Box office roundup

[WindupAtheist]

I used to do this every week at another site.  I quit during the post-holiday dead zone, when there was nothing worth writing about, but now I've picked it up again.  Since I've already typed it all out, I may as well paste it here.  Numbers from boxofficemojo.

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#1 - Ice Age: The Meltdown, Week 1
Weekend gross: $68m
Budget: $80m

Fox reminds Dreamworks and Disney/Pixar that feature animation is a three-way fight.  Seems well-liked by viewers, and clocks in at a brisk 90 minutes, perfect for taking the kids to.

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#2 - Inside Man, Week 2
Weekend gross: $15.4m (-46.7%)
Gross to date: $52.5m
Budget: $45m

See Spike?  White people are perectly willing to go to your movies when you make one that doesn't look like it sucks ass.  Having Denzel Washington and Jodie Foster on hand didn't hurt, of course.

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#3 - ATL, Week 1
Weekend gross: $11.5m
Budget: Not available

Okay, I've never heard of this before.  But it stars two guys named TI and Big Boi, and the flash ad at the top of Mojo says something about music, so I'm guessing it's about rap.  I wonder if the Spike/Denzel tag team stole away the black audience and hurt this movie more than expected.

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#4 - Failure to Launch, Week 4
Weekend gross: $6.4m (-38.2)
Gross to date: $73m
Budget: $50m

Yes, it's making money.  Yes, it has legs.  But am I the only one who thinks Sarah Jessica Parker has a face like a donkey?  And that Matthew McConaughey is wasting himself on crap like this?  I want to see MM in full-on Reign of Fire fucking lunatic mode, playing John Rambo in a book-authentic remake of First Blood.  Forget that soggy Stallone shit and those horrible sequels, the book was the grim and dark tale of a crazy-ass  man who terrorizes a small town because he doesn't know what else to do with himself.  In the end, good old Colonel Trautmann blows Rambo's fucking brains out with a shotgun because he knows the poor man is just too screwed up to live.  Now that's a fucking movie.

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#5 - V for Vendetta, Week 3
Weekend gross: $6.3m (-49%)
Gross to date: $56m
Budget: $54m

M for Moderate Success via Reasonable Budget.  This is going to poop out well shy of $100m, but since the studio didn't go fucking apeshit with the budget, everyone is sitting pretty.  Compare this to one of my past whipping boys, the Orlando Bloom drama Elizabethtown, which cost $57m despite a total lack of explosions.  (And only made $26m total anyway.)

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#6 - Stay Alive, Week 2
Weekend gross: $4.5m (-58%)
Gross to date: $17.2m
Budget: Not available

You die in the game, you die for REAL!  ZOMG!  Trash-horror like this always turns a profit because it's so damned cheap to make.  Still, this is no Saw in terms of box office.  Anemic.  Friend of mine saw it and said it didn't totally suck, but he'll watch anything.

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#7 - She's The Man, Week 3
Weekend gross: $4.4m (-39.3%)
Gross to date: $26.6m
Budget: $20m

Okay, what the fuck?  Is this the 19th century?  Is anyone really supposed to believe that a pretty young girl could pass for a boy just by cutting her hair short and putting on jeans?  Hello assholes, I see girls with short hair and jeans every god damned day, and I don't think they're male!  (Hillary Swank did a better job than most in Boys Don't Cry, but even so, not really convincing.)  I have seen a few women that could pass for men this way, true, but they'll never get put into a movie.  Anyway, it's making decent money for a little fluff comedy like this.

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#8 - Slither, Week 1
Weekend gross: $3.8m
Budget: $15m

Another relatively cheap horror flick, this one about zombies or some shit.  But based on the name, people will think it's about snakes, and everyone knows snakes go on planes.  Not with zombies.  This one actually cost a just a little bit of money to make, and thus won't even turn a trash-horror profit.

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#9 - The Shaggy Dog, Week 4
Weekend gross: $3.2m (-64.1%)
Gross to date: $53.5m
Budget: Not available

Recipe for misanthropy:  Next time a film you love crashes and burns at the box office, remember that a movie about Tim Allen turning into a dog made fifty million dollars.

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#10 - Basic Instinct 2, Week 1
Weekend gross: $3.2m
Budget: Not available

Nobody wants to see Sharon Stone's pussy now that she's sixty.

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#11 - Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Week 2
Weekend gross: $3.1m (-54.4%)
Gross to date: $11.4m
Budget: Not available

Git 'er done?  FUCK YOU DIE DIE DIE FAT FUCK MAKING ME DUMBER WITH EACH BREATH!  MOVIE FAIL!  HA!

[schild]

You post about movies at another site? They allow you there? Is this a joke? Was there a Star Wars trailer before one of these movies or something? Black is white. Up is down. Everything is wrong right now.

Edit: Ironically, I don't mind anybody posting the box office roundup. I'm just shocked. SHOCKED... that it was you.

[Ironwood]

I liked it.

[WayAbvPar]

But am I the only one who thinks Sarah Jessica Parker has a face like a donkey?

No sir, you certainly are not. I am surprised she hasn't sued the Democratic Party for using her likeness.

I liked the Roundup as well. I wish I wasn't so old and full of hate and loathing for the general populace to go to the movies often.

[Daeven]

I laughed, I cried, I wondered why anyone would go to any of these films at current prices.

*sighs*

I must be getting old, because most movies just don't seem worth it any more.

[Furiously]

I liked it. But where is the comparison to UO?

[UD_Delt]

But am I the only one who thinks Sarah Jessica Parker has a face like a donkey?

No sir, you certainly are not. I am surprised she hasn't sued the Democratic Party for using her likeness.

I liked the Roundup as well. I wish I wasn't so old and full of hate and loathing for the general populace to go to the movies often.

She looks like Shannon Sharpe.

http://cbs.sportsline.com/cbssports/team/ssharpe

http://www.imdb.com/gallery/granitz/4568/Events/4568/SarahJessi_Count_8149900_400.jpg?path=pgallery&path_key=Parker,%20Sarah%20Jessica

[shiznitz]

An enjoyable 28 seconds of forum browsing. Thanks.

[Llava]

Additional positive feedback.  By all means, keep it up.

Thank god Larry the Cable Guy is failing.  Hope we never hear from him again.  We will, but I hope we don't.

[Hoax]

Yeah something like this is nice, lets me pat myself on the back for not watching all this trash (actually I saw V but I thought it was decent and that was the first movie I've seen since Jarhead so fuck you Hollywood).

[dusematic]

Wait, when did WUA come back?  My life has meaning again.

[schild]

Wait, when did WUA come back? My life has meaning again.

Welcome back, flaky.

[dusematic]

My Mom says I have a lot of personality.

[WindupAtheist]

I have no idea who you are.

[Johny Cee]

Wait, when did WUA come back?  My life has meaning again.

Dagon bless his noodly appendage.

He hath given us WUA and Mediocre.

[dusematic]

I have no idea who you are.

That's how you know it's real.

[Shockeye]

The wife and I saw "Thank You For Smoking" last night. Entertaining. Katie Holmes is useless. She had some mouth herpes thing going on in one part of the movie. Someone should put her out to pasture.

[Signe]

OMGWTF!!!!  I liked it, too.  I still think WUA is Ray, though.  Anyway....  I LOVED that other Ice Age movie and that's what I would go see if I were ever inclined to go to a crowded, smelly, sticky theatre filled with smelly, sticky children.  I'll absolutely buy it on DVD.  The first one made me giggle the entire time.  (granted, I was stoned) 

PS WUA isn't in the spell checker thingy

[WindupAtheist]

Who is Ray?

And anyway, everyone knows that I'm Schild's own personal Tyler Durden.  He gets a headache and passes out, and when he wakes up suddenly there are a bunch of posts on how UO and Star Wars rule.  Even he doesn't realize what he's doing.

[dusematic]

Everything you do is magic.

[Llava]

And anyway, everyone knows that I'm Schild's own personal Tyler Durden.  He gets a headache and passes out, and when he wakes up suddenly there are a bunch of posts on how UO and Star Wars rule.

Like a mystery condom in the toilet.

[WindupAtheist]

The fresh numbers are up on boxofficemojo, so here we go again.  The top ten, plus a special addition for the sake of sheer sadism.

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#1 - Ice Age: The Meltdown, Week 2
Weekend gross: $34.5m (-49.3%)
Gross to date: $116.4m
Screen count: 3969 (+5)
Budget: $80m

Easily held the lead against middling competition.  The 50% dropoff isn't bad, but isn't great either.  And holy shit, look at that screen count.

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#2 - The Benchwarmers, Week 1
Weekend gross: $20.5m
Screen count: 3274
Budget: $33m

Rob Schneider was an ordinary derpty-derp, when one day, derpa derp!  And now, derpty-derpty derpa doo!  Anyway, yeah him and David Spade.  Not a bad opening, really.  It's as much as Deuce Bigalow 2 made in it's entire run.  If it has any legs, it should end up pretty profitable.

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#3 - Take the Lead, Week 1
Weekend gross: $12.8m
Screen count: 3009
Budget: Not available

Antonio Banderas in a "hip-hop ballroom drama"?  WTF?  Who's greenlighting this shit?  I don't know how much they spent making this, but getting owned by Rob Schneider on a roughly equal number of screens has to hurt.  I don't expect this to have much stamina, either, since anyone who does give a shit probably saw it on the opening weekend.  (See ATL at #7.)

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#4 - Inside Man, Week 3
Weekend gross: $9.1m (-40.6%)
Gross to date: $66m
Screen count: 2867 (+37)
Budget: $45m

Still doing almost ten million and hanging around the top five in it's third week, this one is showing a little staying power.  As far as thrillers go, I'll admit that I'm pleased to see Spike Lee and Denzel Washington beat the shit out of the much-hyped V for Vendetta and those douchetastic Wachowskis.

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#5 - Lucky Number Slevin, Week 1
Weekend gross: $7.1m
Screen count: 1984
Budget: Not available

It has Bruce Willis and Morgan Freeman, but it stars Josh Hartnett?  Huh?  Way to go, cockfags.  Why do they keep putting this guy in movies?  They paired him up with Harrison Ford in... whatever the hell that one movie was called, and that tanked too.  If you can't make money in movies with Ford and Willis, you can't make fucking money.  Seriously, he was okay in that bodysnatcher-wannabe movie where they killed Jon Stewart, but that was a shitty teen horror flick and came out a million years ago anyway.

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#6 - Failure to Launch, Week 5
Weekend gross: $4.1m (-36.5%)
Gross to date: $79.1m
Screen count: 2616 (-458)
Budget $50m

Sarah Jessica Moose-face and Naked Bongo Boy, bla bla bla.  It's showing good legs, but damned if I feel like writing about it anymore.

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#7 - ATL, Week 2
Weekend gross: $3.7m (-67.5%)
Gross to date: $17.2m
Screen count: 1602
Budget: Not available

Look at that drop-off.  That's what I'm talking about when I say a limited-appeal movie is going to crash in it's second weekend.  Anyway, this will dick a little over twenty million.  If that isn't signifigantly more than the budget for a flick like this, then someone needs to be shot for wasting money.

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#8 - V for Vendetta, Week 4
Weekend gross: $3.3m (-46.5%)
Gross to date: $62.2m
Screen count: 2003 (-907)
Budget: $54m

I hate this movie more the longer I think about it.  Those franchise-wrecking plagarist assclown Wachowskis spew forth what looks like another pretentious pile of crap, get a whole lot of press, and then get owned in the face by Inside Man.  Ha.

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#9 - Phat Girlz, Week 1
Weekend gross: $3.1m
Screen count: 1056
Budget: Not Available

Who gives a shit?

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#10 - Thank You for Smoking, Week 4
Weekend gross: $2.4m (+49.4%)
Gross to date: $6.2m
Screen count: 300 (+174)
Budget: Not available

One of those smaller movies that starts with limited release and creeps upward, rather than making a splash upon opening and then fading.  The per-screen average is okay, but not stunning.  If we assume 10x screens would have equaled 10x gross (unlikely) then it would have bumped Benchwarmers down to #3 this week.  Meh.

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Special Bonus Sadism Entry!

#16 - Basic Instinct 2, Week 2
Weekend gross: $1m (-68.8%)
Gross to date: $5.2m
Screen count: 1453
Budget: Not available

Anatomy of a bomb.  I'm going to track this one just to see how quickly the theaters start dumping it.  It's going to shed a lot of screens next week.

[HaemishM]

#2 - The Benchwarmers, Week 1
Weekend gross: $20.5m
Screen count: 3274
Budget: $33m

Rob Schneider was an ordinary derpty-derp, when one day, derpa derp!  And now, derpty-derpty derpa doo!  Anyway, yeah him and David Spade.  Not a bad opening, really.  It's as much as Deuce Bigalow 2 made in it's entire run.  If it has any legs, it should end up pretty profitable.

How the fuck does a sandlot baseball movie starring Deuce Bigalow and Joe Dirt cost $33 million to make? What did they spend it on, hookers and blow? Union workers? If that isn't the height of Hollywood Excess, I don't know what is.

And Basic Instinky 2 made $5.2 million in two weeks? I'm sure Sharon Stone's stretched out vagina cost more than that.

[Shockeye]

#2 - The Benchwarmers, Week 1
Weekend gross: $20.5m
Screen count: 3274
Budget: $33m

Rob Schneider was an ordinary derpty-derp, when one day, derpa derp!  And now, derpty-derpty derpa doo!  Anyway, yeah him and David Spade.  Not a bad opening, really.  It's as much as Deuce Bigalow 2 made in it's entire run.  If it has any legs, it should end up pretty profitable.

First of all, you just aren't funny. Secondly, The Benchwarmers didn't screen in advance for critics so it's doubtful word of mouth will carry this movie beyond the first weekend.

[schild]

Never thought I'd see Shockeye stick up for the Napoleon Dynamite guy.

Edit: And Haem, they spent the money on advertising. Who needs advance screening when advertising is running 24/7 on every channel including Oxygen?

[HaemishM]

They wasted their money.

[tazelbain]

Finally saw Napoleon Dynamite.  Not to bad on its own and in the context of anti-brat pack, pretty damn funny.

[Llava]

I was in the theater to see V For Vendetta when the initial, really long trailer/making of for Benchwarmers came on.  Behind me were a bunch of teenaged guys, probably 16-19.

With each predictable, dumbass joke, these guys would start laughing this brutally retarded sounding laugh, and going "Oh man, this is gonna be soooo good!"

I honestly thought they were being sarcastic- just trying to poke fun at what was obviously going to be Every Shitty Schneider/Spade Comedy Movie Ever, but by the end of the preview, I wasn't sure anymore.  Were they serious?  Were they watching someone get hit in the nuts with a baseball and thinking to themselves, "Finally, a movie that has the sort of thing I, as a teen in American society, want to see." while furiously masturbating?

It's really troubled me, over the past few weeks.

Fuck, the most original joke in the entire preview was the bit where Jon Heder burns his hand on the hot potato.  Hilarious.

[HaemishM]

The hot potato joke was funny. The rest? Not.

[WindupAtheist]

First of all, you just aren't funny.

Don't read the thread then?  I don't expect that every single person on f13 or the other site will enjoy my rambling.

Secondly, The Benchwarmers didn't screen in advance for critics so it's doubtful word of mouth will carry this movie beyond the first weekend.

Word of mouth is created by viewers, not critics.  If it does no more than double it's opening weekend over the course of it's entire run, it will still be doing pretty well for these guys.  Dickie Roberts and Joe Dirt only made $20m and $27m total, respectively.  Deuce Bigalow 2 did $22m, and The Hot Chick did $35m.  If this ends up at $40m it will be fine.  Of course, as Haemish pointed out, the budget was rather high.

[Shockeye]

Word of mouth is created by viewers, not critics.

When a movie doesn't screen in advance for critics it is usually because the movie is putrid shit. Word of mouth from the viewers would then back up the fact the movie is putrid shit. Thank you for playing.

[schild]

Word of mouth is created by viewers, not critics.

When a movie doesn't screen in advance for critics it is usually because the movie is putrid shit. Word of mouth from the viewers would then back up the fact the movie is putrid shit. Thank you for playing.

It's a Rob Schneider movie, who cares? He had a momentary bout with funny in Deuce Bigalow and the rest of the shit he's touched has Not Been Funny. Critic screenings would have been a waste of money.

[Signe]

I just found out that Rob Schneider is NOT the bloke from The Superboy Show.  And THEN I found out that the guy from The Superboy Show is the same guy from The Dukes of Hazzard tv show!  Someone should write a book....

[Morfiend]

I like seeing the numbers, but I dont agree with a lot of your opinions.

Also, I liked you better as pissed off WUN, spewing hate and vitriol.

[Bunk]

First of all, you just aren't funny.

Don't read the thread then?  I don't expect that every single person on f13 or the other site will enjoy my rambling.

Secondly, The Benchwarmers didn't screen in advance for critics so it's doubtful word of mouth will carry this movie beyond the first weekend.

Word of mouth is created by viewers, not critics.  If it does no more than double it's opening weekend over the course of it's entire run, it will still be doing pretty well for these guys.  Dickie Roberts and Joe Dirt only made $20m and $27m total, respectively.  Deuce Bigalow 2 did $22m, and The Hot Chick did $35m.  If this ends up at $40m it will be fine.  Of course, as Haemish pointed out, the budget was rather high.

Either way, the whole movie was probably bankrolled on Adam Sandler's pocket change, so I doubt they care how much it makes anyways.