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Author Topic: Useless Conversation  (Read 1479226 times)
Merusk
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Reply #36260 on: July 24, 2017, 02:01:31 PM

Thanks, but it's just done. I'm the one derailing this train because, well, I just can't do it anymore. She wants to blame her anxiety, depression, me being a bully, me being unwilling to work things out. A host of other things that really just come down to us repeating the same cycle for the last 10 years.

She spends, she hides it, I find out when collections finally calls me, we fight, I pay off the debits, things are good for 6-9 months, the cycle repeats. She's been unemployed for almost 2 years now just stringing jobs long enough for unemployment checks to roll in. All of this was broken but I found out she's hidden a conviction for misdemeanor theft on top of it, which is WHY she can't get a more stable job. I just got another collections call 2 months ago and I've drained half my retirement savings at this point.

I can't go down this hole anymore. I want off Mr. Bone's Wild Ride.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
Nebu
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Reply #36261 on: July 24, 2017, 02:04:06 PM

Merusk: The next year is going to be pretty rough, but hang in there.  You're going to find in a year or two that you're starting to feel like yourself again.  It's a great feeling. 

Take care.

"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."

-  Mark Twain
schild
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Reply #36262 on: July 24, 2017, 03:34:54 PM

Pros:
Should be an easy split, divorce doesn't seem like it'll be in her favor.
If you're not actually married, ayyyyyy, bullet dodged.
You realized she's crazy self-destructive.

Cons:
Dating these days sucks.
Samwise
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Reply #36263 on: July 24, 2017, 03:45:25 PM

What Nebu said.  Good on you for both doing above and beyond what was reasonable to try to make it work, and recognizing when it's time to GTFO.

"Nice attempted blast about my "drinking".  I do enjoy a nice cuppa, but that is because I am a bon vivant of gregarious nature and cheery disposition." - Ab
WayAbvPar
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Reply #36264 on: July 24, 2017, 05:17:04 PM

That sucks  Sad Panda

When speaking of the MMOG industry, the glass may be half full, but it's full of urine. HaemishM

Always wear clean underwear because you never know when a Tory Government is going to fuck you.- Ironwood

Who the hell taught you how to write? Fuck, that sentence is like internet transmitted face-attacking knives. Jesus. schild
Signe
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Muse.


Reply #36265 on: July 24, 2017, 05:28:19 PM

I'm so sorry, Merusk.  I hope everything goes well or, at least, as well as it can go.   Heart

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
Merusk
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Reply #36266 on: July 24, 2017, 06:43:48 PM

Thanks, all. It's appreciated greatly.

As per my INTJ nature; I'm apparently a heartless bastard who can't even show emotion or discuss things without being, "mean."  Also; assets v. debts lean to the debt side meaning nothing for her to move out on. Wheeeeeeeee.

This is going to be a fun ride.  why so serious?

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
RhyssaFireheart
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Reply #36267 on: July 24, 2017, 08:55:39 PM

Damn, sorry to hear it, Merusk. Sounds like you'll come out ahead but still hope the ride is smooth for you.

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Reply #36268 on: July 24, 2017, 08:58:17 PM

I'm apparently a heartless bastard who can't even show emotion or discuss things without being, "mean."  Also; assets v. debts lean to the debt side meaning nothing for her to move out on. Wheeeeeeeee.

That's alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll her. 100% of the time always projection from those who feel they're a victim regardless of circumstances.
calapine
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Reply #36269 on: July 25, 2017, 01:30:15 AM

Thanks, all. It's appreciated greatly.

As per my INTJ nature; I'm apparently a heartless bastard who can't even show emotion or discuss things without being, "mean."  Also; assets v. debts lean to the debt side meaning nothing for her to move out on. Wheeeeeeeee.

This is going to be a fun ride.  why so serious?

*hugs* For what it's worth it looks you are doing the right thing. She sounds rather manipulative (wether it intentional or or not).

Restoration is a perfectly valid school of magic!
calapine
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Reply #36270 on: July 25, 2017, 01:43:17 AM

Interview with a female CEO by the NY Times:

Quote
Hereís something I do: If youíre in the process of interviewing with us, Iíll text you about something at 9 p.m. or 11 a.m. on a Sunday just to see how fast youíll respond.

Whatís the right response time?

Within three hours. Itís not that Iím going to bug you all weekend if you work for me, but I want you to be responsive. I think about work all the time. Other people donít have to be working all the time, but I want people who are also always thinking.

https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/07/14/business/erika-nardini-barstool-sports-value-of-leading-10-percent-players.html?_r=0&referer=

She seems nice.

Restoration is a perfectly valid school of magic!
Samwise
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Reply #36271 on: July 25, 2017, 01:45:39 AM

Nice of her to clearly broadcast that she's a psycho before they accept an offer.   awesome, for real

"Nice attempted blast about my "drinking".  I do enjoy a nice cuppa, but that is because I am a bon vivant of gregarious nature and cheery disposition." - Ab
Merusk
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Reply #36272 on: July 25, 2017, 07:14:02 AM

I'm apparently a heartless bastard who can't even show emotion or discuss things without being, "mean."  Also; assets v. debts lean to the debt side meaning nothing for her to move out on. Wheeeeeeeee.

That's alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll her. 100% of the time always projection from those who feel they're a victim regardless of circumstances.

Oh yeah, I know that's 100% her. You're dead-on with the victim stuff, but I don't want to trash her. She's sick and I just don't want to be in that cloud anymore.

Cal: Thanks and yes, very manipulative and unaware of it. Something I've realized only over the last 3-4 years. I've never seen anyone use depression as both a crutch and bludgeon quite as skillfully without realizing it.

Nice of her to clearly broadcast that she's a psycho before they accept an offer.   awesome, for real

Yeah, really awesome that it also filters only those people who'd do that sort of thing into the job. Keep them away from the rest of us.
« Last Edit: July 25, 2017, 07:23:27 AM by Merusk »

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
Engels
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Reply #36273 on: July 25, 2017, 09:47:07 AM

Am I an asshole for wanting to actually congratulate Merusk on sorting this shit out and his new prospects on a better life without teh crezy?

I should get back to nature, too.  You know, like going to a shop for groceries instead of the computer.  Maybe a condo in the woods that doesn't even have a health club or restaurant attached.  Buy a car with only two cup holders or something.

-Signe

I LIKE being bounced around by Tonkors. - Lantyssa

"let go of my dick you mother fucker!"  - Jimbo
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Reply #36274 on: July 25, 2017, 09:57:21 AM

No, he's absolutely doing the right thing. This woman sounds like a nightmare. I have no condolences to give and if I knew his address I'd send cookies if I didn't think she'd steal them.
Hawkbit
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Reply #36275 on: July 25, 2017, 10:04:07 AM


Oh yeah, I know that's 100% her. You're dead-on with the victim stuff, but I don't want to trash her. She's sick and I just don't want to be in that cloud anymore.


That's seriously big of you to be that way. I think you're going to get through this okay if you're starting the process at this point. As many have said in the depression thread, don't be afraid to get help for yourself if you need to talk. I hope the process is as easy as it can be for you.

As an aside, I'm also INTJ, though kinesthetic learning. I wonder if that's a majority on f13?
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Reply #36276 on: July 25, 2017, 10:06:19 AM


Oh yeah, I know that's 100% her. You're dead-on with the victim stuff, but I don't want to trash her. She's sick and I just don't want to be in that cloud anymore.


That's seriously big of you to be that way. I think you're going to get through this okay if you're starting the process at this point. As many have said in the depression thread, don't be afraid to get help for yourself if you need to talk. I hope the process is as easy as it can be for you.

As an aside, I'm also INTJ, though kinesthetic learning. I wonder if that's a majority on f13?
Depending on the day I'm ENTP or ENTJ, but always one of those two.
MrHat
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Out of the frying pan, into the fire.


Reply #36277 on: July 25, 2017, 10:25:51 AM

I have no idea what those acroynms are.

Sorry for the shit situation Merusk - but to echo what others have said, you'll feel great about life in a year or so.
Samwise
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Reply #36278 on: July 25, 2017, 10:33:39 AM

As an aside, I'm also INTJ, though kinesthetic learning. I wonder if that's a majority on f13?

Yarp.  Occasionally INTP.

"Nice attempted blast about my "drinking".  I do enjoy a nice cuppa, but that is because I am a bon vivant of gregarious nature and cheery disposition." - Ab
Merusk
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Reply #36279 on: July 25, 2017, 10:44:03 AM

F13 will have a lot of NT types. I/ E and J/ P I can see us being split on.  Signe is probably the exception here.

I was professionally typed again recently and spent some time discussing so it's top of mind again.

Thanks again for the support all. Yes she was a challenge, but I'm loyal to a fault once committed. I need to learn to hold back at the start of things. At least I'm over the foolish white knight syndrome of my youth. Not all people can be saved and I'm not the one to save them, only the guy to plan it.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
calapine
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Reply #36280 on: July 25, 2017, 10:44:37 AM

I have no idea what those acroynms are.

Myer Briggs, see here:


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Sky
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Reply #36281 on: July 25, 2017, 11:12:02 AM

You're dead-on with the victim stuff, but I don't want to trash her. She's sick and I just don't want to be in that cloud anymore.

Cal: Thanks and yes, very manipulative and unaware of it. Something I've realized only over the last 3-4 years. I've never seen anyone use depression as both a crutch and bludgeon quite as skillfully without realizing it.

I wish I didn't understand these points quite so well...

Although I'm not without my own fun in the relationship, since I flip between all the Myers-Briggs types depending on the situation. The shrink would say it's adaptability from growing up with alcoholics and moving around a lot (so I was in different schools all the time). I drove a behavioral psychologist nuts at the last conference I went to. She said people as balanced as I am are wicked rare, like 3% of the population. I was like, yeah, no shit.

Sky
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Reply #36282 on: July 25, 2017, 11:14:41 AM

I'm loyal to a fault once committed. I need to learn to hold back at the start of things.
Ugh, yeah. This, too. Loyalty is probably my strongest trait. Great when it's great, but it's a bitch because it's easy to feel like I'm betraying people.

01101010
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Reply #36283 on: July 25, 2017, 11:48:28 AM

That Myer-Briggs shit sets my teeth on edge.

"I want to watch it all burn in an orgy of smashed Coke machines and weasel rape." - HaemishM
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Reply #36284 on: July 25, 2017, 11:51:24 AM

ENTP here, with bits of I&J. So pretty F13 standard for the Shoehorn Personality test.

Good luck Merusk, hope she gets the help she obviously needs.
Signe
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Reply #36285 on: July 25, 2017, 11:53:49 AM

I had never seen that chart before.  It's interesting but I'm uncomfortable when placed in a box.  Srsly.  It makes me feel very nervous like a worm trapped in a pigeon hole.  Having said that, I have placed some of you in little boxes but that's you and not me so... well, there you have it.  And I do have a hard list and a soft list.  But you don't that... well, you didn't.  At least you don't know who and what.  Shuddup!

I would support Merusk because he's my friend and, like you guys, I do feel loyalty to friends and family.  I'm also glad that even when he felt it was obvious that the relationship was doomed, he didn't cheat.  It's my opinion that it doesn't have to be sexual.  Emotional is even worse.  Nothing hurts more than finding out the person you love has moved on before you even found out there was a problem.  When my marriage broke up, I would have done anything to know what was happening WHILE it was happening and not at the point where there was nothing I could do.  Having your spouse/partner tell you that there's no hope and they are not willing to try counseling or anything at all can make you feel as if the entire relationship wasn't important.  Especially when the relationship has been very long and emotionally intimate up until that point.  

Anyway, it seems that you're doing all the right things, Merusk, and it sounds as if you tried your best.  I hope it doesn't turn mean.  That's the worst.  

PS  Sorry for talking around you.  I just noticed I did that!

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
Merusk
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Reply #36286 on: July 25, 2017, 12:16:41 PM

That Myer-Briggs shit sets my teeth on edge.

Just remember it's about how you process & approach things. Nobody's a robot it's just about preferences. We can all flip roles depending on how we need to act, it's just that some roles aren't our defaults and are really draining to enter.


You're good, Signe. That's you doing you. :D
The last bit is why I hung on for so long. We'd tried counseling, though, and nothing changed. Although I've been told we DIDN'T try beceause I only attended 4 sessions, since she wasn't working on things and needed to focus on herself... which also didn't happen.  So.. yah.

Wish I could say I hadn't moved on emotionally a while ago, though. I had and was just going through the motions for appearances. I stopped with "Love you, too" months ago and hadn't initiated the words longer than that.  It didn't seem fair or right and I was honest about it, at least.
« Last Edit: July 25, 2017, 12:20:45 PM by Merusk »

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
Khaldun
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Reply #36287 on: July 25, 2017, 12:35:08 PM

I flip between INTP and ENTP when I take it. As long as you treat it with a big grain of salt, it's just a good way to start a conversation with yourself about your own nature.

Sorry about the split. Some of that is familiar: I'm in a pretty tough patch of a lifelong relationship and secretive destructive behavior with money (not me) is one of the major issues. Frankly not sure what to do but I will keep thinking it through.
Reg
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Reply #36288 on: July 25, 2017, 01:31:40 PM

I had no idea what INTJ was so I googled it and came across this amazing little personality test. It described me pretty much perfectly as being an INTP.
Here's the link if you're curious.

https://www.16personalities.com/

If this site turns out to be garbage sorry in advance. :)
Ironwood
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Reply #36289 on: July 25, 2017, 01:39:52 PM

That Myer-Briggs shit sets my teeth on edge.

Yup.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Merusk
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Reply #36290 on: July 25, 2017, 01:46:31 PM

I had no idea what INTJ was so I googled it and came across this amazing little personality test. It described me pretty much perfectly as being an INTP.
Here's the link if you're curious.

https://www.16personalities.com/

If this site turns out to be garbage sorry in advance. :)

The sites are ok gauges but you really need to have someone certified to get a good read. There's two additional steps to a real typing, with groupings and descriptions.  And again, it's not a 'this is how you are' but more of a 'this is what you prefer.' 

Although I've always tested 100% I, & T (And 80% J)  that's apparently pretty uncommon. Both testers I've been through have commented on it.  awesome, for real

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
Reg
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Reply #36291 on: July 25, 2017, 01:54:52 PM

Oh yeah. I had no illusions that it was a full test. It's just that the small amount of information it gave me was eerily accurate.
MrHat
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Reply #36292 on: July 25, 2017, 02:13:11 PM

Neat, I hadn't seen that before.  I guess ISTJ.
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Reply #36293 on: July 25, 2017, 02:18:08 PM

That Myer-Briggs shit sets my teeth on edge.

Yup.


I remember reading some woman's dating profile a couple years ago who had "My Myers-Briggs is STFU"

I thought it was a pretty good description of the usefulness of it in most situations.

I had an employer that made you take a Myers-Briggs test when you got hired so they could put you in a neat little box.

'Reality' is the only word in the language that should always be used in quotes.
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Reply #36294 on: July 25, 2017, 02:53:40 PM

INT, P but waver to J sometimes. I hate people and wish they would leave me the hell alone.

When speaking of the MMOG industry, the glass may be half full, but it's full of urine. HaemishM

Always wear clean underwear because you never know when a Tory Government is going to fuck you.- Ironwood

Who the hell taught you how to write? Fuck, that sentence is like internet transmitted face-attacking knives. Jesus. schild
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