insect, and aquatic death machine cancels out 10 cuddly, cute animals.  Imagine this; I bring you a basket of koala bears, wombats, and baby kangaroos and tell you, "Cuddle all you want, they love people!  Oh, but somewhere in the basket is an aggressive brown snake that is coiled and ready to strike.  Have fun.".

To be honest I'm not sure the snake would be my biggest concern. The fact that most Australian fauna is lazy, and generally couldn't be bothered to come over and give you a good clawing, doesn't mean it can't....

Wombats - "However, this lack of fear also means that they may display acts of aggression if provoked, or if they are simply in a bad mood. Its sheer weight makes a charging wombat capable of knocking an average-sized man over, and their sharp teeth and powerful jaws can result in severe wounds. The naturalist Harry Frauca once received a bite 2 cm deep into the flesh of his leg—through a rubber boot, trousers and thick woollen socks (Underhill, 1993). A young boy let into an enclosure unprotected to feed a wombat at a caravan park was charged, knocked over, and bitten and scratched all over."

"Kangaroos are shy and retiring by nature, and in normal circumstances present no threat to humans. Male kangaroos often "box" amongst each other, playfully, for dominance, or in competition for mates. The dexterity of their forepaws is utilised in both punching and grappling with the foe, but the real danger lies in a serious kick with the hindleg. The sharpened toenails can disembowel an opponent."

Of course with the Koala you'd have to wake the thing up first, and probably attach it to your face yourself.

[Merusk]

So what you're saying is, "Australia; Even the cuddly bits will kill or maim you."

[Endie]

I like what Al Murray, Pub Landlord says when he discovers there are Australians in his audience: welcome back lahv, you've done your time, you've paid your debt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4-oR-l9pQQ

[Bunk]

I will once again pipe in with my love for the west coast, or the Pacific Northwest as you 'mericans like to call it. Almost no dangerous spiders or snakes to speak of. If you go four hours inland and hit the Okanagan desert, you might find a rattler or the odd black widow if you look hard. Once in a blue moon you get a cougar attack on a kid up north or in the boonies.

Only dangerous animal in Vancouver is the odd mistreated Pitbull that was trained to guard a grow op. Or maybe a Black bear hiking up Grouse mountain, but to get attacked by one of those you have to do something really, really stupid.

[Megrim]

Of course with the Koala you'd have to wake the thing up first, and probably attach it to your face yourself.

Once attached however, they are much like a facehugger.












"They killed him taking it off..."

[Azazel]

We don't got no Sydney Funnel Webs here in Melbourne.

They don't have them in Adelaide either, but fuck living in Adelaide.

[Righ]

How about in Kalangadoo? Doesn't matter, I just wanted to say Kalangadoo. I'll say it again. Kalangadoo.

Woomera.

[Endie]

I remember someone talking about Aussie movies once: "Wogga Wogga Hughes and the Sacred Bongawonga Tree".  :-D

[Tale]

I remember someone talking about Aussie movies once: "Wogga Wogga Hughes and the Sacred Bongawonga Tree".  :-D

To me, ridiculing the sound of Australian Aboriginal names in that way isn't appropriate. When I was a kid, comedians could get laughs with "ching chong Chinaman", bone-nose "ooga booga" Pacific islander impressions, "mammy" with black facepaint, red Indians and "how". The sounds of different cultures were ridiculed because people didn't know enough to respect them.

Ah fuck, it's another opportunity to link Peter Garrett (there's even a crocodile): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7N5ZsCGjUz0

BTW in around 1990 I bootlegged that and more Oils stuff from TV on VHS tape and copied the sound to a cassette tape. The Oils in Central Australia was the ultimate music for me and my friends - we did voluntary work out there on an Aboriginal settlement, building kit homes, driving around in the same kind of vehicles on the same kind of red dirt roads, playing that music.

[Endie]

To me, ridiculing the sound of Australian Aboriginal names in that way isn't appropriate.

Identity politics, thankfully, is sooo 1990s.  I am relieved that "appropriateness" as a weasel-words way of criticising humour is on the retreat.

As a Scotsman, I hear plenty of drunkness humour, meanness allusions and kilt/skirt jokes.  I don't care!  I find lots of Scotsman humour very funny.  And I certainly don't feel threatened by the stuff that isn't funny.  I don't understand, though, why a person can tell a drunk Scotsman joke - God knows that there are enough of them - but not a drunk Aborigine joke (that would be professional suicide for most comedians).  Do people believe that Scots can stand up for themselves but that Aborigines somehow need protected from the big bad comics on account of some weakness?

[NiX]

What's it like around the Univ. of Western Australia? Probably taking a transfer to there when I finish here. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO ATTACH A KOALA TO MY FACE! OH GAWD!

Bunk - Certain people in Van are more dangerous than any animal could ever be.

[Kitsune]

I'm amazed that nobody has yet brought up the only feasible reason to move to Australia: Australian women.  A woman who grew up surrounded by poisonous creatures and has a voice with the nice twang of a British accent but without the snooty undertones?  Hell yes.

[Merusk]

Do people believe that Scots can stand up for themselves but that Aborigines somehow need protected from the big bad comics on account of some weakness?

Nope.   Scotts are white.

And now the Australia thread travels to Politics.  Onward!