Useless Conversation

[Merusk]

I agree. Notes was fucking awful when I had to use it.  Not that I think Groupwise is excellent, but it's a fuckton better than goddamn Notes.

[Yegolev]

The DST update boned my Blackberry.  I hate DST.

[Yegolev]

I will be getting one of these, I think:
http://www.jbox.com/PRODUCT/SHIRT-ENGRISH1

[Signe]

It sounds more like Yoda. 

[schild]

I will be getting one of these, I think:
http://www.jbox.com/PRODUCT/SHIRT-ENGRISH1

I constantly replace my electronics with jlist t-shirts.

Wait, what?

[Cheddar]

It sounds more like Yoda. 

Thanks for changing the avatard.

 Boobs you must,  choose you WILL!

[Signe]

Doctors make me extremely nervous.  Head doctors (who make me the most nervous) call it "white coat syndrome."  I seem to collect syndromes.     Anyway, when I get nervous I make things up.  They're really, really bad lies and I'm really, really bad at telling them.  The more I tell them, the more nervous I get and eventually I sound completely insane.  Today I had an appointment with my opthamologist/plastic surgeon guy.  He's poking around at me and I'm getting tense and stressy.  He suddenly says, "You smell like grapefruit!"  I tell him it's a genetic hormone condition.   :-(  It's really my astringent.  I tell him I've been trying to find an endocrinologist to give me something to remove the smell and replace it with a strawberry smell.  I told him the other doctor, his boss, assured me that he could remove a blemish on my cheek and I would look exactly like Halle Berry.   I'm so embarrassed.  I have no control or will power.  I hate myself.  I can't stop thinking about how stupid I sounded.   

Thank you in advance for not mocking me.

[HaemishM]

Your posts do smell awful fruity.

[Strazos]

/mock Signe

[Sky]

Goddamned doctors and their syndromes.

"I like chocolate." "Ahh, you have acute cocoa-attractive syndrome!"

[Yegolev]

All I can say is that it could be worse.  Also, I like your made-up explanations, they are quite entertaining.  Beats the hell out of what happens when my wife gets nervous in social situations.

[Signe]

He actually had his nurse call me this morning to see if I was okay.  eek. 

[Yegolev]

Wacky.  Well, in this vein I will tell a story.

My wife has recently begun to see an acupuncturist.  She says that she thinks it is helping, but I can't remember which particular ailment she said, if she did, that is better.  Last time she went (Wednesday?), the acupuncture lady gave her an herbal, uh, something.  I don't know exactly what it is since I cannot read Korean.  It is liquid and comes in pouches.  It is the same color as the U.N.I.T. coat that Lethbridge-Stewart wears in the first Jon Pertwee episode, and a bit more opaque.  She is supposed to drink two pouches a day.  It smells terrible, however it actually tastes fifty times worse than it smells, which is rather interesting.

My wife could not drink the whole bit.  It's not much, really, at most a half-cup of vile liquid.  Instructions say to warm it a bit, twenty seconds in the microwave.  I tried it last night, and it is truly horrible.  The package has a picture of some deer, and since I don't know what the name is, I call it Deer Squeezin's.  I think actual deer squeezin's would taste better.

She now says that she does not think she can go back to see the acupuncturist anymore because she can't tell her that she can't drink the junk.  I showed her the International Symbol for Vomiting and said she should just mime that, if there is a language barrier (and there is).  She asked me where I learned that, and I said from the U.N.  I quickly disappeared into the kitchen before she could interrogate me further.

[Engels]

Its probably deer antler 'velvet', also known as Velvet Deer Blood Pouches. This has some info on the latter.

To highlight:

Today Deer Velvet is being used to encourage
• Arthritis relief and joint health.
• Increase vitality and wellbeing
• Muscle development and increased strength and stamina.
• Enhanced athletic performance
• Red blood cell production to correct anemia.
• Increased capacity of blood to carry oxygen.
• Faster recovery from injury and surgery.
• Stress relief.
• Enhanced Immune system activity.
• Boosted levels of certain Anabolic hormones for anti-ageing.
• Fertility

[schild]

Fucking Asia and it's fertility drugs. Everything is for fertility.

It's just so predictable. It's almost upsetting.

[Murgos]

Fucking Asia and it's fertility drugs. Everything is for fertility.

It's just so predictable. It's almost upsetting.

It obviously works though.  Look at how many of those fuckers there are.

[Samwise]

I am sick.  Coughing, headache, weakness. 

Perhaps I should try some deer squeezings.

[Signe]

I am sick.  Coughing, headache, weakness. 

Perhaps I should try some deer squeezings.

Don't die!  I command you!   

Did you ever have the really hard hiccups that hurt?  I'm having them right now.  It's the second time this week.  I wish they'd go away.   

[Samwise]

Think of the last time you ate quiche.

[Yegolev]

Fertility?   Well, that shit is going into the damn trash.

I actually wish it was blood.  It would taste a lot better.  It definitely has green tea and probably ginseng.  Come to think of it, it might contain a lot of pureed green tea leaves.  And ass.

[Yegolev]

Oh, hiccups.  Hold your breath.  Do it as long as you can, and if that doesn't work just keep doing it until they stop.  Have to rest the lungs.

[Raging Turtle]

I'm also sick with the headcold from hell, and I've got a double training shift tomorrow.  Bah.  The girlfriend's sick as well, but with stomach-related. 

Not going to be a fun week. 

[Llava]

I really don't think anyone can be as randomly hilarious as Signe without either extreme psychological conditions, or mental health so solid it... is impressive, or something.  I just gave up on that sentence, it was too much trouble.

[Ironwood]

I don't understand people who suffer with hiccups.  It's a muscle like anything else, you can control it.  I was taught how by a group of mystic monks.   Ok, my friend who's a surgeon, but it's the same thing.  Concentrate on your diagphram.

No, not that one.  The other one...

[Furiously]

Wacky.  Well, in this vein I will tell a story.

My wife has recently begun to see an acupuncturist.  She says that she thinks it is helping, but I can't remember which particular ailment she said, if she did, that is better.  Last time she went (Wednesday?), the acupuncture lady gave her an herbal, uh, something.  I don't know exactly what it is since I cannot read Korean.  It is liquid and comes in pouches.  It is the same color as the U.N.I.T. coat that Lethbridge-Stewart wears in the first Jon Pertwee episode, and a bit more opaque.  She is supposed to drink two pouches a day.  It smells terrible, however it actually tastes fifty times worse than it smells, which is rather interesting.

My wife could not drink the whole bit.  It's not much, really, at most a half-cup of vile liquid.  Instructions say to warm it a bit, twenty seconds in the microwave.  I tried it last night, and it is truly horrible.  The package has a picture of some deer, and since I don't know what the name is, I call it Deer Squeezin's.  I think actual deer squeezin's would taste better.

She now says that she does not think she can go back to see the acupuncturist anymore because she can't tell her that she can't drink the junk.  I showed her the International Symbol for Vomiting and said she should just mime that, if there is a language barrier (and there is).  She asked me where I learned that, and I said from the U.N.  I quickly disappeared into the kitchen before she could interrogate me further.

My now dead friend used to drink that stuff. His trick was the hold his nose closed with one hand and pound it down like a beer.

[Signe]

[voodoolily]

We moved on Saturday and I'm covered with so many bruises it looks like someone gave me a boot party. I just keep telling my coworkers that at least they let me in the gang. The ones on the inside of my forearm are the best, cuz now I look like I shoot smack.

[stray]

You're in Portland. I'm sure you fit right in.

[Signe]

We moved on Saturday and I'm covered with so many bruises it looks like someone gave me a boot party. I just keep telling my coworkers that at least they let me in the gang. The ones on the inside of my forearm are the best, cuz now I look like I shoot smack.

I miss your blogginess. 

[schild]

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Raheem Kudus Salem, a merchant in Dubai in
U.A.E i have been diagnose with Esophageal cancer which was discovered very late, due to my laxity and incaring for my health.

It has defiled all forms of medicine, and right now I
have only about few months to live, according to medical experts.

I have never particularly lived my live so well, as I
have never really cared for anyone not even myself but business. Though I am very rich, but not generous, I was always hostile to people and only focus on my business as that was the only thing I cared for.

But now I regret all this as I now know that there is
more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I will live my life in a different way from how I have lived before, now that God has called me through this way I have willed and given most of my properties assets to my immediate and extended family and as well as few
close friends.

Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I can not do this my self anymore, I once asked my family members to close one of my account and distribute the fund to charity organisation in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money for
themselves, hence I do not trust them anymore as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them the last of my funds which no one knows about, it's a huge cash deposit of Thirty five million dollars($35,000,000,00) in Europe with a cargo
shipping/security firm.

I want to know if you can be of good help to dispatch
this fund to charity organisation and for the developments of poor community and aid for the less privileged people.

I have set aside 30% percent of the total amount for you for your time and patience, May God be with you as you have decided to take a bold step to help and heal the world with me.

Please do note that I will be waiting to hear from you
soonest on the email address below.

( rksalem@myway.com )


Best regards

Raheem Kudus Salem.

[stray]

What is that? Some spam you received?

I google Raheem's name and found the same post on.....Spanish Fedora Linux Google Groups.

[Lantyssa]

What a generous man.

[stray]

After revisiting that post of mine above yours, it makes me look like a non-native speaker of English. Comes off very sinij-ish.

[Yegolev]

Man, all I ever get is this shit:

   ФОРМЫ ОПЛАТЫ:
   WebMoney.   
   Через Сбербанк.
   Банковский перевод для юр. лиц.   
   Наличными в офисе.   
   Наличными через курьера.
   Оперативность:
   - Pаccылkа   стартует в день оплаты.
   - Выезд курьера производится в день обращения или на следующий   день.   
     
 Наши приимущества:
    - Обход фильтров
     - Бесплатное изготовление макеты
     - Бесплатный выезд курьера
     - Любые формы оплаты
     - Ежемесячное обновление баз

[Kenrick]

This conversation is even more useless than I thought.