Me, Myself, and My Right Hand: A Theory of Celluloid and Collegiate Sex

[SuperPopTart]

A. What's a butterface please.

B. Where the hell is your confidence Daydreamer?

A. Already answered.

B. I'm assuming it died in high school. I sure as hell know mine did, probably.

Though for me, "lack of confidence" is often confused with "lack of aggression."

One word Straz:

Amsterdam!

;-)

[Strazos]

Unfortunately, photography/recording is not allowed within "those" parts of the RLD, else I would have a few sizeable videos to sell...

[Shockeye]

We should probably set up a Paypal donation box for a Real Doll for Daydreamer.

[Furiously]

I'd suggest looking for a meaningful relationship. I'm guessing you are doing something wrong. For some pointers on how to act around members of the opposite sex, you might want to watch Hitch. I think his advice is fairly good, be engaging, interesting and interested. Plus - being in love is an awesome feeling.

[schild]

From what I read, Daydreamer doesn't want love. He wants poon.

Which a woman can sense 5 miles away.

[Xanthippe]

Though for me, "lack of confidence" is often confused with "lack of aggression."

Try this line:  "Wanna fuck?"

Just cuts to the chase.  Won't work 19 out of 20 times for men.  Will work 19 out of 20 times for women.

[Obligatory warning: you probably don't want to fuck the 1 out of 20 that says yes.  But maybe you actually do.]

[stray]

I'd suggest looking for a meaningful relationship. I'm guessing you are doing something wrong. For some pointers on how to act around members of the opposite sex, you might want to watch Hitch. I think his advice is fairly good, be engaging, interesting and interested. Plus - being in love is an awesome feeling.

Even if it is good advice, I find it hilarious that you suggest him yet another Hollywood take on the whole thing  :-D

I guess my only advice is:

Turn off the fucking TV.

Go out and have some fun. Even if you don't get what you want "right away", just do it anyways. It's good for you.

Don't be such a dick.

[Signe]

It would do you all good to remember:  Fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round!

Oh and Strazos... Please to shuddup, already.  You're no great shakes.  Stop sounding like you have a queue of supermodels just gagging for your manhood. 

Other than that, you're still forgiven.

And whatnot.

[Pococurante]

Nothing wrong with late bloomers.  Take up scuba diving, join a dive club, take lots of cheap crazy $300 weekend vacations.  At the same time stay out of the bars, get involved in your community, and keep your kitchen and your underwear clean.  Stay busy and don't let moss grow on your toes.  Trust me do all this and you'll soon have more happiness than you'll know what to do with.

[Furiously]

Course you won't be able to hear anything.

[OcellotJenkins]

Sounds like the booze consumption was way too low during the past four years.

[Pococurante]

Try this line:  "Wanna fuck?"

I always thought that was the most bullshit thing.  This bud of mine back in the pre-aids days had it work for him at least one out of four, but he was a cut dude with that kind of smile.  I needled him mercilessly and he called me on it.  Worked that first time I tried.  Sweet!

The next time I got slapped.  And the next time I had to run for my car with three guys chasing after me.  I still can't hear "Uneasy Rider" with a chuckle a glance over my shoulder.  "an' when I did all that hair fell out from underneath"

Ah youth.

[Strazos]

Oh and Strazos... Please to shuddup, already.  You're no great shakes.  Stop sounding like you have a queue of supermodels just gagging for your manhood. 

Quiet you, I make no such claims.

Other than that, nice going on the Queen reference.

[SuperPopTart]

Oh and Strazos... Please to shuddup, already.  You're no great shakes.  Stop sounding like you have a queue of supermodels just gagging for your manhood. 

Quiet you, I make no such claims.

Other than that, nice going on the Queen reference.

The queue of supermodels are all paid. Amsterdam.

[shiznitz]

Butterface - smokin' hot body, face that'll scare small children.

As a way of further explanantion, it comes from the phrase "she has a really hot body but her face..."

[NowhereMan]

Or what we over here call a BoBFoCW or "bobfock"

Body off Baywatch, Face off Crime Watch.

Add: or, "a paper bag job." I hang out with classy people.

[Strazos]

The queue of supermodels are all paid. Amsterdam.

I challenge you to find reciepts or witnesses.

[CmdrSlack]

The queue of supermodels are all paid. Amsterdam.

I challenge you to find reciepts or witnesses.

It depends how you define "is"........

[Samwise]

If have a schedule that demands you go from class to class to class then drive off to your job, and you never go to any parties, yeah you're not going to meet anyone and college will be a miserable, miserable experience.

It wasn't THAT bad....   

[HaemishM]

And the one unifying theme between all of the aspects of my life that I have examined is that none of them have lived up to my expectations. 

I'll tell you a secret, that may nontheless end up a platitude.

Get used to it. As someone who never got laid in college either, and who has lived longer than you, I can safely say that very few things in my life have ever turned out the way I expected them to. VERY VERY FEW. So few as to be statistical anamolies. Life doesn't happen the way you plan it, daydream it or see it portrayed elsewhere.

Teen comedy movies? They should change the name of that genre to geek fantasies. That's all they are. The people who have enough "talent" to write movies for Hollywood were too geeky in high school and college to get laid, thus these are wish fulfillment stories. Go into them expecting smaltzy, ribald stupidity that bears little to no resemblence to reality and you'll be entertained. As wish fulfillment fantasies, these movies are supposed to tell you that things will work out like you expect, and if they don't, they'll be better than you expected.

That is almost never the case. You know what you should strive for in your life? To even things out. Hope that for all the bad shit that comes along, including not getting laid, there will be some good shit to counterbalance it. The scales won't always be perfectly even, but cherish the moments when it tips to the good, and survive the moments it goes tits up.

[Strazos]

I think my scales are broken.

[Ironwood]

You're probably too fucking fat.

[HaemishM]

I've read the rest of the thread now. Some mean motherfuckers in here. Let me join the crowd.

I see the problem. You want poon, but you don't just want poon, you want poon with the right person. Unacceptable. You'll never get poon that way, nor will you meet the right person. Finding the two together is not going to happen when you are looking for both, it's lightning in a bottle. Pick one or the other, because if you manage to get one, the other MAY come along. Or it may not.

Choose a goal. Do you want some trim, or do you want to be with the right person? If it's just trim you are after, the right person shouldn't matter, because obviously the right hand has served well enough so far, just about anything is an upgrade. ++ points if she happens to be generous with the head-giving. If said trollop isn't the right person once you're done, you've only spent the money for whatever date you were on, and the trip to the clinic afterwards. If she is the right person, double plus gud. Now, if you just try to find the right person without worrying about the poon, your right hand will get plenty more work, and you'll be picking a lot of flowers, because the right person doesn't often think you are her right person.

So again, set your priorities. Poon or person? If the former, being picky means playing solo. If the latter, being picky is a good long-term reward waiting to happen, with a lot of short term work for the fist brigade.

Also, wear rubbers and don't do drugs. Unless the poon is hammered too.

Not doing things on campus means your dating pool is shrunk by about 99%, and your opportunities for impromptu date to big production special meeting to ask for a date ratio is going to be really shitty.

[Fargull]

If you breathe and walk upright convinced of your own self worth women find that unbelievably attractive. The one thing we don't do well is deal with men that pity themselves for their lack of a social life. A great smile never hurts either.

SPT hits the nail on the head.  Be confident, have fun, and talk.  Overall though, just be social, even if it is so painful it makes you want to pull your teeth out.

[Llava]

I had a lot written here but decided I didn't want to post it all because, for the most part, I'm just agreeing with what's already been said.

It's easy to let yourself sink into the mire of sexless despair.  Don't.  You don't have to be super-social, but make yourself open to conversation if someone tries to start one.  Be confident.  Stazos, you're still in school so it's easier for you.  Talk in your classes, but only when you really know what you're talking about.  Make points.  Be smart.  Eventually, you will be approached.  It's probably not as easy as going to bars and parties etc, but it's better than slipping into a class and slipping out without saying a word or ever being noticed by anyone.

Being a geek makes it tough, I know.  Admit it or not, somewhere inside we all at least partially believe the crap we've heard all our lives about girls not wanting geeks.  It's bullshit.  It really, really is.  You just need to find the right kind of girl, and they're NOT that rare, and they're not necessarily geeks themselves.

You have to ignore the self doubt and be confident.  Walk upright, like you're proud.  Speak with conviction on things that you know.  Listen intelligently and ask questions on things that you don't know (but don't ask stupid questions just to make yourself apparent- ask questions from a different point of view).

Be confident and you will attract women.  It makes a huge difference.  So you're not getting laid- so what?  Is it that important?  Hell, it's not like you've really TRIED to get laid recently.  Stop worrying about it, start being confident, and you'll find the opportunities will come to you.

Platitude or not, it's the truth.

[Daydreamer]

Mostly good posts all around, even if a bit on the harsh side. Espeically Strazos, Signe and Haemish - thanks guys.  And the second girlfriend I mentioned in the rant I am still seeing, so no dating tips needed.  Thanks though.

I stated at the outset I was trying to writing about Hollywood being further is off base than most realize, but looking back on the rant now that I'm sober and well rested, it strikes me that I went a little off topic talking about myself.  For that I apologize. 

The main thing I was trying, and apparently failing to get at, was that it seems like eveyone around me was lying their ass off to make their lives seem more like the movies that they wish they were - the guys exagerating their experiences and chances, and when they go out with a girl they let their mate's imaginations run wild by not contradicting their overinflated imaginations.  The girls, seemed instead to exagerate any emotional investment in their relationships through physical proximity and much girl-talk.  As if every guy could be The One, and as if to say to their friends that "Hey, this guy feels something for me".  I think I was trying to say that, even if eveyrone knows on some level how fake hollywood is, most of the people I know were activly lying to themselves and others because they still want their trials and tribulations to end happily, even though the real world doesn't work that way.  And because of this detachment from reality, everything to do with romance at college has adopted an almost bizzarro world quality to it, as people try ot make it into something its not, myself included.

So what I want your opinion on is this - despite education and supposedly knowing better, how many college students still try to twist their lives into a Howards Huges Feature Film?  I'm guessing most of them.

[stray]

"Kids are stupid"?

Oh wait, adults are too.

[EDIT] If you're trying to make sense out of it, then don't. "People are just desperate" is the simple answer, I think.

In the meantime, just try to be sincere yourself....It'll eventually pay off. [EDIT] Very close to "platitude" territory maybe....Apologies.

[HaemishM]

There were women I met at college, attractive, intelligent women, who really did not belong there at an institution of learning for one reason alone. They went to college to find a husband. That's it. All their major, their interest in whatever, was bullshit, even if they didn't want to admit it to themselves. They were there to find a husband. You'll see that a lot.

[Strazos]

Strazos, you're still in school so it's easier for you.  Talk in your classes, but only when you really know what you're talking about.  Make points.  Be smart.  Eventually, you will be approached.  It's probably not as easy as going to bars and parties etc, but it's better than slipping into a class and slipping out without saying a word or ever being noticed by anyone.

{Looks back on previous umpteen number of years in school]

My mileage varies...by a lot.

Maybe it's my school, but it's the generic fratboy douches getting all the attention, at least in my experience.

[Pococurante]

So what I want your opinion on is this - despite education and supposedly knowing better, how many college students still try to twist their lives into a Howards Huges Feature Film?  I'm guessing most of them.

Dunno.   Don't care really.  I dropped out of pop culture a long time ago.  For those that haven't figured life out yet, it's not my lace to tell and I'm not burning brain cycles worrying about it.

I live at a completely different pace than most people.  I do my time at the job, spend my later afternoon/evening outdoors working in my berry arbor, managing my trees, helping the family with the animals.  Then after I tuck the kids in, get a bottle of fine red wine, and game until I'm tired and go fall into bed with the wife who's just finished puttering with her hobbies.  We talk, nuzzle, <none of your business> then the next morning we get up and do it all over again.

I've never been happier, I've never felt more in touch with myself and the world around me.  I don't watch a lot of TV, just a couple of shows.  It's often a year before we see the latest blockbuster, usually just before they slip off the big screen.

There is no happiness in pop culture.  That's not its point after all.  Pop is about selling the shiny, about manufactured cool and artificial knowledge.

We in this community know all about the bait and switch of the shiny.

[NowhereMan]

Well Daydreamer after that bit of clarification you're post is 110% less angsty and so shouldn'tgarner as much of teh #hate as I originally thought it deserved.

But yeah, people are stupid and/or desperate, they'll lie to make their lives seem better. Hell I don't know if it's Hollywood so much as most men want their male friends to think that if they're going out with a woman they're hitting that and women just like to think that they're in a relationship for the emotional stuff (spineless clarification: I'm sure some men are hitting that and plenty of women are in an emotional relationship, I'm talking about the one's that aren't but prefer to think they are).

Personally I've got a rather weird view of University life. I go to Durham in the UK which is a collegiate university (assorted colleges all part of one University). The college I'm in happens to be a Christian college and small, so about half of my year are Christian fundies. Social life can be quite limited to colleges with the result that most available girls get taken quick. The remainder think that holding hands outside of marriage is dirty and filthy so they're not really high on any potential dating list (that and having interests outside of worshipping Jesus and converting others makes one unsuitable for them). I guess it's weird as I'm constantly being confronted with people who want to bone each other but absolutely deny any kind of such feelings, instead they talk about how much they want to get married.

So yeah, not all dating is My-life-is-a-teen-movie in University. Then I guess I'm talking from a fairly 'special' environment.

[Llava]

{Looks back on previous umpteen number of years in school]

My mileage varies...by a lot.

Maybe it's my school, but it's the generic fratboy douches getting all the attention, at least in my experience.

Then chances are there's at least one girl in one of your classes waiting for you to approach her.

I've been in a relationship for nearly 5 years now.  We originally met in high school, since she was friends the brother of a girl I was dating.  Basically, we were introduced, and that was that.  We spoke once or twice after that (she asked me if I had seen someone around, wasn't a conversation or anything).

First day of college I noticed she was in a class of mine.  As soon as class was over, I went to talk to her.  I sat by her the next day and continued talking with her.  Over the course of about a month and a half, we became friends and went out to a couple things.  I asked her out a few times and she said "No(t yet)."  One night in early October the two of us went to a haunted house, and I took her to a park when we were done there.  I asked her out again and she finally agreed.  Our 5th year will be October 6th, she's moving in with me in about a month and 11 days.

If I hadn't grown the balls to walk up to her and initiate conversation, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have sought me out (even though she did apparently have a crush on me since high school, and when she asked me where someone was it was just an excuse to talk to me).

If you've got your eye on someone, and you don't know if she has a boyfriend, find out and approach her.  Sometimes you can get them to come to you, sometimes not.  Most people are actually quite decent and will try to reject you gently if they're not interested.  There's not much to be nervous about, at the very least you get to put some curiosities to rest.

And believe me, there are plenty of girls who loathe the generic fratboy douches.

SPT, Signe, Voodoo, you want to back me up on that?  (At least one of them will be sarcastic and say that they love the fratboy douches, but now that I've pointed that out they might not.  What will you do now? Sarcasm=PWNED.)

[shiznitz]

There were women I met at college, attractive, intelligent women, who really did not belong there at an institution of learning for one reason alone. They went to college to find a husband. That's it. All their major, their interest in whatever, was bullshit, even if they didn't want to admit it to themselves. They were there to find a husband. You'll see that a lot.

This might get me zinged but in my experience 20-40% of women work for the same reason. Yes, they have to suppost themselves, but the husband hunt is a big part of job selection.

[Llava]

There were women I met at college, attractive, intelligent women, who really did not belong there at an institution of learning for one reason alone. They went to college to find a husband. That's it. All their major, their interest in whatever, was bullshit, even if they didn't want to admit it to themselves. They were there to find a husband. You'll see that a lot.

This might get me zinged but in my experience 20-40% of women work for the same reason. Yes, they have to suppost themselves, but the husband hunt is a big part of job selection.

You would be amazed at the number of parents who raise their daughters specifically for this purpose.

I'm not even talking subconciously.  My girlfriend's parents are quite insane.  They still don't approve of her coming over to my house alone.  Oh no, we might have SEX.  We've been dating for NEARLY FIVE FUCKING YEARS!  Clearly I'm just using her!  And people will talk!  Her dad had the sheer gall to insult her on this, and I'm just going to stop there because I'm getting really fucking pissed off at them, and that's not a good thing.

But yes.  To use them as an example: They wanted her to get all As in school, and they wanted her to go to college, but they got PISSED when she wanted to get a job.  Then they dealt with that.  But they don't want her to move out of their home until she is married (and I'm not even talking about moving in with someone- they don't want her to move out ON HER OWN until she's married).  It's absofuckinglutely rigoddamndiculous.

Deep breaths.  Think of head tilty owls.  Non-linear game stories.  Games without grinding.

Okay, I'm good.  Unrelated rant.

Oh yes, and Hollywood is bullshit.  There, I'm on topic.

[Signe]

I don't know any Fratboy Douches but I don't like the sound of them!  Other than that you and Haemish have given good advice from the poon and non-poon point of view.

"The owls are not what they seem."