Box office roundup

[Yegolev]

There's a man that just doesn't give a shit anymore.

[bhodi]

This past weekend, I thoroughly enjoyed El Espinazo del Diablo (The Devil's Backbone).  It is beautiful in pretty much every way you can think of.  Previously, we watched The Eye which was enjoyable and did that thing I love where you can see spooky shit in the background if you are paying attention.  I'm glad my wife got onto this foreign horror film kick, it's helping me like movies again.

The Eye, Juon, Haute Tension, The ring, alll excellent foeign movies.

[WindupAtheist]

Yeah, finally got around to doing another one of these.  This weekend saw the biggest opening ever, so I kinda had to.

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#1 - Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest, Week 1
Weekend gross: $132m
Theater count: 4133
Budget: $225m

Single largest weekend gross in the entire history of movies. Holy shit. Superman can consider himself bent over a barrel and raped in the ass, thank you very much. I wonder what they're paying Johnny Depp for this. Whatever it is, he's earned it. Sure he may never do box office like this again, but right now Harry Potter, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and everything else ever made can kiss his ass. His ass in particular, since nobody is going to see this for Orlando Bloom.

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#2 - Superman Returns, Week 2
Weekend gross: $21.8m (-58.4%)
Gross to date: $141.6m
Theater count: 4065
Budget: $260m

"You can't be more pleased." -- Some studio guy
"WRONG!!1!!!1" -- Lex Luthor

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#3 - The Devil Wears Prada, Week 2
Weekend gross: $15.6m (-43.3%)
Gross to date: $63.7m
Theater count: 2882 (+35)
Budget: $35m

A nice bit of counter-programming to the Superman/Pirate duel, and a solid credit to Meryl Streep's box-office record. If this movie didn't make another dollar, it would still be the fifth most successful of her lengthy career. In the long-term, only Lemony Snicket ($118m) and Kramer vs Kramer ($106m) are likely to keep ahead of it. And depending on what sort of legs this flick shows, even those two may not be safe.

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#4 - Click, Week 3
Weekend gross: $12m (-39.8%)
Gross to date: $105.9m
Theater count: 3458 (-306)
Budget: $82.5m

A remote control that controls REAL LIFE! OMG! Proof that an Adam Sandler movie will make money, even if it's written by a six-year old. Wait, that's every Adam Sandler movie. Oh well. In any case, the budget is a little high. Bad Hollywood.

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#5 - Cars, Week 5
Weekend gross: $10.3m (-29.1%)
Gross to date: $205.5m
Theater count: 3379 (-327)
Budget: $120m

I'll admit, when I first saw an image of this flick's anthropomorphic automobile protagonist, I thought it looked pretty lame. I thought this would be Pixar's first big stinker. Shows what I know. Considering Disney owns both Pixar and the Pirates franchise, this has been their summer.

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And the rest:

Rank - Title - weekend/total/budget - (snarky riposte)

#6 - Nacho Libre - 3.3/73.8/35 - (Looked like shit to me, but it did okay.)
#7 - The Lake House - 2.8/45.6/? - (Time-traveling mailbox? WTF?)
#8 - TF&TF: Tokyo Drift - 2.4/57.3/? - (Fucking stop with these already!)
#9 - Waist Deep - 1.8/19/? - (Nobody cares.)
#10 - The Breakup - 1.6/114.3/52 - (I wish Jennifer Aniston would touch my pee-pee.)

[Engels]

How could you forget A Scanner Darkly! Or is that not being released nationally, and only in metropolitan areas?

[WindupAtheist]

By request...

#17 - A Scanner Darkly, Week 1
Weekend gross: $0.4m
Theater count: 17
Budget: Unknown

Limited release obviously, but it boasts a $24k per-theater average, which is second only to the $32k average of Pirates.  For sake of comparison, the average for Superman this week was only about $5k.

[WayAbvPar]

I would probably see The Devil Wears Prada if so directed by my wife; it looks reasonably amusing (and Anne Hathaway is kinda hawt). I was looking forward to Cars until I heard about the heavy involvement of numerous NASCAR folks. HATE HATE HATE. Pirates was good; will probably wait to to see Superman on On Demand.

[HaemishM]

will probably wait to to see Superman on On Demand.

You really shouldn't. It's got some pretty good big-screen effects moments.

[WayAbvPar]

will probably wait to to see Superman on On Demand.

You really shouldn't. It's got some pretty good big-screen effects moments.

Bah. Now I have to leave my house again. Bastard!

[Llava]

There's a man that just doesn't give a shit anymore.

Well, he was just hospitalized for a blood vessel bursting.  I think it might have been in his head.  And that might explain those ratings.

[raydeen]

I thought we had a Snakes on a Plane thread, but I couldn't find it.

http://www.henryjenkins.org/2006/06/the_snakes_on_a_plane_phenomen.html

Lotsa funny "inspirational" posters there. Thought this would amuse you guys

[tazelbain]

That may actually be a fair fight if you gave Cthulhu the Sword of Grey Skull and the One Ring.

[Strazos]

[Ironwood]

That's disgusting.

[WindupAtheist]

RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE!  Numbers from Mojo as always.

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#1 - Gridiron Gang, Week 1
Weekend gross:  $14.4m
Theater count:  3504
Budget:  $30m

I think Rock has realized nobody wants him to be another Schwarzenegger, and so he's experimenting with this "acting" thing.  From what I hear, he's not bad at it.  Still, I'd love to see him in something grim and bloody, along the lines of the first Conan flick.

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#2 - The Black Dahlia, Week 1
Weekend gross:  $10m
Theater count:  2226
Budget:  $50m

If you're going to spend fifty million dollars making a forties period piece, don't cast Josh "Nothing I'm in makes money!" Hartnett as the lead and then skimp on the publicity.  I had to check IMDB just to see what the hell this movie was about.  Speaking of the database, users on there don't seem to like it much either, giving it a 5.7 average rating.

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#3 - Everyone's Hero, Week 1
Weekend gross:  $6m
Theater count:  2896
Budget:  Unknown

Apparently Christopher Reeve was working on this at the time of his death.  By all accounts it's a big smelly piece of animated crap, with Whoopie Goldberg as a talking baseball bat.  Or something.  I saw an advertisement somewhere, and it looked really unappealing.  I don't know what it cost, but it's safe to say they won't be making it back anytime soon.

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#4 - The Covenant, Week 2
Weekend gross:  $4.7m (-46%)
Total gross:  $15.8m
Theater count:  2681  (+0)
Budget:  $20m

Given the marketing and general vibe of this movie, I initially thought it was some sort of Underworld spinoff.  Instead it's The Craft, but with boys.  Nevertheless, like the Underworld flicks, this movie benefits from a very modest production budget.  It's not doing boffo business, but it'll end up in the books as a profitable venture.

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#5 - The Last Kiss, Week 1
Weekend gross:  $4.6m
Theater count:  1357
Budget:  $20m

Some generic shitty drama about... people... who are confused... about their lives... or something.  Date movie fodder, I guess.  Anyway, twenty million isn't a huge budget, but opening fifth on a soft weekend like this (and being edged out by the second weekend of The Craft With Boys) is pretty miserable.

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And the rest of the Top Ten:

Rank - Title - Weekend/Total/Budget - (Comment)

#6 - Invincible - 4.1/51/? - (Marky Mark football movie, has actually made money.)
#7 - The Illusionist - 3.6/23/16.5 - (Who doesn't like Edward Norton?)
#8 - Little Miss Sunshine - 3.3/46/8 - (Small budget for the win!)
#9 - Hollywoodland - 2.7/10.5/? - (Who doesn't like Ben Affleck?  Oh yeah, everyone.)
#10 - Crank - 2.6/24.3/12 - (Small budget for a somewhat lesser win!)

[stray]

The "Rock", I mean, Dwayne Johnson (I saw a recent ad with him advertised as that), was actually funny in Be Cool (note: I did not like Be Cool itself).

Arnold needs to retire from politics asap and do one last Conan flick (without Dwayne Johnson in it). Conan the King. Preferably grey and bearded (the way he looked before the closing credits of Conan the Barbarian).

I'm interested in the Affleck movie actually. As I've mentioned before, I'm a sucker for "lonely guy" movies, and George Reeves led an extremely sad life. Sounds perfect.

The Covenant has 2% on Rotten Tomatoes.

[WindupAtheist]

From EW.com's Greg Kirschling:

The Bad Male Witch taunts the Good Male Witch by asking, ''How 'bout I make you my wee-yotch?'' Seriously, Renny Harlin: What are you doing?

Lawl.

[Paelos]

The Covenant has been ripped to shreds by any competant movie reviewer. On top of that, the other 95% of reviewers also think it's complete shit.

[Merusk]

I think Rock has realized nobody wants him to be another Schwarzenegger, and so he's experimenting with this "acting" thing.  From what I hear, he's not bad at it. 

This is a good thing, IMO. The Rock was always too smart to be the big dumb action guy.  Something about his intelligence always came through.   If there were more movies with characters like the one he played in "The Rundown" then he'd be set.  Unfortunatly, there aren't.. and when there are the whole isn't as good as the parts.

If you're going to spend fifty million dollars making a forties period piece, don't cast Josh "Nothing I'm in makes money!" Hartnett as the lead and then skimp on the publicity.  I had to check IMDB just to see what the hell this movie was about.

You had to check the IMDB to see what a movie about the most famous Hollywood murder was about?  Then again, your complaint about the lack of publicity already told me you and I have vastly different viewing realities.  I couldn't escape the fucking Black Dhalia ads from the last few weeks. They must've blown the whole budget on the Learning channel/ History Channel ads. (Then again, did I actually see it on History Channel? I forget now.)

The movie looked crappy anyway.

Given the marketing and general vibe of this movie, I initially thought it was some sort of Underworld spinoff.  Instead it's The Craft, but with boys.

Really?  The first time the wife and I saw an ad she said "So, it's 'The Craft', but with boys?"  It looked like it was trying REALLY HARD to not be completly horrible.  Which of course means it's got to suck more ass than a desparate camwhore.


It occours to me I haven't seen an ad for or heard of any of the other movies  aside from Invincible.  Wow, late summer sucks.  Hm... amend that.. this whole year has sucked.

[stray]

This is a good thing, IMO. The Rock was always too smart to be the big dumb action guy.

Heh, it definitely takes a genius to come up something like the "People's Elbow" as his finishing move.

Seriously. That's some funny shit.

[Margalis]

I saw a poster for The Covenant when I was in NY 6 weeks ago or so and the first thing I said was "is that a WB show?"

[murdoc]

Just wanted to throwing in here that I really liked 'Crank' (currently numero 10 at the box office). Silly premise, but insanely fun movie and well worth seeing on the big screen imo

[Velorath]

The Covenant has been ripped to shreds by any competant movie reviewer. On top of that, the other 95% of reviewers also think it's complete shit.

I'm currently working at a movie theater, and part of my job is to watch the movies after I've built them up to make sure nothing got spliced together wrong and nothing got scratched.  Anyhow, I checked out the Covenant and what is more or less an average movie degenerates into a complete pile of shit during the last fight scene where two characters proceed to throw Hadokens at each other for probably around 10 minutes.  The shit looked more like Street Fighter II than the fucking Street Fighter movie.

Just took my dad today to see Crank.  If you expect to see logic or believeable characters in movies, this isn't for you.  The fact that police can't catch a guy after he's driven his car through a mall and crashed it, or how little the main character's girlfriend seems to be bothered when she finds out he kills people for a living (and some other scenes between them I won't ruin for anyone that hasn't seen it), might drive some viewers nuts if they try to take the movie too seriously.  It has some pretty fucking funny moments though and worth seeing if you just want to enjoy some over-the-top shit.

[stray]

I'd prefer if Jason Statham just went away. He's phony even by an actor's standards.

[HaemishM]

Do not talk bad about Turkish, bitch.

Crank is like the Transporter movies. Do NOT take it as high art, but as fun bubblegum. I want to see it because I like Statham, despite the shitty shit shit shit agent who keeps casting him in movies that really are beneath him.

[Strazos]

It also has Amy Smart.

[Ironwood]

A Dungeon Siege Tale ?

What.  The.  Fuck.

[HaemishM]

Exactly. Statham should be beating his agent about the head with a large black rubber dildo. It's like his agent is that cunt agent from Extras.

[Ironwood]

Tell me, are they going to distribute mice to the audience to really simulate the real feel of Dungeon Seige ?  In order to progress the film you have to click the mouse again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and

[MrHat]

I loved Crank, will be buying it when it hits DVD.  It's a fantastic action film.

[Raging Turtle]

For anyone who likes dark comedies, Little Miss Sunshine is required viewing.  Really damn good.   

[WayAbvPar]

Ok, I will ask the burning question that is on everyone's mind- how close to naked does Scarlett Johansson get in The Black Dahlia? I need to know whether to fast forward through it when it hits cable or not.

[WindupAtheist]

This is a good thing, IMO. The Rock was always too smart to be the big dumb action guy.  Something about his intelligence always came through.   If there were more movies with characters like the one he played in "The Rundown" then he'd be set.  Unfortunatly, there aren't.. and when there are the whole isn't as good as the parts.

I can't help feeling that Rock hasn't really been put to proper use yet.  He has charisma, physical presence, and apparently even some ability to act.  He ought to be huge.  He just hasn't had the right part yet.

You had to check the IMDB to see what a movie about the most famous Hollywood murder was about?

Dude, the most famous murder to ever take place in forties Hollywood doesn't even come close to registering on my "give a shit" scale.

Then again, your complaint about the lack of publicity already told me you and I have vastly different viewing realities.  I couldn't escape the fucking Black Dhalia ads from the last few weeks. They must've blown the whole budget on the Learning channel/ History Channel ads. (Then again, did I actually see it on History Channel? I forget now.)

I don't exactly do painstaking marketing research for these little writeups.  I don't even watch that much TV.  But if 8 out of 10 movies have managed to reach me in some way, I conclude that the remaining 2 whose names I've never heard before must be underpromoted.

Really?  The first time the wife and I saw an ad she said "So, it's 'The Craft', but with boys?"  It looked like it was trying REALLY HARD to not be completly horrible.  Which of course means it's got to suck more ass than a desparate camwhore.

I'll admit, my impression of this movie came from a couple of really vague television ads that I wasn't paying the utmost attention to.  Couldn't really tell what it was about, the look of it just gave me an Underworld vibe.  Looking at IMDB as I type this though, Covenant and Underworld DO share the same production company and a couple of producers.  Go me.

[Roac]

This is a good thing, IMO. The Rock was always too smart to be the big dumb action guy.  Something about his intelligence always came through.

I agree.  Rock looks it, in a way that 'Ahnuld' doesn't even though I don't think he's an idiot either.  Either way, it will turn out better for him if he tries to break away from the action hero stereotype (and not by doing Kindergarden Cop 2).  It doesn't look like any upcomming movies of his will do that for him though, so I think he's going to continue to be used below his real ability.  Didn't the other Rock (Chris) just do a movie about this, but with more laughs?  Eh.

Then again, your complaint about the lack of publicity already told me you and I have vastly different viewing realities.  I couldn't escape the fucking Black Dhalia ads from the last few weeks. They must've blown the whole budget on the Learning channel/ History Channel ads.

Yes.  I'm really, really, really tired of that commercial.  For that many slots, they could've at least put together more versions of it, or spread it across other channels.  Or quit showing it. 

The first time the wife and I saw an ad she said "So, it's 'The Craft', but with boys?"  It looked like it was trying REALLY HARD to not be completly horrible. 

Yes again.  The effects look way, WAY overdone.  Blatantly obvious they're going for the teen market.

Overall, your reality makes more sense than WUAs.

[Riggswolfe]

You had to check the IMDB to see what a movie about the most famous Hollywood murder was about?

Dude, the most famous murder to ever take place in forties Hollywood doesn't even come close to registering on my "give a shit" scale.

Dude, it's the most famous Hollywood murder probably ever. I mean, the girl was cut in half for Christ's sake. I've known about it for over a decade and I'm not much into reading about true crimes and such.

[Yegolev]

But what about Johansson?