Useless Conversation

[Chimpy]

I'm not sure Sky has discovered regular pants. The flannel lined pair may be his first.

Or he just got a new pair of buckskins with flannel instead of rabbit pelt lining and realized how much more range of motion he gets.

[RhyssaFireheart]

 

Have you told you all how much I internet-love you?  Because right now I'm trying not to laugh in my cube which would bring strange questions my way.

Also, I'd like to ask my finance person WTF I had to have my list of accruals to her by 12/16 if she's just fucking working on them now?  It's annoying to have to keep taking out my earbuds because she's calling asking silly questions that would be answered if she looked at the freaking spreadsheet I sent her (the one with notes and explanations for what each invoice was for and a column showing what account will be charged for said invoice).

[Sky]

You live in snow country, you chop wood outdoors in the winter time, and you just now discovered flannel-lined pants?

Tell me, when did you first discover regular pants?

I just jam each leg down a deer's throat and walk around with two deer bodies on my legs.

(I just wear jeans/t-shirt/flannel overshirt when chopping wood, it's warm work)

[Merusk]

I'm not sure Sky has discovered regular pants. The flannel lined pair may be his first.

What's he been chopping wood in? Culottes?

Naught but his beard and a loincloth, of course.

[Salamok]

IT'S BECAUSE THEY WANT TO PLAY WITH THE NUMBERS.  That's it.  They give you shite about 'reporting' and 'seeing the details' and 'working with what they know', but the fact is if you give them a fucking awesome SQL report with charts and the whole lot they'll look at you like you're from Mars and say 'can I have it in Excel'.

Most of the time we want to see it in excel because if you don't show me the raw data, I'm going to think you're lying. Why? Because most of the time, people fudge the numbers to make themselves/their departments/their budget look better.

TRUE FUCKING STORY!  

EDIT: Johny Cee's got my back!

Excel is an awesome tool to lie with.

[Abagadro]

I hope you have also discovered the joy of shearling lined slippers. Just got a new pair after wearing out my old ones.

[Paelos]

Excel is an awesome tool to lie with.

But I'll know! I have my ways... 

[Salamok]

Excel is an awesome tool to lie with.

But I'll know! I have my ways... 

Yeah Lehman thought the same thing, maybe they were too busy cooking their own books to properly audit others.

[Paelos]

Yeah Lehman thought the same thing, maybe they were too busy cooking their own books to properly audit others.

Lehman was being audited by E&Y.

I don't think they were doing audits on any large scale.

[Ironwood]

Wife worked for E&Y.  Stories I could tell.

[WayAbvPar]

Oh, accounting stories. Is that how you get Elena to go to sleep at night?

[Ironwood]

Most of the time we want to see it in excel because if you don't show me the raw data, I'm going to think you're lying. Why? Because most of the time, people fudge the numbers to make themselves/their departments/their budget look better.

TRUE FUCKING STORY!  

Think about what you just said.  Seriously.  You're saying you prefer one FORMAT over another because the data might be doctored.

Seriously.  You're an addict.  Just fucking admit it.

[Ironwood]

Oh, accounting stories. Is that how you get Elena to go to sleep at night?

Never really needed.  Elena's a good kid and rarely needs a smack.

Well, maybe a couple of grams to get her to sleep.

[Ingmar]

And of course, data that has been taken from its original source and put into Excel is hardly "raw".

[WayAbvPar]

Oh, accounting stories. Is that how you get Elena to go to sleep at night?

Never really needed.  Elena's a good kid and rarely needs a smack.

Well, maybe a couple of grams to get her to sleep.

Can you record a few of them and ship me a CD? Mine is like a goddamned tornado for 90 minutes, and then he falls into a coma. Would like to cut that down to 45 minutes or so  

[Rasix]

You too, eh?  Spending most of your evening trying to convince a dead tired child that maybe it's a good idea to sleep is a blast.  And naps? I remember those once.  I think I need them more than he does.

Kid will do anything to avoid sleep.  Singing, request more books, ask me if various parts of my face are cold or warm..

[Ironwood]

And of course, data that has been taken from its original source and put into Excel is hardly "raw".

That's my point.  Rather than read only reports fashioned as they like it from the actual live database where everyone else sticks stuff in, they want something to 'play with'.

And then the cunts want it reuploaded because 'their' sheets now reflect 'reality'.

Seriously, over half a million quid went missing 'cause some dipshit with over 40 years experience changed the WiP figure for all the clients by a tiny amount.  It was like fucking Superman III, except with horrible repercussions and people getting canned.  And not people who did it, but people who now couldn't be afforded.


And rest.

[Ingmar]

You too, eh?  Spending most of your evening trying to convince a dead tired child that maybe it's a good idea to sleep is a blast.  And naps? I remember those once.  I think I need them more than he does.

Kid will do anything to avoid sleep.  Singing, request more books, ask me if various parts of my face are cold or warm..

Don't you know, you're supposed to give them Xanax:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2012/01/06/national/a121446S96.DTL&tsp=1

[Rasix]

Too difficult.  Tranq gun will probably work better.  Plus, it's got the range advantage.

[Ingmar]

[Merusk]

What always worked for me was saying, "GO TO SLEEP." Then leaving the room and ignoring the 4-10 mins it took for them to cry themselves to sleep.   But I'm a mean, heartless bastard and would also willingly yell at the wife if she tried to go in and comfort.

Little fuckers need to learn who's boss.  

[Samwise]

Go the fuck to sleep.

[lamaros]

I want to be diagnosed next! I've had vertigo since Monday, no other symptoms. It comes and goes, doesn't matter if I'm sitting, standing or moving. Feels like I'm moving on a Wonkavator.

Could be ear damage. Happened to me. Sucks bad.

[Salamok]

Yeah Lehman thought the same thing, maybe they were too busy cooking their own books to properly audit others.

Lehman was being audited by E&Y.

I don't think they were doing audits on any large scale.

Yeah E&Y was our auditor as well, this was all just a big disgusting circle jerk.

[Paelos]

Yeah that's audit in a nutshell. It's total horseshit. And I do several of them for a living. Mostly NFP and 401ks though, so not really the same wheelhouse.

The funny thing is, when you find something, if it's bad enough you simply withdraw from the engagement and hire a lawyer to cover your ass.

And no, that's not just a suggestion, that's in the fucking AICPA code on auditing standards. I can't make this shit up. When I heard that the answer for "gee, these books are horribly fucked" was "run and hide behind your lawyers," that's when I knew I was going to go into tax for the majority of my work.

[Rasix]

Go the fuck to sleep.

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.    Why haven't I seen this before?  Thanks.   

[Lantyssa]

I want to be diagnosed next! I've had vertigo since Monday, no other symptoms. It comes and goes, doesn't matter if I'm sitting, standing or moving. Feels like I'm moving on a Wonkavator.

BPPV is my first guess.  It's treatable, or goes away on it's own, eventually.  Treatment clears it up much, much faster.

Pretty common apparently, though I hadn't heard of it until last summer.

[Strazos]

Just going to leave this gem here: http://www.cityofmadison.com/incidentreports/incidentDetail.cfm?id=12902

 

[Xanthippe]

I almost named my kid that.

[Chimpy]

Just going to leave this gem here: http://www.cityofmadison.com/incidentreports/incidentDetail.cfm?id=12902

 

Oh man, my best friend's brother-in-law is a cop in Madison. I need to get details from him on this one.

[Der Helm]

I almost named my kid that.

It's even better, he chose the name himself. 

[Cyrrex]

And of course, data that has been taken from its original source and put into Excel is hardly "raw".

That's my point.  Rather than read only reports fashioned as they like it from the actual live database where everyone else sticks stuff in, they want something to 'play with'.

And then the cunts want it reuploaded because 'their' sheets now reflect 'reality'.

Seriously, over half a million quid went missing 'cause some dipshit with over 40 years experience changed the WiP figure for all the clients by a tiny amount.  It was like fucking Superman III, except with horrible repercussions and people getting canned.  And not people who did it, but people who now couldn't be afforded.


And rest.

Can we conclude from all of this that accountants are the source of your unexplained weight loss?

[Ironwood]

No, that story was from a year or two back.

[Xanthippe]

So what did the doctor say?

[schild]

Still need a job. Shit sucks.