Useless Conversation

[Merusk]

Of course we check references but at these kind of positions most companies refuse to say more than, "Yes, he/she worked here." or "Never heard of em."  If you say any more than that for a reference at my company you will get walked out the door.  Such is the state of things in torte happy America.

Murgos said it before I did.  Hell, when I was in management training 2 jobs ago they TOLD us not to say more than this.  I've even heard a few urban legends that it's illegal to say more than that in the first place.  It almost makes me wonder why the fuck you ask for a resume in the first place.  I suppose to see if folks are illiterate or not, or if they've at least read the job description so they knew what to lie about on their resume. 

My favorites were always the "I know it's been 4 years and I  haven't graduated my 2-year associate degree program yet, but I will next year!" cover letters.  Particularly when they came-in for postings that required a B. Arch or B. Construction Management.

[stray]

Normally, I would say that degrees are complete bullshit, but in your case, they aren't. WTF? That's almost as insane as applying for a position that required an education in Engineering or Chemistry.

[Merusk]

The thing that always bothered me was; these are the resumes HR saw as fit to forward to me.  WTF else were they getting that I never even saw?  "I live in a house, and I watch this old house on PBS, so I'm sure I can draw one!" in crayon?

Also, while I didn't get to give many interviews, since I only lasted a year before losing my mind, I still have an interview story.  Protip: Don't interview for a job and tell the guys interviewing you that you don't really want to do the work, and are only looking at this as a 'foot in the door' position to sales or marketing.  Particularly not when the guys interviewing you HATE the sales & marketing folks.

HR gave me a pisser on that one, too.  Because it was a she and she was black and we interviewed her, they felt I should have hired her because "it looks bad that you hired a white guy instead."   They still felt that way after we explained the whole "Uhh.. she talked for 5 minutes about not wanting to do Architecture..."

[Yegolev]

Behold the downfalls of low unemployment.

[stray]

Unemployment may be low, but jobs and wages are shittier than ever. I don't think a percentage is reflective of anything good really.


That being said, I agree with the humor you're trying to convey. I'm just derailing a bit.

[Salamok]

My favorite interviewee was a Unix evangelist fresh out of college (applying for a windows administrator/desktop support position) who stated that his 5 year goal was to bring down the evil Microsoft empire.

[Yegolev]

That guy sounds like a winner.  Reminds me of the guy we had that had a side business making cloaks at home and selling them as Dark Shadows knockoffs via internet while on shift.  Word is that he thought he was a vampire.

Also, crappy job is better than no job by far, so I think a low unemployment rate is pretty awesome for lots of people.  Like the dumbasses we are talking about who otherwise would end up at jobs of the proper level or on the unemployment line.  You can't get good people for new openings because they are all working somewhere else, and so you are left with bad people.

[Selby]

I hate interviewing people.  We had our dumbass HR department trying to fill a specific electrical engineering position and they forwarded on the DUMBEST bunch of morons I have ever interviewed.  "I've got a PhD" It says on your resume you have two masters... "I made a mistake, ignore it" All right... what was your dissertation about? "lolz wutz?" You know, the dissertation, the culmination of years of research showing you discovered something new. "Um, I think I designed a traffic light system" All right, draw it for me "well, I didn't actually do it, my instructor did" So what did you do for 4 years? "lolz wutz?"

Then there was the Russian\Chinese\Korean PhD in applied physics that was applying for a $45k/year entry level position... Can you say "gimme green card plz kthx"

[MrHat]

Heh.  I wish I knew who I was interviewing against most of the time when I was interviewing.  I never bullshitted more than was required.

I'm very much say what they want to hear in as an interviewee.  But I don't lie.

[Samwise]

Oh, very few people have the stomach to actually lie face to face.  That's the incredible thing.  They just lie on the resume, knowing full well that they'll be found out in the interview.  Some of them will even confess right away in the hopes of being able to downplay it -- "I know my resume says that I'm proficient in ten languages, but I really haven't done any programming in twenty years and couldn't find my way out of a for loop with a map and a flashlight.  I'm sure it'll all come right back to me, though."

[Nerf]

This makes me even sadder about not being able to find a solid job, I've got 5 years of 100% commisioned sales experience, several successful businesses under my belt, and most of the time I don't even get callbacks on my resume.

Maybe I should just roll all of my experience into one company and say I worked there for a long fucking time.

[cmlancas]

Nerf, sales is funny that way. You know that once you get in and make the big sales, you're making big $$$.

In the wake of a bunch of bad news, some bigwigs at my company came in today and said I was doing a damn good job; they're giving me a letter of recommendation to the hiring manager of the job I just applied for that pays double what I make now. 

[Selby]

I'm very much say what they want to hear in as an interviewee.  But I don't lie.

My worst interview was when some headhunter called me and wanted me to apply to some silicon valley company.  I gave him my resume and he forwarded it on.  I get a call and the guy starts asking down to the molecular level of IGBT and MOSFET theory on how to bias them and how they work.  I flat out say "Honestly, I just design power inverters and ring-up circuits, I don't design the transistors themselves and I just copy down existing gate driver designs and modify them for my purposes.  If I had KNOWN that was what you were looking for I wouldn't have wasted your time."  He didn't get it and continued to ask me questions for another hour that I just kept saying "If I had a transistor theory book in front of me I would be reading you what you want to hear."  And then he had the nerve to say "you aren't quite how the headhunter represented you" (NO SHIT).  At least they didn't fly me out there.  I would have been REALLY mad if that had happened.  I can only guess the headhunter had doctored my resume and sent it to one of those "10-15 years experience preferred" type jobs (with me being 25 and it flat out saying so on the resume, I have no idea why he would have done that).  Which is strange considering the job description he sent me the link to was basically a tech writer position for writing IGBT instruction manuals (which I found out after the fact).

[Signe]

[Merusk]

When you realize that "Headhunter" means "resume salesperson" you begin to understand their lying, deceitful ways a lot more and the desire to talk to/ use them diminishes a lot.

Not that ALL salespeople are lying, deceitful bastards; but, well... The bad ones often seem to outnumber the good ones.

[murdoc]

The job I got hired me based on 'fitting within the company'. Basically, the made sure I had some technical aptitude and was trainable, but more importantly fit into their corporate culture.

Definitely one of the more unique interviews I've ever had.

[Signe]

All gone.

[voodoolily]

That looks like an Appalachian egg basket. (It's a real type of basket, not an inbred joke.)

[Engels]

The job I got hired me based on 'fitting within the company'. Basically, the made sure I had some technical aptitude and was trainable, but more importantly fit into their corporate culture.

Definitely one of the more unique interviews I've ever had.

That's refreshingly honest. I don't know how many companies I've either worked at or been interviewed by were staffed by a bunch of incompetent boobs who were really only interested in a social circle of like-minded socialites.

[Yegolev]

I'm filling up the pool.  We did not act on Operation Groundwater, instead compromising.  A pool-filling service would have been $5000 but fast and easy.  Operation Groundwater would have been free but an enormous pain in the ass.  The compromise is to use my house water and let them fine me, which would be only $500.  If I spend $500 on county water, I'm still way ahead financially and I don't have to do any real work.

[Sky]

I love fines like that. 10% of the penalty of doing the 'right' thing. Nice move, bureaucracy!

I'm trying again with a second mortgage product. 20yr fixed monthly, 5.5% (after I bitched them down from 5.75). $50 more a month but shaves 10 years off, not including any extra payments I'll be making on it. Hopefully the bank appraisal goes well, it's the last known unknown unless there's title funkiness. Given this deal, I don't rule anything out.

The other two guys who made offers on houses in my price range at the same time I did are closing this week. Ye gods.

[Samwise]

Go go shorter loan!  I'm really hoping I can swing a 15yr when my time comes so I can have the house paid off before I've got any tuition to worry about.

[Signe]

Make as few payments as you can without going into foreclosure and you can laugh at the Evil Bank because you won't have to pay it all back  after the world ends in 2012.  I bet you forgot about the world ending in 2012!

[Signe]

We have a sodomy thread?

[tazelbain]

Every thread in politics is sodomy.

[Sky]

So is real estate. And banking.

Capitalism, really. Capitalism is basically how hard you can sodomize someone before they begin to complain about the bleeding. Wonderful system. That it's the best the world has to offer makes me wonder about the world and this 'god' chap.

[Nebu]

Capitalism, really. Capitalism is basically how hard you can sodomize someone before they begin to complain about the bleeding. Wonderful system. That it's the best the world has to offer makes me wonder about the world and this 'god' chap.

Greed... is good.

[Bunk]

Not that ALL salespeople are lying, deceitful bastards; but, well... The bad ones often seem to outnumber the good ones.

Having recently escaped the title of "Salesman" and now being in a position that actually checks on what the salespeople in the company are doing, I can assure you that anyone who is successful in sales is a lier far more often than they are not.

The only thing I feel that has less scruples than a successful salesperson, is a successful sales mananger.

[Sauced]

Got a resume today with the following words:

"in industries such as internet"

[schild]

Got a resume today with the following words:

"in industries such as internet"

I thought I told you not to publicize my bullet points.

[Cim]

The two of you should fight to the death!

[Sauced]

I thought I told you not to publicize my bullet points.

What's funny (well, not really, but you know) is that as we tried to come up with a rationalization for bringing him in for an interview is that, surely, he was being a smart ass and would laugh at us if we so much as mentioned it. 

We had a guy last week bring in a Batman figure and set it on the table before the interview, telling us afterwards that it was a test.  If anyone had questioned his behavior he would have walked out, since he refuses to work with anyone who didn't just think that was the funniest thing ever.

[schild]

Batman wouldn't have made me laugh.

Mr. Bacon and Monsieur Tofu though?

I would hire someone like that on the spot.

What was the rest of the first guy's resume like?

[Cheddar]

I thought I told you not to publicize my bullet points.

What's funny (well, not really, but you know) is that as we tried to come up with a rationalization for bringing him in for an interview is that, surely, he was being a smart ass and would laugh at us if we so much as mentioned it. 

We had a guy last week bring in a Batman figure and set it on the table before the interview, telling us afterwards that it was a test.  If anyone had questioned his behavior he would have walked out, since he refuses to work with anyone who didn't just think that was the funniest thing ever.

This is.... zen.  Ironically, with the company I am with, this would probably get you hired in some circles.  I am stealing this idea (not joking).

[Sky]

What if you questioned him about how funny it was?

Better yet, what if you had produced a Joker figure?