Fantasy Football Central

[Rasix]

Can Marcus Pollard score 11 points? That's a bet I would never, ever touch.  
 

Remind me to bet against you next time. ;)

Heh, when I said wouldn't touch, I meant exactly that.  It's really hard to predict how a TE like Pollard will play.  He likely won't get a lot of catches, but he's likely to get red zone opportunities.  

I came up 5 points short.  If Manning just hadn't forgotten that Wayne was on the team in the second half like he usually does, I could have gotten it.  Feast or famine players can be extremely frustrating.  Indications early on  were that Wayne would have a big game.. but nooooo..  

The problem with having Colt offensive players other than Peyton or Edge is that there's just too many weapons and it's really easy for one player to get overlooked or lost in the shuffle.  At times Peyton just seems to zero in on a player or the offense sees a weakness and just exploits the hell out of it.  Happened with Wayne v. Greenbay, Stokely at times this year, and TEs in the red zone in this game. Ohh well, valiant effort if a bit short.

[HaemishM]

In this week's episode of As f13 Turns, Marcus Pollard guest stars in the role of Haemish's daddy,

Marcus, you goatfucking bitch. I start you a few weeks ago, you go down with an injury. I need you to lay down like a good little tight end, you score two TD's.

WHAT... THE... FUCK.

[murdoc]

Not too often when your kicker PASSES FOR VICTORY. I lucked out this week as the abnormal score that Vinateri put up was the only reason I won.

[Rasix]

f13 league: Week 10 (pre MNF)

Nose Pickers 127.80    
The Groin Pulls 95.90    

Shockeye puts forth a decent performance but it's just not enough.  Lack of QB performance and offensive touchdowns offsets what was a decent amount of yardage gained all around.  

With 2 scores for me left to be decided at MNF, this one is over. Stat padding time!  Great performances by Peyton, Taylor, and Martin were enough to clinch this one early.  

Neither player left significant points on the bench.

Dean Martin's Liver 110.42    
Natty Bohs 42.74    
   
Way showed he can be a two man show even without Randy Moss! Culpepper the king of catchup put up gaudy numbers once again.  A crappy performance out of everyone else but his kicker (and defense to a point) nets a win.   I kick myself for not picking up Burleson when I could.  It's good to play an absentee doormat when you've got bye-city.  

Arc has arguably the worst team in the league and it showed (injuries haven't helped).  Hope nothing bad IRL is keeping him from managing his team (and posting here).


Pottsville Maroons 65.10        
The Murdoc Bandwagon 110.90    

Souk fails to address a couple holes in his lineup and leaves a decent amount of points on the bench (expected points though).  Murdoc gets another crazy number from Vinateri and everyone but the waste-of-human-DNA Stallworth produces.

McNabb's performance on Monday night will cushion this one a bit more.  If you look closely though, you can see the holes in the armor.  This team is beatable.  
   
Murg's Maulers 135.14     
McNair's Inebriates 91.36    
   
The Lineup-of-Doom once again destroys.  Solid performances out of everyone including eye poppers from Favre and Horn pave the way for the  Maulers.   Relatively poor play from glam's WRs and the late inactivation of Jones doomed him.

Again, nobody left anything significant on the bench.


Kilt Wavers 124.52
DrunksOnGrass 72.10    

Haem.. creaming someone? WHAAAA HAPPEN?  Muhsin Mohammed went JIHAD on the Niners.  Solid play out of The Bus, Brady and Walker helped. The Drunks get very little out of definitely-not-gay Garcia and wunderkid Williams.  Witten will try, but ultimately fail to score 52 points on MNF.  This is unless, Jesus really really hates Haem.

Ohhh, and... Zetlef leaves 56 points on the bench. /crotchkick
   
Roosters 75.76
Killer Koalas 110.98    

Isn't it nice when your reciever catches 1 ball for 2 yards?  Having to rely on the Arizona passing offense is INSANITY.   Gallo leaves some small, yet important points on the bench while his recievers are on the end of some unspectacular quarterbacking.

Koalas again are steady as a damn rock.  Mason, Barber and Crumpler forge the way while everyone else except Steve Christie comes out to play.  

So, can TO outscore the Philly defense by 36 points tonight? Ehh.. not likely, but it would be funny to see the Roosters pull off another MNF miracle.


Overall, not a very dramatic week.  MNF football is really just a game this week unless you plan on watching it with one eye towards the heavens. Solo fourth place is mine!  Managing my recieving corps is giving me fucking ulcers though.  I love having no clear cut #1 guy on my entire team.

No more byes from here on out.  Best foot forward from here on.  At least that will eradicate about 50% of the apathetic roster mismanagement.

[HaemishM]

Kilt Wavers 124.52
DrunksOnGrass 72.10    

Haem.. creaming someone? WHAAAA HAPPEN?  Muhsin Mohammed went JIHAD on the Niners.  Solid play out of The Bus, Brady and Walker helped. The Drunks get very little out of definitely-not-gay Garcia and wunderkid Williams.  Witten will try, but ultimately fail to score 52 points on MNF.  This is unless, Jesus really really hates Haem.

JIHAD!!!!! is screamed as the wheels on the bus go round and round. Fuck yeah.

It looks like I will win every game this week in all 4 leagues. It was a week without really any surprises for me; almost every game went like I thought it would except for the Seahawks laying an egg. How bad are the 49ers that they can't even beat a Panthers team with NO RUNNING BACKS? Pathetic. The Bears surprised me, but not by much. I expected A-Train to get something off of the Titans, and I expected KC to steamroll New Orleans. I hate the Saints; there is absolutely no way to know which team will show up this week.

[El Gallo]

Fat lady is singing for the Roosters.  I felt that my boys would be fired up with a chance to get back into playoff contention against the #1 team in the league, who came out a little flat.  Instead, every single player on my roster lays an egg.  Roethlisberger with 7 points, WTF THROW DEEP TO PLEXIGLASS AGAINST THE BROWNS, Moulds with 9, OK he was playing against NE, Pollard with 3, WTF, Fitzgerald with the BIG ONE FUCKING POINT I DON'T CARE WHO YOUR QB IS THAT SUCKS-YOU WERE A TOP 3 DRAFT PICK.  Disgraceful.  Hell, my high spot was Jamal Lewis pulling down 12.  The truly depressing thing is that I had no worthwhile bench performers.  At least the Steelers D came through.

I had high hopes for this team, but I just could not survive Jamal Lewis posting poor numbers when he wasn't being suspended and Steven Davis taking the season off because he is a giant wuss.

I still have faith that the Eagles win 77-70, with TO pulling down 11 TD's, and the Eagles D putting up big negative points for the KK's.

[WayAbvPar]

Ray Lewis on Terrell Owens

GodDAMN that is a funny website. Do yourself a favor and read some of the archives. It is basically The Onion does sports. Good stuff.

[HaemishM]

From that site:

November 10, 1991 – Bernie Kosar of the Cleveland Browns ends his NFL record of 308 passes without an interception. However, Kosar’s career-long streak of not being able to elude a single pass rush continued.

Pure genius.

[murdoc]

<3 the weekly wrap-ups, Rasix.

[El Gallo]

T.O.'s monster game last night just made that loss so much more painful.  If Roethlisberger and Fitz had put up even halfway decent numbers, that was a very winnable game.  C'est la vie.

[Rasix]

McNabb's performance on Monday night will cushion this one a bit more.  If you look closely though, you can see the holes in the armor.  This team is beatable.  
   

And did it cushion... nice monster games from McNabb, Owens and Witten there.   Of course, now I look like a total boob for saying the above.  Have I mentioned lately how much I dislike Adam Vinateri?

Here's a helpful fantasy hint for everyone.  If you've got a wide reciever playing against the Cowboys, START THEM.  That's one of the worst looking secondaries I've ever seen.  They make Indy look like Baltimore.

Edit: Except this week, they play Baltimore.

[Rasix]

What the hell is taking Yahoo so long to post the scores?  If it's showing up for anyone, PM me a copy/paste of the scores, please.

Edit: Scores up. Write up to come.

[MrHat]

McNabb's performance on Monday night will cushion this one a bit more.  If you look closely though, you can see the holes in the armor.  This team is beatable.  
   

And did it cushion... nice monster games from McNabb, Owens and Witten there.   Of course, now I look like a total boob for saying the above.  Have I mentioned lately how much I dislike Adam Vinateri?

Here's a helpful fantasy hint for everyone.  If you've got a wide reciever playing against the Cowboys, START THEM.  That's one of the worst looking secondaries I've ever seen.  They make Indy look like Baltimore.

Edit: Except this week, they play Baltimore.

I've taken to drafting players who play against SF.  Worked pretty well for me so far.

[Murgos]

I dont believe I scored 126 points yesterday and I'm probalby going to lose to the bandwagon tonight.

[HaemishM]

I made a monstrously good choice picking Indy's Defense back up this week. 32 points... YIPEEE KAI YAAY MOTHERFUCKER! Of course, against Chicago's O, that was a no-brainer. Even without Brady and Patten, I got this game sewn up, unless the Pats D can have a game like the Colts D did. Against KC, probably not.

Koalas got owned. If Murdoc's 3 KC players and Vinatieri can't pull of 42 points, it'll be a 3-way tie for first place.

[Rasix]

Nose Pickers  133.74    
Natty Bohs     79.00    

Thank you, Peyton, you are a rock. Thank you Reggie Wayne, you are still an enigma.  While I can't seem to win in a consistant manner, I roll on.  Well, unless Trent Green somehow throws around 6-7 touchdowns(well, NE's secondary is pretty horrible) and manages to keep Jonnie Morton out of the action.  This week, the running backs take a week off and Fred Taylor still doesn't know where the endzone is.  The monster fantasy player that is Jermaine Wiggins once again waddles to victory.  

Arc gets a ginomormous game from Westbrook and a good showing by the Denver D. However, when you've got a two deadweights bringing your team down (Conway, Mangum), it's hard to win.  Not a bad game out of Harrison either, but his star seems to be fading a bit (Peyton just has too many weapons).  

No team leaves sizable points on the bench.


Dean Martin's Liver  139.82
Killer Koalas             110.56    

The improbably asskickers light it up again.  Big games out of Driver, Chambers, Burleson, and a business as usual game for Culpepper pave the way with most other scores being pretty solid.  I dislike this team being at my heels.   The points potential once Moss comes back will be even scarier.

Koalas get steady, yet unspectacular play out everyone except Edge who made the esteemed Bears defense look like a bunch of Ivy leaguers trying to shut down a Big 12 rushing attack. Lack of offensive touchdowns really hurt the Koalas.  Relying on weak or erratic passing games may cause some problems later for the Koalas.

Koalas leave Alge's big game on the bench.  Not enough to make a difference, however.  

Pottsville Maroons  87.90
The Groin Pulls      41.36    

While this may look like a done deal, there's still a lot of football left to be played.  Can Givens, Graham, and Dillon make up the points. Probably, this is afterall the KC defense.  Shockeye gets nothing from studs Portis and Smith.  Bad offensive systems hurt fantasy owners.

Soukyan really needs to just get a quarterback to plug in some points. Anyone starting would have likely put this one a little farther out.  Bad games from Ward and Green (geeeemp) didn't help much.  Gates is a damn pimp.  

The possibly worst starting running back in the league, Davis,  rests on the bench with a big chunk of points: 22.  I'm not sure who's a worse pure runner, him or Barlow.  Both guys make Eddie George look like LT. McCardell's 16 rot in lala land for Shockeye.

Murg's Maulers                  126.52    
The Murdoc Bandwagon    85.68    
   
It's going to be rough watching MNF football for the Maulers.  While they put together a solid 126 points behind Droughns (I miss you buddy), McAllister the pass catching fiend, and steady games from everyone except the kicking and defense, it's not going to be enough.

The Bandwagon still has the core of the Chief's offense to come including points monsters Blaylock and Gonzales.  Lets not forget offensive juggernaut Adam Vinateri.  Big games from McNabb and Tampa Bay D pace the Bandwagon to this point.

Some small point upgrades left on the bench for the Maulers could have helped.

Kilt Wavers             108.80    
McNair's Inebriates  84.78    

This one's a done deal.  Patten and Brady plus 16 points will outpace NE's defense with ease. JIHAD, Indy's D (WTF) and solid play just about everywhere else propel Haem towards victory.

Holt had a good game for glamdring, but no one else did anything spectacular.  Marcus Robinson is useless.  Way to not Carpe Diem. Burleson will likely be the second target behind Moss once he returns.

Vick's points will likely go to waste, but not much else would have helped either team.  Nose Candy Robinson would have likely put up better numbers than "I'm not as good as people think I am" Robinson, but alas, he said yes to drugs.  Small TE improvement left on the bench for the Inebriates.
   

Roosters            81.72    
DrunksOnGrass    102.52    

It's somewhat sad when Michael Pittman is your main man.  Jamal "OUCH IT HURTS" Lewis, didn't do much. Neither did, Eric "Drew Bledsoe is my QB" Moulds.   TO didn't explode and Super Rookie really isn't a fantasy QB despite his winning ways.  Murphy's Law in full glory.

The Drunks don't exactly rock the house either.  23 combined point from Not Gay, Roy Williams, Witten (Baltimore hurts), and Grandfather Smith, didn't help.  Big games out of LT, Buffalo's D, and a solid game out of Lelie did.

Both players leave points on the bench.  Fitz's 22 were big, but not enough to turn the tide.  


Interesting week.  Defenses were big in many situations.  Two teams are going to cringe watching MNF football as their Ws turn into Ls (probably, don't quote me here).   Two teams I wanted to lose, both win big.  The race for spot 4 is on.   Sorry this took so long, I'm still getting used to tabbed browsing.

[El Gallo]

When I heard that the Bills scored 37 and the Ravens put up 30, I thought I was set with Moulds and Jamal.  Whoops.  It was nice of Larry Fitzgerald to finally produce some quality points the week I give up on his sorry ass and bench him.  But really, Jamal Lewis and Steven Davis jacked my season.  Everything else is just a rounding error.

Nothing like losing to the QB you cut a few weeks ago to really remind you that you have royally fucked up a fantasy football season.

[shiznitz]

I am 5-5 with the second highest point total in a 16 team head to head league. Sucks.

[murdoc]

Figures, I finally bench Stallworth and he explodes. It won't surprise me if keeping him on the bench makes the difference between a win and a loss this week.

[Rasix]

Ohh yah, I missed that one.  Funny, one week after I call him a waste.

[HaemishM]

The entire New Orleans Saints team is a waste. None of them produce consistent enough touchdowns to be worth anything.

[murdoc]

Whew. Glad I picked up Kennison this week!

[Rasix]

Bleh, fuck Kennison, he's stealing touchdowns from Morton.

I feel sorry for anyone that owns a Patriot reciever that isn't named Deion Branch.   Poor Givens and Patten are pretty much meat from now on.  (watch one of them explode next week now that I said that)

If I lose to Way next week, and I probably will, we have a 3 way tie for 4th.  4 way if Haem managed to pull off an upset.

[HaemishM]

Shit, if my ass beats Murdoc next week, I should be crowned champion.

BTW, I'm #1 at 10-1 in the Morlocks League. BOO-YAH!

[murdoc]

Vick and Walker could have potentially good games next week for you Haem.

Also, I'm heading to Seattle for the Seahawks vs. Bills game so I will have to have my  team set by Friday and I have the feeling the Chiefs aren't gonna say if Priest is in or out until after I have to finalise my rooster, which could help you quite a bit.

[WayAbvPar]

Vick and Walker could have potentially good games next week for you Haem.

Also, I'm heading to Seattle for the Seahawks vs. Bills game so I will have to have my  team set by Friday and I have the feeling the Chiefs aren't gonna say if Priest is in or out until after I have to finalise my rooster, which could help you quite a bit.

Enjoy. Seahawks Stadium aka Pisspoor Customer Service (Qwest) Field is pretty damned nice. It is a pretty steep hike to the top level seats, but the sight lines are good, there are tons of concessions, and (knock on wood) it has rained only once for a Seahawk game in the past 3 years, which is just short of a miracle.

[murdoc]

I got pretty groovy seats imo.

16 rows off the field, right at the front of the endzone.



That should be roughly what my view will be.

Been wanting to catch an NFL game live for YEARS, but it's harder to do that living up in the frozen north of Canada. Was pretty excited because I knew the NFC South was playing the NFC West this year, but my Bucs didn't make the journey out west unfortunately. Kinda wanted to see the Seahawks vs. Falcons game, but with it on January 2nd it was a difficult one for me to plan around.

Also been somewhat of a closet Bledsoe fan, so figured this game would be ok. It might even turn out to be a close game with Dilfer starting for Seattle and the Bills actually playing 1/2 decent.

[HaemishM]

NFL games are fun. Despite being only 2 1/2 hours from New Orleans, I've only been to one NFL game, when I was 8. And it was in the nosebleed section, during the Saints only non-losing season while Archie Manning was QB. They got whupped by the Dan Fouts' era Chargers 35-0.

[WayAbvPar]

For a semi-knowledgeable fan, live games are incredible- you can see so much more of the action it is unreal. You can see what defense is being run, what happens behind the play, etc. The only thing I hate is that it is tougher to get fantasy info when you need it =)

[Paelos]

For a semi-knowledgeable fan, live games are incredible- you can see so much more of the action it is unreal. You can see what defense is being run, what happens behind the play, etc. The only thing I hate is that it is tougher to get fantasy info when you need it =)

A Blackberry solves this problem usually.

[WayAbvPar]

I already tote my own cellphone, a company phone, and a company pager (don't ask...it is fucking stupid)- I am out of space for electronics =)

[Rasix]

Nose Pickers               120.74    
Dean Martin's Liver    86.40    

Why, must once again I have to sit through an unbearable MNF.  I know that I'm up by 35 points; I should be secure right?  Not when the outstanding points are by a Green Bay WR.  

Anyhow, way to be Peyton.  His 46 kept me going with decent contributions by Fred Taylor and David Akers.  The rest of the team just blew the goat.  Here's the telling stat: Peyton Manning: 6 touchdowns; Rest of the Offensive Starters: ZERO.  Useless slugs.

Way gets hurt by Brown missing the game with a sprained lower left eyelid.  Culpepper, Moss, Chambers and NYJ defense all contribute decent points.

Both teams leave significant points on the bench, with Way winning the "ahh fuck" award by having Jerry Porter's "I'm a free agent!" game on the bench.  Monday Night is going to give me ulcers.
   
Pottsville Maroons     64.90
Natty Bohs              161.02    

Souk:

quar·ter·back   Audio pronunciation of "quarterback" ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (kwôrtr-bk)
n. Football Abbr. QB

The backfield player whose position is behind the line of scrimmage and who usually calls the signals for the plays.

Wouldn't have likely mattered anyhow, even with Antonio Gates having another stellar game.  This guy would still score touchdowns with a 100lb weight attached to his ankle.  

Arc gets 3 gigantic performances from Harrison, Westbrook, and Rudi to lay an absolute pasting on the Maroons.

Soukyan leaves Davis's huge game once again on the bench.  Second week in a row this guy performed well after I call him a bad back.  Arc leaves huge Antonio Bryant points on the bench that don't matter one lick.  

161 points without a Tight End playing. Fuck.

Murg's Maulers          89.00    
The Groin Pulls     82.04    

Murg manages to roll on despite leaving a metric shitton of points on the bench. A good game out of "why didn't I choose you" Horn and some OK performance elsewhere leave this one as a lock with Favre's point still to come.

Shockeye gets decent games out of Dillon (when did this guy become such a goddamn badass?) and Carr, but lack of production elsewhere hurts.   A spoiler win would have been good here.

Kilt Wavers                      77.08
The Murdoc Bandwagon    106.66    

Vick finally lives up to his draft status! The Bus rumbles on! Everyone else takes the day off!  I don't think Javon Walker will outscore Isaac Bruce by 30 points, so Haem's likely to get a loss here (yay).

McNabb, Gonzales, Blaylock and Clayton all have solid gamesm for Murdoc. Kennison does shit.

No offense Haem, but how do you not start the hottest defense in football againt the fucking Lions? Their top reciever can't put on his shoe without screaming.  
   
Roosters                 82.44
McNair's Inebriates    76.06

Ugg, do I have to recap this one? The Rooster's get a huge game out of Pittman, the fumbling, rumbling machine.  Moulds also produces, but no one else does much.   Pollard does zippo and Gallo forgets to start a kicker.  

Glamdring gets decent points out of Brooks, Jones and New England.  Gets Sad Panda games out of Alexander and Williams (B-U-S-T).  With Longwell's and Holt's points to come, the Inebriates should pull this one out.  Last year's juggernaut loses again.

Some points were left on the bench for the Roosters. Glamdring leaves a McGahee's "who's this Henry guy" game on the bench.  Lot of points there, damn.

DrunksOnGrass         108.98    
Killer Koalas               113.90

Koalas once again get sickening steady points production.  15+ points on 5 players led by Mason's 22.  And Bolger's points are still to come. Bleh, this team is frightening; no weak holes.

Zetlef gets good games out of McNair and the incomprable LT but leaves a lot of significant big games on the bench.  Stokely's and Jones's big games sit there.  Pitty. Witten was almost invisible v. Chicago.


Playoff picture:

Provided Way, Haem, and Souk lose, I will have a 2 game lead on the 4th and final playoff spot with 2 games to go.  Games remaining: Koalas (ICK) and Pottsville (ok, you don't HAVE to get a QB).

I need to lose my final 2 and Haem/Way/Souk need to win out.  Souk and Way also play each other next week, so only one of them has a chance.  Way is the only one with a realistic chance given that Soukyan and Haem will have to make up around 200-300 points. In two weeks.  Way has a tough final game against Murg's Maulers.

Of course, if Driver has the game I fear he will, the above is meaningless and I need to win one game or Haem can win it (two creampuff games left).

The Bandwagon will likely remain the top seed with 2 easy games ahead.  Koalas and Maulers have a rougher road but will likely keep their spots.

[WayAbvPar]

Way gets hurt by Brown missing the game with a sprained lower left eyelid. Culpepper, Moss, Chambers and NYJ defense all contribute decent points.

That gimpy son of a bitch screwed me in 3 different leagues. I fucking hate Thanksgiving for football- you have to set your lineups too early to know who is going to play Sunday.

I also HATE HATE HATE head to head leagues. Invariably I have a high scoring team with a mediocre record due to the fact that my opponents always have their top score of the year against me. Next year, I am gonna set up a points race (maybe one that goes through the Superbowl, if that is possible). It is a far better indicator of which team is superior, IMHO.

Not that I am bitter.

[Zetleft]

I really pulled defeat from the jaws of victory this week.  Damn I am sucking in this league.  Oh well as long as I defeat Murdoc in the final game that's all that matters.

[HaemishM]

No offense Haem, but how do you not start the hottest defense in football againt the fucking Lions? Their top reciever can't put on his shoe without screaming.  

Don't think I'm not kicking my own ass for that one. Here was my thought process. Indy can't stop anyone, and Roy Williams is a good wideout, playing at home. Detroit hasn't turned the ball over a lot, which is where Indy has gotten it's D-fantasy points. Meanwhile, Cincy is playing FUCKING CLEVELAND, which can't find the endzone with a water dowser's wand, a map, and automatic weapons on their side. Cincy has sucked at run D, but has had a really opportunistic, turnover-happy D. Ergo, while Indy against Detroit wasn't a bad matchup, the Cincy-Cleveland matchup seemed much tastier.

Holy Fucking Shit. 106 FUCKING POINTS!

I mean, really, who the fuck saw that coming? Neither team has shown anywhere near this kind of offensive production. Cleveland has shown an inconsistent ability to stop the run, but neither side has been able to do much against the pass, or with the pass for that matter. I'm thinking this game is going to go 17-10, 17-6, Bengals win. Some really obscenely low score, lots of fumblestiltskins and INT's, with as many points on D as on O. HOW THE FUCK COULD THE FOOTBALL GODS PISS IN MY FACE LIKE THAT? It is inconcievable.

Yep, I laid on egg on that one. Went for what I thought would be the mad points and end up leaving the mad points on the fucking bench.

Oh and Way... please go to Seattle, walk up to Matt Hasselback and SLAP HIM IN THE FACE WITH YOUR DICK. What the fuck is wrong with that team? Darrell Jackson should be lighting up a team like Buffalo or at the very least able to catch a pass or two. How the fuck does Seattle's D allow Bledsoe... BLEDSOE FOR FUCK'S SAKE to put up 30-sumin' points?

Oh wait, that's right, they lost to Arizona and had trouble with Miami. Jesus jumped up on a stick.