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f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  General Discussion  |  Serious Business  |  Topic: Useless Conversation 0 Members and 16 Guests are viewing this topic.
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Author Topic: Useless Conversation  (Read 4160177 times)
Merusk
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Reply #2485 on: March 20, 2008, 03:29:36 PM

Of course we check references but at these kind of positions most companies refuse to say more than, "Yes, he/she worked here." or "Never heard of em."  If you say any more than that for a reference at my company you will get walked out the door.  Such is the state of things in torte happy America.

Murgos said it before I did.  Hell, when I was in management training 2 jobs ago they TOLD us not to say more than this.  I've even heard a few urban legends that it's illegal to say more than that in the first place.  It almost makes me wonder why the fuck you ask for a resume in the first place.  I suppose to see if folks are illiterate or not, or if they've at least read the job description so they knew what to lie about on their resume.  awesome, for real

My favorites were always the "I know it's been 4 years and I  haven't graduated my 2-year associate degree program yet, but I will next year!" cover letters.  Particularly when they came-in for postings that required a B. Arch or B. Construction Management.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
stray
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Reply #2486 on: March 20, 2008, 04:26:35 PM

Normally, I would say that degrees are complete bullshit, but in your case, they aren't. WTF? That's almost as insane as applying for a position that required an education in Engineering or Chemistry.
Merusk
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Reply #2487 on: March 20, 2008, 05:11:36 PM

The thing that always bothered me was; these are the resumes HR saw as fit to forward to me.  WTF else were they getting that I never even saw?  "I live in a house, and I watch this old house on PBS, so I'm sure I can draw one!" in crayon?

Also, while I didn't get to give many interviews, since I only lasted a year before losing my mind, I still have an interview story.  Protip: Don't interview for a job and tell the guys interviewing you that you don't really want to do the work, and are only looking at this as a 'foot in the door' position to sales or marketing.  Particularly not when the guys interviewing you HATE the sales & marketing folks.

HR gave me a pisser on that one, too.  Because it was a she and she was black and we interviewed her, they felt I should have hired her because "it looks bad that you hired a white guy instead."   They still felt that way after we explained the whole "Uhh.. she talked for 5 minutes about not wanting to do Architecture..." swamp poop

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
Yegolev
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Reply #2488 on: March 20, 2008, 05:31:49 PM

Behold the downfalls of low unemployment.

Why am I homeless?  Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question.
They called it The Prayer, its answer was law
Mommy come back 'cause the water's all gone
stray
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has an iMac.


Reply #2489 on: March 20, 2008, 05:36:46 PM

Unemployment may be low, but jobs and wages are shittier than ever. I don't think a percentage is reflective of anything good really.


That being said, I agree with the humor you're trying to convey. I'm just derailing a bit.
Salamok
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Reply #2490 on: March 20, 2008, 06:43:40 PM

My favorite interviewee was a Unix evangelist fresh out of college (applying for a windows administrator/desktop support position) who stated that his 5 year goal was to bring down the evil Microsoft empire.
Yegolev
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Reply #2491 on: March 20, 2008, 07:14:05 PM

That guy sounds like a winner.  Reminds me of the guy we had that had a side business making cloaks at home and selling them as Dark Shadows knockoffs via internet while on shift.  Word is that he thought he was a vampire.

Also, crappy job is better than no job by far, so I think a low unemployment rate is pretty awesome for lots of people.  Like the dumbasses we are talking about who otherwise would end up at jobs of the proper level or on the unemployment line.  You can't get good people for new openings because they are all working somewhere else, and so you are left with bad people.

Why am I homeless?  Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question.
They called it The Prayer, its answer was law
Mommy come back 'cause the water's all gone
Selby
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Reply #2492 on: March 20, 2008, 07:35:42 PM

I hate interviewing people.  We had our dumbass HR department trying to fill a specific electrical engineering position and they forwarded on the DUMBEST bunch of morons I have ever interviewed.  "I've got a PhD" It says on your resume you have two masters... "I made a mistake, ignore it" All right... what was your dissertation about? "lolz wutz?" You know, the dissertation, the culmination of years of research showing you discovered something new. "Um, I think I designed a traffic light system" All right, draw it for me "well, I didn't actually do it, my instructor did" So what did you do for 4 years? "lolz wutz?"

Then there was the Russian\Chinese\Korean PhD in applied physics that was applying for a $45k/year entry level position... Can you say "gimme green card plz kthx"
MrHat
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Reply #2493 on: March 22, 2008, 05:24:15 AM

Heh.  I wish I knew who I was interviewing against most of the time when I was interviewing.  I never bullshitted more than was required.

I'm very much say what they want to hear in as an interviewee.  But I don't lie.
Samwise
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Reply #2494 on: March 22, 2008, 10:35:18 AM

Oh, very few people have the stomach to actually lie face to face.  That's the incredible thing.  They just lie on the resume, knowing full well that they'll be found out in the interview.  Some of them will even confess right away in the hopes of being able to downplay it -- "I know my resume says that I'm proficient in ten languages, but I really haven't done any programming in twenty years and couldn't find my way out of a for loop with a map and a flashlight.  I'm sure it'll all come right back to me, though."
Nerf
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Reply #2495 on: March 22, 2008, 02:07:02 PM

This makes me even sadder about not being able to find a solid job, I've got 5 years of 100% commisioned sales experience, several successful businesses under my belt, and most of the time I don't even get callbacks on my resume.

Maybe I should just roll all of my experience into one company and say I worked there for a long fucking time.
cmlancas
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Reply #2496 on: March 22, 2008, 08:07:50 PM

Nerf, sales is funny that way. You know that once you get in and make the big sales, you're making big $$$.

In the wake of a bunch of bad news, some bigwigs at my company came in today and said I was doing a damn good job; they're giving me a letter of recommendation to the hiring manager of the job I just applied for that pays double what I make now.  DRILLING AND MANLINESS DRILLING AND MANLINESS DRILLING AND MANLINESS

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Selby
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Reply #2497 on: March 22, 2008, 08:34:37 PM

I'm very much say what they want to hear in as an interviewee.  But I don't lie.
My worst interview was when some headhunter called me and wanted me to apply to some silicon valley company.  I gave him my resume and he forwarded it on.  I get a call and the guy starts asking down to the molecular level of IGBT and MOSFET theory on how to bias them and how they work.  I flat out say "Honestly, I just design power inverters and ring-up circuits, I don't design the transistors themselves and I just copy down existing gate driver designs and modify them for my purposes.  If I had KNOWN that was what you were looking for I wouldn't have wasted your time."  He didn't get it and continued to ask me questions for another hour that I just kept saying "If I had a transistor theory book in front of me I would be reading you what you want to hear."  And then he had the nerve to say "you aren't quite how the headhunter represented you" (NO SHIT).  At least they didn't fly me out there.  I would have been REALLY mad if that had happened.  I can only guess the headhunter had doctored my resume and sent it to one of those "10-15 years experience preferred" type jobs (with me being 25 and it flat out saying so on the resume, I have no idea why he would have done that).  Which is strange considering the job description he sent me the link to was basically a tech writer position for writing IGBT instruction manuals (which I found out after the fact).
Signe
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Reply #2498 on: March 23, 2008, 06:39:29 AM


My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
Merusk
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Reply #2499 on: March 23, 2008, 07:45:37 AM

When you realize that "Headhunter" means "resume salesperson" you begin to understand their lying, deceitful ways a lot more and the desire to talk to/ use them diminishes a lot.

Not that ALL salespeople are lying, deceitful bastards; but, well... The bad ones often seem to outnumber the good ones.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
murdoc
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Reply #2500 on: March 24, 2008, 07:21:27 AM

The job I got hired me based on 'fitting within the company'. Basically, the made sure I had some technical aptitude and was trainable, but more importantly fit into their corporate culture.

Definitely one of the more unique interviews I've ever had.

Have you tried the internet? It's made out of millions of people missing the point of everything and then getting angry about it
Signe
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Reply #2501 on: March 24, 2008, 07:42:35 AM



All gone.

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
voodoolily
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Reply #2502 on: March 24, 2008, 07:46:49 AM

That looks like an Appalachian egg basket. (It's a real type of basket, not an inbred joke.)

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Engels
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Reply #2503 on: March 24, 2008, 09:52:58 AM

The job I got hired me based on 'fitting within the company'. Basically, the made sure I had some technical aptitude and was trainable, but more importantly fit into their corporate culture.

Definitely one of the more unique interviews I've ever had.

That's refreshingly honest. I don't know how many companies I've either worked at or been interviewed by were staffed by a bunch of incompetent boobs who were really only interested in a social circle of like-minded socialites.

I should get back to nature, too.  You know, like going to a shop for groceries instead of the computer.  Maybe a condo in the woods that doesn't even have a health club or restaurant attached.  Buy a car with only two cup holders or something. -Signe

I LIKE being bounced around by Tonkors. - Lantyssa

Babies shooting themselves in the head is the state bird of West Virginia. - schild
Yegolev
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Reply #2504 on: March 25, 2008, 08:10:01 AM

I'm filling up the pool.  We did not act on Operation Groundwater, instead compromising.  A pool-filling service would have been $5000 but fast and easy.  Operation Groundwater would have been free but an enormous pain in the ass.  The compromise is to use my house water and let them fine me, which would be only $500.  If I spend $500 on county water, I'm still way ahead financially and I don't have to do any real work.

Why am I homeless?  Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question.
They called it The Prayer, its answer was law
Mommy come back 'cause the water's all gone
Sky
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Reply #2505 on: March 25, 2008, 09:10:29 AM

I love fines like that. 10% of the penalty of doing the 'right' thing. Nice move, bureaucracy!

I'm trying again with a second mortgage product. 20yr fixed monthly, 5.5% (after I bitched them down from 5.75). $50 more a month but shaves 10 years off, not including any extra payments I'll be making on it. Hopefully the bank appraisal goes well, it's the last known unknown unless there's title funkiness. Given this deal, I don't rule anything out.

The other two guys who made offers on houses in my price range at the same time I did are closing this week. Ye gods.
Samwise
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Reply #2506 on: March 25, 2008, 10:17:17 AM

Go go shorter loan!  I'm really hoping I can swing a 15yr when my time comes so I can have the house paid off before I've got any tuition to worry about.
Signe
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Reply #2507 on: March 25, 2008, 11:16:44 AM

Make as few payments as you can without going into foreclosure and you can laugh at the Evil Bank because you won't have to pay it all back  after the world ends in 2012.  I bet you forgot about the world ending in 2012!

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
Signe
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Muse.


Reply #2508 on: March 25, 2008, 01:58:09 PM

We have a sodomy thread?

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
tazelbain
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tazelbain


Reply #2509 on: March 25, 2008, 02:19:56 PM

Every thread in politics is sodomy.

"Me am play gods"
Sky
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I love my TV an' hug my TV an' call it 'George'.


Reply #2510 on: March 26, 2008, 06:32:40 AM

So is real estate. And banking.

Capitalism, really. Capitalism is basically how hard you can sodomize someone before they begin to complain about the bleeding. Wonderful system. That it's the best the world has to offer makes me wonder about the world and this 'god' chap.
Nebu
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Reply #2511 on: March 26, 2008, 06:47:04 AM

Capitalism, really. Capitalism is basically how hard you can sodomize someone before they begin to complain about the bleeding. Wonderful system. That it's the best the world has to offer makes me wonder about the world and this 'god' chap.



Quote from: Gordon Gecko
Greed... is good.

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Bunk
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Reply #2512 on: March 26, 2008, 09:10:06 PM

Not that ALL salespeople are lying, deceitful bastards; but, well... The bad ones often seem to outnumber the good ones.

Having recently escaped the title of "Salesman" and now being in a position that actually checks on what the salespeople in the company are doing, I can assure you that anyone who is successful in sales is a lier far more often than they are not.

The only thing I feel that has less scruples than a successful salesperson, is a successful sales mananger.

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Sauced
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Reply #2513 on: March 26, 2008, 09:25:52 PM

Got a resume today with the following words:

"in industries such as internet"
schild
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Reply #2514 on: March 26, 2008, 09:41:02 PM

Got a resume today with the following words:

"in industries such as internet"

I thought I told you not to publicize my bullet points.
Cim
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Reply #2515 on: March 26, 2008, 09:53:04 PM

The two of you should fight to the death!

Theres a place on your face that can save the human race, its called a smile, the positivity that it creates takes awhile, but the grin will turn an inch into a mile.
Sauced
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Reply #2516 on: March 26, 2008, 10:18:21 PM

I thought I told you not to publicize my bullet points.

What's funny (well, not really, but you know) is that as we tried to come up with a rationalization for bringing him in for an interview is that, surely, he was being a smart ass and would laugh at us if we so much as mentioned it. 

We had a guy last week bring in a Batman figure and set it on the table before the interview, telling us afterwards that it was a test.  If anyone had questioned his behavior he would have walked out, since he refuses to work with anyone who didn't just think that was the funniest thing ever.
schild
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Reply #2517 on: March 26, 2008, 10:21:16 PM

Batman wouldn't have made me laugh.

Mr. Bacon and Monsieur Tofu though?

I would hire someone like that on the spot.

What was the rest of the first guy's resume like?
Cheddar
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Noob Sauce


Reply #2518 on: March 26, 2008, 10:26:12 PM

I thought I told you not to publicize my bullet points.

What's funny (well, not really, but you know) is that as we tried to come up with a rationalization for bringing him in for an interview is that, surely, he was being a smart ass and would laugh at us if we so much as mentioned it. 

We had a guy last week bring in a Batman figure and set it on the table before the interview, telling us afterwards that it was a test.  If anyone had questioned his behavior he would have walked out, since he refuses to work with anyone who didn't just think that was the funniest thing ever.

This is.... zen.  Ironically, with the company I am with, this would probably get you hired in some circles.  I am stealing this idea (not joking).

No Nerf, but I put a link to this very thread and I said that you all can guarantee for my purity. I even mentioned your case, and see if they can take a look at your lawn from a Michigan perspective.
Sky
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Reply #2519 on: March 27, 2008, 06:14:33 AM

What if you questioned him about how funny it was?

Better yet, what if you had produced a Joker figure?
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