Useless Conversation

[Salamok]

When I win the lottery I am going to mount a precision caltrops launcher to a backup camera and all your tire will belong to me!

[Merusk]

I agree with the 1st part and while I used to agree with the 2nd part there are definately some exceptions there.  Way too many of these large shopping centers place an exit too close to a traffic light.  I have 1 on the way home that has an exit onto a 4 lane one way road and it is 30 yards before a light.  Inevitably the guy you are nice to is under some delusion that he can cut over 4 lanes of rush hour traffic in 30 yards (to make a left at the intersection) so you sit there and watch the light you easily could have made turn red again as he parks in front of you with his turn signal on.  All this instead of choosing an exit point from the parking lot that would better accomodate his needs.

Oh god, yes this.  There is a shopping complex near my house that has a Best Buy, Meijer, Home Depot and a few strip mall stores.  There are 2 exits from this center, one near the Best Buy, one near the Home Depot strip mall. The Best Buy one goes directly onto the I-75s onramp, but has no concrete divider so that the folks on the 7-lane main drag can pull to the right and get in the lane to get on the highway.    

These stupid asshats could easily drive the 1/2 mile from the Best Buy around the loop to make the turn at the other exit if they're going straight or turning left at the light.  Costing them no time and saving time for everyone who isn't an idiot.  Noooo, that'd make too much sense.  Instead we'll get a queue of 12 assholes trying to pull 2-4 lanes over.  Meanwhile, I, who could easily zip into the lane and onto the exit have to drive around to the other exit to make it out and onto the highway in less than 15 mins.  YARG!


Anywho, since we're on driving stories I'll pass along one I just heard from a coworker this morning. He was back home in Evenston, IN this weekend and his parent's friends had recently had the wife lose her father.  On the way home from making funeral arrangements they were on one of the many 2 lane roads in the town when they noticed a car coming at them.  Nothing unusual until they noticed the car was in the middle of the road as  it was going.

The husband thought perhaps this was just an idiot on a cell phone not paying attention and he pulled a bit onto the shoulder, figuring they'd realize it soon enough.  The oncoming car pulled fully into their lane at this point, forcing the husband to drive right off the road or hit the other car head on.  The car sped past them, never even slowing down and slammed into a 10' tall brick & CMU church sign a few hundred yards behind them.

The driver was ejected from the car and it burst into flames.  They both got out and ran back to make sure there was nobody else in the car (there wasn't) and called the cops.  The driver was DOA, and the family asked if they could leave and talk to the cops later after their initial statement, since this on top of the funeral arrangements was too much to deal with.  The cops agreed and showed up at their house later that evening to take the rest of their statement .  At that time they related the girl had been trying to hit them because about 20 mins earlier she had texted a friend she was going to kill herself.  

Fucking crazies out there.  Stay safe.

Fake Ed: Damnit 5 posts since I started typing this.  I drive like Yeg, but he'd piss me the fuck off. 

Ed: Reading the quote below hurt my brain and I wrote it.

[Yegolev]

I drive like Yeg, but he'd piss me the fuck off. 

I'd piss myself off.  Twenty-thousand man enter, one man leave!

[Selby]

My solution to crappy drivers is to drive a car that looks like crap.  Mismatched junkyard fenders and front end indicates that I don't care how it looks, so being an ass and cutting me off and slamming on your brakes or trying to force your way into my lane is only going to hurt you and your nice car.  You can't make me lose since my car already looks like hell, is paid off, and your Acura still has payments for another 2-4 years.  I drive around the speed limit and keep to the right lane as best I can with the flow of traffic since even if I am doing 70, I've got car after car flying by me on the left.

The cops agreed and showed up at their house later that evening to take the rest of their statement where they related that the girl had been tryingn to hit them because about 20 mins earlier she had texted a friend that she was going to kill herself.

If you are going to kill yourself, at least do it with an inanimate object.  I've already got the concrete barrier picked out for mine and no innocents get hurt!  Selfish to the end some people sure are...

[Sky]

Oh, no! If you're going to off yourself, do it in a useful way! Take some folks with you. Obviously not random people, but get a good list of people really begging to go. I think it's good to be constructive like that.

[Merusk]

Sky's epitaph:  "Multitasking to the end."

[Yegolev]

Wife just called and asked me to leave work ASAP since the power is out at home.  "OK, I'll be home soon to generate some electricity" did not garner the laughs I had hoped.  I think I am going to have to entertain the guests somehow.  I'm thinking scotch and closets.

[Sky]

Sky's epitaph:  "Multitasking to the end."

It would be cool to kill yourself and be found with a list of murdered assholes, in order. Toward the bottom of the list is a half-crossed off "Kill myself", and left at the bottom of the list uncrossed "Chillax with Jesus".

[rattran]

Wife just called and asked me to leave work ASAP since the power is out at home.  "OK, I'll be home soon to generate some electricity" did not garner the laughs I had hoped.  I think I am going to have to entertain the guests somehow.  I'm thinking scotch and closets.

Start a hide and seek game, then just leave for a few hours.

[Salamok]

Wife just called and asked me to leave work ASAP since the power is out at home.  "OK, I'll be home soon to generate some electricity" did not garner the laughs I had hoped.  I think I am going to have to entertain the guests somehow.  I'm thinking scotch and closets.

Start a hide and seek game, then just leave for a few hours.

preferably with the scotch

[FatuousTwat]

WTF is with people slowing down when they merge onto a freeway from an onramp? Seriously.

[Strazos]

I agree with pretty much all ya, especially VDL and Righ.

Only point of contention is someone claiming NJ drivers are good...

They're terrible. By "better than most," that must have meant better than PA and CT. NYC drivers are more skilled, but way more aggressive.

CT people are super terrible...they drive around like little ducks in a pond, in whichever random lane they pick.

PA and NJ drivers just suck. Especially NJ drivers when there's any sort of rain or snow. They drive like scared little children.

I'm also sick of dodging accidents. My record is dodging 2 in 1 week.

[Signe]

http://By "better than most," that must have meant better than PA and CT.

This is very truthy.

[JWIV]

Wife just called and asked me to leave work ASAP since the power is out at home.  "OK, I'll be home soon to generate some electricity" did not garner the laughs I had hoped.  I think I am going to have to entertain the guests somehow.  I'm thinking scotch and closets.

You are supposed to be able to fix everything magically or at least sit around and provide bullshit "moral support" which seems to involve dropping anything you were doing, regardless of its importance.

[apocrypha]

I'm sorry, truly, but I am one of those arseholes who slows to a near stop for speedbumps. I drive a 10 year old fucked up Ford Ka and if I hit even the smallest of speedbumps at anything over 10mph bits fall off.

The roads here are FUCKED because of too many huge lorries driving through the city and not enough road repairs done by the councils so anyone not driving a 4x4 gets their suspension fucked every year anyway, so, yeah sorry, I go slow over them.

[Signe]

You're not an arsehole for slowing down for speed bumps.  We don't drive beat up old car and we slow down.  People who fly over them are the arseholes.  I can't even imagine why they'd do that.

[Strazos]

My car is low so I not only have to slow down to an almost stop, but I also have to swing over and go at a speedbump at an almost 45 degree angle. Any other way and I start scraping things. It's unfortunate, so I try to avoid speedbumps at all costs.

[Hindenburg]

So why don't you have it raised a bit?

[rattran]

Everyone everywhere in the country drives badly. Some areas are worse than others (slow merging/stopping on the accel lane in Boston, illegal lane change and random speeds in L.A., red-light running in Phoenix, gridlock in snow in Chicago) but nowhere are they good.

Plus, any of you fuckers who drive faster than me are maniacs, any who drive slower are jerks.

That said, I don't speed, love driving my car, and drive defensively. And haven't gotten less than 20mpg even driving in 4wd, Sky must be a leadfoot!

[Yegolev]

WTF is with people slowing down when they merge onto a freeway from an onramp? Seriously.

Unmitigated fear.

So far, I have come into contact with far too much urine and fecal matter.  The year is off to a shitty start.  Literally.

[Yegolev]

Wife just called and asked me to leave work ASAP since the power is out at home.  "OK, I'll be home soon to generate some electricity" did not garner the laughs I had hoped.  I think I am going to have to entertain the guests somehow.  I'm thinking scotch and closets.

You are supposed to be able to fix everything magically or at least sit around and provide bullshit "moral support" which seems to involve dropping anything you were doing, regardless of its importance.

I got to the meat of it after a couple more phone calls, and the executive summary is that she was trying to entertain the guests and wasn't able to adhere to her Plan without electricity, and she was bored and the boy was bothering her.  My assistance would have been to find the Play Doh, because I'm awesome.

Even better, the power hit fried my DirecTV box.  I took one of the other units and wired it up on the big TV, but I'm stuck with SD and that black Willard Scott keeps talking about how awesome the parade would be in HD.  Fucker.

[Strazos]

So why don't you have it raised a bit?

It would require suspension work (the car came to me like this, I wouldn't pay for it), and there's only 1 place I go to that even comes close to regularly, and the bumps there are low enough that I can negotiate them without scraping a pipe.

[stray]

I might kick off the new year by walking into a Sprint store and slicing throats. 

[WayAbvPar]

I tend to drive under the general assumption that everyone else is a fucking mouthbreathing retard that should never have been granted a license, and in my way. This was my unfortunate inheritance from my father (who drives way worse than I do).

 

We are two peas in a rage pod.

If people would just fucking GO, there wouldn't be traffic. Get the fuck out of the way already. My wife has decided that my son inherited my traffic patience. He is fine when we are going 40+, but when we slow down (or god forbid, stop), he starts crying. Daddy feels your pain, little man.

[Oban]

Wow, same with my son.  Anything under 40 and he starts to cry.

Anything under 20 and he starts to go berserk.

No clue where he gets it from.   /twiddlesthumbs

[voodoolily]

Did anyone talk about how the ShamWow guy is named Vince? And there's a new commercial for the SlapChop and Graty? Oh man, it's awesome.

"You're gonna love my nuts."

[WayAbvPar]

Speaking of commercials- if I see one more fucking Valkyrie ad, I am going on a rampage in a Scientology compound. WTF was the ad budget on that thing??

[Sky]

So far, I have come into contact with far too much urine and fecal matter.  The year is off to a shitty start.  Literally.

We had to halve the hours of our part-timers. One of them had a good line: She used to be a peon, now she's a shiton.

[Bunk]

more fuel for the fire, how about those aholes that hop over into the right lane (50 feet in front of the right lane ends must merge left sign) just so they can jump ahead a few cars.  These fucks are what guns were made for!

I have mastered the art of staying within 6 inches of the car in front of me in those line ups. Nothing is more satisfying than seeing one of those fuckers stranded at the end of the merge lane with no one letting them in.

My peev lately has been people who drive late in to dusk without headlights. Also, I really get pissy in drive-thru lineups when the guy in front of me places his order, but then only pulls up five feet (leaving eight feet between him and the car in front), leaving me to lean out my window and yell my order at the speaker box.

[voodoolily]

My peev lately has been people who drive late in to dusk without headlights.

omg, me too! Or people who refuse to turn their lights on when it's dark and rainy, just because it is technically still daytime. Fucking assholes.

[Sky]

I really get pissy in drive-thru lineups when the guy in front of me places his order, but then only pulls up five feet (leaving eight feet between him and the car in front), leaving me to lean out my window and yell my order at the speaker box.

"Yeah...sorry I have to yell, but this douchebag in front of me didn't pull up enough!!!"

Had a guy cut me off on lunch today, pulling out of a parking lot in front of me without signalling. Then glare at me. His gap-toothed rag whore glared at me, too. I smiled and waved.

We should probably just have a driving thread :P

[Nebu]

Everyone everywhere in the country drives badly.

Nearly 50% of drivers are below average. 

[Sky]

It's worse if you're a good driver. Kinda like how having a 150 IQ fills the world with a lot more dumb people. Or to put it into VL's term, almost everyone else on the road /is/ a mouth-breathing retard. Comparatively speaking.

[FatuousTwat]

I seriously cant wait for this fucking season to end. Now the library has flooded because no one noticed that the huge fucking pond right near by was filling pretty fast with the 24+ of driving rain we had.

[voodoolily]

I seriously cant wait for this fucking season to end. Now the library has flooded because no one noticed that the huge fucking pond right near by was filling pretty fast with the 24+ of driving rain we had.

Wetland development ftl.