Me, Myself, and My Right Hand: A Theory of Celluloid and Collegiate Sex

[HaemishM]

Let me put it this way:

If I don't like what I'm banging, then why should I bother with the hassle at all.

Again, to echo what schild says, if you have standards, you really aren't that desperate for sex. The guys who go out to bars and ARE getting laid? They start the night with standards, and as each hour that passes to last call lowers those standards until what's left in the bar meets whatever standards they have left. If all you want is sex with a woman, not much else should matter. But then, if your standards have dropped that far, you've got a lot bigger problems than not getting any tail.

And yes, Paelos, we are jaded dicks, how nice of you to notice. That doesn't make our observations any less relevant though.

People lie to themselves all the time. sidereal said it best in his review of House of Sand and Fog.

everyone believes that they are a hero in their own narrative

That's why people lie to themselves. Not a lot of people can face up to even their minor flaws, much less their major ones. Not everyone can look themselves in the mirror and say "The only reason I'm here is to plow this chick's field." They lie to themselves because humanity is generally lazy, and don't want to see their flaws because they might have to make the effort to change.

[OcellotJenkins]

Can we please discuss the creepiness of greenlighting.

I would, but your greenlighting link doesn't work for me and I'm too lazy to google it right now.

[Furiously]

hmm - it appears down.

Basically. You wear a green shirt with the collar up, to signify you will sleep with whoever puts it down. Doesnt matter who, doesnt matter when.

[Evangolis]

Greenlight link seems screwed for me too.  Here is what you can get outside the subscription on the Rainbow/Lipstick link:

     
Truth or Dare
by Kara Jesella

Beware the teenage girl at the drugstore counter holding a fistful of cosmetics: She just might be the nymphomaniacal, self-esteem-challenged hostess of a rainbow party, those now-infamous group gatherings in which girls, each wearing a different shade of lipstick, give guys blowjobs, leaving a multicolored party favor on their respective penises. Oprah Winfrey introduced the concept to uninitiated adults on an episode that also defined "hoovering," "booty calls" and "salad tossing." On another special designed to enlighten clueless parents, Katie Couric proclaimed that "for several years, we've been hearing mind-bending stories of rampant oral sex among teens. "
Now there's Paul Ruditis' young-adult novel Rainbow Party, a self-described "cautionary tale." Judging from the reviews on Amazon.com, scores of parents seem to agree with "Sane" from Spokane, Washington, who wrote, "A parent who buys this for a child should be jailed." Then there's the dad who says he doesn't want his two sons "giving or getting oral sex when they're teenagers. Or ever, for that matter."

 I never get invited to the good parties, bt at least my old man isn't so great an ass as to wish for me to never have oral sex.

[HaemishM]

What kind of sick, twisted bastard doesn't want his son to get a hummer ever in his life?

[Roac]

hmm - it appears down.

Basically. You wear a green shirt with the collar up, to signify you will sleep with whoever puts it down. Doesnt matter who, doesnt matter when.

Hoax.

[Furiously]

Phew - now I can go back to wearing my green collared polos again.

[WayAbvPar]

I am very old and very bitter at all the action these high school punks are getting. My outrage is mitigated somewhat by the fact that they have to wear ridiculously oversized trousers to fit in, however.

[SuperPopTart]

When I was growing up all we had was Spin the Bottle.

Sheesh. Youth of the 2000's. What will we do with them.

[Signe]

Can we please discuss the creepiness of greenlighting.

Or maybe Rainbow/lipstick parties Note - this link may not be a workplace appropriate place to visit. No pictures, but subject matter.

Oprah Winfrey introduced the concept to uninitiated adults on an episode that also defined "hoovering," "booty calls" and "salad tossing."

I had no idea she was this cool!  (No idea what hoovering is and I forget what salad tossing means... buggery, I think.  I won't google, though.  It always seems to bring me to places I don't want to be, these days)

PS  Don't worry, PopTart... these sorts of things aren't limited to kids, anymore.  Oprah has made it ok for adults to have kinky sex now, too!  Woo hoo!

[stray]

I am very old and very bitter at all the action these high school punks are getting. My outrage is mitigated somewhat by the fact that they have to wear ridiculously oversized trousers to fit in, however.

I'm getting close to "old and bitter", but this stuff was happening in my highschool days too (early 90's).

My generation would probably have to take the blame for ridiculously oversized trousers as well.

[Merusk]

I had no idea she was this cool!  (No idea what hoovering is and I forget what salad tossing means... buggery, I think.  I won't google, though.  It always seems to bring me to places I don't want to be, these days)

Salad-tossing is Oral-Anal, with or without 'dressing'.   Chris Rock does a wonderful comedy bit about it.

[Strazos]

But who will take the blame for the trend of people wearing white t-shirts that go down to the knees?

It's like they're wearing a damn dress...I just want to strangle the kids with their own oversized shirts.

[NowhereMan]

And what's all this about men growing their hair long and smoking pot? It's an outrage I say! Outrage!!11!1!!!

[OcellotJenkins]

[stray]

I look ill in green (and I mean that in a bad way).

[voodoolily]

Sigh. Late as usual. DayDreamer, I once deflowered a Croatian Reed College student solely because I found out he was a physics major. Slutty girls who bang smart boys exist, and they don't all have diseases (nerdy boys don't seem to spread 'em the way the rest of y'all). Those days are behind me, of course, but take heart. FYI - hippie girls almost always put out, as long as you can get past the armpit hair and stench of nag champa. And they usually have comfy futons.

Salad-tossing is Oral-Anal, with or without 'dressing'. Chris Rock does a wonderful comedy bit about it.

I prefer syrup.

[Strazos]

Sigh. Late as usual. DayDreamer, I once deflowered a Croatian Reed College student solely because I found out he was a physics major. Slutty girls who bang smart boys exist, and they don't all have diseases (nerdy boys don't seem to spread 'em the way the rest of y'all).

I call bullshit.

Not on whether or not you did what you say, but on the existance of

Slutty girls who bang smart boys .. and don't all have diseases

[voodoolily]

SPT, Signe, Voodoo, you want to back me up on that?  (At least one of them will be sarcastic and say that they love the fratboy douches, but now that I've pointed that out they might not.  What will you do now? Sarcasm=PWNED.)

I hate teh frat boys. Viciously. Date rape, anyone? I'm so biased, in fact, that when my bar hired a new guy who looked like a fratty meathead, I was automatically quite rude to him and even tipped poorly (which is unheard of for me, as I spent 4 years working in service). When I found out he was just a Muscle Mary we actually became friends.

Q: How many frat boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Frat boys don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in puddles of vomit.

Call all the bullshit you want, Strazos. Shows like the OC are making it chic to be a geeky boy, and girls are catching on quickly. Of course, it doesn't hurt to be as cute as Adam Brody, but whatevs. Hell, I even thought the Jewish kid on the Wonder Years (Paul) was hot when I was a kid. Maybe my love of nerdy boys is in my DNA or something.

[stray]

Geekyboys/Fratboys. Just two different ends of the spectrum of negativity imo.

[Daydreamer]

And why do we continue to drop billions of dollars on movies and books and outtings each year, as consumers, reassuring ourselves of these pretty little lies?

The purpose of entertainment/fiction seems to really escape you, doesn't it?

No, that much I understand, hell thats why I play video games mostly, though I would prefer few more stories with a slightly greater basis in reality.  I meant it more along the lines of why do we immitate these archtypes in public as well as idolize them in private?  Why do we lie to each other to make ourselves out to be sexier and more desired than we are?  Is there really nothing more to it than fear of seeing our own flaws?

Though this whole thread has been a study in unintended side-effects, in that I foresaw exactly none of this when I wrote the original rant, and both my previous attempts and clarification and redirection seem to have done more harm than good.  Serves me right for writing while under the influence I suppose.

[voodoolily]

Geekyboys/Fratboys. Just two different ends of the spectrum of negativity imo.

Don't worry, Stray. Punky skater boys will always get the poonaynay. You don't hafta hate.

[Strazos]

Shows like the OC

Ugh...shows like that make me physically ill.

I've never watched the OC. Fuck network TV (mostly).

[Yegolev]

My generation would probably have to take the blame for ridiculously oversized trousers as well.

I can't throw stones at another generation when it comes to bad pants:

[voodoolily]

I've never watched the OC.

Bold mine. Hasn't going to Europe taught you anything? Don't knock it if you ain't tried it.

[Strazos]

I know what the premise is, and it's the same angsty teen drama BS I've disliked for...years I guess.

Law and Order on TNT, ftw.

[SuperPopTart]

{Looks back on previous umpteen number of years in school]

My mileage varies...by a lot.

Maybe it's my school, but it's the generic fratboy douches getting all the attention, at least in my experience.

Then chances are there's at least one girl in one of your classes waiting for you to approach her.

I've been in a relationship for nearly 5 years now.  We originally met in high school, since she was friends the brother of a girl I was dating.  Basically, we were introduced, and that was that.  We spoke once or twice after that (she asked me if I had seen someone around, wasn't a conversation or anything).

First day of college I noticed she was in a class of mine.  As soon as class was over, I went to talk to her.  I sat by her the next day and continued talking with her.  Over the course of about a month and a half, we became friends and went out to a couple things.  I asked her out a few times and she said "No(t yet)."  One night in early October the two of us went to a haunted house, and I took her to a park when we were done there.  I asked her out again and she finally agreed.  Our 5th year will be October 6th, she's moving in with me in about a month and 11 days.

If I hadn't grown the balls to walk up to her and initiate conversation, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have sought me out (even though she did apparently have a crush on me since high school, and when she asked me where someone was it was just an excuse to talk to me).

If you've got your eye on someone, and you don't know if she has a boyfriend, find out and approach her.  Sometimes you can get them to come to you, sometimes not.  Most people are actually quite decent and will try to reject you gently if they're not interested.  There's not much to be nervous about, at the very least you get to put some curiosities to rest.

And believe me, there are plenty of girls who loathe the generic fratboy douches.

SPT, Signe, Voodoo, you want to back me up on that?  (At least one of them will be sarcastic and say that they love the fratboy douches, but now that I've pointed that out they might not.  What will you do now? Sarcasm=PWNED.)

Fratboys make me physically ill. It goes back to when I was 16. My best friend who yes, was in a Frat at UCONN told me about this award called the "Blue Harpoon". Basically it was an award that went to the frat boy that "harpooned" the ugliest, fattest girl on campus. I just shook my head, hit him over the head with a book and sighed sadly for his pathetic soul that would be eaten alive by demons upon his death.

I'd take geekboy over fratboy any day.

Progression..

Frat Boy......Beer Gut....Tire Salesman

Geek Boy....MIT.....No Beer Gut....Engineer

Ladies - Have your standards.

[Strazos]

I like me some sunglasses too.

I love the blue GA's I bought in Florence.

[NowhereMan]

I meant it more along the lines of why do we immitate these archtypes in public as well as idolize them in private?  Why do we lie to each other to make ourselves out to be sexier and more desired than we are?  Is there really nothing more to it than fear of seeing our own flaws?

My response to this is that these public archetypes are more a product of how people think life should be. I guess it comes down to whether you think it's a case of life imitating art or art imitating life. Personally I think it's the latter and that teen movies are the products of how people wish their lives could be. Whether we had these movies where the geek bangs the hot chick and the nasty frat boys get nothing but their right hand, people would still be wandering around wishing their life was like this and probably lying to others to convince them it is.

Off course that's all on topic, I'll add that I need to get a new watch and I don't understand how people do without watches. I can use my mobile phone to tell the time but it just doesn't feel right having to get it out of my pocket everytime I need to know what the time is.

[Daydreamer]

If single celled life forms are your thing, I'd adivse you to keep things hot and steamy, with long walks around the petri dish.

[Strazos]

I've seen something like 20 states in the US, from urban to rural, and perhaps the funniest thing in all my travels was the fact that I saw the most foakley glasses and folex watches inside our nations capital, surrounding the major museums and parks and monuments.  In fact I think I still have a pair somewhere around here....

This is a regular occurance in Italy....these Nigerian (or whatever) guys will be lining the streets, trying to sell tons of fake designer goods. Stringing them along, making them think you're going to buy something, makes for a few laughs.

[Signe]

Ok, now you lot are just talking bollocks.

[MrHat]

I've seen something like 20 states in the US, from urban to rural, and perhaps the funniest thing in all my travels was the fact that I saw the most foakley glasses and folex watches inside our nations capital, surrounding the major museums and parks and monuments.  In fact I think I still have a pair somewhere around here....

This is a regular occurance in Italy....these Nigerian (or whatever) guys will be lining the streets, trying to sell tons of fake designer goods. Stringing them along, making them think you're going to buy something, makes for a few laughs.

Also makes for some good prices.

"Hey lady, Gucci, Prada, I make you good price."

My fiancee got a few bags from those guys by the Uffizi.

[SuperPopTart]

If single celled life forms are your thing, I'd adivse you to keep things hot and steamy, with long walks around the petri dish.

Weren't we just giving YOU advice on how to make things hot and steamy?

Sheesh. What a difference a day makes.

[Paelos]

Speaking as a guy who used to be in a fraternity (and not a Christian one if that's what you are thinking, I was one of two in the place) most of the crap you hear like the "awards" or "naked hazing" is bullshit. It's made up by other fraternities to either ruin other guys reps, or to make a joke. We don't bang fat chicks as a joke, we don't put fingers up each others asses, and I can say I have zero desire to see pledges doing anything naked.

That's not to say they don't bang anything in sight because they are hornballs. That much is fairly accurate. However, lets not judge all books on the covers.