Useless Conversation

[Der Helm]

Seriously, hope it's nothing dire.

And if it's not IS nothing dire, and contagious, let's make out or something.  

edit: Fuck grammar, trying to fix.

[Cyrrex]

Wait...so do you want to make out with Merusk or Ironwood?  You probably don't want to make out with Ironwood, he has some kind of crippling disease.

Seriously though...any history of diabetes?  Major work or personal stress?  Unexplained weight loss is not a good thing.  Stress our tapeworm are your best case scenarios.  Shit, a tapeworm would almost be cool.  Good conversation starter.

[lamaros]

Tapeworm can lead to issues with the nervous system, so not entirely cool.

[ghost]

Rapid, unintentional weight loss is often a sign of cancer.  I would definitely recommend you hit the doctor ASAP. 

[Lantyssa]

Silly question, but are you eating?

[Johny Cee]

Rapid, unintentional weight loss is often a sign of cancer.  I would definitely recommend you hit the doctor ASAP. 

The fact he was also grinding I'd really lean towards stress.  When your jaw hurts, too, you don't want to eat and/or you eat less.


Ironwood, you just need shingles to score the hat trick!

[Sky]

Silly question, but are you eating?

And remember, in the rest of the world, whisky doesn't count.

[Ironwood]

 

Yes, I'm eating.

Yes, it's stress.

No, there's no reason to concern yourself.

No, it's not a toomah.

Yes, I'm drinking just as much.  A lot.  And Constantly.


The teeth got better.  I'd locked that jaw muscle good, but it's all ok now.

[Yegolev]

Of course it's stress.  Why do you need to see someone about this?  Unless you actually are going to get some don't-kill-other-people pills, in which case get on it and stop dicking around.

[RhyssaFireheart]

Well, eat more then!  You need something to soak up all that whisky. 

On a different note, anyone know why Excel keeps telling me this is an inconsistent formula? =IF(OR(E1139=0,D1139=0),"-",IF(E1139>D1139,D1139/E1139,E1139/D1139))

I'm using it to figure out the percentage accurate our project plans are on a monthly basis, but if someone forecast cost that didn't turn into an actual, I don't want to see the stupid DIV/0! error message all over the place.  What am I missing in my formula, since it is working as I want it, but all those little green triangles in the corners of the cells is making me nuts.

[Paelos]

Probably has to do with your inclusion of the OR in your initial if logical test.

[RhyssaFireheart]

Disclaimer - I was given the formula by someone else using it, I didn't write it myself.  Writing formulas in Excel, beyond some fairly basic ones, is beyond me and I'm not sure I want to learn more in depth.

So if I take the OR out it should still work and be fine?  /goes to check...

Well, tried removing the OR and got an error message, so can't just do that.  Am I missing another command or something?

EDIT - Oh FFS, I ran error checking on it to see exactly what was wrong with the formula and got this:  "Inconsistent Formula.  The formula in this cell differs from the formulas in this area of the spreadsheet."

Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?!?  That's the error? Because the rest of the formulas I'm using are either SUM or SUMIF (adding rows of numbers based on what kind of cost they are - capital, expense or functional) and this formula tosses up an error?  warlagalgfrlgbnael;hb

[Merusk]

Yep.

Welcome to MS Office.  "We make simple things hard.*"


But they are blown-away by Adobe on this.  I wanted to add a few text notes to a PDF the other day.  My machine at work has Adobe Acrobat Pro installed.  It was easier to download & install Adobe Reader and use that to mark things up than it was to figure out how the fuck you add text in Pro.

[ghost]

Yes, I'm eating.

Yes, it's stress.

No, there's no reason to concern yourself.

No, it's not a toomah.

Yes, I'm drinking just as much.  A lot.  And Constantly.


The teeth got better.  I'd locked that jaw muscle good, but it's all ok now.

Well, it may be stress, but knowing what I know I would still think it may not be a bad idea to get checked.  Losing more than 10-15% of your body weight unintentionally can be due to some very bad stuff, and I've had patients in the past who were in exactly the same situation you're in right now that cropped up with a colon cancer or lymphoma or something like that. 

[Ironwood]

You're just a wee ray of sunshine today.

[Bunk]

He's just showing how deeply he cares for you. 

[Paelos]

Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?!?  That's the error? Because the rest of the formulas I'm using are either SUM or SUMIF (adding rows of numbers based on what kind of cost they are - capital, expense or functional) and this formula tosses up an error?  warlagalgfrlgbnael;hb

Excel hates it when you change things. It tosses that error at you when you have formula changes inside a large data input section.

In other news I had my first honeycrisp apple ever. Good sweetness, but the texture is what gets me. It was delightful.

[MuffinMan]

I want to be diagnosed next! I've had vertigo since Monday, no other symptoms. It comes and goes, doesn't matter if I'm sitting, standing or moving. Feels like I'm moving on a Wonkavator.

[Yegolev]

When I lost a lot of weight quickly, it was due to stress fucking my digestive tract.  Having basically plateaued with the stress management, I went through rounds of tests and whatnot before eventually determining that taking an omeprazole every day not only brought back my appetite, I also stopped having Other Bad Things happen whenever I got unnecessarily¹ worried about something stupid².

¹ It's always unnecessary.
² It's always stupid.

[Yegolev]

I want to be diagnosed next! I've had vertigo since Monday, no other symptoms. It comes and goes, doesn't matter if I'm sitting, standing or moving. Feels like I'm moving on a Wonkavator.

Drink more water.

[ghost]

You're just a wee ray of sunshine today.

Why do I find this funny coming from you?   

I don't mean to be glum.  I've just seen too many people burned by the "it's probably nothing" viewpoint.

[Ironwood]

Excel is shite.  It should be banned by the Geneva convention.

And accountants never, ever, ever internalise this fact.  Fuckers.

[Paelos]

Excel is shite.  It should be banned by the Geneva convention.

And accountants never, ever, ever internalise this fact.  Fuckers.

Eat something. I think your blood sugar is low. 

[Ironwood]

See ?

[Johny Cee]

Excel is shite.  It should be banned by the Geneva convention.

And accountants never, ever, ever internalise this fact.  Fuckers.

Accountants are fueled by sorrow and frustration, thus making Excel one of our most potent weapons...  not quite as potent as acronyms, but close.

[Ironwood]

I've worked with accountants since the age of 21.

Even when there are better financial solutions out there, they fall back on Excel like addicted rats.  It's utterly pathetic.

And you know WHY ?  Do you want to know WHY ?

IT'S BECAUSE THEY WANT TO PLAY WITH THE NUMBERS.  That's it.  They give you shite about 'reporting' and 'seeing the details' and 'working with what they know', but the fact is if you give them a fucking awesome SQL report with charts and the whole lot they'll look at you like you're from Mars and say 'can I have it in Excel'.

And you know what happens then ?  They fucking change the WIP on the report and you actually finish your year end having lost .7 million.

TRUE FUCKING STORY.

[Sky]

Today I discovered flannel-lined pants. 

[Reg]

Nice! Are they orange?

[Xanthippe]

I want to be diagnosed next! I've had vertigo since Monday, no other symptoms. It comes and goes, doesn't matter if I'm sitting, standing or moving. Feels like I'm moving on a Wonkavator.

Inner ear shenanigans is my guess, maybe an infection of some sort. Drink a lot of water, get plenty of sleep, take your vitamins, and eat well. If it's not gone in 2 weeks, go to the doctor.

[Johny Cee]

I've worked with accountants since the age of 21.

Even when there are better financial solutions out there, they fall back on Excel like addicted rats.  It's utterly pathetic.

And you know WHY ?  Do you want to know WHY ?

IT'S BECAUSE THEY WANT TO PLAY WITH THE NUMBERS.  That's it.  They give you shite about 'reporting' and 'seeing the details' and 'working with what they know', but the fact is if you give them a fucking awesome SQL report with charts and the whole lot they'll look at you like you're from Mars and say 'can I have it in Excel'.

And you know what happens then ?  They fucking change the WIP on the report and you actually finish your year end having lost .7 million.

TRUE FUCKING STORY.

I have done all of those things.  Especially changes to WIP based on Percentage of Completion/Estimate to finish.  

Operations guys are filthy, filthy liars who claim shit is nearly done when they know they will have overages at the beginning of next year.... those dirty fuckers don't need to sit down with the bank and discuss your overly optimistic WIP, and why your bank shouldn't drop your bonding/commercial line of credit/long-term financing because they don't trust your lying eyes and inability to cost projects.

[Xanthippe]

Today I discovered flannel-lined pants. 

You live in snow country, you chop wood outdoors in the winter time, and you just now discovered flannel-lined pants?

Tell me, when did you first discover regular pants?

[Paelos]

IT'S BECAUSE THEY WANT TO PLAY WITH THE NUMBERS.  That's it.  They give you shite about 'reporting' and 'seeing the details' and 'working with what they know', but the fact is if you give them a fucking awesome SQL report with charts and the whole lot they'll look at you like you're from Mars and say 'can I have it in Excel'.

Most of the time we want to see it in excel because if you don't show me the raw data, I'm going to think you're lying. Why? Because most of the time, people fudge the numbers to make themselves/their departments/their budget look better.

TRUE FUCKING STORY!  

EDIT: Johny Cee's got my back!

[Minvaren]

IT'S BECAUSE THEY WANT TO PLAY WITH THE NUMBERS.

Reminds me of the first IT job I had - I was all but bribed by the salespeople to produce reports from the system showing their sales and commissions instead of the doctored reports that management was producing for them.  A few days later, I was strongly discouraged (by management) from ever interacting with the sales department again.

In similar news, people at work hate it when things (like financials) arrive in PDF format, because it's not as easy to edit as Excel.   

[rattran]

I'm not sure Sky has discovered regular pants. The flannel lined pair may be his first.

[Paelos]

I'm not sure Sky has discovered regular pants. The flannel lined pair may be his first.

What's he been chopping wood in? Culottes?